The Real Global Problem

Our planet is in danger. Our planet is dying. Bottom line... our climate is changing so much, due to our recklessness and stupidity, and though I refused to admit it, I am forced to do so at this time.

Have you noticed the facts?
First, in the last 100 years, our global temperature has risen a fraction of a degree? Secondly, Tropical Storm Andrea emerged in the Atlantic Ocean one month before the official start of hurricane season? Third, scientists agree on it, as a consensus.

That's right. I'm talking about... Global Cooling.

I got up yesterday morning, here in Birmingham, AL, in the beginnings of June, and the wind was blowing. And it was only 74 degrees. That's just unnatural! It should be, what, at least 80, even by 515 in the morning?

Did you know that here in the heart of the Southern Heat Belt, I was wearing long sleeves a couple of times in early May? I mean, its ridiculous! May is HOT! May is not supposed to be in the 50s! Ever!!

And this past winter, for the northeast? Whew! One of the coldest on record, ever. I mean, ever.

Plus, check this out... Tropical Storm Andrea appeared a month before any hurricanes were supposed to. I mean, we set this June 1st date on hurricane season, and God has the nerve to allow some weather activity to appear? Who does He is, ruler of all and creator of all? Not to mention the fact that the tropical storm appeared due to unnaturally COLD AIR pushing it down from the Arctic.

Finally, if that doesn't do it, then this will. Our temperature has risen over the last century about a half of a degree. I mean, this past century has brought the boom of civilization, from cars to factories to power plants to everything else... and we could only make it rise ONE HALF OF ONE DEGREE??? That means right now, it's 85 degrees... and 100 years ago, it was 84.5 degrees. Crazy! We're in sooooo much trouble!

We've got to act now against this threat. I mean, in 1997, only 17 percent of Meteorological Society and the American Geophysical Society thought global warming was the problem, which means that 83 percent must think its the opposite--GLOBAL COOLING!!

Remember, consensus equals science, right? Doesn't matter if the facts support it or not, as long as there is a consensus to an idea, then it MUST BE TRUE! If I can convince some of you that global cooling is real, then it will become so! Of course, to make it real, I have to get the Hollywood types involved, because only Martin Sheen (who was president for 8 years on tv, so he knows what he's talking about), Sean Penn and Alec Baldwin (who, thankfully, has not moved out of the country even after promising to do so) and Sheryl Crow (you might not want to shake her hand...) have had scientific training in weather patterns, so they know.

Thankfully, there are people leading the way...

Algore is a pioneer in the efforts to stop global cooling. Even though the United States is trying to stop the solution, he refuses to condemn China for their carbon emissions, and thereby is allowing China to help heat this planet. Go Chi-Coms!

Escapism from the problem is effective too. What better way to stop thinking about the dangers of Global Cooling than to sit for two hours at the comedy he put out last year? I mean, the fantasy took my mind off things.

And the fact that Algore and his family live in the 10,000 square foot, 20 room, 8 bedroom home in Nashville (the one that has the annual $30,000 power bill), plus another 4,000 square foot home in Virginia, plus, he refuses to buy into this whole "wind power" argument, nor has he (or will he) dumped his stock in Occidental Petroleum (he owns 100s of thousands of stock dollars here) means tha Algore is living a warming lifestyle. And I thank him for that.

Thank you to Paula Maddox, Matt Latta and a number of you that drive SUVs. You are helping to warm this planet, though admittedly, not much. But my friend, Daniel Powell, who drives a Prius? You, Daniel, are allowing this planet to cool, and should be admonished.

Thanks to Europe, who's global emissions are up 16.4%, and to Canada, 23.6%, both estimates from 1990 to 2002. Other countries who deserve admiration for their efforts to warm the planet? Ireland, 40.3%. Portugal, 59%. Spain, 46.9%. As for the United States, our global emissions only rose 16.7%. We deserve the condemnation done by Algore, Leonardo de Caprio, John F Kerry (who served in Vietnam) and others... with what has been said about our country worldwide, you'd think our percentage rise would be 50 or 60%, but no... only 16.7%, despite being essentially the economic drive behind the entire world. We can do much more to warm this planet and we must.

I do appreciate the mass media giving us feel-good reporting. Not a peep about global warming during the cold, cold winter suffered in the northern United States, but they are so great about letting us know every single day about global warming now that its getting warmer. Who knew that summer would bring about hot temperatures? I mean, it caught me off guard too.

Plus, taking that picture of the polar bears on the ice, and telling us all that the bears were trapped on the ice, ice that had melted because of global warming... good effort to warm our spirits. I mean, its not hard to know that picture was misrepresented, especially when the photographer came out and admitted the two bears weren't trapped on melting ice, they were playing on that ice, and the original story the picture was from had nothing to do with global warming.


If only Global Warming was real! Then we'd have a fighting chance against this deadly cooling!

Personally, I think the best way to do this is to get the President to fire up his hurricane machines, and head for minority areas. I mean, since he doesn't like black people, and he (and not School Bus Nagin and Gov'nr Mary in LA) is solely responsible for everything that happened in New Orleans (but not Mississippi, who was hit just as hard, but has a Republican Gov'nr, so they don't count), he's the best person to get this global cooling fight underway. Do something, now, Mister President. Screw this stupid protecting America conflict in Iraq. GLOBAL COOLING is the real fight.

We've got to act now. I beg of you, my dozen or more readers, will you help me?