reviewing 1989

A few days ago at Target, I bought Taylor Swift's new album "1989", or as it's been called in some places, "T.S. 1989", and here is a track by track review… keep in mind, when I write this, I’m hearing all of these songs but two (“Shake It Off” and “Out of the Woods”) for the very first time, and am writing this as I listen, not after I’ve heard the whole thing. So it’s like, a real time commentary.

Welcome to New York… I’m sure “poppy” is a word I’ll use a lot here, but this is definitely poppy. It’s a bubble gum version of Jay-Z’s & Alicia Keys “Empire State of Mind”, mixed with a just as excited, just as poppy version of “Party in the USA”. It’s a great lead off track and sets the tone for the album

Blank Space… This song is great. With “Shake It Off” and with this, Taylor has fully embraced the reputation of “date her, break up, get a song written about you” that has flown around her for years. This might be a contender for the favorite on the album two tracks in. “Got a long list of ex-lovers, they’ll tell you I’m insane, cause you know I love the players and you love the game…” This song is full of snappy lines just like that.

Style… This is the most 90s song I’ve heard in a long time, and for me, that’s a great thing. Yes, poppy, but a little darker than that, and more adult as well. Taylor doesn’t curse in her songs, and never directly addresses the bedroom activities that many songs go to immediately, but the insinuation is there—“…takes me home, lights are off, he’s taking off his coat…” Maybe its prayer. Who knows.

Out of the Woods… This is the second single from the album, released a few weeks ago, rumored to be written about Harry Styles… or one of the One Direction guys, who knows. I’m not a huge fan of this one, especially when it’s following the marvelous “Shake It Off”. Still, it’s not a bad track, it’s a little catchy, and you’ll find yourself “are we outta the woods!!??” a few times today.

All You Had to Do Was Stay… So far, I’m getting the impression that she’s addressing several of her past boyfriends, famous or not… Adele made a bajillionty dollars with her incredible album “21”, an entire album full of heartbreak and lost love. To say Taylor Swift is “Adele Light” is not only unfair to Adele, but also to Taylor, but in the same manner, the comparisons are there to me. It’s another song of “why did you leave, you should have stayed here” (not lyrics, just sentiment). She pulls it off though, it’s a quirky song.

Shake It Off… Taylor Swift, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways… everything I’ve ever loved about Taylor is wrapped up in two songs—“You Belong To Me”, not only my favorite Swift, but one of my favorite songs of all time anywhere… and this one. I am not tired of this, don’t know when I will get tired of it, and have heard it 2 dozen times at least. The video just adds sprinkles to an already great hot fudge sundae.



I Wish You Would… Seven tracks in, no ballads yet. This song is sort of the like the uneven sequel to Track 5, “All You Had to Do Was Stay”. Sung well, very wordy, but almost a retread of what we’ve heard. Having said that, if this catches on as a single on the radio, I’ll say the same thing about Track 5. 

Bad Blood… One of the only reasons I like “Bang Bang” by Jessie J with Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj (it’s a problem when the artist credit is like, 4x as long as the song title) is because it’s just darn fun to sing. Same with “I Love It All” by Icona Pop. This song might just fall under that category, cause it’s a loud proclamation of “Get Up Out My Face” to her ex-man. “Band-Aids don’t fix bullet holes, you say sorry just for show”… indeed.

Oh, and I have a real conflict with myself because I happen to like anything associated with Nicki Minaj.

Wildest Dreams… Not quite a ballad, I really like this track… it’s a little haunting, very seductive and very pointedly saying, “We had it all and you’re gonna miss it.” (again, not lyrics, but sentiment). The boy she’s been pining for over the last few songs is now being told that he’ll have her in his wildest dreams now, and that’s is. Burn.

How You Get the Girl… If there was any return to her country roots, this song is the one that does that.  Still pop, but it’s got more twang to it than anything I’ve heard.  This totally reminds me of "Some Kind of Wonderful", and how Watts (Mary Stuart Masterson) is trying to help Keith (Eric Stoltz) get the girl, Amanda Jones (Lea Thompson), when it’s in fact Watts who wants Keith more than anything.  Here’s how to get the girl… okay, here’s how to actually get me.  To me, this will be a track I’ll remember—one of the more different songs on the album thus far.

This Love… And now we have our true ballad.  I like it.  This album tells a story… started bright, got hurt, rebounded and is finding balance again.  Soft, a little reminiscent of old school, pre-skank soft Mariah Carey.  “This Love is alive, back from the dead, these hands had to let it go free and this love came back to me…”

I Know Places… Trying to hard. That’s the first thing I thought when this song started. The chorus is strong, and well written lyrically, like most of her stuff, but the verses are a bit much. Seems like she’s trying to be “out there” with her sound on this one, and for me, it just doesn’t work as well. I’m glad she doesn’t lead off with this song, it wouldn’t work. And she does say “damn”, so I stand corrected on Taylor not cursing. 

Clean… This one, however, has a great beginning. And the line “You’re still over me like a wine stained dress I can’t wear anymore” is both hilarious and cutting, and I love it. This is the song where she finally breaks free of the one who kept her down, be it Mayer or Styles or Warren Beatty or whoever else she dated. I really enjoyed this song.

Thus ends the regular version of the album. However, as mentioned above, I purchased Target’s Deluxe Version of the album, with bonus tracks and “songwriting memos”, whatever that is—which we’ll find out in a few minutes, I guess.

Wonderland… If you couldn’t get it from the title, it’s a play on the Wonderland from the Alice in Wonderland type story… no mention of Alice though, more of a finding-paradise-that’s-not-paradise-together type Wonderland. Bonus points for mentioning the Chesire Cat in the lyrics. I would imagine this video will have Taylor in a small Alice dress running around a strange world full of strange creatures. Not that that’s a bad thing.

You Are in Love… Another sort-of ballad, well written, well done, though it may would benefit from a little less production. I do like this song a lot, though, and it’s melody. Kudos for a beginning that sounds like the opening chords of Christopher Cross’ “Sailing”. I’m positive this isn’t what she was going for, but it’s a bonus to me.

New Romantics… With a slight sound that differs from Taylor’s usually voice, this one song is probably the poster child from her departure from country to pop. This song maybe a perfect pop song.

In summary... I feel like this entire album is telling a story… the arrival “Welcome to New York”, the warning of dating Taylor, “Blank Space”… the romance with “Style”… the trouble with “Out of the Woods”… the pining and regret with “All You Had to Do Was Stay” and “I Wish You Would”, with the ignore-the-haters “Shake It Off” in the middle… the vengeful “Bad Blood”… the flaunting of “Wildest Dreams”… the new or maybe rekindled romance of “How You Get the Girl” and “This Love” and “I Know Places”… and finally, the freedom of it all with “Clean”.  The extra tracks are just that.

Bottom line? I loved this album. Even the tracks that weren't my favorite were still good... my favorites however, beyond "Shake It Off", will likely be "How You Get the Girl", "Clean" and I really like that "Blank Space". Check it out.

And because Taylor Swift....

being a fangirl

I bought Taylor Swift’s new CD, “1989” today. For whatever reason, it came out today, on a Monday, and not on a Tuesday. Right before I got to work—or better yet, I parked at work and walked up a slight hill to Target, and was at the door at 7:50. And then remembered that they didn’t open until 8. Because my primary purpose in going was to buy Taylor Swift’s new CD, I suddenly became one of “those fans”, as in, standing outside the store, waiting for it to open.

What makes it worse, was there were three 20sometthing chicks standing right behind me, ready to go in and do the same. They opened the door, and I walked quickly—but not too quick, as I wasn’t that desperate—to the left, to Target’s music section. And, even though they’ve been closed since 10pm last night, the shelves that would hold new CDs were empty.

A Target dude asked me if I needed help, and I was thinking, “Really? You have to know this is the biggest album of the year, right?” I told him, a little sheepishly and low voiced, “The new Taylor Swift CD?”

What I probably sounded and looked like was, “HEY!! IM A 39 YEAR OLD DUDE AND IM HERE AT THE OPENING OF THE STORE TO BUY THE NEW CD OF A 23 YEAR OLD HOT CHICK SO I CAN GET IT BEFORE NEARLY ANYBODY ELSE AROUND HERE CAUSE IM A CREEPY LOOOOOOSER!!!!”

So there’s that.

He asked me if I’d rather have the regular or deluxe version, and I just responded, “Can you bring them both out?” He agreed and disappeared into the back. The three girls who were around me outside then joined me in the music section. Another Target girl came up and asked all us if we needed anything. 

And doing the creepy loser thing again, without thinking, I cheerily said, "Oh, we are just waiting on the new Taylor Swift CD!" I then wanted to facepalm, but decided against it. Finally two people came from the back, each holding boxes, handing out regular and deluxe version of the new album.

Walking to the register, I was not only the first customer actually in Target this morning, I'm the first person to check out. If Target doesn't make another dollar all day, they will have at least made $15.68--enough for a Taylor Swift deluxe edition of "1989" and a Twix Bar. 

The Medea type lady at the register looked at the CD that I handed to her. "Who is this? Is she new? We keep playing her movies and videos in the music department, so I thought she must be new..."

"She's got a new album out today, and it's supposed to be a big deal."

"Oh, okay... figured she was new."

Got my CD. Went to work. 

How is it? I wrote a track-by-track commentary, and you can find that by clicking here...

idolfornia dreamin'

I had every intention of watching American Idol on Wednesday night.  Seriously.  The Deucecast, which usually records on Wednesday nights, and my involvement in the excursion into podcasting excellence typically prevents me from watching the show on Wednesday when it airs... we try to get it viewed via DVR on Thursday evening, but sometimes it is Friday.  And even Sunday. 

This past Wednesday was free and clear, though.  The show's cohost, Mikey, had a sick offspring and felt the need to stay at home (pansy), which pushed the show to a rare Thursday night recording date... so after church activities, the plan was to get home and watch Idol with The Lovely Steph Leann.

However, Campbell needed formula.  Oh, and The Lovely Steph Leann needed floss.  And Degree Powder Fresh Deodorant.  And even though I had eaten at church, she had not.  Which meant a trip to Wal-Mart, which is always out of the deodorant she needed.  So that meant a trip to Publix.  Oh, and I'm also trying to find some of those Hyland's Colic Tablets, which Publix is out of, but I remember Wal-Greens having Hyland's Teething Tablets, which is similar. And that meant a trip to Wal-Greens.  And somewhere in there was a stop at Panera Bread for The Lovely Steph Leann's requested Fuji Apple Salad, no tomatoes, no onions.

By the time I got home, it was almost 930.  By the time I got changed and settled, it was almost 10.  And then we started watching Idol... we got through one single performance before I just spoke up and said, "I can't do it.  I'm dying."  This was after I had drifted a few times through Seacrusty's babble. 

But now, its Friday afternoon, and somehow, some way I have made it through a few days without finding out what happened on the show! 

So now...

THIS IS

AMERICAN

IDOL

We are shown a quick clip of last week's results show, in which Little Skylar Laine said goodbye... and this leaves the front runner guy, Phillip2... the main frontrunner, Jessica Sanchez... the dark horse (no pun intended.. or maybe...), Joshua Ledet... and the one who it can be argued is there about 3 weeks too long, Hollie Cavanagh.

Tonight is two themes... first, "California Dreamin'", which are songs about California, or songs written about California.  Or songs that have California in the title.  Or songs that feature John Phillips or any other members of the Mamas and the Papas, the artist of "California Dreamin'".  Or a song written by anyone who had been sexually abused by their father, like Kristy McNichol had written about, at the hands of John Phillips.  Or any song written by anyone who has ever heard of California.  And so on.

Secondly, its "Songs They Wished They Had Written", which means any song you want, or at least any song licensed by Idol... as in, "I like that song.  Um... I wish I had written it.  Yeah, thats' it.  So I'm singing that one!" 

Annie Barrett from EW commented that next week's theme will be "Songs". 

CALIFORNIA DREAMIN' ROUND

First up, its Phillip2... he's doing Creedence Clearwater Revival's "Have You Ever Seen the Rain?", a great old 60s rock tune.  Sans guitar, P2 takes his growly voice to the mic, and sounds pretty good.

Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler said, "You are living proof that the road to success is always under construction!"  Wait... what?  J-Lo loved it, and Randy the Dawg said it started a bit rough, but found its way a little longer into it... and then he loved it. 

For Hollie Cav's first song, she's taking on Journey's "Faithfully", which I reckon is California Dreamin because... they are from California?  Because then-lead singer has heard of California?  Because they probably played at a few arenas there over the years?  Who knows.

Anyway, the song isn't bad.  She has that quivering lip thing going on during the last "I'm yo-o-o-o-orrrsss!!!" final line, which to my untrained musical eyes, looks like it means something good. 

Randy the Dawg loved it.  Creepy Uncle Steven and J-Lo both agreed.

Next up, here's Joshua Ledet... first, here's Jason Derulo, who's been involved in this songwriting contest with Idol, trying to declare how this is his Now, and is wearing a blinged out neckbrace.  Wicked odd.

Back to Joshua Ledet!  He'll be doing a cheesy song called "You Raise Me Up", this generation's "Wind Beneath My Wings".  I don't think there is an un-cheesy way of doing this song.  And though Joshua's voice is good, and the song sounds fine, to me its just a boring picture of a mountain and a river on an inspirational poster set to music. 

Eh.

Of course, Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler, J-Lo and Randy the Dawg spend an hour and a half telling them how much they were raised up. 

So, for J-Sanch's California Dreamin' song, she's doing Etta James' "Steal Away"... and since J-Sanch is actually FROM California, really, any song she wants to do would be a California connection.

Once again, brilliant vocals.  Yet, plywood chemistry.  However, I think we need to start learning how to begin to learn how to start accepting that Jessica Sanchez will likely be The Next American Idol.  Just suck it in and breath out and take it. 


DUET TO IT!

I am struck by how odd it is that Joshua Ledet and Phillip2 are singing "This Love".  That is a song by Maroon 5.  And while Maroon 5 hails from California, hence the "California Dreamin'" spot, its frontman, Adam Levine, is one of the four judges on NBC's "The Voice", which is probably American Idol's biggest singing competition reality show competition.  I would think that Idol wouldn't want to give Maroon 5 and Adam Levine any press... but perhaps they figure "Hey, we're Idol.  We squash The Voice."  So be it.

You know what?  This version of "This Love" isn't perfect... but darn it, they both look like they are having more fun with this than anyone has looked in weeks.  The piano player is on his feet jamming, as are the other musicians.  Love this.

DUET TO IT TOO!

And whether this wraps up the California Dreamin' or this begins the Songs I Wished I Had Written, all I can tell you is that Jessica Sanchez and Hollie Cav are swinging.  Like, they are both sitting on rope swings, doing a duet to "Eternal Flame" by The Bangles. 

"Eternal Flame", by the way, one of the first five Cassette Singles I ever bought.  I remember "Paradise City" by Guns N' Roses was first, and soon after was "Shiny Happy People" by REM, "When I See You Smile" by Bad English and this Bangles classic, though I don't know in what order.  Just sayin'.

And as the judges give their two cents worth--they liked the guys a whole lot better, in the background, Phillip2 and Joshua Ledet are swinging on the rope swings.  Hilarious.

Oh, and Fast Forward through the unexpected Group Song

ROUND TWO... SONGS YOU WISH YOU'D WRITTEN... OR JUST, SONGS

Phillip2 says he wished he had written Damien Rice's "Volcano".  And here comes Jimmy Iovine, who says this song helped Phillip2 to stop sounding like everyone else and start sounding like himself. 

Dude, I totally dig this song.  I'd never heard it previously, but Phillip2 sits on a stool, on a darkened stage, with an awesome cellist sitting and playing nearby.  Not just a good song, but a great performance.

Hollie Cav says she wished she had written Bonnie Raitt's "I Can't Make You Love Me".  And here comes Jimmy Iovine, who says to not oversing this song. 

Standing behind a piano, from the waist up, she looks like she's wearing an elegant black dress, and she is all fine and such, but when she steps out you can see its a black pant suit, and that kinda kills the look.  She also says "don't pah-tronize" and not "don't pay-tronize".  That could cost her the show.  And she's got this Michael Stipey Losing My Religion arm swingy thing going on there.

The song was pretty good.  But not brilliant.  Creepy Uncle Steven says she should have shown more emotional.  J-Lo says the same thing.  Randy the Dawg said she needs a song that "gives her a moment" and this song had no moments.

Joshua Ledet says he wished he had written James Brown's "Its a Man's Man's Man's World".  And here comes Jimmy Iovine, who says that it was a thrill to see this song being done by Joshua.

I gotta tell ya, the guys are owning me tonight... between Phillip2's "Volcano", their "This Love" duet, and now this song from Joshua Ledet, Dude Power reigns. 

You knew Joshua would scream at some point, and he does, but this time its warranted, and his scream is kept in check.  That was a great, great performance all around, with the vocals and the backup singers and the music and such.

And rightfully so, the judges just totally geek out. 

Finally, Jessica Sanchez says she wished she had written Billie Holliday's "And I Am Telling you That I'm Not Going".  Here comes Jimmy Iovine, and he is raving about her version of this tune.

She channels her inner blackness in this song, and sounds awesome.  J-Sanch is blowin' it right on up, doing her thing, hitting all the notes, and all that... but I then turned to The Lovely Steph Leann and said, "Tell me, as a music aficionado, what you thought of that song." 

The Lovely Steph Leann thinks for a second, and says, "Well... I don't think you are familiar with this song (I'm not), but this song builds.  The thing about it is, she didn't have time to really build it.  She did fine, she sounded good and all, but she didn't get the chance to take that into the part where she just screams it and gets all emotional and such, because this is an emotional song."

Of course, the judges loved it.  Over and over.  Its Friday, and I think they are still talking about it.

The Lovely Steph Leann:  You didnt like it?
Me: I did.  Again, I think she's got an incredible talent, but she's a stick in the mud charisma wise.
The Lovely Steph Leann:  I thought she connected well, better than some of her other stuff

It is funny to me, though, that Hollie Cav was cautioned to not "oversing", so she chose something deep and personal and sang without oversinging... but Joshua Ledet oversang the crap out of that song, and it was awesome.  Jessica Sanchez oversang the crap out of her song, and it was much ballyhooed.  Hollie Cav should haven't thrown down on her tune. 

And I'm afraid dear, sweet Brit Hollie will pay the price. 

My Best to Worst for the Night:  Joshua Ledet's "Its a Man's Man's Man's World"... Joshua Ledet & Phillip2's "This Love"...  Phillip2's "Volcano"...  J-Sanch's "And I Am Telling You That I Am Not Going"... J-Sanch's "Steal Away"... Hollie Cav's "Faithfully"... Phillip2's "Have You Ever Seen the Rain?"... Holly Cav's "I Can't Make You Love Me"... J-Sanch & Hollie Cav's "Eternal Flame"...  Joshua Ledet's "You Raise Me Up"

The Results are in the very next post!  Keep scrolling!

Idolhemian Rhapsody

With only six contestants left, Seacrusty starts off this show by telling us that our votes count more than ever.  More than ever.  Why, you ask?  Why do our votes count so much, more than ever?  Well, because...

THIS

IS

AMERICAN

IDOL

Tonight, they revisit a them they used a few seasons back, don't ask me which because I don't remember and I don't really feel like going back and looking for it...

I do love me some Queen.  Freddie Mercury, who probably had the most infamous overbite in the history of musical overbites, was the full definition of the word "flamboyant"... and as the Idols sit down with Roger Something and Brian May of Queen, I get the sense that only Phillip2 and My Next American Idol Elise Testosterone actually realize what a big deal this is, and how amazing advice from these two guys could possibly be.

Its a two hour show tonight, and with the Idols down to six, they'll be doing two rounds... first, its their Queen renditions... and second, its a choice of their own. 

Round One:  The Queen Songs

Kicking off the show is J-Sanch, with no prepackaged video about her hometown or her day with Jimmy Iovine or what have ya... and she's taking on "Bohemian Rhapsody". And for whatever reason, they are showing her in black and white...

The Lovely Steph Leann:  I find this black and white thing very bizarre. Its not like these people in the audience can see this.  This is just... weird.

...but as J-Sanch gets to the meat of the song, the color kicks in.

Me:  That's gotta be really hard to arrange for a minute and a half song
The Lovely Steph Leann:  Its a really long song anyway... and... she's wearing sneakers.  High top sneakers with her dress.  What is that?

The judges loved this song, by the way.  For me, not a fan.

And in the second position tonight. Little Skylar Laine is taking on a monster depressing song, one called "The Show Must Go On".  Why is it depressing?  Its about Freddie Mercury's battle with AIDS, which he ended up losing in the late 80s.

Can't say I love this song, as I really appreciate it more than I like it, but this Little Skylar Laine brought it.  Creepy Uncle Steven loved it.  J-Lo gots the goosies.  Randy the Dawg, sporting a ridiculous pin that simply says "YO", loved it, skipping right past the "she's in it to win it!" and going straight to the "she's gotta have it!".  Those is some big words, Dawg.

Doing one my favorite Queen tunes, Joshua Ledet is holding one of those old school, big rectangular mics with the cord draped all over the stage... he's singing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love".   He does his thing on the stage, and the judges give him a Standing O... honestly though--and I can barely push a tune in a wheelbarrow much less carry it--to me, it was a bit screechy.

The judges are all about it, though, and J-Lo even says that her favorite part of the show is the Joshua part. 

And doing "I Want It All" is My Next American Idol Elise Testosterone.  To me, she's got this odd look about her, kinda like her face broke and was glued back together, not quite right... but I so dig her voice.  Whereas everyone so far sounds like, good or bad, they are trying to recreate the Queen song they are singing, My Next American Idol Elise Testosterone sounds like she has made this song completely her own... and I love it!

And in another one of my favorite Queen songs, Phillip2 is singing the ode to those of the fairer gender who carry with them a somewhat larger posterior... you know, junk in the trunk... a bodonkadonk... thats right, its "Fat Bottomed Girls". 

This song is so much fun to sing... "awwwwww... gonna take me home tonight!!!!"  And Phillip2 seemed perfect for this tune... though I wish the backup dancers had more going in their own backends.  I mean, if you are singing about the trunk, then show it off!

Creepy Uncle Steven loved it.  J-Lo loved it.  Randy the Dawg liked it.

And finishing up The Queen Round, its Hollie Cav doing a Queen tune that I don't really know... its called "Save Me". 

As I was fast forwarding through commercials via the --> button on my DVR remote, I looked over and noticed The Lovely Steph Leann was dozing off.  I know she's tired as a one armed paper hanger, but when she gets on her couch, Campbell Isaiah in deep sleep while draped across her chest, sometimes its hard for her to stay awake.  And I mention this only because Hollie Cav's song was really slow.

I look over, and surprisingly, The Lovely Steph Leann is awake.  Barely.

Creepy Uncle Steven loved the song.  J-Lo has been rambling about connecting to the songs for the last 27 minutes.  I think she liked it, but I'm not positive.  And Randy the Dawg, also trying to stay awake, liked it. 

I liked it, but didn't love it.   The Lovely Steph Leann?  Dozing.


ROUND TWO... The Idols Pick 'Em

We come back and see Seacrusty talking to The Saved Jessica Sanchez, who has chosen Luther's "Dance With My Father".  She's dedicating it to her father, who is being deployed overseas, apparently to Singapore rather than the Middle East--a somewhat easier place, but difficult nonetheless.  So, I dare not make fun of J-Sanch, not with her dad serving our country.

Thank you, Daddy Sanchez, for serving.

Back to J-Sanch... its good.  Well, again, I have to say her vocals are just about flawless... but still she's kinda boring.  The judges just gush on J-Sanch.  So how do I balance an incredible voice with a lifeless personality?  Sigh.

In between the performances this round, they are showing little videos of the Idols describing the Idol about to perform... and we are amused as British Hollie Cav tries to say that Little Skylar Laine is tough and "thick skinned", only she says, "Little Skylar Laine is... thick boned.  Is that how you say it?"

Going back to her roots this round, Little Skylar Laine is doing Jason Aldean's "Tattoos On This Town", a song that I had never, ever, never heard of, nor did I even know existed.  And she sounded great, like something I'd hear on WZZK here in town.  Good times.

The judges don't stand, but they do gush.

For the second go-round, Joshua Ledet is taking on India.Arie's "Ready For Love".  Not only do I not know this song, I can't tell you a single India.Arie song, neither title nor tune.

(brief pause for laundry duties and crying baby... full blown "holy crap, I just woke up and I'm frikkin' hungry, FEED ME NOW YOU STUPID PARENTS" meltdown)

And back.  Don't know the song, but I like Joshua's rendition of it, though I feel like were The Lovely Steph Leann not holding a bottle to Campbell Isaiah's face, she'd be asleep.

Randy the Dawg practically drools over this (the song, not the propective nap from The Lovely Steph Leann)... Creepy Uncle Steven smells the finish line... and J-Lo uses the word "Transcendant".  There ya go.

My Next American Idol Elise Testosterone is singing Jimi Hendrix's "Bold as Love", and I love what EW blogger Annie Barrett said about this obscure choice...  she writes, "...it seems like Elise has come to terms with the fact that she's not the judges' chosen one, so why not just go nuts, do a largely spoken-word song, and attach an orange scarf to her "melisma hand" so it will look crazier than ever?"

I didn't know the song, and I am not headed to iTunes to download it immediately, but at the same time, I thought it was great. 

And of course, the judges drill her for song choice.  Creepy Uncle Steven says, "you can't pick the cherries with your back to the tree... but I loved it."  J-Lo actually sticks up for My Next American Idol Elise Testosterone by saying, "I think you slayed that song so hard."  Randy the Dawg goes back to Creepy Uncle Steven and harps on song choice.   

Phillip2 has been compared to Dave Matthews all season, so what better way to differentiate himself from that comparison than by actually doing a Dave Matthews song?  This song is called "The Stone".  Cool voice aside, I couldn't care less about this song. 

Naturally, My Next American Idol Elise Testosterone does an obscure song and gets poohed on... but Phillip2 does it, and the judges love it.  Creepy Uncle Steven loves the fact that Phillip2 takes chances... but My Next American Idol E-Test needs to do something familiar.   Randy the Dawg wants Phillip2 to be Phillp2.  But My Next American Idol E-Test needs to please the audience.

And finally, Hollie Cav wraps up the show with...

(pause to finish feeding the grumpy 5 month old, and to give him his soothing colic tablets...)

...a song that I cannot get away from.  Miley Cyrus' "The Climb".  I say it now... if this song is anywhere near my funeral service, I'll rise from the casket like Lazerus and kick someone's teeth in before I go into the Light.

That being said, I think I liked Hollie Cav's version of this song more than any other time I've ever heard it.  As much as I don't like the song, I really like this song.  Go figure. 

The judges?  Standing O.  And gushing abounds. 

Best to Worst:  Phillip2's "Fat Bottomed Girls"... Hollie Cav's "The Climb"... Little Skylar Laine's "Tattoos On This Town"... My Next American Idol Elise Testosterone's "I Want It All"... My Next American Idol Elise Testosterone's "Bold As Love"... J-Sanch's "Dance with My Father"... Little Skylar Laine's "The Show Must Go On"...  Joshua Ledet's "Ready for Love"...  Hollie Cav's "Save Me"... J-Sanch's "Bohemian Rhapsody"... Phillip2's "The Stone"... Joshua Ledet's "Crazy Little Thing Called Love"

Idols and the Recent Music

Here I am, just minding my own beeswax at work.  I had just finished my shift, and was about to use the restroom before I came home... just to keep myself amused, I grabbed the day's copy of USA Today and went into the bathroom for a few minutes peace and a respute of quiet.

I have been reading USA Today for about twenty years, its sort of my favorite daily paper... and with that, I have a routine.  I read the entertainment section first, Section D, the "LIFE" section.  I then go to the A Section, the front page and news.  I next plow through the B section, "MONEY", and end with the C "SPORTS" section.  I open up the USA Today paper, and right there on the front page of Friday's paper, the day after the results show has aired, I see the captioned box with a pic that says, "JUDGES USE SAVE TO KEEP ------".  Except there was no "------", there was a name.

Really?  Really?  I mean, it wasn't like it was Monday's paper, where you had a full five days to see it... nay, this was about 12 hours or so after the actual results were aired.  It would be like some paper saying "MOVIE NEWS:  BRUCE WILLIS IS ACTUALLY DEAD" the Saturday morning after "The Sixth Sense" premiered in 1999. 

Not even a "To find out Idol results, check 2B" or even a "Shocking results lead to judges save.  Details on 3D"... nope, there was a name with a picture.  So, for the second week in a row, I go into finally watching the Idol performance show already knowing who was sent home--or at least, who was voted out and saved by the Judges Save. 

Of course, it didn't help that Hot Manager Melanie tossed up the word "SAVED!" on my Facebook wall... I had already learned the fate of our Idol, but it might have given me more than I wanted to know. 

This is American Idol. 

Sigh.

As we see a video of last week's disposal of D'Crappensuck, the show asks us via words on the screen "How do you find strength"... and then "to watch your friends"... and then "leave one by one?"... and then "You remember..." and finally, "Who you are singing for..."  This led to this exchange:

The Lovely Steph Leann:  Really?  You are going to end a sentence in a preposition on American TV?
Me: So... it should have said "Remember for whom you are singing"?
The Lovely Steph Leann:  Yup.

Hey The Lovely Steph Leann... this is an Akon

Tonight's theme is songs from the last three years, which will all but guarantee that I haven't heard of most of these tunes. I'm a podcast junkie, and I also tend to hear the same 400 songs over and over and over, and only about three or four songs per year make it onto that list.  And the mentor tonight, Akon, won't help me learn alot of these songs either. 

Her:  Who is that guy on screen?
Me:  Akon
Her:  A... who?
Me:  Akon.  A-K-O-N
Her (pause):  Who?

When I think of Akon, I can only think "Whooo-hooo!  Weee-hooo!  Whooo-hooo!  Weee-hooo!" as featured in Gwen Stefani's "Great Escape", a good song to hear about once every three weeks or so.

Little Skylar Laine comes up first, singing a song that Jimmy Iovine says, "Here's a tune from Pickles that none of us really knew", which is funny, because I am very familiar with "Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You" and like it very much.

Like I would give up a legitimate chance to show
a pic of Pickles

This song is a strong, powerhouse ballad that shows off  the vocal prowess of Pickles--and yes, she does have some strong vocals--and does the same for Little Skylar Laine.  I can dig it.

Randy the Dawg agrees with me, saying this was "in your wheelhouse!" and says, "picture perfect pitch!"  J-Lo loved it.  Creepy Uncle Steven, wearing the stretched out skin of what looks like a python, loved it too. 

And now comes the dude ALL the chicks are digging, Colton Dixon, and he's singing a song from Skylar Grey called "Love the Way You Lie".  Who is Skylar Grey?  What is "Love the Way You Lie"?  I thought that was an Eminem song with Rhianna backing it up?  And as he starts rehearsing, it IS that Eminem/Rhianna song... but a slow version, non-rappity version.  Weird.

Sitting at a white piano, amidst a blanket of fog that rolls across the stage, complete with a string section, Colton brings it.  The kids in the front of the audience have their full arm-sway going, and I'm expecting to at least see a cell phone with a flame image on it, if not a real lighter.  And that, my friends, is a performance.

The judges loved it, as did each of us in The Cabana.

But who is Skylar Grey?

DUET TO IT!!!  Last week's duet was a success, so here's another one from Elise Testosterone and Phillip2!  They will be singing "Somebody That I Used to Know" by Gotye.  What?  Who?

So this is a Gotye? 

Except for the revolving image of one of those 3D pictures where you can see something if you stare at it long enough, the performance was stellar.  Both E-Test and P2 have great raspy voices and they harmonize really well together. 

The judges loved it, as did each of us in The Cabana.

But who is Gotye?

Jessica Sanchez, the little girl with huge talent and small personality, is doing a song by Jazmine Sullivan, called "Stuttering".  What... who is... what?

I need to get in my car and listen to three straight hours of "Top 20" channel on my SiriusXM radio.  I'll have to hear lots of crap, but will hopefull get an idea of what's out there now.  I feel like everything after "Hey Soul Sister" by Train doesn't exist.

Once again, J-Sanch does a great job, and sounds nearly perfect, even on a song that I have never heard.  But watching this show late at night, when I got less than 5 hours sleep both last night and the night before, and worked a good 8 hours today (beginning at 515am) means that you need to keep me awake.  And she barely does.  Great talent, no personality.

The Lovely Steph Leann agrees as she's asleep now.  The judges however, loved the fool out of it.

But who is Jazmine Sullivan?

The one name I struggle with constantly is Joshua's last name.  I've used "Lidet", "Ledit", "Lidit" and now, I think I've figured out, its "Ledet".  Dont' ask me how I missed this so far, but there ya go.  And Ledet freaks out when Seacrusty shows him a video of Fantasia wishing him luck.  From Fantasia to Mantasia, she says. 

He is singing Bruno Mars... finally an artist I've heard of!  And he's doing "Runaway Baby"... a song I've never heard of.  Gotta admit though, I like it.  Its fast, flashy and fun, which sounds like the name of an edition of "13 Going On 30". 

Creepy Uncle Steven implore Joshua to get the number of the trombone player.  J-Lo gushes.  Randy the Dawg also gushes.  And I liked it too.

This is Jason Aldean.  However, it would not have
taken a whole lot of convincing to get me to believe
it was Chris Cagle.  Or James Otto.  Or Luke
Bryan.  Or Eric Church.  Or Josh Turner. Aren't
they really all the same now?

DUET TO IT!  The next duo of the night pairs Colton Dixon and Little Skylar Laine doing "Dont You Wanna Stay", a hit for Jason Aldean and Kelly Clarkson.  And for the next few minutes, I'll do my best to not only stay awake, but also keep The Lovely Steph Leann afloat. 

Worth noting--this is the second song of the night where young Little Skylar Laine has sung the words "we are making love" or a close variation of that. 

Creepy Uncle Steven earns his nickname by saying "you just made love to each other by singing that song", which jabs the ongoing rumors that Colton and Skylar are an item.  J-Lo loved it.  Randy the Dawg just sorta, kinda liked it.  And I know the feeling.

Hollie Cav has her turn next... and for the first time, I'm actually noticing her accent.  Like, her Brit accent.  Its really, really prominent.  How did I miss that?

Anyway, she's going "Perfect" by Pink.  She has stripped it down, made it into a ballad of sorts and I thought she sounded really, really good.  I mean, "Perfect" is not perfect, but it'll do.  The last note of "Perfect" was perfect, though.

And J-Lo gives her the "You look beautiful tonight" line.  Crap.  What a crap line.  Creepy Uncle Steven tells her it wasn't perfect, and again admires her looks.  Randy the Dawg says it wasn't perfect, but she did redeem herself again. 

Both The Lovely Steph Leann and I agree that it sounded really good. 

Seacrusty tells us that Phillip2 is doing a huge smash from Maroon 5, a song called "Give a Little More", another song that I've never heard.  Guess I missed that one too, or perhaps it wasn't a smash?  He's got guitar in hand, doing it acoustically.

He sounds good, but he seems like's doing more yelling instead of singing.  I liked it, but didn't love it. 

Creepy Uncle Steven loved it.  J-Lo barely liked it.  Randy the Dawg says, "...it is kind of a radio song, if that's what you want..." which makes me think... Yeah Randy, getting their song on the radio... that's what they want.  But I digress.

DUET TO IT!  Since there are 7, and they have done two duets already, that leaves 3.  So why not just put all three together, right?  Joshua Ledet, J-Sanch and Hollie Cav are taking on Kelly Clarkson's "What Doesn't Kill You (stronger)". 

Her:  Those earrings are killing me
Me: Who, Sanchez?
Her:  No, Hollie.   Those feathers on her chest are part of her earrings.  Really?

The song went on a little long, and was just okay. 

And that leaves the one, the only, Elise Testosterone, who sees a video from Jason Segel saying he's rooting for the E-Test and sets up the "Jeff, Who Lives at Home" movie promotion. 

Back to E-Test.  I love this chick's voice... she's doing "You and I" by Lada Gaga, probably my favorite Gaga song.  In fact, when it was really popular last year, the first time I heard it, I thought it was a country song with Carrie Underwood.  Okay, I only thought that for half-a-minute, but still... I do like this song.

Elise Testosterone is doing her thing, and sounding great, like usual.  That said, she did sound a little off on a few, very few, notes. 

Randy the Dawg just went nuts.  J-Lo loved it.  Creepy Uncle Steven also loved it. 

Here's my picks, first to worst: 

E-Test and P2's "Somebody that I Used to Know"... Colton Dixon's "Love the Way You Lie"... E-Test's "You and I"... Joshua Ledet's "Runaway Baby"... Little Skylar Laine's "Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You"... Hollie Cav's "Perfect"... Phillip2's "Give a Little More"...  J-Sanch's "Stuttering"... Hollie/Josh/Sanchez's "What Doesn't Kill You (stronger)"... Colton Dixon and Little Skylar Laine's "Don't You Wanna Stay"...

And now, the results..

The Idol Eighties

Just rolled up into town from a trip down in Andalusia, Alabama, seeing the family and showing Campbell off to everyone.  I even took my computer with me, thinking I'd have a few free minutes to blog something or another, give you, my fair Coffee Drinkers, something to read and look at, but alas, by the time 1140 rolled around last night, I was tired as a one-armed paper hanger.

That being said, I have much to blog, some funny, some pics, and some personal, but first, we have a little matter of a episode of American Idol to discuss.

Now, I must tell you going into this performance episode, I already know who has been voted out.  The Lovely Steph Leann is in the dark, as she's good at avoiding such info when she needs to not-know, but I managed to see.  It wasn't my fault, though, I wasn't looking for the answer, I just happened to get a message that said "Hannah Armstrong left a message on your timeline", meaning my Facebook wall.  And dear, sweet Hannah, not knowing that I had not seen the episode nor heard anything about it... her message told me exactly what I was avoiding.  So, I know.

We still need to review, though.. so let's get to it. 

CAUSE THIS

IS AMERICAN

IDOL

Its 80s night, and we'll be hearing 80s performances as well as 80s duets.  We see a music montage featuring Mr. Mister's "Broken Wings", seeing their sad faces as Hey Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better) says goodbye last week, but their determination (and backhanded insult to the others who have said goodbye) by someone saying "Its down to the best of the best".  If only we could get rid of D'Crappensuck... if only.

This week's mentorship, joining Jimmy Iovine, is from Gwen Stefani and Tony Kanal from No Doubt. 

D'Crappensuck is first up.  He'll be singing some song from El DeBarge, which means he found something that lets him to his falsetto so annoyingly much.  Gwen Stefani says that D'Crappensuck is the "total package".  Yeah, total package... of CRAP!  Ha!

I don't care if it was good or not, I can't bring myself to start to like anything this kid does.  Heck, even with Obama, I'd give him credit for doing something right (I'm just waiting for that moment), but with D'Crappensuck?  Not so much.  The judges love him, of course. 

Eh.

Randy the Dawg says, "El DeBarge is somewhere saying 'oh my gawd!' from that performance..."  No, Randy the Dawg, El DeBarge is somewhere saying 'oh my gawd' because he's locked up. 

Here comes the much loved Elise Testosterone!  She's doing "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen, made famous by Jeff Buckley.  She then tries "I Wanna Know What Love Is" by Foreigner. 

E-Test sounds good--not great--but good, and does a mature performance with the song.  I think "Hallelujah" would have been a true Idol moment, but when Gwen Stefani tells you "do the Foreigner song", you do the Foreigner song. 

Randy the Dawg calls her out on pitch issues, and Creepy Uncle Steven, who was swaying to the music when the Idol cameras showed him, says it was the wrong song choice.  Really?  And J-Lo gives her the death line... "you look beautiful tonight'.   That sucks. 

Islands in the stream... that is what we are.. no one in between... how
can we be wrong... sail away with me... to another world.. where we
rely on each other... uh-huh.. from one lover to another... uh-huh

DUET TO IT!!  Colton Dixon and Little Skylar Laine bust up on Kenny & Dolly's immortal "Islands in the Stream", a song that, as corny as it is, you just cannot help but like.  I think everyone likes this song... Bill Clinton.  James Hetfield.  Brad Latta.  Courtney Love.  Barry Manilow.  They all love this song.  Who doesn't? 

Since country is her forte, Little Skylar Laine does better in this than Colton Dixon, but its admirable that she doesn't just blow it out and show him up. 

And Seacrusty, that drama starter, makes a comment about the "strong chemistry" up on stage, while Colton gives him the death look of death.

And now, let's hear it for Phillip2, and he'll be singing "That's All" by Genesis, and in rehearsal, he looks not only terrible, but also like he's in pain.  Gwen Stefani says the same, that maybe he wasn't quite getting there... though she does feel like he'll be in the "top tops" eventually.

Me: Did she just say "top tops"?
The Lovely Steph Leann:  That's what she said.

As for Phillip2, it was good.  Again, not great, but good.  I like the original, and I get a kick out of how Phillip2 eats the mic John Mayer style, but this was just decent. 

The judges loved him.

That's all.

DUET TO IT!

So, what's better than one appearance from D'Crappensuck!?  TWO, count 'em, TWO SONGS by D'Crappensuck!  That's right!  Appearing with Hollie Cav, they are set to butcher sing The Pointer Sister's "I'm So Excited".

All I can say is, as a child of the 80s, I cannot hear this song without thinking of Jessie Spano singing this to Zack Morris when he tries to take away her caffeine pills. 

When asked about the performances so far, J-Lo says, "I loved D'Crappensuck!"  When this guy goes, she might just kill herself, live, on-air.  Seriously.  Randy the Dawg then asks the question, "I wanna know, who's got to have IT tonight?!"

The answer?

R&B Crooner Joshua Lidet is singing one of those songs that I don't care for, Simply Red's "If You Don't Know Me By Now"... personally, if I'm talking Simply Red, you should check out "Sunrise".  Great song, great sample of Hall & Oates "I Can't Go For That (no can do)"

By the way, I remember listening to Casey Kasem's American Top 40 back in like, 1987, when Simply Red was in their heyday... apparently, they were called "Red", but as they were going on stage, the guy introduced them as "Red Simply Red" due to a miscommunication.  Frontman, and red haired Mick Hucknall, whispered loudly, "No, its Red!  Just simply Red!" and the MC says, "Okay... Simply Red!".  There ya go. 

I like Joshua Lidet, but he kinda sounds exactly the same from week to week.  Great voice, great style, but nothing new. 

The judges loved it, of course.

Jessica Sanchez is taking on her second pre-crack Whitney song of the season, this time being "How Will I Know". 

The Lovely Steph Leann says, "I'm glad she's not singing 'I Wanna Dance With Somebody', that song is overused."

J-Sanch kicks off the song a little shaky, but then digs in and sounds great.  Like usual.

Okay, so I wanna be the guy who sets up the background images for the performances. No joke, there is an image of a cassette tape in the background with the word "CASSETTE" written on it.

Me: So, they have to spell out that its a cassette?  Are these kids that ignorant?
The Lovely Steph Leann:  What do cassette tapes have to do with "How Will I Know"?

The judges loved it, of course.

RANDOM NOTE... So the two people who wrote the song "Waiting for a Star to Fall", Shannan Rubicam and George Merrill, also known as the duo Boy Meets Girl, wrote "How Will I Know" AND "I Wanna Dance With Somebody".  Now you know.

DUET TO IT!!  Because Idol can't get enough of Stevie Nicks,we've got Elise Testosterone playing Stevie to Phillip2's Tom Petty on "Stop Dragging My Heart Around".  They both have perfect voices for this, and truly, that was a great version of this song.  E-Test really shone, and helped picked up Phillip2's slight slack on the song.  Good times!

No Hollie!  No ma'am!  Don't do this!  Jennife Beals
barely pulls it off...

Here comes Hollie Cav, and she'll be doing Irene Cara's "What a Feeling... Flashdance".  Now, I hope that they don't do a bucket of water poured onto Hollie Cav as she leans over a chair, as you see her silhouette... since Hollie Cav is so young, that would be creepy.

BUT... if she wore leg warmers and the sweatshirt that had the collar cut out and draped off her shoulders, that would be seven shades of AWESOME.

I think Hollie Cavanaugh sang it decently well... but she didn't seem to ever get into it.  The judges agree with me on that.  However, after hearing all three judges pile on, I think she was better than they gave her credit for.  This could be bad for Hollie Cav. 

DUET TO IT!!  Seacrusty asks us if we'd ever wondered what it would sound like if Joshua Lidet and J-Sanch teamed up... on my way back from South Alabama, I spent over an hour wondering that very thing!  Thank you, Seacrusty!!

They are doing the Aretha Franklin/George Michael mega-hit from the late 80s called "I Knew You Were Waiting".  I used to love the foo' out of this song, spending a few months atop my mental Favorite Songs list... it was followed by Chicago's "Will You Still Love Me", strangely enough, which spent a few weeks atop my mental Favorite Songs list.  Don't ask me how I remember that. 

Anyway, good duet by J-Lid and J-Sanch.

The judges loved it, of course.

I think that we should invent a drinking game, where every time Randy the Dawg tells us he worked on a song or worked with (name drop here), you take a shot.  You'd be eligible for Al-Anon by 38 minutes into the show.

Colton Dixon is doing a song that made The Lovely Steph Leann say, "YES!"... the song that makes Tony Kanal and Gwen Stefani say, "every time we sit and write a song, we want to write this song... we wished we had written this song"... the song that I considered one of my favorites of all time, Top 100 definitely, and one of the most beautiful covers I've ever heard by Nichole Nordeman...

Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time". 

I think I like this performance, but being Colton Dixon, I really wanted to like it more.  I think the fact he keeps singing "Time After Tie" bugs me, and I'm not sure I like the sped up arrangement of it all. 

The judges are going nuts, though, and I guess with Colton Dixon, that's okay. 

Finally, in the Pimp Spot, its Little Skylar Laine, and she's doing some cheese with "The Wind Beneath My Wings" from Bette Midler, featured in the movie "Beaches".  Great movie.  I shed one single tear as I watched it, though that might have been my subconscious trying to show Ginny Kochen that I was a sensitive guy as we watched it with Miranda Bryant, Bobby Black and Mandy Stewart in Miranda's & Mandy's 4th floor room in Shackelford Hall back in like, October 1993.  Ginny and I only went out once.  Taught me a lesson, that being, "Even though girls say they want the flowers and romance and such, they really don't want it until well into a dating relationship, lest they think you are coming on too strong and might be a little creepy."  There's a story there, I tell ya.

Anyway, Little Skylar Laine just killed that song.  I mean, made it her biz-nitch, pardon my Frez-nench. Personally, it was the best solo performance of the night, and I think it was not just the voice, but also the country arrangement. 

My list, from first to worst, of performances: 
Colton & Skylar's "Islands in the Stream"...  Little Skylar Laine's "Wind Beneath My Wings"... E-Test & P2's "Stop Dragging My Heart Around"...  Phillip2's "That's All"... Colton Dixon's "Time After Time"... Joshua & J-Sanch's "I Knew You Were Waiting"... Elise Testosterone's "I Wanna Know What Love Is"... J-Sanch's "How Will I Know"... Joshua Lidet's "If You Don't Know Me By Now"... Hollie Cav's "What a Feeling... Flashdance"... That crap from D'Crappensuck, where he sucked Hollie Cav down into his crappiness... That crap from D'Crappensuck by himself...

A Night of Whitney Wonders

So here we are... its early March, and what we've been waiting for has finally arrived... its the Idol Finals... the Live Shows... The Top Thirteen.  The Lucky Thirteen, as they say.

Tonight, the guys take on a monumental task... songs of the legendary Stevie Wonder, perhaps the greatest living blind guy right now.  (Sorry Mickey Gilley and Ronnie Milsap).  The girls?  Even harder now... the music of the Late Whitney Houston.  I look forward to this night, as it will allow me to dish on Whitney a little. 

Anyone who has read me enough knows that I love Pre-Crack Whitney, an era defined from her beginnings in 1985-86 to time around 1996 when "The Preacher's Wife" was released, both movie and soundtrack.  Truly, she was probably Mid-Crack then, as her relationship with Bobby Brown was in its 5th or 6th year, but it was what I consider her last great, solid work.  Well, okay, I consider "The Bodyguard" in 1992 to be her last great work, but "The Preacher's Wife" was pretty good music too.

And so now, we begin the 12 week trek to find either the next Carrie Underwood, the next Lee DeWyze, or the next Somewhere in Between. 

THIS IS

AMERICAN

IDOL

Tonight, Ryan Seacrusty tells us that this marks American Idol's FOUR HUNDREDTH EPISODE... which is pretty good, I must say.  Does it make me a dork to say that I know WWE Raw is on episode 957?  Just wondering.

Seacrusty tells us about the Stevie/Whitney dynamic, then tells us, "Because of this, we will reveal the Bottom Guy and the Bottom Girl, and the judges will decide who stays and who goes."  Interesting...

Joshua Lidet bats lead-off, with "I Wish" for the City", and helping out is not only Jimmy Iovine (Eye-veen), but also R&B Supa-Dupa Stah Mary J. Blige.  Note:  One of my Top 50 songs of all time is Mary J.'s "Real Love" from 1992ish.  Would go on my Samson High School Soundtrack if I had one.  Maybe I should make one. 

Back to Joshua... he's bringing it.  I can dig it.  Randy the Dawg says, "You just blew it out!  Yo!  Dawg!  Yo!"  And what the heck is that broach on Randy the Dawg's lapel?  J-Lo loved it.  Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler loved it.

Elise Testosterone wants to sing "The Greatest Love of All", but Jimmy Iovine and Mary J. tells her NO.  She can't be singing that song.  They then push "I'm Your Baby Tonight", which is my favorite Whitney song of all time.  Of course, it doesn't help that she says she'd never heard to song before.  Wait... what?  Are they trying to get rid of my dear E-Test off the bat? 

She sounds good, but she really doesn't sound like she really loves that song.  I do love her voice, though.  J-Lo says what I just said, that being she didn't feel a connection to the song.  Of course not, J-Lo... this isn't even what she wanted!  Creepy Uncle Steven and Randy the Dawg says the same.

This guy made a 91 after spending 6 weeks in the bathroom

Big Daddy Jermaine is up next, and going to sing "Knocks Me Off My Feet", a Stevie song that I really don't know very well.  I almost feel that Jermaine should just sing Luther songs all the time, every week.  No matter the theme.  50's songs?  Luther.  70's songs?  Luther.  Songs on the Pop Charts right now? Luther.  Have you seen this guy?  Are you going to tell him no? 

He kind of reminds me of the big dude in "Summer School" who went to the bathroom and spent six weeks there ("my zipper got stuck", he tells Mr. Shoop, played by Mark Harmon) and still scored the highest on the placement test.  I have to think about stuff like this to keep me from falling asleep because it ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Creepy Uncle Stevie loved it.  J-Lo loved it.  Randy the Dawg loved it. 

Along the lines of songs I'm not familiar with, its Erika Van Pelt doing "I Believe In You and Me", a Whitney song I don't know much about.  I dig me some EVP, truly.  She's funny and she's fun, and she's just cute enough to be cute, but not overly cute that she's not cute.  You follow me?  Good.

Mary J. tells EVP her tone is like a "steak and potatoes dinner, not celery".  They advise her to NOT try and sing like Whitney, but use her rasp and do her own style.   As she starts singing, I do recognize this song... its from "The Preacher's Wife".  This quite possibly was Whitney's last good song ever. 

EVP hits the big part of the song, and does it with wonderful restraint.  You down with EVP?  Yeah, you know me!

Randy the Dawg loved her "unbelievable tone".  J-Lo gushes.  Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler says, "it was perfect!"  We all be down with EVP.

By the way, Seacrusty says, "You have a new nickname... EVP!"  I look at The Lovely Steph Leann and say, "Ha!  I started that!  They read the blog!" and she quickly lets me know, "No, they didn't."  Thanks dear.  Frowny face.

Yup.  I own this.  Kids, this is called a "Cah-Set Tape"

Here comes Colton Dixon, doing one of my favorites, "Lately".  Full disclosure, though... I strongly prefer Jodeci's version from circa 1992, though Stevie's is pretty good too.  I even own the cassette single! 

I would have been interested in hearing Daughtry do this song a few years back too, as Colton is the most Daughtry-esque Idol we have this year.  Colton is really doing well, too... and for those of you who watched the show, his background video is distracting.  I have a new laptop, and it looks like a new-age screen saver that I have the option to download (but refused) from Microsoft's website.

Creepy Uncle Stevie says, "Outstanding!"... J-Lo says, "Great!"... Randy the Dawg says, "Yo!" and then says "wasn't pitch perfect" and then says, "the end, flawless."  I agree. 

Its Shannon Magrane!  And she says, "I'll be singing 'I Have Nothing'", and my reaction immediately is "Oooh..."  I almost feel like singing Whitney songs is hard enough... but there are a few "untouchables" from her that you just don't even try unless you know beyond a shadow of a doubt you can blow it out... not just try your best, but own that sum-gun... "I Will Always Love You" and this one come to mind immediately.

And I'll tell you first, I really like Shannon Magrane... I think she's cute, she's bubbly, and she's got a great voice.  But she just proved my point above.  She didn't blow it out, she barely made it through. 

J-Lo tells her that "you're capable of doing it... but you need to relax".  Creepy Uncle Steven says, "Your nerves got the best of you."  Randy the Dawg concurs.  I don't agree.  I just think that song is way, way, waaaay too big for her.  Its an Untouchable. 

Leave it to my least favorite Idol, D'Kenny G, to sing one of my least favorite Stevie songs, "Master Blaster".  And he's doing a version in one of my least favorite styles of music, reggae.  I just threw up in my mouth.  The Lovely Steph Leann says, "its bad all around." 

No joke.  Or, hopefully this is a joke.  This is terrible.  I want this kid to go home so, so badly. 

I'm also a little iffy on the whole "judges pick a wild-card to join the contest" thing... I mean, its up to the voters by the semis, right?  So why put in Idols the people didn't want, as judged by their votes?  And what if one of these cats win the whole thing?  An Idol that people didn't want who goes on to win it?  Its like that season of Survivor where they had an Outcast Tribe, made up of Lil and Eric Bana, and others that were voted out... and Lil almost won the whole thing!? 

And of course, all the judges dug the fool out of it.  Suck.

Country girl Skylar Laine is doing something smart with her Whitney song, "Where Do Broken Hearts Go", a song that is known, but not one that people immediately think of when they think of Whitney music.   And this works perfectly.

She's doing a version that I quite literally could imagine hearing on 104.7 WZZK right now.   She's not my #1 favorite, and this isn't necessarily my favorite performance of the night, but this is the best sung song of the night so far. 

J-Lo should be gushing over her, and does.  "Biggest moment of the night."  Creepy Uncle Steven says, "That was a thing of beauty."  Randy the Dawg says, "What I love is you are a country girl, but you just proved that you can sing any song." 

And here comes Hee Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better).  I just see this guy and he makes me laugh.  He's doing another more obscure Stevie song, "All is Fair in Love".  Mary J. says, "He caught me off guard--I didn't expect Hee Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better) to sound like that!"  He then wins over Jimmy Iovene and Mary J. by handing them autographed pictures of himself.  Jimmy's says, "Jimmy Ivene, I love you!' and Mary J's says, "Mary J, I love you more than Jimmy!" This guy cracks me up.

And that helps, because while sung well, the song is sorta boring.  And the judges loved the poop outtat this kid.  Rightly so.  Randy the Dawg even said, "It wasn't perfect... but it was really good."

Tiny little Hollie Cav is doing a borderline Untouchable, that being Whitney's "All the Man That I Need", one of my Top Ten favorite Whitney songs ever.   And I feel like, we are obliged to like Hollie Cav, cause she's so darn nice.  She's also a prime example of how good professional hair and make-up people can make you look, cause she's just cutesy patootsy in her mentoring with Mary J. and Jimmy Iovine, but onstage, she's almost hot.  Almost.  She's not Bayley Brown! mind you... oh, Bayley Brown!, you coulda been a contenda.

I'm a little scared of that ring she's got on, though--it's like, her Planet Krypton High School class ring.  The judges just loved her, and rightly so.

Long live Baylie Brown!

So, Jeremy Risotto is called "Jer-Bear" by J-Lo?  Gag me with a dirty spoon.  Now, unlike D'Kenny G, I like Jeremy Risotto.  I do.  Seems like a good kid.  However, like D'Kenny G, I'm not a fan.  Its not that Jeremy is bad, he's got some talent, he's just not as good as some of the others that could have been picked... Reed Grimm?  Hallie Day?  Baylie Brown!? 

Jeremy is doing "Ribbon in the Sky" and for the second time tonight, I'm borZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

(yawn... stretch... smack lips to get rid of sleepy breath...)

Who's next?

So, I'm hearing a ton about Jessica Sanchez... and she's doing an Untouchable.  When it comes to Whitney, perhaps THE Untouchable, "I Will Always Love You."  This has to be perfect, because every. single. note. will be compared to the immortal original.

Remember what I said earlier?  You don't pick a song without knowing you can blow it out? 

Holy crap.

That might have been one of the greatest Whitney cover songs ever on American Idol.  That also might have been one of the top ten greatest Idol songs ever. 

Holy flippin' crap. 

She just made that song her... well, she owned it. 

J-Lo is openly weeping, though that might be because she just saw her horrid "Got the Music In Me" commercial.  Randy the Dawg just exploded.  Creepy Uncle Steven is in awe. 

And finally, here's the guy who has to follow this... Phillip2.  He's going to attempt a much-attempted Stevie song, "Superstition", probably one of my top five Stevie songs.  Phillip Phillips, or Davematthews Davematthews Jr as EW calls him, is one of those that is going to make this song all his own.

And he does that very thing... its a rocking, raspy, eat the mic, jazzy, guitar fueled version, and it really is different enough to successfully follow J-Sanch's perfection just a few moments before.  If Shannon Magrane had followed J-Sanch with her "I Have Nothing", I'm afraid the judges would have just asked her to leave right then and there.

And the judges harp on the whole "you are so different" and "you have your own style" kind of thing. 

Best to worst:  There is J-Sanch's "I Will Always Love You"

Then there is everyone else... EVP's "I Believe In You and Me"... Skylar Laine's "Where Do Broken Hearts Go"... Hollie Cav's "All The Man That I Need"... Colton Dixon's "Lately"... Joshua Lidet's "I Wish"... Phillip2's "Superstition"... Hee Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better)'s "All is Fair in Love"...  Elise Testosterone's "I'm Your Baby Tonight"... Big Daddy Jermaine's "Knocks Me Off My Feet"... Shannon Magrane, "I Have Nothing"... Jeremy Risotto's "Ribbon in the Sky"... and finally, that crap from D'Kenny G

Who goes home?  Either Shannon Magrane or Jeremy Risotto, and they save Jeremy.  Unfortunately.  That's my opinion, anyway.

And the results?  Well, keep reading...

Just Another Sad Love Song Part 1

"Its just another sad love song, racking my brain like crazy. Guess I'm all torn up, be it fast or slow, it doesn't let go or shake me... and its all because of you..." -- Another Sad Love Song by Toni Braxton

Some years ago, say, 2006, I did a post called "Sad Songs Say So Much", where I listed what I felt was the 20th Saddest Songs Ever.


Well, here we are, six full years later, and its time to revisit. So for this Valentine's Day, I wanted to give you my new list, this time, The 25 Saddest Songs Ever... many of the songs are the same, just lower or higher, but since in six years I've gained several new readers, this is new to you!

Broken into 2 parts for length and time (I've got just long enough to finish this before The Lovely Steph Leann wakes up, meaning Campbell wakes up on the couch and I've got to feed him. And her), here is numbers 25 through 11... the top ten will be listed in a day or so. I promise.

Note... these are all about heartbreak. There are many songs out there about abuse and suicide and death and tragedy and destruction and such, but I centered only on the loneliness, despair and ache that can only be felt with a broken heart... except for one song, which will be explained when we get there. So no "Its So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday" by Boyz II Men, a song about death.

Honorable Mentions... "She's Always a Woman" by Billy Joel (too much like #23)... "Unbreak My Heart" by Toni Braxton (overplayed to the point that its lost its punch)... "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins (too easy)... "Superstar" by The Carpenters (too stalkery).... and "Whiskey Lullaby" by Brad Paisley & Alison Krauss (too drunky)


(25) "Somebody Lied" by Ricky Van Shelton 
"Hello? Yeah, this is me. Lord, its been a long, long time. I know this ain't no social call, so go ahead, get it off your mind. You heard what? Well, it ain't true. I was here most all last night... I got over you the day you left, could it be somebody lied?"

Talk about a gut wrenching song... this dude gets a call from his ex-chick, and his ex is like, "Dude, I heard you been asking about me too all our friends... what the crap, yo?" and he is like, "Naw, that ain't me. Somebody been lying to you." And then she's like, "Man, I been done heard you been like, crying and all to all of our peeps, yo." And then, he is like, "Naw, I ain't shed a tear in years. And that I talked about you? That is crazy... I ain't even noticed you be gone, yo."

Then, he asked, "... so, if they were true, what would it matter to you, would it change the way you feel? If the rumors were right, would you be here tonight, to help this old heart heal? But, don't worry, it wasn't me. Just someone who's world was torn in two. Someone who looks alot like me, and loves someone like you."

(24) "I'll Be There For You" by Bon Jovi
"... I guess this time your really leaving... I heard your suitcase say goodbye... and as my broken heart lies bleeding... you said true love is suicide..."

Ouch. Jon Bon Jovi's growly voice kicks in after a memorable twangy opening, then spends the next five minutes or so simply begging and pleading for her not to leave.

But she ain't having it. She says she's cried a thousand rivers, but now she's swimming for the shore.

(23) "Secret Garden" by Bruce Springsteen, the "Jerry Maguire" version
"...I was just about to tell you... that I love him. I DO! I love him! And I don't care what you think, I love him for the man he wants to be, and I love him for the man... he almost is! I love him, Laurel. I love him. I love him."

That line is spoken in the depths of the movie "Jerry Maguire", one of my 100 favorite films of all time, and also at the very beginning of this version of the highly underrated Bruce Springsteen song. Its a song all about a chick who is distant, who is secretive, who lets her man in only so far, then pushes him away... while the dude himself yearns to be closer to her. "She lead you down a path, there'll be tenderness in the air. She'll let you in just far enough so you'll know she's really there..." Sad, sad.


I frakkin' love this movie. No joke.

(22) "Don't Close Your Eyes" by Keith Whitley
"...don't close your eyes, let it be me, don't pretend its him in some fantasy. Darling, just once let yesterday go, you'll find more love than you'll ever know. Just hold me tight, when you love me tonight, and don't close your eyes..."

So, not only does this guy have to suffer through having a chick, being in love with this chick even, that he knows has a previous man... but he has to suffer with the knowledge that even though she is with him, she's thinking of her previous man! What!? What what?! So rather than telling her to hit the bricks, he actually just begs her to just stay awake, because if she closes her eyes or goes to sleep, she'll think of her old boo. Sad. And even worse, I've been there.

And its even worse that Keith Whitley ended up drinking himself to death a few years after this monumental hit.

(21) "With or Without You" by U2
"see the stone set in your eyes, feel the thorn twist in your side, and I wait... for you."

I echo my sentiments from six years ago... You chicks are evil. Seriously.

(20) "Separate Lives" by Phil Collins and Marilyn Martin
"Oh, its so typical, love leads to isolation. So you build that wall (build that wall), you build that wall, and you make it stronger... you have no right to ask me how I feel. You have no right to speak to me so kind. Someday I might find myself looking in your eyes. But for now, we'll go on living... separate lives."

Whew. Written by Stephen Bishop (a soft pop guy from the early 80s, had a hit with "It Might Be You" from "Tootsie"), he dated Karen Allen, who we know as the love interest from the first and fourth Indiana Jones movies. They had a bad breakup, and Bishop wrote this song after actually calling her from his hotel room--which is in the song. Ouch.

(19) "I'll Never Get Over You (getting over me)" by Expose
"...I try to smile so the hurt won’t show… tell everybody I was glad to see you go…"

Talk about someone who can’t let go! Here’s a chick who is just watching her man go about and have a good time, she has watched him not only move on, but also forget about her. From 1992, its Expose’s last hit on the charts.

By the way, Expose falls under that Pat Benetar category of "Artists that you never realized had so many songs that you like"... I mean, Expose was a pretty big deal in the late, late 80s and early 90s... "Point of No Return" and "When I Looked at Him" and of course, their biggest hit of all, "Seasons Change", which is an awesome song.

FYI... I played this song as I broke up with a girl my freshman year in college.  What a douchey move, I admit it.  Sorry.  I was 18.    


(18) "Can't Let Go" by Mariah Carey
"...you even realize the sorrow I have inside, every day of my life? Do you know they way it feels when all you have just died? I try and try to deny the way that I feel but still you remain on my mind…"

From the 1991 album “Emotions”, here’s Mariah Carey’s ode to losing someone… not just losing someone, nay nay! Losing someone and not being able to move forward! Losing them and watching them be with someone else! Now this song was Mariah’s 6th single ever, but the first to not make it to #1, as it stalled at #2. The song that kept it from #1? All for Love by Color Me Badd.

(17) "I Can't Stay Away from You" by Gloria Estefan & The Miami Sound Machine
"...and I don’t wanna be your second choice, don’t wanna be just your friend… you keep telling me that you’re not in love, you wanna throw it all away…"

From 1988, the album Let It Loose, its Gloria Estefan AND the Miami Sound Machine. This one is heartbreaking because not only does she lose her boo… not only is he moving on… not only can she not move on… but she can’t stay away from him. She can’t stop thinking about him. She wants him to call her up and say “I need you too”. Its just so… so painful.

Is there a better band name that "The Miami Sound Machine"? That's an awesome name. I think if the Miami Dolphins ever had a good defense, they could call it "The Miami Pound Machine". Wait... that sounds wrong. Never mind.

(16) "Nothing Broken But My Heart" by Celine Dion
"If you ask me how I'm doing, I'm fine. All I needed was a little time.... so if you think I still need you, baby, I really don't know why... but if you see me, nothing's broken... nothing's broken but my heart."

Here's my absolute favorite song by Celine Dion… from her self titled album released in 1992, it’s a tune about a bad breakup. She herself has moved on, just like her man. She’s gotten herself together, she’s started a new life and all that rot. But still… she finds herself reflecting and says, “you know, you might think my world has ended, but really… nothing is wrong. Except for the fact I have a broken heart.” And there it is.

Dig the Vh1 logo in the corner. Old school.

(15) "No One Is to Blame" by Howard Jones
"You can see the summit, but you can't reach it. The last piece of the puzzle, but you just can't make it fit... doctor says your cured, but you still feel the pain, aspirations in the clouds but your hopes go down the drain..."

Its all about being attracted to someone you just can't be with. The entire song is filled with contradictions--you can be the fastest runner, but you aren't allowed to win. You can dip your foot in the pool, but you can't have a swim. And you want her, and she wants you... but it just ain't happening. And guess what? No one, no one, no one ever, is to blame.

Howard Jones got the idea for this song in 1985 on a trip to San Francisco, when a friend asked him about the women in San Fran. When Jones said he found them great, the friend said, "Well, you can look at the menu, but you don't have to eat." And it was a song after that.

(14) "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston
Oh Whitney. Oh, dear, sweet Whitney. I'm not ready to discuss this yet--I truly do feel, no joke intended, that a piece of my music loving soul passed.

Moving on.

(13) "There's a Light In Your Eyes" by The Blessid Union of Souls
"It's been a while since I've seen you, how have you been? Did you get my letter I wrote you that I did not send?"

To me, a quite simplistic, yet painful line. Its about a guy who is fondly remember his woman, the one who left. Perhaps she left because he was a jerkweed, perhaps she left because she knew she herself was a jerkweedette, or perhaps its over because... well, sometimes things just don't work out. Sometimes relationships just don't happen. "I've been thinking and here's what I've come to conclude... sometimes the distance is more than two people can use..." And the dude singing has this great melodic voice that just fits perfectly. Perfectly painful. There's a light in your eyes, did you leave that light burning for me?

(12) "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers
"Ain't no sunshine when she's gone. Its not warm when she's away. Ain't no sunshine when she's gone, she's always gone too long, anytime she goes away."

Such a simple song. Maybe two verse, an undefined chorus and 25 uses of the words "I know". Yet, Bill Withers in his soulful smoothness sings the pain of the heart, the missing of the woman he loves. Because when she's gone, its dark everywhere, especially in the heart. One of my 25 favorite songs of all time.

(11) "I'll Be Okay" by Amanda Marshall
"...I want you to be happy, you're my best friend. But its so hard to let you go now, and all that could have been. I'll always have the memories, she'll always have you. Fate has a way of changing when you don't want it to."

From the soundtrack of a pretty good movie, that being "My Best Friend's Wedding", this is a little known artist named Amanda Marshall... like many artists, big in Canada, not well known here. Its all about the fun of watching your best friend, the one you are in love with, the love of your life, not only love, but end up with someone else. I only know of one other song by Amanda Marshall, that being "Birmingham", but this one is the one to remember.

Next... The Police, sort of.  Gloria returns.  A Broadway staple.  A reverend.  The Top Ten Saddest Songs Ever.