Chris Isaak, Stacy Mintz and Popeye's Chicken & Biscuits.. with Idol Results!

As always, if you are reading this on Facebook, you'll have to go to the actual Clouds website to see the videos. Besides, its better reading over there anyway. Go ahead. Click here and take the plunge. Do it. Do it.

First... I just crossed 21,000 hits on Clouds in My Coffee. That's not one person clicking 'refresh' 21,000 times, that is someone actually going to my website and pulling it up 21,000 different times. SO THANK YOU, Coffee Drinker and Constant Reader. It makes me happy when I see the comments, whether I agree or not, and to hear the feedback to something I've written... keep coming back, and let's move to 50,000!

I'm trying to figure out what to do for my 500th post... a recap? A best of type blog with links to my favorite posts? Just make it something random? Any thoughts?

Secondly... at Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship) I stood amongst a small group of Godly Mamas.... Stacy M (married to James, arguably the 13th disciple), Robyn Meredith (its hard to trust a woman with two first names...), Cindy Jo and a few select others, and in that conversation not only did we discuss "Rock of Love" and "Rock of Love Bus", but The Ambiguously Gay Adam, Cougars, the bandwagon for The Widower Danny Gokey driven by Emmy Turnbow, with fellow passengers like Stacy and Cindy Jo (though Cindy Jo has been caught with a wandering eye over at The Lovely Steph Leann's Next American Idol Kris Allen)... and also in that conversation, we discussed "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak. One of the sultriest, coolest, hottest songs ever. With the video to match.

Fun times in that Marky Mark (spouse of Cindy Jo) and myself actually got to sing the first verse of the song to spur memories... finally, Stacy and Robyn both go, "Oh yeah! I know that!" So here's the song in its true form...


I would feel utter conviction if I thought Stacy M would look at the actual video itself and it was my fault. That video is downright Cinemaxy, though with today's tv standards, most youngsters would probably be ho-hum about it. So here's Chris Isaak, doing a performance of the song on Letterman's show in 1991.

Third... I stopped by Popeye's Chicken & Biscuits tonight for dinner. I only mention this because I'm really disturbed by the fact that Popeye's, of all places, has followed the "let's have a fancier name so people will think more highly of us" trend that is sweeping our country. They are now called Popeye's Louisiana Grill. No, you are not a Louisiana Grill. Perhaps you do serve salads now. Maybe you do serve shrimp now. But I've never heard a single person say to me, "Ya know, I'm really excited about having Popeye's Shrimp tonight", or even "Ya know, I do love me a salad from Popeye's." Never.

Why? Because no one wants your salad, Popeye's. I want salad, I'll go to Jason's Deli. No one wants your shrimp. I want bad processed shrimp, I'll take in Captain D's, or Long John Silvers. There are two things that people, myself included, want from you, Popeye's. The first is chicken. The second is biscuits. That greasy chicken dripping off of that spork, combined with the soft, buttery fattening taste of that lukewarm biscuit... number one, baby, number one. Popeye's, YOU ARE CHICKEN & BISCUITS. That's all you'll ever be. So be proud of it.

So, Idol results are on tonight, aren't they? My friend MZ texted me a few minutes ago, saying "Oh my gosh! [The Ambiguously Gay] Adam Lambert is in the bottom two?!?!" I had to immediately reply to ask her not to tell me anything else. The Lovely Steph Leann is out in the garage, with our friend KT, sanding and staining shelves and a desk that will go in The Lovely Steph Leann's crop room. Why am I not helping? Neither one asked me to. Why didn't I offer? I can't do woodwork. And I'd rather watch Idol. If The Lovely Steph Leann popped her head in the backdoor and said, "Hey, can you help?" I'd be up in a heartbeat, and would go and assist. But she hasn't, so I won't. So there.

Anyway...

THIS IS AMERICAN

IDOL

Skipped past the Ford commercial, and as I typed the "THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL", I almost watched the group song! Don't worry, I hit the >> button quick enough, I only heard two beats of a guitar before it started forwarding. Whew, that was close, though.

Luckily, not only will we (not) see Taylor Hicks and Natalie Cole, but also Jamie Foxx, which means this will be a short show. Lots of forwarded tonight.

We do see a video montage of the Idols making cakes as My Next American Idol Allison Iraheta turned 9 this week, while The Widower Danny Gokey turned 48. Happy B'day you two! Tonight at KidStuf practice, there was this exchange:

Me: How much would you love it if The Goke's wife were actually alive?
"Hurricane" Rhett: Fantastic. Absolutely fantastic.

Seacrest hands The Goke a "present", which turns out to be "a bill" from a maid service, used to clean up the mess made during the video montage of them baking a cake. Is it bad that I almost wanted it to be an eHarmony ad for a hot chick.

(Five minutes just passed between my bad eHarmony joke and typing this sentence, as The Lovely Steph Leann stuck her head in the backdoor and said, "Can you help me?" So I did. Cause I'm a good husband!)

(And because I am such a good husband, Seacrest just dimmed the lights, and the DVR is paused with the Idols walking across the stage... why frozen? KT has just left as they are done with the sanding/staining... The Lovely Steph Leann is fixing her a quick dinner, and I'm waiting for her to un-pause the DVR. MZ already texted me "Haven't you watched this yet??")

Here we go, America....

Matty G is first. After the nationwide vote... Matty G stands on the right side of the stage. The Widower Danny Gokey is next. He's wearing glasses that very few people could successfully wear. He heads to the left side of the stage. My Next American Idol Allison Iraheta is next. She steps up next to The Goke.

When The Lovely Steph Leann's Next American Idol Kris Allen's name is mentioned, he gets hoots from the crowd. He is directed to stand next to Matty G. And finally, The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert. Paula the Flake compared him to Michael Phelps in the Olympics. With the bong, maybe?

Seacrest does the whole "The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert, which group do you think you belong to?" The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert actually goes to The Widower Danny Gokey and My Next American Idol Allison Iraheta... then Seacrest grabs The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert and drags him over to The Lovely Steph Leann's Next American Idol Kris Allen and Matty G, and says, "This is your bottom three!"

Both My Next American Idol Allison Iraheta's jaw and The Widower Danny Gokey's jaw drops in blank amazement. Kara the New Hotness says, "When The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert is involved, my mouth just drops open." There are many jokes here, not many are for this blog.

There are five people here. Not 12. Not 10. Not eight. Five. Which means The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert might be 3rd in voting, not last. But... its enough to scare The Ambiguously Gay Adam Fans into voting for him, ensuring a showdown between he and The Widower Danny Gokey. Just sayin'.

Seacrest introduces Natalie Cole. I ask The Lovely Steph Leann if we can fast forward, she asks me to wait to hear what Natalie Cole is singing. She's singing, "Something's Gotta Give". Is this the theme song from that movie? Granted, Natalie Cole's voice is great. Her earrings, though, make her look like a dreamcatcher.

We go back to My Next American Idol Allison Iraheta and The Widower Danny Gokey sitting on the Couch of Safety. The Lovely Steph Leann's Next American Idol Kris Allen, Matty G and The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert all stand backstage, awaiting the news. Next up, fast forwarding through Taylor Hicks! The Lovely Steph Leann and I both agree that he still sounds pretty good, though I'll admit, he was not my next American Idol, that belonged to My Previous Next American Idol Katharine McPhee. I've had McPheever for years.


She's no Pickles... but she's still awesome!

The three remaining Idols come out, and Seacrest sends someone back to safety... The Lovely Steph Leann's Next American Idol Kris Allen gets the reprieve, and The Lovely Steph Leann shrieks!

Now, its important for me to mention this... when I stood in my circle of Godly Mamas (and Mark Warner, husband of Cindy Jo) I made this prediction...

"The Widower Danny Gokey OR The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert will be kicked off. One will make the finals, one will get booted in a shocking episode, a la Daughtry". Just making sure I mentioned this, before we see what might be a huge Bottom Two results...

I still think Matty G goes home. And over The Lovely Steph Leann's protests, as she's raising the roof and getting funk-nunky with her bad self (hellz yeah!), I forward through Jamie Foxx. (she says, "I have no idea what he's saying"). After his performance, Seacrest says, "No question this is the number one song in America!" and I can respond with, "Yeah, I'm sure I have lots of questions as to why this is the number one song in America."

And now, finally, the dramatic final moments of the results show. Seacrest stretches it out a little farther, talking to Simon the Cowell, Paula the Flake, Randy the Dawg and Kara the New Hotness.

Dim the lights! Here we go! Matty G goes home, The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert sashays back to The Couch of Safety. A little surprising at the make up of the bottom two, but no surprise as to who goes home.

Next week, we lose My Next American Idol Allison Iraheta, then The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert, and we see The Widower Danny Gokey beat out The Lovely Steph Leann's Next American Idol Kris Allen for the Idol Title, and go on to make a subpar record that no one I know will buy.