american idol's last hurrah

I'm not sure that anyone but myself, The Lovely Steph Leann and our friend Cindy Jo is actually watching American Idol this season.  Heck, I stopped doing Idol blogs years ago, even before the dumpster fire that was the Mariah Carey/Nicki Minaj season...

SIDEBAR -- I'm proud to say I've been alive for the entire five or six years that Nicki Minaj has even been a thing, and I'm proud to say I haven't heard more than five seconds of any Minaj song.  I know she has one called "Starship" or "Spaceship" or something, but I only know it because the title appears on my screen on SiriusXM, but I'm quick to turn it.  To be fair, she does add a little flair to the Jessie J/Ariana Grande song "Bang Bang" which I want to publicly denounce, but deep down in the iPod of my heart, it sits next to "Party in the USA" as "My Jams" 

OTHER SIDEBAR -- I don't know a lot about Jessie J, other than she sorta looks like a poor man's Idina Menzel.  And honestly, I'm trying not to like Ariana Grande because she's really flaky, but darn it if I actually kinda like her.  Let's move on.

Where was I?  Oh yeah...

Anyway, we are rocketing towards the finale like a Meat Loaf album title (wait for it) and most unexpectedly.  The Lovely Steph Leann and I have had more than one conversation about how Idol has been a mainstay for Fox for a decade and a half, making it a bajillionty dollars, and yet, it's as if the execs at Fox said "Get it done and over as quick as possible."

So much so that we are chunking two at a time in the past few weeks, not even a separate results show, and seriously, I freakin' miss the Silver Stools of Doom that the Bottom Three had to sit on to await their fate!

I figured they would have at least a full Top Ten, even after that quick slashing of the Top 24... but nope. Knocking two out, then two more, then another, all under the guise of "Judge's Save", giving the power to Harry Connick Jr, Jennifer Lopez & keith urban to pick the best of the Bottom 3 to remain.

Anyway, tonight's show was the Final Six, soon to be a Final Five, as the judges use the "last Judge Save".  I didn't even know we were calling it that.

Who do we have?  Sonika Vaid, with her old school Demi Lovato teeth gap... Tristan McIntosh who, for the life of both myself and The Lovely Steph Leann, we cannot figure out how she made it this far... Mackenzie Bourg, who strikes me as very toothy... Dalton Rapattoni, the token eyeliner-wearing guy on the show... Trent Harmon, who is The Lovely Steph's Leann's favorite and seemingly a pretty cool guy... and La'Porsha, the big haired prohibitive favorite who can not just sing, but SAANG.

Here are my thoughts on tonight's episode...

First... Harry made some comment about how this is the final night to use the save, and said something about how everyone is bringing it tonight because they haven't used it yet... but actually, when he said it, the Judge's Save had been used about 10 minutes prior to save Sonika.  This show IS live, right?  Are they pulling a Seacrusty Fakery on us?

Second... Olivia Rox should still be here.  Avalon shouldn't have lasted this long, just like Tristan.

Third... If Idol were to continue, La'Porsha's version of Mary J. Blige's "No More Drama" would go down in A.I. folklore as one of those seminal moments on the show, a la "Summertime" by Fantasia or David Cook's version of "Hello" or Carrie Underwood's "Alone"... something you remember for years to come.

Fourth... While it's never a wrong time to have the performance of your season, like MacKenzie did tonight, it's not quite as magical when you blow everyone away with a tender version of Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean" only to have everyone be blowered awayer more when La'Porsha comes up.

Fifth... This is perhaps the first season that I could see anyone in the Top Four actually winning and being successful (which is a relative term for Idol, because though we have Kelly, Carrie, Daughtry and a few others, we also have DeWyze and Bowersox and many more forgotten names).  I say four because Sonika will likely be dropped next week.  It's time.

Sixth... Do you mean to tell me that Idol listened to the fans and American actually chose "Wild World" by Cat Stevens?  I'd almost guarantee that 88.4% of the Idol audience had no idea who sang "Wild World", and probably 67.9% of that group may not even know who Cat Stevens is.  I smell shenanigans.

Seventh... Its a joy to watch J-Lo, Harry and keith do their thing, because you can tell they truly are having a great time.  People complain that since Simon left, it's gone downhill, but I am one of those people who didn't watch for the disasters, I watched for the talents.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed William Hung and "Pants on the Ground" like anyone else, but I have really reveled in watching the real artists emerge (long live Julia DeMato!), and our three judges feel the same.

Eighth... While not in this episode, go out and find Kelly Clarkson's version of "Piece by Piece" from a few weeks ago, her new song.  Holy crap.  It might be the best performance Kelly has ever pulled off.



Ninth... Speaking of returning Idols, what is Adam Lambert doing that he can't take 2 hours and sit at the table and judge?  Or work with the Idols a little?  Seriously... Kelly Clarkson is like forever pregnant, but sat right down and did a great job helping the Idols, and THEN performed.  I give a pass to Carrie Underwood but Adam Lambert?  Sit yo' butt down and talk to these kids.

Tenth... I'll admit, I like Tristan, but I agree with Harry when he says that she's uber talented, but just not ready for this.  Which is annoying, because he was one of the three people that put her into this Top Ten limelight, but there it is.  She sang a Martina McBride song for the 2nd week in a row, and while last week's "Broken Wing" saved her bacon (she did it justice), this week she did a piano ballady version of "Independence Day".  That's not a song you can make into a ballad, or at least not easily.  And while she sang okay, the song lost its umph with her version.

Last point... Tristan and Sonika were in the Bottom Two, and had to sing to try and earn the Judge's Save.  While Tristan did the aforementioned "Independence Day", Sonika chose to sing, "Demi Lovato's 'Let It Go'"

This led to a deep chat between myself and The Lovely Steph  Leann, because I was somewhat bugged by the fact that it was "Demi's 'Let It Go'"  I immediately piped up with "That's Idina, not Demi.  What the heck?"

The Lovely Steph Leann:  Yeah, but Demi did it
Me: No, Demi did a version of it.  That's Idina Menzel's song.
The Lovely Steph Leann:  Yeah, but Sonika is doing Demi's version of the song
Me: Then Seacrest should say that she's doing Demi's version of an Idina song.
The Lovely Steph  Leann: It's just like when the Carpenter's did "Ticket to Ride".  You don't say they did the Beatles "Ticket to Ride", they did their own version of it.
Me: (Pause): Yeah, but still.

And as usual, she's right.  Still Idina's song.

casey, will you please play...

Record stores sell 'em, radio stations play 'em, and Billboard count's 'em down...

Casey Kasem died a few weeks ago, and I started this the day after his death, only to finish it a few days ago... sorry it's late.  While I will admit it doesn't leave a hole in my being at this stage in my life, it does strike me as kinda sad.  He died of a form of dementia, but his death was somewhat quickened by the way his family jockeyed him back and forth in his final years... his second wife, the current one, forbade his children (with his first wife) to even see Casey, to which they turned around and sued.  At one point, Jean Kasem hid her husband, telling the court that Casey was "no longer in the United States".  He was found in Washington state soon after.  His kids finally got the injunction they wanted, and took over his care, getting a court order to allow Kasem to be taken off ventilators and food machines. 

As a lifelong fan of music, there are three main individuals that had an impact on my musical knowledge... in no particular order:

John Garabedian, the host of Open House Party.  I was never all that popular in school, especially middle school... I didn't go to many parties, mostly because I wasn't invited, and I didn't get asked to hang out a lot on the weekends.  I listened to Open House Party on WKMX 106.7, and understood all the new stuff coming up.  (I wrote another two paragraphs on this just now, and realized this should be it's own blogpost)

Dave "Doc" Kirby, the program director for WTBF 94.7 in Troy Alabama.  First, he hired on my best mate Wookiee as a part time DJ, then he hired me on in 1997, where I ran the mid-morning show for two hours, then some talk radio programs.  But in those morning two hours, I got my education on 60s and 70s rock, everything from Firefall to The Doobie Brothers. 

and finally...

Casey Kasem.  Every Sunday, on the aforementioned WKMX Maximum Music 106.7, Casey Kasem's American Top 40 would play, starting at noon, and ending around 4pm.  And every Sunday, right after church, I would go to my room and spend the afternoon doing whatever, including writing, LEGOs, drawing, creating whatever my 10 year old mind would create... all the while, Casey would tell us "Record stores sell 'em, radio stations play 'em and Radio & Records counts them down!", then he'd get onto the countdown. 

I would write down each song as it was ranked...

I would wait anxiously for how many songs debuted, keeping track of the new music that would end up being huge, like if Lionel Richie's new song "Dancing on the Ceiling" premiered at #35, or this new band, New Kids on the Block, and their first song, which debuts at #37... and how many dropped out, using the dropping out as a benchmark for the end of a song's run, like when "Beat It" finally fell out of the Top 40 after a bajillionty weeks on the countdown.

Then I'd listen as the songs came one by one...

"...at number 34 for a second week in a row is the British band Tears for Fears, with their latest hit, 'Head Over Heels'"
or
"...it peaked at number 5 on the AT40 charts, but Belinda Carlisle falls three notches to number 25 with her latest smash, 'Heaven is a Place on Earth'"
or
"...that was Boston, dropping down to number 2 after spending two weeks at the top spot with 'Amanda'... and now, our new number one song in the land (insert story here about the band) is... 'Human' by The Human League!!!"

Several times, there'd be a listener question that would be teased in one segment ("Coming up, a listener wants to know, what song had the longest title to hit #1 in the rock era?  The answer features a beach and swimwear... we'll have that answer coming up!") and then the commercials, and then the familiar voices of the chicks, singing "American... Top Foooorty...."

Then Casey would play a song, and then answer the question... "John from Des Moines wants to know, what song had the longest title to hit #1 in the rock era?  Well, you have to look all the way back to 1958 when..." and then he'd explain.  By the way, the answer is, in fact, "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini"--I used that example because it actually is the right answer.

I always wondered if these were actual letters from fans across the country, or if every Tuesday Casey stuck his head in the writers room and said, "Okay guys, I need questions.  You come up with three each, plus the answer, and I'll pick my favorites.  Go!"

Then later in the broadcast, several times, we'd have the infamous Request and Dedication... again it would be teased right before a break ("Up next, a request and dedication from a man in Florida who seeks to find the one that got away... I'll have details coming up...") and then commercial, and then, of course, a song. 

"And now, a request and dedication from a man in Florida who wants to reconnect with his soulmate.  It reads: 

Dear Casey, I made a terrible mistake.  I let the one girl I loved get away.  I lived next door to my best friend, Judy, for over ten years, starting when we were in 7th grade.  We grew up together, side by side, walking to school together, learning to drive together, even going to prom together, though we were always just friends.  Then, when we graduated, she went out of state to college, and I went to a local junior college.  She wrote me a letter before she left, and it told me how she had always loved me, and wanted to know if I felt the same.  I didn't know how I felt, because Judy had always been just my friend, so I wrote back and told her that I didn't and that I loved someone else who I was dating at the time.  But I then realized that I did love Judy.  I broke it off with the other girl, and tried to find Judy, but I know that I've broken her heart.  She won't return my phone calls and all of my other letters have been returned unopened, and I don't know how to find her.  I miss her every day, and wish I had a chance to tell her that I love her too.  Casey, would you please play REO Speedwagon's "Keep on Loving You", to let Judy know that I'll wait for her to come back.  Signed, Robert.

Robert, here's your long distance dedication."

I made this up... but it certainly fits the narrative.  By the way, the R&D was the source of Casey's infamous "Snuggles" cursing rant, when in September of 1985, he had just finished playing an upbeat Pointer Sisters song, and then took several takes because he couldn't find the right amount of somberness to properly read a sad dedication about a woman who's dog had just died.  He then went into a saucy, profanity filled tirade at his producer for putting the dedication right after such a happy song.  I've heard it, it's glorious.  Mental Floss actually has a link to it, plus some other Casey facts, including mistakes he's made, and the one song title he wouldn't say during the song's entire chart run.

Anyway, I'd be on my bottom bunk of my bunk beds, listening, soaking up every word Casey said, learning about the singers and bands--like, the band Simply Red was at first just called "Red", but when someone was introducing them, they were called something else by accident... the lead singer whispered to the guy "NO!  Not that!  It's just RED!  It's simply... Red!" and the announcer said, "Oh, I'm sorry... here comes SIMPLY RED!"

And how .38 Special got it's name, something about an incident with a gun that almost killed someone... and every now and then, he'd do a special report on a trend in the music industry, like one in particular that told me how .45s were beginning to fade away, and the newest thing was "...the cassingle... it's a cassette tape with a song on each side, and they are gaining in popularity!"  (Obviously so, I still have over 200 of them in a box)

Casey would get to the Top Five, and nothing would tear me away from my stereo... of course, since I listened so regularly, by the time he got to #3, I had an idea of how it would play out, but still... I'd hear that drumroll, and I'd be ready, not daring to write down what I already knew would be the top song... "For the second week in a row, the number one song in the nation is... 'Shake You Down' by Gregory Abbott!"

And of course, after he reads all the credits, he'd remind us to "keep our feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars!"  They should put that on an inspirational poster.

That was a typical Sunday for me... but then, the big countdowns would be even better... he'd take the last week of December and the first week of January, and do the TOP ONE HUNDRED of the year--fifty songs on one show, fifty songs on the next... and even if I had several of these countdowns written down, I'd still write down all 100, song by song as it's played.  I was at my friend Greg Avant's house one New Year's Eve, and I made him listen to the countdown as WKMX was playing it where the #1 song would coincide with midnight... we railed against the fact the #1 song was Elton John, Dionne Warwick and Stevie Wonder's "That's What Friends Are For".  The following year, it was much better, with The Bangles "Walk Like an Egyptian", and I was pleased that Debbie Gibson, my Hollywood Girlfriend in 1987, ranked in the Top 10 for the year with "Lost in Your Eyes".

All in all, I was a huge fan.  A local radio station in Birmingham, WMJJ Magic 96.5, plays old countdowns on Sunday morning, starting at 9am.  As we are racing to church, we usually can hear the first couple of songs, and by the time we get out of church, it's usually in the Top 6 or 7.  I've actually sat in the car before going in a restaurant because it was on #2, and I had to know what #1 was (that particular week it was "What's Love Got to Do with It?" by Tina Turner).

And it irritated the heck out of me when last November, they went wall-to-wall Christmas Music, meaning no Casey for two months.   Sidenote:  One thing I have learned in listening to this countdown on Magic 96.5 as we go to church is that the early 80s really sucked when it came to music.  The Lovely Steph Leann and I like about one in every five songs we hear, many of them have never been heard before by our own ears.

So there ya go... I enjoyed him as Shaggy in Scooby Doo cartoons... I really liked him in Battle of the Planets, my favorite cartoon as a kid... but American Top 40 was were it was at for me when it came to Casey Kasem. 

Thanks Casey, for decades of enjoyment.  My feet will stay on the ground, and I'll reach those stars one day, I promise. 

my favorite albums... 80 to 71

Continuing on my own personal list of my all time favorite albums, CDs, records, digital copies and so forth...

Introduction
My 100 to 91st Favorite Albums of All Time
My 90 to 81st Favorite Albums of All Time

80
"The Way That I Am" by Martina McBride (1993)... It was very tempting to go with "The Greatest Hits" from Martina... she's a country icon, one of my favorite voices and let's be honest, very easy on the eyes.  But this, her second album (following "The Time Has Come") is just amazing.  The one negative about any greatest hits compilation is the track lineup... the original albums were arranged for the music to flow perfectly, and in a best-of, its mostly just hit after hit, or in chronological order.  Martina's "Greatest" is an awesome set... but "The Way That I Am" has "Life #9" and "My Baby Loves Me" and the heart wrenching "Where I Used to Have a Heart" and her signature song, "Independence Day"... few times has a woman taking revenge on an abusive husband sounded so doggone awesome.  By far, my favorite track.

79

"Even Worse" by Weird Al Yankovic (1988)... Michael Jackson was always a good sport when it came to Weird Al's parodies, and this takeoff of MJ's "Bad" was no different.  The lead single, "Fat" is hysterical ("the sidewalk cracks... when I fall down... I've got more chins than Chinatown... ham on... ham on whole wheat, alright..."), and the video is even better.  But the jokes keep on coming, including "This Song is Just Six Words Long", a rendition of George Harrison's "I've Got My Mind Set On You" and "I Think I'm a Clone Now", from Tiffany's (and Tommy James & the Shondells) "I Think We're Alone Now"... my favorite is the original "Good Ole Days", a James Taylor'esque look back at the days of yon... "do you remember sweet Michelle, she was my high school romance... she was fun to talk to, and nice to smell, so I took her to the homecoming dance... well, I tied her to a chair and shaved off all her hair, and left her in the desert all alone... well, sometimes in my dreams I can still hear her scream, oh I wonder if she ever made it home... those were the good old days..."

78
"Grease: The Original Soundtrack from the Motion Picture" (1978)... Who doesn't love "Grease"?  Its the kind of film that when you see it on the big screen at special theater shows, you can sing along to everything.  In college, I saw it with a group of friends, and all we did was sing, or at least mouth the words, and do the hand jive during the TV show taping.  If you pick this one up, make sure you get the full album... there is a single disc CD that has the major stuff on it, but there is a 2-disc set that has all of it... you want that.  Its hard to pick a favorite, though... "Hopelessly Devoted To You" is sweet... "Summer Nights" is fun... "You're the One That I Want" is great... and I do love "Sandy", as silly as it is. 

Two thoughts on "Grease", since we are on the subject...

1) You do.not.understand how dirty and innuendo filled "Greased Lightning" is until you get older and are able to understand such things.  Its like "Walk this Way" or "Pour Some Sugar On Me"... nothing but musical sex dressed up with fun phrases that mislead a 12 year old into singing along.

2) This was the cassette I was listening to when I had my first wreck.  I was driving along through Elba, Alabama, not paying attention, singing along to the title song, "Grease", and ran a red light.  I smashed into the side of an Oldsmobile with a couple of brothers in it.  They weren't happy, but I didn't get beat up.  Which was good. 

77

And as a 12 year old boy, how cool is this album cover? I
just don't feel like they do cool album art anymore... its
an afterthought now, in this day and age of mp3s and
iTunes and immediate downloads...

"Hysteria" by Def Leppard (1987)... When I was 12, my brother Shawn had acquired this tape from a friend of his, this band called Def Leppard.  On it was this song that just had hit the radio, "Pour Some Sugar On Me", this sexually charged party anthem that would go on to become an all time classic and a mainstay on rock stations forever.  Again, like in the previous album review, we didn't know the full meaning of the song, we just liked singing "I'm hot, hot, so hot, sticky sweet!" at the top of our lungs.  Anyway, I really liked what I heard... rock like "Armageddon It", whatever the crap that even means... "Rocket" and "Animal" and "Don't Shoot Shotgun"... this album rules.  I mean, they have a one-armed drummer!  My favorite track: "Hysteria"

76
"Sleepless in Seattle" Original Motion Picture Soundtrack (1993)... As the years go on, this movie holds up.  And I think it will be shown on cable and E! and the TV Guide Channel and Hallmark for decades.  Part of the charm of this film, though, is the music.... and to 17 year old me, it was my first real introduction to the likes of Jimmy Durante, Ricky Lee Jones and Nat King Cole.  Every track is gold, no moment is wasted, and everything has its own special place in the movie... my favorite track is hard to choose, but its probably something sing-along-able, like Harry Connick Jr's "A Wink and a Smile" or the classic "A Kiss to Build a Dream On" by Louis Armstrong.

75
"Greatest Hits" by Keith Whitley (1990)... For those who have no idea who Keith Whitley is, you probably know his music... or at least, "When You Say Nothing At All", a song later made even more famous by Alison Krauss.  The late 80s featured Whitley in heavy rotation on a ton of country stations, featuring such now-classics as "Miami, My Amy"... "Don't Close Your Eyes"... and "I'm No Stranger to the Rain".  And that's what made it so sad when on May 9, 1989, he was found dead, face down in his bed, fully clothed, after a weekend of drinking and partying.  The official report was alcohol poisoning, with a blood level of .477--that's equal to 20 1oz shots of 100-proof whiskey.  I'm not a drinker, but that seems to be heckuva lot of the booze.  Like Tupac, Keith Whitley's music was released long after his death.  My favorite cut on the album: "Don't Close Your Eyes"

So... could I be the first person to ever put Tupac Shakur and Keith Whitley in the same sentence?  Maybe.  I hope so.  We all have to have goals.

74
"Cooleyhighharmony" by Boyz II Men (1991)... I love me some Nate, Mike, Shawn and Wanya... no joke.  Its often joked how similar some of their songs are, with the slower pace and the deep voice speaking about "Baby, come back, I know its tough, but I know we can make it" or something like that.  Doesn't matter, though, because Boyz II Men sounded great in all their music. This was their first album, and it was an R&B masterpiece, with "Uhh Ahh", and the song that would end up being the Samson High School 1993 Class Song, "It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday"... and of course, the incredibly cool "Motownphilly", which makes you move.

Do they still do class songs?  I wanted ours to be "Forever Young" by Rod Stewart.  Someone else pushed hard for "Free Bird" by Skynyrd.  I'll take "Its So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday", even though it was featured in a funeral scene for a teenage gangbanger in "Lethal Weapon 3".

73

In 1994, any picture with the Friends gang in it was a
picture you wanted to be in.  We don't think about it
much now, but back then, this show was a huge'
cornerstone in so many lives, especially those in
high school and like myself, in college

"Friends Original TV Soundtrack" (1995)... Like the TV Soundtrack to Ally McBeal, this is one that stayed in heavy rotation in my CD player... well, at first my tape player, then my CD player... for a long time.  "Sunshine" by Paul Westerberg became a daily sing along with me, while "Shoe Box" was fun to blare while speeding up Highway 231... plus, Hootie & the Blowfish's "I Go Blind" was awesome, as I am a big fan of Hootie, and I ranked "Good Intentions" by Toad the Wet Sprocket as my 2nd favorite song in all of 1995 (behind "Fantasy" by Mariah Carey. Naturally.)   And to top it off, there were bits of dialogue from some episodes intersparsed between tracks... loved it.  Favorite track is definitely "Good Intentions"

72
"Notting Hill Original Motion Picture Soundtrack (1999)... Let me establish that I frickin' love this movie.  I love it.  I love everything about it.  Currently, it sits as my 15th favorite film of all time... its just wonderful.  Like "Sleepless in Seattle", the music is a big, big part of it.  Its got your typical love song stuff, "You've Got a Way" by Shania Twain and "I Do (cherish you)" by 98 Degrees... there is an Elvis Costello cover of "She" that is pretty great... but there are three that pop out and make this entire albu\m shine--"How Do You Mend a Broken Heart" from The Rev'rn Al Green... the incomparable Bill Withers doing "Ain't No Sunshine... and Steve Winwood leading The Spencer Davis Group, rocking out on "Gimme Some Loving", one of the best party songs in the history of the world.  All three are immaculate tunes.



By the way... the scene when "Ain't No Sunshine" comes in, when Will (Hugh Grant) walks down the street and you see the seasons pass him by as he walks--so underrated as a visual montage.  I mean, just incredible. 

71
"Thriller" by Michael Jackson (1982)... Okay.  Its Michael Jackson.  It's "Thriller".  Its "Billie Jean".  Its "Beat It".  Its "P.Y.T. (pretty young thing)".  Its "Human Nature".  And it's one of the best jams in the history of great jams... "Wanna Be Starting Something".  Nothing else I can say... if you say you like Michael Jackson, you need to either buy, or at least listen to this soon.

So, I rave about it, but why isn't it higher on the list?  Well... because its at 71.  That's how this works.  There are 70 albums I like better than Thriller.  So there.

ALMOST MADE THE CUT

Another soundtrack that I really enjoy is the 1997 "My Best Friend's Wedding" music.  I mean, its fluffy and love-struck, like most rom-coms, but sometimes the guy who puts these things together really outdoes himself.   The opening cut is the signature song from the film, "I Say a Little Prayer (for you)", this version done by Diane King... then the song that opens the movie itself, Ani DiFranco's version of "Wishin and Hopin'"... Jimmy Soul's comical "If You Wanna Be Happy"... and how can you beat Tony Bennett's "The Way You Look Tonight" (okay... Sinatra's is better, but Tony's is pretty good)... and towards the end of the album, you have the cast version of "Say a Little Prayer (for you)", from the famous dinner scene in the movie.  My favorite, though, and one of my all time favorite songs--at least in my Top 50--is Amanda Marshall's ode to letting go of someone you love, called "I'll Be Okay".  Holy crap is this song brutal.  Awesome, but brutal. 

Idols in the Nicks of Time

Well, here we are once again, on a rainy, lazy Friday night... The Lovely Steph Leann has Campbell in her arms, as they snooze, the only sound in the house is the clicking of my keyboard, backed up by the whirring and humming of the washing machine upstairs as it cleanses bibs, onsies, diaper cloths and other apparel for the umpteenth time of formula, soured milk and general baby droolness.  How's that for an opening run-on sentence?

The Lovely Steph Leann was gone for two nights, and the grandparents agreed to keep him overnight both nights, to afford me the chance to be at work at blue-thirty in the morning... so with 2 evenings free, my mind raced to all the things I could do:  clean the upstairs back bedroom!  watch a few DVR'ed movies!  grab a quiet dinner somewhere nice like Popeye's Chicken & Biscuits or Krystals!  or blog some of the movies I've seen recently, like "The Hunger Games" or "Green Lantern" or "Safe House" or "Warrior"!  I think the term for this is "best laid plans", and I think that might be a Toby Keith song or something, who knows.

Along with all the things I didn't get to do, because I never got home until 830, or even after 9, is the viewing of this week's American Idol.  And apparently the Top 9 get a house together?  I remember the Idols living together at some point, but I never remember it being a "milestone" like, "Top 12 in the finals" and "Top 10 make the tour" and so on.  I keep expecting Seacrusty to say "Remember, those who make the Top 8 get pedicures every day for the rest of their Idol journey!" and next week, to come out with "And our Top 7 will get to watch endless Adam Sandler films, 24/7!". 

Anyway... let's get 'er done...

THIS IS

AMERICAN IDOL

TOP NINE

What is the theme?  Not a clue.  But here's Seacrusty to first introduce us to our Idols, and he pulls out a "Hunger Games" reference by saying, "Idols, may the odds be ever in your favor!" 
Tonight's theme is actually "The Idols own personal Idols", which I almost feel is a cop-out theme.   "Just pick your favorite artist, and just hope they aren't so obscure or unknown that we won't have anything for you to sing, and you end up having to sing Meat Loaf."

In addition to the Idols Idols, they will also be singing in trios over the course of the night... and Jimmy Iovine has brought in a musical icon, that being Stevie Nicks.

First!  Its Colton Dixon!  He'll be singing Lifehouse's "Everything", which he declares as "his favorite worship song".  Who doesn't love this kid?  And Stevie Nicks is turning that worship song into "something I want sung to me."  Nicks, a known Wiccan, has an interesting perspective.

It takes the chorus for me to remember the song, but I do remember belting this out in church... and Colton is making it happen.  And I love the fact he's not afraid to say the name "Jesus" and not just "God" on TV. 

Creepy Uncle Steven says "You are a dream come true for a judge on Idol!"  J-Lo is all emotional and moved.  Randy the Dawg says that Colton is a star, and full of passion.

And for me, I liked the fact it wasn't a song, but it was a performance.

Now, we get Little Skylar Laine, doing some Miranda Lambert, notably "Gunpowder and Lead".  Stevie Nicks tells her that she [Little Skylar Laine] is a storyteller, and truly, I would think if she can make it into the Top Three or Four in this year's competition, I can see the country scene snatching her up a'la America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina.  Maybe not someone who will win Grammys or even a bunch of CMAs, ACMs, CMTs and whatever else country music gives awards for, but someone who can have a few hits on the air. 

Having said that, while this song was done strong and with power, I wasn't a huge fan of it.  Good job, just not my song.  The judges, however, loved it.

The first trio of the night is, naturally, "Landslide", featuring Colton Dixon, Phillip2 and Elise Testosterone.  You could do a lot worse than this, by the way.  Personally, I like the Dixie Chicks version of this better than Stevie Nicks, but honestly, I like the Dixie Chicks version of anything and everything better.  "Landslide" transitions into E-Test's gravelly voice doing "Edge of Seventeen" (that's the one that says, "just like the white winged dove, sings a song sounds like she's singing, ooh, baby ooh, baby ooh).  To finish up, Phillip2 leads "Don't Stop", another Fleetwood Mac standard.  Marvelous.

Up next, its Hee Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better), who was lambasted last week for not taking the competition seriously.  Bayley Brown! would have been better.  Long Live Bayley Brown!

He'll be singing "A Song For You" by Donnie Hathaway, one I'm not all that familiar with.  Like Little Skylar Laine, I have no complaints about the effort... I'm just bored with the song... I mean, how is he going to convince America to vote for him when he can't get the to stay awZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

(yawn)

(stretch)

(smack lips, grimace from gross sleepy mouth taste)

Where was I?   Oh yeah, Hee Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better) just finished.  The judges loved him.   And the producers were hoping against hope that he'd suck it up this week, so he wouldn't win. 

Jason Derulo with his neck brace.  His blingy neck
brace.  Three words you don't see together often.

Seacrusty tells us that there is a new Idol song contest, with Coke.  You can help Jason Derulo write a new "smash" for Co-Cola... there's an old one?  And it looks like Jason Derulo had a smash of his own, wearing a neck brace from a neck break recently.  Wait... what? 

Anyway, the last time Idol had a songwriting contest, we got this travesty of American justice called "This is My Now", which gave me endless fodder to the point where some folks don't even recognize the joke. 

Hollie Cav is singing "Jesus Take the Wheel".  Of course she is singing Carrie Underwood.  Someone had to.  I wonder if one of the Idols piped up to sing Kelly Clarkson, and the producers slapped that down, saying, "No way... she's a traitor... she showed up on The Voice.  And dissed us.  Take that Kelly crap outta here."

I've noticed Hollie Cav has very, very fine, thin lips.  See, I know chicks who have thin lips, and that's all well and good, but I need a little puff to my chick's lips.  Not collagen, or Botox or anything, just a little life.  My darling wife has good lips.  Just sayin'. Where was I?

Randy the Dawg said the song was a dangerous choice, but still was a good performance.  J-Lo said it was one of the best from Hollie Cav.  Creepy Uncle Steven says he wished she had sang a different song, but "I'm not going to mess with Jesus or Carrie..."

And now, the low part of the show... and I wonder if the judges also see this too, as they bury him right in the middle of the performances.  Its DeAndre Crappensuck himself, singing an Eric Benet (!) song called, "Sometimes I Cry". 

The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Who?"

In one of my favorite re-watchable crappy movies in recent years, "Grown Ups" starring Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, David Spade, Kevin James and Rob Schneider, there is a scene where David Spade's character, Higgins, makes a gesture after being grossed out by something.

He uses both hands, then imitates throwing up, making a "bleeeaahhhh" sound.  I want to make the exact same sound and use the same gestures. 

J-Sanch has loved Beyonce since she, J-Sanch, was like 7 years old.  Of course, I was about 23 when Destiny's Child hit the scene, and about 25 or 26 when Beyonce was good to go solo.  J-Sanch is singing the Sasha Fierce tune, "Sweet Dreams"... another one that I don't really know very well. 

Here's my thing with Jessica Sanchez... she's very, very talented.  She's very articulate.  She's got a pure, beautiful voice and could sing just about anything in the R&B/Pop/Easy wheelhouse.  Maybe the best all around voice in the whole show right now.  But she's boring.  I like Phillip2's style, I love E-Test's gravelly voice, Colton Dixon's all cool and got the hair and all that... but J-Sanch?  She's just boring. 

But, I am glad it wasn't a take on Beyonce's take on the Eurythmics' "Sweet Dreams", which I have grown to really despise over the years.  Or maybe I just don't like Annie Lennox.  That's probably it.

The judges love it, by the way.

So now, its D'Crappensuck, Hee Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better) and Joshua Ledet, doing the second trio of the night, this a medley old Michael Jackson... starting out with "Lady in My Life", they transition into "Rock With You", which I totally dig in real life, but watching Hee Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better) try to rock with you makes me laugh.  The next song is "P.Y.T (pretty young thing)", a forgotten classic by MJ on the "Thriller" album.   Not bad. 

Me: I feel like PYT is one you never hear anymore... I really like that tune
The Lovely Steph Leann:  I had a co-worker that had that song as her ringtone
Me: PYT?
The Lovely Steph Leann:  Yeah
Me:  That is AWESOME

Phillip2 is doing a Jonny Lang song called "Still Rainin".  Stevie Nicks tells him that "you'd been friends with me and Lindsey Buckingham in 1975, Mick Fleetwood would have invited all three of us to join Fleetwood Mac.  No doubt in my mind."  Friends, THAT is a compliment. 

Now, Phillip2 isn't the most vocally awesome Idol in the show... but he's still awesome.  Never heard this song, and I like it because right now, I can only hear him singing it. 

The judges give him a standing ovation... which they have also given to Hee Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better), Colton Dixon and D'Crappensuck. 

When Joshua Ledet started in practice with "No I can't forget this evening or your face when you were leaving...", The Lovely Steph Leann just sighed, saying, "I love this song.  This is my favorite Mariah song."

Frizzy hair notwithstanding, I like Mariah much better in the early
1990s.  She is much more clothed and much less ho'ey.

Its not my favorite Mariah song, personally--but its near the top.  This is vintage, VINTAGE I SAY, pre-skank Mariah.  This was her in her prime, before the short shorts and plunging tops and making out with Taye Diggs lookalikes in every other video and featuring every rap guy ever in every song... "Without You" is Pre-Skank Mariah in near perfection.

Oh, I miss you, Mariah.

By the way, lest we forget Harry Nillson, a middle-aged white guy, originally did this song in the 70s and sounded good.  But not like Pre-Skank Mariah.

Joshua Ledet sounds good, but it almost sounds a little forced.  He did his vocal tricks all on the end, and I liked it... but didn't love it.

Randy the Dawg said it was flawless.  Creepy Uncle Steven loved it.  J-Lo called him an angel from Heaven and a phenom. 

Back from commercial, maybe one that went too long, it jumped right to J-Sanch standing atop a staircase, singing "Like a Prayer"... and Hollie Cav sounded better.  Certainly better than Little Skylar Laine.  When they go to "Borderline", Hollie Cav outshines both of the other two chicks.  Finally, when they do "Express Yourself", Little Skylar Laine takes the lead--and I think she sounds dreadful.  Its like, if its not country-powerhousey, she can't do it.

Seacrusty tells us that Elise Testosterone is doing... Zeppelin?  Wait... what?

This will be the most awesome thing or most awful thing I've seen all day. 

She's doing "Whole Lotta Love", and will be channeling her inner-Robert Plant.  Jimmy Iovine and Stevie Nicks both said, "She came in and murdered it... awesome."  Then Jimmy got Stevie and E-Test to sing "Dreams" together...

Me:  She's singing with Stevie Nicks.  Holy crap.
The Lovely Steph Leann:  I know!!

And this might the be the most awesome thing I've seen all day.. she sounds fan-frakkin'tastic.    By far and away, the best performance of this night.  I think I love Elise Testosterone.  And I think I would at least buy some of her music on iTunes, if not an entire CD. 

Creepy Uncle Steven said, "I wasn't sure you could pull that off, cause no one can pull that off... but Robert Plant would be proud."  J-Lo gushed.  And Randy the Dawg mentioned how hard the flava' was in that song... and how she did it. 

My trio choices:  First, Colton/Phillip2/E-Test... Hollie/Skylar/JSanch... Crappensuck/HeeJun/Joshua

Elise Testosterone's "Whole Lotta Love"... Colton Dixon's "Everything"...  Phillip2's "Still Rainin'"... Little Skylar Laine's "Gunpowder and Lead"... Joshua Ledet's "Without You"... J-Sanch's "Sweet Dreams"... Hee Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better)'s "A Song for You"... Hollie Cav's "Jesus Take the Wheel"... that crap from D'Crappensuck.

There's Only 24 Idols in a Day

So here we are, the final night of the Idol preliminary rounds.   We jumped ahead a second or two to find out that White Chocolate had made the cut...

In addition to the just added White Chocolate, we've Jen Hirsh... The Welfare Justin Timberlake... Joshua Lidet... Haley Johnson... Elise Testosterone... Reed Grimm... EVP... Chelsea Somethingorother... Bayley Brown!... Hey Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better)... Phillip2... Jessica Sanchez... Colton Dixon... and Brielle Von Hugel...

Now, let's fill those other 9 spots.  Again, here's the bullet points...

First up, here's Jeremy Rosado... he's been hanging out with Young Pimp David Leathers... Eben Beiber... and Ariel Spray (?)... and his final performance brought us a smooth version of something I have no clue what it is.  We notice his tongue is yellow.  I speculate it from the smokes.  The Lovely Steph Leann thinks it might be from a lozenge.

J-Lo brags on him and says, "There's no way we don't want you in the Top 24 this year."  Sort of a double negative, but her smile says he makes it.

Eight Spots Remain.

Shannon Magrane, 16, the object of Creepy Uncle Steven's "hot and happening" remark from way back a few weeks ago.  She sings "Love is a Many Splendored Thing" and sings it quite well as her solo song.  And Shannon Magrane makes it.

Seven Spots Remain.

Scott Dangerfield, one of those guys we've seen very little of this entire season, is up next. They show his solo performance as a hip, cool rendition of "Folsom Prison Blues", though his little clip was very brief, making me think they didn't spend much time on him for a reason.  As in, he won't matter after this episode.  As in, he won't make it past this spot.  As in, I was right.  He's gone.

Said earlier this episode by me... "I'll be Eben Beiber and Young Pimp David Leathers face off at the end with one spot left, for dramatic effect..." and The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Oh no way!  That would be horrible!"  Just now, as a clip of Eben and Pimp (sounds like the world's worst law firm) sitting together as Seacrusty says, "Our two youngest contestants face off for one spot remaining..."  Told ya.

Now, its Skylar Laine, a country chick who did "Fancy" on solo performance sing-for-your-life-day.   Of course, I hate that song, so I'm not a good judge of how she did.  Either way, SkyLaine makes it.

Six Spots Remain

Hallie Day makes it.  Chase Likens makes it.  Aaron Marcellus Wallace makes it.  Its like Idol decided to get through this quickly.

One chick spot remains.  Two guy spots remain.  

Last year, Deandre Kenny G made it all the way to the Final Judgement round.  This year, Deandre Kenny G has made it again to the Final Judgment round.  He sounds alot like the 90s R&B star D'Angelo that was in that video naked.  Just sayin'.   Anyway, this year, Deandre Kenny G takes another spot.

One chick spot, one guy spot left.

We see Jermiane Jones now, but this is anti-climactic, because we know this final spot will go to either Lil Pimp or Eben Beiber, so now its just to hear how they let him down.  We see the video of his solo performance, of which I could not pay attention to as I was staring at his hideous vest.  If Randy the Dawg says, "Dude, that vest was terrible", I'd understand it.  And we see a clip of him finally breaking down in the waiting room, barely able to handle the pressure.  Vest notwithstanding, Randy the Dawg gives him the bad news.

One chick spot, one guy spot left.

Shelby Twitter... Aerosol Spray... Hollie Cavanagh... three young chicks left, all making the walk to their final judgement, all to see which one will advance, and which two will go home.   The winner is Hollie, while Shelby and Aerosol go home with nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  Losers.

All chick spots filled.  One guy spot left.

Back to The Final Judgement.  Two guys left.  Eben Beiber... Lil' Pimp... two young dudes, one final spot.  This is it.  Frankly, I'm surprised that Hey Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better) wasn't saved for last, because Idol kept doing that to him, but here we are.

In the final solo performance, Lil Pimp did some old school Michael Jackson, while Eben Beiber went with an alto Joe Cocker... they both want this more than anything.  This means everything.  This is all they want to do.

And the results?  Lil Pimp doesn't make it... Eben Beiber does.  Hugs all around, and I think Eben Beiber has the tears, and not Lil Pimp. The Lovely Steph Leann groans and makes, for the 927th time this episode, a comment about how hard this is, and how tough this must be, and sounds like "wow" and "humph..."

Seacrusty has been telling us that there was some news to hear, something that will shake up the whole thing... apparently, the judges felt that there was a need to reinstate one of the guys to make a Top 13.  Either Johnny Keyser, Jermaine Jones, Jerkweek Cowboy or Lil Pimp will be joining the show.  We'll find out who, live on Tuesday!

...And Lee is None DeWyzer (Idol IX Finale 2)

So here's last night's recap show...

And here we are.  Seven hours of fluff to give us 12 seconds of news.  Rock on.

THIS IS THE AMERICAN

IDOL

FINALEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Sez Amarylis By Morning (up from san antone):  American Idol 10 (its Season 9-d$) is the biggest snoozer since Jordan Sparks won it. There is zero anticipation for me.

8p... Yes, this show started at 7pm tonight, and yes, its 8pm, and we just started.  The Lovely Steph Leann and I decided on dinner first, and we headed to The Purple Onion over here on 280.  The owner of our favorite location on Hwy 31 is apparently owning this one too, because he was sitting there in the cafe.  And it was awesome.  I love me some Purp'O, and I'm happy a great location has opened up less than 3 miles from The Cabana, instead of the 10+ mile trek we have to usually make.

The judges are introduced, and The Lovely Steph Leann's first question:  "What in the bejeebers is Randy Jackson wearing??"

8:04p... The finalists come down the steps, and we both notice that Lee and Crystal are all wearing Preparatory Outfits.  We are confused, until the Top 12 are introduced and I realize they are doing "School's Out" by Alice Cooper.  Glee this ain't.

About to fast forward through the group song when I notice none other than Alice Cooper himself, Christ Follower (no, seriously) and staunch Republican, come out.

Fast Forward through Commercials

8:08p... About to fast forward through Kris Allen and The Lovely Steph Leann tells me to put down the remote as he is about to sing his new single, "The Truth".  As Seacrest sends it to Kris, and Kris begins, we still hear Seacrest and some backstage chick talking.  Really, Fox?  Your the biggest show in the country for what, 7 years running?  Get this right.

8:11p... A montage of Simon Cowell clips, as this is his final Idol.  Many of these audition clips I actually remember.  A great appearance of Paula the Flake... I miss Paula. 

8:13p... Siobhan Magnus and Aaron Kelly.  Doing us the Bee Gees. 

8:13p... The Lovely Steph Leann tells me I can fast forward, but I'm intrigued by the fact that Siobhan and Aaron are singing "How Deep Is Your Love"... and then , the curtain rises, and out comes Barry Gibb, and another guy I can only assume is another Gee.   The last time Barry Gibb was on this show was really, really bad... a few seasons back, they did Bee Gees week, and Barry performed "To Love Somebody", and it was so bad, so terribly bad, that years later, I still randomly break out with a "there's a.light.  some kinda light." in mockery--and it still sounds better than that night.

8:16p... Barry Gibb sounds marginally better

8:16p... The camera pans to David Hasselhoff in the audience.  The Lovely Steph Leann pipes up, "There's The Hoff!  He's in every one of these finales!  The camera just finds him!"

Fast Forward through Commercials

8:18p... Big Mike comes out, singing a song that I cannot place... I don't know the lyrics, but I know the music... what is it... what is it....

8:19p... "Takin' It to the Streets"!  And here comes Michael McDonald!  The Lovely Steph Leann says, "I still have a hard time realizing this guy is white..."

8:20p... Michael McDonald is awesome.  "Sweet Freedom" from the '86 Billy Crystal/Gregory Hines piece of crap "Running Scared" was awesome.  "Keep Forgettin'" was awesome.  His lead on "What a Fool Believes" by the Doobie Brothers.  Awesome. 

8:22p... I have a hard time disliking Dane Cook.  I only say that because he's now onstage singing a comedic song dedicated to Simon.  Most people I know aren't Dane Cook fans, and certainly, if you've ever seen "Good Luck Chuck", you'll know why.  However, his movie "Employee of the Month", as terrible as it is, I'll watch it everytime its on, and laugh all the same.  Anyway, this Dane Cook bit tonight?  Pretty crappy.

Fast forward through commercials

8:25p... Lacey Brown singing Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful".  In the first five notes, we are reminded why she was kicked out in Week 12.  We fast forward through, til we see Xtina herself appear, leading the group in "Stronger"

8:26p... Christina Aguilera sings a new song.  We fast forward.

8:27p... Ricky Gervais appears via satellite to say goodbye to Simon the Cowell. 

Fast Forward through Commercials

8:29p... Lee DeWyze is on stage to sing Hall & Oates "I Can't Go For That (no can do)", which sounds really, really good.  It sounded great til Andrew Garcia joined him.  Casey James then leads us to "Maneater".  Now I'm wondering if Hall & Oates will make an appearance.  That would rule.

8:30p... Aaron Kelly singing this song is funny, because you know he has no concept of what this song even is, and who the artists are.  And he wouldn't even get the joke 'Ah, its Jeffrey Dahmer's theme song'. 

8:31p... HALL AND OATES!!!!!  I just told The Lovely Steph Leann that if they came anywhere near here, I'd totally go see them.  And they start singing "You Make My Dreams Come True".  About three lines in, The Lovely Steph Leann pipes up and says, "Dude.  Darryl Hall.  You are obviously too old for this."

8:32p... Law #8,878 I'm forcing through when I become president in 2028... John Oates is required to sport his 80s 'stache at all times.  At all times.  Shaving it is a punishable fine of $100,000 and/or up to ten years in maximum security prison.  Just sayin'.

8:34p... Crystal Bowersox comes out and sings "Ironic".   And then, as now expected, Alanis Morrisette herself comes out, starting out with "You Oughta Know".  How can I fast forward through this darn show when I actually want to watch the performances!?   Crystal changes a key line in the song, "Would she go down with you to the theater".  You know your old when you see that line, and immediately know what the original line is.  Hey, "Jagged Little Pill" was a college icon album for me, one of those "what CDs would you take with you to a deserted island" kind of albums.  Even The Lovely Steph Leann likes this CD, which is saying something, because a rocker chick she ain't.

8:36p... Alanis/Crystal duet.  AWESOME.  The Lovely Steph Leann is even singing along to "You Oughta Know".

Fast Forward through Commercials

8:42p... The Lovely Steph Leann and I have this quick, spirited discussion about whether "Jagged Little Pill" was a rock album or not.  I say yes, she says it was more alternative, to which I say, "Yes, alt rock."  I'm right.  Again

8:42p... Carrie Underwood comes out.  She's singing "Undo", a song I'm not a huge fan of.  I like Carrie, though, because she really shows how appreciative of Idol--she comes back all the time, and shows her gratitude frequently.  Unlike Kelly Clarkson, who seems like she wants to forget Idol is the reason she has a career.

8:44p... Typing that last paragraph, almost missed fast forwarding through the Ford Commercial.  Made it, though!

8:45p... Casey James introduced singing "Every Rose Has its Thorn", which makes me throw my hands up, saying "Bret Michaels is coming out!  Yeah!!"  How can you not like this guy, and this song?  Seriously.

8:47p... Okay, so Bret Michaels is having the best year ever.  I mean, "Rock of Love", "Rock of Love 2", "Skank of Love", "Rock of Love Bus", "Venereal Disease of Love 5" and all those shows, while it make him a punchline of sorts, made him relevant again.  And then, with the Celebrity Apprentice having such a great season this year (and it was awesome) and him doing so well, plus his medical issues--don't get me wrong, I don't wish ill on him at all, but everyone has felt for him, and learned to love him... he can do just about anything right now.

8:50p... Lee DeWyze is out now, joining the band Chicago for a medley of hits.  If I were to even think about fast forwarding, The Lovely Steph Leann would be on the phone with Brad J. Latta, Atty at Law, discussing divorce.  She loves loves loves her some Chicago.  Even the old crap. 

8:52p... Reality hits bigtime, as they start "If You Leave Me Now", and I say, "They sound unfortunate".  The Lovely Steph Leann pipes up, "Yeah, they sound a little like Hall & Oates.  Maybe Lee should sing the whole time..."

8:54p... Another Simon montage.  Then Seacrest says the magic words... "Pants On The Ground".  The Lovely Steph Leann pipes up, "Ohmigosh... they are actually doing this song on the stage?  Oh dear..."  They bring out the barely alive Bee Gees, then redeem themselves with Alanis, then a little off-key Hall & Oates, which I still love, and then they go all awesome with Michael McDonald and Bret Michaels.  And now?  The Pants guy... and William Hung.  No joke.

Fast Forward through Commercials

8:59p... Remember, we started this at 8pm, and we've got 30 minutes left to get through.  Another Simon montage... and here's Paula the Flake herself, looking absolutely gorgeous for the first time since, I dunno, 1994 and the "Rush Rush" video...

9:02... And now that she's talking, and I remember why I call her "Paula the Flake".  I'd like to think she's stumbling and bumbling because she's not reading from a prompter, but I can almost guarentee that she IS reading from a prompter... and she still sounds like this. 

9:05p... So, I guess the producers said, "Hey, Lee and Crystal can sing... but they have no personality... lucky for us we can concentrate on Simon's leaving and make the finale about that!   Hey, someone call Shady Oakes Retirement Village in Irvine and see if Barry Gibbs and John Oates and that singer from Chicago are available next week!"

9:07p... Here comes Kelly Clarkson!  And then Ruuuuuuben!  And Fantasia!  And then Carrie!  And then Taylor!  And now Jordin!  And now Kris!   Where's David Cook?? 

9:08p... They are doing a song that's something about "look what we've become..." or something.  I'm happy to see Kelly Clarkson here, though she looks like "I really don't want to do this..."  Anyway, the Idol winners are dressed in black, and out walks, in white, a ton of former Idol standouts, like Blake Lewis, David Archuleta, Ace Young, Mikaylah Gordon (okay, I said standout, but I guess anyone can come), Jason Castro, and.... PICKLES!!!  I love Pickles.

9:11p.... "Hey, fellow producer, let's remind America that this show CAN be great!  Let's get a whole bunch of former Idols up there to remind America what we've done!" 

9:12p... Simon gets up, says a few words, and gets misty eyed

Fast forward through commercials

9:13p... The Top 12 start out with "Again" by Janet Jackson, a lovely little ditty that I have on cassette singles.  And of course, here comes Janet... I do love this song.  My favorite Janet songs, starting with 5, is "Escapade"... 4) "Again"... 3) "The Best Things in Life Are Free", a duet with the late, great Luther Vandross from The Dave100 movie "Mo' Money"... 2) "Miss You Much"... and my favorite Janet song is "Love Will Never Do (without you)".  I love that tune.

9:15p... As Janet Jackson sings solo, we have this exchange:
Me: Ya know, she sounds a lot like Michael did towards his end there
The Lovely Steph Leann:  That's exactly what I was thinking!!!  I almost wonder if maybe she was doing his singing...

9:17p... I fast forward for just about 4 seconds before I stop it, realizing she's going to another song... and when I realize its "Nasty", I just set the remote down.  That's right.  Don't call me baby.  Its Janet, Jackson, if you're nasty.

9:20p... Seacrest:  Tonight... its about Lee and Crystal
Me:  No, no its not.  Its about Simon
The Lovely Steph Leann:  Lee who?  Who's Crystal?

9:22p... Lee and Crystal come out together to sing "A Little Help from My Friends", as made famous by The Beatles, but popularized by Joe Cocker on my #2 favorite tv show of all time, "The Wonder Years", recently supplanted from the top spot by "LOST".  And on cue, Joe Cocker comes out to sing a little.  And I think he just missed a line.  But man, he can still wail, even at the ripe old age of 104.

9:25p... After a brief debate on The Beatles version vs Joe Cocker's version, I go to the source.  Wikipedia.  Lennon and McCartney did it in 1967, but Cocker did a radically different version in '68, one that he performed at Woodstock, and it went on to be the version used by "The Wonder Years". 

Fast forward through commercials

Its 9:25p.  There is about 6 minutes left recorded on the show.  We are now concerned that we will miss the winner, unless Seacrest gets to it.

Its 9:27p... Dim the lights!  After the nationwide vote... the winner and new American Idol is...

...is...

...is...

...Lee DeWyze.

Okay, so there's that.

Lee is emotional, and its kinda sweet to see him almost speechless.  They pan to the judges and Simon looks bored, like he knows the wrong person won (and really... after last night, Crystal should have won this)  The Lovely Steph Leann says, "He should be bored and ready to leave.  Lee shouldn't have won... that should have been Crystal."

The Lovely Steph Leann is not upset at Lee's win because she doesn't think he's good enough, she's upset at Lee's win because "We needed a female to win.  Suck it." 

And what a fitting phrase to end a disappointing season of Idol.  Suck it.  Well said, The Lovely Steph Leann, well said.

Idol Four (with results)

Casey James... Big Mike Lynche... Crystal Bowersox... Lee DeWyze... who will join the next Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, David Cook, Kris Allen, Taylor Hicks, Fantasia, Jordin Sparks, or Ruuuuuben Studdard as the next American Idol? 

THIS IS

AMERICAN

IDOL

Its worth noting that at no time have I attached "My Next American Idol" to any of these guys, an honor bestowed upon dignitaries as My Girl McPhee, Alison Iraheta and Brooke White... and no one has the honor of being the second "The Lovely Steph Leann's Next American Idol", much like The Lovely Steph Leann's Next American Idol Kris Allen. 

Why?

No one deserves it.  Let's face it, neither one of us are buying any of the albums put out by any of the Idols this year.  And you probably aren't either.

Tonight, the mentor is Jamie Foxx, star of such hits as "Ray", "Miami Vice", "Stealth" and "Booty Call".  The Lovely Steph Leann comments on "The Man Hug" demonstrated by Jamie Foxx and the guys in the group. 

Favorite Jamie Foxx movie?  "Collateral".  Also starring Tom Cruise, Jada Pinkett Smith and Mark Ruffalo, it features Foxx as Max, a cab driver who picks up Vincent (Cruise), a hitman who forces Max to drive him around to do his dirty work.  Fantastic film, directed by Michael Mann, its dark, its smart and its great to see Cruise in a bad guy role.  Rated R for language and violence.   I'm trying to decide if this is an addition to The Dave100 as I rethink those last few movies for presentation this summer...

Jamie is giving each contestant a shirt--it is black and either says "CONTESTANT" or "ARTIST".  You want the latter, not the former.  Jamie gives Lee the "ARTIST" shirt, but that was in the rehearsal video.  Tonight?  He's hit a few pretty rough notes. 

Lee DeWyze is singing "Kiss From a Rose."  By the way, love this song, the original that is.  Seal was the man back in the 90s... "Kiss from a Rose", "Crazy" (not the Gnarls Barkley one, but the one that goes "Yeah I'm never gonna survive... unless... we get a little crazy..." which was like a college anthem for me my freshman year), "Prayer for the Dying"... rock on.  Not sure what most of them means, but awesome stuff.

Randy the Dawg suggested he should have done "Blaze of Glory" from Bon Jovi, because he didn't like the song this time.  Ellen DeG gives him a compliment anyway.  Kara the New Hotness says that everyone loves Lee, but the song is just too difficult tonight.   Simon the Cowell says that there are so many brilliant songs to choose from, but this version was verging on karaoke. 

Not good, Lee, not good tonight.

Seacrest says something ominous before sending it to commercial.  "Coming up, Michael Lynche sings Michael Jackson!"  And so I rack my brain to come up with MJ songs in the movies... I came up with two... "Ease on Down the Road" from "The Wiz" and "You Are Not Alone" from "Free Willy".  And both are bad ideas.  Bad, bad ideas.

Tonight he's singing "Will You Be There?"... what is that from?  Big Mike forgets the words in the run-through, and Jamie gives him a "CONTESTANT" shirt.   I stand corrected... I Wiki'ed it, and this is the song from "Free Willy".  Not as bad of an idea, then.  Not a bad song... and not bad tonight for Big Mike.

Randy the Jackson says it was just "aight" for him.  America's Favorite Lesbian Ellen DeGeneres says it was from the great, classic film, "Free Willy".  Then she says the song was predictable.  Kara the New Hotness didn't care for it, and Simon the Cowell is having a hard time connecting "A whale called Willy and that song".  Insert obligatory "willy" joke here, which they do.

Tonight begins the duet portion of the season.  C'Bosox and Lee DeWyze are doing "Falling Slowly" from the movie "Once", which is the song that defeated the nominated songs from "Enchanted" in the 2008 Academy Awards.  Personally, I think its because "How Do You Know" and "Happy Working Song" split the vote.  That awards show featured both Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, and Kristin Chenoweth (ahh)... good times.

This song tonight?  Pretty good.  Both on guitar, singing to each other, and it was very well done.  Randy the Dawg loved it.  Ellen DeG called them "the new Captain & Tennille".  Kara the New Hotness said it was one of the best moments of the season.  Simon the Cowell says it was fantastic. 

Seacrest teases us and says ,"Up next, Casey James with a song from 'The Graduate'!"   I am predicting "Mrs. Robinson", The Lovely Steph Leann is going with "Sounds of Silence".  And like usual, I'm right.  Jamie Foxx pulls an Usher and says, "Sing to me.  Seduce me."  Then hands him an "ARTIST" shirt.

Sitting on stage, CJ busts out a mandolin, tones it down a little and plucks out "Mrs. Robinson".  I do like this song... its not one of my favorites.

By the way, the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced.--"The Graduate"?  Overrated.  Pretty good film, but shouldn't be ranked in the Top Ten Best Film Ever In The History Of The Entire Earth and Hollywood Combined! lists that come out from time to time.  Also terribly overrated?  "Shrek" and its sequels, "Meet the Parents" and its sequels and "Gone with the Wind".  Just keepin' it real, yo. 

Randy the Dawg asks him what made CJ choose the song, and immediately points to Kara the New Hotness, which embarrasses CJ and Kara the New Hotness at the same time.  Says it was pretty good.  Ellen DeG liked this week, and how different it was.  Kara the New Hotness says this performance is him fighting to stay in the competition.  It was a good choice.  Simon the Cowell didn't think the song had much substance and a little lazy for CJ.

The Lovely Steph Leann points out that we've already heard "Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" and "I Believe I Can Fly" this year, so those are out. 

Crystal Bowersox is doing the "Caddyshack" classic, "I'm Alright".  What?  Seriously?  This could either be fantastic or horrible, much like the new A-Team movie.  Jamie Foxx is talking about the song, and it might be the first time the words "Kenny" and "Loggins" have ever passed through the lips of Jamie Foxx. 

And as 80s sounding as the original song, C'Bosox does it almost rock to rockabilly... and it sounds great.  I would think to fully appreciate this song, you'd have to be very familiar with the original... and if Simon Cowell was struggling with what "Free Willy" and "The Graduate" was, this song might be beyond his comprehension.

Randy the Dawg says it wasn't his favorite performance, but liked how she changed it up.  Ellen DeG says the song is better now.  Kara the New Hotness says Ellen DeG is right.  Simon the Cowell says she's back in the game. 

One more duet, and its "To Really Love a Woman" as done by Casey James and Big Mike.  Though it starts out pretty good, CJ is a little breathy.  And then Big Mike kicks in... and to me, brings the song to another level.  On this classic Bryan Adams song, Casey James sounds good.  Big Mike sounds great.  I'm digging this song performance.

Randy the Dawg says they sounded really good.  Ellen DeG says, "As a matter of fact, yes I have loved a woman".  America's Favorite Lesbian, everyone!  Kara the New Hotness says the duets tonight were incredible.  Simon the Cowell agreed. 

Seacrest says that tomorrow night, Daughtry and Fantasia come home to Idol, and then says that Bon Jovi is performing, to which The Lovely Steph Leann throws both hands up and screams "BON JOVI!!!".  Looks like there is at least one song we won't be fast forwarding through.

For me tonight... Crystal & Lee's duet... Big Mike & CJ's duet... Crystal Bowersox's "I'm Alright"... Big Mike's "Will You Be There"... Casey James' "Mrs. Robinson"... Lee DeWyze's "Kiss from a Rose".

Aaaaaaaaaand.....

We're back for some results

Our top four, singing songs from the movies. This is what they were born to do.  This is so important to them.  This is what they have been dreaming about their whole lives, and it means everything to them, to heal the world with their music. 

THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL RESULTS!!!!

Seacrest is out onstage, telling us that 37,000,000 votes came in last night.  And tonight, Bon Jovi is onstage, plus Fantasia is here, and Daughtry is here to sing too!  Erin the Marine Wife is squealing in her corn flakes right now.

So let's get it started, right?  And how do we do that?

The Lovely Steph Leann is deliberating on whether I can fast forward through Fantasia

She gives the okay

Fast forward through commercials

Fast forward through Ford commercial

And here we are, seeing Big Mike, C'Bosox, Lee and CJ sitting upon the Silver Stools of Safety.  We get a quick recap of how big of a deal it is to have the Idols go home, as we see The Widower Danny Gokey, Bo Bice, Taylor Hicks, Carrie Underwood, Kris Allen and more in their seasons as they are in their hometowns.

The camera cuts to the families of the Idol Four, sitting on the Big Blue Couch onstage, as Seacrest is continuing to kill as much time as he can.   Dim the lights!  Big Mike and CJ are announced first.  Then C'Bosox and Lee.  After the nationwide vote, Casey James is.... safe and in the Top Three!  He heads to the Big Blue Couch and joins his family.

Fast forward through commercials

Now, for my prediction to come true, with Crystal Bowersox beting eliminated two weeks from the finals, putting Casey James and Lee DeWyze eventually into the finals, C'Bosox would have to go home tonight.

Daughtry comes onstage... if you just cocked your head a little and flinched from an ear piercing scream, that was Erin the Marine Wife seeing this.  That girl loves loves loves her some Chris Daughtry.  Then again, who doesn't?

Not fast forwarding through Daughtry, as commanded by The Lovely Steph Leann

Halfway through, she gives the okay

Fast forwarding through Daughtry

Fast forwarding through commercials

Back to results... dim the lights!  Big Mike stands up.  Lee DeWyze stands up.  And then to Crystal Bowersox.  After the nationwide vote... Lee DeWyze is in the Idol Three with Casey James.  He goes to the Big Blue Couch with DeFamily.

Fast forward through commercials

And we're back... and who's rocking the stage?  How about Bon Jovi.  I don't even try to fast forward through this one... Jon Bon Jovi is a card carrying member in good standing in The Colin Firth Club and probably one of the longest tenured members to boot.

Seacrest (on screen):  So you guys have been around 25 years!
Jon Bon Jovi (on screen): We've crossed generations at this point
The Lovely Steph Leann (on couch, in a whisper):  That's right. That's right.

Fast forward through commercials

Now, let's get to results.  Dim the lights.  The person in the Idol Three is... Crystal Bowersox.  Big Mike goes home tonight.  The Lovely Steph Leann is "awwww...."ing at the camera focused on Big Mike's babymama in tears.

So next Tuesday, its Lee vs Casey vs Crystal... the Idol Three.

Revisionist History on the King of Pop

It's no secret I dug Michael Jackson. For all his eccentricities, the guy was talented. His music was awesome, his beats were awesome, his dancing was not only incredible to watch but impossible to duplicate, and he was one of my favorite artists of all time... at least, from the era of about 1969 to about 1992.

American Idol did a Michael Jackson themed night, and here's what I wrote on March 11th, 2009, in a column entitled "When Michael Jackson Was Awesome"...

We get the Michael Jackson montage, the King of Pop. Whats sad is that kids today just don't get it. They don't understand how big he really is... or was. "Thriller" was for almost 20 years the best selling albums of all time, and still in the Top Four. He invented the modern moonwalk. He invented the dance moves that are now employed by Fergie, Justin Timberlake, most R&B artists and more.

He was The Junk back in the 80s and 90s. When NBC did a Motown 25th anniversary special in 1983, MJ reunited with his brothers for the first time in 8 years, first performing with them, them on his own... he did "Billie Jean" and did the moonwalk for the very first time... and its like, everything was different. He broke out as the superstar phenom. Mocked now as a silly foot move, he did moves no one had ever seen, no one could do. He was like poetry on stage, the limber way he danced, moved, went all over the stage... MJ was unstoppable.

My personal favorite MJ song is "Say Say Say", but I do have a love for "Remember the Time", and "Wanna Be Startin' Something" and "The Way You Make Me Feel" and even his ballad, "I Just Can't Stop Lovin' You" was awesome, because back then, it wasn't creepy.

Now? Its creepy.

He practically invented the long-form music video too... a new Michael Jackson video was not just a premiere, it was an event. Back when MTV played, you know, music, and actual videos, you would wait up to see the new Michael Jackson video... when he introduced "Thriller", holy crap, it was amaaaaay-zing. Later on, videos for songs like "Remember the Time" and "Bad" and "Black or White" became these epic stories... though "Black and White" was kinda in the beginning of MJ's creepiness era.

Now, all anyone remembers of MJ is the little boys at Neverland Ranch, and the fact that he went from dark to medium black to pasty white in ten years, and that he's bankrupt and he has this high pitched voice and that he might just be a pedophile and he has two kids by surrogate moms and remember that uncomfortable kiss with Lisa Marie Presley at the MTV Music Awards some odd years back? Wow.

Okay, now that I've praised him, and you understand that I have always been a fan, let's get to the reality of what bothers me about this whole thing... well, I mean, other than the fact that, you know, he's dead and all.

If you said "Michael Jackson" around most people in, say, their upper 20s, early 30s and beyond, you'd probably get a few responses... "Thriller"... "Jackson 5"... "Neverland"... "Pedophile"... "Little Boys"... "Pasty White".

If you said "Michael Jackson" around those younger, maybe up to their mid-20s, you'd hear just a few things... "Thriller"... "Little Boys"... "White Guy". This is who Michael Jackson had become... a punchline. From the mid to late 80s, to the early 90s, he was a punchline of sorts, doing weird stuff like his skin treatments, his plastic surgery, trying to buy the bones of the Elephant Man (!), building his Neverland Ranch and so on... but at least he has his music to fall back on. People would say, "Yeah, he's odd, but have you heard the latest single? 'Dirty Diana' is awesome!" or "I heard what he's up to, and he's kinda weird... but man, 'Smooth Criminal' is off the chain!" (not sure "off the chain" was a common phase in 1992, but anytime I can use "off the chain", I think I'll take that chance).

Then came "Black or White", off of the "Dangerous" album. The CD itself is great, featuring two of my favorite Michael Jackson tunes, "Remember the Time" and "Jam", but "Black or White" is the song that did two things... first, it featured Macauley Culkin in the video, and set up this weird friendship between them... when Culkin started visiting--and spending the night--at Neverland Ranch, it was the first time that people started paying attention to this entire situation. Little boys, being given full permission by their parents, mind you, hanging out and spending the night with Michael Jackson.

It wasn't as if a group of them was goofing off and sleeping in a rec room--they were IN HIS ROOM. By his own admission, the kids were sleeping in the same room with Michael Jackson, some of them in his bed. Culkin has gone on record in 2005 in saying that nothing ever happened between he and MJ, and its true that nothing may have gone on with him, or for that matter ANY of the kids... but some things just aren't right. Some things just aren't acceptable.

Secondly, at the end of the "Black or White" video, MJ did this weird... well, it was a... he... uh... okay, he jumped on this car, grabbed his package about 65 times and smashed the car with a crowbar, yells "HOOOOO!!!!" alot, all before turning into a panther. No, I'm not making this up. In my mind, it was then and there that MJ had gone from eccentric but gifted artist to just flaky. David Bowie, Freddie Mercury, they were eccentric but gifted, towing that fine line and never became flaky and nuts. MJ spilled over that line and kept dancing toward pop culture absurdity.


Keep in mind, the video for "Black and White", a remarkable-for-its-time video that premiered in November of 1991 on MTV, BET, Vh1 and Fox simultaneously, is over. The video is done. Now, we just see MJ being... well, what would become MJ. This is a censored version of what the final four minutes were--there is a version on YouTube that shows racist graffiti in the background and MJ smashing up the car, but all the codes were unavailable to post. But in this clip, you get the idea.

(Sidebar... how about after I posted this, then came back to make a small, quick correction I noticed that the still shot of the video, before you press play, is a shot of The King of Pop with his hand on his crotch. I feel like I'm back at Neverland Ranch again)

Suddenly, the hits stopped coming. Unless you are a diehard fan (which I am not, at least of his later work) you could probably name the albums up to "Bad", and some can get "Dangerous", but many would be hard pressed to come up with "Invincible", or even "HIStory: Book I", the first of several greatest hits packages. But the oddities kept on truckin'...

He married Lisa Marie Presley, in an act that most people saw right through. Maybe there was love there, maybe not. He married one of staff chicks, and had a couple of kids, probably through artificial means. He dangled one of them over a fourth story balcony. He had more skin treatments done.

And then there was the child molestation trial. He was acquitted in the court, settling with the kid for something reported to be like $20, maybe $25 million dollars. But in the "court of public opinion", he was tried, convicted and hung. No, the verdict in the real court wasn't "guilty", but the verdict in the OJ trial was also "not guilty", and you see where that went.

And MJ's death didn't surprise me in the least. Not at all. Matter of fact, I've said before that I never saw him getting old, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was some sort of suicide. What did surprise me a little, though, was the acceptance of MJ's legacy in such a positive light.

Yes, yes, it was expected that people would praise his music (see first five or six paragraphs above) and his talents, but I've heard very little about the last 17 years. It seems that those times never happened... there is all sorts of revisionist history going on in the mainstream media, discussing how great he was, but not how strange he was. Don't forget, folks... whether it was all innocent fun or darkly perverse, this is a guy who had 7 and 8, through 11 and 12 year old males sleeping in his room, that when girls of the same age would sleep over, they would sleep in other rooms.

Stanley "Tookie" Williams was a co-founder of the Crips street gang, and was convicted in 1979 for four murders, being executed in 2005 for one of them. Later in his life, he renounced gang life, wrote children's books, and spoke out in anti-gang activism. All good things he did as he got older. Whether the good outweighs the bad I'm not going to discuss, that's another topic, but I myself have to be careful not to smirk scornfully about someone like Tookie, and think he could never make up for his crimes and wrong deeds, while at the same time, gloss over the wrong deeds that Michael Jackson did by looking at how good his "good" was. Make sense? Its late.

Don't get me wrong, in recent days I have seen and heard a few people in the media begin to raise the question of his true legacy, but not like I thought I would. Maybe its a good thing. Maybe its good to remember him in his greatness.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on Michael Jackson. Personally, I don't know that anything really happened in Neverland. I think the kid was really just wanting money, and I don't say that lightly, as crimes against children are reprehensible. I think Michael Jackson grew up without a chance to "grow up", and spent much of the late 80s and early 90s listening to the wrong people, the wrong people who delighted in helping him spend his bajillions, being naive about the way the world works, and wondering why everyone though he was so weird. And I don't think his comeback would have lasted too long.

But... his music lasts forever. And its awesome.

By the way, the secret to "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'"s famous "ma ma se mama sa ma ma coo sa" line is revealed... its actually a term used by a guy named Manu Dibango, an artist in Cameroon who recorded a song in 1972 called "Soul Makossa", a funk driven hit. "Makossa" is a Cameroon native dance, and in the song, Dibango stretches out the word to "Ma-mako, ma-ma-ssa, mako mako-ssa", which ended up being sampled by Michael Jackson. The interesting story is right here...