Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Idol: Three Times a Charm

And finally, we've reached the last "normal" show before we go to the fun and frivolity of next week's Idol Final. You know, where they sing fifteen songs per, and the results show that we will all watch, with 119 minutes and 54 seconds of fluff and :06 seconds of the winner being announced.

Tonight, they each sing three songs, one picked by the judges, one picked by the Idol contestant, and one picked by the producer.


Is American.


The Black Julia Stiles. David "Reminds Me of Rob Thomas As In He Looks Like He Should Rock a Little More Than He Actually Does, Even Though He Does Rock" Cook. Young David Archuleta. One of them is on the brink of super stardom (re: Taylor Hicks, Jordin Sparks, Ruben Studdard)

The Judges Song Choices

David Archuleta
We see video of Young David going back to Missouri. KT is laughing at him. The Lovely Steph Leann is ready, blanket in hand. Paula has chosen "And So It Goes" by the immortal Billy Joel for Young David.

KT notices that Young David has bags under his eyes. He's only, like, 9, so isn't that too young to have bags? Though this isn't one of my favorite Billy Joel songs, and I do love me some Billy, I can admit that Young David is singing it well.

KT reads my mind... "Am I the only one bored to tears?"
The Lovely Steph Leann quietly replies, "...I like it..."

So, there's Young David's dad, who at first glance looks like Danny Bonaduce. Who knew the 'Duche had such a great lineage.

Randy says it was a dope choice by Paula, who calls it pure and happy and joyful and sunshiney and fluffy and shut up. Simon says it wasn't a surprise, a bit predictable, but good. I agree. Not outstanding, but just good.

Syesha Mercado
And we head to Tampa, Florida, to see what The Black Julia Stiles. Randy has picked "If I Ain't Got You" by Alicia Keys. Wow. That's along the lines of Celine and Whitney... and The Black Julia Stiles doesn't have the poofy hair.

Fine. I'll admit it. If The Black Julia Stiles puts out a CD along the lines of Toni Braxton, especially early Toni, I'm totally buying it. There. I said it. So sue me. And she looks freakin' amazing. The Black Julia Stiles, I mean, though Toni is pretty good lookin' herself. Where was I?

Randy said it was amazing. He does say, "This is why you are standing there at #3!" Of course, it would have been better for Randy to say, "That's why you are in the top 3!", instead of sounding like, "That's why you are only going to be third in this contest!" Paula blows sunshine. Simon liked it lots, too.

David Cook
Let's go to Kansas City, where David Rob Thomas Cook is on the video, and Simon has chosen "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" by Roberta Flack. Wow. This is totally out of left field. KT might just go to sleep.

Ryan makes a gay joke at Simon's expense.

This is one of those songs that, while I will admit its artistry, importance, elegance and beauty, I have to hear it--at least the original--while I'm wide awake. Otherwise, I'm gone. However, David Rob Thomas Cook puts on pretty good version of it, raspy voice livening up the song. Very, very good. KT just slipped into a coma.

Randy admits he's been a David Rob Thomas Cook fan since the beginning. Really? Wish he had said that before, so we'd know. The Lovely Steph Leann just drowned in the sarcasm. Paula blows sunshine. Simon thought it was one of his best performances.

The Contestants Song Choices

David Archuleta II
Young David takes on "With You" by Chris Brown, a more contemporary song that is fairly recent.

I'm dazzled by the fact he is singing a song using the word "boo"... twice! This might be an Idol first! I have always liked the word "boo", its funny. KT's boo is not here tonight, while The Lovely Steph Leann's boo is typing these words.

I don't really know the song all that well, and I'm not bothered by that, from the sound of Young David. Its very poppy and KT is making fun of it. The Lovely Steph Leann has a puzzled look on her face.

Randy applauds the song choice... but he didn't like the fact that Young David was singing about "my boo". Ha! Paula blows sunshine. Simon applauds the fact he didn't do a ballad, but says, "It was like a Chihuahua trying to be a tiger." That's really funny.

Syesha Mercado II
The Black Julia Stiles is taking a big step... "Fever" by Peggy Lee. And she's going to use a chair. To work her thang, to do her walk, be sexy and all that. Once again... she looks hot.

Remember what I said about The Black Julia Stiles and buying a CD? Even more so a possibility. KT admits she loves her at this point, and I gotta say, so do I. Dare I appoint The Black Julia Stiles the banner of "My Next American Idol", since its obvious My Next American Idol Brooke White is not going to be the next American Idol? We shall see.

Randy says she sang it amazingly well. Paula starts out with "you look lovely tonight" which means sunshine is not coming. And it didn't. Simon says that The Black Julia Stiles will possibly regret that song in the morning. For me? I thought it was great. Her Alicia Keys was better, but this was still good.

The Coke bubbles in the animation screen in the back have Hidden Mickeys in them.

David Cook II
He's taking on Switchfoot, a Christian rock band. Well, how about that? I'll be shocked if Simon knew anything about Switchfoot... for that matter, if Randy or Paula does either. David Rob Thomas Cook is singing "Dare You To Move", a Christian song. Well, its a mainstream Christian song, like "Hanging By A Moment" or "Flood", but still...

So... I'm not sure I like this. I like the original, but this sounds like he's just screaming into the microphone.

Randy knows Switchfoot... and he didn't think it was David Rob Thomas Cook's best. Paula blows sunshine. Simon thought it was predictable, but doesn't declare a 2nd round champ, like he declared DRTC the 1st round champ.

The Producers Song Choice

David Archuleta III
The Idol producers decided that Young David should sing the late Dan Fogelberg's "Longer". KT just slipped back into a coma, and she might need rehab to learn how to walk again. The Lovely Steph Leann loves this song.

Actually, I was kinda bored too. Again, solid delivery, but kinda boring. Randy loved it. Paula blows sunshine. Simon doesn't criticize Young David, because he thought the song was sung well, but the song choice was gooey and terrible.

We just had a Justin Guarini sighting.

Syesha Mercado III
Shakin' those good lookin' hips, The Black Julia Stiles is doing "Hit Me Up" which is... I have no clue, but this sounds like a Beyonce song. Nothing seems to be able to stop the inevitable David vs David finale, but The Black Julia Stiles is doing her best.

KT doesn't like it. KT is dumb.

Randy says "just aight for me". Paula admits the song is from "Happy Feet". Then looks for sunshine, and can come up with a little, only a little, to sprinkle lightly onto The Black Julia Stiles' feet. Simon didn't like the song choice.

The "My Next American Idol" mantra will remain with My Next American Idol Brooke White.

David Cook III
Aerosmith's "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" is getting the David Rob Thomas Cook treatment. This is really an overblown song from a so-crappy-its-fantastic-no-its-Craptastic movie "Armageddon", which is much better than the other meteor movie released around the same time, that being the so-crappy-it-gets-crappier-everytime-I-see-it movie "Deep Impact".

All things being equal, DRTC does the song justice. KT hated it. She's a hater.

Randy loved the song, but the performance was just "okay for me". Paula is crying. She's actually crying. What a goober. Simon declares the song, "One of the great songs of all time" (what??) and then declares David Rob Thomas Cook the night's winner.

My favorite of the night, really? The Black Julia Stiles singing "I Ain't Got You".

KT hated every song tonight. The Lovely Steph Leann liked some. So, no matter what The Black Julia Stiles was able to do, there's pretty much no way she's getting in to the American Idol finals.


  1. I am dumb AND a hater...WOW... that was just hurtful David Dollar!

  2. no, no, its "dumbe" (pronounced doom-bay), which is chilean for awesome and rockin. i forgot the "e" on it.


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