Thursday, September 20, 2007

Condemned Movies (and other ramblings on a bright and cool Thursday late morning in September)

I figure, it's been a while since I just rambled on my blogsite... or at least on purpose

Just got finished watching "The Condemned". What a total piece of crap. It's like a modern day "Running Man", which is a great movie, set where these criminals are put on an island, and the last one left after all the others have been killed is the winner, and will be pardoned and go free.

Stone Cold Steve Austin is the star, playing Jack Conrad (why the name Jack? Have you noticed that every other character in every other movie and every other tv show is named Jack? I don't even know a Jack, and actually, have never known a Jack in real life, but they are all over Hollywood apparently.), and of course, he kills and blows things up and such, and there is this sleazy producer who is putting it all on the internet.

Its stupid, its implausible, its got incredibly bad acting and you know what? Thought it was great. Actually, to find out this was a great, well done movie would have been a shocker on par with Nick Saban not lying to the Tide and taking a better job in two years (yeah, yeah, I know, what could be better than Alabama, blah blah... go gators), but for what its worth, it wasn't bad. I will say, though, "The Marine" is better. John Triton is a much better corny name for a hero than Jack Conrad.

Does anyone over 18 actually watch MTV on a regular basis? (I just turned it on... "The Hills". Needless to say, I turned it quickly) For proof that it's diminishing relevence finally disappeared the minute Jesse Camp appeared in the late 90s, look no further than the fact there's an entire show based on "Yo Momma" jokes, Nick Cannon is a major star, Laguna Beach and Tila Tequila are in pop culture and the used-to-be-awesome-now-are-useless-MTV Movie & Video awards. And if see one more Next marathon, I'm going to drink bleach mixed with vanilla extract. Here's a great article about proof that MTV hates you.

In a nominee for "CBS Most Amazing Bad Idea Ever", "Kid Nation" premiered last night. And I liked it. So sue me. The premise is, you drop 40 kids in a western style ghost town (named Bonanza, a show I'm sure none of these kids have ever heard of) and make 'em learn how to run a town. Now, before everyone goes Team Bats*** on the idea, rememeber, in any reality show, there are always cameramen around. Some kid gets bitten by a snake or a wild jackalope, you'd be certain one of the guys would drop the camera and help. They wouldn't do it on Survivor, because these are adults, they can help themselves, but with kids?

Anyway, whats the best way to make them resemble real society? Put random kids in charge. Then break them up into gangs, er, groups, then pay them different salaries.

Of course, I'm wondering how scripted it might actually be. You naysayers out there will tell me its all scripted, just like they all are, but I think some aren't as made up as you think. This one, however? It intrigues me. There's Jared, 11, the weird kid who declared "I hope I don't have to take a poo, because I don't want to use that outhouse", and then there's Taylor, 11, who seemed like a good leader until she declared, "I'm a princess. I don't do dishes", then there's Michael, 12 or 14, who keeps making speeches that get applause, and then there's Sophie, 14, my favorite, who doesnt' seem like she's taking crap from anyone. Did I just declare a 14 year old girl as my favorite? Excuse me, someone is knocking at the door... oh, its Chris Hanson. I'll just right here on this stool....

For my money, I'm waiting for a Lord of the Flies all out war to break out... they get some sort of conch, and older boys Greg and Blaine lead a revolution, where the show ends after killing the host Jonathan, then dropping a rock on Michael's head (after making one of his speeches) and little Taylor running through the woods, being chased by Blaine and Sophie who have spears, only to run into Phil Kroegen and Jeff Probst who say "What's going on here?"

Tell me that wouldn't equal ratings.

Speaking of Kid Nation, here's a great article on Ten Child Characters We'd Send to Live in Kid Nation. Funny, funny stuff.

I'm 2/3 of the way through "Salem's Lot" by Stephen King. Its amazing. Its harder for me to read books like this, written in the 70s, because the communication ease of the internet, email, texting, cell phones and such have permeated my life so much that, when I do read such a tale written in such a time, its harder to comprehend Ben Mears not texting someone to say what's happening to the town.

But, I digress. The book starts slowly, dangling just enough in front of you to keep you interested (including a very strange, freaky prologue that only starts to make sense when you find out where the paperweight comes from). However, it's never boring, so you keep reading, not only because you've been teased by things like the strange requests of Mr. Straker, and the flashbacks of Ben Mears and the disapperance of Ralphie Glick, but because you know its a King novel, and you know the payoff is going to be awesome.

Another great thing about the book... if you had never heard of the book or the premise of the book (which any King fan would know, even if you hadn't read it) then you wouldn't have a clue what it was about until about half way through it.

Stephen King is such a master of making you feel the fright the characters feel. One of the best scenes in the book is when Royal and Hank are delivering a strange package to the old Marsten House, a house that is central to the plot. Both are terrified, and in their terror, you get the creepy crawlies. Because suddenly, you are just as scared as they are, as King gives you no reason not to be.

Make no mistake, its an older kids book (as in, adults and older teenagers, not for kids), because there is some language in it... but its brilliant so far.

I watched the updated miniseries of Salem's Lot, made in 1999, starring Rob Lowe and Andre Braugher, and Donald Sutherland (who, like Jon Voight, will appear in ANYTHING). It's a terrible piece of crap, and not like "The Condemned", where its craptastic. Its just crap.

Rob Lowe is terrible, the other actors are terrible, and from the opening scene, they butcher the book entirely. Even Samantha Mathis, who actually looks pretty hot, isn't worth the time you'll put into this. Stay away. Read the book.

Dale Jr picked the new number 88. Now, for all those people like my friends Scott Latta and DeLisa who have "8" tattooed on their back, all they have to do is add another "8". But, I'm guessing it might just make the 88 off center. Oh, the injustice.

So, Mary-Kate Olsen is pregnant. After hearing that news, I tried to care, I really did, but I realized after four seconds, it was a fruitless effort. Then she said she was kidding... nope, still don't care.

I've been shooting through Heroes Season 1, and it rocks. I tried watching it earlier, when it premiered a year ago, but I kept getting distracted, so I just turned it on to WWE Raw instead. Well, now that I'm paying attention to it, it makes more sense. I'm 8 episodes in, and am going to push to finish before Monday's premiere--though I might have to tape the premiere and watch it when I finish the first season.

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A fantastic show if you can stick with it

I'm also pushing through Grey's Anatomy Season 3. I'm 8 episodes into it as well. I kinda know some of the stuff coming up, though Steph has no idea, so I won't mention it here, but I'm excited. This show is just great, and its hard to even determine who my favorite character is... first its Christina, then its George, then its Izzie, then its Meredith... the hottest chick on the show is by far and away Addison, but my favorite character right now is Callie. That will probably change by the next episode. Steph loves George and Bailey. And George Bailey, when's she's watching old movies.

Here's something that my buddy Mikey, and other Seinfeld junkies, will enjoy. Click on the link to look at the poster, and try to find all 38 references to Seinfeld. Three or four will jump out immediately... some are much more hidden.

Okay, so that trailer that everyone's been buzzing about, the one where they are taking video at the party, and explosions happen and the head of the Statue of Liberty lands in the street? The one with no title, only "01-18-08" on the screen. Here's the website.

The project is titled "Cloverfield" for now, because that's JJ Abram's hometown. On the website, stick around for six minutes. It's fun if you do. (Make sure your volume is up)

Remember the Go-Bots? Here's a list of "The Poor Man's Versions", as in, the Go-Bots were the poor man's Transformers... I usually refer to this as "welfare version", as in, you stand in the welfare line, they hand you government cheese, butter and Go-Bots, but you get the drift.

I actually like Neal Cavuto in #2, and would take him over that windbag Lou Dobbs, but I love #1.

Well, thats it for me... I'm off to the showers, then off to give coffee to the masses. Wish me luck.

1 comment:

  1. See, it was easy when Dale Sr. died -- I just turned my "3" into an "8" and was fine (half red, half black, but I can live with it). Now, I can just add another "8" and be alright again, though I've yet to figure out a way to switch my "Budweiser" tattoo to "Mountain Dew."


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