Saturday, October 06, 2007

A Couple of Hours of Late Night Football

It's 930pm on a Saturday night... Stephanie is in Baltimore... I'm watching like, four football games at one time... here's how it goes...

931pm.... Holy cow.... last week, I flipped it on Versus (the channel formerly known as "The Outdoor Channel" just in time to see Colorado beat Oklahoma on a last second field goal. Now, on Versus? Stanford leads the #1 team in the land (according to one poll) USC by one point with one minute left. If I'm the programmer at Versus, I'm loving my job.

Forget Appy State over Michigan... Appy State was a good, championship team over a over-ranked Wolverine team that really wasn't that good. This is Stanford. They suck. But not tonight. Because Stanford just intercepted the ball, they take a knee, and they win it. On USC's home field. And USC's coach, Pete Carroll, looks like he just got kicked in the back with a steel toed boot. There's a shot of some sorority chick crying... trying moving to the SEC.

The sideline reporter tries to talk to Jim Harbaugh, Stanford's coach and former Chicago Bear player (I've even got his football card), but Harbaugh, jumping up and down and running, tells the reporter "No! Talk to the QB! It's his night!"

This is why I love college football.

940pm... Back over to Florida/LSU, just in time to see LSU score a touchdown. As much as I'm enjoying Florida leading the game, I'm in fear of the 2nd half... LSU was struggling with Tulane last week, until the 3rd quarter, when they rolled. Now, Florida is no Tulane, but LSU is in fact LSU.

943pm... Over to ESPN, where Missouri is beating Nebraska 17 to 3. Crud. I picked Nebraska in the Deuce Football Championship competition. Oh me of little faith...

945pm... Uh oh, we got ourselves a game on ESPN2. Rutgers leads Cincinnati 20-14... and already, I've seen Stanford's defeat of USC on three different recap/clips. Wow, sideline reporter Stacy Dales looks rough.

946pm... Okay, whats happening on Fox Sports? Texas A&M just kicked a field goal and now leads Oklahoma State 24-20.

946pm... TOOOOUUUCCCHHHDOOOOWWWWNNN GGGAAAATTTOOORRSSSS!!!!!!! Tim Tebow is a freakin' beast. Did you know when it rains in The Swamp, Tim Tebow doesn't get wet? The rain gets Tim Tebow'd.

947pm... Over to ESPNU, where... Maine is taking on Hofstra? Where the heck is Hofstra? I wonder if they give rookies at ESPN games like Maine/Hofstra, or if its a punishment. Like, three late meetings, and you get a Maine game. Another blunder and you end up with a William & Mary/Wofford bout. It IS homecoming at Hofstra, which is ranked #12 in the Championship Subdivision (re: Division I-AA) arena of play. We'll check on this one... later.

950pm.... Don't look now! Notre Dame Fightin' Catholics are leading UCLA in the 3rd!

1009pm... So, for the second time, LSU's kicker shanked it. Again. Does this guy come from Florida State? Lovin' in. Florida up 24-14.

1010pm... They showed an ad for the Bruce Springsteen interview on 60 Minutes. So, I've heard some of his new album, "Magic". Its really not very good, but... BUT... he sings an anti-war song, so naturally, he's this musical genius and all the critics love him and he's so great and a legend and so on and so on. What if he sang a pro-military song? What if he sang a song called "The Terrorists, the Enemy"? It would be declared a bad effort, a bad CD, a misstep by an American legend. I'll stop before I go run over a liberal with Steph's car.

1013pm... On ESPN, its halftime in the Nebraska/Mizzou game, which means three things. 1) Rece Davis... 2) Mark May... and 3) Lou Holtz. I really like Rece Davis, and I've alreaydy admitted that the ESPN College Football theme song makes me giggle. I think Mark May is kinda cool, he'd be fun to hang with during a game. Lou Holtz? He blubblers. I'm not sure what he's even talking about most of the time, and I'm pretty sure that Rece and Mark doesn't either.

1015pm... LSU is driving... down at the 3 yard line.

1016pm... I have to pee

1017pm... 4th and 3. *#&&$. Touchdown LSU. I say again, *#&&$.

1018pm... Cut to the sidelines, Tim Tebow is staring at the playbook. Oh, he's not reading it. Tim Tebow doesnt read books. He just stares at it until it gives him what he wants, out of fear.

1020pm.. Somehow I fumbled when clicking channels, and ended up on Trinity Broadcasting. I would have flipped away quickly, except Third Day is on, singing "God of Wonders", and some chick is singing with them. I'm actually trying to figure out who the chick is... could that be Christy Nockel, from Watermark? Aside from my wife, natch, Christy Nockel might have one of the sweetest, most melodic voices ever. Ever. And now, David Nassar is speaking. But... Florida is playing LSU.

1023pm... So, Florida got the kickoff, ran it back, but it looks like he might have run out of bounds. The refs were reviewing it, then declared he didn't go out, and subsequent replays show that he didn't. However, Les Miles, LSU's coach, tossed the challenge flag. Which means if this isn't overturned, LSU loses their final timeout. I'm diggin' it.

1026pm... This call is still being reviewed... and its a crap call. His foot was not out of bounds... (watching the replay...) okay, it was slightly. Darn it.

1027pm... Good news... not only did Troy win, beating Florida International, but Hofstra's up on Maine 14-0.

1035pm... LSU went for it on 4th, and they crossed the yellow line. Not that the yellow line means real life, but its close. They got it...

1043pm... And now LSU is driving, inside the 5. And Steph calls me. I love my wife, but my loving wife calls me from her Baltimore business trip not at halftime, not in the 3rd quarter, but with less than 90 seconds left in a 24-21 ball game. I love my wife.

1046pm... And touchdown LSU. #($@**@. I think Stephanie jinxed me.

1047pm... Hofstra is still up on Maine 14-0, with less than a minute in the 2nd quarter to go.

1049pm... And Colt David, the kicker for La State, puts it through. LSU, up by 4, with about 45 seconds to go. Colt? What kind of name is that? Colt McCoy for Texas, Colt Brennan for Hawaii, Colt David for LSU. Why Colt? Why not go Stallion McCoy, or Clydesdale Brennan? Thats a much more powerful name... what about Colt Dollar? That just looks stupid. Kinda like this game.

1052pm... Cincinnati beats Rutgers. My night just gets worse and worse. Next your going to tell me that Nebraska is getting beaten badly by Missouri... wait. Crap.

1053pm... 26 seconds remain. Tim Tebow should just kill someone with his bare hands.

1058pm... I hate LSU. Kinda always have. Especially now.

1059pm... Final score, LSU 28, Florida 24. At least Hofstra's up, 21-3. G'night.

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