the edge of a dozen movie dash

Here's what I like to call "The Dozen Movie Dash"... a quick review on 12 movies I've seen recently, some new, some old...

MALEFICENT (2014)... If you love the original film, you may have an issue with this retelling of the Sleeping Beauty story. Well, not if you love it, I mean, if you are a loyalist to the original animated film... because this takes that film, flips it over like an Etch-a-Sketch, shakes it, and redraws a new tale... and this tale is very polarizing, as most people either love it or hate it. I don't know that I loved it, but I liked it very much.

Those cheekbones are a little weird... but overall, she's fantastic in this role.

We see Maleficent as a young fairy, meeting Stefan for the first time, forging a friendship and growing up together... and we see the heartbreak Maleficent had when Stefan forgot all about her, in order to chase his dream of being a human king. As the original story goes, a daughter is born (by a queen we see for a few minutes, and then hear that later, she's sick), is cursed by Maleficent, and is put into the care of three bumbling fairies named something, another and whatever (not the Fauna, Flora and Meriweather we all know and loved). The story does take a turn somewhere towards the end, though you might predict the "True Love Kiss" aspect of it, especially if you've seen "Frozen", and ends in a big battle scene, complete with the requisite dragon and everything.

The star of this film, though, is Angelina Jolie... she is completely mesmerizing. I'm one of about four guys in the entire world of 7 billion people who doesn't find Jolie all that attractive (she looked her best when she looked all mussed in "Gone in Sixty Seconds"), but in this film, I was just captivated. When she's onscreen, you can't look away, as they put her perfectly sculpted face and ruby red lips front and center each time. Even the cuteness of Elle Fanning as Aurora can't take anything away from AJ... and I'm okay with it. "Maleficent" is Angelina's movie, as I cannot think of anybody who could have done this film as well as she did.

Love it, like, dislike or hate it, this isn't a movie you'll forget, especially Angelina in the title. role. Rated PG for fantasy violence.

EDGE OF TOMORROW (2014)... There are three things that I learned about this film. First, Tom Cruise still has it. He's excellent in this, he plays cowardice (early in the film) wonderfully, and we know he can be the hero (the rest of the film) from all the other movies he's been in. Second, despite what you hear, this isn't "Groundhog Independence Day", though I could see how one might think it. The whole plot centers the planet Earth, in the midst of an alien invasion, and a solider named Cage (Cruise) who ends up replaying the same day over and over... when he dies in battle, and in the beginning, it's very quickly, he wakes up again the day before, in the same spot. Only every time he starts over, he has learned a little more. Unlike "Groundhog Day", you learn in "Edge" of exactly why he is coming back again and again. And the story itself isn't entirely living the same 24 hours over and over again... the plot expands, and it's very well written, comical at just the right time, and a great popcorn movie to be enjoyed.

Emily Blunt and Tom Cruise facing off in their battle gear.  As long as
Tom stays away from "Oblivion 2", we're okay.

Oh, the third thing I learned? Emily Blunt is beautiful. Well, I already knew this, but she's great in this. PG-13 for language and science fiction violence.

MILLION DOLLAR ARM (2014)... In this typical Disney sports film of overcoming the odds, Jon Hamm is JB, a sports agent who has seemingly lost the account that will save his agency. Things look grim, things look bleak, things look downright impossible... and yet, one night, while randomly watching Indian cricket with his friend and business partner Aash, he gets the stroke of inspiration he needs... hold a talent competition in India to find the next, great Major League Baseball pitcher. Off he goes, and first it doesn't work out, then it starts to, and then there are trials and tribulations and toss in Alan Arkin being crotchety as usual, then Bill Paxton in a low key coaching role and the gorgeous Lake Bell for eye candy, plus a few unknowns from Bollywood... and you have this movie.

I liked it okay enough, but I won't remember it in six months. PG for language and drinking and such.

AMERICAN HUSTLE (2013)... I loved this film. I thought it was great, it was inventive, it was funny, and it was so, so well written. The all star cast includes Christian Bale, Amy Adams (whom I'm in love with), Jennifer Lawrence, Bradley Cooper and Jeremy Renner, who has gotten no love in the last awards season for his part even though his hair alone was amazing... of course, the movie itself got no Oscar love either, nominated for 10 or 11 awards, and won absolutely Zero of them.  The director is David O. Russell, who did The Fighter and Silver Linings Playbook... and yeah, those movies contain a many of the aforementioned cast.

Lots of cursing, as you'd expect from a Rated R film to contain... now, the story is a con movie. Who's conning who, who's telling the truth, who is lying, and so on. I figured it about 2/3rd of the way through, but that didn't lesson the enjoyment of the film at all. If you liked The Fighter or Silver Linings Playbook (both are superior films), you should enjoy this--the performances, which are marvelous, outdo the story itself.

PAIN & GAIN (2013)... I'll watch anything with The Rock, and am a big fan of Mark Wahlberg as well, so this had potential. Set in the mid-90s, Daniel Lugo (Wahlberg) recruits his friends Paul (The Rock) and Adrian (Anthony Mackie) to help kidnap a millionaire (Tony Shalhoub) because they all feel like they deserve more, and "they are doers". Full of random comedy, yet wanting to be a crime story too, it sorta works. A little long for my tastes, and its hard to believe the characters are as stupid as they are--of course, it was based on a true story. One of the funniest parts sees one The Rock actually grilling hands that have been cut off from dead bodies... to remove the fingerprints. Suddenly the scene freezes, and the words "THIS IS STILL A TRUE STORY" are shown on the screen... and I laughed heartily. Rated R for lots of language, some random boobage, and lots of violence.

300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE (2014)... Following the success of 300, which was a great movie, this is not only a prequel, but its a sequel... and a... concurrentqual? The storyline of Rise of an Empire begins before the events of "300", during the events of "300" and continues after the ending of "300", with many callbacks to the "300" characters, notably Leonidis (Gerard Butler). His widow, played by Lena Hedley, plays a big part in this one, as well as former Bond Girl, Eva Green. Honestly, I couldn't decide if I found Eva Green attractive, or if I was terrified of her. Not as good as "300", but not as bad as you think it would be. Rated R for language and boobs. And violence.

 

You'll find yourself singing that "Everything is Awesome" song a whole
lot after you see it.  It's addicting, as it should be.

THE LEGO MOVIE (2014)... Everything is awesome! Everything is awesome when you see this film... Everything is cool when you are watching this film, everything is awesome! This movie is great... I mean, just great. Its fun, its original, its funny, its filled with hidden jokes, the cast is perfect (Chris Pratt, Elizabeth Banks, Morgan Freeman, Will Arnett, so many more), and the ending scene has a great twist that I did even see coming... I know a few people who don't like this movie, and I just don't get how you can't at least find this movie mildly amusing. Its great. Rated PG.

CAPTAIN PHILLIPS (2013)... This film is excellent. I mean, just excellent in so many ways. The cast is brilliant--Tom Hanks shines as Captain Phillips, while newcomer Barkhad Abdi is the lead Somali pirate, Muse, is both creepy and menacing and sympathetic and pitiful all at the same time. It took a slightly different direction than I expected about halfway through, though the movie is all the better for it... based on a true story, this movie is thrilling and pretty much non-stop all the way through. Rated PG-13 for violence.

THE INTERNSHIP (2013)... Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn play two dudes who need some direction in their lives, and they end up applying for an internship at Google... there is this summerlong program where people compete in teams, with the winning team landing jobs at the Google empire. Of course, Owen and Vince get placed on a team of misfits (like Dodgeball... or The Watch... ), and though I won't spoil it for you, you can guess where this leads... especially when you toss in Pretty Girl that Seems Unattainable But You Know Will Be Attained and Arrogant Dude That Always Gets His Way Until This Movie, Where He Will Get His Come-Uppance characters. Typical, predictable, yet Owen and Vince are charming enough to make is sorta funny. We enjoyed it, but we also like those guys alot, which might have helped. Rated PG-13

Here is the DIVX cover.  It's all bad.

FIRESTORM (1998)... After the success of Christian Slater and John Travolta in the military plane "Broken Arrow" (a film that is awful awesome awful awesome), someone said, "Hey... Howie Long did pretty good as Travolta's sidekick. Let's give him a movie!" Then someone else said, "Hey! Let's put fire in it!" and then someone else said, "Oh, fire in the wilderness!" and then some big suit down at the end pounded the table with a closed fist, saying, "Dang it! That's it! We make Howie a fire fighter in the woods! By jove, we've got it!" And so they made it. And the results are pretty stinkin' awful. I mean, its bad. Rated R for language and violence.

ENOUGH SAID (2013)... Out of all the great performers we've lost in the last year--Dennis Farina, Larry Hagman, Philip Seymour Hoffman--one of the biggies was James Gandolfini. He was such a versatile actor, and in this romantic comedy-drama, he shows even more range. A divorced father ends up meeting a divorced mother, played perfectly by Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and somehow they hit it off. Things get complicated when they end up knowing the same people, and try to make a relationship work, even though neither have dated for a long time. The movie is sweet, and funny, and bittersweet all at the same time. It never tries to bill the characters off as sexy or hot or perfect, or even likable, though they are very likable. The movie just shows them as real people, which is what makes this movie so fun and real. I loved this film, and at the very least, you have to appreciate the performances by both Julia and the late, great Gandolfini. Rated PG-13 for language and sexy stuff.

MONUMENTS MEN (2014)... With a cast like George Clooney, Matt Damon, John Goodman, Bob Balaban, Bill Murray, Cate Blanchett, that guy from The Artist, and more, how can this movie not be the best movie like, ever. The premise is that in World War II, there were a group of soldiers commissioned to track down and save priceless works of art, those paintings and sculptures and more that Hitler had seized and stolen, to open his own self-aggrandizing museum in Germany. This is based on a real story, from a real book that I read earlier this year.

And like the book, this movie just didn't do it for me. It felt like a series of vignettes that were only slightly connected to each other. It ran long, parts were just uninteresting, and though the book itself tells you of the hundreds, maybe thousands of men who were a part of this Monuments Men team, the movie doesn't even refer to anyone else but the immediate team. Just eh. Disappointing more than anything, because the cast itself almost promises you a better film, and it breaks that promise.

And a bonus...
NEVER SLEEP AGAIN (2013)... On The Deucecast, we do an Assigned Films segment, where we assign each of the other two co-hosts a film to watch and be prepared to discuss them on the next episode. Sometime we get funny, and give movies to each other that we know they will hate, just for laughs, and other times we hand off movies that we genuinely think the other person will like. And then, for fun, sometimes you get handed a 3 hour and 58 minute documentary about "The Nightmare on Elm Street" films. So, over the course of the last week or so, I watched it via Netflix, in bits and pieces, when I could.

And I loved this movie. Every second of it. Now, I'm not a huge Nightmare on Elm Street fan... I liked the original, I thought the third one was pretty good, and the seventh, "New Nightmare", in which all the actors actually play themselves, suddenly terrorized by Freddy Krueger, who has escaped imagination and entered the real world, was just cool.

Though the 238 minute running time is itself a nightmare, it's really an extremely easy watch--it's broken up into 15 and 20 minute segments, each concentrating on a different film in the series. Starting with the first, then the second ("Freddy's Revenge"), then then third ("The Dream Warriors"), then fourth ("Dream Masters), fifth ("The Dream Child"), then the sixth ("Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare"), then the finale ("Wes Craven's New Nightmare") and ending with the encore ("Freddy vs Jason").  Somewhere in the middle, the film even has a segment devoted to the short lived late 80s TV series. 

Along the way, you get great interviews with the actors in each movie, some of them with characters that die in the first few minutes, others that live through multiple films, and of course, lots of Robert Englund (who plays Freddy), Wes Craven (the creator of the series) and Robert Shaye (the former CEO of New Line Cinema, who released the films).

For anyone is even a passing fan of the Elm Street series, this movie is worth a watch, even if you only catch it segment by segment. It goes by much quicker than you think, it's entertaining and it's full of behind the scenes tidbits on how to make scary movies on practically no budget whatsoever.


So there ya go... twelve thirteen movies for your enjoyment... choose wisely.

movies of 2013... not the best, not the worst

Okay... so this post is forever long.  This is a prime example of not writing to be read, but writing to write, because there are 64 quick reviews below.  Yes, I said SIXTY FOUR.

I don't expect really anyone to read all the way through, but more of a perusal, stopping on certain titles they wanted to read about... but I wanted a recap of the movies I have seen for the first time in 2013... we looked at my picks for the worst viewed movies of the year... coming in a few days, the Really-Good, Almost Great Movies of 2013, then my picks for the Ten Best Films I Saw in 2013... plus the Golden Globes on Sunday Night!  Boy do you have a lot to read.

So, here's a lot of movies, and a quick word about them, written in alphabetical order for your convenience...

American Reunion (2012)... From my review: " The entire cast is back, and though its more of the
same, its fun watching the characters try and act like adults for once. Rated R for lots of bad things, like the first one."

The Artist (2011)... A "silent film", in black and white, its stylish and well done.  That said, its a chore to watch, and shouldn't have won Best Picture... I would have given it to The Descendants, or even Midnight in Paris, both superior films (I've seen The Artist once, not likely to ever watch it again)

The Bourne Legacy (2012)... I like Jeremy Renner, and he really makes this movie what it is.  Its hard to see a Bourne movie and not see Matt Damon as Jason Bourne, but Renner pulls it off (playing a contemporary, not Jason Bourne).  The addition of Ed Norton only makes it better

The Call (2013)... This is that WWE Studios film that has Halle Berry as a 911 operator and Abigail Breslin as a kid who gets kidnapped... and let me tell ya... I was expecting a pile of crap, and I got a pile of... well, decent filmmaking.  Its not as bad as you think, I promise.  I actually kinda liked it.  Probably gets my "Way Better Than I Expected" Award for 2013.

The Campaign (2012)... Its silly to say that The Campaign, with Zach Galifianakis and Will Ferrell, is silly.. but it is.  Its just silly.  There are better silly movies out there. 

Chronicle (2012)... Three students find a glowing rock from space, gain superpowers.  Its more about teenage angst with added powers more than anything... it starts strong, then kind of gets predictable. 

Coma (1978) ... Kinda creepy 70s thriller about a hospital program with sinister intentions, and the nurse that stumbles upon the truth.  A little dated, but worth a watch.

Death Race: Inferno (2012 )... Forgettable prequel to the revived Death Race franchise with Jason Statham.  Still, kinda fun, if not ridiculous in its premise.

Elysium (2013)... Sweeping and grand, its a sci/fi tale with a believable, bulky Matt Damon and Sharlto Copley as an awesome bad guy...  Jodie Foster co-stars, with some weird accent.

Everything Must Go (2010)... Will Ferrell in a semi-serious role about a guy who gets thrown out and ends up camping out on his own yard, befriend a black kid in the neighborhood to help him out.  Its a very underrated, and I'm afraid, forgotten film by now...

Extreme Measures (1996) ... Hugh Grant is a doctor who finds out that Gene Hackman, another doctor, is doing bad stuff and I don't remember the rest of it.  It's watchable, but not imperative.

Flight (2012)... from my review: "Its got language, its got tons of drug use, some boobies right off the bat, and a depressing downward spiral of a man who seems like a good man. A good man doing very bad things. Verdict? If you can handle it, its definitely worth a watch, just once. I'll probably never see it again."

Future World (1976)... Forgettable sequel to the far superior, and creepy, "Westworld" from 1973.

Gangster Squad (2013)... Good cast is wasted on what I thought was an overly ambitious movie. Tried to be more than it was. Eh.

Get the Gringo (2012)... Mel Gibson returns in this tale of corruption and so forth in a Mexican prison.  It got good reviews overall, but I personally found it lacking.

GI Joe: Retaliation (2013)... Not as silly as the first one, plus The Rock, makes it better. Not great, but passable.

Gone (2012) ... I love Amanda Seyfried, though I don't know why... her body of great work is being overshadowed by her body of crap work.  And this movie didn't help at all... and I'm really afraid to watch "Lovelace".

The Good Student (2006) ... I actually don't remember anything about this movie, or even who's in it, other than I think it was so-so

Grown Ups 2 (2013)... You really, really have to like the first one to enjoy this film. I mean, the cast is the same, save one (paging Schneider, Rob Schneider) who is not even alluded to in this one. Same
gags, same pointless storyline that goes nowhere. The first one is a guilty pleasure for me, and this one is much the same.

The Heat (2013)... Sandra Bullock AND Melissa McCarthy?  Instant classic.  In a Bridesmaids-type humor, this is a really funny flick, but full of language, 99%  of it from Melissa herself. 

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (2013)... Easily better than the first one, with an unbelievable dragon onscreen.  Still, its a long, long movie, and seems like it stops right as its really revving up.

Hugo (2011) ... Animated film directed by Martin Scorsese.  I wanted to like it.  I was bored. Really bored.

Intolerable Cruelty (2003) ... George Clooney and Catherine Zeta-Jones star in this Coen Brothers vehicle, probably one of their least acclaimed ones, though its kind of fun and clever.

Jack Reacher (2013)... Tom Cruise is in this phase where he is doing sci/fi action future film after sci/fi action future film... this one may not be set in the future, but its all about him being the mysterious hit man get-it-done cooler guy... and for what its worth, its pretty good.

Jeff Who Lives at Home (2011)... From my review: Expecting a comedy, I was quite surprised when I discovered it was more of a drama... a dramedy, if you will. And, I was also quite surprised how much I enjoyed this film... it all rests on the charm of Jason Segal, who pulls it off well.  Plus, its got Judy Greer, and I love me some Judy Greer.

Kick A** 2 (2013)... I liked the first one, and I liked the feel of this one... the addition of Jim Carrey was great, despite his whining about it afterwards.

Killing Them Softly (2012)... Brad Pitt is... something.  An assassin?  A hit man?   I saw this last week, and I don't remember much about it. It was that forgettable. 

The Last Stand (2013)... With Ah-nold headlining a film for the first time in forever, he really seems too old to do this kind of movie... and he kinda is.  And this doesn't work on any level.  Its stupid, its ridiculous, and its poorly written... yet, I was entertained.  Maybe its Johnny Knoxville, who knows, but I would say its worth a look.  Keep your standards low, and you won't be disappointed.

Lincoln (2012)... From my review: "Its definitely a talkie.. a lot of talking. A lot of talking. A lot. So, don't go into it sleepy, as you will lose yourself amongst the chatter of slavery and freedom and government and war. Even Danny D-Lewis' immaculate performance as Lincoln becomes secondary to the story after a while."

The Lone Ranger (2013)... A little longer than necessary, its not a bad movie... but Johnny Depp is what hurts this film the most. Here's my review from July.

Machete Kills (2013)... Takes the awesome, craptistic premise of the original and makes it more awesome and far more craptastic.

Major League 2: Back to the Minors (1998) ... Oy.  I mean... so bad.  So, so bad.

Man of Steel (2013)... Sigh. I wanted this to be so good. I wanted this to be good. I really did. Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, is Lois Lane, and I thought this film took Lois in a terrible direction. Amy did awesome, because she's Amy, but the character was terrible. Michael Shannon, normally a sure-thing in a movie, is wooden and reading from a cue card as Zod, the bad guy. Kevin Costner is a talking 2x4. Its overly long, and the ending climactic battle is great for the first, oh, 45 minutes of it... then you start realizing that two dudes, Zod and Supes, are pretty much destroying an entire city, more than the bad guys in Marvel's The Avengers in their final battle. I wanted to like it, I really did, and I promise, you, I tried.

Me, Myself & Irene (2000) ... My friends Amarylis By Mornin' and Hurricane Rhett live and die by this movie, telling me how hilarious it is, how much they laughed, how it was the funniest movie hahaha... and... my verdict?  Eh.  I laughed here and there.  But overall, it's just a mildly amusing. 

Moonrise Kingdom (2012)... Cute, but too quirky for its own good

Mud (2013)... Though I thought Matthew McConaughey was great, I didn't find this good movie to be the great, stellar film that so many critics did.  Seen it once, I'm done.

Olympus Has Fallen (2013)... The White House was in trouble with this one and the next film listed. Gerard Butler has to save President Aaron Eckhart, and this has much more of a serious tone.  Enjoyable.  But don't miss the next film, which is...

White House Down (2013)... This time, its Channing Tatum saving President Jamie Foxx, with a predictable twist on the identity of the bad guy.  More fun, due to Tatum and Foxx's snappy chemistry, though the plot isn't as good as the aforementioned Olympus. (out of alphabetical order, but I thought it fit well here)

Pacific Rim (2013)... Big Robots battling Monsters! There's a plot here somewhere (maybe?) but who cares. You don't watch this for plot, you watch it for big robots beating up monsters.

Parental Guidance (2012)... Billy Crystal and Bette Midler keep the grandkids for the weekend.  Hilarity ensues.  Well, attempted hilarity... they do try. 

The Place Beyond the Pines (2012)... Great performances by Bradley Cooper and Ryan Gosling, but was a little long and dragged a lot.

Presumed Innocent (1990)... Harrison Ford goes to Paris with his wife, and she ends up dead--naturally, he's the main suspect.  This film is fast paced, its clever and its worth a real watch... despite its age, it holds up well.

Project X (2012)... From my review: Don't watch this movie. Its a "found footage film" about a party
that gets way out of control... and I got through the first 10 minutes of it and couldn't deal with it.  So much language, so much drinking, just too much depravity at a too rapid pace.

Rock of Ages (2012)... The attention was on Tom Cruise as Stacee Jaxx, but the story is Julianne Hough and Diego Boneta, as rock star crossed lovers-to-be... the appeal is all the 80s music sung by the cast. Pretty good, better than I expected.

Savages (2012)... This is a tough flick, focusing on drug dealers who get caught up in the wrong sort of people... but I liked it.  A little too much violence and sex, but still, I thought it was great storytelling, if not a little too gritty.

Scarface (1983) ... Heralded as one of the all time great films, I tried three times to watch it.  I fell asleep all three times.  Once, I was actually tired. 

Skyfall (2012)... Solid James Bond movie.  I have never been a huge fan of James Bond--I don't dislike them, in fact, I've liked the ones I've seen, I've just never made it a point to watch them--but Daniel Craig really shines in this one.

Snow White Movie 1: Mirror Mirror (2012)... The ONLY reason I liked this movie was Lily Collins. Full review here.

Snow White Movie 2: Snow White and the Huntsman (2012)... One of a few reasons I didn't like this movie was Kristen Stewart. Full review here.

Taken 2: Qui Gon Boogaloo (2012)... Don't see this film.  See the first one. The first one is fantastic. This is the first one, just not as good.

Ted (2011)... Ted is a pot smoking, gettin' it on, drinking, cursing teddy bear, first belonging to, then rooming with Mark Wahlberg.  In every way, its wrong... but hilarious... but I have no interest in seeing it again.

Thats My Boy (2012)... From my review: "This film is not good. It has its funny moments every now and again, and the addition of Vanilla Ice as a major character, playing a parody (though its probably close to real life) of himself, is a major plus. Maybe more films should have Vanilla Ice in them."

A Time to Kill (1996)... Somehow, I missed this film when it came out... me being a John Grisham novel adaptation fan, I was excited to sit and watch it start to finish.  Its not perfect, but its well done.

Think Like a Man (2012)... Steve Harvey introduces and narrates this tale which, while not a great, or even good, film of any kind, its light and fun enough to pass as background noise, or even one of those "okay, nothing else is on, I can do this for a while" moments.

30 Minutes or Less (2011)...  Jesse Eisenberg and Aziz Ansari co-star with Danny McBride in this comedy about a dude who gets a bomb strapped to him by two dimwitted criminals in order to rob a bank.  Lame, not funny, and you'll be wishing the movie were over in less than 30 minutes.

Thor: The Dark World (2013)... Better than the first one, which wasn't bad, but is one of my least favorite Marvel flicks.  But we all know Loki is the real reason these films work.

Triple Dog (2010)... So this was on Lifetime... about three chicks at a slumber party investigating the suicide of another chick and... well, it was on, okay?!  Leave me a alone.

2 Guns (2013)... Mark Wahlberg AND Denzel?  Gold.  This won't win any awards, but its funny, its a solid action and its got some good story to it... a high re-watchability factor.

View from the Top (2003) ... Way back in the day, Gwyneth Paltrow starred alongside Christina Applegate and Mike Myers in a film about girls going to stewardess school.  If that description doesn't grab you, nothing will... this film is a turkey.  I laughed maybe once, twice, if that... then again, maybe not. 

Wanderlust (2012)... From my review: I wanted to like this movie alot, with Paul Rudd and Jennifer
Aniston, as a couple who ends up in a strange commune in Georgia. Mildly funny, but it wasn't what
I wanted it to be. Eh.

The Watch (2012) ... An ensemble cast of Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller, Jonah Hill and more star in comedy/sci-fi movie that had loads of potential, but seems wasted with bad jokes, a thin plot and the whole thing just falls apart as it goes along.

Wimbledon (2004) ... Paul Bettany and Kirsten Dunst, when she was relevant and awesome, find themselves in court.  In LOVE COURT.  In a love TENNIS COURT... Hey, these are the jokes.  Weak and forgettable.  The jokes and the movie.

The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)... Drugs.  506 F-words.  Boobs.  That's the entire movie.  Like most Scorsese films, I can say that I've seen it, I was entertained, it was a good enough movie... but I'll likely never watch it again.  As my friend Tommy Mac would say, "I watched American Hustle.  I was subjected to The Wolf of Wall Street."

The Wolverine (2013)... Honestly?  I liked the first Wolverine--I know that makes me in the vast minority... that being said, I thought this was one really well done... Hugh Jackman obviously loves playing Logan, as he keeps doing it... like RDJ's portrayal of Tony Stark/Iron Man, Logan is Jackman's character now...

So.... there ya go.  Did you make it this far?  Its okay if you didn't, I won't be upset... what do you think?  Disagree with anything I said? 

Keep checking back... more of the best of 2013 is coming soon, including the best movies of the year, books read in 2013, and my favorite posts of 2013...

(8,884 words so far in #500words per day challenge, 11,116 words to go for #20KinJanuary)

my favorite albums... 100 to 91

Didja read the intro?  Do that first.

And now... drumroll please... my 100 favorite albums of all time...

100
"Found a Place" by FFH (2000)... Poppy and light, but still a great devotional/worship album.  Be it a catchy tune about having the faith of "Daniel", or a prayer to be used however He sees fit, like in "Lord Move or Move Me", every song is a great devotion.  My favorite is the simple praise song "Be My Glory"... check that one out on iTunes, if nothing else.


99
"Forever Your Girl" by Paula Abdul (1989)... Nowadays, Paula Abdul is somewhat of a punchline.  Somewhat strange, flaky, rambling, a bubble of fluff and rainbows when she appeared on American Idol for what seemed like forever ago.  But back in the day, she was a hot dancer who became a hot singer who sang awesome stuff like "Opposites Attract", with some dude named MC Scat Cat.  She did a video where she had a romance with an animated, smoking cat!  And she was praised for it!  I love this CD.  My favorite cut is the title track, "Forever Your Girl".

98
"Cocktail" Original Motion Picture Soundtrack (1988)... My cousins Shannon and Frankie Jr, and his girlfriend at the time, were down from Virginia with family visiting us in Samson, Alabama, and the four of us decided to go to the movies.  Now, this is in Enterprise, Alabama, where you go to the Clark Cinemas--whichever movie you want, that's the window you went to.  Want this film, go to the left, want that film, go to the right, with the concession stand in the middle.  That night, Shannon and I went to see "Hot to Trot", with Bobcat Goldthwait and Frankie Jr and his chick went to see "Cocktail".  After our movies were over, we met in the parking lot.  Frankie Jr raved about "Cocktail", so we all went to see it.  Mine and Shannon's second film of the night, their 2nd time viewing the movie.  And at the time, I thought the movie was awesome.  Now?  Eh. Its okay, I guess.

The soundtrack is rollicking, though.  Its known for two main songs:  Bobby McFerrin's "Don't Worry, Be Happy" and the love it or hate it "Kokomo" by The Beach Boys, which subsequently led to a reunion and a new tour and John Stamos on drums.  No, I'm not kidding.

But the real gems are the covers of "All Shook Up" by Ry Cooder, and the original "Tutti Frutti" by Little Richard.  It also features John Cougar Mellencamp, Starship and a bombastic Fabulous Thunderbirds on "Powerful Stuff"... my favorite of the bunch, though, is the "Hippy Hippy Shake" by the Georgia Satellites, which sometimes runs through my head when I'm rockin' at the espresso bar at Starbucks. 

97
"Third Day" by Third Day (1996)... At the beginning of my huge Christian music fandom, and what I consider the growing-up of the CCM industry, there was a band out of Atlanta that emerged.  They released this album with a bus on the front, and called it "Third Day"... this was after a few years of playing around the area, growing the fandom and releasing a few indie albums.  They have release 8 studio albums and 2 worship CDs since then, but to me, their first is by far the best.  It kicks off with "Nothing at All", then continues the bluesy rock with songs like "Blackbird", "Consuming Fire", and maybe the most well known from this CD, "Thief".  My favorite is "Take My Life", a soft, worship tune that I first heard when my frat brother Jason White strummed it on guitar.

96
"Momentum" by Toby Mac (2001)... Not sure that dcTalk will ever unite.  Makes me sad. That being said, Toby Mac is awesome.  Christian rap and hip hop sometimes gets a bad... well, rap... because... well... its usually awful.  I mean, most rap is awful, and Christian rap isn't much different.  But Toby Mac somehow makes it work.   And on "Momentum", there are shades of dcTalk all through, but it comes alive when you have guests like Kirk Franklin and GRITS join up.  My favorite track by far is "Irene", but mostly because we did a dance to that song when I did missions in New York City in 2002.  That ruled.

95
"Greatest Hits" by New Kids on the Block (2008)... Now, I know what you are going to say.  What is that doing on your list.  I know, I know... but I chose to put Greatest Hits and compilations on this list because yes, they are albums, and yes, they are albums I like.  There are several GH on this list, including 2 box sets, and even a few live albums.

What?  You meant "Why are the New Kids on this list?"  Well, because in high school, as a dude, I wasn't allowed to like them.  But as a grown up, I think its probably okay.  And I like this CD--it saves me from having to actually get any of their other stuff.  "Hangin' Tough", "Step by Step", "I'll Be Lovin' You (forever)"... take a listen, they aren't bad.  My favorite?  "Tonight"

94
"Dirty Dancing" Original Motion Picture Soundtrack (1987)... Talk about an album to know by heart.  Glancing at the track listing for this record, I know every word to Eric Carmen's "Hungry Eyes"... every word to Bruce Channel's "Hey Baby!"... and all the cheesy notes to Mickey & Sylvia's "Love is Strange".  And, of course, "(I've had) The Time of My Life" with Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes.  My favorite is "Be My Baby" by The Ronettes.

93
"Songs You Know By Heart: Jimmy Buffett's Greatest Hit(s)" by Jimmy Buffett (1985)... Its hard to believe that all of these songs were before 1985--in fact, they are all from 1973 to 1979.  And yeah, if you are familiar with Buffett at all, you'll know "Cheeseburger in Paradise" and "Fins" and The Lovely Steph Leann's favorite, "Come Monday"... and of course, "Margaritaville", my favorite from the set.

92
"La Bamba" Original Motion Picture Soundtrack (1987)... from a movie in my Top 500, I freakin' loved La Bamba when it came out.  The story of Richie Valens, starring Lou Diamond Phillips, it chronicles the rise of Valens, his stardom and his death, "The day the music died", in a plane crash with The Big Bopper and Buddy Holly.  The music in this movie should have its own credit in the cast list.  TexMex rockers Los Lobos provided all the songs for Valens, and are featured here on the first half of the album--"Donna", "Come On Let's Go", and "La Bamba" included.  The last half is also great, with covers of Buddy Holly's "Crying, Waiting, Hoping", Brian Setzer's version of "Summertime Blues" and the original Bo Diddley classic, "Who Do You Love".  But its the Jackie Wilson cover of "Lonely Teardrops" by Howard Huntsberry that stands out for me.

91
"Breathless" by Kenny G (1992)... Oh, come on.  In 1992, I liked it.  And guess what?  Its 12x platinum--it sold over 12,000,000 copies.  So, back off.

AND ONE THAT DIDN'T MAKE IT...
The problem with cutting it to 100 is there are still so many albums to talk about... so here's one that I loved, but didn't quite make the list:

"The Greatest Hits" by INXS (1994)... Once again, rather than buying all the CDs, I found it easier to just get this one.  And am I glad I did... "Suicide Blonde" with that opening riff... "What You Need" rocks... "Need You Tonight" is fun to sing... and "Beautiful Girls" is awesome.  It loses points though because it doesn't include the cool "Mediate"...

Coming soon... the next 10 favorite albums of all time... including something a little Weird... our first TV soundtrack... and finally, a real, hard rock album...

the 100 coolest things of 2011... 40 to 11

What's this... two posts in two days?  Its like... its like... its like we are going back to the old days of the blog... frequent postings.. lots of randomness... sometimes funny... okay, maybe never funny, but at least the attempt is there...

How about more of 2011...

The Lovely Steph Leann crossing one of the bridges.  While I shook it.

40... The Wild Africa Trek... Pay some money, go backstage at Animal Kingdom, find yourself hiking through the backwoods, crossing rickety rope bridges, then harnessed in and hanging over crocodile pools and hippo pools.

39... Panera Mac & Cheese... Bar none, best macaroni and cheese you will find at any restaurant. Great stuff.

38... "Winnie the Pooh"... this is how Winnie the Pooh should be. Director John Lassiter said that Pooh belonged to all of us, not just the toddler audience that Disney had put Pooh and the gang into. Great film, great laughs, animation is wonderful and its a twinge of nostalgia.

37... The Epcot Pin Event... Our first and only pin event, located at Epcot, with pin boards and books and trading and special access to special pins and so on. Its pretty intense.

36... Cracked.com... one of the best humor sites you'll find online.

35... The Stampers... our friends David and Carlie Stamper. We love these guys, and they are great people.

34... "Onward" by Howard Schultz... Written by the CEO of Starbucks, its the account of the last six or seven years of the company, where Starbucks was, and where the company is going, especially after all the store closings in 2008. I like the book for the fact that Schultz doesn't pull any punches, and doesn't blame anyone else but himself and the team for the downfalls... and credit goes to the same team for the revival.

33... The Celebrity Apprentice... What a train wreck this show is, always.

Us and our segways, in the Italy Pavilion

32... The Epcot Segway Tour... There aren't many ways to better spend a crisp, cool February morning than riding around Epcot's World Pavilion for two hours on a segway.

31... "Real Steel"... Wasn't sure I wanted to see this movie at all, as it looked like a big screen version of Rock'em Sock'em Robots... yet, this turned out to be one of the most heartfelt movies I'd seen in a while. Yes, there are fighting robots in this film, but that takes a backseat to what the real plotline is, that being the relationship between a father (Colin Firth Club member Hugh Jackman) and a son (Dakota Goyo) and their reconciliation over those same fighting robots... including an old relic named Atom.

30... The Adjustment Bureau... A pretty good movie that I really enjoyed for the mere fact that I was able to write this article...

29... "The War for Late Night" by Bill Carter... What a great book. It recaps the crazy year or so when NBC brought in Conan O'Brien to take Jay Leno's place on The Tonight Show... then how NBC brought Jay back in prime time, ruined Conan's Tonight Show ratings, fired Conan, then brought Jay back to The Tonight Show, all while Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel and others watched from the sidelines. Well written, and showing a side of all the main players that you wouldn't expect, including Jay Leno's tendency to be a... well, a jerk. Who'da thunk it?

28... The Rock Returns... Yes, I watch WWE, and yes, I wigged out when The Rock made his fateful return after being gone for years. Yes, I can smell what the Rock. Is cooking.

27.. "Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol... Perhaps the best Mission Impossible film since the first one--its fun, its exciting and its well done. Complete review here.

26... Hoarders... What the what? Have you seen this show? Its insane. People are pack rats to the ultimate extreme... dolls... toys... clothes... cars... dead animals... all found in the midst, and within--sometimes under--tons of possessions. Yet, the show is addicting, its mesmerizing, and at the least, it makes you realize that your house isn't all that bad. Or, it makes you realize that maybe your house is headed that direction.

25... Rob Murray... we miss you, my friend.

24... 11/22/1963... Sometimes Stephen King throws you for a loop. Instead of a vampire infested town, or a rabid, maniacal dog, what if the story itself was a random diner that had a portal, a time portal, that took you back to 1958? And what if you could stop the JFK assassination from happening? All questions answered, at least from one perspective, in this novel that I finished in days... starts a little slow, but keeps you coming back over and over.

23... Triple H vs The Undertaker... Brilliant match between two WWE legends. Should have highlighted WrestleMania.

22... "Crazy Stupid Love"... Every year, there is one movie that I didn't expect to love and I end up adoring... last year, it was "Easy A". This year, its "Crazy Stupid Love". Starring Steve Carrell, Ryan Gosling, and a 1-2-3 punch of Julianne Moore, Marisa Tomei and Emma Stone, its smart and funny, and unlike some of the other films on this list, I've watched this over and over on cable. Meaning, the re-watchability of this film is very high.

21... Tim Tebow... Tebow! Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow (tebow, tebow... tebow) Tebow Tebow...

TEBOW: Tebow, Tebow, Tebow, Tebow

Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow. Tebow, Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow, Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow Tebow!

Purchased for about $3

20... The Billy Joel Collection... Visiting 2nd and Charles, a local used book and CD shop, my Billy Joel Collection was expanded considerably... for about 25 bucks, I added, among others, "52nd Street", "The Bridge", "Turnstiles", "Songs in the Attic", "Glass Houses", "Storm Front", "River of Dreams" and "An Innocent Man"... that's a lot of Billy Joel, and that's really cool.

19... Pastor Calvin... After close to 30 years at Valleydale Baptist Church turned Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship), Pastor Calvin Kelly decided to step down. Oh, there was some silly little something, and I say "silly" and I mean "silly", lest you think I'm being sarcastic, but either way, he is a good man, a good Christ Follower and I'm proud of him for following where God leads him and his family.

18... Disneyland... 2 free park tickets + 2 free airline tickets + Marriott Rewards Free Hotel Stay = a trip to Anaheim to visit Disneyland Park and California Adventure. Now, there isn't enough time to go into all of the trip, but one of our favorite attractions was...

17... The Wonderful World of Color... A water based show on the lagoon at California Adventure, its full of light, color and imagination, and its just cool.

16... The New Star Tours... So, when I was in Disneyland, I read on Twitter that they were doing testing for the brand new Star Tours--remember, this is May 2011--so I kept checking for when I might be able to get in. Finally, I saw they were accepting "Annual Passholders", and being such, I hoped to get to ride it... of course, I was a Walt Disney World passholder, not a Disneyland Passholder, there is a difference.

The Lovely Steph Leann, only 3 or 4 months pregnant at that time, was unable to ride then... so I went alone, and made it to the Star Tours attraction. Of course, my WDW Pass wouldn't get me in, but I noticed a Cast Member working with another gentleman's fast passes... I asked him if there was any way I could get to ride, and he nodded and said, "Come with me". So he escorted the other gentleman and myself past the long, winding line and straight to the entrance of the building... and it was awesome. The ride was awesome.

15... "I Can't Even Walk (Without You Holding My Hand)" by Justin Fisher... My boy JustFish is a story teller. Some of his stories are a bit long winded, some are right on the money, most are hilarious, all are sincere. This is a book of stories, one after another, about his struggle and life with cerebral palsy, and the blessings God has given him through such a handicap. He's just a good dude.

14... The Muppets Soundtrack... its the awesome music to the awesome movie called...

13... "The Muppets"... What an awesome film. I mean, straight up fantastic. Of course, this is someone who grew up on the Muppets, has the series on DVD, has all the movies on DVD (except for "Muppet Treasure Island"... I just can't get into that one) and have loved Kermit & the gang for years. Plus, toss in Jason Segel, and Amy Adams (whom I'm in love with) and you've got a great movie on your hands. Even the bizarre rap song by Chris Cooper somehow works in this film. Sort of.

12... October Disney... went in October. Loved it. (the trip was over a year ago, so I'm a little fuzzy on the specifics of this trip...)

11... "Walt Disney" by Neal Gabler... This book is a behemoth... and its filled with dates and names and times and things that are very detailed about the life, both personal and professional, of Walt Disney, creator of Mickey Mouse and those Magic Kingdoms that bear his name. If you want a light telling of his life, this is not the book for you. But if you want the details, the minutiae, the backstories behind the stories, then pick this one up. I loved every page, and look forward to reading it again.

And for your weekend... finally... The Top Ten Coolest Things of 2011... you don't want to miss it as we wrap up then, and start working on just now...

Ethan Hunt Runs Funny, and Alot (aka, MI4)

When I'd heard that they were doing a 4th MI movie, I was a little worried.  The first film, simply titled "Mission: Impossible", was awesome.  The scene where Jean Reno's character is lowering a harnessed Ethan Hunt into a secure room to get the secret files (aren't they always secret files?  and they used to be on a floppy disk!) is one of the most intense, enjoyable, well executed scenes in action moviedom.



The second film wasn't all that great for me, while JJ Abrams' take on the series, MI3, was passable, if not pretty good.

"Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol" surpasses the 3rd film, far surpasses the 2nd film, and in some ways, beats the first one.  I daresay that MI4GP might be the best of the entire series, and I don't say that lightly, because again, I really enjoyed the first one.

I like Tom Cruise.  He features prominently in not one, not two, but three of my 100 favorite films... "A Few Good Men" (25th)... "Minority Report" (36th)... and "Jerry Maguire" (87th)... and on The Dave250 list, he's got a few more, like "Collateral" (102nd, though upon further examination, this might end up in The Dave100)... "The Firm" (152nd)... and of course, the original "Mission Impossible", listed as my 246th favorite film of all time.

Of course, I do love Fun Tom Cruise, like I discussed in my review of "Knight and Day", and I think in MI4, action Tom Cruise merges with Fun Tom Cruise, making Ethan Hunt's return much welcome.

Ethan leads off with his team, this time with tech nerd Benji (an impish Simon Pegg, picking up where his young Scotty in "Star Trek" left off), Jane (Paula Patton who I'll get to in a minute) and agent turned desk jockey turned agent Brandt (Jeremy Renner) who, as they always do, has something to hide, something that's revealed later in the film...

The Kremlin is all blowed up and the IMF team is blamed, then "disavowed" from the US government.  Essentially, they have no back up, no support, no help, and are now on the run from those wanting to arrest them and bring them in.  As they try to clear their name, they travel the Middle East from Moscow to Dubai, getting involved with nuclear codes and Russki bad guys--and I'm so happy that we have Russians as the bad guys again, like in every 80s action movie ever, and like those movies, the Russkies have nuclear codes!

There is a vicious sandstorm to deal with, Ethan Hunt runs alot, great fight sequences, and an incredible scene where Ethan is using power-adhesive gloves to stick to the outside of a window near the top of one of the tallest buildings in the entire world.

Hey MI5 filmmakers... we need Luther in a prominent role

My two faults with the movie are simply this... I think Paula Patton is a good actress, as noted in my review of "Just Wright" and "Jumping the Broom", but my problem--and this is me, not her acting--is that I've seen her in a few movies playing the spoiled princessy brat chick.  Its hard watching her make a transition to action star.  Every time she talks to a member of the IMF team, I pictured her cozying up to Common.

Secondly, where the heck is Ving Rhames?  His character of Luther was a mainstay in this franchise!  I'm not going to spoil it for you and say he is or is not in the film, but we should have lots of Luther.

Overall, this is a great movie, and more importantly for a movie like this, its a FUN movie.  One of my favorite ten films of 2011.  Loved it.

The 68th Annual Golden Globes

This is a week late, but I did want to post it finally... our computer was down until mid-week, and because American Idol came on, I never got it up.  So, here is the running diary of the Golden Globes...

So, this is being typed on a Word Document, while nibbling on some Papa John’s. The lovely Steph Leann is on the other couch, also nibbling on pizza, and we are set to watch the whateverth annual Golden Globes Awards… 68th, as Ricky Gervais just said!

7p… Ricky Gervais is out, and onto his monologue, which is usually all about the celebrities, with zingers and jabs tossed freely. First up, Charlie Sheen, of course. And now its onto “The Tourist”, insulting it, as Johnny Depp looks on from the audience. Next to “Sex in the City 2”, and then to gay Scientologists (I can only assume he is jabbing Tom Cruise and John Travolta)… yeah!

705p… The first award, presented by Scarlett Johansson!  I’m not a ScarJo loyalist, but she looks great tonight. The award is Supporting Actor in a Movie. Noms including Chrisitan Bale, Edward Garfield, Geoffrey Rush, Mike Douglas and someon else I didn't catch before the winner was announced.

The winner is? Christian Bale for “The Fighter”… this is the first award out of many he’s going to get from now until Oscar season, when he wins the Supporting Oscar actor. Its weird hearing him talking in his regular British accent, cause I’m so used to hearing him be deep and throaty Bruce Wayne, and loud and obnoxious in The Fighter. It also stars Amy Adams, whom I’m in love with.

709p… Here’s LL Cool J and Julie Bowen for lead actress in a TV Drama. And the winner? Katie Segal for “Sons of Anarchy”. Never seen the show, but I’ve heard its intense, awesome and manly. Camera cuts to Ed O’Neill who is clapping and smiling for Katie’s win. Very cool.

716p… And now here’s Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey… Julianne has a horrible dress, and likely no bra. Shame. Best TV Movie/Mini-Series. The Pacific is nominated and I’m guessing its going to win.. though “Temple Grandin” is also nominated. Tough. And the winner? “Carlos” wins, whatever the heck that is.

While the Hispanic director is talking in the broken English, I’ll point out that every year, the person who helps present the awards is called “Miss Golden Globe”, and it’s a chick who is the daughter of a prominent actor or actress. This year’s Miss Golden Globe is Gia Mantegna, who is the daughter of actor Joe Mantegna… she looks a lot like him, but she’s beautiful, so go figure.

720p… Ricky is back up. There is confusion on stage, as the Mexican crew scatters, unsure where to go from there. Ricky then says, “you know this next actor from such films as…” and he goes on to name some horrendous films like “Hudson Hawk” and “Mercury Rising”… Ricky says, “And here is Ashton Kutcher’s dad, Bruce Willis!”

Bruce walks out with a smirk, introducing a film nominated for Best Comedy or Musical, that being “Red”… which was a fun, fun movie.

722p… From “Country Strong”, which is a movie I have no desire to see, here are two people that I don’t care about… Best Supporting Actor in a Series/Mini-Series/Movie. I’m rooting for Scott Caan, but I’m thinking the Extremely Gay Chris Colfer from Glee will get it.

And the winner is? The Extremely Gay Chris Colfer. And to me, its because he’s as gay as a football bat. The Lovely Steph Leann defends him, saying, “Well, maybe, but its also because he’s so awesome!”. No, its because he’s a flamer. Matter of fact, I’m surprised he’s not kissing a guy right now.  Lea Michelle is crying, which is actually kinda sweet.  Not as sweet at Chris Colfer, mind you, but still...

My prediction? You’ll hear some magazine, website or the like tell us that Chris Colfer’s win was important for the gay community.

Here is Michelle, circa 1989, from "The Fabulous Baker
Boys"... by the way, an absolutely fabulous drama.

729p… Michelle Pfieffer comes out… let me tell ya, back in the day, she was The Stuff. Back in the late 80s, early 90s, she was everything that Angelina Jolie is today, and more. Michelle was amazing. She still looks great. She’s introducing the next Best Comedy Movie nominee, “Alice in Wonderland”.

731p… Eva Longoria, sans Parker, almost fell. She usually looks great, but tonight she looks especially classy. Its like he was saying “Hey Tony… check this out. You had this. But you lost it. Sucka.” Tony, you’re a friggin’ idiot.

The president of The Hollywood Foreign Press comes out, and his name is Philip Berk. I immediately think of the obnoxious guy I knew in college named Philip Burke. He was a Lambda Chi Alpha, and I think student body president at one time. But this guy is not that Philip Burke—though that would be funny.

733p… Kevin Bacon and Milla Jovavich is giving the award for Best Drama Series. Actors from Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Dexter and House are nominated as usual, along with Steve Buscemi from “Boardwalk Empire”… and Steve wins. I thought that show was great… but it’s a little too much. Too much sex, too much violence, the language is horrible, and I just couldn’t get into it. But it’s a well done show, and its cool to see That Guy Hall of Famer Steve Buscemi get himself an award. He says, “Im going to talk fast, before that sad music comes on!”

737p… And here’s are the Best Drama nominees… Boardwalk Empire, Dexter, The Good Wife, Mad Men, The Walking Dead… and the winner? Boardwalk Empire. I do eventually want to see Dexter, The Good Wife and The Walking Dead, which are all on the list to watch on DVD. And I’ve got Mad Men coming on Netflix.

Can’t believe they are doing the Best Drama already! And Mark Wahlberg is on stage? He is in this show? What did I miss?

743p… Andrew Garfield, himself a nominee for “The Social Network”, is out to introduce… well, “The Social Network”… he stumbled over the teleprompter, eliciting a few laughs. By the way, “The Social Network”? One of the five best movies of last year, I gotta say.

745p… Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are out to present Original Song, after some horribly written banter that they awkwardly read from the teleprompter. Burlesque is nominated twice—I’ve been hearing that is a awful movie. The song from Tangled is nominated, but doesn’t win. “You Haven’t Seen The Last of Me” from Burlesque wins, and The Lovely Steph Leann is disappointed it wasn’t “See The Light” from "Tangled".

749p… And Alec and J-Lo comes back up to give out Original Score. Danny Elfman’s “Alice in Wonderland” is nominated, and I thought that music was brilliant. Inception is also nominated, and that movie’s music is fantastic. The winner? Trent Reznor for “The Social Network”, and I can’t complain, because it did set a great tone for that film. Nine Inch Nails now has a Golden Globe.

755p… The young chick from "True Grit" comes out—she was amazing in that film—and Justin Bieber—I’ll refrain from the jokes—comes out with her to give out the award for Best Animated Film. I’m guessing "Toy Story 3" will take this, but I’m fearful that “How to Train Your Dragon” will be the dark horse. I wouldn’t have a problem with "Tangled" winning this, but I don’t know how "Toy Story 3" can’t win.

And the winner? "Toy Story 3", in one of the least shocking wins of the whole night. The director comes up, and takes the award, and turns to Hallie Steinfeld and The Beebs and says, “Were you two even born when the first one came out?” to which they both just smirk at him.

759p… Ricky says, “I love this guy, star of 'Kiss Kiss Bang Bang', 'Two Guys and Girl', 'Bowfinger'… I’m sorry, are these porn films?”  Then he makes the obligatory "RDJ spent time in prison" joke that always comes around when RDJ makes an appearance.

And of course, its Robert Downey Jr! He has gone from cool to jerk to cool again in his career. And he gives a hilarious monologue on the nominees about how, in his career, he’s gotten with everyone one of them… and when he gets to young Emma Stone, its fantastic. Award for Best Actress Comedy or Musical. I’m afraid Annette Bening or Julianne Moore will get it for The Kids are Alright, because that movie was horrific. Annette Bening gets it.

Chris Colfer is somewhere in the back shouting “Hooray For Gay!”

I haven't done a review yet, but "The
Fighter" was a great film.  Great story, great
acting, and Amy Adams, whom I'm in love
with.

809p… Sylvester Stallone comes out. Lets see how much we can understand. He’s here to introduce a film for Best Movie Drama, “The Fighter”, starring Golden Globe winner Christian Bale, Marky Mark sans Funky Bunch and Amy Adams, whom I’m in love with.

811p… Tilda Swinton comes out with Geoffrey Rush, and I gotta say, Tilda Swinton is one of the most unattractive chicks ever, with an eccentric fashion style. Eccentric means terrible. Heres the award for Best Actor in TV Movie/Mini-Series. Winner is Al Pacino for the Jack Kavorkian story, “You Don’t Know Jack”. Wanted to see it.  And Al talks.  And talks.  And talks.  Aaaand talks.

815p… My guess is the guy starting the Wrap Up Music is about to push the button, and someone who makes more than him says, “Dude! No! That’s AL PACINO! You don’t wrap up Al Pacino!” And they didn’t.

Up next, Actress for TV Movie/Mini-Series. Claire Danes wins for “Temple Grandin”, which she won the Emmy for as well. I’ve never seen the film, and really don’t expect to either—not that I don’t think its great, but it just doesn’t interest me—but its supposed to be an awesome film. Its right up The Lovely Steph Leann’s alley, so she can see it, and I’m sure she’ll tell me how great it is when she sees it on The Hallmark Channel or The Hallmark Movie Channel.

823p… Zac Efron is out now to introduce “The Kids are Alright” as a nominee for Best Comedy or Musical. I’m thinking this will win. Why? Because its gay.

825p… Ricky tells us that Tina Fey and Steve Carell are coming out, but not before dissing on Steve for leaving The Office after this season, “killing that cash cow for both of us!” The award is Best Screenplay. Tina: Here’s a movie that ruined our ability to interact with one another… Steve: I heard about that film on Facebook from a friend I’ve never met.

The winner? Aaron Sorkin for “The Social Network”. Its based on a book called “The Accidental Billionaires” by Ben Mezrich, who also wrote “Bringing Down the House: The Inside Story of Six M.I.T. Students Who Took Vegas for Millions”, which was made into the Kevin Spacey movie called "21".  Book is good, "21" was okay. I plan on downloading The Accidental Billionaires next month as my Audible.com selection.

829p… Chris Helmsworth, the new Thor, and Chris Evans, the new Captain America, are giving out the award for Best Actress in a TV Series, Mini or Movie.   Their banter is terrible.  Why am I not a writer at one of these shows?   Take me, Scotty Latta and Hurricane Rhett, and I guarantee the jokes would be funnier than anything you've ever heard in your life.  Ever.

And the old lady they cut to when announcing Julia Stiles for “Dexter” was NOT Julia Stiles. The winner, though, is Jane Lynch for Glee… she also won an Emmy for this last September.  And Lea Michelle is crying.  That's... well, it is kinda sweet again, I guess.  Not as sweet at Chris Colfer, but still...

836p… Ricky introduces Olivia Wilde and Robert Pattinson, saying, “Here to present an award that no one in America cares about, the Best Foreign Film!” He’s right. Denmark’s “In a Better World” wins, and I really could care less.

838p… Out comes the most attractive 93 year old in America—no, not Betty White—it’s Helen Mirren! She’s out to announce the nomination of “The King’s Speech”, starring the president of The Colin Firth Club, that being Colin Firth himself…

Okay, so what is The Colin Firth Club? We’ve discussed this before, but I feel like we’re getting new readers all the time (wishful hoping?) so I thought I’d explain again… It’s a small group of actors and musicians that The Lovely Steph Leann finds herself a little hot for. Whilst I have my Amy Adams, whom I’m in love with, The Goddess, Reese Witherspoon, Kristen Chenoweth, Martina McBride, Lesley Mann and Kate Winslet, she has The Colin Firth Club.

The Lovely Steph Leann would never cheat on me. If Jake Gyllenhaal ever propositioned my wife, I am positive she’d say, “Yeah, thanks, I’m honored, but no. I gotz a man.” Then he’d say, “What yo’ man got to do with me?” and she’d say, “I ain’t try to hear that, see!” I’m Positive (K)!

However comma

If Colin Firth propositioned The Lovely Steph Leann, I’m pretty sure she’d say no. She’d hesitate. She’d probably give it a few seconds, and maybe flush and stammer, but ultimately she’d say no. Other guys that would elicit this reaction include Hugh Jackman, Bradley Whitford (in West Wing days, not so sure now), Patrick Dempsey, Hugh Grant and Jon Bon Jovi. Thus, The Colin Firth Club.

840p… Vanessa Williams and Blair Underwood, two extremely attractive people no matter the color, are here to announce the award for Best Actress in a TV Series. The winner is Laura Linney for The Big C… what can top gaydom? Cancer! If there was movie with a gay guy with cancer, its sweeping these awards.

846p… Here comes Jane Fonda! Screen legend! Have you ever seen any of her movies? She doesn’t have much on her resume. Yet, she’s a screen legend. And she’s here to show off “Burlesque”, a nominee for Best Comedy or Musical.

847p… Two people I don’t know are announcing Best Actor in Comedy or Musical Series… the winner is Jim Parsons from “The Big Bang Theory”, which is a show that I’ve never seen, but I’m hearing that this show is getting better and better as the years go on.

850p… Jeremy Irons is giving out the Best Supporting Actress in a Movie, and sounds almost like a Jeremy Irons imitation, though he’s actually him. Amy Adams, whom I’m in love with, is nominated for The Fighter, but it goes to the other chick in the film, Melissa Leo. And really, she kinda deserves it, because her part was great.

Just saw a McDonald’s commercial that features a guy coming through the drive thru, whispering his order, and continuing to lap the building without stopping. The somewhat attractive and seemingly smart young chick behind the drive thru mic is confused. He whispers into the speaker again as he drives by slowly. The young chick glances in the backseat as he rides by and sees a baby. The third time he rolls around and whispers, she whispers back his order, and its all sweet and cute and such. Do do do da doooo… I’m lovin’ it.



There are a number of falsehoods in this commercial.


First, I’m sure there are pretty people that work at McDonald’s, somewhere, somehow, so that’s not an issue. But the fact that she’s understandable is unrealistic.


Secondly, no one whispers in that drive thru. Right off the bat, you get a really clear voice that says in a perky voice, “Hi, would you like to try (insert whatever they are promoting at the time)!?” You think, “Ah, someone understandable!” and you say, “No thank you, but I would like to get (insert what nutritional combination you actually do want)".  A pause.  Then you get some chick who can barely talk intelligently, and has a tendancy to start speaking before she hits the drive thru mic button, and then turns the mic off before she's done talking... you hear "...getta number four and what you want to dr..." in a loud voice.

What happened to the pleasant voice you heard first??  Ah... it was a recording.  It was a a tease, thinking you'll have an understandable drive thru experience.  Then you realize... this ain't Starbucks.

So that commercial is full of crap.   

858p… Matt Damon is out to give the Cecil B. DeMille Award to Robert DeNiro… gotta tell ya, Robert DeNiro IS a screen legend. Who cares about Jane Fonda? DeNiro has done some incredible films, but has also done some real, real crap.

My favorite Bobby DeNiro films include “Midnight Run”, #56 on The Dave100… “Heat”, #87 on The Dave100… “Goodfellas”… “Casino”… “Untouchables”... and yeah, he was pretty funny in “Analyze This”. And no, I didn’t like “Analyze That”, or any other feature where the characters are named “Focker”.

Like all actors, he’s made some turkeys, including “The Fan”, “The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle”, “A Shark Tale” and “Showtime”. And I tried to watch “Ronin” three different times… couldn’t get into it. The car chase was spectacular, as its been hyped to be, but the movie couldn’t keep me interested after that.

Robert DeNiro is an actor that everyone loves, and there’s a huge ovation that lasts for several minutes. He quips that “I’m glad this award was announced two months ago, well before you had time to review ‘Little Fockers’” which gets an uncomfortable laugh from the audience. He also says that “Awakenings” was one of his favorites. Anyway, I’m glad it went to Bobby DeNiro instead of someone I'm barely aware of.

913p… Megan Fox comes out, and I’m still unimpressed. Someone is who is completely overrated and overhyped is fittingly announcing an overrated and overhyped film, “The Tourist”.

914p… Annette Bening comes out to give the Best Director Award. As I thought, David Fincher for “The Social Network” takes the prize. Its kinda of surprising, though, that such a mainstream film has been taking so many awards and such. Fincher is also the director of The Dave100 film “Se7en”, as well as “Benjamin Button” and “Fight Club”.

917p… Jimmy Fallon and the smoldering January Jones come out to give out the award for Best TV Series Music or Comedy, in another bit of awkward banter. And The Lovely Steph Leann squeals in delight as Glee picks up the award for Best TV Comedy/Musical Series. At least the show has Jayma Mays, who I kinda think is pretty… not tonight, but usually.

923p… And here’s Alicia Keys to tell us about “Black Swan.” I am not sure if I want to see this movie or not… part of me does, but part of me figures it will be like “Brokeback Mountain”, that is, I should see it because of all the nominations, but once Oscar time rolls around and passes us by, I can skip it.

925p… Halle Berry comes out to give the Best Actor in Comedy or Musical Award, to which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti gets the award for “Barney’s Version”, a film that I know soooo little about.

932p… Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who might be the coolest cat in any movie in 2010, is out to tell us about “Inception”, which to me was the best movie of 2010. I loved every single thing about this movie. The fight scene in the hallway with JGL was amazing.

933p… Jeff Bridges, who Hollywood loves like crazy right now, comes out to give out the Best Actress in a Drama Movie. Right before they announce Natalie Portman’s name, I say it out loud. And then Jeff Bridges says, “Natalie Portman, Black Swan.”

937p… Wow, we haven’t seen Ricky Gervais in like, an hour. He spends 45 seconds introducing Tom Hanks, then says, “the other guy is… Tim Allen…” Here’s the award for Best Comedy or Musical… and The Kids are Alright is probably going to win.



Julianne Moore and her offending dress

The winner is? The Kids are Alright. Yep. Its Award Day To Be Gay.
The Lovely Steph Leann pipes up, “Her [Julianne Moore] dress is horrific! I cannot get over that!”

946p… Ricky comes out and introduced Sandra Bullock… with quite an intro. Funny stuff. Here is the award for Best Actor Movie Drama… The Lovely Steph Leann is rooting for her Colin Firth… and when he wins, she shouts “YEESS!!!!”, with her arm in the air.

So, I expect Colin Firth to win the Oscar, though a Jesse Eisenberg win for “The Social Network” wouldn’t shock me… though I’m guessing that Colin Firth will get the one award given to recognize The Kings Speech, so The Social Network can pick up everything else… and Jesse Eisenberg loses out.

953p… During the commercial break, I looked up at The Lovely Steph Leann and asked, “What’s left?” She thinks, and says, “Drama TV?” I replied, “Boardwalk Empire.” She says, “Wow, I guess that’s it then.”

954p… And cancer free Michael Douglas comes out for the Best Movie Award, and gets a standing ovation. He even says, “There has to be an easier way to get a standing ovation…”

The winner, en route to an Academy Award for Best Picture in February? “The Social Network”.

Gotta tell ya… though I hate that its taking away all the momentum that Inception was getting, if this wins the Oscar I won’t be bothered… it was a great film. It was an amazing film, from the acting to the story to the effects to the music… and its so much more than a movie about Facebook… its about friendship, its about loyalty, its about betrayal, its about business. Its great. I know that Amarylis By Morning (up from san antone) didn’t like it, but I’m hoping that she at least appreciated it.

So there’s your Golden Globes. Your Oscar nominations will be announced in a few weeks or so, and I’ll be right here, doing my annual running diary during the awards show!