Saturday, June 02, 2007

The Fat Boy Chronicles

I feel fat.

No, actually, I am fat. Or at least, a little bit overweight. Truthfully, I'm right at 192 pounds, which is great for someone who is 6'2, but as I'm 5'7, it's just not good... or healthy. My lovely wife, Steph Leann, has had this ongoing bet for about two years now, a bet that relies on both of us reaching our goal weights... and conversely, a bet of which neither of us has come close to winning.

My goal weight? 163. Thirty pounds. I think I can do it... maybe... the reason I haven't really tried is that I just haven't wanted to. I mean, I guess I should have, as currently there are sticks of Land O'Lakes in my arteries, still in the wrapper.

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Me, with my buddy Zurg, at NYC's Carnage Deli in 2005. Note the Dr. Brown's Cherry Soda and the big honkin' piece of cheesecake in front of me. This is how I ended up actually gaining five pounds on a mission trip. This is pretty much me now.

My problem is like everyone else's... I like to eat. Notably, I like to eat fried foods, and I just luvs luvs luvs me some sweet tea. But I think the tubbiness is getting to me, and I just don't like it. Summer time is coming quickly, and one of these days I'd like to be able to take my shirt off poolside without fear that the small children will need therapy. Plus, I'm nearing the point where man-boobs develop. I don't want man-boobs. Who does?

You're thinking to yourself "Why the heck is he taking up good blog space about movies and music and everything else to talk about his chunk?", and I answer you, first, "Because it's my blog, and I can."

Secondly, I can explain the goal so you can follow the progress... here on Saturday, June 2nd, 2007, I'm at 193 pounds. The goal is to lose 30 pounds by Thanksgiving week. I am going with Steph Leann and her family to spend 8 days at Walt Disney World, and I think that's a good, realistic goal time, that being six months. How will I do it? Leave that to me.

Oh, the bet? Steph Leann and I both have realistic, comparable goal weights. If she gets to her goal weight first, then I have to sit with her and watch the unbearable, horrible crap that is "The Way We Were", starring Barbra Streisand (I mean, come on... she whines all the time, and isn't even a little good looking--not even in a Jennifer Herndon sort of way). What's worse, I can't make jokes. I have to smile forcibly and pretend I'm having the time of my life.

If I get to my goal weight first, then she sits with me for a fun, action filled evening with a screening of the Oscar winning, Patrick Swayze/Meat Loaf magnum opus "Black Dog". Nominated for six Academy Awards, including Randy Travis for Best Supporting Actor, (Debra Neil-Fisher & Sabrina Plisco-Morris got the lone win for Film Editing), its a joy of a film that I'm excited to use as a tool to further strengthen an already great marriage

On an unrelated note, I was flipping channels and one channel has "Godzilla" from 1998, and the next channel has "Minority Report", which I'm watching now. There isn't much more room for a leap in quality when you go from "Godzilla", an absolute piece of bantha poodoo, to "Minority Report", a brilliant movie that only gets better with age. It's like having old Spam for lunch, then filet for dinner. Or watching "The Way We Were" on one channel, then seeing "Black Dog" on the next.

As this begins tomorrow--and yes, I know, people say "My diet starts tomorrow!", but hear me out--I've determined there are two things to do... once "final meal", and one "final glass". What I'm venturing on isn't really a diet, per se, its more of a major adjustment to what I eat and a commitment to more exercise, and it deserves a last treat.

One I just had. Dinner at Top China Buffet. Some of you may remember the last time I ate there, this happened. Well, I went back, didn't eat nearly as much this time around, and am happy with my "last meal" selection. My other treat... a big glass of sweet tea from Guthrie's Chicken Restaurant. No chicken, just the tea. But since this might be the hardest thing to give up, I'm going to do it once more, to savor it, to enjoy it, to have it once more... I might even sleep with the empty cup tonight.

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This is me much cuter, 10 years ago, hanging with my friends Heather Howell (left) and Shelby Logan (right). This is how I'm hoping to look, add 10 years, by November.

One more thing. Remember those potato sack rugby hoodie shirts that were popular in the early 90s? My friend Miranda Bryant gave me one my freshman year in college. Loved that shirt. Its in the back of my closet. My goal is to wear that shirt on the Disney trip.

Alright, that's my piece. I dared to humble myself by admitting how much I weigh, only so I'll look awesome when I blog in November that the goal has been reached. Now, I'm off for tea.

1 comment:

  1. 192? Geez man! You need to lay off the butter tortillas! Don't feel bad, I also am quite fat at the current time and am working on it. Bet I reach my goal before you!


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