It's Finally Done

738p... Well, not the election (yet), but the voting is over for us here at The Cabana. However, its not looking pretty for the McCain/Palin ticket.

So far, The Messiah has managed to take Massachussetts (12 electoral votes), Maryland (10), Delaware (3), Connecticut (7), Vermont (3), Maine (4), Illinois (21) and New Hampshire (4)... and in a huge blow, Pennsylvania (21)

The actual Right Guy For the Job, meanwhile, has taken Oklahoma (7), Tennessee (11), West Virginia (5), Georgia (15) and Kentucky (8).

Remember, you need 270 electoral votes to win the presidency, and so far, The Messiah has 85... McCain has 46....

749p... They called Arkansas (6) for McCain, as well as Alabama (9) (that's a big surprise). Looks like Washington DC goes to The Messiah, giving him an 88 vote lead to McCain's 61.

So while The Lovely Steph Leann and I were eating at Pablo's (me with soft chicken tacos, The Lovely Steph Leann with chimichangas) and we learned that The Messiah was leading heavily in Ohio and Florida, two key states--but with only 2% voting.

Watching the updates, however, as more votings come in, Florida's gap is closing fast. Ohio? It probably will go totally Messiah. He was up 56 to 40% in Florida earlier, now the gaps is 52% to 47.

757p... Take Heart! In 2004, the exit polls went ALL John Kerry, who served in Vietnam. That's all we heard, about President-elect Kerry, who served in Vietnam.

FYI... South Carolina goes John McCain, which has 8 votes. McCain now has 69. Fox News is saying The Messiah has 103 votes, though I can't figure out what they've called for him yet.

Anyway, in 1980, President Carter was also leading Reagan with exit polls... and see what happened.

However... Minnesota (10), Michigan (17), Wisconsin (10) and New Mexico (5) are all being called for The Messiah. New York (31) and New Jersey (15) are called for The Messiah.

McCain gets Wyoming (3), though. Yee haw.

803p... A bright spot on a possibly dismal night for conservatives is that the Democrats are suffering a blow in the run to get a 60 seat power base in the Senate. Sixty seats means that any vote is filibuster proof, and after the guy in Georgia won, that means the Democrats will have to "run the table" in the remaining races.

Now, remember that even with a 58 seat base, 2 shy of 60, it will still be pretty powerful for the Democrats because there are several spineless wimps in the Republican side that will likely vote with the wind. But, at least its not debate proof.

812p... Rhode Island (4) goes The Messiah. Too close to call is Indiana, Virginia, Florida, North Carolina and Colorado.

They are discussing New Mexico's voting trend, and it seems 68% of New Mexico voters are Hispanic. And over 60% of NM citizens make less than $50,000. Just so you know where your tax dollars might go. Governor Bill Richardson, who is nothing less than a moron, let's be honest, led that NM support, as he's Hispanic himself. Oh, and 63% of The Messiah Supporters... followers... think that immigrants should be given legal status across the board. Surprise.

Shawniferous Sharpineous just rolled into The Cabana... its good to see him, former Deucemate that he is.

819p... So... Ohio goes for The Messiah. Now we hear the statistic "no Republican has ever won the presidency and lost Ohio." That could be quite a problem.

So, whatever the math is, The Messiah has 183 votes to McCain's 81. This is a big problem.

Well, I guess McCain will just have to win California.

826p... The Lovely Steph Leann and Shawniferous and myself are watching Fox News. I turned it to DNC-TV, aka MSNBC, expecting to see Olbermann and Chris Matthews actually having on air orgasms... not too far from the truth.

The Lovely Steph Leann, "I can't watch MSNBC. I'll throw up in my mouth. Turn it. Now."

832p... The Cajuns go to McCain... Louisiana (9) goes for McCain. The Messiah leads 200-90.

Here's another bright spot, as I'm the eternal optimist. There were two times when the Democrats ruled Washington--as in, controlled the Senate, the House and the Presidency. First, the 60s, when LBJ was the President. He gave us the war on poverty. Which has worked really well. (Anonymous Poster, note the sarcasm, please)

The other time was Jimmy Carter's presidency in the late 70s. That's when this country fell into a real recession. That's when unemployment was in double-digits. That's when things were so freakin' miserable, there was an actual Misery Index. They had to come up with a way to measure how miserable people were. And what happened four years later?

Ronald Reagan and the revival of the Conservative Movement. Yes We Freakin' Can.

836... So, this dude on Fox News says, "we are still trying to figure out who Obama is..."

Now let me get this right. The media drops two dozen reporters and lawyers into Alaska after the nomination of Sarah Palin, to find out all the dirt they can. Then, they use OHIO GOVERNMENT COMPUTERS to find out about Joe the Plumber. American tax dollars and resources to investigate a private citizen who DARED ask a question to The Most Merciful, Lord and Anointed One, Barack Hussein Obama.

And they can't figure out who Obama is? Why don't they... um... report on him. Why don't they, I dunno, investigave him. Perhaps do their effin jobs? Just a thought.

845p... Flipped over to The Obama News Network, aka MSNBC, where Chris Matthews was practically drooling on himself, leg shaking, ready to hump Obama's leg when he can.

Chris was discussing with some other no-name schmuck about "this ridiculous socialist charge" and "this ridiculous correlation to Jeremiah Wright". I laughed, Shawn laughed and The Lovely Steph Leann, as predicted, threw up in her mouth.

Chris Matthews is now smoking a cigerette, shirtless.

854p... This exchange just happened:

The Lovely Steph Leann: "Wow. Obama has 200. How can we win?"
Shawn & I at the same time: "Win everything else."
The Lovely Steph Leann: "Well, it seems like we're going to get what we want. I mean 'we' as a collective country. And we're about to deliver Israel into the hands of an idiot king."

McCain picked up another state or two, it looks like... The score is 200 to 124, and Florida is pretty dead-even right now.

We're about to deliver Israel into the hands of an idiot king. That's a pretty good summary.

901p... We keep hearing about the contrasts from election and the 2004 election, and how some states and counties that went for Bush then are going The Messiah now. Remember, though, John Kerry, who served in Vietnam, was a complete buffoon. Seriously. It was probably an issue with Dubya that the election was that close.

So Texas (34) goes to McCain! And the Mormons rise up, giving Utah (5) to McCain too! Also, the retiring Trent Lott's seat goes Republican!

We send it now to a Fox News reporter with the McCain camp, who have begun to admit that there is very little chance to win the presidency. Mathmatically, it might just be impossible.

Can I tell you were McCain went wrong? He didn't hang this economy on the Democrats. He blamed the "greedy Wall Street", and to her discredit, so did Palin. What they didnt do was blame Pelosi, Dodd, Obama, Frank and those guys.

FYI, Brit Hume is the man tonight. He is rolling with the one liners and such.

Fox has come back now and said the Mississippi rep race is too close to call.

910p... Fox News sent the broadcast out to Major Garrett (is there a cooler name in news?) the Obama party in Chicago, at Grant Park, where billions of people are there to celebrate the descension of The Messiah from the Glory of Heaven. This is where The Anointed One will come down from the clouds, raise his hands, end poverty, stop a war, heal the sick, make the lame walk, help the blind to see and personally bring us oil independence. This all starts later, by the way.

Anyway, they sent it out, and the broadcast went out. It went out almost immediately. The Lovely Steph Leann replied, "Oh darn. I wanted to see the Obama camp."

They are showing us the Iowa voter Bush job disapproval. Good thing he won't get elected this year.

918p... All the guys and their sister/wives rise up and vote! Mississippi goes to McCain! The Messiah now leads 207-135. It seems there are about 13 or 14 states left to call, or report. It looks like McCain will have to run the table.

Fox News is pondering the question, "Did Palin hurt McCain's candidacy?" They are undecided, based on poll numbers. My thoughts? She re-energized his campaign. Without Palin, I think this election would already be over... even though it might be practically over now, it would probably be completely done by now. Sarah Palin is awesome. And hopefully, she's here to say.

What strikes me is that so many people say...

...wait a minute...

...I just thought of something...

...oh crap... crap crap crap... crap... curse. Mother love bone...

...our new Vice President is going to be Joe Biden. I'm going to now use a fingernail clipper on my eyelids.

926p... Nebraska (5) goes McCain. The Messiah leads 207-138.

Bill Krystol makes the point that the media unfairly went after Palin, and investigated her in a way they never went after Biden. In other news, Obama TV, aka MSNBC, just reported that there are terrorists in Iran.

Wait... according to Obama TV, there are no terrorists in Iran. Just bullies. And when The Anointed One speaks, all Iranian bullies will cower in fear at the power of the words of The Peacemaker.

927p... John "I hate the military, my district is nothing but racists and rednecks" Murtha is giving his acceptance speech for keeping his Representative seat... only, he actually hasn't won the seat yet.

Brit Hume: "John Jack Murtha declaring victory, though he seems to be alone in that declaration, because no one is calling it for him yet..."

I cannot stand John Murtha. I have less respect for him than I do The Messiah, and that's saying something. Murtha is the guy who called out the Marines for what happened in Haditha. Its a small province in Iraq where 24 Iraqis were killed by Marines. Murtha went on this tangent, calling it unprovoked, blasting these Marines, humiliating them, destroying their lives and their reputations...

...and nothing was proven. In fact, there was very little evidence against the Marines. And when they were exhonerated, Murtha never apologized.

And recently, he did in fact call his own district "a bunch of racists", then after saying he was sorry, he called his own district "a bunch of rednecks".

I kinda feel the same way about Murtha than I do about Ray Nagin, mayor of New Orleans--if you are going to re-elect this guy, you deserve him.

And how is Al Franken winning the election in Minnesota? Wha...?

935p... Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi are set to speak momentarily. I think The Lovely Steph Leann, Shawn and myself all collectively threw up in our mouths.