ole miss losses, auburn wins and florida still sucks

This is a few days late from my normal round-up, but here’s what I saw from this past weekend’s college football extravaganza

FIRST… OLE MISS LOSES IN THE MOST OLE MISS WAY POSSIBLE
Their star receiver has the ball, running in the end zone with less than a minute to put Ole Miss ahead, forcing Auburn to have to score a touchdown in the remaining 20 seconds or so. It was perfect, as Auburn would suffer it’s second defeat of the season, likely being eliminated from the Football Final Four. Ole Miss would show the nation that it can rebound from an upset loss last week to an improving LSU, and even moreso, make the Egg Bowl, vs Mississippi State, later this season a monumental bout.

And yet, not only did Laquon Treadwell fumble the ball, he fumbled it as a result of his ankle being caught under a tackling Auburn player, an ankle that snapped, while his head gets clocked from the affronting tackler, and another flying Auburn guy coming in at the last second.

Auburn holds on, and are forced to subdue their celebration. It’s a brutal way to lose a game… because not only did they lose a hard fought, up-until-then excellent game against a top five opponent, a de facto elimination game, they lost it on a mistake made by a star player who was taken out of not just the game, but the season.

SECOND… AUBURN WINS IN THE MOST AUBURN WAY POSSIBLE
Like it or hate it, the Auburn Tigers roll on. They are a great team, perhaps the best team in the country… sure, they lost to Mississippi State, but if they play on a neutral field, I’d put my money on Auburn. I believe that Auburn wins out, including a win over Alabama, because they have played the most rugged schedule of anyone. And that Kansas State win, in Kansas, looks really good right about now.

They beat Ole Miss. It was a crazy ending, a heartbreaking ending, but they won the game. And move on.

THIRD… TCU WILL WIN THE BIG XII
Maybe their defense doesn’t look all that good, but they figure, heck, we’ll just score more points than you and win it that way. Texas Christian is going to win out, as the Big XII front loads their hard games. If they can get past Kansas State this weekend, and I think they will, an 11-1 Big XII Champ that scores like, 187 points per game will be hard to ignore come playoff time.

FOURTH… ARKANSAS IS THE OLD MISSISSIPPI STATE
Like, every year until this year, State was that team that was always pretty good, but not really good, and most teams like Alabama, Auburn, Georgia, LSU and the like would be favored against… but if you weren’t prepared for them, they’d beat you and ruin your season. Well, now that Hail State has moved up into the echelon of top SEC teams—for now, anyway—Arkansas has fallen into that role. They almost beat Alabama. They were a play away from beating Georgia. They lost to State by a touchdown. And in two weeks, they’ll likely lose to LSU, but will make them work for it.

FIFTH… WEST VIRGINIA IS THE MISS STATE ARKANSAS OF THE BIG XII
Like Arkansas is this year, and Hail State usually is, it’s the Mountaineers of West Virginia that cause the damage. Beating Baylor, taking TCU down to the final few minutes, they are the fly in the ointment of everyone who comes to Morgantown.

SIXTH… FLORIDA STILL SUCKS
Sure, they beat Georgia. But let’s be clear… had they beaten Alabama, there would be cause for celebration. Had the Gators knocked off Ole Miss, or Auburn, then let’s tear the goal posts down. If they beat Florida State, especially in a blowout, then heck, it’ll be insane. But… they beat Georgia. Don’t get me wrong, Georgia is a good team and all, but everyone expects Georgia to lose one, maybe two games they are supposed to win. They already lost to South Carolina (that’s one) and then to Florida (that’s two). They’ll likely lose to Auburn at home, and still back into the SEC title game.

Freakin’ Will Muschamp. He was supposed to lose and all but guarantee his dismissal by the end of the year. And now? He has an outside shot to keep his job, especially if they back into the SEC East title and the conference championship. He can’t even get fired correctly.

AND FINALLY… THE BIZARRO SEC EAST
We can all admit that at the least, the SEC West is a good division. I’ve been on message boards recently, and people are not bashing the power of the West, they are bashing ESPN’s eternal coverage of it. I can see that, but honestly, you are fooling yourself if you don’t put the West at the top in terms of “best divisions in college football”. What divisions will you put ahead of it? Exactly. Sure, you can argue for Florida State being the only thing that matters in the ACC Coastal Atlantic Leaders East or whatever division they are in (does it matter? No one cares about the ACC except for FSU, Miami, sometimes Clemson and VA Tech every third year), but the only people really defending FSU’s dominance are Florida State fans and that’s it.

The SEC West is four teams—and if you count LSU as the powerhouse spoiler, five—battling for supremacy. The SEC East? Like, what? Vandy sucks, Tennessee, though improving, won’t stop sucking til at least next year, Florida is all over the place, Kentucky continues to give you hope only to let you down after Week 6, South Carolina is nothing more than Spurrier’s hobby at the point, and that leaves Georgia and Missouri.. Mizzou has a shot at the title, but Georgia still leads the division… but Florida could still get in? It’s like, no one wants to win this division at all… which makes sense, because it’s a little like the play-in game in March Madness—hype and hoopla and celebration to win a game that puts you in another game, where you’ll be slaughtered by whatever the #1 seed is.

Either Georgia, Florida or Missouri is fighting to not be the team that loses by 27 to Alabama, Miss State or Auburn.

MY NEW TOP TEN
1. Mississippi State
2. Auburn
3. Alabama
4. TCU
5. Florida State
6. Oregon
7. Georgia
8. Ole Miss
9. Arizona State
10. Michigan State

MY FOOTBALL FINAL FOUR RIGHT NOW
1) Mississippi State… 2) Florida State… 3) Auburn… 4) TCU

good bo or bad bo: saturday's football

As I've done in the last few weeks, here's my take on what happened today in the world of college football... as I type, there is about 6 minutes left in the USC/Utah battle, with USC leading 21-17, with the Trojans deep in their own territory. Here's the day:

First... Good Bo and Bad Bo Is Not a Good Thing, Its a Bad Thing

Ole Miss quarterback Bo Wallace is a great player. The problem is, everyone asks themselves before Ole Miss plays, "Will we get 'Good Bo' or 'Bad Bo' tonight?" Folks, that's a problem. If your quarterback is unreliable enough that you actually have nicknames for your playing levels, that's not good. Apparently, it was Bad Bo tonight... Ole Miss went into Death Valley to play LSU, and the carriage turned into a pumpkin for the Rebels dream season... 17-10, in a defense struggle, Ole Miss leaves with their first loss of the season.

Not only that, but the last :15 seconds were just bizarre... with :09 left on the clock, Les Miles calls a timeout to "ice" instead of sending their guy in a field goal attempt--and yes, because of a stupid penalty, at 47 yards it was right on the edge of their kicker's abilities--coach Hugh Freeze does this trickeration where Bo tosses a quick pass which was.... intercepted./

Not only did the timeout actually ice the coach, that's a lesson Freeze learned the hard way... it's very hard to out Les Miles Les Miles.

Update... 17 seconds left, Utah has the ball at the 1/2 yard line

Second... Auburn's Defense Just Showed Up to the Game... Two Hours After It Finished
What defense? Auburn scored 42 but gave up 35, in a game that was closer than that. The South Carolina Fightin' Spurriers nearly had their way with Auburn, but did what Spurrier usually does... they somehow found a way to lose. So an Ole Miss loss and an Auburn win sets up...

Third... A One Game Playoff
I love this four team playoff system. Love it. Love it. LOVE it. When there were two teams only, according to the BCS, many of the games we are watching are moot--I mean, they are important, but one loss really just knocks you out. With Florida State playing Bessemer Tech at home and then the Colorado School of Mines later, they'll be undefeated, meaning everyone would playing to get that one single spot against FSU... so there would be about three teams with a legit shot.

Update... Utah just scored, 8 seconds left, will be 24-21 after the PAT is made.

Now? Like, at least a dozen teams have a shot at the four spots... Florida State, Alabama, Mississippi State, Auburn, Ole Miss, Ohio State, Michigan State, Baylor, TCU, Notre Dame, Georgia... they win out, they have a legit shot at the Football Final Four.

And next week... Auburn playing at Ole Miss. Both have one single loss to a ranked opponent. 

Update... Utah wins the game, 24-21, their first win over USC, and now become bowl eligible for the first time since 2011.

The loser of the Auburn/Mississippi game is likely out of the mix of the Football Final Four. Oh, there's a chance that the loser may make it with 2 losses, but not likely. That loser will still probably make a New Year's Six bowl game, but not the playoffs.

Fourth... The B1G's One Game Playoff
Michigan State, who's one loss came to the Oregon Ducks, which is still a pretty good team, plays Ohio State, who's one loss came at home to Virginia Tech, which is not a very good team... I think Michigan State is a great team who has rebounded nicely from their loss, pimp slapping the Meeeeechigan Wolverines today. I think Ohio State is still a paper tiger... if they beat Michigan State, I think the B1G gets left out of the Football Final Four. If Michigan State beats OSU, I think they have a shot at it.

Fifth... TCU Scores. And Scores. And Scores. And Scores. And Scores. And Scores. And Scores. And Scores.
Texas Christian absolutely steamrolled Texas Tech, dropping 82 on the Red Raiders. And Kansas State shuts out Texas. And West Virginia knocks off Oklahoma State. The Big XII is so up in the air, it's crazy... and what's crazier is that we are discussing TCU, Kansas State, West Virginia AND Baylor, and NOT Oklahoma and Texas for conference supremacy. 

Personally, I would love a 4 or 5 way tie for the championship, though I don't like that the ultimate tiebreaker is to let the 12 person Football Playoff Committee decide. I think the ADs of the conference should do that job... but either way, the Big XII is almost as exciting now as the SEC West. Almost.

Sixth... Georgia Could Still Win the Whole Thing
With all the talk of the SEC West, people are forgetting that Georgia is sitting over there at 6-1, with nearly guaranteed wins over Florida, Kentucky and Chuck-Southern to come. Auburn will be their only real test, but even if the Dawgs lose, they go into the SEC Title game at 10-2, and if they win, I don't know that anyone else from the SEC will go in. And Georgia could beat Florida State. Most of the top five could, really.

Seventh... Dumpster Fires Everywhere
Florida. Texas. Michigan. In flames. Three storied programs, three programs that just.. well, suck. Michigan can't do anything with Brady Hoke... Florida can't do anything with Will Muschamp... and though Texas is on the right track with Charlie Strong, it may take a season or two to right the ship. And I would imagine that the pressure in Austin is similar to that you'd find in Tuscaloosa--we need to win, and win very, very soon.

My Football Final Four Right Now... 1. Mississippi State... 2. Florida State... 3. TCU... 4. Alabama

My Top Ten
1-Mississippi State
2-Alabama
3-Auburn
4-Florida State
5-Oregon
6-Georgia
7-Ole Miss
8-Notre Dame
9-TCU
10-Michigan State

college weekend roundup

So, here I am, for the third week in a row, giving my recap for the college football Saturday that was. Not nearly as much chaos as when the college world exploded a few weeks ago, but a few upsets that give a few observations as usual...

First... Oklahoma. They Were Who We Thought They Were
That Boomer Sooner wagon that comes rolling out and around the field was essentially driven into the ditch and left for dead. Kansas State came into Norman, Oklahoma, and left with another victory over the Sooners. Pat Forde said something to the effect of "Stop me if you've heard this before... Oklahoma enters the season highly ranked and looks like they will make a run at the title, only to slowly play their way out of contention." 

And to that I say, "Oklahoma... ready to play a better, yet uninspired SEC team in the Cotton Bowl on New Year's Day." 

You could easily make the argument that Oklahoma lost the game, rather than K-State winning it, because the kicker (YOU HAD ONE JOB!) shanked a 19 yard field goal at the end, but my reply to such an argument has always been--the game should never come down to a missed field goal... your offense shouldn't put the kicker in that position.

Second... Auburn's Win over K-State Looks Really Good Right Now
Oklahoma's failings aside, Kansas State is a pretty good ball club. When Auburn went into K-State's home field and eked out a victory, and it was derided as "struggling to beat a mediocre ball club" (something Florida State has done several times this year). And now Kansas State has beaten the Sooners, are 5-1, are strong contenders for the Big XII title, and suddenly have an outside shot of making the Football Final Four.

Third... The Pac 12 This Year is What Everyone Thought the SEC Would Be
It's true. All we heard was how the SEC is down, missing key players and quarterbacks, and will likely have 2 losses per team, and might struggle to even make the Football Final Four. Well, the Pac 12 is exactly that. They are completely cannibalizing each other, the latest being Arizona State beating Stanford a few minutes ago. The SEC has four really great teams, one or two really good teams, and then the rest. The Pac 12 has no really great teams, but a bunch of really good teams that are just beating each other. 

Fourth... Muschamp? Like, MusCHUMP
Will Muschamp will soon enter the Hall of Shame alongside Ron Zook as a Florida coach who just couldn't get it done. Missouri went into the Swamp in Gainesville, and did what so many other teams are doing now... beat Florida. Handily. Like 42-13. There is a stat that tells you all you need to know... teams that hold the other team to less than 140 total yards (maybe its 120, maybe its rushing yards, but you see what I'm saying) are something like, 142-2 lifetime. The two losses? Will Muschamp's Gators. Not sure if he'll make it until Monday.

Fifth... Hawaii Loses
The final college football game of the day is San Diego State and Hawaii, in San Diego. With only a few seconds left in the game, San Diego State will beat Hawaii 20-10. The announcers just said that it's 16 straight road losses for Hawaii, and then he called them "the Rainbow Warriors". Didn't know that was still a thing. Also, this is the fourth straight week that I've stayed up to see the last play of the final game of the day. I like this trend..

Sixth... No Matter What, Jameis Winston Is a Great Player
For all the crap I give Florida State, and for all the opinions I share with many that Winston should be benched because he's got this hearing over his head, no one can deny that he is an amazing football player. Watching him work, watching him fire down the field and lead Florida State to get the go-ahead touchdown, it's pretty impressive. He's just a punk. And that's the problem.

That being said...

Seventh... Notre Dame Was the Better Team
The Irish won the game. It was a questionable holding call at the end, one that I really can't argue, but could have been called either way. Don't know his name, but the dude who held the FSU defender in the end zone, which resulted in offensive pass interference, which resulted in the touchdown with about :13 seconds left to be called back... that dude cost the Irish a shot at the national title... if the Irish win this game, they are likely to go undefeated again. However, it's what I said earlier about Oklahoma's kicker, and the same goes for the Irish--your team shouldn't be in that position anyway. 

The Seminoles will definitely go undefeated, because they just don't play anyone the rest of the year. For all the talk about the B1G being a crap conference, the ACC is pretty terrible.

Finally... Alabama Just Scored
They literally could have dropped 83 points on Texas A&M... nothing, and I mean nothing went right for the Aggies today. No defense, hostile environment and they just got outplayed in every way. And don't we remember in Week One, when they dominated South Carolina, how Kenny Hill was now on track for the Heisman, and how A&M was likely to be a Final Four Team? I'll brag and say I was one of the few people on social media that was like "yeah, let's just wait a few weeks to see what happens..."

It's notable that this time last year, Auburn was 24th in the rankings... and went on to win the SEC and come a few seconds from winning the national title... and Michigan State was unranked... and went on to a Top Five finish, a B1G title and a Rose Bowl win. 

So again, we don't know jack.

My Football Final Four this week...

The Can Happen Edition: (1) Mississippi State... (2) Auburn... (3) Florida State... (4) TCU
The Should-Happen Edition: (1) Mississippi State... (2) Auburn... (3) Alabama... (4) Florida State...

And my top ten
1-Mississippi State
2-Ole Miss
3-Auburn
4-Florida State
5-Alabama
6-TCU
7-Oregon
8-Georgia
9-Kansas State
10-Notre Dame

another big college day

In an effort to write something, anything, last Saturday night, I did my own little opinion piece on where we were after one of the most topsy turvy days we've had in college football in a long, long time.

So, since it's Saturday night still, and despite what the date says on this post, this was begun on October 11th, with seven minutes left in the day.

Last weekend, I harkened that we don't know jack. I still think that, but we do know a little more than we did. Observations:

First... State is King
Mississippi State is the best team in the country. They put a whoopin' on what I was considering the best team in the country, Auburn, and even though they won 38-23, it wasn't that close. State just tore up the Tigers in every way, storming out to a 21-0 lead, then holding on, answering Auburn every time they tried to mount a comeback. 

Second... I Was Wrong
Last week I said that Miss State was good, Ole Miss was lucky... well, I was wrong. Ole Miss is good. They beat up on Texas A&M, in College Station, in another game that wasn't close. I think State is still better, and Ole Miss has looked very good against two teams that are reeling (A&M this week, Alabama last week), while State has defeated three teams that, at the time, were nearly at the top of their game--LSU, A&M and Auburn.

Third... Defense? Defense, anyone?
Baylor and TCU are insane. Texas Christian was up by 24, and yet Baylor come back and win. However, as someone on Facebook put it, any team that gives up 58 points and still wins doesn't deserve to be ranked very high... true, but what a game anyway. 

Fourth... Florida State Does Their Thing
I didn't see a second of the Florida State/Syracuse game, except for what was featured in a few highlights... FSU is FSU. They look great against mediocre teams. They are the cream of the ACC, but would be probably 4th or 5th in the SEC West... maybe 2nd or 3rd in the Pac 12... and maybe 2nd or 3rd in the Big XII. But playing in the ACC, they are going to run the table. I think they'll beat a decent Notre Dame team next week and beat their chests about how good they are.

Sidebar... I started to write a paragraph about why Jameis Winston should be benched until his legal issues are resolved, but after four paragraphs, I decided that would be tomorrow's post. So look for that.

Fifth... Zona Too High
Watching Arizona and USC... I was dubious when Arizona went from like, unranked, to 10th, because they beat Oregon... and they are now looking like they aren't a Top 10 team.  Cause 60 seconds ago, they lost to USC 28-26 on the feet of three missed field goals. So there's that.

Sixth... Alabama is in Trouble
They play sloppy, the offense is a shell of what it was, and the defense is really the only thing keeping them going... but the mystique is gone. Alabama is no longer, at least for this season, the unbeatable powerhouse they once were. I think they'll end up with three losses this season... having already lost to Ole Miss, I see them losing to Mississippi State and Auburn, for a 9-3 year in which the Tide Nation loses its mind, called for Lane Kiffen's head and a small part of them start questioning if Saban can get it done anymore. Hashtag HAAAYPAAWWWLLLL... Finebaum on Monday should be a hoot.

Seventh... Sooners and Dawgs
Oklahoma and Georgia both looked good. Oklahoma let Texas hang around far too long, but because it's a rivalry game, I kinda let that go. Boomer Sooner kept Texas down, leaving them at 2-4 for the first time since 1956. Georgia, in losing Todd Gurley for his stupid suspension, just obliterated Missouri on the road, 34-0. They dominated that game in every possible way. 

Eighth... Sparty and the Ducks Again
Michigan State won their game as needed, Oregon smashed UCLA in the mouth, and only Oregon has a shot at the Football Final Four. Cause Michigan State shouldn't have given up that many points to Purdue, winning 45-31.

Finally, The Gators Are Just Awfule
LSU came into Gainesville, into The Swamp, a place where it used to be hard to win for the road team, a place that was loud and obnoxious and boisterous and now, LSU comes in and handles Florida. I watched the last part of that game in disbelief as screwed up here, screwed up there, and dropped a game winning pass into the end zone that, no joke, I could have caught. They are terrible. Will Muschamp is as good as gone.

My new top ten...
1) Mississippi State, 6-0
2) Ole Miss, 6-0
3) Florida State, 6-0
4) Baylor, 6-0
5) Notre Dame, 6-0
6) Auburn, 5-1
7) Georgia, 5-1
8) Oregon, 5-1
9) Alabama, 5-1
10) Oklahoma, 5-1

My Football Final Four this week... 1) Mississippi State... 2) Florida State... 3) Baylor... 4) Oregon or Ole Miss... though if the Pac 12 champ as 2 losses, they won't get in over a 1 loss SEC team...


Read "Why FSU Should Bench Jameis Winston"

we don't know jack

Once again, I revel in the fact that I can spend most Saturdays watching college football all day, and today was one of those special days when the whole College Football World went to Hell and back.

Skies turning to blood, the rivers running red, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!

I watched as the 12th ranked Mississippi State Bulldogs ran roughshod all over #6 Texas A&M Aggies, then as #11 Ole Miss somehow, someway knocked off #3 Alabama, which was followed by the 5th ranked Auburn Tigers throttling the 15th ranked LSU Tigers, in a game that wasn't as close as the 41-7 score may seem. 

25th ranked TCU edged out 4th ranked Oklahoma, then unranked Kentucky came storming back to tie South Carolina, then let them blow the Wildcats out, then came storming back again to win the game.

In a Hail Mary last second pass to the end zone, Arizona State beat the 16th ranked USC Trojans--a few days after their state-counterpart Arizona knocked off the #2 team, Oregon.

And now, I just finished watching the 10th ranked Michigan State Spartans hold off a furious 4th quarter rally by the 19th ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers, a rally that saw the Huskers score three touchdowns in 10 minutes, and were it not for the interception thrown in the last 30 seconds, would have had a real shot of beating Sparty.

This is why I love college football... so here are my observations, before the new rankings come out, before Utah and #8 UCLA finish their game, where Utah is up by 10 in the 3rd quarter.

First... We Don't Know Anything
We thought we knew that Florida State, Oregon and Alabama were in the Football Final Four, and that fourth spot would either go to either another SEC team like Texas A&M or even Auburn, or probably Oklahoma would win the Big XII and take it. 

But now? Florida State struggles to beat EVERYONE... sure, they blew out Wake Forest today, but they started slow, Jameis Winston had a rough first few possessions, and FSU has been lucky to play against teams that would let them catch back up and win. And they play in the ACC, which might as bad as the Big Ten. 

And now, Oklahoma, Alabama and Oregon all have a loss. It's not the end of the world for either, as if any of them win out, they'll likely find themselves in a position to win their conferences anyway. But it got a lot tougher.

Second... Ole Miss is LUCKY and Mississippi State is GOOD
We watched the Ole Miss/Alabama game, and it reminded me of the FSU/Clemson game, where the Noles gave the Clemson Tigers every chance in the world to win, and Clemson refused to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. Today, Ole Miss took that victory, as Alabama played... well, like crap. Ole Miss wasn't much better, as they dropped passes, missed opportunities and could have scored twice... but Bama played a game full of penalties and stupid mistakes. Alabama is a better team, but Ole Miss snagged the win.

Mississippi State, however, is solid. Perhaps it's that A&M is also not as good as we thought, and QB Kenny Hill isn't as Heismany as we thought, but State controlled that game from start to finish. They had their way with the Aggies like it was a prison shower... it was ridiculous. 

Third... Gary & Verne are Crazy
CBS longtime college commentators Verne Lundquist and Gary Danielson are perhaps the most annoying announcers on the television today. If you watch college football, specifically the SEC coverage, you'll know this, so no need to dwell.

However, here's what I didn't like... CBS uses the Coaches Poll for their rankings, perhaps one of the only places that does. This is a big deal because in the Coaches Poll and AP Poll (the more used), Ole Miss is ranked 11th... but Alabama is 3rd in the AP and 1st in the Coaches. So, when Gary and Verne talk about how long it's been since Ole Miss beat a #1 team, it's just false. Perhaps having Alabama ranked 1st makes for a better story than if they were ranked 3rd. 

Fourth... Florida is Still Terrible
My team, the Florida Gators, are now 3-1 after getting by Tennessee 10-9 today. The Gators also had to take multiple overtimes to get past Kentucky, who isn't as bad as we thought (we'll get to that next), and needed a miracle to beat the better-than-last-year-but-still-not-good Volunteers team.. after Gators QB Jeff Driskol was finally benched. We'll find out next week what the Gators will do, when LSU comes to town, but right now, I think Florida is the worst 3-1 team in the country not in the Big Ten.

Fifth... Kentucky Can Win the SEC East
They won't. But who thought they'd even be in contention in October? 

Sixth... The Big Ten is a Cluster Muffin
Thru the first three quarters, as I flipped back and saw snippets of Michigan State's beatdown on Nebraska, I thought to myself "The Spartans might actually be the shining star of the Big Ten Conference... like FSU, they may be the one team a cut above the rest, and could make the Football Final Four". Then, Nebraska roared back in the 4th quarter and nearly beat the Spartans, all because Michigan State just fell apart and couldn't close. And then I remembered why no team from the Big Ten will make the Football Final Four.

Seventh... In a Sick Joke of the Football Gods, Alabama Needs to Root For Auburn
Here's how Alabama makes it back to the SEC Championship game... Auburn needs to win out (including beating Mississippi State and Ole Miss) and Alabama needs to win the rest of their games (including beating State). At some point, they have to hope Ole Miss will lose another along the way.

The Iron Bowl needs to be what it was last year--winner goes to the SEC Title Game. And to impress voters, it would serve the Crimson Tide well to be 11-1, taking on a 12-0 Auburn team, and to beat them. Let's say Alabama loses the SEC Title game to Georgia... there is still a chance Alabama can get that 4th spot in the Football Final Four, if they have beaten a team like 12-0 Auburn. Sure, it would make Alabama happy to play a 9-3 Auburn team, but they'd have to win the SEC outright to get a shot. Make sense?

Georgia is a solid team... but I think Auburn, Mississippi State and even Alabama could beat them, especially if they contained Todd Gurley.

By the way, I think this loss for Alabama might not be a bad thing... it's relatively early in the season, and it makes me think of the New England Patriots in '07 ('08?) who had run to 15-0, taking on the NYGiants in the last week of the season. They struggled to beat the Giants, rolled thru the playoffs, then lost a close one due to mistakes and sloppy play in the Super Bowl... to the NYGiants. 

I have always contended that had the Pats lost the last game, gone 15-1, they would have won the Super Bowl. The "undefeated" would have been off their shoulders, and they would have realized they were not invincible. Bama is similar... they realize now that they are not invincible, that their sloppy play finally caught up to them, and now that "we are the best" is off their shoulders... playing catch up might not be a bad thing for the Tide.

Eighth... We Still Don't Know ANYTHING
It's college football. Next week, Baylor, who is leading the Big XII and looking strong, takes on TCU, who beat Oklahoma today. Baylor hasn't really played anyone of substance, so this game is huge. So suddenly, TCU has to play explosive Baylor, and later Oklahoma State and then Kansas State... Baylor has OK State and K-State too. So if TCU or Baylor comes out undefeated, they are in. But if Baylor beats TCU, then loses to Oklahoma big, Kansas State is like "What about us?" 

If Auburn rolls up to Mississippi State, gets blown out, then beats up on Ole Miss, who then turn around and beats Mississippi State in the Egg Bowl, Alabama is like "Hey, we are still here!"

Florida State will likely lose one. They are playing too loose and clumsy. What happens then?

Utah is beating UCLA right now, which was the unbeaten left in the Pac 12... and they still have to play Oregon. So like, what happens? 

We don't know jack. 

That's why I love college football.


(My current prediction for the Football Final Four is 1-Auburn, 2-UCLA, 3-Baylor and... crap, I dunno... 4-Mississippi State)

ole miss is racist

Report out this week that a few members of the facility of the University of Mississippi are offended now by the term "Ole Miss", which is how the school is commonly referred too.  See, back in the slavery days of the 1800s, slaves were required to call the daughters and wife of the plantation owner not just "miss", but "Ole Miss".  The name evokes pain and suffering to all of those who have slavery roots.


Let me go on record and say that while I know more white people than I do black people, I don't know anyone who has any living relatives that are slaves.


But Ole Miss is a racist name, and we should change it immediately!!!!  People (a few) are offended by this!  It's bad enough that "Running Rebels" is a symbolic gesture of the South in the Confederacy, but to use the words "Ole Miss" with it??? 


Change it, and change it now, before anyone else is offended by this gesture.


Then I got to thinking about more college football teams... THE WHOLE SEC IS RACIST, RACIST, I TELL YOU....


Want proof?   Here...


"War Eagle", the battle cry of the Auburn Tigers?  I mean "War", really?  Glorifying combat and conflict?  That is the opposite of peace.  I'm offended.


"Roll Tide"?  Their mascot is an elephant, which hail from two places... Africa and India.  To invoke the proud elephant into such a violent game is it insinuate that people from those lands want war and love fighting.  I'm offended on their behalf.


The Florida Gators?  The Gator is hunted and killed for their skins and meat, senselessly.  To envoke such a game onto this proud animal is to enjoy the killing of such.  I'm offended on the behalf of animal rights activists


The Vanderbilt Commodores?  The Commodores were a great 70s funk band, led by Lionel Ritchie.  Unfortunately, Vanderbilt is known for a losing tradition... which means, the Commodores are losers.  I'm offended on behalf of any Lionel Ritchie fans and Commodores fans.  Easy indeed.


The LSU Tigers?  Their battle cry is "Geaux Tigers", which hails from a French background.  Using France's name in such a derogatory manner to promote your violent game is to recall another violent battle... the French and Indian war.  Now, I'm offended on behalf of two proud peoples.


The South Carolina Gamecocks?  Did you know a "gamecock" is a chicken?  That's meat, people.  You don't eat meat!  It's cruel!  I'm offended on behalf of all vegans.


The Texas A&M Aggies?  Aggies.  Put an "F" in the front of that, and now you have a horrible gay slur.  I mean, I wouldn't do that, but someone might, and let's be honest, we cannot take that chance.  I'm offended on behalf of the gay community.


The Missouri Tigers?  The Tigers are an endangered species, hunted and killed for their skins and coats.  This use of their animal name is nothing but a promotion of illegal game hunting and poaching.  I'm offended on behalf of all animal lovers.


The Kentucky Wildcats?  The word "cat" is used by the African American community, especially in the 70s, to describe another person.  To take this name, then put a "wild" in front of it, is to assume that because you are of a certain color, you are a wild person.  Like in Africa.  This is an egregious use of this word, and I'm not going to stand for it.  I'm totally offended on behalf of anyone of any color called "cat", ever.


The Tennessee Volunteers?  To "volunteer" means to not get paid.  You know, like not getting paid as much as a man does, if you are a woman?  You know, the gender equality in this country?  Why not just called them the Tennessee Unequally Paid but Harder Working Females?  Because its the white man that makes these names up.  I'm offended on behalf of all women.


The Mississippi State Bulldogs?  The Georgia Bulldogs?  You know what they use in riots to quell the protesters?  Tear gas and dogs.  If I was at Kent State, when all those people were massacred, every time I hear the word "dog", it would bring back painful memories of almost being bitten.  Not sure anyone was bitten during that event, but if they were, my memories would be more painful.  I'm offended on behalf of anyone who's ever been bitten by an animal, bulldog or otherwise.


The Arkansas Razorbacks?  Do you know what a Razorback is?  It's a hog.  Or a pig.  Another animal we brutally slaughter for meat purposes.  An animal that produces things like ham and pork, meats that can be horrible for your system to eat.  Meats that when eaten in excess, can give you blocked arteries, heart attacks, diabetes!  Meaning that every time someone yells "Hog Sooey!", if you have ever had a heart attack, blocked arteries or diabetes, you need to be offended.  No worries. I'm offended for you.


See?  Even the words "Southeastern Conference" is offensive.  "Conference", meaning a meeting, where we can sit around with our bosses and realize how much money someone else is making, and how much money we are NOT making, even though we do most of the work (especially if you are a woman...) and "Southeast"... well, I cannot even describe for you the racial overtones this has, except for three words "Hub of Slavery".

We should get rid of all mascots, because someone might be offended by them.  We cannot call them by their city names, because the people in poor Starkville do not need to be reminded how good people in the wealthier areas of Knoxville might have it.  And we cannot assign them colors, because red (Indian), yellow (Asian), black (Black), white (White), brown (Mexican), purple (sick people), blue (cold people--stupid global warming) will all be offensive.


We need to abolish football completely.  Then, and only then will we have an offense-free society.  Then and only then can we turn on ESPN and not be totally taken aback by the egregious racism that runs rampant through our sport.


or...


...we could be offended by the fact that children are being beheaded in Iraq because they might come from a "Christian" family.  I've seen the pictures.  That offends me.   Just a thought.

the alabama dynasty

Did you watch the game?  Oh you know what game... Alabama's complete destruction of the Notre Dame Fightin' Irish.  I knew it was coming.  I knew that it would be a blowout.  Honestly, I think most Alabama fans knew it, but were afraid to say because of the sports superstitions that dictate saying such predictions jinxes and thereby ruins a win. 



A familiar sight for most of the evening.  Bama celebrating,
Notre Dame looking on, out of breath

But I knew it was coming.  Notre Dame is a team that took 3 overtimes to beat Pitt, who ended up losing to Ole Miss in the BBVA Compass Bowl.  Notre Dame is a good team, even with a sketch schedule, and it takes a lot to go 12-0.  So I give the Fightin' Irish props... but they are about the 6th best team in the SEC.  Alabama, Georgia, LSU, Florida and South Carolina were all better teams, with Mississippi State likely to give them a game.  It wasn't that Notre Dame didn't show up... they showed up.  They just got steamrolled. 

And frankly, I'm surprised the game was a close as it was

I'm a Florida fan.  I'm a Florida Gators fan surrounded by a wave of Alabama fans.  The Lovely Steph Leann is an Alabama graduate.  Her dad is.  Her mom roots for the Tide.  Her sister and brother, and the brother's wife are Alabama graduates.  The Crimson is everywhere, and unfortunately for Campbell Isaiah, he doesn't have a chance.

I graduated from Troy State University, so she has allowed the opportunity to have Campbell become a Troy fan... but using faulty rationale, because I did not go to the University of Florida, I therefore am faulty in rooting for them, and Campbell can therefore not be allowed to do the Gator Chomp at any time. 

(using this rationale eliminated the fandom of 87% of Alabama fans in this state, but that's beside the point... I do contend, however, that he will end up rooting for whoever he wants to.  I say that I get one to turn into a fan, and she gets the next one... The Lovely Steph Leann has claimed Campbell, so it looks like Lorelei Addison will be wearing a Troy Cheerleader outfit while doing the Gator Chomp.  Its only fair.)

The preceding paragraph was the set up to what I want to say, but making sure that you are aware I am not an Alabama fan, or a "Bammer" as the Harvey Updykes of the world are called, but am looking at this as a college football fan...

Here's my thought...

We are in the middle of, and thus bearing witness to, one of the greatest football sports dynasties in all of history. 

And I don't feel bad about saying it.  The Florida Gators winning two titles in three years wasn't a dynasty, they were just a really good football team with a really good quarterback.. TEEEBOOWW!!!!!   Remember, the year in between their titles, they were something like 8-5 or so...

The Alabama Crimson Tide has won 3 BCS Championships in four years.  The state of Alabama has held the BCS title for four years in a row, with Auburn's title coming after Alabama's first (for this run) and before their back-to-backs.

Consider this... in the last five seasons Nick Saban has been at the helm (his first season, there were wins vacated due to earlier infractions, so they only have a 2-6 record that counts), the team has gone 61-7.  That's 61 victories, 7 losses... and 5 of those are in two separate seasons (2 in 2008, 3 in 2010). Beyond that, they have a loss to LSU and one to Texas A&M, earlier this year.

This team is a monster.  And its not that they are good for a season or two (Auburn?), or are good enough to win a title, reload, then contend again (Florida?  LSU?), or are good enough to be good, but not enough to be great (Georgia?), they are good, and great, every year.  Every single year.

Roommates and buddies, center Barrett Jones and QB AJ McCarron had
a disagreement.  It made for one of the only real competitions of the night.
In fact the only time AJ was touched was when his own center gave him
a shove. 

Center Barrett Jones has more championship rings (3) than the Auburn Tigers have as a team (2).  Quarterback AJ McCarron has more championship rings (3) than he does losses as a starting quarterback (2--LSU and A&M).

And when I say "we are the middle of...", I mean it.  When Tim Tebow left Florida in 2009, we knew Florida would take a year or two to rebound.  Urban Meyer up and left, there has been QB after QB who have struggled over and over, and while coach Will Muschamp has them on the right road--a few bounces here and there from Notre Dame and Florida would have been the ones getting blown out in the BCS Championship Game--it has taken a few years. 

Alabama is different.  They are already reloaded for next season, and are preseason contenders and will likely be ranked #1 at the season's beginning.  And this is something that will continue for a while. Sure, they'll lose good classes, some years a mass of seniors will move on, leaving a dearth of underclassmen to carry the weight, and those years, you Bama fans will have to suffer through those dreadful seasons of 9-3 and 10-2--you poor fanbase.

Obviously, the titles won't be every year. As a matter of fact, I predict they won't win the final BCS next year, and will end up in the Sugar Bowl blasting Kansas State 56-7, but that just means they'll have to wait another year or two for "16". 

(I won't get into the whole "15 national championships" thing, and how ridiculous that claim is... while I stand in awe of Alabama, I'm not giving them props for what they don't deserve)

What's worse, for every fan of every other team not named Crimson Tide, is the upcoming playoff system.  From what I gather, one of the reasons that the playoff system is being implemented in 2 years is that other conferences were tiring of the SEC stranglehold on the BCS Trophy, and wanted to do something that didn't put the SEC in the game so often... which backfires, because not every year Alabama will qualify for one of the top two spots... but more often than not, they'll be in the top four, meaning they can play their way to the title game. 

And to me, this also brings up another interesting dynamic... the legend of Bear Bryant vs. the current coach, Nick Saban.  From an outsider looking in, Nick Saban is a better coach. 

Bear Bryant is a legend.  And the key word is "legend".  I'm not taking anything away from him at Alabama, and his 25 years, amassing a record of something like 237-46, a ton of bowl wins, and depending on how you count and who you believe, a bunch of national titles. 

In a great line, Saban was asked, "What do you do with all your
championship rings?  Do you wear them?" and he responded that he
lays them all on the coffee table in front of potential recruits.

But Nick Saban has three titles at Alabama in four years, and four titles to his name if you toss in the LSU one.  He has to deal with restrictions from the NCAA that The Bear never dealt with, from recruiting violations to when you can practice to how much you contact a player to dealing with gifts and money and boosters and so on, with ALL of it being broadcast to the world every minute from everything from Finebaum to Twitter.  A player gets drunk at a party, you know about it.  His own daughter got into a cat-fight at a sorority function, and we knew about it as it was going on. 

Bear Bryant never dealt with any of that.  I don't know how strict the NCAA was on things back in the 60s and 70s, and I know it took the SMU scandal in the 80s for them to really crack down on boosters and such, but I'm guessing that paying players didn't start with Southern Methodist.  (hear me now, I am not accusing Coach Bryant of doing anything illegal or cheating in any way).  Also, conditions in which players could practice weren't regulated (anyone see that movie about Bear at Texas A&M?  I'm sure some of that was real).

My whole point is, Bear Bryant never had to coach in an atmosphere of restrictions and parity that Nick Saban is having to deal with today.  Football players likely did the same things in 1966 as they do now, as did boosters, but you didn't hear about it, or it was easy to cover up then... not so much now. 

Perhaps the actual star of the game, AJ's lady
friend, Katherine Webb.  However, I will not stoop
to the levels of other sites and just toss her picture
up here for effect.  I refuse to do it.  Look else-
where for that. 

What people my age know about Bear Bryant is only stories from our parents and grandparents, and how good he was.  We hear tales of games and victories and names that have long since retired from the NFL or never made it that far and have retired from selling insurance 30 years ago.  What we know now is Nick Saban, and the masterful job he's done at not only Alabama, but Michigan State, Utah and even LSU, as much as we all hate LSU.  Let's be real, everyone hates LSU.  Even LSU fans, they just don't know it yet.

So it becomes a generational argument, and as the legend of Bryant gets passed down from father to son, so grows the Legend of Nick Saban.  I contend that in 20 years, those children who will be age I am now will be discussing Saban in Bryant-like mythos.  And Bear Bryant will eventually become a Knute Rockne figure... someone everyone know was great, but no one really knows what he actually did.  Sorta like people look at George Denny.  You know, the "denny" in Bryant-Denny Stadium.  Exactly.

Anyway, that's my assessment on Alabama.  They are very, very good football team, and will remain so for a long time.  And while wishing the same type of success for the Go Gators, I am recognizing the greatness of what is occurring and the rarity of it all.

There's my thoughts.

the 100 coolest things of 2011... 80 to 71

I just looked around and realized... holy schmoles... its almost October!  And we are no closer to tell you what the Coolest Thing of 2011 was!  So, this is what I wrote a few months ago, and then we'll blast through 70 thru 11 on a Cool Express post or 2...

Here is 100 through 91... Auburn's title... "Pocket Full of Kryptonite", ah... "Friends with Benefits"... Colin Firth's Oscar... "My Strange Addiction"... Edge's retirement... "Fast Five"... "50/50"... Aladdin's stage show... "Something Borrowed"

Here is 90 through 81... Coin Dozer app... "Superheroes"... "The Rainmaker"... "I Need a Dollar"... "Zookeeper"... Mr. Toad's Wild Ride... "The Help"... Jersey Mike's subs... "Thor"... Brava Rotisserie Grill...

Okay, so this part of the list is very movie-focused, as I saw a record (for me) number of movies last year, I think at 38... and a lot of them made this list.  So, let's kick it off with the film that Hurricane Rhett said, "I understood about 58% of what was happening in the second one... and in this one, I understood about 74%, making it thereby much better."

80... "Transformers: Dark of the Moon"
I mean, why even try to explain this film.  Its a bunch of robots who can transform into cars, and Optimus Prime and Megatron go at it uno mas time, and Shia LaBeouf is running around trying to act better than his talent will let him, and Megan Fox is no longer in the cast, replaced by supermodel Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, and somehow Ken Jeung, Patrick Dempsey AND John Malkovich make an appearance...

...but really, who gives a crap, right?  Its CARS WHO TURN INTO FIGHTING ROBOTS!!  There's a scene in this flick where Bumblebee, the bestie of Sam Witwicky (LaBeouf), is racing down the interstate with Sam inside, sees congestion in the form of dead robot bodies all over the highway, then he transforms into the robot, hurling Sam into the air, leaps over the hulking hunking holes of metal, fires his gun at the bad guys, then transforms back into the car, catching Sam back inside the passenger seat, all in the matter of a few seconds.  Despite this move being poorly acted and stupidly plotted, that is one of the best few seconds of ANY movie in 2011... you don't watch this movie for plot and talent.  You watch it to see FIGHTING ROBOTS!!!  Dig it!

79... "The Ides of March"
Wow did I think this movie was good.  You have to know that I really like political dramas, and judge them accordingly.  Russell Crowe's "State of Play"--excellent.  Tom Cruise in "Lion for Lambs--unexcellent.  Primary Colors--so good its one of my 100 films of all time.  George Clooney in "Michael Clayton"--would be good if it wasn't so boring.

An adaptation of Beau Willimon's play "Farragut North", this film features Ryan Gosling as Stephen Meyers, a campaign manager for Mike Morris (George Clooney), the Governor of Pennsylvania and a Presidential candidate locked in a fierce battle with a senator for Arkansas.  The goal is to woo a North Carolina Senator, who controls 356 delegates and would give the winner of those delegates the Democratic nomination. 

When a young intern, Molly (Evan Rachel Woods), gets involved with Stephen, things begin to go downhill fast... because with Molly comes a few secrets involving not only Stephen, but also Governor Morris himself... and a double cross with both Morris' and the Arkansas senator's campaign managers, played fantastically by Philip Seymour Hoffman and Paul Giamatti, respectively. 

There are some slow moments, but bear with it... the deep showdown between Gosling and Clooney towards the end of the film is supremely done and worth the wait. 

78... The Dallas Mavericks Win the NBA Championship
Yes, I'm a San Antonio Spurs fan.  Have been since the late 80s and especially the early 90s as I followed David Robinson, my favorite all time player... that said, there are several teams I follow and root for.  Almost dead even with the Spurs as a favorite NBA team are the Orlando Magic, for the obvious Florida ties.  And though there are teams that I don't want to see them beat the Spurs or Magic, I do enjoy wins by the Celtics (its a mom connection), and now, the Mavericks.  Of course, reading this, the champions now are the Miami Heat..

...by the way, how come there hasn't been more made of the fact that it was strike shortened season?  When the Spurs won their first title in like, '99, there were a whole lot of people discussing how they didn't play a full season, and could the Spurs do it if there was a full season, and Tim Duncan is a rookie and could he play all 82 games and blah blah blah, and here comes LeBron, playing in a 60-something game season, not a full 82 games, and they win the title, and its like a coronation of LeBron all around, even though he didn't play a full season either and... really?

Where was I?

77... Kent State Helps Alabama Who Salutes Kent State
On April 27th of 2011, a massive band of storms roared through Alabama, filling up our landscape with rain, wind and... tornadoes.  Towns were wiped off the map, neighborhoods here were damaged and some leveled, and the destruction was practically unfathomable.

And with such loss comes the familiar, yet never-gets-old, stories of those in the city, the state, the country and even the world who rise up to the challenge and, for lack of a better word, give a "helping hand".  One such story made me smile just a little more than some of others, and that was the fact that players from the Kent State University football team saw fit to make their way down to Tuscaloosa to pitch in that aforementioned helping hand. 

Four Kent State Golden Flashes players--Spencer Keith, Ishmaa'ily Kitchen, Lee Stalker and Jacquise Terry--volunteered at the Habitat for Humanity houses alongside several Tide players, in addition to helping out with a football camp at Holt High School for some tornado-displaced children. 

Kent State was set to play Alabama the following September, and when they did, it wasn't the usual taunting and superiority felt by many smaller teams who are cashing in for their beatdowns at the hands of behemoth schools like Alabama.  Before the game, Bama fans sent hundreds of messages begging Tide fans to not boo and ridicule the Kent State team when the Golden Flashes entered Bryant-Denny Stadium.   The messages worked.

The Kent State team was greeted warmly with cheers and such, as they should have been, and from the side of the Alabama Crimson Nation, it was a class act.  Yes, the game got out of hand quickly, with the then-ranked #2 Tide beating KSt 48-7, but it was the actions of Kent State over the summer and the reception of Alabama that will be remembered, separating this game from the hundreds of beatdowns given before SEC play commences.

76... "Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows"
As much as I like Rachel McAdams... this second movie in the Sherlock Holmes series was, at least to me, superior in most ways--story, dialogue, characters, etc.  What can I say... I liked it quite a bit.

The plot is a little much to get into and keep your attention, but Holmes (Colin Firth Club Member in good standing Robert Downey Jr) and Watson (Jude Law) team up to stop a take-over-the world plot from the cunning and so, so evil Dr. Moriarity, played by Jared Harris, who is Lane Pryce on Mad Men.  The addition of Noomi Rapace, as ingenue Simza, doesn't necessarily make up for the short screen time of McAdams, but she is great in the film too.

Anyway, great film.  Enjoyed it much.

75... My Yard Goes Disney
From the category of "We have to make up problems in this country", comes a ridiculous show on HGTV that takes boring and decrepid backyards and turns them into Disney World havens with props and pools and accessories all decked out in Mickey Mouse style. 

Here's what I wrote on June 6th of 2011...

We just recorded, and are watching back, this show on HGTV... now I don't really watch HGTV, because every show on their schedule might as well be called "Kitchens and Backyards That You'll Never, Ever Be Able to Afford TV" or KABTYNEBATATV... in hindsight, I guess HGTV works better.

The show that would get me watching HGTV?

My Yard Goes Disney



Apparently, HGTV invited people from all over the country to make videos telling them why they deserved to have a Disney-themed backyard makeover.  A backyard with an 8 foot sorcerer's hat, a Tinkerbell themed teapot that serves as a playhouse, a Tinkerbell themed birdcage kids swing, flowers with kids pics in the middle and topped off with a freakin' train with 200 feet of track running from their backyard into Mawmaw's backyard next door, and of course back again. All designed by genuine Disney Imagineers.

You can read the full show review by clicking here.

74... The Civil Wars
Talk about mellow and smooth... the duo of (former?) Christian music artist Joy Williams and John Paul Williams make great music.  No, they aren't romantically linked, as she is married with a kid and he is married with four of his own--not that makes a difference sometimes, but still.

Anyway... its soft coffeehouse rock kind of music, and its awesome.  Well, maybe not on a long car trip, as it might put you to sleep, but otherwise, yeah.

73... "Rise of the Planet of the Apes"
This was truly a movie I didn't want to see.  Having never seen any of the early "Planet of the Apes" films and thinking the 2001 Mark Wahlberg reboot was a steaming pile of Bantha poodoo, this film didn't excite me all that much... and yet, I somehow ended up at the theater, checking it out.  And I'm glad I did...

Here's what I wrote on August 30th.... So, the movie was solid. The story was good, the characters were well written, the script is well written, the special effects, especially Andy Serkis, is unbelievable and overall, I enjoyed it immensely. You don't have to be familiar with the other films--in fact, there are apparently a dozen or so references to the early films, though I only caught one when Draco Malfoy says, "Dadgum dirty apes!"--to like this movie, and it sets it up quite nicely for following films, which due to the success of this one, are likely.
Here's the full review, or you can find this and hundreds of other films on my own movie review page.

72... "Hot Coffee"
Remember the old lady that spilled coffee in her lap, then sued McDonalds for like, $300 million dollars or something because the "coffee was too hot"?  There were jokes abound on everything from late night television to me and my own high school buddies cracking jokes.  Seriously?  Isn't coffee supposed to be hot?  So, yeah, I think I'll sue Water World in Dothan, because their water is too wet!  Ha ha!  Right? 

So the story is, in 1992, then-79 year old Stella Liebeck, living in Albuquerque, New Mexico, sat in her grandson's car in the passenger seat, ordering a 49 cent cup of coffee in the McDonald's drive-thru.  Her grandson parked the car so that Stella could put the cream and sugar in her coffee, but when she went to lift the lid, the cup sloshed and the entire contents of the cup spilled into her lap.  Wearing cotton sweatpants, it absorbed the coffee and burned into her skin.  At the hospital, it was determined that she suffered third-degree burns over 6% of her skin and lesser burns on 16% of her skin... she underwent skin grafting over the next 8 days and spent two years undergoing medical treatment. 

She sought to settle with McDonalds for $20,000 to cover her actual and upcoming medical expenses.  They offered her $800.  And thus began the legal battle over coffee was was too hot and unsafely served... and thus is the opening salvo in this HBO documentary.

It covers three more cases like this, cases that are seemingly open-and-shut yet are much deeper and harder to agree upon a resolution once you know the full story... like Nebraska family, The Gourleys, who's 16 year old son is severely brain damaged due to medical malpractice at birth... yet, Nebraska's cop on damages meant the Gourleys could only get $1.25 million, far below the estimated $5.65 million that a jury decided they would need for his lifetime care.

You also see the story of Oliver Diaz, a judge who opposed tort-reform and was "run out of office" by those groups who didn't see it that way... and finally, the story of Jamie Leigh Jones, a KBR/Halliburton employee who's claims that she was drugged and raped by male co-workers and faced even more problems when evidence disappeared.

Whether you agree with these stories or not, or whether you think that Stella is still too greedy, especially since she was clumsy, or you think that McDonalds took a greedy route by their lowball offer, all of these stories are fascinating in nature and very thought provoking. 

I, for one, learned a lot about tort reform.  And McDonalds coffee.

71... "Misery" by Stephen King
I find that sometimes the scariest Stephen King novels aren't those that deal with the supernatural and ghosts and demons, but deal with people who are just bat guano crazy.  And when they are bat guano crazy, it makes for a more compelling villain, because they are real people who do things that real life people might do.

While "'Salem's Lot" and "It" are my favorite King books, dealing with the undead and the otherworldly, "Misery"'s Annie Wilkes might just be one of the most scary villains in the King universe... because she's not supernatural.  She's not undead, or otherworldly... she's just... well, bat guano crazy.

Writer Paul Sheldon has a ritual when he finishes his novels, of which he's been writing about a character named Misery Chastain--and the latest book, he kills her off, giving him the freedom from writing just that story that he's done for so many years.  And it all goes haywire when during this novel-finishing ritual, which calls for him to complete books while up in the Colorado mountains all alone with no forms of communication, his car wrecks and he tumbles down a snow filled ravine.  And when Annie Wilkes finds him, the story takes over... Annie is his biggest fan.  His biggest, obsessive fan.  And she loves Misery Chastain... and when she finds out that Misery bites in this, his latest and last Misery novel, she's not happy.  As a matter of fact, she's bat guano crazy about it.

When I read it, Paul was already wrecked and in Annie's spare bedroom within the first 30 pages or so, which made me wonder how in the world King was going to stretch the story for another 300+ pages... but he did.  And it is intense, both wonderful and dreadful at the same time.   Yes, the movie is great, with Kathy Bates portrayal of Annie getting her an Oscar for it, but the book is even better. 
 

Coming up... The 2011 Cool Express...

graduation day

This was written back on Saturday, May 6th, as I sat in the audience, via iPhone's Blogging app.  It is until just now that I got around to posting it, in between all the other posts that were more timely... so, enjoy.

So... My first college graduation. The time is 1242p, and I'm sitting in the middle of the Coleman Coliseum, planted right on the campus of The University of Alabama.

My brother in law, the Super Cool Tyler, is getting his degree today in Mechanical Engineering, meaning he is smarter than I and he makes more in his internship than I do in real life.

When I say it's my first college graduation, I mean that--I graduated from Troy State U (go Trojans!) in the spring of 1998... However, to walk, you had to pay like, $50 to rent your cap and gown and such, and honestly, I didn't have 50 bucks for anything, and I missed the deadline for ordering... Were I to walk, I wouldn't have anything scholarly to wear. There was a mission trip to New York City with our BCM that March--right during Troy's graduation... So I saved up some money, and in mid-March, on that Friday, instead of shaking hands with Chancellor Hawkins and getting my diploma, I was instead strolling down 8th Avenue in Manhattan, headed towards FAO Scwartz with Allysong Guy, Claire Baldwin and Troy McConnell.

So, here I am. And the whole family is here too... There is Big Daddy Ron... Mama Ruthless... Aunt Becky... coming soon is Angie, the sis-in-law, Randy the bro-in-law, and the kids, Madeleine and Benjamin. Sitting with us as week is Tyler's fiancee, Brynn... And lest we forget, The Lovely Steph Leann. Who is holding our five month old.

The graduates file in, one by one, ready to end their dreamy college
experience and begin the strange new adventure known as "The Real World"

Our five month old. In a crowded, loud arena. For three hours. What. Could. Possibly. Go. Wrong?

107p... We find out, as Campbell has decided he has hungry a little ahead of schedule.

113p... As the graduates make their way into the arena, Angie and Company have arrived to join us. The gang is all here.

114p... We are currently playing a little game called "Find the Tyler"

117p... One of my favorite things at graduations--high school up until today--is to hear the "Name Reader" butcher the simple and not so simple names. And with names like "Mohammed abdulrhim al Ibrahim" (pg 49) and "Meisam Salahshoor-Pirsoltan" (pg 24) it might've been a fruitful afternoon... However, I've been informed by Trey Cartledge, sitting in front of us, that Eugene Proffit, the "Name Reader", is a god among insects when it comes to such things... He apparently doesn't miss names. We shall see.

129p... Camille Sonnier, at least according to the jumbotron, sings the national anthem... U-S-A! U-S-A!!!

132p... Surprisingly, an invocation. Albeit one to "the Creator", but still...

138p... The Doctorates are first. Some chick named Wookjung Chang is up. Her family? The Woojung Clan.

144p... After pronouncing Cui Cui, this exchange:

Brynn: this guy is a baller
The Lovelt Steph Leann: he has been doing this a long time

146p... Just had a Michael Scott AND a Miaomiao Pang.--pronounced "Meow Meow".  Just saying.

147p... Elizabeth Luzer. What a rough name to overcome. Im not a Luzer, I'm a Winher!!

149p... Candidate for Cinemax name of the day... Willie B Breedlove.

151p... Campbell shows his support by pooping. The Lovely Steph Leann will be right back.

156p... The Business Degrees are up. And if Danielle Marie Drago doesn't name her son Ivan, then there is no justice. I'm also expecting big things from anyone named William Augustus Burgstiner IV. Just saying.

207p... So far, Procter is like a pimp on these names... But, I'm wondering, is it possible that he is getting a ton of these names wrong, but says them with such conviction, no one questions him?Maybe the graduates are told "okay, he might goof up your name, but go with it."

208p... If I were William T. French, I would have totally gone by "Will T. Freedom" back in the early part of the 2000s.

211p... If your last name is Gooch, and your a guy, cool. If you are a chick, you are looking to marry out of that name as soon as possible. And surely John Nicholas Grabowski's nickname is The Big Grabowski. Right? Right?

217p... If Lisa Yoko Lawless is dating the guitarist, you know the other bandmates are nervous.

220p... The name Brooke Elise Pancake just came up. I have about 3,877 breakfast jokes right here--by the time I decide on one, the moment is gone. Sad.

227p... Peter Joseph Scatamacchia? "yea, I need a tall latte, and venti mocha frap and a grande Scatamacchia... With an extra shot, please.". Love it.

229p... Jenna Nicole Stiffler probably thought she had a name that was fine, forgettable and unremarkable. And then those American Pie movies came out.   And her poor mom.

234p... We enter Hour 2 of this name fest and it's time for the Engineering... Which means Tyler is up.

Mommy and Campbell, before he decided he liked it
better outside, where the attention was all on him.

242... Look! There's Tyler in line!

(cue record screech sound)

We are sorry to interrupt this blog, but further jokes about names and random comments about graduation proceedings are now impossible, due to the fact the 5 month old in our group has decided he'd had enough and had begun to cry... Meaning Daddy--yours truly--now has him in the lobby, walking around, patting him on the bum and whispering comforting things to him.

I actually think I heard the family yell for Tyler as I was exiting the row... I said "excuse me" to the lady at the end of the row as she had to stand to let me by and added, "this little guy has had enough".

She smiled with a smirk and said, "yes he has.". I took Campbell out.

259p... And it's over, the grads are filing out. A few pics, a hot walk to a distant parking lot and 20 minutes later, we are now all at The Cypress Inn Cafe, awaiting a seat.

So, I guess that's it. There is your Alabama graduation... Oh, I guess since I'm in Tuscaloosa, home of the 63 time national champs (according to them) and the 6 time national champ (according to logic), I guess I should end this with those two famous words...

Go Gators.

The 100 to 91st Coolest Things of 2011

Feels like we were just here, doesn't it?  I mean, with the coolest things of the year, right?  About a week or two ago, we learned how Melanie rules, my car is awesome, iLove my iPhone and "Inception" makes my head spin in a good way...but THAT was 2010.

We just passed 2011.  And in that year, cool things happen.  Which means its time to start our new list!  Now, perhaps we can finish it before December 29th of 2012, eh?

Quickly, though, for those of you who have never read this list before, its quite simply what I consider to be the coolest things of the past 12 months.  For the most part, stuff that has made this list before won't make the list again, because otherwise, I'd have a rolling list year after year that includes the same things like "Star Wars" and "Shawshank" and "Toy Story Mania" and My Darling Wife and so on;  rather, this is kind of "new things"--movies and shows I've never seen before this year, books I'd not read, experiences I'd not experienced, that sort of thing... and some of these things may have predated 2011, like a book that came out years ago, but it qualifies here if in fact I'd read it in 2011.

Enough chatter.  Here are The 100 Coolest Things of 2011, starting at the top:

#100... Auburn Wins the National Title
Perhaps that heading should actually say "Cam Newton" wins the national title.  There are two kinds of teams that win championships in college football... those with great teams, like the Alabama team that won it in 2009 (and subsequently, a few days ago for the 2011 season) and those with mediocre teams and one great, great player.  Auburn was the latter.  Cam Newton was electrifying... watching him run, watching him play was genius, probably a more trumped up version of watching a young Steve McNair at Alcorn State do magic in the air.   They were known as the Cardiac Cats, because they had this habit of falling behind early, many times to lesser opponents, then roaring back... and when they fell behind to a perhaps superior opponent, the Crimson Tide, they managed to get a score in at halftime--my bro-in-law Tyler was high fiving his dad, Big Daddy Ron, excited, celebrating and saying, "Yeah!  We are dominating!", while Ron simply smirked at the 20 point lead for the Tide saying, "This isn't enough.  I'm worried."  As well he should have been.

Anyway, it was kinda cool to see a program who hadn't won a title since '57 take it home, especially knowing its not likely to happen again.  See, while Alabama... and yes, The Go Gator Nation... build great teams, teams ready to sustain a few years of hug success separated by a year or two of so-so 9 win seasons, Auburn is awaiting its next great player.  Someday, perhaps.

Found on Twitter:  Its great that Alabama sandwiched its titles around Auburn's title.  Just like a good big brother should do.

#99... Got a "Pocket Full of Kryptonite", Ah...
The band is the Spin Doctors, the album is "Pocket Full of Kryponite", and the title is from a line in my favorite Spin Doctors tune, "Jimmy Olsen's Blues", one of my top 100 favorite songs of all time.  I owned this CD, though I don't exactly remember where I got it--what I do know is, it was completely scratched up, so much so that I'd never heard the entire CD because from Track 4 (a song called "Forty or Fifty") on, it would skip.

So during The Great CD Purge in the Summer of 2011, the scratched CD was one that hit the bricks.  I didn't mourn the loss of the album, yet I wish I had still owned it.  So, imagine my joy one day in late 2011 when I was touring 2nd and Charles, a used book/music/movie/electronic/everything/anything store, and I came across a copy, a like-new copy of "Pocket Full of Krytonite".  For like, $2.95.  Done and done.

Now that I own it, though, I must make an ironic confession... its really not that good of an album.  The two major singles, "Two Princes" (my senior cruise theme song) and "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong", plus the aforementioned "Jimmy Olsen's Blues", are the best part of the album by far.  Its not bad... but its not a great album.  But I do own it, and its the symbolism that counts, right?  Right.

#98... "Friends With Benefits"
Out of the three "friends who decided to hook up only as friends but somehow decided they liked each other" movies that came out within about 9 months of each other, this was by far and away my favorite.

Here's what I wrote on July 31st:

In my own (un)humble opinion, the far superior of the three films.  The script is funny and light, and more real than the rest (the hilarity of the first hook up is a great example), the jokes are funny, and there is great on-screen chemistry between Mila and JT.  You end up liking both characters a lot, and by the time you find out Dylan's story--father with the beginning stages of Alzheimers--it doesn't feel like a ploy to get you to like him because you already do.  Jenna Elfman shows up as Dylan's sister and plays the part great (and cameos from Emma Stone, Andy Sandburg, Rashida Jones and Jason Segel are great too) and the whole romance is entirely believable this time around.  I liked this film alot, and will probably be the only one of the three to appear on The 100 Coolest Things of 2011...

See... I knew.

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of The Colin Firth Club, The Lovely
Steph Leann's Hollywood Boyfriend himself, Colin Firth.

#97... Colin Firth Wins the Oscar
Not much to say here, except that its always great when an actor who you know deserves to win an Oscar once in his career actually wins one, and its even greater when that Oscar is not considered by the masses to be a "lifetime" award, but a win for an actual singular performance... hence, Colin Firth wins Best Actor for his portrayal of the king in "The King's Speech", a great, great film.

Much like my excitement when my dear Kate Winslet won her award a few years back, The Lovely Steph Leann was beside herself when her man, Colin First, the president and namesake of The Colin Firth Club, took home the ultimate acting prize.  Now, if only Amy Adams would win one for me, and Hugh Jackman for The Lovely Steph Leann.

#96... "My Strange Addiction"
Holy crap, have you seen this show?  What a weird show.

Its one of those shows that the title gives you all you need to know... it documents real people who have real, strange addictions... like the chick who carries the urn with her late husbands ashes in it, everywhere she goes.  Oh, and she likes to eat the ashes by licking her finger, sticking it in the urn, and licking them again.

Eating is a big deal... there's the chick who drinks bleach... and the chick who eats foam cushions... and the chick who is addicted to eating toilet paper.... and the chick who not only pulls her hair out, but eats the follicles... and the chick who eats dryer sheets.  Lest you think that just the chicks have issues, which they do, there is the guy who likes to eat glass.

And of course, there is the dude who lives his private life as a baby, complete with diaper and giant crib... and the girl who wears a bunny suit everywhere she goes.... the chick who sleeps with her hair dryer... the list goes on.

What a weird show... weird, and yet a fascinating look at the human condition.

#95... Edge Bows Out 
When my best mate Wookiee, Big Tom and myself ventured to Atlanta in April, we witnessed something that you will find ranking high, high on this list, that being WrestleMania.  And in that event, we were able to see a legend wrestle in the opening match, successfully defending his World Heavyweight Title against Alberto del Rio.  The match was decent, nothing to spectacular, but was cool to see the Rated R Superstar, the Ultimate Opportunist, that being Edge himself, take the squared circle.

We didn't know it would be his last match.  Ever.

A week later, the following Monday, I'm at home in The Cabana, watching WWE Raw as I'm known each week, and Edge comes out.  Typically, the guys come out and do a trash-talk routine, or discuss who they are feuding with and so on, maybe even call out someone from the back and do a one-on-one confrontation that always ends in them punching each other and knocking over a table.  However, Edge took a different tone.  He started out discussing the realities of wrestling, the dangers and the real-life toll it takes on people.  He told us about the seriousness of a previous neck injury which resulted in the fusing of his cervical vertebrae, and the numbness he'd been feeling in the last few months.  Then, he told us of the MRI he recently had and how he had, in the last week, been diagnosed with cervical spinal stenosis.  And finally, he said the real-life doctors would now no longer clear him to compete, as an injury to his spine at this point could result in partial- or full-paralysis... or even death.


You think you know me.  Thank you, Edge.

And right there, Edge retired.  Winner of a record 31 championships in his career, and it was all over... and it wasn't like he could come out of retirement and do a match here or there, like Kevin Nash or Booker T, or even do his patented moves randomly, like Shawn Michaels does with his Sweet Chin Music... no, for Edge, its over.  He has made appearances here and there, but knowing that one missed fall, or one single move that didn't go quite right could kill you?  Done.

I tip my hat to Adam Copeland... you haven't always been my favorite, but its been a joy watching you be a heel all these years.

#94... "Fast Five"
What an absolute piece of crap movie.  A piece of crap movie that I love, one that months after I saw it, I pondered on how ridiculously stupid it was... but if ever there was a movie that lined up with the word "Craptacular", then this piece of glorious poop would be it.

I think we will look back in a few years at the crap that has come out, and rank "Fast Five" along side of "Con Air", "The Expendables" and "Armageddon" as the most beloved, improbable crap of our age.  And its a darn sight better than The Rock's other movie this year, "Faster".  Yeesh.

#93... "50/50"
I'm a fan of Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Seth Rogan, but I was still surprised about how good this movie was--and how great Seth Rogan is as Jo-Go-Lev's best buddy, when Jo-Go-Lev's Adam gets cancer and has to learn to deal with it.  And the appearance of Anna Kendrick doesn't hurt in the least.

Here's what I had to say:

Joseph Gordon-Levitt, in a fair world, would be sniffing an Oscar nomination, at the least a Golden Globe nod, because his performance is awesome.  I love this guy in "Inception", as his character is one of the coolest cats out there, but he tops himself in "50/50".  I enjoy Seth Rogen being goofy in any number of movies, but his semi-serious turn that he couldn't nail in "Funny People" is nailed here.  Bryce Dallas Howard doesn't have a huge role, but does it right, while Anna Kendrick shines as Katherine, just like she does as Natalie in "Up In the Air", a movie which is quickly becoming one of my all time favorites. (note:  "Up in the Air" currently ranks as my 14th favorite film of all time--d$)

Loved this film, one of the best I've seen this year... however, this movie is not for kids, as the language flows pervasive and free flowing, and there is a few uses of the Mary Jane plant... there is one sex scene, though you really don't see anything, and it ends a little different than you would think, almost in a sympathetic fashion.  Its about an hour forty-five or so, maybe a little less, but it is paced really well and honestly, its one of those rare movies that I didn't want to end.

Read the entire review from September 29th by clicking here.

#92... The Aladdin Stage Show
Its no secret that one of my very favorite attractions at Walt Disney World is the "Finding Nemo: The Musical" show at Disney Animal Kingdom.  Being fans of Broadway style shows, "Disney's Aladdin: A Musical Spectacular" was circled on our list of things to do when The Lovely Steph Leann and I went to Disneyland this past May.

Located in California Adventure, it takes place in the 2000 seat Hyperion Theater at the end of Hollywood Boulevard.  The show itself is only similar to "Finding Nemo" in that its a musical stage show, but its great nonetheless.  In the 45 minute show, many of the classic scenes and songs from the movie are recreated onstage, and they even move some of the action into the audience, like Aladdin's arrival in the song "Prince Ali". There are flying carpets, magic lamps, great special effects, a lovely Jasmine, a handsome Aladdin and a convincingly evil Jafar... but the crown jewel of the show, like the movie, is The Genie.  Whether he's like that always, I cannot speak, but in the show we watched, the actor portraying Genie was brilliant.

If you are ever in the area and have a chance to check out Disneyland, or at least California Adventure, make this a must-do.  We loved it.

#91... "Something Borrowed"
Yes, yes, its a total chick flick, and yes, it was blasted by critics, and yes, the heroine of the movie is the chick who actually does the home wrecking and man-stealing in the movie, but you know what?  I liked it.  Sue me.

Coming up:  Getting the Help... Needing a dollar, dollar... and Gods of Thunder... and later, one of the best documentaries of the year is about... a coffee burn?