100 Greatest Songs of the 2000s (Part II)

(Preface... this was written on Monday and Tuesday of this week.  Wednesday, the Lovely Steph Leann was admitted to the hospital for labor pains, essentially, and I didn't get to finish tweaking this for posting.  So here I am on the 6th floor of the Brookwood Women's Center, the new one, in a quiet room, and I wanted to finish it up... so here ya go...)

And we continue with our countdown... first, a few reminders--this is a five part Vh1 show, I've already covered Hours 1, 2 and 3 (which you can read here), I've got Hours 4 and 5 coming up below, and just so you know, I'm seeing each song on the countdown for the first time... meaning, I haven't seen the list and know what's coming.  I write it as I watch it appear.

Let's keep moving, with the 40th greatest song of the 2000s decade, according to Vh1...

40... "Sugar, We're Goin' Down" by Fall Out Boy (2005)
I cannot tell you for certain that I could name any song by Fall Out Boy... and I keep thinking of "Number One With a Bullet"... wait?  That's this song?  (the song is playing on the tv and they just got to the "blah blah something merry go round something number one with a bullet")

So this song is not called "Number One With a Bullet"?  Its called "Sugar, We're Goin' Down"?  Perhaps I should have had my late teens in this decade, and I'd probably know more.   Personally, I like "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger.

Incidentally, one of the guys in this band, Pete Wintz, is the host of this entire countdown show.  And he's terrible with a bullet.  His hosting career is going down, down... see what I did there?  Good one, d$!

39... "Chasing Pavement" by ADELE (2008)
Man this chick can sing.  Actually, I didn't discover her until "Rollin' in the Deep", which freakin' rules.  And ADELE is amazing, because she has this special quality that not alot of pop stars have nowadays... talent and a good voice.

But though I know what a pavement is, I am unclear as to why you'd need to chase it.  It doesn't move much.

38... "Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus (2009)
Um...

Maybe you should listen to the song about 114 times, and maybe that's the breaking point.  That's the threshold.  After that, you like it.  

Uh...

Did you know that this song had a resurgence on the charts when Osama bin Laden was killed?  To me, that's the final insult... you are this powerful leader for decades, causing fear, death and destruction in your reign, and your death is celebrated by your enemies with a Miley Cyrus song.  Ha!

Me?  Oh, well, I, uh... I hate this song.

No, I don't know all the words, why would you ask such a foolish question as that?  You silly.

Um. No, I don't put my hands up when they are singing my song, and the butterflies fly away (butterfly fly away).  Uh, no, I don't have the video.  Why would... check my iPod?  No, that's private.  Why would you want to do that?  

I think I just saw Chris Hanson, so let's move on.

37...   "Oops!... I Did It Again" by Britney Spears (2000)

"Baby, One More Time..."?  Absolutely.  "Sometimes"?  Heck ya.  "You Drive Me Crazy"?  Sure, why not?

"Oops!... I Did It Again"?  No way.  Terrible song.  And was a terrible entry in the Christina vs. Britney battle.  I mean, who likes crappy, catchy pop junk like this?  (why are you scrolling up to re-read #38?  Come back)

36... "Bye Bye Bye" by *NSync (2000)

Dude.  This song flippin' rules.  I ain't even joking.

Get past the boy-band part of it, and JT, Joey, Chris, Kirkpatrick and NancyLancey could own it.  And this song was awesome.  As a guy, liking the Backstreet Boys was straight-cred destruction.  However, liking *NSync was just normal, cause we all like them.

However, my affection for this song may not be so much the song itself but the redux done a few years back by the cover band *NStynk...

35... "Daughters" by John Mayer (2004)

Fathers, be good to your daughters, don't let them near John Mayer.  

I like John well enough--I really dig "Gravity", "Clarity", "No Such Thing" and of course, "Your Body Is a Wonderland"--but this song not so much.  I think its about ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

34... "All For You" by Janet Jackson (2001)

Yeah!  Love me some Janet!  At least, Janet before the infamous Wardrobe Malfunction at the Super Bowl.  I think she's more of a punchline now, but back in the day, especially back in the 90s, you had "Rhythm Nation" and "Miss You Much" and "Control" and one of my all time favorite songs ever, "Love Will Never Do (without you)"... she's fantastic.

And this song is pretty good too.  A little dirty, though, so don't really study the lyrics.  Have you ever read the lyrics to "If"?  Great song, sounds awesome, and it frustrated me that she sang so fast, I couldn't understand them... so I looked them up.  Holy crap.  I blushed.  I mean, its like, down and freaky.  Wow.  So now you know.

33... "Hurt" by Johnny Cash (2003)

Wow.  So, I feel like cracking wise about this particular song, and Johnny Cash at the time he sang it would be akin to making fun of the opening battle scene of "Saving Private Ryan", or the ending to "Schindler's List" or anything serious and depressing like that.  Not that "Hurt" compares historically to those particular times in our nation's history itself, but you get my drift.

So I won't.



But what I will say is this:  This song, this video, is a pre-death eulogy.  Cash had a successful, but at the same time hard and even horrible, life.  He did this song after his wife, June Carter, had passed, and he passed not too long after.  The video is crushing.  Film clips of a younger him, celebrating, not knowing that some of his life would be so wasted, clips of June Carter and their relationships, so happy yet so stormy and rocky... and the lyrics are so, so moving.  This is truly one of the few songs out there that I would classify as "painful" on so many levels, and I don't even have a connection to the song, other than I have a soul and am not dead inside.

Hurricane Rhett would make fun of this entire piece.

32... "This Love" by Maroon 5 (2004)
I really, really wanted to not like this song.  I wanted to hate this song, and as a result, hate Maroon 5... but I can't help it.  This song is kinda fun, kinda catchy.   And Maroon 5's music is actually not bad.  It's not revolutionary, but it does stick with you.

Sing it with me... This... love... has... taken its toll on me... she says goodbye too many times before (oh-whoa-oh)... everybody!

And Adam Levine gets some major play... at least in his videos.

31... "Rehab" by Amy Winehouse (2007)
Okay... "Amy shoulda gone to Rehab!  Ha!"  There, I said it.  Oh, and, "We tried to make her to go to rehab, and she said No!  No!  No!"  See what I did there?  I kill me.

30... "Hollaback Girl" by Gwen Stefani (2005)
Fine.  I'll admit it.  I love the dang fool out of this song.  Its addicting, Gwen is awesome, its stupid, its catchy, its poppy, its ridiculous and it forever changing our mental processes when it comes to fruit.

What with the number one song be, Gwen?  Ah!  You are keeping
yourself from blurting out the answer!  Good job, girly!

Much like any mention of a chick named Stacy, you'll think about how going on her mom has it, a mention many times of a banana will elicit this thought:  Its bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

Were I a chick, a cheerleader, gay or all three, this might be my anthem.  I frikkin' love this song.

Still unclear as to what a "Hollaback" girl is, and what makes one "hollaback".  Not sure.

29... "Best of You" by The Foo Fighters (2005)
I guess while I was making time with Gwen and hollering back, I missed this entirely, because I've never even heard this song, like ever in my life.

Don't get me wrong, I dig the Foo Fighters, and "Learn to Fly" is in my Top 100 all time, I think Dave Grohl is awesome, and hearing a snippet of this song, I like it too... but I've never heard  it.  Maybe I should have listened to 107.7 the X more often.

28... "Music" by Madonna (2000)
This song sucks.  So does Madonna any time after 1998.

That is all.

27... "Yeah!" by Usher, feat. Lil Jon and Ludacris (2004)
Another ridiculous, stupid, moronic song with no redeeming value that I just simply love and sometimes will blast out of the Red Robin, making sure my speaker colored thumping lights are thumping like a twitchy ninja, when it comes on.

YEEAAAHH!!  OOOHKAAYYYY!!!

Kick that, rewind it back, Lil Jon, Luda and Ur-shure got the beat
that make yo' booty go boom!

Gotta tell ya, Usher... underrated talent.  I know, I know, he's sold a bajillion records, though like Nickleback CDs, I don't know anyone that owns one... but Usher doesn't get a ton of mentions when discussing great voices.  He's good.  He's really good.

Then you toss in the stupid stoopid Lil Jon, who says, "The chorus of this was easy.  You just say Yeah... then Yeah... then Yeah... and Yeah again.  We kind of ad-libbed it."   And finally, Ludacris in a cleaner form, at least in his lyrics, and you've got a legendary dance hit.

26... "Seven Nation Army" by The White Stripes (2003)
Yes, I have heard of them.  I just feel like I'm not hipster enough to like The White Stripes.  She & Him, sure.  Ingrid Michelson, yep.  The White Stripes?   I've not only not heard this song, I've never heard OF this song.

25... "Hot In Herre" by Nelly (2002)
This made me laugh loud.  Serriously.  I've trried to tell my darrling wife, "hey, its getting hot in herre, so take off all yourr clothes", and in the real worrld, it doesn't worrk.  Sorrry.

Let's be rreal herre... I didn't go to a ton of parrties in college, and even less in high school, so I'm not what you'd call, "A Parrty Going Experrt", but I can tell you this from my limited experrience... Chicks that tell you "I am gettin' so hot I'm gonna take my clothes off" are few and farr between.  But when you do stumble acrross such a chick, you might be tempted to think, "Awesome!", and perrhaps at 19, I would have thought that.  Howeverr, I'm old enough to know now that if such a statement is spoken by said chick, its a good bet she has done this beforre, lest you think you arre the test case for this scenarrio.  And in thinking she's prrobably done this beforre, its not a long leap to assume she prrobably has an STD.  And although chicks with venerreal diseases arre still people too, that would be someone you want to be fully clothed.  I'm just sayin'.

24... "Get Ur Freak On" by Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliott (2001)
As much as a I hate this song, its a good reminder that I am a total music hypocrite, and even snob.  As much as I dig on "When the taxi man turned on the radio and a Jay-Z song was on... a Jay-Z song was on... a Jay-Z song was on!" and goofy lyrics as such, sometimes the lyrics are just too stupid for even me.  And when they are forced together to make a rap, its bad.

Like this song.  Man, do I hate this song.  I hate everything about it.  I hate that beat.  I hate that she hocks a loogie in the middle of it.  I hate that in the video, she spits in a man's mouth... "In yo' face... open yo' mouth, get you a tays..."  I hate the fact it uses "Ur" for "Your".  I hate the video.  I hate the fact I heard this song 3813 times in 2001.

Let's move on before I throw this nearby Katy Perry CD through the window.  I wish I were kidding.

23... "Get the Party Started" by P!nk (2001)
I can't say I hate this song.  I really can't say I like it, either.  I actually could just take it or leave it.  I'm not sure that apathy is what P!nk was going for.

However, I am considering changing my name to dav!d.  Its a thought.

22... "Fallin'" by Alicia Keys
Okay, I have several things to say about this song, but first, I must tell you that I do really like this song.  It think its a career-defining masterpiece.  And I did use the word "Masterpiece" because that's how its performed.

However comma

Have you ever heard the expression "Could sing the phone book and still sound amazing"?  That's what this song reminds me of.  Allow me to put on my lyrical snobbery hat again, and just tell you, I'm bothered by how simple some of the lyrics are.  "Sometimes I love you, sometimes you make me feel blue"?  Really?  "I never felt this way.  How do you give me so pleasure, and cause me so much pain"?  Each verse is only, like, two lines!  Am I being overly dramatic in wanting a little deeper meaning in my lyrics?

No matter... Keys is amazing in this tune.  You know what, forget I said all that.  I love this song.

21... "99 Problems" by Jay-Z (2003)
If you having girl problems, I feel bad for you soon, I got 99 problems but a (crude term for someone of the female persuasion) ain't one...

How is this okay?  Isn't this song a little misogynistic?  Am I being overly critical here?

20... "Toxic" by Britney Spears (2003)
Ugh.

Really?  Really?  10,000 songs in a decade and this is the 20th best of all?  Seriously?

19... "Bootylicious" by Destiny's Child (2001)
Sigh.

And they just keep getting better, don't they?  Okay, so this song is fun, and by far better than "Toxic" will ever be, and for the record, I pick Kelly Rowland over Beyonce any day, but I can't put this in my own personal Top 20.  Or 50.  Or 100.  "I don't think you ready for this jelly..." is a fun line, though.

By the way, because of this song, the term "Bootylicious" was added to the dictionary.  This is why the terrorists hate us.

18... "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera (2002)
Two things:
First... it is a good song.  Yes, we've heard it a thousand times, and in 2002, that was per day, but when it comes down to it, it really is a great tune.

Second... I'm happy she beat out "Toxic".  Unlike Britney, Christina has a great non-studio produced voice.  Love it.

(sidebar... I'm reviewing this part of the list with The Lovely Steph Leann, getting any feedback, and with Maroon 5, she simply said, "Oh, I like that song"... but with this one, the floodgates freakin' opened... "Oh my gosh, I hate that Aguilera song!  I hate it!  Hate it!"  She then proceeds to sing it in a horrible mocking screeching tone, accenting the word "beautiful" in a terrible pitch.  She then ends her tirade by saying, "Hate it."  Don't hold back, Steph, tell me how you feel.)

17... "Clocks" by Coldplay (2002)
Who doesn't like this song?  Seriously?  And if they do a 100 Greatest Songs Intros of Like, Ever, you'd have to see this song up there somewhere.

But let's be clear--I, you, maybe even them, have no idea what this song even means.

16... "Single Ladies (put a ring on it)" by Beyonce (2008)
All the single ladies!  All the single ladies!
All the single ladies!  All the single ladies!
All the single ladies!  All the single ladies!
All the single ladies!  All the single ladies!
All the single ladies!  All the single ladies!
All the single ladies!  All the single ladies!
All the single ladies!  All the single ladies!
All the single ladies!  All the single ladies!
All the single ladies!  All the single ladies!
All the single ladies!  All the single ladies!

All the single ladies!  All the single ladies!

All the single ladies!  All the single ladies!

All the single ladies!  All the single ladies!

All the single ladies!  All the single ladies!

All the single ladies!  All the single ladies!

All the single ladies!  All the single ladies!

All the single ladies!  All the single ladies!

All the single ladies!  All the single ladies! 

(is it in your head yet?  yes?  mission accomplished)

Excuse me Taylor, Imma letcha finish... but Beyonce had one ada greatest videos of all time!

(and yes, I do like this song.  its fun.  even the lovely steph leann likes it)

15... "Beautiful Day" by U2

Dear Bono,

That's enough.  You've had your run, and its been a great one.  U2 is one of the biggest bands in the history of the world, and we all know it.  Your music will live forever, and transcends generations.  Your album "The Joshua Tree" is immaculate.  Songs like "With or Without You" and "Streets Have No Name" and "New Years Day" and even later stuff, lesser known stuff like "Mysterious Ways", is music I am excited to let Campbell Isaiah and/or Lorelei Addison experience. [which we now know as Campbell Isaiah only]

But Bono, its 2011. Apparently you put an album out recently, and no one even knew about it.  Its time to step away.  Its time for you to free up more time for Darfur or the rain forests or Ensley or whatever, and allow Larry Mullen and Adam Clayton time to do more music for Mission Impossible movies, and to say, "Hey, The Edge, its time for us to part."  Let it go, Bono.  Its time

Signed, 

d$

Not sure if this is a performance of "Crazy", and I'm
not sure if that is Danger Mouse in the trooper outfit,
but either way, the picture is cool. 

14..."Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley

Holy crap this song is awesome.  Like, every beat, every second, every minute detail, every word of this song rulz to the maximum allowance of ruling.  "Crazy" is fan-flippin-tastic.

Were I to give my own 2000s list, its easy to put this Top 25, maybe even Top 15.  Cee-Lo Green has this unusual, cool as grits voice, and Danger Mouse is just cool for having the nickname Danger Mouse.  

13... "American Idiot" by Green Day (2004)

I knew this song would come up, and I was dreading it, mostly because I hate it when I throw up in my mouth. And I just did.

These are the same guys that had an album called "Dookie", and sang about going to a shrink and being told that lack of sex will bring you down.  Yes, people can, and do, change.  I get that.  But really, BJ Armstrong, can you just sing your fun songs and quit telling me that liberals are awesome and conservatives suck?  

Sorry... just threw up in my mouth again.

12... "I Gotta Feeling" by The Black Eyed Peas (2009)

The first time I ever heard this song, all I could think of, "This is going to be a party anthem and/or a sports anthem and/or a celebration anthem for ages to come."  When B-list celebrities in 1981 were sitting around and discussing the best songs of the decade just completed, I'm sure that someone was saying about "Rock and Roll Part 1" by Gary Glitter the same things they are saying about "I Gotta Feeling"... "Party song..." and "This song is the ultimate going-out song" and "I gotta feeling..." and such.

Personally, I'm a little flabbergasted that "My Humps" hasn't shown up yet... however, we have 11 more to go...

11... "Umbrella" by Rihanna feat. Jay-Z

My main issue with Rihanna?  How her name is spelled.  When I hear her name, I automatically think Fleetwood Mac's classic "Rhiannon", which was an outside consideration for my kid's name (thought I never shared it with The Lovely Steph Leann.  Probably a good thing.)

She's very talented, though through no fault of her own, its a little disconcerting that all of her songs keep breaking all sorts of sales and chart records, and I'm bothered by this.  Why should Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" fall to whatever getting-it-on tune Rihanna is blathering out?

That said, this is an addicting song.  You know, Umbrella-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella-ella-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey...

If this doesn't get stuck in your head, I have this to say:

All the single ladies!  All the single ladies!  All the single ladies!  All the single ladies!

Your welcome.

AND NOW, Vh1's TOP TEN OF the 2000s...

10... "In Da Club" by 50 Cent (2003)

Really?  Like, really?  

9... "We Belong Together" by Post-Skank Mariah Carey (2005)

I have often referenced my inclination to Pre-Skank Mariah and how awesome she was over Post-Skank Mariah, so I won't go into it.. but I will say that everything after 1997's "Butterfly" album is pure skank.  Notably, the song "Honey" is where it all took a turn for the ho.

This song brought her back around again for me.  While not my favorite Mariah (that's a tie between "Vision of Love", "Dreamlover" and "Always Be My Baby"... or maybe "Fantasy"), its vintage.  Its a throwback, yet just hip enough to be in the 2000s.  Ah, pre-skank Mariah, may we see you again soon.  

8... "Empire State of Mind" by Jay-Z feat. Alicia Keys (2009)

This is a quite a love letter to a city... a New York City Anthem, and I'm not sure why the city itself hasn't adopted it as its City Anthem.  

And Alicia Keys is awesome, as always.  I can listen to this song over and over and over, and have.  Great, great song.

7... "Sexyback" by Justin Timberlake (2006)

Oh no he di'nt!  Oh no he di'nt!  This song is my jam, y'all, MY Jam!

Okay, not really... but I can see a few of these songs listed on this countdown not necessarily for their artistic merit, but more for their importance, and this song was a monster.  Timberlake had broken free from *NSync, and was on his way to superstardom, had some huge hits, and then a few years later, released "Future.Love.Sex.Sounds", and this was the lead-off single.  And a catch phrase was born.

Its not even so much that "Sexyback" is cool, it is more that Justin Timberlake singing this is cool.  And how many people do you know have used the term "I'm bringing sexy back..."

6... "Gold Digger" by Kanye West feat. Jamie Foxx (2005)

Dude. This song.  Like, this song.  Can't help it.  For all the punk that Kanye is and can be, this song is fantastic.  

Here's the scene... 2005 Video Music Awards.. I was watching (don't ask me why) and out of the floor of the stage rises one Kanye West and one Jamie Foxx, looking all cool and sleek, posed and frozen.  Suddenly, Jamie starts into a "She takes my money... when I'm in need..." then the beat kicks in, and I watch one of the coolest live performances I've ever, ever seen.   And its this song.

I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger... she ain't messin' with no broke (broke)

Do me a favor... holla "We want pre-nupt!" (we want pre-nupt!)

I love love love this song

5... "Since U Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson (2004)

Everyone likes this song.  Some people love it, some only like it a little, but to some degree, everyone likes this song.  How can you not?  Its infectious like the basement of the CDC...

The Lovely Steph Leann has joined the room for the Top Ten, and she's over on the couch bobbing her head, watching with total interest.  And when this song comes on the radio, I sing along.  And so do you.  Kelly might never have been better before or since... though I do enjoy "Behind These Hazel Eyes".  Love me some Kelly Clarkson.

4... "Lose Yourself" by Eminem (2002)

We've now hit the first song on this entire countdown that I could make an argument for being the #1 song of the decade.  This song... amazing.  And he even won a stinkin' Oscar for it.

Now, my favorite Eminem song is quite simply "Without Me", a totally hilarious, yet quite incredible rhyme... but "Lose Yourself" might be his actual best work.  I saw "8 Mile" not too long ago, and its not that bad.  

And when Em sings, you believe it.  He's blowing the mic away, he's jamming, he's just rapping and singing with so much ferocity, and you really get into it.  And if you knew the words, you'd sing along, though you probably don't know the words.  

3... "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga (2008)

Sigh.

I have come to accept that Gaga is here to stay.  Perhaps in 1982, fuddy duddies like me were saying the same thing about that new Madonna chick that just came up on the scene... and now, here's Lady Gaga.  

Okay, she's got a great voice.  And "Bad Romance"?  I'm a sucker for it.  And yes, this song is pretty good.  It's catchy.  But #3?  Really?  

2... "Hey Ya!" by Outkast (2003)

Now... if I had to list a "Greatest Songs of the 2000s" and "My Favorite Songs of the 2000s", this song would be #1 on the former list, #2 on the latter list.  "Hey Ya!" is one of the best songs ever performed, crossing all genres of awesome.  Even The Lovely Steph Leann likes it, and she don't go for the blasted rappin' crappin music!  She says, "Its not rap, its pop.  I like pop."

The video?  Best of the 2000s, in my Top Five All Time.  There are EIGHT different Andre 3000s on the stage, and he even manages to slip in a few scandalous lines towards the end (don't read the lyrics if you don't want to know, though its nothing too terrible) but the song is so fun, you don't even notice.

It shows a Beatle-type frenzied performance by the band Andre 3000 and The Love Below, consisting of eight members:  Possum Jenkins on bass... Johnny Vulture on guitar (yes ladies, he's still single)... Benjamin Andre (on keyboard)... Dookie on drums... Andre (ice cold) 3000 on lead vocals... and, of course, The Love Haters on backup vocals.  And all are played by Andre 3000 himself.

And yes, the song asks you to shake it (you can determine what "it" is) like a Polaroid Picture, and Polaroid had to come out with a statement that said, "Hey ya, you used to coulda shaken our pics, but don't do it anymore, you don't have to."

I love this song, man. I really do.

And finally...

1... "Crazy in Love" by Beyonce feat. Jay-Z (2003)

This song?  Beyonce singing along with her babydaddy?

Uh-oh uh-oh uh-oh

No no no

I'm conflicted... while I don't think it should have been the top song of the entire decade, I can't make much of an argument against it--heck, I sing this song sometimes at work.

As Vh1 shows clips from the video, I can only surmise one observation... well, two.  First, she jiggles alot.  And honestly, I'm not sure I'm ready for that jelly.  Secondly, there must have been a heckuva lot of double-sided tape used in those particular outfits.

Great song.  Great choice.    

And there you go.  The Top 100 Songs of the 2000s... agree, disagree, its not my list, its Vh1.  What's my list?  That's a great question... perhaps soon...

Fiddy Watch, Day 2

Well, it's early. I was up late, and I was up early. No kid yet and I'm already tired... Guess I'm getting prepared for that state of being.

So, we were supposed to be due on 12/17. The new, fancy schmancy wing of the Brookwood Medical Center opens on December 2nd, which I thought we would pass by at least a week, even if Fiddy came early... But o never imagined she/he would come this early! What the crap, mini me?!

I'll try to keep this page updated today so you will know what's going on... Website traffic, great suspense, big "reveal" at the end, who loses? No one, that's who!

633a
Up, out and on my way to the hospital! Got my pillow, got some clothes, got my toiletries, got my... Crap

637a
Up, out and on my way to the hospital!
Got pillow, got clothes, got my wallet now and... Crap

643a
Up, out and on my way to the hospital! Got my phone charger now!

658a
At Burger King. Their sausage, egg and cheese croissan'wich is so stinkin good. It's sad, though, when the Cole machine is slightly off kilter--too much syrup or not enough, too much carbonation or not enough, I can never tell what the issue is. I have had enough co-cola, bottled, fountain and other, to know when it's not right.

First world problems for $300, Alex

702a
And finally, on the way. It's a crisp 27 degrees outside, the first real frost of the season, nice and sunny. What a great day to have a baby.

724a
There are a few "Expectant Mothers" parking spaces available. I have an expectant mother in this very hospital. So I parked there. And I felt judgment from an also-parking expectant mother. Don't hate.

754a
Due to a number of (non-serious, mostly) issues, Dr. Babysnatcher just came in and said, "I think it's time to have this baby."

823a
So, the "water" in the "water breaking" part of it... That was one of the oddest, and at the same time, most foul smelling things I've ever olfactored. Whew.

843a
Dr. Babysnatcher has told us that it will likely be some time this morning... The Lovely Steph Leann is dozing and I'm trying to stay awake in this sleepy, dimly lit room.

1056a
So far, the morning has been really nothing more than feeding ice chips (four cups so far) in between her naps (about nine of those so far). We are in that weird "in labor but not yet ready to deliver" phase. Perhaps this afternoon.

1236p
I'm always amused at how fast she falls asleep, especially in times of duress... She will be talking to me, and won't finish before she starts a light snore.

1238p
I'm hungry. Like, really hungry. Mama Ruthless left hours ago, going home to shower and coming back soon. I'm at the bedside of The Lovely Steph Leann, and I won't leave her by herself. Do the math and that equals a hungry d$, but can't do anything about it.

Dr. Babysnatcher is coming back around 130 to check up on her, and we will see what happens then... But all signs are good so far.

1243p
Sitting here in a dark room, listening to The Lovely Steph Leann quietly sleep, and my head nods a little. My fingers relax and the phone slips, but then I awake, my reflexes jump into action and I catch the iPhone in midair.

Cause I'm that good. Boo ya, or something.

145p
Me: I see the look on your face. Soon, isn't it?
Her: Yes

149p
Because of her blood pressure, we have opted for the epidural. She didn't want it, but it's about the safest option now.

211p
CONTRACTION!!!

214p
CONTRACTION!!!!!!

217p
All I know is, I couldn't do this

221p
I'm outside while they do the epidural. Not to be too selfish, but holy crap I'm hungry.

227p
So, now that I'm outside the room with time to reflect, I gotta say... I'm one heck of a good breathing coach. The downside? I'm pretty lightheaded right now. And starving. Not a championship combination.

236p
Because they are in the room and I'm not allowed to be right now, I had to go down the hall to the bathroom. And there are all sorts of bellows and wails coming from various closed doors along the way. I'm not convinced that I didn't just pass a room with a delivering beluga whale. And it might have been singing Beiber.

238p
At this point, when I stop posting for a few minutes means that we--I say "we", when all I'm doing is breathing in a rhythmic fashion--are actually having a baby. Good times.

315p
You ever have that friend that calls you up, in a frenzybusyhurry to tell you that they are coming over, like, RIGHT NOW!!! so you gotta clean up, run around and put things away, hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and get ready...

...only to find out that even though you rushed and took shortcuts to get ready, they arent coming over for a while--only they don't call, they just fail to show up...

Yeah, that's our kid.

328p
Alrighty... Here we go. As Rafiki would say... "it is time."

437p
Campbell Isaiah Dollar is here

446p
He weighs 8lbs, 3oz... 21 3/4 inches. He is perfect.

507p
I know that this is supposed to be magical, and it was amazing... But this was one of the weirder things I've ever seen... Just saying.

552p
Well, there you have it. I wanted to write this blog so our friends and family could follow along and know what's happening, so I can remember the day better and so little Campbell can read about it one day too.

We have noticed that little man... well, he is a crier. But we love him.

Thanks for all the well wishes on Facebook and here, and thanks to all the guys sent me texts and offered food and nursery help and so on...

What a monumental day...

Be My, Be My Baby (be my little baby...)

So I wanted to use a song with the word "Baby" in the title, and thought The Ronettes classic was as good as any.  I considered Amy Grant's "Baby Baby" and even TLC's "Baby Baby Baby", but "Be My Baby" is better.

And for those of you thinking, "Oh geez, another list he isn't going to finish...", speaking of The 100 Greatest Songs of the 2000s, never fear, my dear my dear, as I have finished it.  I've written the entire thing, and was going to finish my links, pics and videos on it, and give it a few tweaks when...

343p
"Hey," I answered the phone when it rang.
"Uh..." came the other voice, belonging to The Lovely Steph Leann, "So, my doctors appointment was today, right...?"
"Yeah.  Did you miss it or something?"
"No, I'm still here.  As a matter of fact, the doctor told me that I can't go home.  They are wheeling me down to Labor and Delivery."
"What?!  Like, right now?"
"Yup.  Like, right now, I'm in a wheelchair, and I'm being taken downstairs.  The baby comes tonight or tomorrow."

Looking at my calendar, I notice that its Wednesday, November 30th, NOT Saturday, December 17th... as in, our due date was 12/17, not 11/30.  Or even 12/1.  So, Fiddy Cent is something like two and a half weeks early.

"So, do I need to come down there now?  What do I do?"
"Well, wait until I get settled in Labor and Delivery.  I'll call you back and tell you if I'm for sure staying, or they are sending me home."

402p and 14 seconds to 402p and 17 seconds
Here are my complete thoughts.

Like holy cow the nursery isnt ready did you see john and ashley wolf's nursery for evalie it was like done two months before she even showed up and we still have a futon couch in our nursery that has to be moved but it cant be moved yet because of all the stuff in the hallway to be sorted through donated recycled and thrown out and we still dont have all of our stuff yet i mean we bought a stroller last night but its still in the back of stephs car unassembled with the car seat so we dont even have a stinking car seat in workable use just yet and apparently we have to have a base for it to go in our car and it has to be installed to be safe what is up with that but it doesnt matter because we dont have it even put together much less installed and survivor is on tonight guess i will miss it though its getting good and we are supposed to get a baby monitor from a family that pledged to buy us one but they haven't bought it yet so do we go ahead and buy it or wait it out because i think it would be rude to say something to them but we kinda need to know and craig campbell what the heck is the bernie dance never heard of it and holy crap my wife might be having a baby right now she is having a baby soon but what if its right now do i want a boy boys are smelly and stinky but drama free for the most part or do i want a girl girls are full of drama and gossip but they smell like lavender and are much more likely to enjoy watching meet me in st louis with her daddy and what if our kid doesnt like disney stuff i mean we can force it on him her whoever but that doesnt mean they will be genetically inclined to like it and i dont even have a tree up yet and there are still like four bouncy seat play pen things up in the uncompleted nursery that aren't even put together yet and did you know there are like nineteen different kinds of bottle nipples that word makes me giggle because im a boy and stephanie is having a baby holy cow we aren't even ready for this...

445p
I start making a mad dash around the house, preparing an overnight bag, not sure what to take and what not to take.  Do I take some of the kids clothes?  I want my first pics of this kid to be in something cool, like the Rocky Balboa onesie I bought for Campbell Isaiah, or the pink princessy job I got for Lorelei Addison, not some drab hospital issued whatever.  What do I take for myself?  Am I coming back?  Will I be able to?

505p
Phone rings.  Its The Lovely Steph Leann.  And the orders are simply, "Come on down.  Dr. Babysnatcher will be in the room in a little while for an update.  I'd like to have you with me."  Yes ma'am!  So, I toss a few more things into the back, including toothbrushes and pastes and clothes and so on and so forth, and shoot out the door.

Now, before I go calling anyone and everyone, I want to make sure this isn't a false alarm or anything.  Don't want Melanie giving away all my own hours at work only to find out Saturday that, yes, I need those hours back, whoops.

552p
In Room 8 of Labor and Delivery.  The Lovely Steph Leann is in the bed next to me, IV in her arm, shooting up magnesium like a boss, and Dr. Babysnatcher comes in.  And yes, this baby is coming tonight.  Or tomorrow.  Probably tomorrow.  But possibly tonight.  Holy crap.

554p
I do get in touch with a few people, including my manager (and best friend) Melanie.  Within a few minutes, she replies back that she's got my shifts covered at work already.  And this is why she rules.  Well, that, and she's gorgeous.  That helps.  Where was I?  Oh yeah, the baby...

631p
The plans are made.  I am going to go out again, get my own self some dinner, come back to The Cabana and get some stuff that I forgot to get for her, then go get her some dinner.  Her mom will come and stay the night with her, and I'll get a few hours of sleep and be back early tomorrow morning (yes, thats in about five hours, sue me)

723p
Finally actually leaving the hospital

741p
Walking around The Cabana, gathering necessary supplies, thinking to myself, "Wow.  So, this will be the last evening I'll spend here without a kid down the hall."  I fail to give myself the reproachful look that she gave me when I told this to her.

821p
Sitting at Chick-fila, eating a chicken sandwich, observing that I'll make it back to the hospital by 9, which is important, because some of the main doors at the Women's Center are locked at 9p, and you have to use a different entrance and a separate parking area.  This is good.

825p
Get a call from Mama Ruthless, the mom-in-law and soon to be grandmother for the 3rd time.  I gotta go pick her up and take her to the hospital.  This kills my 9p plan.  Sighing, I agree, and go back to eating my sandwich.

841p
Arrive at the In-Laws house.  See Mama Ruthless, thinking there's an outside shot we might make it still.

853p
Seeing her get into the vehicle, and realizing that there's no shot that we might make that 9pm cutoff

912p
Pull up at Brookwood After Hours entrance.  Drop off, unload, then go find the parking deck that I can get into

914p
Figure out that the doors that were supposed to be locked are not locked, and I freely move through the sidewalks and corridors.  Whoops

944p
Leave The Lovely Steph Leann with her mom and head home, thinking about all the crap that we really haven't done.  Heck, we got our stroller last night, and until a few minutes later, it was still in the back of Steph's car.

127a
So, I've made a run to Wal-Mart, and then spent the better part of three hours now cleaning up the house, washing baby clothes and assembling a stroller and car seat.  And I'm really, really tired.

So, I'l end this here... I did install a new app on the phone for Blogger, so I'm hoping to be able to update during the day to the website.

Do you want to know if its a boy or girl?  Well, a few special people will know first--Melanie... Wookiee... Mikey... a select few more.  Otherwise, check this site tomorrow... you'll read it here first.

And if you think I'm using the occasion of my child's birth to actually drive traffic to my website... well... you might be right.  So there.

The Best Songs of the 2000s (Part I)

Hey!  Remember me?!  Of course you do!  Heck, I've gained about twenty followers on Facebook since I haven't blogged in a few weeks, so perhaps in order to get to 300 or something, I should never blog again!  But what fun would that be?

So, this is #800.  I had started writing something a bit special, something a little personal, a story I've audibly told to a few people--and a church congregation--but hadn't written, and I thought "wow, for this blogging milestone of mine own, perhaps I should do something such as this..."  And having to write it a bit at a time, its just not getting done.  It might be December before I get this done... and today, I just want to be a little funny.  I'll try, anyway.

A few months back, and by a "few months back", I mean September of 2010, I blogged about a Vh1 countdown on the Greatest Songs of the 90s... Part One is here... and Part Two is here.

Well, flipping the channels one day, looking at the grid on DishNetwork, and see on Vh1 that "The Greatest 100 Songs of the 2000s" is on.  All five hours of it, all five parts, from 100 to the best song of the years 2000 to 2009...

Now, when watching this show, you must understand, I haven't seen this show at all.  So, as I list each song and talk about each one, I'm discovering it for the first time on this countdown.

Without further Gerard Depardeau, let's get this thing going...

#100... "The Thong Song" by Sisquo
This might be one of the dumbest songs I've ever heard.  Like, I enjoy some crappy music... but Sisqo isn't just having fun, he's pouring passion into his lyrics.  About a thong.   A major one hit wonder.  One of the best undie songs, I guess.

#99... "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood
THIS is the "You Oughta Know" of this decade.  Carrie ain't playing, as she dug the keys into the side of the purty little souped up four wheel drive, got her name in his leather seats, took a Louisville Slugger to the headlights, there are now holes in ALL four tires, and perhaps, just maybe, he'll think about it before he cheats... but he ain't cheatin' on her.  She ain't giving him the chance.

The Lovely Steph Leann loves this song.  A little too much, methinks.

#98... "Kryptonite" by Three Doors Down (2000)
Dude!  I freakin' love this song!  I don't really know exactly what it really means, but this song rules.  Three Doors Down is kind of like Nickleback's tribute band... or maybe Nickelback is Three Doors Down's tribute band?  I dunno.

But, I do have a question...

If I go crazy, will you STILL call me Superman?

#97... "It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy, feat. Rik Ross (2000)
The entire appeal of this song is Shaggy and his ridiculous voice.  The moral of this song is, she saw you with that chick, she has the evidence to prove it, and Shaggy just replies "It wasn't me..."  Seriously.  Honestly, I can't really tell you what Shaggy even says, be it here ,or that crazy "Boombastic" song.

#96... "Don't Cha" by The Pussycat Dolls feat. Busta Rhymes (2006)

I'll take the Spice over the Pussycat any day.

Ladies and gentlemen, the 2000s version of The Spice Girls, I give you the Pussycat Dolls!  Whether you think they are attractive or not is irrelevant... they think know they are, and they not only want you to know it, but your chick too.  Don't cha wish your chick was a bra-wearing slut with all sorts of venereal diseases hot like me, don't cha?

You know what?

The Spice Girls > The Pussycat Dolls.

There, I said it.

#95... "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt (2005)
Holy crap was this song annoying.  I mean, can you be a man and still be as whipped as Jimmy Blunt comes across being?  Seriously.  And EVERY girl I knew loved this song, and no wonder, the entire four minutes is nothing but him telling her how good looking she is.  Sheesh.  Its like, they are all saying, "I wish my man would sing this to me."  I feel like the song is a 3 minute theme to The Hallmark Channel. Next.

And James Blunt even says that the song is a sad one, about heartbreak and crap... which makes me happy.  Ha!

Erin the Marine Wife... this one is for you.

#94... "Its Not Over" by Daughtry (2006)
Dude, Chris Daughtry is kinda cool... and just about EVERY woman I know loves them some Daughtry, especially Erin the Marine Wife.  Holy crap does she love her some C-Dah...

This is a pretty good song, and truly, he's kinda easy to like.  And probably the most successful non-winner of American Idol, Jennifer Hudson's Oscar aside, Chris Daughtry has this cool voice that sounds like, if Scott Stapp from Creed and Chad Kroeger from Nickelback hooked up and somehow fathered a child, with some Three Doors Down lead singer guy thrown in there, it would be Chris Daughtry.  Just sayin'.

Seriously, though... is this the 94th best song of the decade?

#93... "Here It Goes Again" by OKGo (2006)
Alright... this speaks to this indy/emo/non-radio kind of bands that became huge in the last ten years, getting fame not from Spinderella kickin' it up one time (that's Disc Jockeys who used to play the songs on the airwaves, to help you young folk with your new fangledy Spotify and Pandora and crap) but rather through digital media, YouTube, websites and so on.  Bands like OKGo, Panic! at the Disco, TV on the Radio, and even artists like Jack Johnson, and such.

I'll be honest with ya... you could toss out ten songs and say, "Nine of these are OKGo and one is Panic! at the Disco, pick the Panic! song" and I'd probably fail miserably.  They all sound alike.

And I'll go on record and say the ONLY reason this song is on this list is because of that dancing treadmill routine in the video.  Very cool routine, song is not memorable.

#92... "Low" by Flo Rida feat. T-Pain (2007)
While I don't have much to say about this song, I like how this one guy on the show discussing this song is wearing a shirt that says, "Negroes On Ice".  Yes, he's black.  But I'm not sure that anyone but a black dude could wear that shirt.

This song was featured in "Tropic Thunder" when Les Grossman (Tom Cruise) was welcoming us to "The Goody Room."

#91... "With Arms Wide Open" by Creed (2007)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No one likes this song.  Stop nodding.  You don't like it either.

If I'm sitting on a hilltop, stretching my arms and singing about Campbell Isaiah, you freakin' punch me in the face, because I'll deserve it.

Oh.  So that's a Mystikal.  Hm.

#90... "Shake Ya A**" by Mystikal (2000)
Wait.. what?

What the heck is a Mystikal?

How did this rank above "Its Not Over" by Daughtry?  This might be the worst song I've heard since #91.

Funnily enough, I looked up the Mystik Man himself on Wiki, and read about his brief career, his feuds with other rappers, and his prison time for extortion and sexual assault of his hair stylist, among other things.

Then I read where, upon release from prison, he talked about how all success he had seemed like a dream, and how he now wants to come back... then he says, "...but now watch how I shake things up -- I want reparations."  Really?  Your forced yourself upon your hairstylist and YOU think you are owed payment?  Really?  What an idiot.

Were I rapper, I think I'd have to find myself a feud to make a name for myself.  I'd probably try to stir some crap up with rappers I know I could out-dis, like Ja Rule, Common and maybe Will Smith, who just seems too nice.  I'd dis them in my rap songs titled, "Ja Rule Ain't No Gangsta" and "Common is a Homo N****".  But I'd stay away from anything having to do with Suge Knight, because I don't want to get shot.  Or eaten.

Let's move on.

#89... "Paper Planes" by M.I.A. (2007)
How old am I?  I've never even heard of this song... what is an M.I.A.?  Is she related to Mystikal?

This makes me fearful that I'm going to hear Ke$ha somewhere on this list, which might shoot the credibility of this entire countdown in the foot.

This is a horrible song!  This is the worst song I've heard since #90... and #91!

#88... "Stacy's Mom" by Fountains of Wayne (2003)
Now THIS is a memorable song.  When you meet someone named Stacy... or Tracy... or Lacy... or Gracie... or any other "acy" name, don't tell me that "...mom has got it going on..." doesn't pop into that head.

I don't know if it works this way in bigger cities, but in small towns it seems like there is one mom that all the guys--from about age 12 to 15--are like, "dude... Mrs. (insert Mom name here) is so pretty!" or "hot!" or "awesome".  Yes, there was one in Samson too.  And my buddies and I, all 13 years old, all thought she was gorgeous.  Her son was/is a good guy, but I always felt bad for him with the whole, "Dude, stop looking at my mom!" thing.

#87... "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" by The Darkness (2003)
This song frakkin' rules.  Its a complete homage and/or parody of all that crazy hair metal from the late 80s... channeling Slaughter and Winger and Warrant and early Poison and Damn Yankees and all that crap, I feel like this song brought a Hair Band Education to the kids of today.  My brother in law Tyler so dug this song.

And the video, with the Freddie Mercury falsetto rocking out, is awesome.

#86... "Jaded" by Aerosmith (2000)
Hey, look, its Aerosmith with a song that sounds like a ton of their other songs!  Probably one of my least favorite Aerosmith songs.  Try "Love in an Elevator".  Much better.

#85... "I Try" by Macy Gray (2000)
I don't even know what to say about this song.  I mean... it sucks.  It just does.  Toss it in the Mystikal pile.  Wait... Macy Gray... isn't her career... M.I.A.?  Ha!  See what I did there?

#84... "In the End" by Linkin Park (2004)
This is a great driving song.  I love how they got the rap going on with the rock... "I try so haaaaard... and got so faaaar... in the end, it doesn't even maaaaatter...."

I really dig this tune... not much of their other stuff, but this one is cool.  Probably one of my 500 favorite songs of all time... wait... I don't own this song?  What?  What the...?

(click over to iTunes... type "Linki" and "Linkin Park" comes up.  Click on "Linkin Park".  Scroll and see "In the End" for $1.29.  Purchase.  Done.)  

Yes I love technology... but not as much as you, you see... yes, I love technology... now and forever...

#83... "Untitled (how does it feel)" by D'Angelo (2000)
So, like, D'Angelo is this one hit wonder from the cusp of the decade that sang this sensual, sexy, somewhat kinda silly song, all R&B and such, nothing you haven't heard from Ralph Tresvant or Johnny Gill or the like.  I'm not saying its a bad song, but its not anything revolutionary.

It was the video, however, that gives this song its popularity.  D'Angelo is cut and chiseled to body perfection, and he shows it off.  All of it.  The video just him singing, black background contrasting his dark skin, and he's pretty much nekkid.  And chicks went crazy over this.  And the dudes were like, "Dude, man, put a freakin' shirt on at least.  Put some pants on, for the love!"

I would imagine if D'Angelo had actually sung "You're Beautiful" while doing this same video, women worldwide would have spontaneously combusted.

#82... "Unwell" by matchboxtwenty (2003)
Perhaps its just my soft-rock preference, perhaps its just that I like a good singer/song writer, perhaps I just enjoy a guitar, a band and a good voice like Rob Thomas has... either way, I dig this tune.

Go back to the Greatest Songs of the 90s, and at #48 is one of my all time favorite, Top 25 songs ever, "3am"... "Unwell" isn't as good as that one, though this is singable, its meaningful and the opening with the banjo is great.

By the way, do you remember when they went from Matchbox 20 to matchbox twenty?   They weren't crazy, they were just a little unwell.  I know, right now, you can't tell.

(in leading to commercial, Vh1 just informed me, during a segment about 2000s artists wearing fedoras, that Ne-Yo has made at least 12 music videos with fedoras in them.  That means that he has done over 12 videos, just a dozen of them have fedoras.  My point is... when did Ne-Yo put out 12 singles?")

#81... "The Rising" by Bruce Springsteen (2002)
See, this is hard because this song came out after, and partly because of, 9/11.  As an homage to the NYFD, its an emotional, powerful song that to me, is a pretty good song, but mostly because of its origins.  However, I must say that the dude from OKGo just tried to tell me that "It was the first musical response to 9/11..." and I say, "Bullcorn to that poppycock..."  I would give that crown to Alan Jackson and his version of "Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning", a much better song.  Dubya Rulz!  Obama's a foolz!

#80... "Get Low" by Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz feat. Ying Yang Twins
When your artist name is six times as long as the song you are singing, it might be time to drop a few ampersands and feature tags.  Just saying.

Didn't Flo Rida already do this song?  Wait, that was "Low"... so this song is helped the birth of Crunk, I guess.  And I think this might be the song that Sandra Bullock was shaking her Mystikal too in "The Proposal" around the fireplace... maybe?

YYEAYAHH.... OHHHKAYYY!!

#79... "Hero" by Enrique Iglesias (2001)
This song sucks.  Got nothing else to say.

The video had Mickey Rourke in it, and he kills Enrique in it, so the video has some redeeming qualities.  And it has Jennifer Love Hewitt.   So, when the video comes on, just hit mute.

#78... "Hey There Delilah" by Plain White T's (2006)
This proves the power of a dude and his guitar.  What a great, great song.  Its catchy, its soft and its fun to sing.

I always thought if Factor 7 would have hit it big, it would have been with a song like this, with Drew Morris plucking a guitar and Brad Latta softly singing.

#77... "This Is How You Remind Me" by Nickelback (2001)
Remember the days before Nickelback became a punchline?  Back when all their songs didn't sound so much alike, because you only had a few songs to compare?  And how crappy do you feel if you are Nickelback and over 50,000 people sign a petition to keep you from singing at an NFL Game halftime show?

Poor Nickelback.

I'VE BEEN WRONG

(bom bom)

I'VE BEEN DOWN

(bom bom)

TO THE BOTTOM OF EVERY BOTTLE

Say what you want, this song rocks.

#76... "Live Your Life" by T.I. feat. Rihanna
Okay, I'll admit it... this song is kinda fun.  Sorta.  Though it makes me think about "The Hangover", in which is was prominently.

Speaking of Mystikal, back to the stupid name thing, I don't have a problem with T.I.... its the fact he has an alter ego named T.I.P.  What does that even mean?  And T.I. and T.I.P., being the same person, are different that T-Pain, right?  I should get my gangstas straight.

#75... "I Don't Wanna Be" by Gavin DeGraw (2004)
Let me tell ya, in 2004, this song was EEEEEEVVVVVEERRRRYYWWWHHHEEEERRRREEE.... you could not turn around without hearing this song.  Every other American Idol contestant sang this song, and I kept expecting Ryan Seacrest to tell us, "And next week, its "I Don't Wanna Be" week, where EVERY remaining Idol will sing this song.  Twice!"

I don't wanna be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately.  Uh... me too?  Me either?  I dunno how to answer that.

Much, much better.  

#74... "Ridin'" by Chamillionaire feat. Krayzie Bone (2006)
I'll be transparent and say that I cannot, for the life of me, hear this song and not only think about, but replace lyrics with, the song "White and Nerdy" by Weird Al, picturing Donny Osmond dancing in the background, Judy Tenuta on the couch and Seth Green showing off his Star Wars figures.

If there is any justice in this world, "White and Nerdy" would be on this list somewhere.

Oh, and shout out to Krayzie Bone, from Bone Thugs N Harmony, representin'... boo ya.  Or something.

#73... "Promiscuous" by Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland
Dude, early Nelly Furtado, that "Fly Like a Bird" and "Follow Me Down" junk--hated it.  It was horrible.  However, Nelly Furtado 2.0 with "Say It Right" and this song... okay, basically anything where Timbaland is involved... I freakin' love me some Nelly Furtado 2.0.

This song Rules with a Capital R.  I think of OKGo joined with Timbaland, I'd listen.  Especially if Nelly Furtado was singing lead.  Love me some Furtado.

#72... Are You Gonna Be My Girl" by Jet (2003)
Awesome song.  Just crazy, funny rock and roll, stupid lyrics, gangly band, and all kinds of a party going on.  This was an awesome driving song.  Makes me want to shake my head around to and fro... well, not while driving, mind you.


(just realized I didn't have this song in my music library... so naturally, I went to iTunes and paid the 69 cents... but along the way, I made an important discovery.  Bob Seger & the Silver Bullet Band now has ALL their major hits available.  This is a big deal because "Rock & Roll Never Forgets" was not available--until now.  And so not only did I pick up a great little rock tune from 2003, I picked up one of the all time classic driving songs ever.  I rule)

#71... "Bubbly" by Colbie Caillat (2007)
Gotta say, I love me some Colbie Caillat.  Like, she makes my life better.  And this song started it all.  She's so darn cute, and she's got this incredible coffee house voice...

And her CDs only get better and better.  Colbie is so great... and did you know she auditioned for American Idol, WITH THIS SONG, and didn't make it!  So, she used MySpace, back when anyone actually used MySpace.  Love love love this song.



#70... "Run It!" by Chris Brown feat. Juelz Santana
Can't beat Chris Brown.  Just ask Rihanna.  Ha!  (too soon?)

Oh, the song?  Eh.  I'm not entirely convinced that he and Ne-Yo aren't actually the same person, kind of like a T.I./T.I.P. thing.

#69... "Bring Me To Life" by Evanescence (2003)
This is a very good song, though it suffered greatly from the "overplay" that happens when great song becomes a very popular great song and radio stations feel the need to play the absolute crap out of it.  I think its a reflection of how short our attention span is--and how we listen to the radio for about, oh, three minutes, so they have to play the popular songs over and over to keep you listening...

So you had this awesome chick singing and this dude rapping and this chick turns around and starts belting out the melodrama, and its just so cool.

#68... "Stand Up" by Ludacris feat. Shawnna (2003)
Holy crap do I love this song.  Don't get me wrong, I like Luda, but I'll admit he's very, very dirty sometimes, and I don't listen to his filthy stuff... but talk about a party anthem?  And that video is freakin' awesome... midgets... chicks eating fried chicken... babies peeing... big afros... and boy does Luda love him some fried chicken and thick women.

#67... "Bleedin' Love" by Leona Lewis (2007)
If music could be a contagious disease, this song would be an epidemic.  Now, that's not to say its bad, but its catchy and it spreads and its AWESOME.  She'll never have another hit like this--this is what she'll forever be known for.  And that's not a bad thing.

Keep bleedin', keep keep bleedin' love... you cut me open and I... (its in your head now, ain't it?  It should be)


#66... "Drop It Likes It Hot" by Snoop Dogg feat. Pharrell (2004)
Catch phrase alert!  Catch phrase alert!

Its like Snoop comes into relevance about every five years with some stupid song that sucks you in and makes you repeat it over and over, then he disappears, then comes back in another five years.  Snoop is a legend.

I feel like Pharrell is a cheaper version of Timbaland.  Get in the welfare line, get your buttah, your cheez, and your rap producer.

#65... "Try Again" by Aaliyah (2000)
More Timbaland!  So, even though I don't know a lot of her music, I dig Aaliyah.  Perhaps it was her Oscar nominated turn in "Romeo Must Die", one of my 250 favorite movies of all time.  No, seriously, I love the crap out of that movie.

RIP Aaliyah.

#64... "I'm Real (murder remix)" by Jennifer Lopez feat. Ja Rule
What in the world happened to Ja Rule?  Wasn't he supposed to be huge?  I feel like that Ja Rule and Mystikal are hanging at a crib somewhere.  And T.I. will join them in the "No Career Anymo'" support group.

This song is kinda fun, but annoying after a while.  Kinda like Jennifer Lopez, who, for my money was at her peak with "Waiting for Tonight" from the album "On the 6".  After that, not so much.

And by the way, should I be disturbed that there is a version of "I'm Real", then there is a remix of "I'm Real" called "The Murder Remix?"  Just curious.

#63... "Party Hard" by Andrew WK (2001)
Who the...

What the heck is...

I mean, I've never heard this song... I've never heard OF this song...

Maybe I'm just old.  The Lovely Steph Leann has joined me in this viewing, and is staring blankly at the television.  She shrugs, says, "Geez..." and turns back to her Nook.

Who is Andrew WK?  Is he related to Louis CK?

#62... "Complicated" by Avril Lavigne
So, I'm not actually equipped to enjoy this song properly.  (A) I'm not a chick... (B) I'm not an 11 year old chick... (C) I don't go to the mall... (D) I don't live in the rough suburbs of Canada...

And I feel like Avril peaked here.  She kinda took herself too seriously after this, and tried to hard to be a "real artist".  It is kinda catchy, though.

#61... "Milkshake" by Kelis (2003)
Holy crap does this song suck.  I mean, like, hard.

However comma

I have been known to drop the line, "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard..." for no apparent reason.

But this song does still suck.

#60... "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha (2009)
Speaking of suck...

Someone told me the other day there was something they liked about Ke$ha... I asked, "What?" and they replied, "She knows she's not very good, but she just does her thing anyway."

Okay, you know what... I kinda like this song.  And I hate hate HATE myself for saying that.  Forget I said that.

(for the record... I just bought the song on iTunes.  I don't even know myself anymore)

#59... "Cry Me a River" by Justin Timberlake (2002)
This song is dadgum awesome... not just the song is cool, but because Timberlake is giving the middle finger straight up to Britney Spears.  I mean, like, "Suck it, ho" with this song... even the video portrays the whole scenario between him and BritBrit, and how it all went bad.

The Lovely Steph Leann just got all philosophical and asked, "If they had stayed together... would he have turned into the playboy he is, and would she have gone off the deep end?"  Deep stuff.

#58... "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz (2008)
Here's the word I use to describe this song:  Pleasant.

Its so pleasant.  It makes me smile, its peppy, its poppy, its happy, life is breezy easy wheezy beautiful and just... just so... pleasant.

I do dig me some Jason Mraz, though I like "The Remedy (I Won't Worry)" and especially "You and I Both", which I just discovered The Lovely Steph Leann had never heard... so guess what we are listening to right now, as the DVR is on pause?

#57... "Family Affair" by Mary J. Blige (2001)
Oh.  This song is called "Family Affair"?  I seriously thought it was called "Dance For Me" or "Let's Dance For Me" or something like that.  "Family Affair".  Well, now you know.

However... "Real Love" is the ultimate Mary J. Blige.  Ultimate.  That is one of my favorite 100 songs of all time.  This song?  Yeah, its kinda okay.

#56... "Party (up in here)" by DMX (2000)
Y'all gon' make me looz my mine... up in heh, up in heh
Y'all gon' make me act ah foo... up in heh, up in heh

Who doesn't love this song?  Well, okay, probably Amarylis by Morning (up from san antone).  And maybe Marky Mark.  And definitely The Lovely Steph Leann, who is trying to ignore the tv.

But I think its fun.

#55... "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers (2004)
Um... OKGo?  Panic?  TV on the Radio?  Same thing?

The Lovely Steph Leann pipes up... "Hey!  They play this in 'The Holiday'!"

#54... "Don't Know Why" by Norah Jones (2002)
Talk about peaceful.  Norah's voice is so sweet and beautiful and happy.  And so is this song.  I can hear this song anytime, and it makes me sway a little, light a candle and find a movie on The Hallmark Channel.

Norah Jones rulez.

#53... "All The Small Things" by Blink-182 (2000)
This was the early part of the decade version of the Panic/Killers/OKGo soundalikes... Blink-182, Sum 41 and a slew of other bands that are sorta punky, sorta poppy, sorta dorky and sorta ska-ish.  I mean, what can I say about this song... I like it when I hear, and now that the segment is over, I already forgot about it.

#52... "Hips Don't Lie" by Shakira feat. Wyclef Jean (2006)
Now, I'm in the minority of people that isn't all into Shakira, nor do I find her hips all that fascinating.  Yes, she can move them, but I know someone who can do belly dancing, and those hips are much better.  Um... should I have said that?  Never mind.

She looks like a hula dancer on a dashboard.

#51... "Pocket Full of Sunshine" by Natasha Bedingfield (2008)
If "Bleedin' Love" was the sad, melancholy song that stuck in your head for a few hours, this song is the peppy one that takes over your mind for flipping DAYS.

It will forever be associated with Emma Stone in "Easy A", a great, great film.

I gotta pocket gotta pocket fulla sunshine I gotta love and I know that it's all mine whoa... oh whoa oh...
(everybody)
TAKE ME AWAAAAAAYYYY
THE SWEET ESCAAAAAAPE
TAKE ME AWAAAAAAYYYY

#50... "You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift (2009)
Here's my man card.  You'll be asking for it anyway when I tell you...

I FRIKKIN LOVE THIS SONG.  Probably in my Top Ten of the entire decade.



And the video?  Snobby Taylor vs. Nerdy Taylor... One of my favorite ten favorite videos of ALL TIME.

And I can sing.  Every.  Single.  Word.  of this song.  Cause I just dig it.

#49... "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga (2009)
I was wondering when we'd getting to Gaga.  This is a great song, a fun song, as long as you don't actually have to look at her.  I'm afraid if I saw this, or any, of her videos in their entirety, I'd have to seek help.

There are all these people trying to give their opinions on the artistry and genius of the video and how its done and the costumes and such, and I wonder if anyone gives thought to the idea that maybe, just maybe, Gaga is like, "Hey, what can we do that makes no sense whatsoever?  Like, the least amount of sense possible.  Let's do that."

So I choose not to watch Gaga videos.  There are some things you can't un-see.

#48... "Sex on Fire" by Kings of Leon (2009)
Oh yeah, its the Kings of Leon and ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

#47... "Lady Marmalade" by Christina Aguilera, Lil' Kim, Mya and P!nk (2001)
First... I liked "Moulin Rouge" very much.  Second, this song has sentimental value because before we even started dating, one of the key things I learned from The Lovely Steph Leann was the exact pronunciation of "Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir (ce soir), voulez vous coucher avec moi".  I couldn't say it for the life of me, and she graciously walked me through it.  Its the little things, really.

The third thing about this song that makes me laugh is at the end, when they are all singing, "Marma-laaaade.... marma-laaade..." and each chick gets her own little riff to let those vocals flow... Christina does it.  P!nk does it.  Mya does it.  And Lil' Kim?  All she gets out is "uh uh uh uh uh uuuuhh...."

And this video?  Its like the word "slut" threw up all over the camera.  Cause they are singing about hookin'.  Decide for yourself how you feel about that.

#46... "Picture" by Kid Rock with Sheryl Crow (2002)
How did this song even work?  Like, Kid Rock is this obnoxious rocker rapper dude that drinks beer and smokes crack and bangs chicks and don't give no rip... and Sheryl is a chick with a guitar.  And yet, this song works.  Works really, really well.

In fact, take out the fact that they played this song 3,877 times a day (in between "Bleedin' Love"), and the fact that they played this on rock stations and country stations and soft rock stations and everywhere else... take that out, and really... this is a great, great song.

#45... "Let Me Blow Ya Mind" by Eve feat. Gwen Stefani (2001)
This song is so stupid.

But I love it.

What can I say?  I dig me some Gwen Stefani.  Even that stupid Hollaback crap--I love it.  So, even though Eve is a no talent cricket biscuit, Gwen makes up for her completely.

#44... "Californication" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers (2000)
These guys have been around for 34 forevers, and will be around for another 34 more, I'm sure.  And this song is awesome.  And even after all this time, Flea is still an idiot.

#43... "I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry (2008)
Ladies and gentlemen, America's favorite Pastor's Daughter Rocker Bad Girl!  Former Christian music singer (and she wasn't that great as Katy Hudson) joined the pop culture identity with this ode to the Lesbaterian Church.  Personally, not a fan of this song, lesbian themes aside.

However...

#42... "Drops of Jupiter (tell me)" by Train (2001)
...this song I am totally all about.  Probably one of my 50 favorite songs of all time, and Top Ten of the Decade for me, easy.  Its so much fun to sing along to, and "Love, Pride, Deep Fried Chicken" was a serious consideration for the name of this here blog.

Now, I can tell you that I'm not sure what its actually about... but ya wanna know how I won The Lovely Steph Leann?  I promised her the best soy latte that she'd ever had... and me.  Too bad she doesn't like soy.

Man I love this song.

#41... "Trapped in the Closet" by R. Kelly (2005)
Where do I even begin with this song?  Like, seriously?  This song is so long, its has CHAPTERS... like, almost two dozen of them.  Its so bizarre, so weird, so rambling, so meandering, nothing but R. Kelly telling a story of infidelity and jail and the ghetto and other stuff from about 40 different perspectives, including the perspective of being trapped in the closet.

Its an R&B soap opera, and I don't say that as a joke.  And somehow, someway, I'm completely entertained by the entire thing.

By the way, Weird Al's "Trapped in the Drive Thru" is even better.

Welp, that's Part 1 of The Greatest Songs of the 2000s, at least according to Vh1... look out for Part II coming very soon, as soon as I watch it and blog it... and I hope for darn sure its got some better stuff than some of this junk we've seen already.  For every Coblie or "Drops of Jupiter", there are like, 5 M.I.A.s and a Mystikal.  Stay tuned.