Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Idol 2010 Begins!

They all start somewhere.  You started here... well, you started somewhere, and ended up here.  Or, you stopped by here on your way to somewhere else... either way, here you are. 

Paula the Blitherer is gone.  Simon the Crank is leaving after this year.  New judge, America's Favorite Lesbian Ellen DeGeneres, starts in a few weeks.  And, here's the beginning of yet another four dozen posts, descriptions, awesome singing, Kara the Hotness, Randy the Dawg, the infamous blanket that The Lovely Steph Leann pulls over her face... are you ready?  I said... arrrreeee yooooouuuu rrreeeeaaaddddyyy!??!!?!?!?!


Here we are in Boston, MA, with the familiar music playing, the montage of former winners that now include The Lovely Steph Leann's Next American Idol Kris Allen.  Its a rainy day with the crowd of 9,000, and they are all screaming and yelling on cue, with Augustina's "Boston" playing in the background. 

Kara the Hotness, Simon the Crank and Randy the Dawg appear, and our first guest judge, Victoria Beckham, aka Posh Spice.  That would be Posh Spice of the Spice Girls.  Has any other group ever done so much with so little?  They had... well, I can name three songs, "Wannabe", "2 Become 1" and my favorite of the three, "Say You'll Be There".  But think about it... Posh, Baby, Scary, Sporty and Ginger Spice made a movie, a clothing line, countless bajillions of dollars on tour, possibly singing just those three songs... has anyone else made such a bigger splash with so little substance?  (anyone who said Obama gets a cookie.  Oh!)  And you wouldn't believe how hard it was to find a "family friendly" pic of Posh that didn't show off her... well, her God given form. 

Here comes someone who thinks she can sing because she has excelled at the Wii version of American Idol.  And sometimes girls--guys too, but its worse when girls do it--wear their jeans a little too tight, then their shirts that come up a little farther then they should... giving us... a muffin top.  Eww.

Janet McNamera busts out some "Pocket Full of Sunshine", which with those jeans doesn't look like she should be putting anything in those pockets.  That was absolutely terrible.  According to Janet, the Wii game loves her.  Then Janet points to Kara the Hotness and says, "Paula always loved me!".  Posh says, "Absolutely not."  Go Posh, no apologies!   Janet leaves, swears, swears some more, bounces over the top of her jeans and swears again.

10am in Massachusetts, the storm clouds have passed, and 16 year old Maddy, 9th of 12 kids (!), is featured in a little segment highlighting her brother with Downs.   Then the family adopts another child with Downs.  And another.  And another.  This is one of those, "I hope this kid makes it through because I will feel really bad if she doesn't make it!"  She attempts "Hallelujah".  And she's getting it done.  Randy the Dawg liked it, Kara the Hotness liked it, Posh the Spice liked it, Simon the Cowell liked it.  Looks like we got a Hollywooder!  Yay!  I liked her!   Simon says, "Amazing, you are 16 but not annoying..."  Right now, Cindy Jo, fresh off the Kris Allen/The Widower Danny Gokey Bandwagon, is crying. 

Posh Spice looks like she needs to eat a couple of sandwiches.

They do a scan of the Holding Room, where everyone sits to get in, and let's meet Pat Ford, this annoying kid who likes saying "Holla!" over and over.  He busts out some... broadway?  He's dancing like he's got "Squirrels In My Pants", and sounds like a complete idiot.  Of course, he thinks he did awesome, of course he's been singing and dancing his whole life and of course, he calls out Simon.  Randy the Dawg says, "Stop singing forever."  I second that emotion.

We see a montage of those who made it through, including Claire singing some Mr. Big, Jennifer singing some Wicked and Jess singing "A train is coming..."  ANYONE who sings Mr. Big is great in my book.  "I'm the one who wants to be with you... deep inside I hope you feel it too..."  Come on, sing it with me!

A segment on an Italian guy who's name I didn't catch... something DiRocco?  They play the Italian dance music, show lots of pasta and lots of Italian people around the table.  Amadeo DiRicco.  He's taking on Muddy Water's "Hoochie Coochie Man", which is a lot of yelling and such.  It was pretty intense, and truthfully, if he makes it Hollywood and tries out some Owl City, he's going to fail miserably.  Simon calls it his favorite audition of the day.  So, he makes it.  As he runs out, Seacrest is engulfed in the mob (pun totally intended) of New England Italianos. 

I love the fact they just started "Return to Innocense" by Enigma to show this next guy, who has obviously never met a ProActive tube of cream.  He says he's an earthly, spiritual person, and they show him sniffing flowers and blowing petals.  "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Words", by Derek Hilton.  Somewhere, Elton John just smacked his boyfriend across the face in anger.  I wish The Lovely Steph Leann were here, she would have that blanket over her face and it would be precious.  I declare this the first Blanket Over Face of the new Idol season!

And the montage of those who failed.  Lots of tears, lots of pain, lots of disappointment, while the real "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Words" plays in the background. 

Actually, describing this chick seems to be the hardest words.  Some chick who does anime, likes designing kimonos, does some sort of chi kickboxing (chiboxing?) and looks like a total flake.  Mere Doyle starts screaming, "Piece of My Heart", while Simon and Randy cringe, and Kara and Posh stare at each other.   Then she busts out the standard, "My voice coaches all tell me I'm great, singing is my life and its who I am!"  We get tears... and how she's spent 14 years training for this. 

Ah, Luke Sheffer and Benjamin Bright doing it old school... smooth voices, a little snap here and there... good stuff. 

Its almost the end of day one, and we get local musician Andrew Fenlon, who is complaining about how long he's had to wait, and how much he's been interviewed (not saying they did this, but if I'm the Idol producers, I'm making this kid wait as long as possible?  Why?  Good, good tv.  This guy is an idiot.)

Andrew Fenlon, smarts off to Simon (bad move), smarts off again to Simon (bad move again), then says he's going to sing "House of the Rising Sun", then asks Simon, "Do you know that song?"  And if he's a local musician in Boston, I'm going to remember to skip his show.  Randy sips on his Coke glass, with a grimace.  Kara asks him if he's angry, and he says he's just tired of waiting.   Kara the Hotness goes off on Andrew, who gets all defensive, rude and sulky.  "You've got bad energy," Simon says, and he says, "Aw man."  Then Posh says, "You don't have the goods to back it up."  I like her... she ain't playing.

Needless to say, he didn't make it.  "Simon and Randy liked me, but the girls got mad.  I don't know what I did."

Holy crud... its almost 1am!  I have to be at Starbucks at 5:30, so I'll be back in a few hours...

...okay, just got home.  8am, I'm sleepy, but let's finish some Idol before taking our nap!  (setting up, getting DVR ready, watching a "coming up" teaser about a guy with cancer and a dead grandmother...)

Just saw an ad for "The Lovely Bones" movie adaptation.  I'm in the middle of the book, or audiobook anyway, and I'm diggin' it, but haven't had time to finish it... same goes for the two other books I'm trying to finish... one I'm less than 120 pages from finishing, and the other I'm a good 300 pages from finishing.  I'll get there, I guess.  Perhaps with The Happiest Place in the Mall becoming The Emptiest Place in the Mall, I'll have more time. 

Back to Idol.

We see a quick shot of several prospects, discussing their training and their experience... including one guy who just stuck a knife in Seal's "Kiss From a Rose", and another guy who is wailing something that is indecipherable.  But, here comes Ashley Rodriguez

Ashley really wants this.  This is her dream, since she was little.  "Since I Ain't Got You" is her song, and though she's not just slaying it, she's doing it quite nicely.  She does look good, and I like her.  Simon says, "You may have It".  That's pretty good.

Tyler Grady pops up, with shattered wrists because he fell out of a tree.  He's also a drummer, though that might be on hold when your arms don't work so well.  He's got this bushy afro thing going on, and it looks like he is wearing bell bottoms.  He's singing "Let's Get It On".  See, this is where I miss Paula, because she would be saying everything she could to say "Come to my room" without actually saying "Come to my room."   I miss the bubbles and fluffy and clouds and flowers.  Anyway, Kara the Hotness and Posh the Spice love it, and Randy the Dawg and Simon the Cowell agree.  He's off to Hollywood.

17 make it the first day, let's move on to Day 2.  Randy and Simon arrive, as do Kara and Victoria Beckham, aka, Posh Spice, aka, Eat a Chocolate Bar.  I swear I've had servings of pretzels bigger than her.  Its just not attractive. 

Lisa Olivero is 24, she's a waitress and she wants to be a singer.  She's got a heavy accent, and she says she likes to sing Mariah Carey and Christina Aguliera.  She's got confidence, because she's singing "Vision of Love"... which, of course, is pre-skank Mariah.  Don't get me started on that...

Anyway, watching Posh's face while Lisa belts these notes out... let's just say this.  Anytime they spotlight someone who goes on and on about wanting to be a singer, THEN talks about how people tell her that she sounds like Mariah and X-Tina, and she believes it... you know this is going to be bad.  And it was absolutely awful. 

And there's more... here's a montage of failed attempts.  And ridiculous outfits.  And terrible conversations.  And crazy accents. 

Here comes Mike Davis, who drives a big touring speedboat named "Codzilla".  This guy should annoy the crap out of me... but I kinda like him.  "Yesterday" is his song of choice... while he's not great, he's really not bad.  Actually, he's pretty good.  Simon says yes... but Randy says no?  Kara the Hotness loves him, and I'm guessing Posh the Spice will do the same... and she does. 

Katie Stevens, 16, hails from Middlebury, Connecticut, who has a very old, very slow grandmother who only can speak Portuguese.  She's nailing "At Last" by Etta James... and I think I've found a real candidate for My Next American Idol.  Yes, its early, but its not too early to pay attention.  She was awesome.   She gets through.

Oh no... Joshua Blaylock is up.  He's 28, this is his last shot, and he's doing a decent job on "Bless the Broken Road"... but in the previews, this is the guy who tells Simon to "Shut Up".  Now we find out its staged... they told him to be more assertive, and Randy says, "Tell Simon to shut up!" which he does.  Oh, that Fox.  Teasing us so with the conflicting verbage.  And the tease us again with the cancer story and a New York girl who, "Wants this so badly, this is my dream!"

And a montage of poor people who freeze up and forget their words, and those who you wish had frozen up and forgotten their words.  There's an Asian kid trying to sing "All By Myself" that, were The Lovely Steph Leann here, she might pass out from laughing.  Maybe even throw the blanket.  The Asian kid had to have subtitles when he talked to Ryan the Seacrest.

Justin Williams was doing missions in Spain 7 years ago, and found out he had cancer.  Once again, Cindy Jo is weeping openly.  "Feelin' Good" is how he's singing.  I happen to love the original by Nina Simone, who doesn't get nearly the love that Billie Holliday and some of the classics do.  Nina rocks.

And so does Justin.  Paula would be laid face first right now at his feet... its possible that The Lovely Steph Leann would too if she were there.  Posh likes him, Kara likes him, Randy and Simon likes him.  Its like the second coming of Ace Young without the Ace Young hair.

Holy crap.  This guy.  Reminds me of Whatshername Odermayer from last year... two years ago?  Simba, remember?  Except Whatshername Odermayer with a gotee and better/worse hair.  And unfortunately, I was so caught up by this dude's appearance that I missed his name altogether, which means I had to rewind the DVR to catch his name... Norberto Guerrero.  Fitting. 

And what's great is when he screws up the song, he hops around, then tells them he's nervous and says, "Can I start over?" and Simon says, "uh... sure."  Norberto didn't make it.

Bosa Mora, a black dude with Nigerian parents is singing... George Strait.  I'm not kidding.  "You Looks So Good In Love" is classic Strait... and dude!  He's pulling it off!  I think George would be happy with it.  Simon finds him very boring, while Posh says, "I didn't find him boring a'tall".  Kara, Posh and Randy send Bosa through with a 3-1 margin.

And the end of Boston's auditions is near.  Touching stories, amazing talent, bad auditions, terrible costumes.. just like your typical Idol show. 

Leah Laurenti is the final contestant of the Boston audition.  She wants it so bad, she doesn't want to settle.  Her goal is to be a singer.  She's been singing her whole life.  Its very important to her.  She's original, I tell ya that.

Now, she's singing "Blue Skies", and I think this is one of those that The Lovely Steph Leann would gush about, saying how hard those runs are, and how her voice control is unbelievable... and I would respond, "Yeah, she's okay."  Maybe its the song, but she's just... well, she's just pretty good.  Randy loved it.  Kara loved it.  Posh Spice loved it.  Simon gives it a fourth yes-vote, and "Boston" by Augustena plays once more. 

A total of 31 make it to Hollywood... and here are the ones I liked... Katie Stevens, That 16 Year Old Maddy chick, Ashley Rodriguez and Luke Sheffer.


  1. Maybe it is just me....BUT I started reading your blog on facebook because the black background/white writing on the blog is KILLER on my eyes. But you miss so much on facebook. Like this post for instance. It is not there yet.

    SO, maybe someone else will back me up here, but could you change the background color of the blog so Hannah can come and read without getting a headache or getting dizzy?

    Thank you for your consideration. =)

    American Idol I think was what brought me to your blog last year for the first time. I enjoy the commentary. Thanks for blogging.

  2. well, the only thing you do miss on facebook is the videos, which i usually make a note at the top that the videos wont show up. i'll think about the background color, but i probably wont change it... unless there is a huge public outcry and then i might... glad you are out there!

  3. I like snickerdoodles. And oreos. I want my cookie :)
    Erin The Marine Wife


I want to hear your response! Click here!!