i ain't got time to bleed

So there's that scene in "Predator" where Jesse "The Body" Ventura, who is "Blain" in the movie, looks up at the area where the Predator must be hiding and says, "Sum-gun is dug in like an Alabama tick..." The guy next to him says, "You're hit! You're bleeding!"

Without dropping his gaze from the forward glance he keeps, he spits his tobacco and says, "I ain't got time to bleed."

Feel that way about blogging... "I ain't got time to blog."


By the way, I was at a cookout yesterday, and my friend Tuck, sitting to my right, asked my other friend Kady K, sitting to my left, "Have you ever read d#39;s blog? It's really good. I don't read it every day, but it's one of the few blogs I do read on a regular basis." Then he looked at me and said, "You're a really good writer. You are really animated when you tell stories, and very descriptive."

Pardon me if I repeat myself from previous blogs, perhaps recent ones, but life just takes off and never looks back, Mach 3 with your hair on fire... that's a Top Gun reference for ya, there. Actually talked to someone the other day who said they had never seen Top Gun. I said a prayer for their eternal soul at that exact second.

Yes, I am a Disney Vacation Planner... I use the name Disney on a Dollar, as part of Magical Vacations By Me Travel, and it has kept me up nights, gotten me up early, challenged by multi-tasking skills and organizational fortitude...

...but y'all, I love it. It fires me up. It makes me happy. To help people maximize their time and money spent at Walt Disney World, and even at Disneyland and on the cruise, I just enjoy the heck out of it... I only expect it to be busier.

And yet, I miss the crap out of what I'm doing right here. I'm a writer. THEN a travel planner. Obviously, my blog ain't paying the bills (right now, anyway), so I had to turn Disney travel from a "Hobby" into a "Hustle". And hustlin' I've been... and now that its flowing free, now that it's on a track, a routine, a method of madness, it's time to steer my gaze back to this here page...

Coming up 1000 posts in the very near future, and a summertime is always fun to do something... before, I've had various themes over the course of the Summer, all geared towards blogging, writing and posting much more--and this summer is no exception.

Well, like Paramour sang, "you are... the only exception..." and to that, it's my consistency. I can promise to you "oh yeah, I'll write every day, I'll blog every day, it's my challenge!!!" but guess what... it just ain't happening. I might want it to happen. Maybe I think it should. But it ain't happening every day.

This summer is my Summer of Happy. From now til Labor Day, things that make me happy. Tangible things. Intangibles. People. Places. Food. Food. More food. And whatever. I've got a list of some things I'll post about. There are many more things that I know will be discovered over the summer. Maybe I'll post a couple of times per week. Maybe not. Maybe it's now July, you are re-reading this and thinking, "Well... its only been 44 days since he posted... maybe something is coming soon."

Speaking of which, did you know that I have now hit 57 days without a single bit of carbonation? I gave up not just Cokes and Cherry Cokes, but anything carbonated, including Ginger Ale, which I dig, and Cheerwine, which is my favorite Soda of Ever. Is that a humblebrag. Absolutely.

Where was I? Oh yeah, rambling on and on about blogging and so forth and what not.

Anyhoo... crap, did I just say "anyhoo"? Well, at least you'll never hear me say "peeps" or "Totes adorbs" or worse yet, "Gorg" with any sort of seriousness in my voice. I mean, "Gorg", really? Does it take much more effort to say "gorgeous"? Or just kick that word out and say, "Beautiful". More meaning. 

Oh yeah, from now til Labor Day, I'm setting myself an unreachable goal of blogging 75 posts and writing 75,000 words. Like, there's no way I'll make that, or even come close. But I refuse to give this writing up... I refuse to stop... I refuse to cede.

I ain't got time to cede.

(elaborate set up for poorly executed last joke. boomsauce.)

Just Like a Prayer

Tonight, we met little Clara Hope.  Our friends Dave and Mandi Tuck's first, a little girl all wrapped snug in pink, looking as cutie-patootie as you could possibly imagine.  Mommy was good, and we met Daddy's own parents--Tuck's pop is awesome, complete with a bow tie and high socks, with his khakis stuffed into his socks, looking like he just stepped out of a 1958 television set--even though Tuck himself was in law class. 

Clara Hope being so cute is just one more piece of evidence in our theory that there is only so much cuteness to go around, and The Lovely Steph Leann and I are sorely afraid that we won't get any for our own kid.  Cause, whether you admit it or not, there are in fact ugly babies out there, and even though we'd like to think we could recognize an unattractive baby if we had one, we both know that we'll think our baby is gorgeous.   We'll listen for key words like "Precious" and "So sweet" to let us know that you think our child is a troll. 

Bear with me, I'll come back to this...

So, the other day, I'm wandering around behind the bar at work, humming and singing to myself as I am wont to do sometimes... the song of choice was Madonna's hit from 1992, "Like a Prayer".   I was softly singing, "Life is a mystery... and we all must stand alone... I hear you call my name... and it feels like... home... when you call my name, it's like a little prayer, I'm down on my knees, I want to take you there, in the midnight hour, I can feel your power, just like a prayer, you know I'll take you there..."

And for whatever reason, I stopped singing.  Then I slowly began to recite the words in my mind and came to a stark realization... this song is kinda dirty.  Like, really, really dirty.  Like, its all about sex.  So, for almost 20 years, I've been singing this song without a clue.

I guess it makes sense, I just never really paid much attention to it.  But it gave me true pause, because I was like "Wow... I guess I'll listen a little differently to this now..."  I did mention this to Melanie right after, and she stared at me. "Uh... duh.  Why do you think the Catholics went nuts over that song?  It was all dirty and stuff."

So, back to the Tucks.  We dropped off a meal at their house tonight... in our Sunday School Life Connection Class at Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship), when a couple in our class has a baby, we all sign up and bring them meals.   Of course, The Lovely Steph Leann and I both agree that we won't get much food when Camp/Lorelei shows up, because in all our years of babies in our class, we've taken meals to two couples... The Halperts and The Tucks.  And The Halperts just moved back to Houston, so we've crossed them off the list.  Hey, The Tucks, we like pasta, and I love cheesecake.

After we left The Tuckstead, we went off to find our own dinner, and we got into a discussion between Olive Garden and O'Charley's.  She asked me if I'd rather have one or the other, and I simply replied, "Either, don't care.  Kinda the same, aren't they?"

Pause.

"Huh?" The Lovely Steph Leann asked.

"O'Charley's and Olive Garden... kind of the same, aren't they?  Like, I can't really tell them apart," I shrugged.

"Holy crap, d$, Olive Garden is Italian!  O'Charley's is American.  They aren't anything alike!  You really don't know the difference?"

"Ah.  So the endless pasta bowl is..."

"Olive Garden, the Italian Place."

"So, which one is it that when you are there, you are family?"

"Olive Garden.  Wow.  You really don't know?"

"Sorry," I shrugged again, "just never paid much attention."

So, we ended up a O'Charley's, because it wasn't out of the way like Olive Garden (we were on 31, traveling from Pelham, headed to our home on 280, so 119 was the easiest route).  For the record, dinner wasn't that great, she had a salad which she liked, but some potato soup which was drenched in cheese, while my baked potato wasn't fully cooked, and some seafood which was straight out the white bag that you get fish sticks from, in the frozen food section of Publix.  The bread was good, though it took forever to get any, then took another set of forevers to get another basket. 

During dinner conversation, I did mention the "Like a Prayer" revelation, and how it took me 18 years for it to click concerning the meaning of this.  The Lovely Steph Leann laughed, then said, "That doesn't surprise me."

Wait... what?

"Well," she explained, "you don't really think like that.  That's not how your mind works."  I explained that, you know, I'm a boy, so I think dumb stuff all the time, and she replied, "I didn't say it was necessarily a bad thing, to not think that way."  Essentially, she was saying I can be a bit naive.  And, as observed with the O'Charleys vs Olive Garden conversation, many times I also and extremely unobservant.

The waitress came over, and brought our food, and left.  The Lovely Steph Leann whispered to me to look at the waitress to see if she reminded me of someone that I knew.  When the waitress came back around to refill the tea glass, and then left, The Lovely Steph Leann said, "Did you see it?" and I, of course, replied, "Did I see what?"  And I wasn't joking.  I completely forgot about looking at the waitress.

Naive, forgetful and unobservant.  Sigh.  Guess that is true.  I'm always saying things that are taken entirely in a different, sometimes, negative thing that I didn't mean.  Many times I'll do things that are also taken completely out of the context in which I meant it... which is to say, I speak and act before I think about it, many times.

And it tends to bite me.  Especially in the blogging world.  Now, I'm 760+ posts into Clouds in My Coffee, six years later, and I've written a lot.  Like, a lot a lot.  Like, a whole bunch a lot.  And I've gone back and read many things I've written and thought to myself, "Did I really say that?" or "Wow, that's a little bold..." or "Um... I probably shouldn't have said that either."  And there are many things that I have written out of complete innocence, without a negative thought in the world that I read later and think, "Yeah, I meant that this way... but I can totally see how it can be taken that way."

I'm completely committed to my darling wife (love you much baby doll), completely loyal to her, but I've come upon a few sentences here and there written in years past that, if you didn't know me or just stumbled upon that one single post without reading anything else, you might think, "Hmmm... whats going on with this guy?"  I've found myself doing some editing and "fixing" from years past, just to make sure that if you do stumble upon such things, you won't have that "hmmm" moment.

I guess years ago, when the blog first started, and like, ten people per day was pulling this up, it wasn't a big deal because, who's going to read this?  Nobody, right?  But now?  The Summer of Blogging is pulling down 100+ hits per day, and with that comes the random person surfing the site and who knows what they will find.  I've got 100 people that know me that will read what I write and know I'm joking, they will know I'm not being malicious or out of bounds... but there's always those few people who don't know me well enough.  Then again, that's on me... I should say and do things that no one has a chance to question, right?  Right. 

Thus is the eternal struggle to be funny and myself to those who know me, and yet be above reproach and appealing for those who don't. 

Does this make sense?  I guess I don't want my own blog to be a stumbling block to me or anyone else, and especially glorifying--at the least, honorable--to Christ.  Perhaps it would help if I just paid attention to what I was saying or doing.   I mean, heck... Naive + Speaking before thinking x unobservant = lots of defending myself.  Not good times.  Bad times indeed. 

Am I naive?  Probably.  Is that something to be ashamed of?  I dunno.  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Unobservant?  I'm sorry, what was the question?

When you read my blog, its like a little prayer, I'm down on my keyboard I want to take... well, never mind.  Let's not even go there.

The Summer of Blogging Day Fifty One

100 Coolest Things of 2009... #30 to 21

Continuing our list of the absolute 100 coolest things of all 2009...

The 30th Coolest Thing of 2009... Tyler Gets Woked Up
See, now would be a good time to, if you are on Facebook, click over to Clouds in My Coffee so you can see this video.  Its absolutely out of your mind hysterical.  That's Tyler, my brother in law, as the main victim of this senseless travesty of sleep deprivation.



By the way, they set up the entire drumset in the bedroom, all while Tyler was completely asleep.  If there's one thing I've learned from The Lovely Steph Leann, its that those Campbells can sleep anywhere and through anything.

The 29th Coolest Thing of 2009... "The Hangover"
In a post entitled "Not Emmy Turnbow Safe" from June 27th, 2009, I explain quite simply at how this movie is... well, not Emmy Turnbow safe. 

From that post:  Simple premise is, three guys take their buddy for a night stay in Vegas for a bachelor party… all three have distinctly different personalities, all three are played to the hilt, and all three react differently when they wake up in their now-trashed hotel room the next morning, a tiger in the bathroom, a baby in the closet, one guy missing a tooth and the groom completely disappeared. None of them can remember a thing about the night, but they start backtracking their steps to find out what happened, and why Mike Tyson ends up in their hotel room. And where the tiger came from. And why one of them is missing a tooth. And why there is a baby in the closet. And why... come to think of it, this sounds like The Lovely Steph Leann's bachelorette party.

This movie had me rolling... I'm not proud of saying that, but there it is. 

The 28th Coolest Thing of 2009... "The Hurt Locker"
From December 7th, where you can also read about what might be the greatest year in film history... "The Hurt Locker" is about a group of solders in Iraq that disarm Improvised Explosive Devices, or IEDs, which are really just like they sound--simply made bombs that are triggered by tripwires, or remotes or whatever, made to kill people, namely American soliders.

There are three main reasons why I thought this film was brilliant... first, the lack of superstars helps this movie quite a bit.  Jeremy Renner, Anthony Mackie and Brian Geraghty have been in other stuff, but you likely won't remember much of it. Taking away this stardom almost makes this feel like its a documentary more than anything else, like what you are seeing on screen is actually happening 5,000 miles and a half-dozen time zones away--maybe because it is.

Secondly, its not preachy. Anyone who has read this site enough will know I'm not into being preached at by films that are supposed to entertain. It doesn't dive into politics, into why we are there, why we are or are not winning or losing the war, or anything else. It just tells its story.

Finally... its just a really good movie. Its a movie about war, so none of the language is Emmy Turnbow Safe, and it does have its bloody moments, but its paced well, it doesn't veer into subplots (much... there is one small one, but it resolves itself quickly) and after its over, you just nod your head and say, "That's a good movie."

The 27th Coolest Thing of 2009... Rebecca Jourdan Samuelson
I think I've told this story before, but I'll tell it again as a reminder.  Back in 1998, I moved to Birmingham.  Back in 1998, I didn't have alot of... well, I really didn't have any friends.  I had begun attending Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship) and had a few people here and there I had met.  People that, in a dire emergency, I'm sure I could have called upon and expected an answer, though probably more out of Christian fellowshippy obligation than loyalty to me.

Back in October of '98, I worked at Parisian Corporate, back when Parisian still existed and was owned by Saks Fifth Avenue.  Back then, they owned McRae's, Bergners, Yonkers and a few other places, and were a booming department store chain.  Anyway, I worked in the Home Department buying office at the time, and this chick I had met at church was working a few departments down.  Rebecca Jourdan.  We struck up an unlikely friendship, and she, for lack of a better word, "took me under her wing", almost becoming this Big Sister type that I needed.

When my car broke down--and this happened alot--she would drive from Cahaba Heights to Lorna Road (no, not GuadalaHoover, it was closer to the 65 side) to pick me up.  We shared a meal or two, and she'd always buy.  I got behind on rent, she gathered the Sunday School class she'd invited me to, and gotten me to attend, and collected enough money to pay my rent once. 

She was my friend, and I hers.  She even drove me to and from the dentist when I got my wisdom teeth pulled... I think in my possible delirium of being high on Novacaine (or whatever they use) I told her I loved her... or maybe that she loved me... or that I was hungry... or who knows. I was drooling.  And she walked me and helped me pass out on the couch--helping you walk to a couch while your mouth is full of cotton and your shirt is soaked with dripping saliva is a sign of a true friend.

Time went by, and she got closer to the guy she was seeing... and she married... and then moved to Mississippi.  It wasn't like she just up and left and didn't tell anyone, but in a way, that's kind of what happened.  By that time, I had met the guys who would eventually join me in The Deuce, had gotten more involved in Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship) and our friendship, at least for that season, had kind of run its course. 

Through the years, I asked a few people that knew both of us what had happened to Rebecca... and always got the same answer:  "I dunno".  But one day, the same thing that has happened to a thousand people across the country happened to me--I found her on Facebook.  And emailed her immediately.  She emailed back, and we had re-connected.  We agreed to meet for lunch at Roly Poly, a place I'm not a huge fan of, but if Rebecca had said, "Meet me for lunch at the Dog Poop Cafe", I'd had been there.

I saw her, gave her a huge, huge, huuuuge hug and was so happy I had my friend back.  We chatted over lunch and I was able to tell her truly how God had used her my life,  We talk back and forth every now and again, but I know how to find her now, which I didn't for something like 8 years... thanks Rebecca.  You truly are an angel.

The 26th Coolest Thing of 2009... "My Live Would Suck Without U"
Leave it to Kelly Clarkson to toss out a tune that blows me away.  Not only was she was the 6th coolest thing of 2005, but her song "Behind These Hazel Eyes" was the 25th coolest thing of that same year. 

And this year, she releases a song from her fourth album, "All I Ever Wanted"... and its loud, its booming, its up tempo and its so easy to sing when you are driving 85 down the interstate... "becaaaaause we beeeelooooong tooooogeeethaaaaa now, yeah, forever uniiiiiiiited here somehow, yeah... you got a piece of me... and honestly... my life (MY LIFE!) would suck (WOULD SUCK!) without you...!!!"

Be honest.  You are singing it now, aren't ya?   And like 2005, Kelly Clarkson has the... second... coolest song of the year.

The 25th Coolest Thing of 2009... David & Amanda Tuck
One of the things that The Lovely Steph Leann and I do alot, perhaps well, is socialize.  We love meeting new people and we love "double dates" with othe couples.  We've reached out and established great relationships with people like KT & J Rob (though sadly we don't get to see them nearly as much as we used to, since they moved 42 miles out of town).

We were all in one big class, led by Emmy Turnbow and her hubby Jason, and we ended up meeting David and Amanda Tuck, this 20something couple that hadn't been married too long.  He's kinda country, she's kinda country, they are both down to earth fun people.  You know those kind of couples that are so darn cute, its almost irritating, but you can't be irritated with them at all because they not only are cute, they are so darn sweet?  Yeah, thats the Tucks.

Well, the class got really big... and at one point, the class split like some church classes do.  We moved to the new class, the Tucks remained, so like some other couples that we enjoy (back to KT and J Rob again), we only see them in passing at church... though when we do see them, great hugs and big handshakes ensue.

The Tucks are on our list of couples to spend more time with.   

The 24th Coolest Thing of 2009... Disney With the Family
One of the benefits of The Happiest Place in the Mall is the Most Magical Benefits on Earth.  That means as a cast member, I get to go to Disney World for free... well, free admission, and half-off on stays at the resorts.  One of our great joys is to be able to take people with us as well, and last September, we were able to take The Lovely Steph Leann's sister Angie, and Nephew Benny and Niece Maddie.

As many trips as I have taken to Disney World, I don't end up talking a whole lot about them on the blog, mostly because it might be the same ol, same ol after a while... we rode this, we rode that, we ate here, it was good, and so on.  Much like a billion pictures on Facebook all kind of run together.

This was a special trip, though, because in taking the Sis and kids, we were able to take with us a family that wouldn't normally be able to go, mostly because of the cost.  Let's face it, if it weren't for the benefits of the job, The Lovely Steph Leann and I would only go once a year, maybe once per 18 month period. 

You should check out the trip report, though, from September 27th, called "T-Rex Tired", if for no other reason than to read about an exasperated mother of two do battle with an incomptent waitress...  I wrote:  In case you were wondering, yes we did leave her a tip, which flew in the face of everything I believe in when it comes to tipping. Why? Maybe I felt bad for her. Hell hath no fury like a exhausted, weary, fatigued mom of two exhausted, weary, fatigued, fussy children under 12 who just wants quesadillas with meat and cheese on them. I think that's in Proverbs.

The 23rd Coolest Thing of 2009... Justin Fisher
This guy is just awesome.  First time I remember having a conversation with him, though we might have spoken in passing previous to this, was about the first time I had a real conversation with Hurricane Rhett. 

Several years back, at the wedding of Rad-a-Tad Roose and his wife Gina, The Lovely Steph Leann and I were sitting at a downstairs table at the reception, along with Hurrican Rhett and his wife, Amarylis By Morning (up from San Antone) and JustFish, with his wife Kelly.  The conversation went something like this.

Me: I like that dress (referring to Amarylis By Morning (up from San Antone))
Hurricane Rhett:  I like it too.  Though I like it better when its draped over my headboard.
JustFish (looking at his own wife): Agreed.

Through that exchange, I knew I had found some guys I could relate to. 

JustFish is one of the leaders of our Sunday School Life Connection class that I referred to earlier when discussing The Tucks, and not to slight the other guys that lead, but JustFish is pretty amazing when he's teaching.  He's a teacher of economics by profession (when I want to know some law stuff, I talk to the Clouds in My Coffee Ombudsman Brad Latta... when I want some economic stuff, I go to JustFish) so he's got the lecture skills down. 

He's got a brilliant spiritual mind and is one of those approachable guys you feel like you could sit with and chit chat about light stuff like, "So, pre-destination?  Was I ordained to ask that?" or "Revelation. We win.  But how?"

Anyway, 2009 was really the year I got to know this guy fully, and am pleased and proud to call him my friend. 

The 22nd Coolest Thing of 2009... "It" by Stephen King
I read this book when I was about 15 years old.  "It" was released in 1986, and was a behemoth of a book to tackle.  I vaguely remember it taking me a good week or two to finish it, but I do remember devouring it.  It was a good 1000+ pages, had a ton of characters, but it had something that I liked in books... kids that were close to my age, and I was able to relate.

"It" is the story of a group of kids in the 50s, dubbed "The Losers Club" for their outcast status, who confront a monster, and evil entity that has suddenly (re)awakened under the town of Derry, Maine.  The book also parallels the same kids as grown ups in the 80s, scattered across the globe, all being drawn back to Derry because of the promise they'd make--if it came back, they would too.  And It does.  And they do.  And it has one of the scariest interpretations of a clown, ever.  Pennywise.  Not a fan.  Well, "It" is more of a spirit being, but the clown is the form it takes... I'm sure that makes you feel better.

There's a good lesson to be learned here--never trust anyone who lives in a sewer, especially if its a clown. 

They made a mini-series in 1990, starring John Boy, Jack Tripper, Judge Harry Stone and Seth Green, among others, and if you ever watch it, just remember the first part is awesome, the second part not so much.  Tim Curry plays Pennywise, though, and he, pardon the pun, kills it. 

The Lovely Steph Leann had purchased a hardcover copy of the book for Christmas one year, a gift that I was very pleased with.  The problem was, this book is huge... and heavy.  So I went out and bought a paperback copy of it, one that I could bend up a little, and wouldn't mind if it was a little ragged after I was done.  And I dove right in... and realized how much I had forgotten in the almost 20 years it had been since I'd read "It". 

Because my time is so limited for just sitting and reading, it was hard to get through quickly--it took a month.  I would read the paperback at work, or on the road (I finished in in June, on the way to Disney World while sitting in the passenger seat of St'ray's SUV), but while at home, I would pick up the hardcover, find where I left off and get through a chapter or two before going to sleep. 

"It" is brilliant.  The book tells the story of the kids in the 50s and adults in the 80s side-by-side, one chapter happening then, another happening now.  You gain real empathy for the heroes in the story, while you really hate the bad guys, which go beyond just a creepy clown... and unlike the mini-series, the ending of the book is satisfying, if not making you feel like it ended where it should, without carrying on a little too far. 

There are a select number of books that are consider "masterpieces" by Stephen King--one would be "The Stand", almost a magnus opus.  Another would be "The Dark Tower", though thats a series of seven books that I've heard are both awesome and uneven.  "The Shining" and "'Salem's Lot" are also considered with high regard as early novels.  But there are many books I've flipped through that discuss Kings work, and almost all of them consider "It" to be his overall best work. 

Me?  I considered this to be my favorite of King's work... and still do, though admittedly, having read "'Salem's Lot" three times in three years, its getting close.

(oh, and after I finished writing this post, I was adding links, and I found out that "It" is coming to audiobook in May.  Who's excited?  MeMeMe!!!)

The 21st Coolest Thing of 2009... The Gators Win the Title
Go Gators!  Go Gators!  Go Gators!  Go Gators!  Go Gators!!

Coming up... my favorite blog of the year... my favorite podcast of the year... my favorite Starbucks manager of the year... my favorite book of the year... and more...