The 100 Coolest Things of 2009... 80 to 71

We continue our countdown of the Coolest Things of 2009... and looking at the next ten, this might be the "Guilty Pleasurest" block of ten in the five year history of The Coolest List.  Not all of them, but some.  Several.  And if you are on Facebook, flip on over to The Clouds and see the blog in its better glory. 

80... Kate Winslet Gets an Oscar
Beyond The Goddess, beyond Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, a founding member of my own Colin Firth Club that The Lovely Steph Leann keeps tucked away is none other than British actress Kate Winslet.  She'd been nominated six times for an Academy Award, but on Sunday, February 22nd, she finally got hers... in my running diary, I posted this:

1032p... KATE!!! KATE!!! KATE!!! KATE!!! KATE!!! KATE!!! KATE!!! KATE!!! KATE!!! KATE HAS AN OSCAR!!! KATE HAS AN OSCAR!!! KATE HAS AN OSCAR!!!!!! KATE WINSLET WINS AN OSCAR!!!! KATE!!! KATE!!! KATE!!!

1035p... We knew Kate Winslet would win this, but that doesn't make it any less freakin' awesome. KATE KATE KATE!!!

Needless to say, I was excited.  Still am.

79... Pickler's New Album
For anyone who has read this blog longer than a few days, you'll realize a few things.  First, Mama Gilmore is much more attractive than Daughter Gilmore.  Secondly, Hootie & the Blowfish rocks.  Third, I love stupid movies.  Fourth, I eat lots of food.  Fifth, I believe the Dixie Chicks only deserved a small part of what they got.  Sixth, He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected is a one-term president.  Seventh, if back massages were on Facebook, I'd hit the "dislike" button.  Eighth, I will only watch "A Christmas Story" on Christmas Eve, and refuse to buy it.  Ninth, Erin the Marine Wife is to be commended.  Finally, I think Pickles is awesome. 
 
Her first CD, "Small Town Girl", was pretty good for a post-Idol debut, better than even Kat McPhee's decently good CD.  So, when Pickles second album came rollin' out, I went to Best Buy and I bought it.  Yeah, I might be the only person you know that owns a Pickles CD, but hey, I dig it.  Favorite track?  The great, soarin' vocals of "Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You".   I would post a pic of Pickles here, but 1) I'm running out of good pictures to post for Idol blog references, and 2) not enough room for the above picture of Kate and the below picture of...
 
78.. Jon Thompson

One of the four guys I took with me to Walt Disney World (that trip to be ranked later), this dude cracked me up the entire time.  Example... with five guys in a single room with two beds, I had to sleep next to someone.  One of the guys slept on the floor.  And Jon had to sleep with one of them.  The one that Jon had to sleep with decided he would just sleep naked.  Naturally, Jon had a real problem with this... so much so that he leapt out of bed, and started yelling things like, " Why would you do this?  Why!  Why can't you keep your shorts on?  What the crap, dude?"
 
And, being guys, we all turned it around on him--telling him things like, "Settle down, go to bed" and "Seriously, its not a big deal."  Personally, I totally agreed with Jon--who wants to sleep next to a naked guy?  The Lovely Steph Leann doesn't even want that, and I'm her hubby! 
 
He ended up sleeping next to his "bed-mate" who agreed to wear shorts.  Later, I discovered that said bed-mate actually de-shorted during the night and re-shorted before Jon woke up.  I think I laughed for quite a while as all this was going on.
 
He kept the riot going on the way back, marveling at the luck and blessed life of one Tyler Campbell, the bro-in-law, who won a randomly won a car and gave swimming lessons for like, $70 an hour.  Jon?  He worked at a screen printing shop that, after three years, "I'm somehow making less money than when I started!  While I'm on the other side of the tracks, Tyler is over there living in the bourgeois!'.  Course, bourgeois actually means "social middle class".  Who knew.  Jon rocks.
 
77... Hank Azaria in "Night at the Museum:  Battle of the Smithsonian"

Out of all the movies I saw in 2009, I would rank this one somewhere in the middle.  It was good, but it wasn't great.  It had its moments, but like my original review, "...with this movie, you know what you are going to get... lots of historical figures making pop culture references, lots of funny action and Ben Stiller doing what he does best."
 
This movie itself doesn't make our list, but one of the two standout performances does--first, Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with.  Secondly, and more importantly (for this movie, anyway), its Hank Azaria's absolutely hysterical performances.  He "not only plays Kahmunrah to the hilt, leaving you convinced that he had a blast playing this part, but he also does the voice of the Brooklyn-accented Thinker sculpture and of Abe Lincoln, fresh out of the Lincoln Memorial."   His Kahmunrah voice is especially great, slightly feminine and non-threatening, and he makes for the best part of the movie that doesn't include a redhead. 
 
76... The Muppets Do Queen
Kermit, Miss Piggy, Beaker, Dr. Bunson Honeydew and the gang are making a comeback...
 
\
 
...and its awesome
 
75... "Hey" by Mitchell Musso
Uh... a fun song.. makes me kinda bouncy and... uh... its... um...
 
74... "High School Musical"
Um... I saw the movie off and on... we, uh, at The Happiest Place in the Mall we played... and... I really like the them song and... well... uh...
 
73... "The Hoedown Throwdown" by Miley Cyrus
Uh... its... the movie was terrible but this... I like this song and uh...
 
Boom clap, boom de clap de clap, boom boom clap, boom de clap de clap, come on y'all, boom clap boom...
 
Everybody!  Boom de clap de clap...
 
Boom boom clap?  
 
Anyone?
 
(silence)
 
(crickets)
 
Let's move on, shall we?
 
72... ESPN's "30 for 30"
The concept is brilliant, really.  To celebrate ESPN's 30th Anniversary, they brought in 30 different directors and/or directing teams from all walks of life, all lifestyles, all film styles, to direct 30 different sports documentaries on subjects near and dear to their own hearts.
 
The results thus far have been golden.  First up was "King's Ransom", a mildly entertaining film about Gretsky's trade from the Oilers to the Kings, which I never knew was such a monumental, watershed moment for both Gretsky and the NHL... Peter Berg directed.
 
What followed was "Muhammed and Larry", chronicling the fourth bout between Ali and Homes, directed by Albert Maysles... "The Legend of Jimmy the Greek", about the slow rise and quick fall of a commentator legend, directed by Fritz Mitchell... "The Band That Wouldn't Die", an awesome look at the Baltimore Colts marching band that kept playing for over a dozen years after the Colts fled for Indy, directed by famed director Barry Levinson ("Diner", "Good Morning Vietnam", "Rain Man"). 
 
The only one I really didn't like as much was "The U", directed by Billy Corben, scanning the Miami Hurricanes teams of the 80s... it showed the teams, the successes, but didn't really spend too much time into the real issues of the team's problems.  Personally, I wished it would have talked about the crash of the program, not just the rise, but alas, I didn't direct it.
 

 
The two I loved, though?  "Without Bias", directed by Kirk Fraser, about the incredible impact that the death of Len Bias had on the Boston Celtics.  Two days after the NBA Draft, Bias dropped dead of a cocaine overdose, he not only altered our perception of casual drug use and became the tipping point of America's drug crisis in the mid-80s, but he practically ruined an already floundering franchise right as it was about to find a guy who they could build around. 
 
Secondly, "Small Potatoes: Who Really Killed the USFL?", directed by Mike Tollin which showed the success of the USFL, attempting spring football, leaving the NFL in the fall--and they were doing pretty good with it... but it took a dive, due to over-expansion, bad management, and one Donald Trump who bought into the league, and wanted to immediately move it to the fall, taking on the NFL head-to-head.  After a monoply & anti-trust lawsuit against the NFL, the verdict came back in favor of the USFL... in the form of a check for $3.76.  The USFL went belly up.  The documentary is made even better by the interview with Donald Trump, who ends up walking out on Mike Tollin.
 

 
Ahead are films on the legend of Steve Bartman... speedskater Johan Olav Koss... NASCAR driver Tim Richmond and the little disease that killed his career... and even one featuring Michael Jordan's suspension from the NBA for gambl... um, I mean, his retirement for two years to try out baseball.  Oh, and Ice Cube puts his touch on a film about the Raiders.  Good times.
 
71... Read the Rules, Shankapotomus
The Lovely Steph Leann prefers the one where the buddy "flexes the golden pipes", but personally, this is my favorite commercial of the year... 
 

 
Coming up... An Idol goes Kanye... The Best Greek Film of the Year... and later, noddin' my head like yeah, movin' my hips like yeah...

A.I. in the A-T-L

FYI... when I do an Idol recap, I usually do it as I'm watching it... which means my first impressions are truly my first impressions... then I go back and add links, pics and videos.  Just know that reading this is just like my reactions as it happens!  Facebook users.. go to Clouds in My Coffee to get some real love and some pants on the ground!

Its been cold as cold can be... but guess what's making Atlanta hot? The American Idol Auditions!

THIS IS

AMERICAN IDOL!!

I have no idea where American Idol held auditions this year, but I do know that it might be likely that winners of the American Idol Experience down at Hollywood Studios would come to this particular one... here's how it works--they have three people perform on their stage during each show, all throughout the day.  The audience votes, and the winner comes back that evening to the day's finale.  The winner of THAT show gets a special golden ticket, which sends them to the front of any American Idol audition line, anytime, anywhere in the country.  I've heard that you get "Star" treatment as well, with special food, nicer waiting rooms and so on. 

I've also heard that they've had a slight problem getting good talent to perform as well... on a recent Inside the Magic podcast, someone said that the quality of winners for some days is much lower than you'd think it would be--based on who tries out.

Either way, being this is a Fox show, I'm not sure they'll do much promotion on an Disney/ABC attraction--although its good PR, I guess.

Tonight's guest host?  Mary J. Blige, one of those legendary R&B soul artists that might be legendary only because she's been around so long.  I don't own any Mary J cds.  I dont know anyone who does own any Mary J CDs.  Out of all my friends on FB, (anywhere from 909 to 912, depending on the day), I don't know anyone who calls themselves a huge Mary J. fan.  I will say, though, in 1992, she came with this song called "Real Love", off of her "What's the 411?" album, that was just awesome.  I can sing it front to back, though I still make up some of the words. 

This is not to disparage Mary J in any way... I think she's awesome.  I just don't know who else does. 

First up, Dewone Robinson, telling us all about how he would sing as a kid.  He gets on the elevator, going up to the 27th floor of the audition building.  He's going to sing one of his own songs... one he calls "Lady We're Not Together Anymore".  He tries to harmonize on his own, and do every voice in a Boyz II Men group, singing the line "...its over, its over, its over..."  Its kinda foretelling.  I like that Mary J just puts her head on the table. 

We see another guy who just didn't make it, and with his high pitched voice ended up killing three birds and a boom mic operator in the process.

Big smiles from Keia Johnson with the frizzy afro--I can dig the frizzy afro.  And she belts out some Celine Dion, loud and proud, and gets all the notes right.  Mary J is almost speechless. Randy liked the phrasing.  Kara the Hotness calls her geniune.  Simon liked her, but called it more Broadwayey than anything else.  However, Princess Keia gets the nod to Hollywood!  And the 3,882 people waiting for her at the bottom of the elevator ride celebrate with her.

Miriam Lemnouni (we have our first "The Climb" reference... but I liked her anyway), Noel Reese and Tisha Holland all wow the judges (and I dug on Tisha's bluesy style)... all three head to Hollywood.

Jermaine Sellers is 26, and is a church singer.  He's wanted this his whole entire life... and he takes care of his mother, who has Spina bifida.  He'll be singing "One of Us" by Joan Osborne... and you can tell he has that church influence behind him... rock on.  I keep waiting for the touching story that turns into a terrible audition... but not this one.  Kara the Hotness loved it, Randy the Dawg says best all day, Mary the J loved it, Simon the Brit loved it.  Jermaine is headed west.

And in the background... we hear "I Gotta Feeling" from the Black Eyed Peas.  Thought I'd hear it much earlier than this...

Every few audition shows, we have one of those over the top chicks who is borderline annoying... and can easily go over the line.  Christy Marie Agronow is doing "Love is a Battlefied" by Pat Benatar... personally, I don't think its that... I was going to say bad, but she his one of those ending lines, and I take it back.  Singing is her life, music is her passion.  The judges don't like it all, Mary J is smiling, and they send her on her way.  And she cries.  And her big, friendly personality turns into an ugly, "I will never watch this show again" personality.

Here's your montage of people who don't make it... lots of disappointed faces, shots of the elevator door closing with people smiling, and later those same people crying as the door opens. 

Straight from Baltimore, Tennessee, here's a girl who likes jumping off of bridges into the water... no, I'm not kidding at all.  No, seriously... I'm not kidding.  She and her family are jumping off of bridges.  She plays her guitar, she's wearing a dress she bought for $4 at the dollar store, she hangs out with her mom on her mom's porch on her mom's trailer.  She's like Pickles, but not nearly as cute.

She's very toothy too.  She's going to be singing some Old Crow Medicine Show... Vanessa Wolfe.  I was totally expecting one of those "great, tender story, terrible audition" but she was... unexpectedly, she was really good... I like how she sings "flowers" as "flerrs" and "hours" as "hurrs".  Simon says, "you are incredibly unprepared, but when you are good, you are good..."   Randy the Dawg says yes.  Kara the Hotness says yes.  Mary J says yes.  Simon says yes.  However, this chick (who just said, "I get to ride in an aero-plane?") is going to be fascinating to watch in Hollywood.

Though Paula is not here, I'll speak for her.  "Bubbles, butterflies, daisies, snowflakes, punkin' pie". 

Day one is over!  Day two is up!

Jesse Hamilton from... Anniston.  Yep, Anniston, Alabama.  He's almost died three times... one as a baby, one in a bullet accident, and one by almost being run over.  They show this in what they call a "cheap dramatization".   There's a difference in "tender backstory" and "openly mocking"... American Idol is doing the latter... and I love it.  Is that bad?

He sings... well, no... he attempts... well... he is about to try to attempt a Garth Brooks song.  "The River"... Mary J is laughing so hard, she buries her face into Kara the Hotness's shoulders.  Mary J and Kara turn around to compose themselves.   He can't remember the first line of "The River" (which is " you know a dream is like a river, ever changing as it flows") so Randy suggests "If Tomorrow Never Comes", which lets Jesse launch into a terrible, warbly, scratchy tune slightly resembling "If Tomorrow Never Comes", only similiar in the fact that Jesse's version and the original song have the lines "If Tomorrow Never Comes" in them. 

During the next montage of rejects, is it bad that I chuckled at the poor girl crying into her phone, "They took my dreams away..."?  Cause that was kinda funny on so many levels.

Bo Bice is in a Moe's commercial.  The Lovely Steph Leann and I were discussing this last night... if you take out Kelly Clarkson & Justin Whathisname, is there a bigger disparity between a winner and second place in American Idol?  Bo was unlucky enough to there with Carrie Underwood... not saying Bo Bice hasn't done well for himself, but really... a local Moe's commercial?  While Carrie's third album just went platinum?  Again?  Just sayin'.

If Pickles was an idiot (go with me here, okay?) she'd be the next chick, who is dressed up like a guitar.  Simon rolls his eyes.  Mary J is already laughing, and I think if we could hear what she was thinking, it would go along the lines of, "you crazy white people..."

"You Ain't Woman Enough to Take My Man" by Loretta Lynn is Holly Harden's audition song.  She's not bad, really... I kinda thought this would be a train wreck.  Kara kinda likes her and her voice.  Mary J says, "I don't get it".  (re: you crazy white people).  Kara says yes, while Mary J says no, flat out.  Simon says yes.  The whole episode, we haven't seen anything from Mary J until now.

More terrible auditions.  More wincing from Mary J, Simon, Randy and Kara.  Here's a dude singing "Reflection", making me wish The Lovely Steph Leann was here.  And here's a guy singing "Oops, I Did It Again". 

Randomly, I found the video to "Real Love", which I'd never seen until just a few minutes ago.  "oooooooh... when I met you I just knew that you would take my heart and run..."


Mallorie Haley is from South Dakota, and hey... she's got the looks, she's got the voice, and she's got the name, "Mallorie".  That's a name I don't hear enough of.  Mallorie Dollar.  Hmm?  Not sure.  Mary J calls Mallorie's performance "Dope".  Randy is wondering why Mary J took his verbage.  She heads to Hollywood.

Skii Bo Ski.  That's what he calls himself.  Skii Bo Ski.  "When I gets in that judge room, they gonna be blown away."    He's singing "Heard It Through the Gravevine", and he's dressed like a discount pimp.  Once again, I am expecting a train wreck... and again, its not bad.   Kara and Mary J are both impressed... Mary J says, "Image wise, if you can match your voice, then you will be alright". 

Skii Bo Ski says, "I'm like the dollar store... even with the dollar store, you can have everything you want in that one package, and it only costs you a dollar." In other words, he makes absolutely no sense.  I'm not sure I understood a single phrase this guy uttered the entire time he was there, other than "I heard it through the grapevine..."  Either way, much to Simon's dismay, he heads to Hollywood.

Carmen Turner, 19, and Lauren Sanders, 18, are besties.  They've been friends since they were in the 3rd grade, and the question arises--what happens if only one makes it?  They say, "That's not going to happen".  We know from the teaser commercial that one doesn't make it.  They are equally annoying...

Lauren goes first...  I like how the subtitle says, "Lauren Sanders, Baxley, GA, Age 18, College Student/BFF".  Her voice sucks.  Terrible.  And here comes Carmen... who is the complete opposite of Lauren, ie, good.  Lauren barely whispers, Carmen throws down.  I'm also dazzled by the 8 inches of blue eyeshadow on each chick. 

Randy and Kara says yes to Carmen, no to Lauren.  Mary J says the same.  Simon would have said no to both.  Carmen is through, Lauren is not.  Naturally, Carmen is crying, Lauren is smiling.  Simon says, "If its any consulation, you'll be back together soon enough."  Kinda reminds me of The Widower Danny Gokey and his buddy last year who got split up before the finals.  Cindy Jo is openly weeping right now. 

While its on commercial break, its a good time for me to mention what I'm looking forward to the most about the new season... Ford Commercials!  Yeah.  Or not.

And we're back in Atlanta, on the 2nd day of auditions, and its time for more terrible voices, this montage under the guise of "Southern Belles", one of which makes Mary J shriek--when asked if her friends tell her she's a good singer, she says, "Not really, but I won't let them discourage me."   After this, Simon passes off his mic, declares "migraine" and bugs out. 

And here comes a Tennessee police officer, about to bust out "Superstar", in Ruben's style.  Officer Bryan Walker starts, and whaddya know, its pretty good.  Heck, its really good... what a great song... "...don't you remember you told me you loved me baby, don't you remember you said you'd be coming back this way again maybe, baby baby baby oh baby, I love you, I really do..."  Even if it is about a stalker. 

Kara the Hotness digs on Officer Walker, so does Mary J and Randy, and off to Hollywood he goes.

Up next is a big Mary J fan, someone who not only thinks Mary J is an Idol, but also has slits cuts in his eyebrows.  Lamar Royal starts, and this is the best way I can write it out, by singing, "OOhh yeaH, thE MORe I coMPaRe yoU to a KisS FROM A roSe ON the Grave..."  Each time you see a capital letter as you sing that song, shout that part of the word.  Before he goes up the elevator, Lamar says he will respect whatever the judges say... so of course, when Kara the Hotness, Mary J and Randy Big Dawg say no, he not only argues, he curses, he keeps singing and he even gets told by Mary J. 

And while doing the "la la la's" of  "My Cherie Amour", he gets taken out by security.  All the way down the elevator, he not only decides that Kara the Hotness is a nobody, but he also declares that Mary J can't sing a... thing.  All the way out, followed by security, he continues his rant, throwing in a few more "la la la's" from Stevie.

Every now and again, someone comes on Idol that, despite not having a Barnett Having a Nice Meal Out chance (that means none) of winning, they still command attention.  William Hung, anyone?  There was the Chinese guy who barely spoke English that came out in the ridiculous costume, singing a song about togetherness and getting along... and now, there's this guy, General Larry Platt, singing a song called "Pants on the Ground", for people who need to pull their pants up.



Currently, I'm joining Kara, Randy and Mary J in laughing hysterically... this guy is cracking me up!  Its so ridiculously stupid and annoying and funny all at the same time... Simon tries not to be amused, but he can't help it.  At 62, General Larry is slightly over the 28 year old age limit. 

Pants on the Ground, Pants on the Ground, lookin' like a foo wid yo' pants on the ground...

From Atlanta, there were 25 to make it to Hollywood... next week, its on the way to Chicago, with guest judge Shania Twain... but for tonight, here's who stood out (besides General Larry)... Mallorie Haley... Vanessa Wolfe... and Jermaine Sellers

Idol 2010 Begins!

They all start somewhere.  You started here... well, you started somewhere, and ended up here.  Or, you stopped by here on your way to somewhere else... either way, here you are. 

Paula the Blitherer is gone.  Simon the Crank is leaving after this year.  New judge, America's Favorite Lesbian Ellen DeGeneres, starts in a few weeks.  And, here's the beginning of yet another four dozen posts, descriptions, awesome singing, Kara the Hotness, Randy the Dawg, the infamous blanket that The Lovely Steph Leann pulls over her face... are you ready?  I said... arrrreeee yooooouuuu rrreeeeaaaddddyyy!??!!?!?!?!

THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL!!!!

Here we are in Boston, MA, with the familiar music playing, the montage of former winners that now include The Lovely Steph Leann's Next American Idol Kris Allen.  Its a rainy day with the crowd of 9,000, and they are all screaming and yelling on cue, with Augustina's "Boston" playing in the background. 

Kara the Hotness, Simon the Crank and Randy the Dawg appear, and our first guest judge, Victoria Beckham, aka Posh Spice.  That would be Posh Spice of the Spice Girls.  Has any other group ever done so much with so little?  They had... well, I can name three songs, "Wannabe", "2 Become 1" and my favorite of the three, "Say You'll Be There".  But think about it... Posh, Baby, Scary, Sporty and Ginger Spice made a movie, a clothing line, countless bajillions of dollars on tour, possibly singing just those three songs... has anyone else made such a bigger splash with so little substance?  (anyone who said Obama gets a cookie.  Oh!)  And you wouldn't believe how hard it was to find a "family friendly" pic of Posh that didn't show off her... well, her God given form. 

Here comes someone who thinks she can sing because she has excelled at the Wii version of American Idol.  And sometimes girls--guys too, but its worse when girls do it--wear their jeans a little too tight, then their shirts that come up a little farther then they should... giving us... a muffin top.  Eww.

Janet McNamera busts out some "Pocket Full of Sunshine", which with those jeans doesn't look like she should be putting anything in those pockets.  That was absolutely terrible.  According to Janet, the Wii game loves her.  Then Janet points to Kara the Hotness and says, "Paula always loved me!".  Posh says, "Absolutely not."  Go Posh, no apologies!   Janet leaves, swears, swears some more, bounces over the top of her jeans and swears again.

10am in Massachusetts, the storm clouds have passed, and 16 year old Maddy, 9th of 12 kids (!), is featured in a little segment highlighting her brother with Downs.   Then the family adopts another child with Downs.  And another.  And another.  This is one of those, "I hope this kid makes it through because I will feel really bad if she doesn't make it!"  She attempts "Hallelujah".  And she's getting it done.  Randy the Dawg liked it, Kara the Hotness liked it, Posh the Spice liked it, Simon the Cowell liked it.  Looks like we got a Hollywooder!  Yay!  I liked her!   Simon says, "Amazing, you are 16 but not annoying..."  Right now, Cindy Jo, fresh off the Kris Allen/The Widower Danny Gokey Bandwagon, is crying. 

Posh Spice looks like she needs to eat a couple of sandwiches.

They do a scan of the Holding Room, where everyone sits to get in, and let's meet Pat Ford, this annoying kid who likes saying "Holla!" over and over.  He busts out some... broadway?  He's dancing like he's got "Squirrels In My Pants", and sounds like a complete idiot.  Of course, he thinks he did awesome, of course he's been singing and dancing his whole life and of course, he calls out Simon.  Randy the Dawg says, "Stop singing forever."  I second that emotion.

We see a montage of those who made it through, including Claire singing some Mr. Big, Jennifer singing some Wicked and Jess singing "A train is coming..."  ANYONE who sings Mr. Big is great in my book.  "I'm the one who wants to be with you... deep inside I hope you feel it too..."  Come on, sing it with me!

A segment on an Italian guy who's name I didn't catch... something DiRocco?  They play the Italian dance music, show lots of pasta and lots of Italian people around the table.  Amadeo DiRicco.  He's taking on Muddy Water's "Hoochie Coochie Man", which is a lot of yelling and such.  It was pretty intense, and truthfully, if he makes it Hollywood and tries out some Owl City, he's going to fail miserably.  Simon calls it his favorite audition of the day.  So, he makes it.  As he runs out, Seacrest is engulfed in the mob (pun totally intended) of New England Italianos. 

I love the fact they just started "Return to Innocense" by Enigma to show this next guy, who has obviously never met a ProActive tube of cream.  He says he's an earthly, spiritual person, and they show him sniffing flowers and blowing petals.  "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Words", by Derek Hilton.  Somewhere, Elton John just smacked his boyfriend across the face in anger.  I wish The Lovely Steph Leann were here, she would have that blanket over her face and it would be precious.  I declare this the first Blanket Over Face of the new Idol season!

And the montage of those who failed.  Lots of tears, lots of pain, lots of disappointment, while the real "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Words" plays in the background. 

Actually, describing this chick seems to be the hardest words.  Some chick who does anime, likes designing kimonos, does some sort of chi kickboxing (chiboxing?) and looks like a total flake.  Mere Doyle starts screaming, "Piece of My Heart", while Simon and Randy cringe, and Kara and Posh stare at each other.   Then she busts out the standard, "My voice coaches all tell me I'm great, singing is my life and its who I am!"  We get tears... and how she's spent 14 years training for this. 

Ah, Luke Sheffer and Benjamin Bright doing it old school... smooth voices, a little snap here and there... good stuff. 

Its almost the end of day one, and we get local musician Andrew Fenlon, who is complaining about how long he's had to wait, and how much he's been interviewed (not saying they did this, but if I'm the Idol producers, I'm making this kid wait as long as possible?  Why?  Good, good tv.  This guy is an idiot.)

Andrew Fenlon, smarts off to Simon (bad move), smarts off again to Simon (bad move again), then says he's going to sing "House of the Rising Sun", then asks Simon, "Do you know that song?"  And if he's a local musician in Boston, I'm going to remember to skip his show.  Randy sips on his Coke glass, with a grimace.  Kara asks him if he's angry, and he says he's just tired of waiting.   Kara the Hotness goes off on Andrew, who gets all defensive, rude and sulky.  "You've got bad energy," Simon says, and he says, "Aw man."  Then Posh says, "You don't have the goods to back it up."  I like her... she ain't playing.

Needless to say, he didn't make it.  "Simon and Randy liked me, but the girls got mad.  I don't know what I did."

Holy crud... its almost 1am!  I have to be at Starbucks at 5:30, so I'll be back in a few hours...

...okay, just got home.  8am, I'm sleepy, but let's finish some Idol before taking our nap!  (setting up, getting DVR ready, watching a "coming up" teaser about a guy with cancer and a dead grandmother...)

Just saw an ad for "The Lovely Bones" movie adaptation.  I'm in the middle of the book, or audiobook anyway, and I'm diggin' it, but haven't had time to finish it... same goes for the two other books I'm trying to finish... one I'm less than 120 pages from finishing, and the other I'm a good 300 pages from finishing.  I'll get there, I guess.  Perhaps with The Happiest Place in the Mall becoming The Emptiest Place in the Mall, I'll have more time. 

Back to Idol.

We see a quick shot of several prospects, discussing their training and their experience... including one guy who just stuck a knife in Seal's "Kiss From a Rose", and another guy who is wailing something that is indecipherable.  But, here comes Ashley Rodriguez. 

Ashley really wants this.  This is her dream, since she was little.  "Since I Ain't Got You" is her song, and though she's not just slaying it, she's doing it quite nicely.  She does look good, and I like her.  Simon says, "You may have It".  That's pretty good.

Tyler Grady pops up, with shattered wrists because he fell out of a tree.  He's also a drummer, though that might be on hold when your arms don't work so well.  He's got this bushy afro thing going on, and it looks like he is wearing bell bottoms.  He's singing "Let's Get It On".  See, this is where I miss Paula, because she would be saying everything she could to say "Come to my room" without actually saying "Come to my room."   I miss the bubbles and fluffy and clouds and flowers.  Anyway, Kara the Hotness and Posh the Spice love it, and Randy the Dawg and Simon the Cowell agree.  He's off to Hollywood.

17 make it the first day, let's move on to Day 2.  Randy and Simon arrive, as do Kara and Victoria Beckham, aka, Posh Spice, aka, Eat a Chocolate Bar.  I swear I've had servings of pretzels bigger than her.  Its just not attractive. 

Lisa Olivero is 24, she's a waitress and she wants to be a singer.  She's got a heavy accent, and she says she likes to sing Mariah Carey and Christina Aguliera.  She's got confidence, because she's singing "Vision of Love"... which, of course, is pre-skank Mariah.  Don't get me started on that...

Anyway, watching Posh's face while Lisa belts these notes out... let's just say this.  Anytime they spotlight someone who goes on and on about wanting to be a singer, THEN talks about how people tell her that she sounds like Mariah and X-Tina, and she believes it... you know this is going to be bad.  And it was absolutely awful. 

And there's more... here's a montage of failed attempts.  And ridiculous outfits.  And terrible conversations.  And crazy accents. 

Here comes Mike Davis, who drives a big touring speedboat named "Codzilla".  This guy should annoy the crap out of me... but I kinda like him.  "Yesterday" is his song of choice... while he's not great, he's really not bad.  Actually, he's pretty good.  Simon says yes... but Randy says no?  Kara the Hotness loves him, and I'm guessing Posh the Spice will do the same... and she does. 

Katie Stevens, 16, hails from Middlebury, Connecticut, who has a very old, very slow grandmother who only can speak Portuguese.  She's nailing "At Last" by Etta James... and I think I've found a real candidate for My Next American Idol.  Yes, its early, but its not too early to pay attention.  She was awesome.   She gets through.

Oh no... Joshua Blaylock is up.  He's 28, this is his last shot, and he's doing a decent job on "Bless the Broken Road"... but in the previews, this is the guy who tells Simon to "Shut Up".  Now we find out its staged... they told him to be more assertive, and Randy says, "Tell Simon to shut up!" which he does.  Oh, that Fox.  Teasing us so with the conflicting verbage.  And the tease us again with the cancer story and a New York girl who, "Wants this so badly, this is my dream!"

And a montage of poor people who freeze up and forget their words, and those who you wish had frozen up and forgotten their words.  There's an Asian kid trying to sing "All By Myself" that, were The Lovely Steph Leann here, she might pass out from laughing.  Maybe even throw the blanket.  The Asian kid had to have subtitles when he talked to Ryan the Seacrest.

Justin Williams was doing missions in Spain 7 years ago, and found out he had cancer.  Once again, Cindy Jo is weeping openly.  "Feelin' Good" is how he's singing.  I happen to love the original by Nina Simone, who doesn't get nearly the love that Billie Holliday and some of the classics do.  Nina rocks.

And so does Justin.  Paula would be laid face first right now at his feet... its possible that The Lovely Steph Leann would too if she were there.  Posh likes him, Kara likes him, Randy and Simon likes him.  Its like the second coming of Ace Young without the Ace Young hair.

Holy crap.  This guy.  Reminds me of Whatshername Odermayer from last year... two years ago?  Simba, remember?  Except Whatshername Odermayer with a gotee and better/worse hair.  And unfortunately, I was so caught up by this dude's appearance that I missed his name altogether, which means I had to rewind the DVR to catch his name... Norberto Guerrero.  Fitting. 

And what's great is when he screws up the song, he hops around, then tells them he's nervous and says, "Can I start over?" and Simon says, "uh... sure."  Norberto didn't make it.

Bosa Mora, a black dude with Nigerian parents is singing... George Strait.  I'm not kidding.  "You Looks So Good In Love" is classic Strait... and dude!  He's pulling it off!  I think George would be happy with it.  Simon finds him very boring, while Posh says, "I didn't find him boring a'tall".  Kara, Posh and Randy send Bosa through with a 3-1 margin.

And the end of Boston's auditions is near.  Touching stories, amazing talent, bad auditions, terrible costumes.. just like your typical Idol show. 

Leah Laurenti is the final contestant of the Boston audition.  She wants it so bad, she doesn't want to settle.  Her goal is to be a singer.  She's been singing her whole life.  Its very important to her.  She's original, I tell ya that.

Now, she's singing "Blue Skies", and I think this is one of those that The Lovely Steph Leann would gush about, saying how hard those runs are, and how her voice control is unbelievable... and I would respond, "Yeah, she's okay."  Maybe its the song, but she's just... well, she's just pretty good.  Randy loved it.  Kara loved it.  Posh Spice loved it.  Simon gives it a fourth yes-vote, and "Boston" by Augustena plays once more. 

A total of 31 make it to Hollywood... and here are the ones I liked... Katie Stevens, That 16 Year Old Maddy chick, Ashley Rodriguez and Luke Sheffer.

The 100 Coolest Things of 2009... 90 to 81

There are several videos on this post--if you reading this in Facebook, then click over to Clouds in My Coffee, so you can see everything properly. Then come back to Facebook, search Clouds in My Coffee and become a fan! We're 111 strong! Let's be 115! Yeah!

90... Dairy Queen Real Deals
Imagine my surprise when I walked into a Dairy Queen and saw a big square on the menu.  Three cubes on top, three on bottom, one on each side, and in the middle, the words, "2 for $3 or 3 for $4 or 4 for $5!".  So, for $5.40 (after tax), I can get a hot dog, a cheeseburger, a medium drink and a small sundae with anything from caramel to butterscotch (have to ask for that one) on it.  The marshmallow sundae is much better than it sounds, by the way.  I've eaten at DQ more in the last six months that I think I have in my whole life, including the year or so I worked there in 1995 at Troy's DQ. 

89... Stuff You Missed In History Class
I dig on podcasts and audiobooks.  I like listening to comedy, fiction, sports, nonfiction and... history.  There's this great little podcast from the website "How Stuff Works", which itself is a fascination podcast.  Well, "Stuff You Missed in History Class" has two hosts who essentially discuss... well, history.  In a fun way.  Usually its about stuff you dont know much about, or topics you've heard of, but don't know the whole story... some I've listened to recently include, "Why was Davy Crockett king of the wild frontier?" and "How the Berlin Wall worked" and "How the Emancipation Proclamation Worked"... now, don't ask me to remember any this stuff--I have the absorbing power of a concrete block (unless its about useless information, like what actually happened with the Montreal Screwjob), but nonetheless, its quite entertaining.

88... "Toy Story in 3-D" Double Feature
I'd been hearing about this for a long time, and thought The Lovely Steph Leann and I own both Toy Story movies, there is just something about seeing a movie on the big screen, especially a great film like both of these are. 



As far as the 3-D goes, ya know... it doesn't impress me as much.  I mean, it was good, but not unbelievable.  I sort of think that if you don't really notice the 3-D, then it might not be worth it (hence my review on "Avatar").  We saw it with family, which was fun, and its was just such a good time.  The problem came in, though, when The Lovely Steph Leann wanted popcorn and candy for the second film.  No biggie, right?  Go during the intermission... only, during the intermission, they decided they would show trivia, outtakes and other fun stuff.  So I missed a bunch of it. 

And Toy Story 3?  I'm excited.

87... Alissa & Joey's Wedding

I've known Alissa Kelly, the younger of two daughters of Pastor Calvin (Valleydale Church, an sbc fellowship), for at least 10 years, maybe more.  And I knew her before she was dating Joey, and then met Joey when they finally got together.  And then watched as they got engaged, and finally as they got married.  Perhaps I've not been really tight with either for years and years, but I felt like I've watched them both, especially Alissa, for a long time.  So, naturally, it was great watching their wedding, and it was great at their reception.  Beautiful bride, great groom, hilarious minister (Andy Murry, student pastor at Valleydale Church, an sbc fellowship) who said "Awesome" about fifty four times during the ceremony.  Congrats...

86... "The Smiley Face Commercial"
This ad just started coming on television not too long ago, and it hooked me immediately.  Its clever, its inventive, and it makes me think of driving... there is a semi-circle crack in the windshield of Toni Rocki Honda, just below my direct sight line of my driver's seat.  When I pull up behind someone, if I close one eye and cock my head just so, it makes a mouth to the brake light eyes, and it makes me happy.  Its the little things, really.



And I love the music.  Too bad its a great commercial concept for a credit card.  That's sort of like... well, I'll save the He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected potshot for later... Speaking of...

85... Joe Wilson Speaks What We Think
September 9th, 2009.  As He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected is spouting off, declaring how his amazing health care reform plan will save this nation, I watched this clip several times, and really, even though Joe Wilson (R-SC) yells "You lie!" at the 1:22 mark, he really could have yelled it at any point.  He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected is lying about "death panels" being a fabrication, about tax dollars not being used to fund abortions, about illegal immigrants not being covered under this plan and about tax dollars not being used. 



And what happens?  Wilson gets censured on the floor for "being disrespectful".  Heck, I'm glad that at least for one few shining moment, a Republican actually got passionate and stood up to He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected.  Cause in most speeches I've heard from He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected, "You Lie!" would fit.   And now you know.  And knowing is half the battle... Go Joe!

84... Paepcke Gets Told
Speaking of politics... let us turn to NBC Investigative Reporter Jon Paepcke, who is a former co-worker and a friend.  On October 28th, 2009, Birmingham's fine mayor, Larry Langford, was convicted on everything from bribery and embezzlement to tearing the "do not remove" tags off of his mattresses.  So, he does what he does best... mug for the camera.

Langford is doing a press conference about his innocense, when somewhere in there (its not in the video), Jon Paepcke actually asks Langford what he thinks this will do to Birmingham's Olympic chances in 2020.  When I saw that, I thought I was going to absolutely pass out.  Langford has been saying for years that the Olympic Games should come here--and he speaks as if this city not only has a shot, but a real shot.


(FYI... whoever loaded this video put their own commentary on screen--its the only copy of the video I could find to post, so please 'scuse)
 
So then, Langford them proceeds to go off on Paepcke, calling him a snake, the worst reporter of them all, and so on.  It was great.  I couldn't see the face of the blond reporter standing in front of Paepcke, but I can't imagine how priceless her awkward expression much be.  When he came into The Happiest Place in the Mall a few weeks ago, I ribbed him about it, and told him that video would be on this list.  He seemed proud.
 
83... "Men of a Certain Age"
I really dig this show.   And I would say the diggedness of this show is in no small part to the main three stars, Ray Romano (that "Ray" show), Scott Bakula (that "Leap" show) and Andre Braugher (that "Homicide" show), three guys I have always enjoyed in just about everything they've done.
 
Essentially, the plot is the friendship between three college friends – Joe, Owen and Terry – who are now in their late 40s/early 50s. Joe (Romano) is a slightly neurotic divorced father of two (Brittany Curran as Lucy, and Braeden Lemasters as Albert) who hoped to become a pro golfer but now owns a party store. Owen (Braugher) is an overstressed, diabetic husband and father, who is a car salesman at his dad's dealership. Terry (Bakula) is a struggling actor dating a much younger woman.



 
Ten years ago, I wouldn't have really enjoyed this show as much, mostly because I just wouldn't have understood it.  But the very first scene we see Owen in, when he's sitting up in bed, slightly overweight, looking frumpy and tired, sighing because its just another day... well, that I can identify with.   Its rated MA for language. 
 
Is it bad that I feel like in ten years, this show will be about me, my best mate Wookiee and Mikey?  With the Good Rev'rn Ty "Sharpton" Coffey tossed in?
 
82... "Paul Blart: Mall Cop"
I'll be honest, I wanted to see this film from the moment it came out.  I knew it would be bad.  I figured it would be bad.  I mean, its got Kevin James portraying... A Mall Cop.  The previews made both The Lovely Steph Leann and I laugh out loud, but they looked a little formulaic, a little cliched, and I thought, "Wow, that's going to be terrible."  And then a few weeks ago, I watched it via Netflix's Watch It Now Option.
 
...aaaaannnnndddddd........
 
I thought this movie was great, it made me laugh and was a good, shallow movie to sit back and enjoy.  I liked it because it didn't try to be anything that its not.  I liked it because Kevin James has a knack for being the guy who represents all of us kinda dorky guys who learns he only has to be his dorky self to be awesome.  I liked it because Jayma Mays, the ingenue/love interest, wasn't this unbelievable knock-out supermodel that would unrealistic to approach, she was this cute, down to earth girl that any of thinks we could at least talk to, and I liked it because the movie wasn't dirty, it didn't wallow in crude humor, it just told its story, made me laugh, then rolled the credits.  Yeah, yeah, its a little unbelievable that a group of robbers could take the mall on skateboards, but go with it...
 
...and this is unlike the other mall cop movie, "Observe & Report", with Seth Rogan, which might be one of the worst movies I've ever seen.  Here's what I said on June 5:
 
...I saw "Observe and Report" tonight at the $1 theater with Mikey. It was pretty terrible. It was a random (not in a good way) movie, it didn't go anywhere, it veered off into fifteen different directions, it wanted to be a comedy but still wanted to be taken as "smart" comedy, which it wasn't. Out of every character in that movie, including a usually reliable Seth Rogan's Ronnie, Anna Faris and several other "that guys" and B-listers, including Ray Liotta, the ONLY character in the entire movie I actually liked was that of Nell, the Cinnamon Bun stand worker, played by Collette Wolfe... otherwise, the movie was really lame...

81... The Amazing Race
This was the 15th edition of The Amazing Race, and the 11th that I'd watched.  Unlike Survivor, The Amazing Races all seem to kind of run together (ie, I couldn't name or even describe more then say, two winning teams in all 11 I've seen, excluding the last one), so it's always the contestants that make it for me.  And you're telling me that this one has two members of the Harlem Globetrotters named Flight Time & Big Easy?  Sold.
 
I would love to be on Survivor, but The Amazing Race would be awesome too, because its not so much a social game, as its a "get there as fast as you possibly can" game, which is awesome... sometimes, The Lovely Steph Leann and I will sit and watch together, usually picking out the challenges that she or I would do... though I told her that if we came to a 80 foot waterslide, one that was located in a resort, not in a tropical rain forest, and whooshed into a big pool, not a pirahna infested lake, and she refused to go down it--much like Mika did, while Canaan begged and pleaded for her to just let go of the bar--I think we'd get counseling.  It didn't help that Flight Time & Big Easy showed up, told her how scary it was and talked her out of it.  Mika & Canaan were in fact eliminated.
 
The big feud was Flight Time & Big Easy against Sam & Dan, brothers were both gay, and really, were just annoying and seriously a couple of jerks.  Naturally, though, the couple that fights and whines the most ends up winning, and thats exactly what Meghan and Cheyne (pronouced "shane", though not spelled the same for some unknown reason... perhaps they have a propencity for extra letters in their names.  Kinda like if I spelled my name "Dahyvedd".  I like it.)

Coming up...  A new "Bohemian Rhapsody"... Kate Wins... and more Pickles!  And later, could one of my friends be the next American Idol?

The 100 Coolest Things of 2009... 100 to 91

Here we go...  by the way, there are several videos on this post--if you reading this in Facebook, then click over to Clouds in My Coffee, so you can see everything properly.  Then come back to Facebook, search Clouds in My Coffee and become a fan!  We're 110 strong!  Let's be 113!  Yeah!

#100... Pixar Fulfills a Wish
Simply put, a little girl's dying wish was to see "Up".  Pixar heard the story, and they sent a representative to the little girl's house with a copy, before the movie was even released.  With her eyes unable to even open, her mom described for her what was happening--her mom, who had no idea the movie itself dealt with a death.  The rep left lots of Disney and Pixar swag, and after the movie, left with the copy.  The little girl died later that day.  And I love this story because Pixar didn't announce it, they didn't publicize it, they only did it because it was the right thing to do.  The mom told the story.  You can read the full story here... its sad... but its great that a company in today's day and age would be so kind.

#99... "Fireflies" by Owl City
I've heard its about a dream... I've heard that maybe its some sort of trippy drug reference... me?  I remember an area of Troy's golf course, an area that, when visited after dark at a certain time of the year, its just full of buzzy fireflies, too many to count.  My friends and I called it Firefly Junction.  Never slept out, there, though--the dew was too much.  Anyway, this song makes me smile, whatever its about.  MZ told me its her favorite song of the year... its not mine, but it does make the list.  Here's the sample (it will ask to open iTunes if you have it, otherwise you can hear it on the Apple page)

98... A Real Life High School Musical
Just like in the south, there are high school rivalries everywhere.  This one pitted Shorewood High against nearby Shorecrest High in a video contest up in Seattle--Mindy D'A!  Why didn't you tell me about this?!?!

The rules were simple... film a music video (lip sync, now termed a "Lip Dub"), one single take, one single shot, and involve everyone.  Shorecrest struck first, with a rendition of "Hey Ya".   You know, its pretty good... its kinda funny, with some guy in a Power Ranger costume, among other random things.  They seemed like they practiced quite a bit for it, and a bunch of high school chicks (Paging Wooderson, paging Mr. David Wooderson) shaking it like a Polaroid Picture.

Then Shorewood did theirs.  And in my mind, there is no contest.  After seeing "(500) Days of Summer", they elected to go with a video of "You Make My Dreams Come True" by Hall & Oates.   I don't know how long they practiced it, but according to the story on Obama-TV, "Shorewood responded by popping open a can of "Hall & Oates" whoop-a**".  (That's just a fun line, ain't it?)

They filmed it, then played and synced it BACKWARDS.  So the paper airplanes are flying backwards, everyone is jumping up onto their chairs backwards, people are walking forward, which means they are walking backwards in real life, the swimming team in speedos (!) is running backwards, people are singing BACKWARDS.  This is brilliant!  The lead guy spent tons of time learning the lines backwards and getting them lined up with the music.   The link to the first one is above, you can watch it, then watch the one below, and judge for yourself. 

Oh, and challenge yourself... try NOT to smile and sing along.  Its quite difficult.



Come on Samson!  Can't you challenge Geneva, or Kinston or Zion Chapel in a Lib Dub Throwdown?  Let's do it, Tigers!

And, just as I'd like to find ways to use the phrase "Read the rules, shankapotamus", I also would like to find a way to somehow "Pop open a can of 'Hall & Oates' whoop-a**" in real life.  Ah, dreams.

97... "The Hammer"
As I watched about 50 movies this year, they are abundant on this list.  And this is the first of 25 on the list, not counting actors or performances.

This was written and produced by Adam Carolla--you might remember him from "The Man Show", a show that I never really watched (any show that featured women called "Juggies" probably wasn't a show that I really should have made appointment TV), but that doesn't take away from the fact Adam is hilarious.  His podcast ranks high on this list, and I had heard about his movie, so I got it on Netflix.

Its really a simple story of a Jerry, a carpenter who was a former boxer, and was brought back into the ring to train and try and make the upcoming Olympic boxing team.  He's going up against several much younger prospects, including Robert, a rising boxing star.  He's also up against the manager, who sees Jerry as nothing more than a sparring and training partner for Robert, who he really wants in the Olympics.  There's also a small love story plot, featuring Heather Juergensen as Lindsay, though that side story is small, remains cute and doesn't distract from the overall Olympic boxing theme.

I really liked this movie... as Carolla has ranted about on his own podcast, the movie is Rated R, but for no good reason.  It's listed as "violence", but its a BOXING movie.  I think there might be one single F-bomb, maybe two, but I don't remember... other than that, its probably a movie that I'd watch with Campbell Isaiah if it came out, without much worry about bad things happening onscreen. 



Just in a sidenote, Carolla is opposite Juergensen, and in one scene, they kiss, just like many movies feature.  Well, Carolla is good friends with fellow writer Kevin Hench, who is married to Juergensen.  This would like me writing a movie with my buddy Mikey, then starring and (stage)kissing his wife Ashley.  That would be weird.  I mean, good for her and all, but weird, nonetheless.

96... Steak Tartare at the Stadium
Love this commercial, mostly because of the last three seconds, which always make me laugh



95... "Gran Torino"
This was classic Eastwood, in his grizzly, old, gnarly best.   Here's what I said on a post from May 25th...

This is a movie that really, only Clint Eastwood could star in. Clint plays Walt, a gruff, tough widower who has been living in his house forever, and isn't too happy to see the Hmong Asian family move in next door. He warms up slowly, mostly due to the persistence of Sue, the teenage girl, and her brother Thao.


The family sees trouble when a local Hmong gang pressures Thao to join them, going to the point of assault and threats. Walt gets involved, against his better judgement, and a whole lot of bad things happen before the final scene of the movie, including one that made me sigh, and thank heavens that The Lovely Steph Leann didn't see what I just saw.

Excellent film, but full of language and violence.


94... "Empire State of Mind" by Jay Z, featuring Alicia Keys
I've never been a huge Jay-Z fan, and I've never been at peace just because "a Jay-Z song was on!  a Jay-Z song was on!" in a taxi cab.  This song, however, is great and its in a large part to Alicia Keys soaring vocals... chick's got some pipes. 

Anyone who knows me knows I have a deep affection for New York City, so I really enjoyed this tune--its fairly clean, except for the language that Jay-Z usually puts in his music, and it gives nods to everything from the Knicks to the McDonalds to Tribeca to "long live the World Trade". 

You can click here to sample it (if you have iTunes, it will ask to open it, if you don't, you can hear it on the page)

93... Tracy Jones

Going to a new place to work is never easy, and having traveled the Starbucks roads for almost seven years, I've had to do it many times.  When you go to a store that is... well, not reallyclickish, but kinda that way when you get there, its even harder to break through. 

And then I got to know Tracy, who is a shift at night.  We're about the same age, with much of the same life, and work, experience.  In Starbucks, you don't find a ton of baristas over 30, so when you do, you connect with them in a way that its hard to connect with a 19 year old.  When you say "A-Team" and they say "What is that?", you know that a connection hasn't been made.

Anyway, without writing a memorium, Tracy has been great to work with this year, and I take my hat off to her for making my transition earlier this year much easier than it could have been.

92... "Blue Harvest"
Yes, yes, it took me this long to see Blue Harvest.  But it was awesome when I did.  You have to be a Family Guy fan to appreciate it, and really, it helps to be a Star Wars fan as well, but I finally downloaded it, and its absolutely hysterical...



91... The Slapchop Rap
Who doesn't want them a slapchop after watching this video?  I'll be honest with ya... you do a Broadway song to sell a Snuggie, and The Lovely Steph Leann is at Target in five minutes trying to find one.



Vince Offer, the guy in the video, is a pitchman, just like the LATE GREAT BILLY MAYS (written in all caps as a yelling honor to Mr. Mays), and has done the Slap Chop infomercial.  There's some controversy surrounding hm, as BILLY MAYS claims that the Slap Chop came after the Quick Chop, which BILLY MAYS advertised, but Vince Offer stole the marketing and the infomercial demo ideas.  Who knew there were Info-Wars?

Born as Offer Shlomi in Israel, he's got a track record of bad lawsuits and terrible police run-ins, including one where he slap chopped a prostitute and was charged with assault. 

DJ Steve Porter made a music video remix of the original Slap Chop infomercial, dubbing it "Rap Chop".  After posting it to YouTube on April 25, 2009, it quickly spread over the internet. As of September 4, 2009, it has been viewed over 5 million times through its original upload, and millions more as it was posted across other sites. It reached #13 as the all time Top Rated and #3 all time Top Rated in Comedy on YouTube.

In July 2009, in an apparent deal between Porter and Shlomi, the "Rap Chop" was made into a real infomercial that began airing nationwide. Porter's original remix included footage from the movie "House Party" and TV show "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air"... however, for the national infomercial, this footage was replaced with that of a woman break dancing and another dancer dressed in a pink bunny rabbit costume.


So there you are... you know now the story of the beauty behind the Rap Chop, making it the 91st coolest thing of 2009.

Coming up... American Express is all smiles... The battle of the mall cop movies has a clear winner... and Miley Cyrus actually have two--TWO--appearances on this list?  What?  What!?

The 100 Coolest Things of 2009... Introduction & What Didn't Make It

I ask the question again, for the fifth straight year... What makes something "cool"?  Everyone's answer is different, but for me, its one of those "you'll know it when you know it" kind of things.  For the fifth straight year, I've made my list of the 100 coolest things of the past year... music, movies, people, places, food and anything and everything I could think of. 

The list ended up being close to 200 different things... I cut many of them immediately, as they had no chance of making the list ("Watchmen" came to mind), then I made three catagories... The Coolest, Mid-Cool and Just Cool.  Then divided up the leftover 137 things I had listed into where they belonged--the top of the list, the middle of the list, the bottom of the list.  I ranked them one by one, made several moves, then had a final column of the 48 things that didn't make the list.

And, in no particular order, here are the 37 things that almost, but didn't quite, make the list... Tim Tebow... "Public Enemies"... "District 9"... "Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian"... Colleen Earnest... Phil Earnest... Ken Jeong (left, as featured in "The Hangover")... Leslie Mann... Jamie Cartledge... "2012"... Lisa Murphy... WWE: Raw... Investigative Discovery... Hulu... "Right Round" by Flo Rida... "Appaloosa"...  The trip to Dahlonega, GA... "The Pelican Brief" by John Grisham... "The Taking of Pelham 1-2-3"... "The House Bunny"... "He's Just Not That Into You"... KT Baby... "Man vs Food"... "Race to Witch Mountain"... "17 Again"...  "Terminator: Salvation"... "Confessions of a Shopaholic"... "High School Musical" Theme Song... "The Notebook"... "X-Men Origins: Wolverine"... Netflix Watch Now option... "Prep & Landing"... "A Christmas Carol"... "Sherlock Holmes"... "The Wrestler"... "Couples Retreat"... Jeffery Dean Morgan in "Watchmen"

Now I'm not going to tell you what was 101st, nor am I going to allude to what was 137th... but, starting in the next day or so, I'm going to give you, one by one, the 100 Coolest Things I found about 2009... some of them are repeats from previous years, some of it is older stuff that I discovered in 2009, and some of it is brand new things that I enjoyed this year as it presented itself to me.

Curious about what's been featured before?  Here's a quick page giving a rundown of 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2008's coolest things of those particular years...

So, sit back, relax, and check back soon for the annual year in review...

I'm Here to Tell You...

Sometimes I blog to share general info... what's going on, what's the take on the latest movie or CD I've gone through, perhaps a little anecdote of this, that or the other, and of course, American Idol and lots more pictures of Pickles. 

And then, sometimes, life happens, and it kinda catches you a little off guard.  And then, I blog to share those off-guard moments, even when, as in this instance, not only is there not a resolution, there's barely a beginning to what will be a long and strange trip.

January 5th... late in the evening, in the master bedroom of The Cabana, I leaned up against our dresser, talking to The Lovely Steph Leann, who lay in bed, propped up by a pillow, book in lap, finger holding her page to go back to the chapter when we were done discussing.  We talked about jobs, the future and what The Happiest Place in the Mall was to me.  I shared that I wanted to be careful that my job, as much as I love it, didn't become my only identity.  I wanted my identity to be found in Christ, not in what pays the bills.  I contended that doing something worthwhile is important, but it shouldn't be what defines us.  We also discussed my future there, how long I wanted to be there--a long time--and the meeting the next morning with our Magical Manager and a Higher Up.  All offices have a Higher Up.  Someone who is... well, who is Higher Up.

January 6th... My best mate Wookiee picked me up around 9 am.  We were headed out to Mobile, Alabama, for the night to take in the GMAC Bowl, where the Troy Trojans would be battling the Chippawas of Central Michigan... another blog, another day... but before that road trip commenced, we had to swing by the mall.  I was going to go into the quick meeting with Magical Manager and Higher Up, while Wookiee went off and ate 45 chicken biscuits at Chicken deFila. 

Went in, met Higher Up, introduced myself, we chatted for a little while, and joined Magical Manager in the backstage area.  Soon, we were joined by Fauna and Sarabi for an update on how awesome we were... and we were awesome.  We are awesome. 

And then, this.

"I'm here to tell you your store is closing."

What?  Say that again?

"I'm here to tell you your store is closing."

My ears didn't catch it.  Only when Magical Manager became teary eyed, Fauna had begun waterworks herself and Sarabi sat, mouth open, stunned, did I figure out what I'd just heard twice.

"I'm here to tell you your store is closing."

I leaned back, put my head back against a bin of Tinkerbell placemats and Toy Story storage containers and sighed.  This can't be happening, right?  This is the oldest Happiest Place in the Mall in all of the Happiest Place in the Mall stores.  This is a Happiest Place in the Mall that truly was such... finally, after a while of piecing it together, we had a Cast that was just fabulous, a Cast that loved each other and gelled together like no other.... Snow White, Fauna, Flora & Meriweather, Chip & Dale, Sarabi, Bo Peep, Tigerlily, Charlotta... these were people I saw some combination of every day, and in a few months, these would be people I'd never see.

"I'm here to tell you your store is closing."

There's so much to tell when it comes to this, but I can't talk about it.  Yet.  I have been given reasons, and I'm obligated not to go into those reasons.  Yet.  I can tell you this, though... its upsetting.  Its anger inducing.  Its heartbreaking.  Its just plain sad.

As I walked out of The Happiest Place in the Mall, Wookiee walked up and laughed, "Dude, did you get fired?"  I mockingly said, "Uh... not exactly..."  Once in the Wookiee Racer, I picked up the phone and called The Lovely Steph Leann.

"Hey," she answered. "What's up?"
"Are you sitting down?"
"Uh, yeah," she said, voice changing to a more grave response.  "What's wrong?"
"The store is closing."
A chuckle came from Wookiee, as he drove out of the mall parking lot and onto the flyover for the interstate.  I ignored him, because he thinks I'm kidding.
"Yep.  We close in April.  I've got severance information right here in my hands."
Silence from Wookiee now.
"You are kidding... why... why is the store closing?  I thought you guys were doing great..."
"We were. We are..." I said, then explained to her what had been explained to me.  We chatted for a few more minutes, not really saying anything but rehashing what was already spoken.  "I'll call you later when we get to Mobile."  I hung up.

"Dude," Wookiee stammered, "Sorry about that... I... uh, I thought you were kidding, which is why I laughed."
"No worries," I said, as we discussed the morning's events.

January 8th... after a busy, cold morning at Starbucks, I took a power nap then headed to The Happiest Place in the Mall.  The night before, I placed a call to Snow White and had gotten the lowdown on the bigger meeting.  All the managers had met on Wednesday morning, the regular cast had a store meeting on Wednesday night (in which I was freezing my Stanley Tucci off in a half empty football stadium), and Snow White was there.  "There wasn't a dry eye in the house," she said.  "Well, except for maybe Little John.  He was just sad."

Here are the answers to the three questions you now have for me...

First, I have a good sense on why.  I just can't share it.  The official "Yer outta there!" date is the end of April, so perhaps after that, I'll have a little more freedom to sit down and say, "Okay, here are my thoughts and theories on why I don't have my favorite job anymore."

Secondly, there a couple of stores closing, but not the whole chain.  Our 21 year old store is, however, going to be shuttering its doors.

Third, I have no idea what I'll do.  Not a clue.  Not a faint sense of any sort of somewhat of a clue.  I haven't gone on a real job hunt since 2005 when I left NBC, and even then, I ended up going full time with my part time job at Starbucks.  Heck, then I only had 30 days, and now I've got 3 to 4 months to figure it out... and yeah, Starbucks is an option on the table, but I haven't even approached the right people to find out if this is a real possibility or not--or thought enough yet to know if I want to do it again full time.

So, as it stands...

"I'm here to tell you your store is closing"

Today at work--for the first time in a long, long time, it felt like work--I walked around the stage and let it settle in my brain.  This is it.  Everything we sell is another piece closer to being finished.  Monday we put up a big sign that says, "This location will be closing", with a big smiling Mickey on it.  Can't Mickey shed a tear for us, just once?  After all, Mickey is just here to tell us our store is closing.

So, thus begins another twist that no one saw coming.  And in May, I'll go back and read this post, and every post in between that discusses what's happening at The Happiest Place in the Mall.  Hope you stay tuned.

"It's Complicated"

Our Christmas ritual is pretty set by now... because of the nature of The Happiest Place in the Mall, I work on Christmas Eve, and typically work the day after Christmas as well.  This makes it nearly impossible to travel the three hours home to Samson, so The Lovely Steph Leann and I have breakfast at The Waffle House with Big Daddy Ron, Mama Ruthless and Tyler "The Sexy Beast" Campbell. 

After breakfast, we take in a movie or two, and then we have dinner at The Purple Onion, open 24-7-365.  The first movie this go around was "It's Complicated". 

This little film tells the story of Jane (Meryl Streep, whom in my later years I am beginning to enjoy and appreciate more and more), who is divorced from Jake (Alec Baldwin, who you can take or leave politically--I choose the latter--but is just about perfect in his comedic timing), because Jake had an affair with, then married, Agness (Lake Bell, who is... uh... don't know), a young 20-something chick.

Somehow Jane ends up... sleeping with Jake.  Jane becomes "the other woman", which is bizarre for her, because, as her group of friends put it, "You had him first!".  She comically declares, "Turns out, I'm a bit of a slut..."

Thing get even more... complicated, if you will... when you toss in Adam (Steve Martin, who I so miss seeing in these types of roles), Jane's architect.  After a meeting about a new addition to Jane's home, they end up hitting it off.  Of course, Jake is mortified and jealous, even though he's married to someone else...

You see where this is going...

I had a really good time with this flick.  I didn't expect anything really heavy to chew on, and wasn't given anything of the like, only great performances with three fantastic veterans who honestly look like they are having a great time making this movie and being together.

Once again, Meryl Streep tosses her hat in the ring for consideration as "Greatest Living Actress" in a role that didn't require lots of stretching, but at the same time had to require a lot to just be real.  She wasn't playing a cold hearted executive like Miranda or having to sing like Donna, but just a real woman caught in an unusual situation.

You only need to watch "30 Rock" a few times to marvel at Alec Baldwin's presence onscreen, and Steve Martin proves how much fun he is to watch when given the right film.  Those Pink Panther movies or anything where he and Queen Latifah try to bring the house down... crap.  Total crap.  Movies like this, that put forth his age, his charm and his talent.  Perhaps he's not good enough to make any and every role his, but he's good enough to make the right ones really shine--and this was just the right one.

SIDEBAR:  Three Steve Martin films that you may not know much about, but should see immediately... "Bowfinger", one of the funniest films ever... "Roxanne", a sweet take on Cyrano de Bergerac and one of The Dave100 films... "Grand Canyon", a serious role that he takes on fully.

As much as I gush about the three obvious stars in this film, there's another who really shines and steals just about every scene he's in--John Krasinski.  You would know him as Jim from "The Office", and he plays the fiancee of Jane & Jake's daughter Lauren.  He.  Is.  Hilarious  Absolutely hysterical.  Don't know if they intended to give him all the good lines or he just took what he had and ran with it... either way, it works in a huge way.



The film is Rated R for language, though I don't remember it being bad... the director is Nancy Meyer, who did "Something's Gotta Give", "What Women Want" and one of The Lovely Steph Leann's favorite films, "The Holiday", one that I'm growing more and more fond of everytime I see it.  (Meyer also did "The Parent Trap" remake, starring Lindsay Lohan before she went off and joined Team Bats***, but that's another story)  Anyway, all that is to say, if you enjoy any or all of those first three films, you'll enjoy "Its Complicated". 

It's worth a matinee, or if you want to wait until it is available on DVD probably in the summer, check it out then. 

"Avatar"

By now, no doubt, you've heard about this movie, or you know someone who has seen it  It was projected to be this huge extravaganza of special effects, CGI and this new technology via James Cameron, who is such an influential and powerful director in Hollywood that he creates ideas for films, then shelves them until technology can handle what he wants to do... a la, this movie was begun in the mid-90s, but was put away since he wasn't ready to make it.

There are 2 aspects to this film to discuss, one being the visual, and the other being everything else... here's the visual...

First, let me just say that I don't always dig on 3-D films.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't... we saw "Bolt" in 2008 in 3-D, and though the movie was great, the 3-D did nothing for me.  The Lovely Steph Leann and I made the decision to NOT see "Up" in 3-D, if only because "Up" is full of color, its bright, its lively, and 3-D glasses tends to dim the color more than I'd like.   We saw "A Christmas Carol" in 3-D in December as well, and actually forgot it was in 3-D until the Rave Motion Picture cashier said, "$24.50" right as he swiped the card.  I looked at The Lovely Steph Leann and said, "Oh yeah, its in 3-D."  She looked back and said, "Yep, I guess so."



The movie was good, and the 3-D helped, but I could have taken it or left it.  Was it worth the extra?  I dunno, maybe.  We even saw "Toy Story 1 & 2" double feature in 3-D in November, and it was great... but 2D probably would have been just fine.

However comma

"Avatar" was the absolute best use of 3-D I've ever seen in my complete, whole, entire life.  The spectacle, the color and the use of 3-D was marvelous, the depth of the picture was unlike anything I'd ever seen.  The movie simply comes alive as the picture goes on, and while you forget you are even watching it in 3-D, somehow you know it wouldn't be the same in 2-D. 

The planet Pandora, where the majority of the movie is set, blooms and explodes with every nuance of color you can imagine.  The blues are somehow bluer, the reds are redder, the ground that lights up when the Na'vi walk somehow lights up a little more.  The sweeping shots of the sky and the flying are breathtaking.  If this entire movie was nothing but the main characters reading War & Peace aloud, yet were doing it while walking this majestic wonder that James Cameron and his CGI 3-D technology has created, it wouldn't take much to convince me it might be worth another $12.00 or so. 

The technology is so new and incredible that I even read reports that fellow directors Steven Spielberg and Peter Jackson were coming by the sets to watch and check everything out.  This is a movie that you go see, and take recognition that you are witnessing some big for the first time... like seeing "Star Wars" for the first time... or "Jurassic Park" for the first time... heck, even like seeing "Titanic" for the first time. 

Remember, there are two parts to this movie... that was the visual... now, let's get to everything else. 

The story was average.  I mean, it was a good story, it wasn't boring, a few people died that you didn't expect to die, but you kinda knew how the ending would end.  The acting is average, no one really jumps out, though I will admit that both Sam Worthington and Zoe Saldana do a stellar job all dressed in the blue of the Na'vi.

Simply put, the story is a tribe of 10 foot tall blue people named The Na'vi live on the planet Pandora.  The Earth's military (re: Americans) are there, mining a precious mineral that is worth around $20 million per gram... and naturally, The Na'vi live primarily atop the biggest deposit of this mineral, and the military need to get at it.  To infultrate and coerce The Na'vi to move, they used "Avatars", which are... well, they are... the Avatars are... okay, so like, the Earth guy goes to sleep, and there is an Avatar, which looks just like a Na'vi guy, nearby, and when the Earth guy gets hooked up to this Avatar Na'vi guy, then goes to sleep, the Avatar Na'vi guy comes to life and the Earth guy sees and feels what the Avatar Na'vi guy sees and feels for as long as the Earth guy is asleep, but when the Earth guy wakes up, or is rudely awakened, the Avatar Na'vi guy just falls and passes out, while the Earth guy wakes up unharmed.

Get it?  Got it?  Good.

So, Jake Sully, a paraplegic, arrives on Pandora, is given an Avatar and is dropped among the Na'vi to help this sadistic Marine Colonel get among the Na'vi and learn their secrets, especially the best way to destroy them.  Then this whole morality thing kicks in for Jake, he gets the hots for his fellow Na'vi named Neytiri and calamity ensues.  And when its James Cameron, its big, epic calamity.

Here's my only issue with the movie, and really, what you have to look forward to when it comes to many Hollywood films... its got a green message--don't destroy what Mother Earth as created, and on this planet, it truly is a Mother of a planet.  And its got a very obvious anti-war message... the bad, mean Americans think they can come in, take what they want, wreak havoc on everyone and anyone without a care in the world, and boom!  They gotz told.   Such is life when it comes to films of this generation.

By and large, "Avatar" is a magnificent film, if only for what your eyes will feast upon in every second.  And to see it, do it justice and see it in 3-D. Don't wait for the dollar theater or do the "I'll see it on DVD" or catch a 2D show... this is a movie you just simply need to see in 3-D to understand.  And to fully appreciate.

Just remember... ignore the anti-military stance.  It will help your enjoyment of the film.