Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Missed Idol Part I (Denver)

Vacation is over!  Its time to head to Denver... since I'm trying to cram in two nights into a quick recap, I'll go quick and give you the highpoints...

**Erin the Marine Wife swooned and possibly wee'd herself as they flashback to Daughtry, who auditioned in Denver some years ago.  And really, who doesn't like Daughtry?  I feel like, if Rob Thomas buffed up and became slightly more masculine, he might be Daughtry.

**Because they couldn't find another guest host, I'm sure, Posh Spice is back.  The woman is a stick.  Seriously.  Nikki Brown could look at Posh and say, "Wow.  I feel fat next to her." 

**This guy named Mark say people call him Jack Black, though I think he looks like Jonah Hill.   He sounds pretty good, too, doing "Tempted" by Squeeze.  He goes to Hollywood.

**Some guy named Mario.  I didn't get his last name, and it really doesn't matter. 

Commercial break

**Is it bad that I get a laugh out of people who come out cursing, swinging at the camera and yelling because they didn't get picked?  Not the ones who are just merely crying because they thought they had a shot, but those people who love to say stuff like, "They cut ME and they kept all them bad people!"

**Kimberly Kerbow.  Love her.  Love the song "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michelson, love her audition, I can dig it. 

**Montage of what seems like 3,000 people who get Golden Tickets.

**Karaoke host (!) Danielle Hayes is up next.  She's teary in the audition room, as she launches in "I'm the Only One" by Melissa Ethridge... this is the favorite song of The Lovely Steph Leann by the aforementioned musical lesbian (Melissa, not Danielle.  Or The Lovely Steph Leann). She doesn't sound perfect, but she's got this raspy voice (Danielle, not Melissa. Or The Lovely Steph Leann.. more on voices later) that sounds great.  I like her.  (Danielle, I mean.  Though I do like Melissa, particularly "Come to My Window".  And The Lovely Steph Leann too.)

Commercial break
**Bad costume/outfit montage.  While Kara the Hotness continues to be The Hotness, Posh has this weird hair thing going on.  Plus, Randy the Dawg held up a pencil and you couldn't see Posh behind it.

**Backstore. Cindy Jo is openly weeping.  Casey James is singing with a backstory.  And somehow, he takes his shirt off.. at the judges request.  Paula Abdul is spotted outside, holding a hotel key and begging to be let back in.  Mark, the hubby of Cindy Jo, is openly weeping.

**So, like, is Denver full of good looking chicks, or are they just picking and choosing the eye candy.  Tori Kelly is singing and... of course, I find out she's 16, and I'm a little creeped out at what I just said.  Never mind.  She sings John Mayer, isn't that memorable except for her fabulous hair, but she's on to Hollywood.

Commercial break

**Austin Paul.  You know this is going to be bad, as the video clip portrays him as... well, a dumb jock.  And a little egotistical.  And it helps that he's singing, "Bigger Than My Body" by John Mayer.  Can we spend more time on thos people who I enjoy hearing?  Like, Kimberly Kerbow's version of "The Way I Am"?  Anyway.

**He comes another guy, Kenny, who is the self-proclaimed "World's best singer" and they show him moving and dancing, and a few seconds later, failing.  With the offer to sing something else, they shut him down.  And after being shut down, he fulfills his own offer to sing something else.

Really, at no point in the decade of American Idol have any judge--Simon, Paula, Randy, Kristen Chenoweth, Posh, Tarantino, Shania, you name it, never has a single judge said, after initially saying, "Wow, you suck" then turned and said, "Wait, you sound great now!  We're glad you decided to go ahead and sing another song even though we told you that you suck... here's your golden ticket now!".  Never.  Just sayin'.

Commercial break

**You know those drawings where they draw your face a little bigger than normal, and they tend to really accentuate features on your face, with a very tiny body in some weird outfit?  Its pronounced Char-ick-a-chure, but I'm puzzled on the exact spelling... anyway, there was a girl who looked like a human version of one of those.  Scary.  Only slightly more scary than a scattin' Mexican. 

**Nicci Nix.  She flew from Florence, Italy, to audition in Denver.  But I don't like her.  How can you make such a judgement so soon, you ask?  Her voice is really annoying.  No, her singing is fine,  but her talking? 

Like, I went out with a girl that talked like that back in the single swingin' days, and I purposely didn't call her back for one reason--she was great, she was really pretty, she was Godly, and I had a good time... but she talked like Nicci talks.  I mean, if I knew that she could have sung all the time, like "Heeey... I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna make dinner!"  or maybe "I-I-I-I-I will beeeee... at the deeeeentist office tomorrrrrooowww....", I might have called her back.  But I couldn't have taken it. 

Hey, don't hate.  Thats a voice I'd have to hear for the next 50 years.  That's why I think that you should enjoy kissing the one you end up with--that's a kiss you'll be getting for 99% of your mornings and evenings for the next four to six decades.  If you are waiting til the alter to kiss, so be it, I tip my hat... but The Lovely Steph Leann has a great kiss, has a great voice and can make a mean Sweet Potato Casserole.  There wasn't much left after that to mull over.  I ain't sayin', I'm just sayin'.

Oh, and Nicci made it to Hollywood.  Sigh.

Commercial break

**Finally, another Cindy Jo Weepy backstory, mostly about a dead dad not being able to see his daughter audition.  And they are going through so much.  And Haeley Vaughn wants to be the first black country star--hence, "Last  Name" by Carrie Underwood--but I'm sure she's forgetting to mention (or perhaps too young to know and appreciate) Hootie himself, Darius Rucker, and of course, Charley Pride.   And she's got a good voice.
And to wrap up, the final contestant of the day... a dude comes in wearing a bikini, and he's going to sing "Achy Breaky Heart".  And the best move of the day, all four judges get up and walk out in the first line of the song (that he flubs, by the way).

From Denver, 26 make it to Hollywood, but out of the ones they showed, the only ones I really liked were Kimberly Kerbow, Danielle Hayes

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