Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Idol on Broadway

Its lights… its music… its KT… it’s the Lovely Steph Leann… its Broadway…


Is American Idol.

No kidding… its Broadway night, featuring the music of Andrew Lloyd Webber. If anything, there should be something inspirational for Young David to belt out, and another chance for David Rob Thomas Cook to take a sappy song and turn it into a rock song.

Webber is known for such Broadway shows like Phantom of the Opera, Evita, The Starlight Express (a terrible show) and the highly overrated Cats. Really, really overrated. I have seen it twice. I saw it once with Kate Lewis, a dreamy Kappa Delta, in 1995, and was so bored by the show I fell asleep. So, a decade later, The Lovely Steph Leann and I went to see it. I stayed awake. And it still sucked.

Syesha Mercado
She’s taking on “One Rock and Roll Too Many” from… well, from a show I don’t know. Or maybe I do, but don’t know the song.

The Black Julia Stiles doesn’t have her poofy hair (and actually, she looks pretty hot), so I don’t know if this will be good or not. Actually, it sounds pretty good, almost like it belongs in “Chicago”, though that’s not a Webber show.

Randy declares it her best performance to date. Paula blows sunshine, calling this Broadway atmosphere “your happy place”. What? And then Simon tops it off by saying The Black Julia Stiles was very sexy.

Turns out this song was from Starlight Express, which is why I didn't recognize the song. I've tried to block that two hours out--which means it may or may not be better than Cats. Is it better to be bored to tears and miss some from nodding off, or be fully awake by the dazzling colors but be aghast at how crappy a story made up of toys that come alive on roller skates can be? These are the things that puzzle this great nation.

Jason Castro
So, he’s singing “Memory”. From Cats. I mean, the show was terrible, but the two bright spots were “Memory” and “Gus the Theater Cat”.

Just saw the Pixar trailer for “Wall*E”, and The Lovely Steph Leann just freaked out, and clapped with her feet. I’m not sure I’ve ever gotten her that excited.

The Dreadlocked admits to have never seeing any of the shows by Webber, and is surprised to find out that a cat sings it—an old “Glamour Puss”, according to Andy Webber. And he says he’s nervous about singing this song… and he should be.

I mean, I guess he’s not destroying the song… but really, no new ground has been broken here. The mosh pit was waving their arms, to which I said, “Those kids don’t even know what this song is.”

KT likes to make fun of The Dreadlocked One. She does it so much during this song, the Lovely Steph Leann actually smacks her.

Randy says it was a train wreck. Paula tries to find her way around the grumpy gorillas to give The Dreadlocked One some good ‘ol sunshine. Simon is rolling his eyes, saying it was the longest two minutes of his life.

Brooke White
Here’s a song called “You Must Love Me”, the new song from the “Evita” movie, starring Madonna. A-Webb says, “I’m not sure she had a clue what she was singing about.”

A-Webb gives her the explanation, and My Next American Idol Brooke White finally clicks, and is ready to blow us away!

She starts… and she stops after the first line, and asks the band to start again… KT somehow knew this (I think she was talking to Mrs. KT’s mom), and is quietly snickering at the demise of My Next American Idol Brooke White. Could this be the week that The Black Julia Stiles surpassed My Next American Idol Brooke White, much like she somehow topped Irish Carly and KLC last week?

The song is about death, or at least, a dying woman. And My Next American Idol Brooke White does the song justice, after her trouble at the beginning. And she stands, fearful of what is to come from the judges.

Randy says the vocals were tough, Paula is desperately searching for sunshine. She’s trying so hard. “You must never start and stop,” she says, slowly. Wow, there’s no sunshine, I mean, Paula is doing all she can to find some… My Next American Idol Brooke White doesn’t even get a “you look great!”

Simon says, “It was so dramatic, I love live TV!” He states the obvious, at how My Next American Idol Brooke White became very tense and wound up after starting and then stopping and starting again. She stands with Seacrest, holding back tears, doing her best to stay composed.

And since we're on the subject of Broadway, I figured I'd break out a video. Personally, my favorite show is "Mamma Mia!", followed ever so close by "Les Miserables", but Les Miz features my favorite Broadway tune of all time... "On My Own", sung by Eponine to start the second act. Talk about gut wretching. Like, she loves this guy like crazy, and she ends up dying while taking a love note from him to Cosette, the chick he actually loves. Bad times.

This is taken from the Les Miserables 10th Anniversary Concert, though my favorite version is found on the Highlights (not the Original Cast).

David Archuleta
Young David sings the songs from a guy who has shows that are almost all older than he is. The Lovely Steph Leann predicts “Music of the Night”.

Wow… he is taking “Think of Me”. I mean, that’s a huge one, sung by Christine Diae, the ingĂ©nue of the show, and Young David is going to take on a chick song. And for once, the arrangement for Young David strays off the beaten path, with a solo guitarist in the background.

I’ll be honest with ya… this might be the best I’ve ever heard him sing. Like, this song has gone from a classic Broadway showtune to something you’d hear on the former 94.5, when they used to play Michael Buble and Wilson Phillips.

KT is dissing on Young David’s hand motions, apparently motions he’s made many times before. All I know is, I’m marveled that I wasn’t bored.

Randy says “Da bomb! This boy’s the one to beat!!”. Paula, unlike My Next American Idol Brooke White, has plenty of sunshine for Young David. Simon says it was just pleasant, but weak. For one of the few times, I disagree, because I thought it was brilliant.

Young David did David Rob Thomas Cook before David Rob Thomas Cook had a chance to do David Rob Thomas Cook.

Carly Smithson
Irish Carly is taking on “The Phantom of the Opera” again, but until A-Webb hears her. He tells her not to sing “All I Ask of You” and steers her to “Jesus Christ Superstar”, which is one of my favorite, all time Broadway songs.

The version I have on my iPod is sung by a big black man named Clive Rowe, which I believe is the Judas character singing. Irish Carly is not really a big black man, but she’s rockin’ it out.

She took Broadway, threw it in the Heart Barracuda Machine, and out pops a great, great night. KT looks bored to tears.

Randy doesn’t know if its her best, but it was definitely good. Paula loved it so much, she’s dumping sunshine by the bra full on Irish Carly. Simon thought it was a little shouty, but declared it one of his favorite performances of the night. Irish Carly pulls out a shirt that says “Simon Likes Me!! (this week)”.

You know, upon furthe contemplation, she would have rocked out with "Phantom of the Opera", though I guess the duet part would have been hard.

David Cook
From Phantom of the Opera, David Rob Thomas Cook takes on “Music of the Night”, to which A-Webb declares it’s the most sensual song he’s ever written. I think A-Webb actually might be coming on to David Rob Thomas Cook. Awkward, bad times. Seriously.

I mean, he’s no Michael Crawford—who is, really—but he’s not doing too bad. He’s keeping with the traditional performances of the song, as if he stepped straight out of the show, straight off of stage. KT says, “I think its frickin’ awesome…”, but I don’t know whether to believe her, because she said the same thing about Young David and My Next American Idol Brooke White.

Wow. That was feeeee-nominal.

Randy says it was amazing, another molten hot lava bomb right here. Paula + sunshine = blubber. Simon says David Rob Thomas Cook made the most of the song, though admits its not the side of he likes.

I think this was a great step for DRTC, simply because he’s done some great stuff already—“Hello”, “Billie Jean”, and so on—but tonight, he showed us a different side, and proved that yes, he can sing whatever.

Tonight, David Rob Thomas Cook takes my top spot, over Young David, who was almost equally as great. Behind the Davids, Irish Carly and The Black Julia Stiles tied for third, while… okay, The Dreadlocked One was slightly better than My Next American Idol Brooke White, but she is My Next American Idol… so The Dreadlocked One is last tonight.

The bottom three? My Next American Idol Brooke White, The Black Julie Stiles and The Dreadlocked One… and I think tomorrow night is the night we lose My Next American Idol Brooke White. Sigh.

And probably deservedly.


Tuesday, April 15, 2008

And They Called the Idol Mariah

For those of you who can't see the videos, try just clicking on it. Otherwise... I have no idea.

Tonight is Mariah Carey night. First, let me set the record straight... I really, really like Mariah Carey. I don't love Mariah Carey like I used to... back in the day, when she first came out, especially with "Music Box" and "Daydream" and her self-titled debut, she was awesome... I loved Mariah then.

And then, for some reason, she decided that every song needed to have a (c)rap artist behind it. So instead of "Heartbreaker", we got "Heartbreaker (ft. Jay-Z)". Instead of "Loverboy", we get "Loverboy (ft Da Brat, Ludacris, Twenty II and Shawnna)". I didn't make those up, by the way.

Pre-skank Mariah... incredible. Post-skank Mariah... just okay.

Tonight's crew is KT, The Lovely Steph Leann, Britlicious and myself... earlier, The Lovely Steph Leann had over about eight other women for a Chick-Fellowship. I came downstairs to all the lovely ladies in the house, and remarked, "This reminds me of college".

The Not Quite As Lovely Yet Lovely Still Steph Halpert asked, "Ladies man?", to which I said, "No, not really. Just like now, they were all unattainable."

By the way, Mariah Carey got her name from the musical "Paint Your Wagon", the song called "They Called the Wind Mariah". This is why you keep reading--random crap just like this.


Is American Idol.

Ryan lets you know that you need to vote, lest we see a repeat of last week, where Aussie Michael went and KLC and The Black Julia Stiles stayed.

My favorite Mariah songs? (10) "Someday", (9) "I Don't Wanna Cry", (8) "Without You", (7) "Heartbreaker", (6) "If It's Over", (5) "All I Want For Christmas", (4) "Always Be My Baby", (3) "Vision of Love", (2) "Fantasy" and finally, my favorite Mariah Carey song:

David Archuleta
So I predicted it... I said just a minute or two ago, Young David would sing something inspirational, because let's face it, this is all he can do. Be honest with yourself--he's got a great voice, but really, unless its "lift you up" kind of junk, he's not doing so hot.

Tonight, he's singing "If You Believe", the song from "Prince of Egypt", sung by both Mariah and Whitney Houston. This might be the first time ever that a guy--or a girl for that matter--has taken on both Mariah and Whitney at the same time. Toss in "My Heart Will Go On" and his head might explode. Or mine.

Britlicious dares to say that My Next American Idol Brooke White is just like this. Scandalous.

Randy loves him some Young David. Paula gives her sunshine a large push towards Young David. Simon actually says, "I would have bet you would have chosen that song." He liked it well enough.

Carly Smithson
The big deal tonight is that all the chicks will be compared to Mariah's version of the songs... the guys will get away with it if they just sing it decently enough.

The Lovely Steph Leann and I have a quick exchange about Young David's future, and she says that he might have a great Michael Buble-like career. I reply, "It might be kind of weird, though, to put on an Archuleta record to get in the mood, like a couple would do with Buble. Unless your Michael Jackson, that is."

Irish Carly is singing my 8th favorite Mariah Carey song, "Without You", originated by Harry Nilsson (though Mariah's is better).

KT comments on the cleavage that Irish Carly is busting out, looking like backwards paranthesis really. She has her tats covered, and for the first time, I'm digging me some Irish Carly. She does well with it, I think, hitting the good notes.

Randy thinks its just so-so, pulling out the "started bad, ended good" cliche. Paula blows sunshine. How can anyone talk for ten minutes and not say anything? (yes, yes, I do that here all the time...). Simon didn't like it, saying he thinks she's better than that.

Syesha Mercado
And we're back, now with The Black Julia Stiles trying to take on Mariah. She's got the poofy hair, which is a good thing. She's singing "Vanishing", one of Mariah's old, old songs, off the first album. We all agree this is a good thing, since there's not Da Brat, DMX, Jay-Z, XYZ, LL Bean or anyone else to back her up.

The Lovely Steph Leann shows her musical knowledge by saying she wants to see a Mariah song sung without the runs. Whatever that means.

Randy says, "good job", while Paula rambles about butterflies, glitter, music boxes and rainbows. Simon says that while "technically it was very, very good, however, you run a risk by choosing a song that not many people know." I think she runs a risk by not being named David Rob Thomas Cook, The Dreadlocked One or Young David.

Brooke White
For whatever reason, My Next American Idol took a page from Simba's book and decided to fluffernut her hair up. KT imitates her by doing the same. But, remember, KT is not My Next American Idol.

Mariah is singing not only one of The Lovely Steph Leann's least favorite Mariah songs (and there aren't that many she'd consider favorites--unless you count "Last Night a DJ Saved My Life, ft Busta Rhymes, Fabulous and DJ Clue" from the "Glitter" album.) but also one of her least favorite songs ever.

My Next American Idol Brooke White is at the piano, singing "Hero". KT is mocking the head bobs, Britlicious has a scrunched look on her face, and The Lovely Steph Leann just threw up in her mouth. I, however, am amused and pleasantly pleased by My Next American Idol Brooke White.

Randy liked it... until the bridge. What? He liked the beginning, and didn't like the end? What is happening here?

Paula loved it, of course. Even pausing, perhaps looking for words to describe My Next American Idol Brooke White, perhaps trying not to drool. Who knows with Paula.

Simon says that she didn't have much choice with this song... he says its like a burger without the meat. No meat in the song. Paula is confused. So is My Next American Idol Brooke White. Randy pipes up, "There was meat! Maybe there was no condiments!"

Kristy Lee Cook
This is a song called "Forever". This is an Americal Idol called KLC. This is a performance sure to be interesting.

From the "Daydream" album, arguably one of my favorite discs of the 1990s, KLC is... actually doing it justice. Like, seriously. Like, I want to find this song horrendous, but seriously... not only does she look kinda cute, but she's singing a Mariah Carey song well.

Is this a sign of the rapture? Aussie Michael goes home, Randy likes the beginning of a song and not the ending, KLC does well on Mariah Week... next we'll see earthquakes, volcanos, the dead rising from the grave, human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!! Of course, this might be a result of Global Warming, but who knows...

Randy is surprised that he liked it too. Paula shovels some sunshine her way. Simon even liked it a little bit.

KLC is actually kinda growing on me... she's not my least favorite, that honor now belonging to The Black Julia Stiles. Her sign, "Kristy's Seat", that she made to put on the Bottom Three chair was really funny, and she's done decently well for the last week or two. KLC won't win, but she might last a little longer.

David Cook
When finding out that David Rob Thomas Cook is next, Britlicious responds "This should be interesting."

He's taking on my 4th favorite Mariah song, "Always Be My Baby", fresh from the "Daydream" cd. And wow, DRTC is doing awesome. I love how this guy takes songs and makes his own arrangement... its not like he's just covering a song, its like he's in concert and among his own singles, he sings a cover of another artist in his own style. Fine, I'll admit it... I might consider buying a David Rob Thomas Cook cd, if the music is like this.

That was awesome. The Lovely Steph Leann didn't like the original, but really liked this version.

Randy stands up for the first time this season, with an applause. Paula says of the song, "That could be in a movie soundtrack." A what? Not a single, not a #1, but a movie soundtrack? Simon says, "That was like coming out of a bad karaoke concert to a breath of fresh air." Brilliant.

Jason Castro
And finally, The Dreadlocked One tries to follow up the incredible "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" version. From her first cd in 1990, The Dreadlocked One takes on my 9th favorite Mariah song ever, "I Don't Wanna Cry".

The Dreadlocked One was so good last week, I had to post this. As time goes by, this might join Amy Adams "Sin Wagon", George Huff's "Take Me To the Pilot", Kat McPhee's "Black Horse & the Cherry Tree", Carrie Underwood's "Alone", among others, as one of my favorite Idol performances ever...

Atop a stool, with a bongo drummer and guitarist behind him, The Dreadlocked One does his own little spin on the song. I like it... its a little risky, and yet, his version takes out all the huge notes he'd have to hit (and would undoubtedly miss) if he did a version closer to the original.

Randy says he didn't really love it. He pulls a Simon phrase and says, "I feel like I was at a beach luau, and someone is playing in the distance." Paula says, "I would love to be at that luau." Yes, yes she would.

Simon agrees with... Paula. Shockingly, he says it wasnt the best version, but it definately did The Dreadlocked One well.

So tonight... we all agree that tonight was good. Britlicious liked David Rob Thomas Cook, KT says David Rob Thomas Cook and "KLC, unfortunately." The Lovely Steph Leann liked My Next American Idol Brooke White. My favorites? I gotta go with David Rob Thomas Cook, followed by My Next American Idol Brooke White, and then... KLC? The Dreadlocked One, Irish Carly, Young David (only because I just don't like the song) and then, The Black Julia Stiles.

I put Irish Carly, The Black Julia Stiles and... My Next American Idol Brooke White in the bottom three. KLC stays safe, and The Black Julia Stiles goes home. Just my thoughts.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

The World's Wildest Blog Videos Caught On Tape

Hey... big ups to Joey Thornell and Alissa Kelly, who got engaged tonight! Joey is a great guy, and Alissa is a beautiful girl, and together, it seems just right, doesn't it? Congrats!!

One of the biggest shockers in Idol's history... and I wasn't surprised. Well, okay, I was a little surprised, but inevitably, someone who could potentially win gets voted off before someone who has no business advancing.

Michael Johns fell victim to the same curse that saw Daughtry, Melinda Doolittle, Kimberly Locke, even CheezyDeezy, and countless others get the boot, while watching lesser talented (in this case Syesha Mercado) or less interesting (in this case, KLC) advance, to join Jasmine Trias, Sanjaya, Josh Gracin and even Taylor Hicks in the "Shouldn't Be Still Here" group.

I can actually agree when they say "this is the most talented group ever", because truly, when David Rob Thomas Cook, Young David Archuleta, My Next American Idol Brooke White, Irish Carly Smithson and The Dreadlocked One Jason Castro go head to head as the final five, its going to be awesome... if they all make it that far. Let's face it--I like The Black Julia Stiles. I think she's borderline hot. But she's kinda boring, really. And KLC? There's nothing interesting about her. She seems pleasant, but she's not My Next American Idol.

Bottom line is, Michael Johns deserved to stay. His version of "Dream On", while not perfect, truly wasn't his worst. But that's me.

I do love my DirecTV. There's a Jewelry Channel. Like, really. Right now, I'm watching truTV (formerly CourtTV), some show called "Bait Car". I don't really know the premise of the reality show, or as TruTV says, "actuality show", other than... well, "bait cars" are placed out to bait car thieves. Apparently, it works, hence, the show "Bait Car".

The in-car dash cam catches this exchange between a father and son:
Son, realizing the cops are behind him: Go! Just go, dad, go!
Father, drunk: Naw, son, they got us
Son: No dad! Just hit the gas! Go!
Father, pulling over: Naw son, they got us. They got us.
Police, in the background and getting out of their car: Put your hands where we can see them!
Son, raising his hands straight up through the open sunroof: I love you, dad

No, KT, I'm not making any of this up.

Another show I dig on truTV is Panama City Beach Patrol, which is just what it sounds like. Cameras follow the Panama City Police during Spring Break. I hail from Samson, AL, which is about 70 minutes north of Panama City... actually, take a left out of my parents driveway, head down Hwy 87, which turns to Hwy 81 when you cross the Florida line, travel another 50 miles, take a left, then take a right, and 15 minutes later, you're at the water. You could literally skip school, enjoy five hours at the beach, then get back before the last bell rang. Not that I did that.

Anyway, its fun to watch Panama City Beach Patrol, because I totally recognize, and have actually stayed, at some of the hotels and motels in the background. I watch the show, and I'm like "Hey, I made out with Labett White there!" or "Hey, I danced in a fire lit circle outside of that hotel!" or "I went to that club!"

Crap like this is a guilty pleasure--though I'm not a big fan of "Cops", cause there's only so much redneck I can take. I love those "World's Wildest Police Chase" shows too... Once, while actually in Panama City, I was about to head out of the hotel room to enjoy the sunshine of a 75 degree day. One of those shows was on, and I ended up sitting down and watching it. Drew Morris came in. He started watching it. Shawn Sharp walked in, and he too was caught. Another guy came in, and was sucked in. So, at the worlds most beautiful beaches, on a nice 75 degree day, when there are scantily clad Christian girls outside in inappropriate bikinis (this was a churchy type retreat), and there are four guys, watching two hours of "World's Wildest Police Chases" on the local Fox affiliate.

On right now? "The Smoking Gun presents The World's Dumbest Drivers Caught On Video", featuring commentary by Danny Bonaduce, Tonya Harding and Leif Garrett. I love my life.

Watching this show, though I did flip through the channels though, and on certain settings, you can see the information about a show as you continue to watch the original show. This is important to know the channel never changes when I tell you that right now on Cinemax is "Bikini Girls From Lost Planet". I only mention this because the info says "Scantily clad women are pleasing to the eye". I laughed.

I just realized that I've got 9,830 files on my iPod, a collection of songs, videos, TV shows and other fun stuff... and nowhere is Bobby Darin's "Mack the Knife". This is a travesty that must be corrected immediately.

I'll download it tomorrow, at the same time as "Over the Rainbow", the version by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole, as peformed by The Dreadlocked One this past week on Idol. I'd heard this version behind some commercial, but didn't know who was singing it... now I know it, and I'll own it. I rule.

Seems I have lots of C-list celebrity friends... many of you readers know that Ambre Lake and I, from "Rock of Love 2 with Bret Michaels", were friends in college, went out once, and did children's theater together. I'm also friends with Michael Warren, local musician and on the verge of breaking it big. And now, my buddy Bobby Black (turn up your volume, then click on the top section... its priceless) found me on Facebook, and not only has he done some successful cruise work, he's been headlining with his group The Las Vegas Tenors.

Bobby is the one on screen when you see "A Night To Remember!" splash across the screen.

He also told me he's friends with Paige Davis. I love Paige Davis. Seriously. Now I'm jealous.

Which brings me back to The Panama City Beach Patrol... they rescued some kid from alcohol poisoning at the same Holiday Inn that Miranda Bryant, Mandy Stewart, Bobby Black and I stayed in, when... you know, this is where the circle of fire comes in... you only thought I was kidding about the part, didn't you?

Last summer, I worked really hard on assembling my favorite 100 movies of all time, in list form. I called it The Dave100. Then, I set out to list them, one by one, starting at 100, all the way to my favorite movie ever. Well, life caught up, as it tends to do, and I never got past the first ten movies or so... in that time, I've managed to see a few more films, such as "The 40 Year Old Virgin" that I absolutely love, and films like "Enchanted" that I know I'll be able to watch over and over and over...

And I've reviewed my original list, and seen a few movies near the bottom that, last summer, I really was crazy about, but upon further review today, perhaps aren't as good as some. I watched half of "To Kill a Mockingbird" today--my pick for the Greatest Film Ever Made--and realized it should be ranked higher. I love that movie.

And... my number one has changed. I have a new favorite movie, really for the first time in about, I don't know, 18 years.

So, with all that in mind, plus a few new people I can call on to commentate, such as KT, or Jason, or even DeLisa and husband DeNick, I'm going to restart the list this summer... restart and finish the list this summer. That's my pledge.

On the "The Smoking Gun presents The World's Dumbest Drivers Caught on Video", just saw a clip of guy who had stolen a car, veered off the road and jumped out to surrender. Only, he forgot to put the truck in park. He leaps on the ground, puts his hands behind his head, and the truck proceeds to roll over his leg. The funniest thing was, the guy kept his hands behind his head when he started screaming in pain, and rolling around, and the cops just ran up and planted their feet in his back.

Okay, I just flipped through the channel guide, and saw that "The Last of the Mohicans" is coming on Starz! tonight, at around 130am. I don't plan on being awake, but if I am, I'll end up watching it. "The Last of the Mohicans" is not only in the Dave100, (Spoiler Alert!) its in the Dave25... just an incredible movie.

When Daniel Day-Lewis is holding on to the then-hot Madeleine Stowe in the waterfall cave, you hear one of the greatest Pimp lines ever... "No, you submit, do you hear? You be strong... you survive... you must stay alive, no matter what occurs! I will find you. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you."

It's God's will that I didn't deliver these lines to Kathy Hollingsworth my freshman year of college, because she would have totally been mine had I done so. I'm okay with how it turned out, ya know?

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Idol: Inspiration Gives Back

So, its Idol time… Idol Gives Back is this week. And today, we have a room with just The Lovely Steph Leann and KT, but now we are joined by Big Paulie, Sammy C, Croyle 1 and Croyle 2, all ready to enjoy the music and frivolity of the obsession known as American Idol!

Tonight’s theme is “Inspirational Songs”, which isn’t surprising, given the nature of tomorrow’s show.

Michael Johns
“Dream On” by Aerosmith… could this be the first time that Aerosmith has actually been covered on American Idol? Surely “Walk This Way” wouldn’t be family friendly enough to qualify… and so, I guess “Dream On” is inspirational?

He manages to his the shrieks made famous by Steven Tyler, which elicits giggles from KT and a few others in the room. Big Paulie is unfamiliar with the show’s contestants, and the show in general, asking “That’s all they get to sing?”

Randy said it was aight, but a bit pitchy. Paula blows sunshine. KT says, “If she makes a wrong move, her boobs are popping out of her dress.” Ten years ago, I would have been all about that—now? I might throw up in my mouth. Simon says it was good, but it sounded like Aussie Michael was trying to impersonate Aerosmith.

Big Paulie, after Ryan makes a boob joke of his own, says, “Oh, that’s Ryan Seacrest? I’ve heard of him!”

Syesha Mercado
The Lovely Steph Leann points out that The Black Julia Stiles has the Mickey Mouse hair again… she’s singing “I Believe” by Fantasia. First of all, Fantasia does me no good… she’s obnoxious. Big Paulie says, “She looks like she has a Pomeranian on her head.” Croyle 1 adds, “I can’t get past the poof.”

Personally, she only sings well when she has the poof. When she has the straight hair, The Black Julia Stiles can’t get it done. All I know is, I’m inspired.

Randy says, “You took on a tiger!” talking about Fantasia. Croyle 2 points out that The Black Julia Stiles keeps picking out songs by artists you can’t messed with—Whitney last week, Fantasia this week—and she has a valid point. Paula blows sunshine.

Simon says he thought she sang it well, but there wasn’t enough emotion. He wants to find out “who you are…”

Jason Castro
The Dreadlocked One is singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”. KT makes another “he looks retarded” comment. The Dreadlocked One is doing a ukulele version of the song. This might be a hoot.

This now makes me think of that commercial which has this version behind it, which makes me really like that song… I don’t remember the commercial, but I remember this song! I love it!

And The Dreadlocked One is pulling it off quite well. I’ve just made a discovery too… he’s very toothy. Very straight toothy. And he’s wearing a lot of makeup. And he sounded great just now.

Randy says, “The hottest so far of the night!”, out of the three so far. Paula blows sunshine, saying flowers and birds and tweeties and such… Simon says he loved the version of the song, and he thought The Dreadlocked One was awesome.

Kristy Lee Cook
Ryan says she’s determined to stay out of the bottom three this week. She’s singing “Anyway” by Martina McBride… The Lovely Steph Leann sighs, “Aw, I like this song… now you’re going to make me not like it.”

On a side note, we are all thinking that they should get the themes at the beginning of the season… Young David could have sung “Imagine”, The Dreadlocked One singing, “Hallelujahs”, and KLC singing “God Bless the USA”. If only.

Instead, we get to hear KLC butcher a fine, fine Martina McBride song. We can’t figure out if Paula was dancing or pulling her dress up to keep this show from TV-MA.

Randy loved it, though it was pitchy. Paula blows sunshine, while Simon makes a joke about Paula’s Chihuahuas (again). Croyle 1 is waiting for a wardrobe malfunction. There’s a lot going on in this room, and somehow, I heard Big Paulie say the words “Cold Hearted Snake”.

Simon said that KLC looked like a star.

David Cook
So, Our Lady Peace gets some Idol love, finally. Finally. What kind of injustice exists in this world when Our Lady Peace has to wait seven season to get some recognition on this show. The song is called “Innocent”, a song I’ve never heard by a band I’ve never heard.

David Rob Thomas Cook starts out a little weak, possibly the worst I’ve ever heard. This song is terrible. He’s bringing it back, a little, but still, it was pretty bad. Not good times. Bad times indeed.

Randy is a huge fan of David Rob Thomas Cook, but not this week. Paula blows sunshine. Simon didn’t like it at all, cutting Paula’s sunshine blowing off. He thought it was a little pompous, and to his point, I almost agree. Simon says, “It wasn’t anywhere near the last two weeks.” The room agrees.

Carly Smithson
Our Irish Rocker Carly “The Show Must Go On” by Queen, all about the fact that life goes on, except when its cut short by AIDS due to unprotected gay sex. I’m just sayin’.

She looks like she stepped right out of 1984, with a terribly cheesy tank top, very form fitting, which again, I can’t look at Carly in an attracted way unless you cut her right arm off. Just clean cut it. Not even a nub. Or maybe reattach her hand above the wrist to her shoulder. Thumb and all.

The room has no idea how to take this.

Randy says it was just okay for him, disconnected. Paula almost agrees with Randy, but doesn’t, salvaging some sunshine from the depths of negativity. Simon says, “Well, you look good.” He just likes the shirt. However, Simon thinks Irish Carly oversang the song, coming across as an angry performance, out of kilter with the evening.

David Archuleta
He’s picking “Angels” by… “Angels” by… um… what the crap is this song? Who is on this kids playlist?

I keep waiting for The Disney Channel to offer him a starring role in High School Musical 7: High School Musical. Or High School Free or Die Musical. Or High School Musical With a Vengeance. That’s the one that KT loves.

Big Paulie says, “This isn’t inspirational, this is a love song. It’s about a chick.” All I know is the chick who dumped this guy last year, when he was a junior in high school, is kicking herself.

Randy loved it, loved it, loved it. Paula keeps her sunshine brief. Simon liked it a whole lot, though a bit nasally, but he admits he’s nitpicking.

Brooke White
“I’m done with Dave’s Next American Idol Brooke White,” KT pipes up.
“What? You’ve never liked My Husband’s Next American Idol! You can’t be done with her, you never started with her!” says The Lovely Steph Leann.

If I like what I hear, I wonder where I could download these songs? Perhaps URGE from Microsoft? Or some freeware?

My Next American Idol Brooke White is singing “You’ve Got a Friend”, and not the James Taylor version I don’t like, but instead the Carole King version from “Tapestry” that I really, really like.

Here's My Next American Idol Brooke White from a few weeks ago, in one of KT's favorite clips. This is why I would buy a My Next American Idol Brooke White cd.

There’s a dude at the piano, while My Next American Idol Brooke White stands—and unlike Beatles Week, part 2, she’s not trying to dancing.

Randy says, “I like that, yeeah, what what?” And yet, it was okay for him. Paula blows sunshine. Simon says, “Its like a pleasant walk in the park. Original? No. Pleasant? Yes… (pause) Thank you.”

My favorites of the night… I actually think The Dreadlocked One the best tonight. When it makes me want to go find the song on iTunes, then its good times. I also liked Aussie Michael. I'm guessing the bottom three will be The Black Julia Stiles, and KLC. I think KLC was actually better than David Rob Thomas Cook and Irish Carly, but both of the latter has so much support now, they'll be okay... or at least, DRTC will be. Irish Carly might have a nudge to that third spot... or (gulp) My Next American Idol Brooke White.

I don’t know about you… but…

I feel inspired.

Monday, April 07, 2008

Not Planning On Posting, So You Won't Even Read This

I wanted to post on Friday, but this weekend was rather busy, so I didnt get to it, thinking I would get to do so on Monday (today), and then I spent another 12 hours at work, so right now, as I'm flipping back and forth between the NCAA Championship (Go Tigers!) and WWE Raw (Go HHH!), I'm really tired.

I'm going to crawl up on the brand spankin' new futon right behind me, and continue to watch both until both are over.

There really is much to talk about, the least of which is the Wii, and the story of how it came to be in The Cabana, the dealings with Old Neal Graham, the GameStop stop, and the unfounded love for a game I like to call Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga... I call it that, cause that's what its titled.

Can I tell you how excited I am that I finally figured out how to post videos? (Thanks Scotty). Now that I know this, I can show you this fabulous trailer

Anyway, if I did post anything tonight, which I won't, it wouldn't get read as much because Idol is Tuesday night, and this is Idol Gives Back week, which is more than enough unintentional comedy to last a lifetime, much less one post. At least, its the final week for KLC, and then the real contest can begin (though I think Black Julia Stiles is due for a fall soon).

Speaking of Star Wars and Deal or No Deal, there's a Star Wars themed Deal or No Deal on April 28th. And yes, the banker will be Darth Vader.

New blog I've enjoyed... Carla Says. A quick, good read. She's supposed to put up a blog counter, so perhaps you can help her with her numbers...

For those of you who know Jennifer & Justin Glenn, who's romance blossomed at The Deuce, by the way, they are expecting a baby.

Five Actresses I'm In Total Love With (so much so that I'll practically watch them in anything... in somewhat of a particular order): The Goddess, Kate Winslet, Laura Linney, Debra Messing, Amy Adams

Two Who Used to Be On That List, Until They Suddenly Stopped Being Talented: Nicole Kidman, Jodie Foster

A Couple of Actors I'll Watch In Just About Anything (cause they are just cool): Kevin Spacey, Tom Hanks, Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson (and when I say anything concerning Sam Jackson, I mean anything... he's been in some real crap, I tell ya)

One Guy Who Used to Be Ubercool Until He Joined Charla & Mirna on Team Bats***: Tom Cruise

Why did I list that? Topic of conversation, maybe? Maybe because I'm tired and I'm ready to go to bed (thought Memphis is up by 5, and I can't go now, not with 3 and some change left).

But since American Idol is tomorrow night, I'm not planning on posting anyway, cause who will see it? I'll post a non-Idol post on Thursday. How about that?

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Idol: Welcome to Dollywood

Hey... have you seen Dolly Parton's new shoes? Neither has she!! Hey, what song does Dolly Parton sing in the shower? "Smoky Mountain Rain"! Do you remember when you were a kid, how poop jokes, fart jokes and boobie jokes were the funniest things in the world? Of course, the words "poop", "fart" and "boobie" were almost taboo... in a whisper, you'd hear someone go, "...you... said "poop"..."

Who am I kidding? To most guys, those jokes are funny now. In the same manner that guys would NEVER point out another guy who has brown shoes and a black belt (mostly cause we won't notice), girls don't find these things funny.

Anyway, I only bring all of it up, because the Country Diva herself, Dolly Parton is on the air...


Is American Idol.

(cue music here)

Ryan starts us out with an unfunny April Fool's Joke... "This week's show has been preempted, due to legal action pending from the American Vocal Coaches Association... April Fools!"

Dolly is one of those icons that everyone loves. I mean, fans of Johnny Cash, Megadeth, Michael Buble, Mariah Carey, Factor Seven... they all either love, or at least respect, Dolly. She's someone that I would just love for The Lovely Steph Leann and I just to sit down and have dinner with. And I'm going to go on a small limb here and say you'll hear two songs: "9 to 5" and "I Will Always Love You".

Brooke White
And one of my favorite Dolly songs, "Jolene", is being taken on by My Next American Idol Brooke White. Guitar in hand, accompanied by a solo drummer, a violinist and a backup singer, she starts off... well, just ehh... I've heard better. This is hard for me, cause I am anticipating the Brooke White cd that will be released sometime in 2009 (I don't have that confirmed, I'm just guessing).

I'm curious as to how Simon will approach this week, not being much of a country fan. Paula might actually be the only one who appreciates this show.

Randy says it was aight, and that this is her style of music. Paula blows sunshine, telling her, "You are Brooke White." Good job, Paula. Simon says My Next American Idol Brooke White lacked emotion, and even says the three backup players looked odd together.

Ryan says, "This is Brooke White!"

David Cook
Much like Chris Daughtry two seasons ago, David Rob Thomas Cook has set himself up to be The Guy. You know, everyone wants to know what he's going to do. This can be good or bad... last season, it was Sanjaya who was The Guy. And that wasnt good at all.

Just saw a commercial for "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader"... a two hour episode on Thursday. Really? I mean, two hours?

David Rob Thomas Cook mentions the band Doxology, who he borrowed an arrangement from... I only mention this because Doxology was kinda mad that David Rob Thomas Cook did in fact borrow their version of a song from a few weeks ago, and not mention them at all. So, he antes up. The band responded today.

He'll be doing "Little Sparrow", one I'm not really familiar with, though in the pre-performance video, he sounds good and Dolly loves him.

DRTC sounds great... seriously, this guy has a great, great voice. When My Next American Idol Brooke White gets voted off, because that's what always happens, I might elect DRTC as the Next My Next American Idol.

Randy liked it, especially the original arrangement of "Little Sparrow". Paula likes his haircut, saying something about his music like flowers, sunshine, birds, rainbows and fluffernutters. Simon liked last week better, but says, "If you can make a song about sparrows good, which you did, then congratulations."

Ramiele Malubay
Perhaps we can do a double elimination... Little Ramy and KLC, gone in one night. Little Ramy is singing "Do I Cross Your Mind", a great little country oldie.

I looked up at the television, and the camera angle almost gave you a straight-up-the-skirt angle. I threw up in my mouth. Little Ramiele is... just not that good. I mean, why is she still here? I'd love to see CheezyDeezy take on some Dolly.

Randy says he wasnt' jumping up and down, but it was aight, pretty good. Paula is proud of Little Ramy, who laughs as Paula is talking. Simon says it was just forgettable. Cute, but cruise shippy.

Jason Castro
Ryan is sharing fanmail with The Dreadlocked One, a bunch of postcards all from the same girl. Do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do (the sound made with a knife slashing motion). Creepy.

The Dreadlocked One is singing "Traveling Through", who Dolly loved to hear. He starts out with a drummer beating a bongo on the side, and guitar in hand. The Dreadlocked One sounds really good here... this seems like the perfect song for him.

FYI... this song, "Traveling Through", is actually about we are just traveling through this world, with Jesus on the other side. Good stuff... Dolly is a believer, from what I gather. Of course, this was the Oscar nominated song from "Transamerica".

Randy says it was pretty good, while Paula says it was one of his strongest. Then she stumbles over the sunshine. Simon didn't like the song at all. Somehow, I thought he might say that. The word "Jesus" was mentioned.

And just a question... has Randy ever heard a song that started awesome, and fell apart at the end? "Like, you did yo' thang at the beginning, but it was just aight for me at the end"?

Carly Smithson
The Irishgirl is actually singing my very favorite Dolly song, "Here You Come Again". The only thing that makes me somewhat of an authority on Dolly's music is that I grew up on this kind of old country... Dolly, Cash, Waylon and Willie, The Statlers, The Oak Ridge Boys, Billy Crash Craddock, T Graham Brown, Mel McDaniel... I remember when "Elvira", "Baby's Got Her Blue Jeans On" and some of this stuff was brand spankin' new.

Anyway, Irish Carly starts out really slow, just a single guitarist and herself. Carly sounds awesome... but I like the pace of the original song, so turning it into a complete ballad leaves a little to be desired for me. So, like, I like the voice, but not the arrangement.

Randy says it was one of the best of the night. Paula says glorious sunshine. She's pherklempt. Simon says it was good, not great. Then he tells her that her outfit isn't good... "At this stage, you have to start looking more like a star--and I'm not seeing that progression at the moment."

Maybe Carly should put a tattooed dress on that chick on her arm.

David Archuleta
His followers are called Arch Angels. Seriously.

He is singing "Smoky Mountain Memories", back to the ballads that got him this far. What's great about this show is that a month ago, Young David was the heir apparent for the next Idol crown, but after a stumble here, a forgotten lyric there, its not a race for second place for everyone else now. Not if David Rob Thomas Cook, Irish Carly, or My Next American Idol Brooke White have anything to say about it.

By the way, Carly Simon's new cd, her first cd of original music, is being released on April 29th, only at Starbucks. That's right... I'm all over it with my discount.

Oh, Young David sings great. Randy says, "Correction... THAT was the best performance of the night!" Paula blows sunshine. Simon says he was absolutely on the money.

The Arch Angels yell "We Love You!" from the front row.

Do you think Michael Jackson is at home, rooting for Young David?

Kristy Lee Cook
Awww... if you've never heard "Coat of Many Colors", you're missing it. It's a story about a girl who's family was so poor, that she didn't have a jacket to wear to school... so her mother gathered up scraps of fabric, and made her a "Coat of Many Colors", which the girl was so proud of. Problem is, when she got to school, everyone laughed at her, and her coat. "They didn't understand it, and I tried to make them see, one is only poor if they choose to be. I know we had no money, but I was rich as I could be, in my coat of many colors my mama made for me." Classic. One of the greatest country music songs, if not any genre, ever. Brilliant.

And its a true story--this happened to Dolly when she was a child. And who better to butcher this amazing song that good ol' KLC?

This is actually up KLC's alley, being a twangy country classic. Randy liked it, Paula blows sunshine, and Simon says "pleasant, but forgettable". She's barefoot too! Another Idol tried that a few years ago... it didn't work.

For all my kidding on KLC and Ramiele, I actually think I like Little Ramy's singing better... but I think I'd enjoy hanging out with KLC more. Ramiele looks much, much hotter though. Either way, they both have to go.

Here's the real song.

Syesha Mercado
And yes, here's the Idol career killer... "I Will Always Love You". Chances are, she's headed to the Whitney version. I like the Black Julia Stiles, but this is dangerous...

Like most of the Idols tonight, Syesha is accompanied with only one instrumentalist, this one being a piano.

The Black Julia Stiles starts out... not bad. I mean, anytime this song is sung by anyone, be it KT or Mikey or Sum42 (41? Who cares, they still suck), its going to be compared to Whitney, not Dolly.

And I'll be honest... The Black Julia Stiles did it right. And that last note was awesome...

Randy admits that was the biggest tiger of the night, and did aight with it. Paula blows sunshine. Simon says what everyone is thinking... the song paled in comparison to Whitney, which is what everyone will think of, so it may or may not help.

The newest Mac commercial has Mac and PC sitting, talking to a therapist. The therapist's name is Corinne Bohrer (her real name, I mean--her character here is not named). Corinne has been featured in several commercials in the last few years, including Tostitos and Walgreens, and that Kay Jewelers's Mother's Day commercial where she opens up the garage and the kids are singing to her.

This chick is going to be 50 this year. Fifty!!

I only mention this because I'm kinda sad she's relegated to tv spots. She's really a good actress... I remember being 12 or 14 and thinking she was totally hot in movies like "Dead Solid Perfect" (of course, anytime you play the love interest to Randy Quaid, it might not be the best thing for your career) and "Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol", and the Judge Reinhold magnum opus, "Vice Versa". I miss Corinne. She did get some airtime in Veronica Mars, but still, someone hire her!

How do I remember this crap?

Michael Johns
A pianist and guitarist behind him, Aussie Michael takes the stage for a bluesy, soulful Dolly cover of "It's All Wrong".

Ya know... aside from a little screeching here and there, this might be my favorite song of the night. I love the blues, R&B swing on it. Its great to hear him do something well, besides Queen.

Randy thought Aussie Michael brought it. Paula blows sunshine. And I'm not sure what Simon said, because the DVR just ended. The show ran late... I'm going to have to start recording Hell's Kitchen, I guess, to make sure I catch the end of Idol.

And you know, not a single mention of Idol Gives Back, for next week.

For tonight... I gotta give to Michael Johns as my favorite, followed closely by David Rob Thomas Cook, Irish Carly, My Next American Idol Brooke White, Young David, The Dreadlocked One, The Black Julia Stiles, and then together, Ramiele & KLC. Take either one of those two. Please, take them.