Thursday, January 20, 2011

Idol in Weezyana

Its time.  The reviews are beginning to come in, and guess what... its not a disaster.  Far from it, night one of American Idol was somewhat of a success--now, that's having the bar set pretty low, because when Simon the Cowell, Kara the New Hotness and Ellen the Lezzie all jumped ship, the expectation was that this show would be a sinking ship, maybe one more season, maybe even two, but Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez would totally suck it up, Randy the Dawg would finally expire and it would be over.  Idol would be dead.

But a funny thing happened last night... people actually kinda enjoyed it.  For one, I did... I was fairly surprised, as Steven Tyler was great, he was smart, and even had that twinge of "dirty ol' man" that always makes us laugh when its on TV and not right around us.  Randy the Dawg was better, not as "dawgy" and "yeah yeahy" and "yeah boyey" as normal, having lost some weight and actually slipped into a Simonesque kind of critique a few times.  And Jennifer Lopez, looking quite nice I will say, toed that fine line between Paula Abdul blubbery and sincere, genuine concern when telling contestants yes or, especially, no. 

Overall?  One episode down, and it worked.  So far.


Let's head down to The Crescent City, that being Nawlins, Weezy-Anna... here comes the judges, and let's get this show rolling.

Right off the bat, we get BackStory #1... there's no mention of the projects, cancer, death or child handicappedness, so its not a Sob Story.   Jordan Dorsey comes in, singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and man, its great.  He starts traditional, then starts the snapping fingers, giving it a little jazzy, bluesy feel, and this show is off and running!  Yeah!

J-Lo has goosebumps!  The judges all three shout YES in unison, and J-Dor is on his was to Holly the Wood.  Seriously, that guy is fantastic.

Back from break, we're back in Gator Country, known as Cajun Land, known as Louisiana.  Or Weezyanna.  And let's cut straight to a screeching, horrible audition, and another, and a white guy singing a soul song that should never happen again.  Oh, here's Kiana, who Randy the Dawg cuts off within five seconds, and then keeps singing... and starts crying.

Sarah Sellers comes in, and has lips that Steven Tyler actually relates to.  No, seriously, he says, "Where did you get those lips?"

"To Make You Feel My Love" is her song, and all I can compare it to is Billy Joel and later, Garth Brooks.  But Sarah puts a slight rasp on it, and it sounds good.  Not great, but good.   And Sarah heads to Hollywood.

And Cuban Casanova Jovany is up next, and looks like he's bringin' da flava... his words, not mine.  And he's threatening to take his shirt off for J-Lo, and is singing a Latin song.  No, I don't understand it... despite my own Latin Lover look, I don't know Hispanicola. 

Thats right!  Another season of Idol, another season
of random pictures of Pickles! 
Cuban Casanova Jovany now expresses his love for J-Lo, and how he's excited to be here in front of her.  She's cute, but she's no Pickles.  Aw, I miss Pickles.

Big Yes for Cuban Casanova Jovany, and here comes the abs.  And Randy the Dawg and Steven Tyler join him as they flash their abs for J-Lo.  Her clothes stay on. 

It appears that Randy the Dawg was born and raised in Batah Rooge, Weezyanna, and the next contestant brings in some Randy Jackson high school photos, with the 'fro and everything.  Here comes his old football coach, and its a good ol' reunion.

Jacquelyn Dupree is doing "I'll Stand By You", care of The Pretenders.  While her voice is good, its kinda boring.  So, while she sings, I'll tell you that The Lovely Steph Leann is not here tonight, she's down in Pensacola, so I'm Idol Alone this evening.  The blanket lay motionless, in a chaotic pile on the couch across the room of The Cabana.  Jacquelyn gets a YES from all three judges, heads to Hollywood, and I won't remember her in fifteen minutes.

Brett Loewenstern is from Boca Raton, Florida, and looks alot like Shaun White, the red haired Winter Olympian who does the snow sports.  At 16, Brett is lamenting about how he's a loner, and how no one likes him much, and how he's picked on.  "I want to give a message to kids who are picked on by bullies... be who you are, no matter what."  I am inspired. 

If this kid called me on the phone, I would spend the first five minutes of the conversation trying to determine if it was a dude or a chick calling me.  And he's going to sing "Bohemian Rhapsody"... good tone... good control... here comes the big note... can he do it?  Yes!  His singing is much deeper than his talking voice, so he really should sing everything at school--might help his picked-on-edness.  Three yes votes and he's on his way to Hollywood.

Commercial Break!

Back from Break!

David O'Franks, 24, IS the next American Idol, or so he says.  He's kinda... dopey looking, though he's got that ugly rock star who gets all the hot chicks kinda look about him.  Steven Tyler says that the kid has Mick Jaggar's mouth, which might be a blessing or a curse.

"Bad Romance" is his song... yes, Lady GaGa.  Not sure that a one time opportunity to sing in front of Aerosmith's front man, a former bassist for Journey and the hot chick from "Out of Sight" would be best fulfilled by a Lady GaGa tune.  And he gets punted.

Montage of bad auditions, with lots of screeching and a few bad costumes, and our first Aerosmith cover song--"Dream On".  Another guy hits a note that lasts about 30 seconds, and is only the best part of his horrible song.  Here comes a bad white rapper (redundant phrase) which makes J-Lo say, "...awkward..."

Commercial break!

Back from break!

Here's our first forgotten lyrics--"I Wanna Be a Billionaire"--and another bad costume.  And now comes Alex Retardo, which is a terrible last name.  He did go to Idol Camp and learned how to sing... well, maybe.

"Proud Mary" is his song.  And he needs to go back to Idol Camp, or ask for a refund... wow.  If I were Tina Turner, I would kill myself for hearing two straight nights of song desecration. 

This has also got to be the worst commercial for Idol Camp, EVER.  EVER. 

Jaycee Bedeaux was actually the winner of
Fox 44's Baton Rouge Idol
Jaycee Badeaux is 15, and he looks 12, and he looks like a marshmallow.  He thinks he's the next American Idol, and to hear him even say "Otis Redding" is funny, because he looks like he is too young to know "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" even exists... and wow, his voice is great.  Not perfect, not awesome, but he's like a fat Justin Bieber, only more fun. 

Prediction.  Put it in the hands of the audience, the viewing public, this kid makes it into the Top Seven, whether he deserves it or not.  J-Lo loves Chunky Bieber, Randy the Dawg loves him and Steven Tyler loves him... Chunky Bieber goes on to the Hollywood Round!

So, up next... a sob story... let's see if we can fill all the cliches:

Unsure of surviving... this is my dream... this is all I want... judges split on sending her or not... this could make or break the family... we can overcome...

Let's see...

Paris Tassin, 23, from Nawlins... young mom, pregnant at 18.  The baby might not survive (check!). Wouldn't be good if the baby was delivered... and Kiera the daughter is overcoming (check)....

Paris comes in, and is going to sing Carrie Underwood's "Temporary Home"... she does well until the notes get big, and she seems to struggle a bit.  J-Lo wipes away a tear.  Randy the Dawg is intrigued.  Steven Tyler is pleased.  Paris says, "I sing for my daughter... I love to sing... this is my dream" (check!!!)

All three judges say Yes enthusiastically, and all we needed was the split judges and the poor family, and this could have been a sob story complete sweep. 

So, Nawlins Auditions are done, with 37 hopefuls getting a Golden Ticket.  Next week, we'll take our Idol Train over to Milwaukee... and for the first time ever... someone "wants this so badly..."  

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