Billy Joel is My American Idol

You have to know, I love me some Billy Joel.  I mean, straight up, the man is a genius, he's ubertalented, and much of his collection is filled with memorable tunes that I could just sing at any point and time... "Only the Good Die Young"... "Allentown"... "The River of Dreams"... "The Downeaster Alexa"... "Piano Man"... "New York State of Mind"... "The Longest Time"... "Just the Way You Are" (these latter two are hugely popular with The Lovely Steph Leann). 

Some of his lesser known tunes are also fantastic, which "Leave a Tender Moment Alone" comes to mind.  And, my favorite Billy tune, "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant". 

Billy Joel rules!

Matter of fact, the short list of my ten favorite artists of ALL TIME are:  (1) Garth Brooks... (2) The Dixie Chicks... (3) Hootie & the Blowfish... (4) Michael Jackson... (5) Billy Joel... (6) Sheryl Crow... (7) Sarah McLachlin... (8) Martina McBride... (9) Whitney Houston... (10) Alison Krauss... if you wanted to include Christian artists in there, the list gets adjusted to: (1) Garth... (2) Dixie Chicks... (3) Hootie... (4) dcTalk... (5) Michael Jackson... (6) Jennifer Knapp... (7) Billy Joel... (8) Sheryl Crow... (9) Watermark... and (10) Sarah McLachlin. 

Note--this is an unscientific list, from the top of my head, as I feel that any list containing my favorite artists of all time would have to also include (in no particular order) Elton John, Gloria Estefan, Nichole Nordeman, Jars of Clay, The Monkees, ABBA, Caedmon's Call, Lionel Richie, LL Cool J, PM Dawn, Plumb, Jars of Clay, Prince, Toni Braxton, The Forester Sisters, Steven Curtis Chapman, Kathy Mattea, Weird Al, Michael Bolton and pre-skank Mariah.  (And Factor 7, natch) So if I do a post containing just such a topical list, don't come back to this and see it as gospel.  My point was to show how awesome Billy Joel is.   

All that being said, I always get a little antsy when I hear that Idolees are going to be "The Songs of (insert favorite artist here)", because while there is a good chance I'll hear a great version of a great song, there's a more than great chance I'll hear some novice goof up a great song.  Bear this in mind as you read along, knowing that I have no clue who is singing what on tonight's show.  I do know that D'Kenny G will probably screw it up, and stay anyway.  As a matter of fact, I like Kenny G, so "D'Kenny G" is too good of a name.  How about we call him... D Crappensuck?  I like it.

THIS IS

AMERICAN

IDOL

THE BILLY JOEL SHOW

While "And So It Goes", a Billy Joel standard, plays in the background, we see clips of last week's departure with Shannon Magrane.  The other Idols look somber and tearful, though its probably a guilty somber and guilty tearful because its a "Sad to see you go, but I'm glad it ain't me" feeling.  But the 10 remaining.. they get the tour.  They get the Top Ten status.  And a few minutes later, minus Shannon, we see the giggles and laughter.  Because this is how it works when you are 19 years old.

The music swells and Ryan Seacrusty strides onto the stage, welcoming us, and telling us how intense the week has been, and then introducing us to the Top Ten.   Creepy Uncle Steven says, "If you can't sing Billy Joel, you can't sing... he's an American Icon."

Then Seacrusty says, "Helping Jimmy Iovine is R&B heavy hitter Diddy!", to which I just pause and then laugh.  That led to this exchange:

The Lovely Steph Leann:  Why would you have some R&B guy, and I say R&B loosely, helping out with music like Billy Joel's?
Me: Why the heck not just get Billy Joel to help with music like Billy Joel's?
The Lovely Steph Leann:  Simple.  He'd be too drunk.

Oh, and apparently, Tommy Hilfiger is the new "Style Advisor".  I just threw up in my mouth. 

And when D'Crappensuck comes out, I did it again.

Okay, Deandre--if you happen to Google yourself and read this, I'm not picking on you.  I'm sure you are a nice kid, and I'm sure you are pleasant to be around... but I'm just not a fan of your voice.  I think you try to hard.  I think your falsetto is crazy weird.  Its not for me.  If you could sing D'Angelo's "Brown Sugar" over and over, you'd win this thing. But you can't.  And the fact that you are singing "Only the Good Die Young", one of my Top Five Billy Joel Songs Ever, this makes me nervous.  Good luck when you get kicked off.  -d$

Says Diddy... "Billy is at his hottest in this song!  He's singing about being a repressed Catholic, and he's got Christie Brinkley on the side and... you don't even know who Christie Brinkley is, do you?"

I don't know who got kicked off this week, but I do know of one who did't get kicked off... that's D'Crappensuck.  I was flipping down Facebook and saw my friend Kelly Williams Fisher's post that said, "Who keeps voting for DeAndre!  Stop it!"  I completely agree.

And he just made a wonderful song into a heaping pile of crappy poop.  J-Lo thought it was a great way to start the show.  Creepy Uncle Steven made a joke and passed it on down.  Randy the Dawg liked it to start the show... and he's wearing another weird pin thing going on.

Now, its Erika Van Pelt, who will be doing "A New York State of Mind"... personally, she would have been great to sing "Only the Good Die Young", because despite what D'Crappensuck did, that song rocks out. 

On the suggestion of Tommy Hilfiger, EVP gets her hair did, and somehow, she's a short haired brunette.  I like it, but I liked her natural locks better.  And I can't complain about how good her performance is, as it sounds really good... the new do is just distracting. 

The judges loved her song and her look.  You know, I do too.

Joshua Ledet is taking on "She's Got a Way", which isn't one of my favorite ballads, but it is a good song nonetheless.  Personally, I like "Always a Woman" or "Just the Way You Are" better, but this should be good. 

This exchange:
Joshua: I'm singing "She's Got a Way"
The Lovely Steph Leann:  Mmm.  Great song.
Diddy: Have you ever heard this song?
Joshua: No, never, not until this week
The Lovely Steph Leann:  What?  d$!  Ohmygaawwwww....

Adding a little soul to the song, J-Led sits in a chair turned backward, and you can tell he's not familiar with the song... and its a testament to his talents that he's not letting that deter him.  He's even got a choir behind him.  As Billy Joel himself sang, "Its All About Soul".

J-Lo loved this performance.  Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler just said, "I don't know that song by Billy Joel", and The Lovely Steph Leann nearly passed out.  Randy the Dawg liked it, but didn't love it. 

Great, great album.  "Shameless" is one of many great tracks.

In one of the most appropriate song choices of the night, Little Skylar Laine has picked "Shameless", which is a somewhat more obscure Billy Joel tune from 1989's "Storm Front", made hugely popular by Garth Brooks on his "Ropin' the Wind" album.   I say appropriate, because this is definately one that can be country-fied effectively, as Garth has shown above.

She starts a little shaky, finally gets her groove when she hits the chorus, somewhat molests the back of the keyboard player on stage, and then his her stride... but to me, its still not her strongest song, and I expected more of her on this one. 

Randy the Dawg asks her what version she was coming from, and she admitted that it was Garth's.  J-Lo says, "You aren't shameless, you are fearless!"  I see what you did there, J-Lo.  Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler gives her some fluff and sunshine. 

And now, its Elise Testosterone, singing one that I like, but don't know all that well--"Vienna".  I'm still wondering how she keeps ending up in the Bottom Three, but perhaps its that America thinks shes too old?   Tommy Hilfiger says she's too layered up, and really just needs to... well, I'm guessing wear less clothing.

Here she comes, with a plunging neckline.  As I listen to "Vienna", I realize my feet are slightly tapping, and I find myself enjoying this version immensely.  She's not doing a cover, she's doing her version of this song, and that's wonderful. 

And she garners a standing O from all three judges, much deserved.  The Lovely Steph Leann then interjects, "This song was in '13 Going on 30'".  The judges loved E-Test.

We come back from Break, and its Phillip Phillips!  Tommy Hilfiger tells Phillip2 that he needs some fashion help, and Phillip2 simply says, "Eh, I keep it simple." 

The song he'll be doing is "Movin' Out (anthony's song)", another great tune that I know all the words too... my favorite line is "Sergeant O'Leary is walking the beat, at night he becomes the bartender... he works at Mr. Cacchatories' down on Sullivan Street, across from the medical center..."   Diddy and Jimmy Iovine tells him to put down the guitar as he sings.

So, Phillip2, wearing grey, is singing the song while holding his guitar.   He adds a rockabilly twist to the song, and I'm not sure I love it... I like it, I don't hate it... it was just... weird.  A good weird, but weird nonethless.

J-Lo loved it.  Creepy Uncle Steven tosses his own scarf to Phillip2.  Randy the Dawg mocks Jimmy Iovine and Diddy for suggesting that Phillip2 drop the guitar and drop the grey outfits.

Looking like a cross between one of the chicks from ABBA crossed with a disco ball, Hollie Cavanaugh is going to be performing "Honesty", probably one of my least favorite Billy Joel songs.  I like it, but don't love it.

Lots of Billy Joel Ballads tonight... I wonder if Idols feel those are easier?   Dear goodness, Hollie Cav's pants are like, 8 feet long.  High waisted pants, with a disco ball top?  No thank you.

Creepy Uncle Steven says she was a little pitchy.  J-Lo loved it.  Randy the Dawg agreed with Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler.

Last season's My Next American Idol Haley Reinhart is in the audience!  Yay!

Coming in the 8th slot, its Hee Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better), and he'll being singing "My Life".  Interesting...

Diddy is trying to figure out Hee Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better), and questions if he's an actor... or a con man... or even Asian?  Tommy Hilfiger asks him who is fashion idols are, and he responds, "Jessica Sanchez... Michael Bolton..."  Tommy says, "I think Hee Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better) is testing me."

The song starts really slow, and he actually stops the piano player, saying, "This is much too slow... and I wanna dance!"  The music kicks in, he rips off his fancy schmancy shirt to reveal this goofy looking t-shirt.  The song itself sounds terrible.  But the whole thing is quite entertaining. 

I think Creepy Uncle Steven felt that Idol's credibility was taking a hit

Randy the Dawg and J-Lo are clapping, Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler is just staring, clearly not amused at all.  J-Lo says, "I don't think you hit the vocals exactly...", while Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler is, in a roundabout way telling him, "you need to take this more seriously, otherwise this business will beat the crap out of you."  Randy the Dawg enjoyed it.

And the Powers That Be that DO NOT want Hee Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better) to be the American Idol, are sweating hard right now... because though it sounded terrible, it was fun.  But I'm afraid his novelty is wearing thin, and honestly, besides Crappensuck, I think I'm ready for him to go home and not take up a spot that could be filled by Elise Testosterone or EVP.

What the crap is "Everybody Has a Dream"?  I've never heard this song in my whole life... anyway, its what J-Sanch is singing.   Well, for your info, its one of three songs that were NOT hits on "The Stranger" from 1977... the other six songs are immortal... "Movin' Out", "Scenes from" and "Only the Good Die Young" included. 

She just slayed that song, but I didn't like the song itself.  I mean, the judges are nuts about her, and they are right to be that way, but the song was kinda boring.

Last, but not least, its Colton Dixon.  Says The Lovely Steph Leann, "I hope he's doing 'Piano Man', because how can we have a Billy Joel night without 'Piano Man'?"  We wait for the song choice as Tommy Hilfiger goes on his fashion tangent.

The Lovely Steph Leann giggles in delight as Colton Dixon says, "I'm singing 'Piano Man'".  Plus, he's got the pimp spot, last for the night.  After hearing Colton do the song, Diddy says, "I wanted to buy this record from him."

Me: This... this sounds awesome.
The Lovely Steph Leann:  He's updated this song to make it modern.  This is awesome.  Campbell and I both vote yes.

J-Lo loved it.  Creepy Uncle Steven said it was stunning.  Randy the Dawg said it was sensitive and simple, but so good. 

Seacrusty asks him about the performance, and Colton just says, "I wanted God to use me."  Seacrusty then immediately goes to something else.  Oh, Seacrusty, you faker.

Best to worst:

Colton Dixon's "Piano Man"... Elise Testosterone's "Vienna"... EVP's "A New York State of Mind"... Joshua Ledet's "She's Got a Way"... Phillip2's "Movin' out (anthony's song)"... J-Sanch's "Everybody Has a Dream"... Skylar Laine's "Shameless"... Hollie Cav's "Honesty"... Hee Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better)'s "My Life"... That crap from D'Crappensuck

Disco Here. Disco There. Dis Idol Go Everywhere. (with RESULTS!)

THE RESULTS...
Just got home from The Happiest Place in the Mall, celebrating Earth Day by collecting a few thousand plastic water bottles for recycling... and now I'm here to recycle the jokes and watch the recycled group song (or fast forward, like you know I will...)

Hopped on Facebook, and thankfully I didn't see any news of who may or may not be kicked off... tonight, we lose two... because

THIS IS AMERICAN

IDOL

Seacrest lets me know the theme of the medley that I'll be skipping tonight (disco, natch) and the performance that I'll be skipping (Young Archie) so hopefully, I can miss that dreaded Ford commercial as well. The judges. Randy the Dawg, Simon the Cowell, Paula the Blunderer and Kara the New Hotness, are here, and we now watch Paula the Flake do the choreography for this week's group song.

Paula Abdul.... I used to have the hottest poster of her on my wall. She was part of my early celebrity crush lineage.... Nancy McKeon to Alyssa Milano to Debbie Gibson to Mariah Carey to Paula Abdul. Back in day, like many of today's musical jokes, Paula was awesome diggity. Seriously.

By the way, after the group song, they award Paula with some flowers... she comes onstage to hug them in a dress so short that Seacrest tells her to be careful.

Anyway, her first CD was "Forever Your Girl", but to me, the crown jewel was "Vibeology", an immaculate album of cool dance beats, fun songs and Paula at her premier hotness... and of course, it spawned one of the greatest, most epic, most incredible, most unintentionally hysterical videos in the history of the known world. Forget "The Matrix", or "Speed" or even the Oscar winning "Hardball"... no, Keanu Reeves finest moment...


I've posted this video before, but as my audience grows, I must give more chances for more people to witness this vision of visionary visions. You'll see this again when I finally do my post on my ten favorite music videos of all time...

Seacrest kills some time while the chicks change clothes... the guys do it faster. Always. Alright, Mindy D'A, dim the lights... let's start with... Lil Rounds. Her time has passed, she's gotten too many chances. Alexis Grace should be here right now. She takes a walk to the far side of the stage to the Silver Stools of Failure, though Seacrest doesn't actually say she's in the Bottom Three.

He doesn't have too, actually... he drops the bomb on her like The Gap Band, and just flat out tells her "Get out, chick." And she grabs the mic to kick Chaka Khan in the face again with her "I'm Every Woman".


Here's how the song should be sung... from one of the most underrated movies of all time... "The Bodyguard".

We're back now with Seacrest, welcoming... someone. Who? Frieda Payne? Who? Was Donna Summer really not available? They did 4,288 of her songs last night, putting Donna back in the spotlight, and she seriously couldn't find the time to come to Idol? What else is she doing? Nothing, that's what!!

Ah... here's Thelma Houston. "aaaawwwwww bbbbaaaaayyyyybbbaaaaayyy.... my heart is full and desire for you! So come on now and do what you know you gots to do!" The cut to Paula the Flake, who is standing and dancing, and Simon the Cowell has a big, toothy grin on his face. I think I've decided I want Thelma Houston to play at my birthday party this summer. Oh, come on, you know YOU would totally come to d$'s 34th Annual Birthday Bash in August if Thelma Houston was going to be there! She could just sing this song about 9 times and I'd be alright. The Lovely Steph Leann, can you get on that?

KC, sans Sunshine Band, comes out singing, what else, "Get Down Tonight". Dude looks like a trucker straight off of "To Catch a Predator". In fact, Chris Hansen might be in the second row... maybe its the botox or whatever, but KC is hard pressed to show any emotion whatever. He has this "Joker" type grin going on, and I mean Jack's, not Heath's. He's struggling to get down tonight, too. And where is the Sunshine band? Are they hanging with Donna Summer?

And we're back... alright Cindy Jo, dim the lights. Its time to show some Bottom Three-ness. One of the Silver Stools of Failure has been taken away...

Kris Allen stands up. Last night? Best performance of the night. Maybe the coolest, anyway. America votes... and Kris is safe. The Ambiguously Gay Adam stands up, with very little worry of anything, really. He's kinda got a Gay Chris Isaak coif going on, just much darker. He sits in safety.

The Widower Danny Gokey stands up. How does he actually have exactly the same amount of stubble every week? Does he time this every week? He sits. Naturally.

This now leaves Matty G, Anoop the Eyebrowed One and My Next American Idol Allison Iraheta... with two Silver Stools of Failure still unseated. Anoop nods knowingly as he is in the Bottom Two. Matty G and My Next American Idol Allison Iraheta stand up together...

Matty G... Matty G... Matty G... Matty G... please please please please....

Seacrest stretches it out as long as possible before finally sending My Next American Idol Allison Iraheta to the Silver Stools of Failure. And extra set of stools have been brought out, one for each of Anoop's eyebrows.

Young David Archuleta does his thing, I skip it entirely, and let's do the final results. KT, dim the lights. Seacrest holds the card... and Anoop Dogg is gone now. And before he sings his final song, he declares jihad on the entire show. Not good times. Its better this way, though... now the terrorists don't win. Well... considering our president... oy!

_______________________

PERFORMANCES....
Just a quick note before we start... Jason Bateman. I did a review on "State of Play" a few days ago, and Mindy D'A reminded me that I didn't mention Jason Bateman... he steals the latter half of this movie, by the way, and I can only attribute the fact that it was late when I blogged about it as the reason I left Bateman out. He is brilliant in this, and you need to know this.

Now...

THIS

IS

AMERICAN

IDOL

DISCO NIGHT

This is going to be the train wreck of the season, as it usually is. Seriously. I mean, when they are sitting around the table, and the producers are trying to come up with the themes, you reckon someone says, "Okay, we got country week... we got birth-year week... we got movie night... all the weeks are taken but one... what do we fill that one with?"

"What about Billy Joel Week? The songs of Billy Joel?"
"No, that's too old."
"What about... maybe Past Idol Tunes week? Songs from Kelly and Ruben and Taylor and Carrie and such."
"Nope, that's not good either"
And some drunk guy in the back stands up and says, "I think we should do disco week. Again!"
"PERFECT! Cause Barry Gibb was amazing last year!"

Here's what he sang... "Theres a. Light. Some kind. Of light..." It was horrendous--so bad, that to this day, I still make fun of it.

But as it is, this is Disco Week. If Lil Rounds doesn't blow this out the water, then there IS NO HOPE for her. Without a video (they probably only have one for The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert and The Goke), they let her go straight into Chaka Khan's "I'm Every Woman."

And I notice that in the hotpants she's wearing, she's got back for days. Literally, I could take this Chipotle Mexican Grill cup of ice cold Co-cola and set it on the top of that thing. She's close the judges, but her bum is straight back, rubbing the video screen.

Randy the Dawg says, "You got the party started... but..." and its not good. He says that she didnt show what kind of artist she could be, and seriously, by now, there isn't any chance she will. Kara the New Hotness says, "We've been waiting for you to sing Chaka or someone and show us what you can do... and really, I don't think its worth the wait. You literally have been every woman up there this year." Paula the Flake goes through butterflies and puppy dog tails. Simon the Cowell says it was copycat and messy.

Kris Allen is holding a guitar for Disco Week. Is there really any guitar music ever actually in any disco song you know? And he picked out "She's Works Hard for the Money" by Donna Summer, and as he says, its a song about a woman who has a great work ethic. Yep, she works hard. For her money.

I look over at The Lovely Steph Leann, smiling and simply say, "I dig this guy." She chirps, "I LOVE KRIS ALLEN!!" Dude, this is awesome. He's got the band on the stage, pounding the bongos, playing guitar and really... and this is the first time I've said this so far this season... I might consider buying a Kris Allen CD. And for the first time this year, a performance that I might actually consider in the Top 100 Coolest Things of 2009, along with Chipotle, lunch with Stan McDuffie and Mindy D'A herself...

Kara the New Hotness sings his praises. Paula... oh, Paula Paula Paula. I cannot even describe what I just heard. "Some women shop in the men's department, but few men shop in the women's department", leading to all sorts of Kris Allen Buys Chick Undies jokes... Simon the Cowell says it was completely opposite of Lil Rounds, and that it was fantastic. Randy the Dawg says it was awesome.

The Lovely Steph Leann begins a real rant... "I mean, come on, I know it was mess up Idol's perfect little word to have Kris Allen in the top two and not The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert or The Widower Danny Gokey, but REALLY!!! HE'S AWESOME!!! WHAT DOES HE HAVE TO DO??!!"

So let's now give it to The Goke himself, The Widower Danny Gokey... he's doing "September" by Earth Wind & Fire. This is a hard song for a white boy to pull off, really. I'll be honest, I make fun of (with?) the guy, but he can sing. He's got a great voice. But he's done very little to impress me so far.

This used to be my ringtone on my first cell phone I ever got. I remember using it as a wake up alarm on missions in New York City in 2005.

Randy the Dawg said he wasn't sure about the song choice originally, but he really like the version that The Gokinator made happen. Kara the New Hotness--and really, she is pretty hot, and I think she gets finer as the season goes on--loved it. She loved the pitch. Paula the Blitherer blitherers. She says he's got a sexy voice. Cindy Jo agrees. Simon the Cowell likes The Widower Danny Gokey, but didn't like the song.



My Next American Idol Allison Iraheta must defend her My Next American Idol crown against challenger Kris Allen tonight. She's doing "Hot Stuff" by Donna Summer, and chick is laying on the stairs, slinking up across the stage and if she were a) older than 16 and b) prettier, then she'd be pretty hot right about now. But as she's neither, I can say she looks pretty cool.

I love me some Jailbait Ally... but I didn't like the song all that much. Randy the Dawg thought the arrangement was overindulgent, but says she's one of the best singers in the competition. I think we've heard "And you're only 16!!" or some variation of that has been said about 53,000 times this year. Kara the New Hotness agrees with Randy the Dawg. Paula the Blubberer blubberers. Simon the Cowell says it was a brilliant performance.

And now its time for The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert. He's doing... or will destroy... "If I Can't Have You" by Yvonne Elliman, one of my favorite disco songs from that era. Seriously, I love that song.

And he turns it into a ballad. I think he's actually a pretty smart guy... he'll do a rape of a certain classic, like last week, then come back the next week and play it safe, sing it pleasantly cool, and wait for the judges to heap praises onto him. And right at the end, he throws in his "WHHHAAAAAAAAYAYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAHHHHHHH" scream. Its a patented move now. Yes, yes, the song was good. But its The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert.

Randy the Dawg says it was awesome. Kara the New Hotness says this was the most memorable performance, and I completely disagree. Kris Allen has stolen this show. Paula the Blabberer blabberers, while Simon the Cowell laughs at her. Simon the Cowell was surprised is that it wasn't Donna Summer, but loved it and the immaculate vocals.

Personally, I think The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert should have done... "YMCA"? "Macho Man"? "In the Navy"? Ha! I tell The Lovely Steph Leann this joke, and she rolls her eyes.

My favorite disco songs ever... in no particular order...

• "Dancing Queen" by ABBA, though I can't truly rule this straight disco, and if ABBA is disco, then I can't say that "Dancing Queen" is my favorite ABBA song, because its a toss up between "Mamma Mia" and "S.O.S.".
• "If I Can't Have You" by Yvonne Elliman. The real version, not the one The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert just took an Ambiguously Gay dump on.
• "Last Dance" by Donna Summer. Its quick, its fun, its sing alongable.
• "When Will I See You" by The Three Degrees. Soft. Tender. Sensative. Like me.
• "Don't Leave Me This Way" by Thelma Houston. You'd know this if you heard it... it starts out slower, then kicks in "ooooohhhhhh baby! my heart is full o'love and desire for you!"
• "The Rubberband Man" by The Spinners. I don't have a single clue what this song is about, nor do I care. Its just cool, cool funk.
• "We Want the Funk" by George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic. Can you get a much cooler name than Parliament Funkadelic. I think not.

And yes, I'm thrilled by the fact that this album is called "Kung Fu Fighting and Other Love Songs". The unintentional comedy scale just broke.

• "Kung Fu Fighting" by Carl Douglas. Seriously, how does a black man in the 70s come up with the idea of writing a song--a racist song at that, with Chinamen and Lil Sammy Chong--about kung fu movies and such? I am sure wacky terbacky was involved. (more on this at the bottom of the blog...)
• "Best of My Love" by The Emotions. "Whoa oh, you get the best of my love, whoa oh... you get the best of my love!" Possibly my favorite disco classic.

I ask The Lovely Steph Leann her favorite disco songs, and she shrugs. "I like that Yvonne song I guess... I dunno... 'I Will Survive'... maybe? I don't even know what there is..."

Thats true with Disco. I had to pull up iTunes and actually look at my Disco genre.

Back to the show, where Seacrest alludes to Matty G doing "Stayin' Alive". Could this be true?

Without hearing the version, I call it--Lil Rounds and Matty G go home. If you are The Widower Danny Gokey or The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert, you can do "Stayin' Alive" and get away with it. If you are fighting for your life, you don't do "Stayin' Alive". You find something you can absolutely nail. Something you can blow out. This song? No.

He comes out, puts a little rock/soul spin on it, and it sounds pretty good. Heck, if you are doing to do something risky and crazy, go "Atomic Dog". Who wouldn't have wanted to hear Matty G go "Bow wow wow yippee yo yippee yay"?

Randy the Dawg didn't love the song, but still says that Matty G can really sing. Kara the New Hotness says she was glad that Matty G brought disco back to the night. Paula the Wanderer wanderers, making a bowling metaphor of some sort. Right up her alley. Simon the Cowell didn't like it.

Anoop the Eyebrowed One closes out the show, and I wonder what ballad he's going to do. And I say this right before the guitar starts with the ballad music. Its a song called "Dim the Lights", and hey... the song picks up. Its one I'm not familiar with, but its by, again, Donna Summer.

When I made my prediction about who's going home, I literally forgot that Anoop the Eyebrowed One was even in this show... Randy the Dawg liked it. Kara the New Hotness liked it. Paula the Wisdomer dispenses wisdom. Er. Simon the Cowell disagrees with everyone, not liking the song at all, and thought it was the worst Eyebrowed performance by a mile.

So here's how it goes down...
Kris Allen. My Next American Idol Allison Iraheta. Matty G. The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert. The Widower Danny Gokey. The Eyebrowed Anoop Doggy Dogg. Lil Rounds.

As they are showing the clips again, and reminding you of the numbers, The Lovely Steph Leann goes on another mini-rant about Kris Allen, and how he's getting no love from the judges, and she doesn't know what he can do to make them say "you can win this thing!"

And for me, Disco Week wasn't all that bad this year. Results tomorrow night!

So after the show was over, I was still curious about Carl Douglas writing and performing "Kung Fu Fighting". I mean, really. This is like me sitting down and writing a ballad about political espionage, cause I liked those kind of films. I ventured over to Carl's Wiki page, and here is what he lists as his three factors for writing this song...

1. He liked Kung Fu movies, and had seen them recently. Granted.
2. Went to a jazz concert featuring Oscar Peterson, a legendary jazz pianist, and was inspired by some of his music
and finally...
3. Was suffering from the side effects of pain killers.


Ladies and gentleman, I think we have a winner. Option #3. Yep, I noticed its not even in sync. Just like a great kung fu movie. Everyone now... "Wha ho ho hoooooooo.... Wha ho ho hooooo..... Wha ho ho hoooooo.... Wha ho ho hoooooo...."

My Favorite Tunes (Part II)

Sometime last week, I listed my favorite songs... what I considered to be my absolute, most beloved songs out there... you can read all about that here, in case you missed it.

However, Stephen King made a good point in the back pages of a recent Entertainment Weekly. He said basically that, no matter your favorites, what are the songs you listen to the most?

Granted, I've had my iPod for just over 2 years now, and when I got a new laptop, my playcount reset to 0, but still, I have a good idea of the songs I listen to the most. Keep in mind, the good majority of my time is spent listening to podcasts of: The Dave Ramsey Show, The Rush Limbaugh Show, Car Talk, The B.S. Report and PTI, and sometimes I get to watch a Strong Bad email, Samantha Brown touring South America or Inside the Kingdom's Disney Podcasts.

Taking Stephen's point, though... I thought, "What do I listen to the most?" I made myself a "smart playlist", ie, you can set it up with tons of perimeters. I excluded audio books and TV shows, and set it up to only list the songs I'd played 11 times or more. And this is what it came up with:

Played 11 times on my iPod:
"Cowboy Take Me Away" by The Dixie Chicks. Love it. Call me names, I don't care. Makes me think of Dana Mitchell in that Samford step sing skit many years ago.
"Sorry to a Friend" by Edwin McCain. Yes, yes, his first big hit was "Solitude", but to me, this is a much better song. Of course, now all you hear from Edwin on the radio is "Could Not Ask for More" or "I'll Be". Its a travesty, really.
"Fergalicious" by Fergie. Its actually the video. Originally, before I moved to the laptop, this was closing in on 40 plays. I will now go slam my head in our garage door.
"Learn to Fly" by The Foo Fighters. Speaking of the Foo, the website The Smoking Gun lists celebrity "riders", or contract specifications of bands and artists when they perform somewhere. Sometimes its something simple, like "no shellfish because of allergies" or whatever. Other times, it borders on ridiculous. One band asks for all the green M&Ms to be removed. I bring that up to say The Foo Fighter Concert Rider is absolutely hysterical.


"Callin' Baton Rouge" by Garth Brooks. This song is fun to sing, especially when you are so off key, cats and flies are both dying... "aaaaahhhhperator wont you put me on through I gotta send my love down to Baton Rouge hurry up won't you put her on the line I gotta talk to my sweet girl one more time ooooh ooooh ooooh sweet Baton Rouge...."
"Until I Fall Away" by The Gin Blossoms. Oh, where did the Blossoms go? Anywhere they'd go, I'd follow them down.
"Fading Like a Flower (everytime you leave)" by Roxette. You know those bands that have songs that everyone knows, like "The Look" or "Must've Been Love"? And those bands that have songs that really, only their fans would know? Yeah, I give you this song.
"I Have Nothing" by Whitney Houston. You ask me why, I repeat the title of this song.

Played 12 times on my iPod
"King of Pain" by Alanis Morissette. The live version from her Unplugged album, which is simply fantastic. This is the song by The Police, but I daresay she improved it.
"Uninvited" by Alanis Morissette. Also, the live version, from the Unplugged album. This is the song that was featured in "City of Angels", a movie that I hope Nic Cage takes solace only in the fact its not "Capt Corelli's Mandolin"
"Full Moon" by Brandy. This is way back before she became a mom and ran people over. Anyway, this song is da bomb dot com... its tight. I don't really know all the words, though, but I'm pretty sure somewhere in here she says, "We can dance if you want, get to crackin' if you like". I'm not sure I want to know what that means.
"Hole Hearted" by Extreme. Before they wussed out on us with "More than Words", they were a rockin' little band. This song takes me back to 8th grade. Way back.
"One Hundred Years" by Five For Fighting. The Lovely Steph Leann really likes this tune, and really, I can't blame her. Its a smooth little ditty.
"The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson. Pretty much the newest song on the entire Played 11+ Times playlist, its also fun to sing. Short and sweet.


"Stay" by Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories. Speaking of fun to sing, this is #1 on my "Favorite Songs to Walk Around and Sing Endlessly" because when you do, chances are someone will join you. And this is one of those songs that, if you ask me to sing the 2nd verse (which, you wouldn't) I couldn't do it without first racing through the first verse and chorus. You can't start in the middle of this song. Go ahead, watch the video. Be entranced. Do it.
"3 AM" by Matchbox Twenty. I consider this my Melanie Jackson song from 1997. That's all I got.
"Chains" by Tina Arena. "Oooh" starts it out, with a finger snap, a couple of beats and a clap. Then another finger snap, another couple of beats and another clap. Its almost like a game... and Aussie singer Tina Arena can wail, I tell ya. I don't think I realized she's kinda hot too, at least, in 1995.

Played 13 Times on My iPod
"Two Tickets to Paradise" by Eddie Money. Looking over my list, this is the most surprising, really. Its just a 70s classic. I liken Eddie Money to Pat Benetar, and a few select others... first, you don't realize how many songs they actually had until you pay attention, then you realize that you like more of them then you thought.
"Barracuda" by Heart. I tried to play this on Guitar Hero a few weeks ago. I got about halfway through it, then fell completely apart. Ooooohhh Barra-cuda.

Played 14 Times on My iPod
"I'll Be Okay" by Amanda Marshall. On my list of saddest songs ever, a few years ago, this one came in strong. Its very, very painful, when you listen to it, but its a deceptive pain. Its not all touchy, feely ballady slow, its actually got a simple beat to it... featured in "My Best Friend's Wedding", its about letting go of someone who wants someone else. See these eyelids? Fire pokers are going through them now.
"Poison" by Bell Biv Devoe. In keeping with the sad, weepy songs list... ha! Contains perhaps some of the greatest, wisest advice anywhere... "Never trust a big butt and a smile..."
"Alone" by Heart. Back in the day, Nancy and Ann Wilson had it going on.

Played 15 Times on My iPod:
"Linger" by The Cranberries. I mean, let's talk about college, shall we? This is the song I remember when I'm hanging out with Miranda Bryant until 3 am (I must be lonely), while waiting for Bobby and Mandy to come back from the golf course, or I remember from wondering what Kathy Hollingsworth saw in Jerrod Whatshisnuts, and why she wouldn't go out with me... "you know I'm such a fool for you... do you have to, do you have to, do you have to let it linger..."
"Someone Saved My Life Tonight" by Elton John. Techinically, my favorite Elton John song is "Take Me to the Pilot", but you know how many times that one has been played? Twice. I will say that "Tiny Dancer", my other favorite Elton tune has a 9 time play record. Still, this one is The Lovely Steph Leann's favorite Elton, and really, I can't fault her for it.
"Clarity" by John Mayer. Not even sure how this ended up being played so many times. Not that its a bad song... its like seeing "Men In Black" 15 times. Its good, but really? Have I seen it that much?
"Loungin' (who do you love)" by LL Cool J. The polar opposite of "Clarity", I'm actually shocked I haven't heard this song more. Just don't ever read the words too closely--much like any song by Janet Jackson--because your minds are too pure. Cool J says so much without being offensive... mostly, anyway. He rocks. This was actually the first dance song at our friends DeLisa and DeNick's wedding. Cool J is part Greek, I think.
"Snow (hey oh)" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers. The 13th coolest thing of 2007, played endlessly for a few weeks, then some here and some there. Catchy.

Played 16 Times on My iPod
"How to Save a Life" by The Fray. I discovered this song before I discovered Grey's Anatomy. Actually, it was Scotty Latta who steered me their way... I remember on his Rammer Jammer Blog (R.I.P.), he mentioned how much he liked this band.

Played 19 Times on My iPod
"Light in Your Eyes" by Blessid Union of Souls. I re-discovered this song last year, and realized how addicted I am to it. The line that says, "...it's been a while since I've seen you, so how have you been? Did you get my letter I wrote you that I did not send..." Freakin' ouch. Seriously.

Played 20 Times on My iPod
"Cable Car (over my head)" by The Fray. I'm noticing how many times the ( ) are used in songs. It's like, you want to give your song a cool title, like "Cable Car" or "Snow" or "Loungin", but you know that everyone is going to call it by the words they hear several times in the song, so just add a ( ) to it, and that makes it okay. Add an (over my head) or a (hey oh) or a (who do you love) and its all better. Is this an overused cliche?

Funny thing is, when I had to reformat iTunes, the #1 song played on my iPod was Reese Witherspoon's "Wildwood Flower", then until I got a laptop, the #1 song was "Cable Car (over my head)". And now, since the laptop, everything started over again, here we are again.

Bonus list... songs that have been played 10 times and are ready to make the leap:
"Head Over Feet" by Alanis Morisette... "Sister Golden Hair" by America... "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers... "You're So Vain" by Carly Simon... "What a Fool Believes" by The Doobie Brothers... "Rocket Man" by Elton John... "Vehicle" by Ides of March... "Running on Empty" by Jackson Browne... "The Remedy (I won't worry)" by Jason Mraz... "Bye Bye" by Jo Dee Messina... "Rock Your Body" by Justin Timberlake... "Stand Up" by Ludacris... "Holy Roar" by the Passion Worship Band, featurin Christy Nockels... "Baby I'm Yours" by Shai... "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" by Sophie B. Hawkins... "Jimmy Olsen's Blues" by The Spin Doctors... "Drops of Jupiter" by Train... and "La Grange" by ZZ Top.

My Favorite Tunes, Part I

So, for about 16 years, my favorite songs have really remained unchanged.

Some songs that could be considered are "Maybe I'm Amazed" by Paul McCartney & Wings, "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John, "Running from an Angel" by Hootie & the Blowfish, "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers, "Roam" by the B-52s, "Dilemma" by Nelly (ft. Kelly Rowland), "Come Undone" by Duran Duran, "You're So Vain" by Carly Simon,

At #5 on my list is "Head Over Heels" by Tears for Fears, from the album "Songs from the Big Chair". The opening tune is melodic, and on the album version, there is an awesome instrumental that leads to a live version.

"Head over Heels" had been developed nearly two years prior as part of a segue with the song "Broken", which was previously a stand alone B-side to the 1983 "Pale Shelter" single. As the two songs share the same piano/synth motif, "Head over Heels" eventually came to be sandwiched in between two bookend parts of "Broken" in live performances. This placement carried over to the final track listing of the Big Chair LP, with a studio recording of "Broken" preceding the song and a live reprise following it. The song features guitarist Roland Orzabal on lead vocals.

For #4 on the list, "Not the Only One" by Bonnie Raitt, from the "Luck of the Draw" album. I like it because its bluesy, it jazzy, its sweet and its fun. "I was in a daze, movin' in the wrong direction... Feelin' that I'd always be the lonely one... Then I saw your face, on the edge of my horizon... Whisperin' that I wasn't the only one... The lonely one..." I've managed to get alot of Bonnie's stuff, and you know what... I really like it.

At #3, its the smooth sound of Brenda Russell, backed up by Joe Esposito, with "Piano in the Dark". It was actually on her album "Get Here", though the title song was actually covered by Oleta Adams for a huge hit.

You know how, sometimes, the lyrics can be really, really cheesy, but if the right voice sings it, the cheese goes away? Alicia Keys gets a pass on that with "Fallin", because the lyrics are kinda dumb. Same thing with "Get Here". No one would take it seriously... unless you have a voice like Oleta Adams singing it. But I digress.

As written on February 28th (the bottom of the column), music is difficult for me to rank. But I've made a decision. So, for the first time in 16 years, I can declare that I have a new favorite song.

At #2, from both the original soundtrack to the highly underrated movie "Boomerang" starring Eddie Murphy (the soundtrack is really good too, introducing Toni Braxton, and a great song from TLC) and "The Bliss Album...? (Vibrations of Love and Anger and the Ponderance of Life and Existance)" which, itself is also a very good R&B, hippity hoppity album...


Funny thing is, the album featured in this video is not the album that features the song. "I'd Die Without You" by P.M. Dawn

And my favorite song, from the album "Fumbling Towards Ecstasy" (a superb CD, possibly one of my favorites)... I can't put the video on here, so just go here and watch it.

Whats your favorite song?