movies of 2103... the worst

TEASER... Sunday night, join me online on Twitter @davedollar and here on the blog for the Golden Globe Running Diary

TEASER... American Idol starts next week... we skipped last year #BecauseMinaj and #BecauseMariah, but with Harry Connick, Jr, the returning J-Lo and the returning keith urban (and no Randy the Dawg), I'll be back giving you an episode-by-episode recap!

Bookmark this site so you dont miss anything I have to say, cause let's face it, while what I have to say really isn't that important, its mildly entertaining somewhat.  And sort of.  Maybe?  Yeah!

Ok... onto The Movies!!

And due to blogger being stupid, no pictures for you, unfortunately...

My goal for 2013 was to watch 100 films that I had never seen before. Theatrical releases, with very little exception (otherwise I could plant myself in front of Lifetime Movie Channel and watch 6 movies in a row about women empowerment all starring Judith Light or Valerie Harper, sometimes both...)

Now, not all of these movies were released in 2013... in fact, most of them weren't, but I wanted to give you my list of movies for my own archival purposes, but also for that "here's what I thought, in case you wanted to know if it was good or not" purposes...

So over the next few days, I'm going to give you the entire list... later this week, you'll get the best films I watched in 2013, both movies from 2013 and movies released pre-2013... and also, the movies "in the middle", not the best, nor the worst, but some that deserve attention.

But today, let's kick off our 2013 Movie Watching Recap with the ten worst films I watched in 2013:

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS

Beasts of the Southern Wild (2012)... This isn't a bad movie, not all. In fact, its quirky, its decent, its amusing here and there... so why is it here? Because this movie got a boat load of attention in late 2011, for the '12 Oscar season, on how great it was, and how great the lead, young Quvenzhane Wallis was, and on and on. This films is decent, but nowhere near worth the hype. I have my theories that most people didn't love it as much as they say they did, they felt compelled to sing its praises for political reasons... you get me.  Review here.

Madea's Witness Protection (2012)... Yes. This is as bad as you think it would be. Worse, even. My first Tyler Perry movie, and it might be my last. We can only hope.

And here is THE BOTTOM TEN...

10... Blitz (2011)... Jason Statham in a mess of a film about a tough cop (is there any other kind when its Statham in the role?) chasing a serial killer who targets police officers and it doesn't matter. Hard to understand because of the thick British accents, hard to care because of the loose plot.

9... Red Dawn (2012)... Being a fan of the guilty pleasure that is the original Red Dawn, this one doesn't even come close. Trade the Russians with the North Koreans as your enemies, that's fair enough, but Chris Hemsworth, Isabel Lucas, Josh Hutcherson and Adrianne Palicki are poor imitations of Patrick Swayze, C. Thomas Howell, Lea Thompson and Jennifer Grey.

8... Spring Breakers (2013)... This movie is terrible. The best thing about it is James Franco, who dives into his role as a sleazeball pimp-type dude named Alien. The only other sorta good thing about is Selena Gomez, who disappears halfway through the film. Oh, and wrestler Jeff Jarrett makes an appearance as a youth pastor. 

7... Meatballs Part II (1984)... What a travesty... one of the characters is an alien, and not the character Alien from the above "Spring Breakers". No, an actual alien, with eyes that glow. Which is a dude in a clunky costume. Don't even ask me why I saw this... I was probably holding a sleeping baby with a remote across the room.

6.. Piranha 3DD (2012)... So the fun in the first film, "Piranha 3D" was that it was so random, so ridiculous and such a great bad film (Elisabeth Shue helps) Its like, everything they did to make the first one fun they purposely made sure not to do in this one. The cast--Ving Rhames, Hasselhoff, David Koechner, Chris Lloyd--is totally wasted in this piece of crap.  Here's all I could say about it in my online review:  Run. Run from this movie. If someone holds a gun to your head, then take the bullet and hope for the best. Just sayin'.

5... Hansel & Gretel: Vampire Hunters (2013)... I enjoy Jeremy Renner, especially in The Avengers and most recently, in American Hustle, and I like Gemma Arterton, former Bond girl. I also am a fan of Famke Janssen, cause she's a looker, and played Jean Grey in the X-Men films. Toss them together in this, and you get a pile of poop. Its awful. Big budgeted, bloated, stupid and awful.

4... The Paperboy (2012)... The most wasted cast of the year... and I dont mean high on weed (though with Matthew McConaughey here, it might be), but rather great talents making a terrible, weird film... John Cusack is horrendous, Zac Efron should hate himself for this, and Nicole Kidman--who's performance is strangely amazing, yet you hate her too in this... Kidman's character, Charlotte, pees on Efron's character Jack. That's all you need. 

3... 2012: Ice Age (2011)... On The Deucecast, we challenged each other to watch certain films... and after giving my co-host, Mikey, some great films to experience (like this one!  and this one!), he saddled me with this utter piece sadness. 

2... Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011)... Ya know, the first "Ghost Rider" wasn't all bad. It was cheesy and silly, but had its moments. But Nic Cage is just off the rails lately, as this one equals the pile of dog snot that is "Drive Angry". Might've been the same movie.  For the full review, click here.

1... LOL (2012)... In 2002, right as Britney Spears was doing that "not a girl, not yet a woman, BritBrit released "Crossroads". A young Justin Long and a young Zoe Saldana starred along a popular, still with Timberlake, sweet, quasi-innocent Britney, and the movie was... well, it wasn't good. It had its moments, and I can see this being a guilty pleasure...

...I sort of expected this to movie to be Miley Cyrus' version of "Crossroads". Oh nay. Oh nay nay. A long haired Miley plays "Lola"... Lola... LOL... get it? Eh? Eh! and Demi Moore is her mom... and everything is bad about this movie. The plot is terrible. The acting is terrible. The characters are stupid, and you want everyone to get set on fire by Ghost Rider (which might've made both of these films a little better). Stay away. There is not even a slightly amusing second of this movie. Worst movie I saw all year long. 

At least the makers of Piranha 3DD knew they were making a steaming pile of ostrich stool.  The people who made LOL actually tried, which makes it worse because they failed so miserably.

So there's the worst of the lot, the worst movies I saw in all of 2013... but we still have 100+ more movies to mention... up next, the "middle movies", the ones that fall somewhere between the best and the worst... and then, the Top Ten Movies Released in 2013, and the Top Ten Movies Released Before 2013.... so keep checking back this week! 

(6094 words written... 13,906 words until the goal of 20,000 in January... #500Words #20KinJan)

The 2012 Golden Globe Running Diary

So here we are, with the Golden Globes once again... in keeping with tradition, I'll blog the show bit by bit... sometimes funny, sometimes boring, rarely funny, mostly boring, it will be a trip nonetheless.

Now, its 9p, and we are starting late.  I could go into detail about how we had a great dinner with Melanie and Family, or how when we got home I had to put sheets on the bed and we had to do this and that and the other... however, I'll just use five words that most of you will understand:

We've got a kid now.

That will explain everything.

So, let's get going... Ricky Gervais is hosting again--last year, he got acclaim and criticism for his harsh joking on the celebrities, and though yes, they are people too, its hard to feel too bad when they can dry their tears with their Benjamins and sob into their silk couch cushions.  Give me a cool few million and make fun of me, I'm game.

9:07p... Yes, you say "it was 9p, why are you starting the DVR'd show at 9:07?  We've got a kid now, that's why.

9:09p... Show has started.  Ricky Gervais is out onstage, and I can tell half the stars in the audience are holding their breath, wondering if they are on target.  And he's drinking right off the bat.  "So, where was I...?" he begins.

909p... "The Golden Globes are just like the Oscars except without all that esteem.  I'm Britain's #1 comedian on the 2nd biggest awards show on the America's 3rd biggest network.  Fourth?  Okay, 4th biggest network..."

909p... Ricky makes a man-parts joke, and the camera shows Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, who are unamused.  Then makes a dirty little joke about the film "The Beaver" and Jodie Foster.  You see where this is going.

914p... The opening monologue is short, and considerably--and I mean really, really--tamer that last year.  Johnny Depp comes out as the first presenter.   Ricky asks him, "Johnny... have you seen 'The Tourist' yet?"  He's got a point... its a bad, bad movie.

915p... "Hugo" is the first of the nominated Best Drama movies shown.  I'm completely on the fence about seeing it, though I've heard its great.

916p... Gerard Butler and Mila Kunis comes out... besides "300", I don't know that Gerard Butler has done anything worth watching.   Mila Kunis has actually done some great work, though, "The Book of Eli" and "Friends with Benefits" are great examples.

917p... Best Supporting Actor in a Film.  Right before we heard his name, I said aloud "Christopher Plummer gets this".  Plummer is nominated for "Beginners", a movie where an old man (Plummer) comes out of the closet after a long, hetero life.  He's a legendary actor, but I feel like this movie is this years "The Kids are Alright"... that is, this year's Gay Movie.  I expect Plummer to be on the fast track to the Best Supporting Actor Oscar.

920p... Chris Plummer is still talking.  No "get off the stage" music.  I have a feeling that he is on the short list of people that the producers say, "Don't you dare play him off stage..."

How awesome would it be for him to work in how much he hates "The Sound of Music"... because in many interviews, he says just that very thing.

921p... Ashton Kutcher and Elle McPherson come out, doing the award for best actress in a Comedy or Musical.  So far, we've got Enlightened, Parks and Rec, 30 Rock, The Big C and something else that I don't watch... Laura Dern gets it for Enlightened, an HBO show that I've never seen, but I'm sure is enjoyed by dozens of people every week.  Expect HBO to rack the heck up tonight.  Personally, I'd like to see Laura Linney get it, because I do like me some Laura Linney.

923p... "I like this dress she's got on.  Not the belt".  Thanks to The Lovely Steph Leann for the insight.

Julianne Moore is on my short list of people, along with Amy Adams,
DiCaprio, Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise that deserve an Oscar at some point.

924p... Something for each of us.  Rob Lowe, a member in good standing of The Colin Firth Club, while for me, Julianne Moore and her awesome red hair.  The prompter fails, and someone hands the banter script to Julianne Moore.

925p... The nominees for Best TV Movie or Mini-Series.  "Cinema Verte"... "Downton Abbey"... "The Hour"... "Mildred Pierce"... "Too Big to Fail"...  I've only seen the last of those films, and it was pretty good, but not a major masterpiece to me.  I kinda feel like "Too Big to Fail" was that movie "New Years Eve" except with a smarter cast.  The winner?  "Downton Abbey", some show on PBS about old school England, which can pretty much guarantee that I will NEVER watch the show.

927p... The producer from "Downton Abbey" is speaking, and he's saying that ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

928p... Rob and Julianne are back for Best Actress in TV Movie or Mini-Series.  Who will win this?  Kate Winslet for "Mildred Pierce".  That's my guess... and?  Kate Winslet.  Anytime my dear Kate wins an award, I'm all for it.  She deserves 293 Golden Globes and about 102 Oscars.  Perhaps one of the top five most talented actresses alive today.

930... Christopher Plummer gets as long as he wants to talk.  Apparently Kate Winslet hasn't gotten to that status yet... she is played off stage.  Frieda Pinto comes out to introduce "Midnight in Paris".  The only reason I haven't seen this movie is that Woody Allen directed it--and I am not a Woody Allen fan at all.

933p... Jeremy Irons escorts the Hollywood Foreign Press Prez Dr. Something Somethingsomething.  The HFP is the group that does these awards every year, but I couldn't tell you anything else about them.  The camera pans to Madonna, leading The Lovely Steph Leann to say, "Why is Madonna there?  What the heck?"

934p... Jake Gyllenhaal.  He's out to introduce "My Week With Marilyn", another nominated film in the Drama category.  Another one I haven't seen.

This picture doesn't do Paula Patton's dress justice, as here
its muted.  It looked like a highlighter machine threw up
all over her.

936p... Ricky Gervais comes out again, making a joke about his agent and God, sparking an uncomfortable chuckle in the room-here and there.  Melissa McCarthy and Paula Patton come out, and the TV is filled with Paula's bright yellow dress.  Best Actor TV Series Drama.  All five shows I don't watch.  And the winner?  Starz gets one!  Kelsey Grammar wins for "Boss"!  Take that HBO!!

937p... Wait... does the Hollywood Foreign Press know that Kelsey Grammer is not playing "Frasier" anymore?  Is this why he won?

939p... Now the nominees for Best TV Series Drama.  Another set of shows I don't watch, though I think "Homeland" will be something we pick up... And "Homeland" wins!  I'm going to stick that in our Netflix queue.

942p... Adam Levine ("The Voice" plug!!) and Jimmy Fallon come out now.  The award for Best Song and Best Score is up.  Levine and Fallon are doing a schtick, and the camera shows George Clooney, who isn't even cracking a slight smile.  Best Score is first.  All five movies I've never seen.  My guess is "The Artist" and... I'll be right.  The Lovely Steph Leann remarks, "I'm a little disappointed in all of those nominees..."

945p... The winner is a Frenchman, and he says in broken English, "I'm sorry... I'm French..." and then tries to make a joke in broken English.  Doesn't work.  Best Song award is next... Gnomeo and Juliet's song... Machine Gun Preacher's song... Albert Nobbs' song... The Help's song... W.E.'s song... which is from Madonna, which makes both of us go, "Ahh... thats why she's there."

947p... Madonna wins.  Leads to this exchange:

Her:  What is "W.E."?  I haven't heard of half these movies!  When did that happen!
Me: Uh... we have a kid now.
Her:  And her dress?  Its horrible.

950p... Who the heck is this chick?  Upon seeing this foreign chick's dress, The Lovely Steph Leann doesn't say a word... she just slightly gasps.

951p... Debra Messing AND My Girl McPhee?  Holy crap.  Best Actor in TV Movie or Mini-Series.  Winner?  Idris Elba in... "Luther"?  Is that the name of it?  I know this guy as the Gatekeeper guy in "Thor".

953p... Brad Pitt walks out.  Millions of women my age collapse in a tizzy.  He introduces "The Ides of March", which was a great movie.

Beckinsale's face is genuine--she had no idea Seth was going to say it

955p... Seth Rogan and Kate Beckinsale walk out together... and Seth deadpans, "I'm Seth Rogan and I'm currently trying to conceal a..."... well, he says he's turned on.  Kate is cracking up, so I'm not sure that line was planned.  Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy, winner is Michelle Williams.  She will now be the second-runner to Meryl Streep in the Best Actress Race.  A chick from Dawson's Creek takes home a Golden Globe.

955p... Seth Rogan's one inappropriate joke > Ricky Gervais' entire monologue thusfar.

958p... Piper Perabo and Sarah Michelle Geller come out for Best Supporting Actor in TV Series, Mini Series or TV Movie.  Winner?  Peter Dinklage for Game of Thrones, for which he also won the Emmy some months back.  That's awesome... Short People Rule!  Dinklage says, "My mom said to me 'Have you seen Mildred Pierce?  Its so good!  Guy Pierce is going to win!'"

1001p... Ricky comes back out, drink in hand, introducing George Clooney, who walks out with a cane.  He introduces "Moneyball", another fantastic movie... like "The Ides of March", I think its a movie that gets better the more I think about it, and I'm looking forward to seeing both of them again.

1003p... Channing Tatum and Jessica Alba come out--I'm not sure putting both of their talents together would equal the right fingers of Kate Winslet or Colin Firth.  But hey, Channing was awesome in "She's the Man", right?  Right.

1003p... Best Animated Film, and honestly, I don't think there was a whole lot of strong animated movies.  "Cars 2" is nominated, but without a strong Pixar movie to win, I don't know who takes it.  "Rango", maybe?  The winner?  "The Adventures of Tintin", a movie that could care less about seeing.

1004p... I would imagine this award means as much to Steven Spielberg as his Blockbuster Entertainment Awards.

1006p... Ewen McGregor comes on the stage, introducing a wonderful movie as a best comedy nominee, "50/50".  I think more people should see this movie.  Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Seth Rogan and Anna Kendrick are awesome, and this movie appears on the first post of The Coolest 100 Things of 2011.

1008p... Clive Owen and Nicole Kidman for Screenplay.  "Midnight in Paris"... "The Ides of March"... "The Artist"... "The Descendants"... "Moneyball".  And the Golden Globe goes to... Woody Allen for "Midnight in Paris", who isn't there.  Uncomfortable.

1009p... Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy, a real life couple, does a little song together that gets a huge applause.  Very cute.  Best Supporting Actress in a TV Series, Mini-Seires or TV Movie.  The winner is... Jessica Lange for "American Horror Story", a show I've never seen, but I've heard its scary and weird and awesome.

The Lovely Steph Leann:  Her dress is an American Horror Story on its own.

Another American Horror Story?  The fact that Jessica Lange also won a Golden Globe for the 70s version of "King Kong".  Wow, what a crappy film.

1013p... Back with Ricky, who introduces "The queen of pop... no, not you Elton John...  she's 'like a virgin", then coughs loudly.  Madonna comes out, saying "If I'm like a virgin, come over and do something about it--I haven't kissed a girl in a while."  There is laughter, but not much.  Foreign Film nominees.  The winner?  "A Separation" from Iran.  I wonder if they checked the cast and producers for bombs as they came in.   I also wonder if he publicly calls the US "The Great Satan", if Sean Penn would hop on stage and hug him.

1016p... Dustin Hoffman, Hollywood legend!  This is Best Actress TV Series Drama.  The Lovely Steph Leann and I both cheer when Callie Thorn is announced as a nominee for "Necessary Roughness"... what a great show.  Claire Danes wins for "Homeland"!  I like Claire Danes.  What a lovely lady.  

1022p... Emily Blunt comes out to introduce "Bridesmaids", one of my favorite films of 2011.  Absolutely hysterical.

1023p... Jane Lesbian Lynch and Tina Fey come on stage to do Best Actor TV Series Comedy or Musical.  Or as Jane says, "Music-Cal".  The winner is... Matt Le Blanc for "Episodes", as he plays a parody of himself. Four nominations, all for Friends, but no wins... good times.

Dr. Drake Remore gets a Golden Globe.  I love it.

1026p... People's "Sexiest Man Alive", Bradley Cooper is here to introduce the Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture.  Octavia Spencer will win this... and the winner is... Octavia Spencer.  She looks humble, but she had to know she was the front runner for this--and the Oscar now.  She gets a partial standing ovation from the crowd, and is stopped by like, 9 people on the way to the stage.

Me: This is going to be a speech about black women everywhere.
The Lovely Steph Leann:  Of course it is.

Yup.  Four seconds in, and we get a Martin Luther King reference.

For anyone who has seen that movie, would you be a little apprehensive if she served chocolate pie at her award party?

1030p... Reese Witherspoon.  Yeah!  Let me tell you, I'm guessing she won't be doing the Bend & Snap in that dress.

She introduces "The Descendants", a movie that I really, really want to see, mostly because I know its one of maybe two leads for Best Picture for the Academy Awards.  And with George Clooney at his table?  Stacy Kiebler, former WCW and WWE Diva.  Rock on!

1031p... Sidney Poitier comes out to award Morgan Freeman with the CC DeMille Award... Sidney is given a huge standing ovation.   I know I'm getting old because no longer are these lifetime awards given to the 50s and 60s stars like Deborah Kerr or Spencer Tracy or Burt Lancaster... no, we are watching actors that we've grown up with get LIFETIME Achievement Awards. Wow.

And Morgan Freeman is so deserving of this very thing.  What a phenomenal actor, and what an incredible narration voice.  Helen Mirren comes out and says, "I have had a few glasses of wine, so excuse me when I complain that Morgan Freeman has been in over 50 films and I've only been in one."

I wonder if they asked Morgan Freeman to narrate the Morgan Freeman
tribute.  I want him to narrate my funeral.  Can anyone help with that?

Among the many awesome movies Morgan Freeman has done, here is My Favorite Morgan Freeman Roles:

10) Lucius Fox in "Batman Begins" & "The Dark Knight"
9) Azeem in "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves"
8) Hoke Colburn in "Driving Miss Daisy"
7-tie) Jim in "Hard Rain"
7-tie) Joe Matheson in "Red"
6) God in "Bruce Almighty"
4) Ned Logan in "Unforgiven"
3) Det. William Somerset in "Se7en"
2) Rawlins in "Glory"
1) Red in "The Shawshank Redemption"

He truly is one of the Greatest American Actors Ever.  Hats off to you, Mr. Freeman.

The Lovely Steph Leann also points out that he does the voice of The Hall of Presidents--true.  And despite the presence of He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected, that makes it great.

1046p... Robert Downey Jr is here to introduce "The Artist", a movie I think I want to see, but I'm not sure.

1048p... Angelina Jolie comes out, and hardens my resolve that I not find her attractive, ever.  She looks ghastly.  Best Director... Ides of March... Midnight in Paris... The Descendants... Hugo... The Artist... and the winner is... Martin Scorcese for Hugo.  Very interesting...

The Lovely Steph Leann:  Angelina's arms are so teeny.  Like, the size of Campbell's arms.

1051p... Ricky again.  "I can't wait to introduce Salma Hayek and Antonio Banderas!  I think they are interesting, I'm not sure because I [NBC bleeps out what he says]".  Salma and Antonio come out, and the entire bit by them is silenced.  Even the nominees for Best TV Series Comedy or Musical is quiet.  The picture goes haywire... and Modern Family wins the award.  What the heck?

1054p... Michelle Pfieffer, a legendary Hollywood beauty, comes out to introduce "War Horse".  With no desire to see this film, I think I've realized I'm not a fan of horse movies.  I've never seen, nor do I care to see, "Secretariat", "Sea Biscuit", "Sand Biscuit Hidalgo", "Black Beauty" or any of those.  "Hot to Trot" was kinda funny, though.

I put Jessica Biel in the Angelina Jolie All Stars for me--that is,
those chicks who the world tells me that I'm supposed to be
all hot for, but I don't see the appeal.  Sorry.

1055p... Mark Wahlberg and Jessica Biel comes out, and The Lovely Steph Leann gives the line of the night... "Ugh!  That dress!  Its like she has a third boob!"  Its true.  Its like Jess Biel is a Sister Wife.

The winner for Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical goes to Jean Dejlua?idh for "The Artist".

1058p... Queen Latifah is introduced, and she's introducing "The Help" as a nominee for Best Movie.

1101p... Ricky is out again, introducing Colin Firth.  The Lovely Steph Leann swoons.  Ricky Gervais then makes fun of the fact that Colin Firth is talented, acclaimed and loved by all.  "But what you don't know is that he's very racist.  Here's the evil Colin Firth!"  Best Actress in a Drama Movie... the winner is... Meryl Streep of course.  That's my prediction, anyway... so, the actual winner is:  Meryl Streep.  We knew this.  She says, "I'm so glad that Ricky Gervais' deal fell through and they came to me to play Margaret Thatcher..."  I think she curses again, because the sound cuts out.  This is NBC, though.

1105p... Meryl is still talking.  She gets that "extra long speech time", though the music just kicked in.

1106p... Jane Fonda follows suit onto the stage, now is giving the award for Best Musical or Comedy.  50/50... The Artist... Bridesmaids... Midnight in Paris... My Week with Marilyn... and we know this.  The Artist picks up another win.   I dunno if a dog has anything to do with the movie, but there is a puppy onstage that some of the cast is playing with.

1110p... Ricky Gervais now brings out Natalie Portman, who won last year for Black Swan, a movie I haven't seen and am on the fence about.  Best Actor Movie Drama.  George Clooney... Leo DiCaprio... Michael Fassbender... Brad Pitt... Ryan Gosling... the Golden Globe goes to... George Clooney for "The Descendants".   Another predictable winner tonight.

1114p... This must be the final award of the night, because it brings out cranky Harrison Ford, and they are rushing through this list of Best Drama Movie... and the winner is... "The Descendants".  Right here, right now, I call it--a two film race for Best Picture at the Academy Awards between this and The Artist, with The Descendants getting it.

And that is your 2012 Golden Globes!  I know, I know, its a day late, its hurried, and I'm sure I missed some stuff... but hey...

We've got a kid now.

Hugh Jackman, Meet Colin Firth (and other december movies)

Guess who is playing The Riddler in the newest Batman film, tentatively titled "Gotham"?

Here's what I've seen in the last few weeks..

"Quantum of Solace", rated PG-13, starring Daniel Craig and Dame Judi Dench

I have to be clear on this... I'm not a huge James Bond fan. This is unofficially the 25th movie in the James Bond series, and I've probably seen, or at least can remember, five or six of them. That being said, I think Daniel Craig is a great James Bond. Seriously... Pierce Brosnan was decent, I think, though a little too... well, charming and not manly enough... while Timothy Dalton was terrible. Roger Moore was the Bond of my childhood mostly, and of course, everyone loved Sean Connery from back in the day.

Now that my exposition is out of the way, I can say that I really and fully enjoyed this flick. It picks up right where "Casino Royale" left off, another film I enjoyed immensely--one of the coolest things about 2006. One drawback is that "Quantum" features none of the gadgets that we are so used to seeing, but like "Casino Royale", the story isn't about the gadgets. This one is about an agent seeking revenge... and Strawberry Fields? One of the best looking Bond girls ever. Ever. Well, except for Paris Carver. Oh, and Xenia Onatopp.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

"Twilight", rated PG, starring Cedric Diggory, The Chick from #51 on The Dave100, and Mike Dexter.
There are only four things that redeemed this movie for me...
1) The chick playing Alice Cullen
2) The chick playing Jessica Kendrick
3) Watching Mike Dexter try to be a father figure
4) When it was over, after 2 god-forsaken hours that Ill never, ever, ever get back.

I mean, this movie is so dreary, and so depressing--not a good depressing like "Schindler's List" or "Saving Private Ryan", a depressing that entertains and enthralls, nay, even haunts you... no, this is a bad depressing, so much so that I was sticking fire pokers between my fingers. I was playing games on my phone. I was working out algebra formulas in my head. I was counting the hairs on my arms (I got to about 1,993,103 before I lost count). This, of course, begs the question, "Dave, why didn't you just leave??" to which I answer, "I had to finish the movie, just in case it got better. It actually did, for about 10 minutes towards the end, then that part got ruined.

I found the ticket for free in the little ticket box, which is why I went to see it. It was free, and I still wanted my money back. This movie was terrible.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

"Role Models", Rated R, starring Paul Rudd, Seann William Scott, Elizabeth Banks
As a follower of Christ, we are bound by the law of what is good and what is right, as listed in the Word of God, telling us be careful what we see and what he hear, be cautious of what we put before our eyes and in our hearts. I say this to head off anyone telling me this exact thing, Amy McL, because I have to say, for me...

...this movie was absolutely hysterical. I mean, unbelievably funny, to the point I was cracking up every few minutes. The plot is a little contrived--two guys get into trouble and are sentenced to work with some troubled kids at a center. Of course, it goes without saying, the ending will be that, though they hate the kids at first, they end up loving the kids, and the kids, though hating the two guys, end up loving the two guys. Duh. That's how movies like this are supposed to end.

That being said, this movie is driven by Paul Rudd and Seann William Scott, two extremely funny and talented guys. Their timing and delivery of what might be unfunny dialogue turn this from cliche to completely a riot. I like Paul Rudd anyway, for his work in the little-seen-but-very-funny "Wet Hot American Summer" (directed by David Wain, as is "Role Models"), the slightly overrated "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy" and of course, my 91st Favorite Movie of All Time. Seann William Scott, who will forever be known as Stifler, is also emerging as a great go to guy for silly, stupid comedy, and in the case of genius like "The Rundown" (also on The Dave100), smart, sharp comedy.

Anyway, if "Superbad" offended you, or "Knocked Up" got under your craw, stay away from "Role Models". Its got language, its got unnecessary boobage and its got boy potty humor... but man, its funny. And its great to watch Fogell emerge as a decent actor.

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"Four Christmases", Rated PG-13, starring Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon.

Whereas "Role Models" was really, really funny, this movie was just funny. Again, its a contrived plot that relys on the strength of its leads and Vince Vaughn definately does his end of the job. He's one of the funniest guys out there.

Oh, by the way, after this movie, I'd like to introduce one of three possible candidates into The Ashley Judd Club (my answer to The Colin Firth Club)... Reese Witherspoon. She's one of those actresses that I keep forgetting 1) how talented she is, and 2) how hot she is. She shouldn't be hot, either, she's got this weird goofy grin thing going on, along the same lines that has made me never find Julia Roberts attractive... and yet, somehow she is.


Kristen Chenoweth, who starred in the tv show "Pushing Daisies". It sounded like an interesting premise, so much so that I was very close to buying Season One on DVD, catching up and following the show. Then ABC cancelled it--or "halted production, which is just as good as. Then the news came out that there is no plans to resolve the cliffhanger left by the last filmed episode. So, I didn't get it.

Reese is funny in this movie. She's been funnier, though, as seen in "Election", one of the most wickedly funny movies ever, and even "Sweet Home Alabama". Avoid anything that has a number after "Legally Blonde", though.

Anyway, they play a couple who, since both comes from divorced homes, somehow avoid visiting the four different families they'd have to see on Christmas Day. Through a pretty clever set of circumstances, however, they are forced to do just that very thing... the parents are great, played by Robert Duvall, Sissy Spacek, Jon Voight and Mary Steenbergen, all four Oscar winners. Dwight Yoakam also has one heck of a funny cameo too (I didn't even spot him at first).
You'll also see Jon Favreau at his stupid best, Tim McGraw somehow pulling off a funny part, and another candidate for this year's inductees into The Ashley Judd Club, Kristen Chenoweth.

This is a silly popcorn movie that, if what you want is sold out, I would recommend. You won't laugh until you cry, but you will laugh.

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d$'s Movie Moment....

Three Films of Vince Vaughn to check out...
"Wedding Crashers"... again, if you don't like this kind humor, stay away!
"Be Cool"... not nearly as good as "Get Shorty" but Vince + The Rock = d$ laughing
"A Cool, Dry Place"... a more serious role, in a very sweet movie

Three Films to Avoid at All Cost...
"Psycho"... "The Cell"... and one of the worst movies I've ever seen, "Domestic Disturbance"

Three Films of Reese Witherspoon to check out...
"Election"... a very satirical flick with a great plot, hilarious (and bad) dialogue and Reese at her most scrumptiously good
"Man in the Moon"... no, not the Jim Carrey one. Reese was 15 when she debuted in this country movie--grab a few hankies. The only movie I have ever cried in. Seriously.
"Walk the Line"... of course.



What do we think? Is she The Goddess worthy?

Three Films to Avoid at All Cost...
"Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde"... "S.F.W."... "Little Nicky"

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"The Punisher: War Zone"... Rated R, starring Ray Stevenson, Dominic West

You ever go to a movie and you just know, after its over, that you would have enjoyed it soooo much more if you had seen it at the $1 theater, thereby investing only a single dollar, than at the big show, investing $9.25? Yep. This was "The Punisher: War Zone" for me.

Mikey Nipp and I saw this movie together, as we do have a tendency to check out bad flicks, sometimes because no one else will see them with us. We saw "Death Race 3000" this summer--at the $1 theater--and it was unbelievably craptastic.

"The Punisher: War Zone" is a terrible movie. The acting is terrible, the effects are terrible, the plot is terrible, and the blood/body count is terrible. Please know that all these "terribles" are predicated on the fact I paid about $8.25 more than I should have for this movie.

In one seen, The Punisher punches a guy in the face. Does the guy's nose break? Does the eye get a bloody eye? No. The guys face caves in. Completely. This is the movie called "The Punisher: War Zone".

Run.

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The Colin Firth Club and Its Official Members

For those of you who have read the blog a while, you'll know what this is, and many of you have your own version. KT's is called "The Eddie Vedder Club". Nikki Brown might have "The Michael Phelps Club". Who knows?

If The Lovely Steph Leann is offered a romantic escapade with Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, Will Smith, she laughs and says "no way". However... offer her Colin Firth, and though she would say no, she would hesitate. It wouldn't be an automatic refusal, there would be a few seconds of thought. Hence, The Colin Firth Club.


The official president and leader of The Colin Firth Club

Its members include.. Colin Firth, of course... Patrick Dempsey, Bradley Whitford, Pierce Brosnan, Mr. Darcy and now, 2008's inductee, Hugh Jackman.

My own version, heralded by The Goddess? It includes Samantha Brown, Kate Winslet, Debra Messing, Teri Hatcher and Marisa Tomei. And 2008's candidates for induction? Kristen Chenoweth, Reese Witherspoon and Ashley Tisdale.

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"Australia", Rated PG-13, starring Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman

"Australia" is defined by two words... "Sweeping" and "Epic". This is not a movie for everyone. This is a movie for people who enjoy "Sweeping" and "Epics". Directed by Baz Luhrmann, the same guy who did "Moulin Rouge!", "William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet" and the highly underseen "Strictly Ballroom", it tells the tale of an English Lady who lost her husband to the rough tread of the Australian cattle driving industry in the days leading up to World War II.


This one is for The Lovely Steph Leann...

Now, for my money, I had never even given a thought to cattle drives--or droves--in Australia, as when I hear that name, I only think of koalas, kangaroos, WalkAbout and Nicole Kidman. Good thing that Nicole Kidman is in this movie. Its been a while since I've enjoyed Nicole Kidman, because lets face it, she's done some crap in recent years.

Three Nicole Kidman movies to check out...
"Dead Calm"... One of her first films, and its chilling. She's excellent.
"To Die For"... Very funny, very sharp
"The Others"... Creepy. Very creepy.

Three Nicole Kidman films to avoid at all costs...
Pretty much everything since 2001's "The Others" and now. "Cold Mountain" might be worth a look and... no, avoid that one too.

Anyway, she shines and looks great in the Great Outback, and actually, The Outback could be a co-star of the film. Its got adventure, its got love, its got villians, its got aborigines, its got war, its got Hugh Jackman, lathered up in soap, washing off, leading to this exchange...

Me: Hugh Jackman, huh? Good looking?
The Lovely Steph Leann: Oh yeah. He's People's Sexiest Man Alive for a reason.
Me: Colin Firth Club worthy?
The Lovely Steph Leann (incredulously): Of course he's Colin Firth Club Worthy! Its Hugh Jackman! Helll-ooo....

At a running time of almost 3 hours, empty your bladder before going in, drink slowly and get comfy. I do recommend it, though... it was a good... no, it was a great, fun picture.

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I was going to go see "The Day The Earth Stood Still", but then I learned that its kind of a "we are aliens who are so ashamed at how you measly Earthlings (re: Americans) are destroying your planet, we're going to come and destroy it for you so you can start over"

That did it for me.


Random The Goddess picture, since The Lovely Steph Leann got one

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Finally, here are the movies I'm really excited about seeing in the next few weeks...

"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"... First, I think Brad Pitt is an extremely talented actor, all looks aside. Secondly, I'm all about some Cate Blanchett, but only in certain movies--this one is included. Perhaps I've seen the entire movie in the previews, but I think it will be, at the very least, interesting.

"Gran Torino"... True story. I'm watching the previews, waiting for "Quantum of Solace". I see the trailer for the new Star Trek film, and while it was pretty good, I was completely taken and enthralled with Clint Eastwood's new film. It looks amazing.

"Bedtime Stories"... It kind of reminds me of the fantasy and fun of "A Night at the Museum", and it reminds me of "Four Christmases"... a fun popcorn flick. This is not to be confused with the Cinemax late night series of the same name, by the way.

"Revolutionary Road"... Its got Kate Winslet. That's all I care about.

The Dave100... #89. Jerry Maguire

Jerry Maguire, 1996, Rated R. Stars a pre-Scientology-crazy Tom Cruise, Renee Zellweger in her breakout role, Cuba Gooding Jr before he started mailing in all his roles, Mrs. John Travolta, and the underappreciated Bonnie Hunt.

Plot... Jerry Maguire works for a sports agency, gets a conscience, and decides to write a memo addressing the dishonesty in the business. Though lauded, he's fired, with the firing carried out by former protege-turned-rival Bob Sugar. Racing back to the office, Jerry has decided to branch out on his own, and gets stuck on a lengthy conversation with Rod Tidwell, lengthy enough that Bob Sugar is able to grab all of Jerry's clients while Jerry is left only with Rod.

As he leaves, he asks who is daring enough to come with him, and only Dorothy Boyd stands up. While Jerry and Rod have a rocky relationship, as Rod proves hard to please, he and Dorothy eventually get close enough to fall for each other, though Jerry is more enamored with Dorothy's son, Ray.


"I LOOOOOVE BLACK PEOPLE!!!! YOUR MY MOFO!!!!"

Anyway, along the way you hear stuff like "Show me the money!", "I love black people!", "Quan" and of course, the final scene, which brings us, "You had me at hello". And the award winning actor Jonathan Lipnicki, who plays Ray, says, "Bees and dogs smell fear."

Why Its In the Dave100... I mean, I don't know. Should it be? Is it a sports movie? It can be. Is its a chick flick? It qualifies. I just genuinely love this movie. The performances are great all around, even Jerry O'Connell turns up pretty good as Brian "Cush" Cushman, a hot draft prospect that Jerry Maguire is trying to woo. Its just such a fun film, even though its been ruined by the repeated overkill of the now-famous catch phrases. Oh, and beware of "that scene" between Tom Cruise and Kelly Preston. You know it.

Tom Cruise had a string of hits back in the day, back when he made sense, wasn't hopping off couches and wasn't leaving the incomparable Nicole Kidman for the likes of butt-ugly Penelope Cruz. And Renee in this flick is just so darn cute. Seriously. It was also a good time for Cuba Gooding Jr (who won an Oscar for this film, and had a hilarious acceptance speech), before he started make crap, more crap, and even more crap (this link takes you to a film that landed on the Bottom 100 movies of all time on IMDB). And of course, I love Bonnie Hunt.

Oh, and Bruce Springsteen's song, "Secret Garden", is immaculate.


"Secret Garden" by Bruce Springsteen, intersparsed with some Jerry Maguire. See the video here too. This song was my Amy Wible song for a long time... until, of course, The Lovely Steph Leann came around.

Random Trivia... saw this movie on Christmas Day in 1996 with Heather Howell. Also, did you know that Tom Hanks was offered the lead role, and turned it down? John Travolta was also pursued, but really, this is one of those type flicks that was cast perfectly.

The 2008 Oscar Running Diary

The Oscars have begun with a cool little animated montage with references to about 100 films or more… and since it actually started at 730pm our time, and its actually 930pm our time… we’ll start from 930pm.

930pm… Jon Stewart is introduced as the host of the 80th Annual Academy Awards. I remain one of about 4 people in the world that doesn’t think he or the Daily Show is actually funny (mostly because its so inaccurate as “news”, which it never claims to be yet enjoys its status as a newscast)

933pm… Jon makes a few funny remarks, though.
--“’Away From Her’, a remarkable movie about a woman trying to forget her husband. Hillary Clinton called it the ‘feel good movie of the year’”
--“’Norbit’ got a nomination… too often, the Academy ignores movies that aren’t good”

935pm… Ah, there he goes. Political jokes. Its funny, he discusses issues and positions, then nudges a vote for Democrats. Somebody please tell me what Obama has done? Ever? Ever?

937pm… Here comes the awards! Jennifer Garner is up to present the first Oscar, that being the Costume award. I went with Atonement… and the winner is… Elizabeth: The Golden Age. It’s a two point category, and Stephanie and Nikki get it. Ashley, me and Mikey – Zero.

940pm… George Clooney is up now, looking debonair as always, to introduce a montage over the last 80 years of Academy Awards. I always think the montages are fun, honestly…

945pm… Anne Hathaway is joined by Steve Carrell. Anne has a total strangeness in dress. And for the 2nd award, it’s the Animated Feature category. Jon Stewart = not really funny. Steve Carrell = totally freakin’ funny.

948pm… I went with Ratatouille. And the winner is… Ratatouille! I’m 1 for 2 tonight, and pick up the 3 points. So does everyone else. Nikki & Stephanie are at 5 points, while Mikey, Ashley & myself are at 3 points. Brad Bird is Ratatouille’s director, and has a great speech.

950pm… Katherine Heigl is here for the makeup award, which is ironic because she does have a little bit too much rouge on. This is the movie Norbit was nominated for… but I went with Pirates 3. And the winner is… La Vie An Rose. Curse it all. One point goes to Mikey, which puts him at 4. I didn’t realize this was the Marion Cotillard movie, otherwise I would have gone with it… shucks.

953pm… The first of the five songs are up now, this one being “Happy Working Song” from Enchanted, one of the Top Ten Coolest Things of 2007. And Amy Adams, aka Total Hotness, is singing it! The Lovely Steph Leann has a grin the size of a Buick right now. This grin is nothing to what will be going on that lovely face when Amy Adams throws down to “That’s How You Know”.

958pm… The Rock is in the house! The People’s Champion! Yes, yes, mancrush. Shut up. Here comes the Visual Effects Award. I picked Transformers. And the winner is… The Golden Compass. And Nikki gets it… one point awarded, Nikki 6, Steph 5, Mikey 4, d$ and Ashleynipp have 3. My solace is that the movie made about 57 dollars at the box office, and half of that was popcorn.

10pm… Cate Blanchett is up for Art Direction. She’s one of those that sometimes, like tonight, can look totally gorgeous… and other times looks hideous. I chose There Will Be Blood in this one. The winner is Sweeney Todd. I am absolutely sucking wind tonight… just terrible. Steph Leann, Mikey and Ashleynipp get it, putting me in dead last. Nikki & Steph 6, Mikey 5, Ashleynipp 4, me 3.

1003pm… An Acting Award, one of the big ones, a four point category. They are replaying the Cuba Gooding Jr win for Jerry Maguire in 1997, which was absolutely awesome. Tonight? I picked Javier Bardem for “No Country for Old Men”. His role of Anton Chigurh was amazing. Personally? I’m rooting for Hal Holbrook, just because it was would be so cool to see him win one at 80 years old. The winner is? Javier Bardem. Four points for me, Steph Leann and Mikey. Steph has 9, Mikey has 8, I have 7, Nikki has 6, Ashleynipp has 4.

1013pm... Keri Russell appears, looking very elegant. Never thought she was all that good looking, but she does look classy tonight. This song she’s introducing is from “August Rush”, a little film that I’ve never seen, and most of you probably won’t see either.

1017pm… Owen Wilson, Academy Award nominee (for what?), is here for the Short Film category. I have no idea what I picked, Steph Leann has the ballots. The winner is The Mozart of Pickpockets. I didn’t pick that, I’m sure. Steph Leann gets it right… one more point for her. She now has 10 points overall. This guy who won the Oscar is talking, and I’m not sure if he’s trying to talk or cough something up, with his accent so thick.

1020pm… The Short Animated Film category is up, and I picked I Met The Walrus, whatever that’s about. The Oscar goes to Peter and the Wolf, which looked pretty awesome from the clip they showed. No one gets it right.

1024pm… Supporting Actress award, presented by last year’s supporting actor winner, Alan Arkin. This is a four point category, and I went with sentimental favorite Ruby Dee, from “American Gangster”. And the winner is… Tilda Swinton for “Michael Clayton”. I actually didn’t see that one coming, and Nikki takes the four points. Nikki and Steph Leann are tied at 10, Mikey has 8, I still have 7 and Ashleynipp has 4. Tilda looks terrible. I accidentally saw her nude in a film once, and it hurt my eyes. I turned the channel quickly.

1030pm… The teaser says “Stay tuned for Jessica Alba!” to which Steph Leann says “Jessica Alba will never be taken seriously again. Like she ever was. She hasn’t made a good movie in like, forever.” Jessica Alba is out to present the Scientific Technical Awards. We fast forwarded.

1032pm… Josh Brolin and James McAvoy are out together to present another award, this one being Adapted Screenplay. I went with “No Country for Old Men”. The winner is “No Country”! Its 4 points, and Steph Leann goes to 14, Mikey goes to 12, I have 11, Nikki stays at 10 and Ashleynipp has 8.

1039pm… “That’s How You Know” from Enchanted is being played, being sung by Kristen Chenoweth. Steph Leann’s grin went from really, really big to sort of a smile, now that Amy Adams isn’t singing it. Though she still has the head bobbing. Of course, if you are going to replace Amy Adams with anyone for this song, you can do a lot worse than Kristen Chenoweth.

1044pm… Dame Judi Dench and Dame Halle Berry are coming out and… oh wait, this is Jonah Hill and Seth Rogan. This is even better. And they are pretty funny… anyway, the award is for Sound Editing, and I picked The Bourne Ultimatum. And it wins! Another point for me! Steph Leann is at 15, Mikey stays at 12, I tie at 12, Nikki has 10 and Ashleynipp has 8 still.

1047pm… Seth and Jonah are still at it. The award is for Sound Mixing, and I went with Transformers, just cause I’d really like it to get something. And the winner is… The Bourne Ultimatum again. Stupid me… I should have picked this for both of these Sound awards. No one gets it this time around.

1051pm… The Best Actress Award is up next, the first 5 point category. I went with Julie Christie, only because she got tons of praise for this role… not that I have seen it, or will probably see “Away from Her”. I would give up the entire Oscar contest to see Laura Linney win an Oscar, though…. I luv luv luv Laura Linney’s acting. And the Oscar goes to Marion Cotillard, a heavy favorite… and no one picked her. Stupid foreigners gettin’ our awards. It was cute, though, with her walking off stage crying.

1059pm… Colin Farrell walks out, and almost slipped. He’s here to introduce the 4th nominated song from the little seen Irish film “Once”, it’s the song “Falling Slowly”. The song starts, I ask Steph Leann if I can fast forward, she looks at me funny with a “no”. So we listen to “Falling Slowly”. The might want to put the word “asleep” in the middle of the title.

1102pm… Jack Nicholson comes out… always a good time. Just hearing him talk cracks me up. He’s here to introduce the montage of “Best Pictures”.

1107pm… Either Renee Zellweger or Jewel just came out, I can’t tell. Though I think they might be the same person. Here’s the Film Editing Award, which I picked The Bourne Ultimatum. I got another one! Personally, The Bourne Ultimatum could have been a Best Picture nominee. Scorecard: Steph Leann 15, d$ 13, Mikey 12, Nikki 10 and Ashleynipp has 9.

1110pm… Jon Stewart: “Film editing… someone just took the lead in the Oscar pool based on a guess.” Yep.

1110pm… Nicole Kidman is out now. I used to be so into Nicole Kidman, though she’s kind of falling out for me. She’s still pretty, but I lean Kate Winslet now. This is some sort of Lifetime Achievement Award for an art director, one who’s 98. Robert Boyle gets an Honorary Oscar, and a standing ovation. It is cool, however, that they award someone who’s not an actor nor a director.

1118pm… Steve Guttenberg is going to be on Dancing with the Stars. Just sayin’.

1119pm… Penelope Cruz comes out to present another award. The Foreign Flick Prize. I think I picked the Polish film, Katlyn. The Counterfeiters from Austria gets it. Steph Leann picks it up, as does Mikey. Steph gets to 17 points, while Mikey goes to 14.

1122pm… A member of Steph’s “Colin Firth Club”, Patrick Dempsey comes out to introduce “So Close”, also from Enchanted. Luckily, Steph Leann allows me to fast forward through it.

1124pm… John Travolta, who should have gotten a nod in the makeup category for “Hairspray”, is giving out Original Song. Travolta’s face is heavily made up, and looks plastic. I picked “That’s How You Know” from Enchanted. The winner? “Falling Slowly” from “Once”. I wonder if Enchanted canceled each other out. Steph Leann is unhappy, calling the people who did win it “Losers”. The three points goes to Mikey, who now tied Steph Leann at 17. I’m at 13, Nikki stays at 10 and Ashleynipp still has 9.

1128pm… Me: If “Its Hard Out Here For a Pimp” can beat Bono for best song, then anything can happen in this category.

1130pm… Jon Stewart brings out the chick from the duo that just won best song. The guy got to talk, but the music cut them off, so Jon got her out to say her thank-you’s. That was actually kinda cool.

1131pm… Cameron Diaz comes out… remember what I said about Cate Blanchett? Yep. Cameron too. Our award now is Cinematography, and I went with There Will Be Blood. A 2 point category, its important to stay up with the leaders. And the winners are… There Will Be Blood! My total runs to 15, and Nikki finally gets up to 12! Mikey takes the lead at 19, Steph Leann is still at 17, and Ashleynipp breaks double digits with 11 points now.

1134pm… Two time Oscar winner and one time Chad Lowe wife, Hilary Swank! And here’s the legacy montage, and I’m sure a big ovation will be given to Heath Ledger. This one is always kinda sad. Sometimes you get the “I didn’t know that guy died!” reaction. This time it was Dabbs Greer, the old mad in “The Green Mile”. Sadly, we also lost Deborah Kerr. And the loudest reaction is given to Heath Ledger. Strangely, no Brad Renfroe mention.

1139pm… My latest Hollywood crush, Amy Adams, comes out with a “Academy Award nominee” label… it took us a second to remember “Junebug”, which I still haven’t seen. The award for Best Score is being given out. I picked Atonement. Rock! The winner is Atonement! 3 points go to me… and everyone else but Ashleynipp. Mikey has 22, Steph has 20, I have 18, Nikki has 15 and Ashleynipp is at 11.

1143pm… Tom Hanks, a two time winner, is up next, giving out the Documentary Awards, first the Documentary Short Film. Actually, they cut to soldiers in Baghdad, naming the nominees and giving out the award. Great move. I picked Sari’s Mother. Sari’s mom has it going on. You know that Sari. The winner is… Freeheld. Crapola. At least no one else picked it either. Except for Michael. His lead goes to 3 points, now with 23 total. Steph Leann screams “Mikey… you suck!!” And, even better, Freeheld is all about gay marriages. Mikey would get that one right.

1147pm… Tom Hanks now has the Documentary Feature Award. I picked No End in Sight, because an anti-American, anti-military movie is right up Hollywood’s alley. Taxi to the Dark Side, another anti-military film gets the win. Here comes the anti-American speech! Ashleynipp gets the 2 points, bringing her total to 13.

1150pm… “After Gitmo’s atrocities…” says the guy holding the award. That’s right, after four meals per day, prayer rugs, religious freedoms and all, how terrible it must be for these terrorists who want nothing more to blow up and destroy American lives.

1151pm… Harrison Ford walks out in all his stature. Are you pumped for Indy 4? Me too. He’s got the award for Original Screenplay, and its worth 4 points. I picked Juno. Unfortunately, we all picked Juno. Diablo Cody wins for Juno, and even gets a standing ovation. Mikey still leads with 27, Steph has 24, I have 22, Nikki has 19 and Ashleynipp trails with 17.

1156pm… The Best Actor Award is up now, another 5 point category. I think most of us picked Daniel Day-Lewis. Helen Mirren is up to give the award, and I think even though she’s like, 84 years old, she’s remarkably stunning. And she just said the word “cajones”.

12am… Daniel Day-Lewis, predictably, picks up the Oscar. Mikey jumps to an almost insurmountable 32 points, Steph has 29, I have 27, Nikki has 24 and Ashleynipp has 22 still.

1201pm… I think Daniel Day-Lewis is one of those actors that is highly underrated, and that no one mentions when they are talking about ‘Great actors’, but perhaps should. I mean, he doesn’t do a ton of work, but what he does is remarkable… he was the best thing about Gangs of New York, he was apparently great in There Will Be Blood, and he was awesome in Last of the Mohicans.

1204pm… It’s time for the Best Director Award. Last year, Scorsese won it, given to him by Coppola, Spielberg and Lucas. Someone in the room said, “I wonder if George Lucas wants their Oscars” to which, Drew Morris replied, “Yes, but I HAVE BILLIONS!!!” Funniest line of the night.

1206pm… I went with the Coen Brothers for “No Country For Old Men” for this award, and I was right. Another 5 points… for everyone but Nikki. Mikey has 37, Steph has 34, I have 32, Ashleynipp takes over 4th with 27 and Nikki is in danger of a First to Worst finish, still with 22 points.

1208pm… And finally… Denzel Washington comes out for the Best Picture. I went with “No Country for Old Men”. And the final Oscar goes to… “No Country for Old Men”. The final tally of the night? Michael wins it with 42 points, Steph Leann finishes 2nd again with a 39 point total. I end up with 37, Ashleynipp finishes with 27 and Nikki bombs out with 22.

So, that’s your 2008 Academy Awards… Michael is now a 4 time winner, though this one might have an asterisk on it, being over email and with only five participants, as opposed to the usual 12 or more people every year.

Well… I guess we’ll see you on Idol. I’m going to bed now.

Steph Leann (repeating this three times): “Stupid Michael”

The Weekend of iTunes

Happy Birthday this past Saturday to Amy McLeod, who turned 29 for the second time. I can't say that I've ever been more excited about a birthday card than the one I got you--I'll have to send it, I guess, because I don't know when I'll see you again. So expect it in the a few days. I could probably not sign it, and you'd figure out who sent it...

Song playing on iPod, set on shuffle: "Wild Wild West" by Will Smith, from Willennium

So... as I said before, I got my iPod. I went out and paid cash for a 60 gig black video Apple iPod, and I own it--no credit cards, no charging, no check... its mine, all mine. By the way, the iPod is currently on shuffle right now, so I'll give you the songs that come up as they do. Oh, and just for fun, I'll tell you that I was in the restroom a few minutes ago, with the iPod plugged in (in the other room--duh). I thought I heard the O.C. Supertones, though I didn't remember that song being on one of their albums. I was engrossed in the latest EW anyway, so I didn't pay much attention, and when I got back, I noticed this song was playing now:

Song playing now: "One Day I'll Fly Away" by Nicole Kidman, from The Moulin Rouge Soundtrack.

So, I did a flipback to see what Supertones song I had heard... turns out, it was "Come Around" from Factor 7. Some of you are enjoying that comment right now.

Anyway, I'm a nerd. I can't just have a screen on the iPod that says "Don't Cry" on one line, then "Guns N'Roses" on the next. No no. I have to have the top line say "Don't Cry", the next line say "Guns N'Roses", the next line say "Use Your Illusion I" (the album) then have in the info about the song the year (1991), the ratings ("Don't Cry" gets five stars from me--tops) then the genre (90s Rock), and finally, one day the lyrics. I have my catagories I want them in, and I want them organized a certain way... see, what took me so long, though, is that I had over 4500 songs to import.

Song: "I Know Why" by Sheryl Crow, from Wildflower

I worked on iTunes for about two solid weeks, organizing and catagorizing--remember, I had worked on loading cds into the computer for about three weeks prior. When I got the iPod last week, I was tempted to just plug it in and let it load, and re-organize later... I decided to have patience. So here was my iPod, sitting unbothered on the counter for 9 days... finally on Saturday morning, in the wee hours of say, 3am, I finished with iTunes, and was ready to load the iPod. I went to bed instead, having to be at work at like, 930am that very morning. When I got home, around 430pm, I figured I'd plug it in, give it an hour to load, and listen to it on the way out to Jon & Emily Taylor's house--with whom Steph and I had dinner plans.

Song: Fool For You, Nichole Nordeman, performed live on "Live at the Door"

Well, I plugged it in at 430p... by the time we were ready to leave at 630p, it had loaded about 760 songs of 4553. When we got home at 1030ish, it had loaded 3557 of 4553. So I went to bed, again. Finally, on Sunday afternoon, I got to hear my iPod in action. Very satisfying. Of course, the videos didn't work, so I had to figure that part out... you have to convert videos to iPod format, even if they show up in iTunes... and they take fooooorrreeevvveeerrr..... Currently, I have only one music video on it--"Weapon of Choice" by Fatboy Slim. BUt I do have several Star Wars videos, including the classic "Star Wars Gangsta Rap", and the hilarious Law & Order type short "The Trial of Han Solo", on trial for shooting Greedo... did he shoot first? Was it self defense?

Song: Everytime I Close My Eyes, by Babyface.

Right now, its converting a few more into iPod playability... "Hollaback Girl" by Gwen Stefani, "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter and "Food Good Inc" by The Gorillaz..

Can I say how bitter I am that "Bad Day" is being played everywhere? This is what happened to "Barely Breathing" by Duncan Sheik, from 1997. Fantastic song.... loved it. I was on the verge of considering waiving my two year waiting period before it could jump into my top twenty all time songs.

"God" by Rebecca St. James, from the God album.

I have my Top Ten favorite songs, and as an extension of that, I have ten more behind it, making it my top twenty all time favorite songs... In order for inclusion into Dave's Top Twenty-and possibly Top Ten--I give it two to three years... this ensures that after hearing the song a thousand times, I will still like it... if it grows tiresome, or I find myself turning the channel when it comes on, then I'll know its not Dave Top 20 material. This is what happened to "Barely Breathing"... every station in Montgomery and Birmingham and Troy and Dothan played it all the flippin' time... and I grew tired of it within a year.

"If You're Thinking You Want a Stranger (There's One Coming Home)" by George Strait, from his 1st Volume of Greatest Hits

Unfortunately, this is whats happening to "Bad Day"... not that I think it was ever in consideration for Dave's Top 20, but as much as I hear it now, it probably not going to even come close to my top 100 when its all said and done. Sadly, repitition and overplaying is what is killing Kelly Clarkson's "Behind These Hazel Eyes", though its not played nearly as much, so Kelly has a chance to recover... Daniel Powter's run is just getting started on the radio.

Of course, KT Tunstall's "Black Horse & the Cherry Tree" is on the fast track for a 2008 possible Dave Top 20 appearance.

"Love Me More" by PM Dawn, from The Bliss Album

Where was I? Who knows. Anyway, with the iPod, now its just a matter of tweaking the music, making sure the version of songs I have are what I want, correcting spellings and such... and converting my dozen or so videos to iPod formats. The longest will be the Pearl Jam MTV Unplugged show that I have-it clocks in at around 55 minutes. That might take days.

"When Did You Ever Listen To Me" by Rebecca Lynn Howard, from Forgive

The question I'm getting alot now is "What they heck are you doing with 4500 songs?", usually crossed with the comment "I dont even know 4500 songs..." My thought is, I love music... it makes me who I am. Songs, certain ones, take me back to a place when things were different... sometimes better, sometimes worse. Not that I would give up what I have now, namely Stephanie, my job, Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship), a lifetime charter membership in the Deuce and my iPod, for anything--but sometimes its good, fun to remember.

"But Anyway" by Blues Traveler, from Live From the Fall

I mean, I hear "Sailing" by Christopher Cross, or "Old Man and Me" by Hootie & the Blowfish, or "Wanted" by Alan Jackson, or "Seven Bridges Road" by The Eagles or "Luv is a Verb" by dcTalk, and there's a story that goes with it. And amy one of you know there are certain songs that hit you in different ways... and so now I've got the capability of holding all the songs that may or may not affect me, or might affect me in the future, in the palm of my hand. Plus, you can't go wrong with anything that lets you hold the lyrics to both "One Week" by the Barenaked Ladies, and "Numb" by U2 in your hands.

Music that has played while I was attaching links to this post...
"Piece of Glass" by Caedmon's Call, from Long Line of Leavers
"She" by The Monkees, from Listen to the Band box set.
"Its In His Kiss" by Vonda Sheppard, from Songs From Ally McBeal
"Lonely People" by Jars of Clay, from Who We are Instead
"I Wanna Luv You Up" by Color Me Badd, from C.M.B. (wait, how'd that get on there? that's not mine...)
"You Made Me Love You" by Jimmy Durante, from the You've Got Mail Soundtrack
"Long Time Gone" by The Dixie Chicks, from the Top of the World Tour live album
and from the catagory of "Bad 80s Hairbands With Crappy, Yet Awesome Music", it's "Sometimes She Cries", by Warrant, from the colossal, multi-dozen selling "Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinkin' Rich"

As for something completey random, here's one more reason I like LL Cool J... check out his comments on money at the Hip Hop Summit on Financial Empowerment. (I don't know that I could have made that up if I tried...) Anyway, he says "Give 10 percent to your church, then 10 percent to your house". Cool J is a tither! Go God! Now, I'm going to listen to LL Cool J sing about "dying to creep 'tween your sheets"

American Idol again, Wednesday morning...

The 2006 Academy Award Online Diary

Well, here we are... the 2006 Academy Awards are here. So, for the next four hours, I'll be keeping up with who wins, who loses and who gets the $25 gift card to the Rave Movie Theater, which goes to the person in the room who gets the most right. Right now, we've got Stephanie, Shawn, Mikey, Ashley and Ken Nipp.

6:50pm... Sybil,Dan and Drew just arrived.

6:52pm… Tommy & Amy just arrived.

7:03pm… Jon Stewart is the host. They are saying he’s not going to be too political… but we’ll see.

7:04pm… They are doing a hilarious montage of previous hosts… if you’ve watched the show in years past, you’ll find this really, really funny.

7:05pm… His monologue has started. Lets hear the jokes… “Glad to see all the celebrities here… first time you’ve voted for a winner, huh?” Democratic joke. Very funny.

7:08pm… Great Clooney joke. He’s doing pretty well right now…

7:09pm… Stewart to Steven Spielberg: “Schindler’s List… now Munich. Speaking as a Jew, I can’t wait to see what happens to us next.”

7:10pm… “Raise your hand if you were not in Crash…”

7:11pm… “Walk the Line. Its just Ray with white people.”

7:13pm… “There’s nothing remotely gay about Cowboy movies…” and then they proceed to show a montage of classic cowboy themes that can be taken quite wrong in the gay sense. Its very wrong… but really funny.

7:15pm… Nicole Kidman—who looks RAVISHING—is giving away the first award, the best Supporting actor Award. I picked Matt Dillon in “Crash”, though I think the popular consensus is George Clooney in “Syriana”.

7:16pm… George Clooney wins it. I’m 0-1.

7:25pm… Tom Hanks in his semi-mullet hair, for “The Da Vinci Code”. I am really excited about seeing that movie… and maybe one day reading the book. Now, lets welcome… Ben Stiller. And he comes out in a green screen suit, the award for Visual Effects.

7:26pm… Stiller is cracking me up. I went for Narnia. And I missed it. I’m 0-2. Crapola.

7:30pm… Here comes Reese Witherspoon. Oh, I love me some Reese. And she looks fabulous! She’s doing Animated Feature… I’ve chosen Wallace & Gromit: Curse of the WereRabbit, and I can’t imagine this not winning… however, Howl’s Moving Castle is getting lots of buzz.

7:31pm… And the winner is… Wallace & Gromit! I got one! I’m 1-2!

7:33pm… Naomi Watts is wearing an entire box of Kleenex. And now Dolly is singing one of the nominated songs, “Travelin’ Thru” from Transamerica. All the girls in the room have just had a discussion on the fakeness or realness of Dolly’s boobs, and how they are staying so perky. Their words, not mine.

7:42pm… We’re back. Stewart is bringing out Luke & Owen Wilson to present Live Action Short. I picked “Last Farm”, which most people did. None of us know anything about any of these, so it’s a crap shoot. And the winner is… Six Shooter. None of us got it right.

7:43pm…. And now Chicken Little (no, the real one, not the guy from American Idol) and Abby Mallard doing the Animated Short Film. And the winner is… The Moon & the Sun. Crap. I’m 1-4.

7:45pm… The still pretty good lookin’ Jennifer Aniston giving away the Costume Award. Memoirs of a Geisha just won. And the joke is… she could have dressed herself a little better. She does look a little ruddy.

7:51pm… Here comes Russell Crowe. No phones. He’s doing a montage on biopics… Selena, Jim Morrison, Howard Hughes… what, no Confessions of a Dangerous Mind?

7:57pm… Will Ferrell & Steve Carrell… dressed in total freak face paint. Doing the Make-Up Award. Will Ferrell looks like a tomato, and Steve has on fake eyelashes. I picked Narnia… and the winner is… Narnia!! Yes, I got 2!

8:03pm… Rachel McAdams. Nice. Oh, and we just had our first political joke of the night.

8:04pm… Morgan Freeman is giving away the Supporting Actress Award. I picked Rachel Weisz (pronounced Vise) for “The Constant Gardner”, though it would be cool to see Catherine Keener pick one up. The buzz is Michelle Williams for Brokeback Mounting. Mountain. Whatever. She’s always Dawson’s Creek to me.

8:06pm… And the winner is… Rachel Weisz. I got four, actually.

8:12pm… Here comes Lauren Bacall. She’s like, 153 years old. None of us know what she’s talking about. Not sure she does, really. Something about film noir… she’s having trouble reading the prompter (Ashley says “she can barely breathe”). An interesting montage of Noir, though I only knew a few of the films.

8:13pm… Great parody of how actresses look crappy to win Best Actress (ie, Charlize Theron). Next up is Terrance Howard, who played a pimp in “Hustle & Flow”. He played a pimp, which is an agent with a better hat.

8:14pm… Documentary Short. I picked God Sleeps on Rwanda. I mean, its Rwanda. The Academy loves Rwanda, right? Right? Maybe? Right? Wrong. Some other crap won.

8:21pm… Charlize Theron comes out. She’s here to give the award to March of the Penguins. I mean, other films were nominated, but come on, everyone loves the Penguins.

8:22pm… And we were right—The March of the Penguins. French guys who can barely speak English, some crap about some treaty that expires in 2021. And here comes Jennifer Lopez. Don’t you have to be an actress to be here? She hasn’t been an actress since Out of Sight. And here is some chick singing some song from “Crash”. This is the song I picked… however, the fun part will be seeing “Hard to Be a Pimp”.

8:23pm… There is fire on stage. People are emerging. Wait… there actually is a burning car onstage. I feel more racially equal just watching this. Or sleepy, one or the other. Its leading to this discussion:
Ashley: I hate Tom Cruise
Nikki: Really?
Me: The best part about War of the Worlds is Dakota Fanning.
Shawn: I hated Crash
Me: Better than Munich
Michael: I liked Munich.
Which lead to a discussion about Michael Jackson in Iraq
Amy: He was wearing a burque
Ashley: His nose probably fell off.
Nikki: I like the monkeys on tv.

8:31pm… ABC just showed a commercial for the Miracles Something or Other new show, where they do miracles for handicapped kids or something. Here comes Sandra & Keanu, coming out to Speed music.

8:32pm… Art Direction Award… Shawn & I picked Memoirs of a Geisha, Nikki went with Harry Potter, while everyone else went with King Kong. Memoirs of a Gay Shawn. And the Oscar goes to… Geisha! Rock on!

8:35pm… Did you know that Sammy L. Jackson is in a movie this summer called “Snakes on a Plane”? I kid you not. I’m pumped for it. Sam Jackson is one of the baddest mothers in the world. He’s doing a little montage on groundbreaking films. Erin Brockovich, To Kill a Mockingbird, The Sting, Easy Rider, The Insider… all solid, great films. Why is Day After Tomorrow included?

8:40pm… Jon Stewart just introduced the president of the Motion Picture Association of America. And I think made fun of him. Kind of funny. As this dude is talking, I think some of the audience is going to sleep. I know I might be. Nikki: What’s he talking about? Ashley: I’m bored.

8:43pm… One question. What is Salma Hayek on stage? She’s introducing the guy who is directing the orchestra, for the 18th time. And she’s got on Prozak Vulvan, doing the score for each nominated film. Ashley: “Uh… Original Bore.”

8:45pm… The popular choice is Geisha, because John Williams is doing it. I’m voting for Brokeback Mounting. Williams has won, like 40 Oscars, and been nominated about 184 times. Shawn Sharp should win Best Score.

8:46pm… Brokeback wins it. I knew it.

8:47pm… Score right now… Shawn has 8, Mikey & I have 7, Steph & Dan have 6, Nikki, Sybil, Tommy and Ashley have 5… and Drew has 4. So does Amy.

9pm… Jake Gyllenhaal doing his bit—montage on “epic” films. Ben Hur… actually, for Jake right now, it might be Ben-Him. Was that mean? =)

9:02pm… Jon Stewart: “I can’t wait to see Oscars Salute to Montages. We are actually now out of clips. Send yours in, even if they are on beta.”

9:03pm… Jessica Alba and Burton from Survivor are coming out to do Sound Mixing. She’s kinda cute. I picked Narnia to win… Shawn and Mikey picked Walk the Line. I can catch up for this one. And King Kong takes it.

9:05pm… Lily Tomlin and Meryl Streep. Michael: “Let’s find two out of work actresses and try to make them look good.” Now’s the time for the ten minute break while they give an “honorary” Oscar to someone who could never win one on his own. Its going to Robert Altman… what happens it, when someone stays in Hollywood forever, and the Academy says “hey, we should give this guy something before he croaks”, they do this honorary stuff. Lily and Meryl are just rambling and going on and on.

9:07pm… Robert Altman did Gosford Park, Nashville, The Player, M*A*S*H, Short Cuts and many others. However, most of my readers (all three of you) under 20 (two of you) won’t know hardly any of these films. Very sad.

9:10pm… He also directed “Dr T & the Women”, which Stephanie says “is the worst two hours of my life”. Nikki adds “give him the stupid award and lets move”. Michael adds “Robert Altman might die onstage.” Nikki then adds “He’s very broad shoulders.

9:11pm… He’s directing currently “A Prairie Home Companion” with Meryl Streep and Lindsay Lohan. No, I’m not making that up. Princess Shrinking Boobs herself.

9:12pm… Altman is talking, the crowd is laughing. Amy and Steph are discussing makeup, Drew and Mikey are talking about Dance Dance Revolution. So, in other words, we can’t hear a thing he’s saying. Altman is pointing to his family, which I guess includes David Crosby.

9:14pm… A commercial featuring M. Night Shamalama. I love this guy. He’s the director of Sixth Sense and The Village and Unbreakable and Signs, which were all fabulous movies. It’s a very, very long American Express commercial.

9:18pm… Ludacris is coming onstage. As a rapper turned actor, he’s probably doing the best of all the rappers turned actors. He’s making sexual innuendo jokes. But he’s introducing “Hard Out to Be a Pimp”… which is a great song. This is awesome…. Its like a bad live video. Someone on stage is named “Crunchy Black”. Don’t ask.

9:19pm… They are strategically using the word “witches” for a few select words.

9:20pm… There is a white guy. Again, don’t ask.
Drew: What’s Kirk Cameron doing up there?
Nikki: I feel like I’m watching Rent.

9:22pm… Queen Latifah is coming onstage. Drew: “Its Queen Ursula”

9:23pm… So here’s the award… I picked “In the Deep” from Crash. The Pimp song, and Dolly’s “Travelin’ Thru”. Shawn noted that DJ Qualls was on stage, which makes me think that’s the only way he’ll ever get there.

9:25pm… Yes, Hard Out Here for a Pimp just won Best Song. Its notable that only the black people in the audience are clapping. Jon Stewart just said “You know… it just got easier for a pimp.” Then he made a good point… “How come they (the Three-6 Mafia) are the only excited ones here tonight?” And yes, Three-6 Mafia just went nuts.

9:27pm… Jennifer Garner, who almost fell, just had a baby. Even if she still hasn’t lost the weight, she still looks great. She’s giving out Sound Editing. I went King Kong. And the award goes to King Kong!

9:30pm… And here’s George Clooney. Politics aside, he’s really a funny guy. And you can still here Three-6 Mafia. Here comes the death bed montage, for all the people that passed away last year. In Memoriam is what they call him.

9:31pm… Mr. Miyagi… Sandra Dee… Chris Penn… Shelley Winters… Anne Bancroft… Eddie Albert… a bunch of guys and gals I’ve never heard of… Richard Pryor… Steph made a point that she hates the fact that not everyone gets equal clapping.

9:37pm… Will Smith is up in the hizzy for the Foreign Language Film. I went with Tsotsi… and like short films, it’s a crap shoot. The Oscar goes to… Tsotsi… I’m in the running for this!

9:39pm… The winner is speaking some other language, and giving props to the kids who were in his film, Tsotsi.

9:40pm… Jon Stewart: “Just so you know… Martin Scorcese, 0 Oscars. Three-6 Mafia, 1”. Best line of the night so far.

9:41pm… Zing Zhang Zungxiixi is doing Film Editing. She can barely speak English. And the winner is “Crash”, which gives me my 10th right award of the night. Other than “Pimp”, nothing so far tonight too shocking.

9:42pm… I went with “Capote” for Adapted Screenplay… the other leaders in the group went with “Brokeback Mountain”. Truman Capote can win it or lose it for me.

9:44pm… Hilary Swank is here to give Best Actor. I find Hilary strangely attractive—I even liked Another Karate Kid.

9:45pm… PS Hoffman as Capote, Heath Ledger as the gay cowboy, Terrance Howard as a pimp, WahKeen Phoenix as Johnny Cash, and David Straithern as Edward R. Murray in Good Night & Good Luck. I picked Hoffman.

9:46pm… Philip Seymour Hoffman got it… he was robbed in Twister and Boogie Nights. I really like PS Hoffman… he’s officially made The Leap from Hall of Famer That Guy to a real actor.

9:47pm… As they showed the clip for Brokeback Mountain, Shawn said “Save a horse, ride a cowboy.” I replied “Which one is Big, which one is rich?”

9:54pm… And here comes Two Time Academy Award Nominee (which means he’ll win an honorary award in about twenty five years) John Travolta. He’s giving out Cinematography. We all picked Brokeback Mount-me. And the winner is? Memoirs of a Geisha? What? What?

9:55pm… How in the heck did Geisha win Cinematography? Its just a bunch of Asian chicks dancing in a club? Michael, responding to the camera scanning to an Asian in the crowd: “Did they just find a token Asian and point to them because Geisha won?”

9:57pm… Jamie Foxx comes out for the Best Actress Award—just know, last year’s winner for Actor gives out Actress the next year, and vice versa (hence, PS Hoffman will give out Best Actress next year). Drew picked Judi Dench, Amy picked Felicity Huffman, the rest picked Reese in Walk the Line. Felicity can steal this thing, though.

9:59pm… Please let Reese win this. Please let Reese win this. And the winner is… Reese Witherspoon. Elle just won an Oscar. Man, she looks just great. WahKeen is trying to smile… he’s trying, God love him. That was such a good movie, though… I LOVED Walk the Line.

10:02pm… She was also in Election, which was just a great movie. A definite guy movie, though.

10:05pm… Another commercial for Extreme Makeover: The Medical Edition, or something like that.

10:07pm… Here comes Dustin Hoffman, bringing out Adapted Screenplay. I picked Capote. Steph, Shawn & Mikey picked Brokeback Mounting. This is the award that will determine the winner of the Oscar Game.

10:08pm… And the award goes to… Larry McMurty for Brokeback. What sucks is, he’s the same guy who wrote Lonesome Dove, a very manly movie. And now, Steph and Shawn are the only people who can win this thing.

10:10pm… Stephanie picked Good Night, Good Luck for Original Screenplay, Shawn, Mikey & I picked Crash. Barring a crazy upset, Shawn & Steph will tie.

10:11pm… Uma Thurman, who looks like the crypt keeper, is giving out Original Screenplay now. Crash picks it up. Shawn & Steph tie. I think that Steph is going to give Shawn money for part of the $25 dollars in Rave money.

10:13pm… Now, all we can do is wait for Brokeback to win director and picture. I’m out of gay jokes. Well, that’s not true. I’ve got more, but many of them aren’t appropriate for my readers (all three of them)

10:17pm… Exchange:
Me: Everyone picked Brokeback to win.
Mikey: That’s because it will win.

10:18pm… Jon Stewart: “As I watched Brokeback win Screenplay, I thought to myself ‘I didn’t know we could wear jeans’”. (the award recipients wore jeans… you had to be there)

10:20pm… Exchange:
Steph: Don’t you just love Sense & Sensibility?
Nikki: Oh, I do
Me: I really could have married either one of you, and it wouldn’t have made much difference, I guess.

10:21pm… Ang Lee just won for Best Director for Brokeback… who taught us “aw abouw gay mens and gay womens”.

10:24pm… Here comes Jack Nicholson to give Brokeback the final award. Nikki says “He just coughed on the envelope.”

10:25pm… He’s ten years away from being Robert Altman. And for the most predictable…. HOLY CRAP….

10:26pm… CRASH JUST WON BEST PICTURE!!!! CRASH JUST WON BEST PICTURE!!!! GAY COWBOYS EVERYWHERE ARE GOING TO HOLD EACH OTHER!!

10:27pm… Three-6 Mafia is celebrating.

10:28pm… I'd give anything to see the Brokeback guys come down the aisle, having already thought they'd won it, like Derek Zoolander coming down to the Slashie Award, even though Hansel (he’s so hot right now) won the trophy. Just turning around and seeing Lenny Kravitz shaking his head, pointing to the screen that says "Crash" on it. That would rock.

10:20pm... How the crap did Crash win Best Picture? Wow.

10:29pm… Wow.

10:31pm… Wow.

10:31pm… American Inventors? This is a new show? What?

10:31pm… And Crash just won Best Picture. Holy crap.

10:32pm… Wow. Okay… hope you enjoyed our Oscar blog for the night. I’ll be posting Tuesday about my Starbucks interview and such… Only a few surprise, but they were huge ones. I'd have to say Reese looked the best for the night (though Nicole was a close second). Good night and Good Luck.