things we found in the garage

Today was a de-clutter day... today was the day we were going to tackle our home, The Cabana... The Lovely Steph Leann went after the kitchen, and I braved the cold weather and took on the garage....

Piled up, this was my Saturday project

Our garage is a small, two car garage that doesn't give a lot of room on either sides of our vehicles once we are both in.  Likewise, there isn't a lot of room in the front or back of our cars once in, and I always grimace in slight terror when I pull in The Lovely Steph  Leann's Honda Accord and park it, as I'm afraid the garage door will land on the trunk, or worse yet, scrape the back end bumper as it goes down to close.

Only happened once, though, I'm proud to say.  Let's move on.

We do have some shelving in our garage, though, holding mostly Christmas stuff in big plastic tubs.  Once metal shelf we bought from The Happiest Place in the Mall (aka, The Disney Store) as it closed its doors, another we bought from Home Depot, and yet another is a plastic get-up that one of us has had for a dozen years or more--though I don't know who actually brought it into our union.  Plus, the garage floor was full of leaves and dirt and grime and paper and grit and all the other things a garage door gets mired with over months of non-sweep.

And as I dug into the boxes and bags and random things piled on the shelves, things stuffed in between the plastic crates of Christmas décor and Rubbermaid tubs filled with limbs from a Christmas Tree we are trying to get ride of, I discovered... well, lots of random... crap.  I mean, some of it is good crap.  But some of it is just crap. 

What kind of crap are we talking about, d$?  Well, let me show you... crap like this...

You know... in case you need Microsoft Office.  From 2003.  With instructions.

I'd love to explain why there is a rubber chicken in our garage.  The truth is, I have no clue.  It is a keychain, probably purchased from Spencer's, cause when you are 20, Spencer's is cool. 

Yes, this is a die-cast, 30 year old General Lee.  I think this was part of a set I got for Christmas in like, 1982 or something, with Boss Hogg's Caddy, Roscoe's police cruiser, Daisy's Jeep and Cooter's tow truck.  And somehow, this one survives. 

At Starbucks, they urge you to try all the coffees, as a barista.  And when you do, you can write it in a little book called a "Coffee Passport".  In my 11 years there, I managed to fill out 4 of them... and this one here was the first.  They haven't produced either one of these coffees in at least 6 years...

What would a garage in the $ home be without a little Disney?  Like, how Mushu, Cogsworth, Heimlich and Dot randomly show up on our shelf?  I knew Heimlich was in there somewhere... had no idea about the other guys. 

My first cellphone!  I went 28 years without needing a phone... and I get married, and *boom*... get a cellphone so The Lovely Steph Leann can call me when needed.  Here's the dirty little secret, though... then, and now, she never checks hers... so she can call me and I'll answer... its much harder to call her.   As for this phone, when we got these Cingular phones, they looked just alike.  So I ended up getting a free name plate to distinguish mine.  I'm not even sure who was driving the 31 Cingular NASCAR racecar at the time...

From the category of "Forgot I even ever had this!", here's my first scarf!  Well... that's not entirely true.  My high school flame, Cindy Howell, who I was friends with in college, knitted me a scarf.  It was about 2 and 1/2 feet long, and barely covered my neck with any real purpose.  I used it when I could, but it barely qualified.  THIS was a real scarf, though... purchased from The Happiest Place in Montgomery Mall in like, 1997 or something... then again, if you remember that mall, there wasn't a lot of happiness anywhere there. You coulda got like, shot or something. 

Finally... here's a towel.  It has the name "CHAD" on it.  Neither one of us know a local Chad.  I know a Chad Ward from high school, but he's never been to any of my homes in Birmingham, and we haven't shared a towel since we had sleepovers in 6th grade.  We both know The Lovely Steph Leann's cousin Chad, but he lives in Pell City, and has never been to our house.  So... we have a towel with the name CHAD on it.  Chad, if you are reading this, and you realize you've been missing a towel, and you recognize this as your own, just send me a note soon, and we'll get this back to you.  Otherwise, its going to be donated.

 

Sharpies.  Lots and lots of Sharpies.  I breed them.  And here's a crop I forgot about... and The Lovely Steph Leann hates them all.

 

 

 

One of my Great 48 Tasks was to go through a load of pictures and get them scanned.  Well, here they are.  Though I'm considering getting a Groupon I just saw that will let some company scan over 500 pics for about $30... with my time as limited as it is, it might be worth it...

 

The Lovely Steph Leann and I honeymooned at Disney, with a few days in the park, and a few days on The Disney Wonder, cruising in the Caribbean.  And this glass is a result of one of her (few) fruity drinks she had.

 

 

So there ya go... some random crap I found in my garage.  Admit it, you found it slightly entertaining...

 
(3876 words down, 16,124 to go, on the road to 20K Words in January)



Jumping the Broom

One problem I faced while working at The Happiest Place in the Mall all those years ago (its been almost two years?  wow...) was defending the honor of Pixar... many times someone would come in asking for a piece of crap like "Valiant" or "Doogal" or "Happily N'Ever" after, and when I tell them that first of all, those movies suck, secondly, they are idiots for wanting those movies because their kids would never, ever want those movies (unless they are in a coma...) and third, those aren't Disney movies anyway, someone would invariably go "Oh, that's not a Pixar movie?  I thought it was."  After I punched them in the throat and begged them not to cast a ballot in the next presidential elections, I explained that no, those aren't Pixar.

No ma'am, "Doogal" is not Pixar.  Please get out of my store.  Don't ever
come back.  

Sidebar--"Valiant" is not a Disney film, per se--it was produced by British movie company Vanguard--it was released in the US by Walt Disney Pictures.  Full disclosure and all.

It is this same "guilty by only slightly similiar" mentality that I think plagued black filmmakers when doing comedies or black family movies.  Its quite possible that if I worked for the BET store in the mall, any and all black films that we sold would be immediately thought of as Tyler Perry movies, no matter what.  I personally have never seen a Tyler Perry movie, but only because I just never got to it.  I always thought "I Can Do Bad All By Myself" looked like an interesting story, but never enough to make me seek it out. 

And Tyler Perry has two camps... people who like 'em and people who don't.  Unfortunately for movies like "Jumping the Broom", I think people will avoid this because they think Medea is going to pop up somewhere out of a wedding cake... and thats sad, really, because this film is actually quite charming.

"Jumping the Broom" tells the story of a brotha', Jason (Laz Alonzo), who comes from a poorer side of town, and his fiance, Sabrina (Paula Patton), who comes from a well to do family that seemingly has a whole lotta money.  The movie takes place over the course of the weekend of their wedding, and not only shows the struggle of Jason and Sabrina, but also their mothers, Mrs. Taylor (Loretta Devine) and Mrs. Watson (Angela Bassett).  

Its a family movie, with TD Jakes playing a small role as the reverend, and even shows Sabrina doing her best to wait until marriage for she and Jason to consummate.  Kinda refreshing, actually.  Matter of fact, the names of God and Jesus are used frequently, and... okay, get ready for this... some of the characters... PRAY.  

Like, not silly, stupid, mocking prayers... but actually, talking to God, asking for help, giving praise kind of prayers.  

The ensemble cast also includes Julie Bowen (the token white girl, as a wedding coordinator in over her head), Gary Dourdan as Chef (its nice to see Warrick Brown getting some work after his untimely death on CSI), Romeo as a young Romeo no longer "Lil", and Mike Epps, as Uncle Willie Earl in a surprising role--he plays the wise, sage uncle.  The Lovely Steph Leann even said, "I expected Mike Epps to be the thug, but he's actually kinda cool in this..."

Paula Patton

The story is light and fun, it moves along quickly and has several great laughing moments, though I will say what Mrs. Taylor does towards the end of the movie isn't met with enough consequences--her actions are horrible, and I'd like to think in the real world, she would get flat out shunned from the wedding.  Just sayin'.

Anyway, the title itself comes from an old wedding ceremony custom where a new bride and groom literally jump over a broom-type article laid at the alter to officialize their union.

By the way, Paula Patton?  A great romantic comedy lead.  She was perfectly bratty in "Just Wright" and here, she's a great almost-bratty bride.  However, I'm really struggling with her as an action star in "Mission: Impossible: Ghost Protocol".

But we'll get to that review in a few posts.

Anyway, check out "Jumping the Broom", its worth the 90 minutes.

Finding Nemo (The Dave100 #98)

You take a story about an ocean, and a fish named Nemo with a gimpy fin.  Let him have an extremely overprotective father, let Nemo go missing, and let that father meet up with a short-term memory blue fish named Dory while in the hunt for Nemo. 

Then let your main voices be veteran actor Albert Brooks and talk show host, former American Idol failure and America's Favorite Lesbian Ellen DeGeneres. 

Toss it all in the hands of Pixar, and you've got a magnificent movie.  There is so much to love about "Finding Nemo", but perhaps the thing you have to appreciate, even if you find the story unappealing, is the visual aspects.  On HD, its absolutely glorious.  The colors are vibrant, the animation is superior, and taking away any Toy Story movies, this might be Pixar's crowning achievement.

As with all Pixar films, I saw this in the theater, then watched it off and on through the years, but I really began to dig and appreciate "Finding Nemo", beyond the normal "Yeah man, I like that film!" earlier this year. 

At The Happiest Place in the Mall (RIP), we had this big screen at the back of the store that showed stuff like Hannah Montana previews, Jonas Brother videos, random film clips from "Beauty & the Beast" and "Little Mermaid" and "Cinderella" and movie trailers for "G-Force" and the upcoming release of  "Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs" and so on... and we had to play these 30 to 45 minute videos all day. 

But...

...every now and again, we'd break the rules.  We'd break the rules by popping in a DVD, and sometimes, many times, it was "Finding Nemo", and we'd watch it while we doled out the magic.  And we'd quote the lines... and let me tell ya, all of us there, we all knew those lines.  We knew those lines..

"You know, for a clown fish, he really isn't that funny"
"He touched the butt"
"That's a big butt"
"Fish are friends, not food"
and of course... "Just keep swimming."

On a related note, "Finding Nemo: the Musical" is a must-see show/attraction when I go to Disney World, no question.  Sandy Plankton agrees.

The Dave100 in 2010

They say that "Third time's a charm", so I guess we'll find out, as this is my third attempt at doing what I'm about to do... list my 100 favorite films of all time.  You'd think it would be just as easy to throw up a list online, give you 100 titles and say, "Here ya go", but you know me better than that... out of the thousands and thousands of movies that are out there, to pick out a single century's worth of films, list them as my personal best, well that takes not just effort but each one deserves more than just a mention in a list.

The first attempt at the list itself was August of 2007.  After an introduction, here's what was ranked that summer...
100. Primary Colors... 99) Airplane!... 98) Dogma... 97) Rocky III... 96) Black Dog... 95) Spaceballs... 94) Galaxy Quest... 93) Lethal Weapon... 92) The Rock...

Then I got into college football, got into Christmas, we bought a house and life continued as normal--busy.  Summer of 2008 rolled around, and I wrote a re-introduction to The Dave100, and continued with these: 
91) The 40-Year Old Virgin... 90) Pure Country... 89) Jerry Maguire... 88) Cars... 87) Philadelphia.... 86) The Breakfast Club... 85) Braveheart... 84) National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation... 83) Return of the Jedi ... 82) Breakdown... 81) Gung Ho...

Then I stopped.  First, I took a job with The Happiest Place in the Mall, and added with Starbucks, put me working about 55 hours per week.  I barely had time to blog anything else, much less movies.  Didn't see The Lovely Steph Leann for days at a time, tired alot, and of course, then came another season of college football.

And between last summer and this summer, I started looking at the list.  With the addition of HBO, Showtime, Starz and the like to our DirecTV (and now Dish Network) package, I was able to watch, and re-watch (and sometimes re-watch and re-watch and re-watch) some movies, and it helped me remember how great they are.  And sometimes, how they just don't hold up, telling me my memories of such films romanticize how good they were, when they actually aren't that great.  "Gung Ho" is a prime example of a movie that I've seen a dozen times, but when I thought about it, compared to other movies, it didn't hold up... so, it got dropped.  "The Negotiator" and even Pixar's "Cars" got the same treatment.
And because its now been a few years since I started, because of some of my rules, I am able to include movies that came out in 2007, whereas before, I couldn't.  What rules?  Simple...

First, the movie has to be at least 3 years old.  I've seen lots of stellar movies in the last few years, movies like "The Dark Knight", "Wall*E", "Up in the Air", "Up", "The Proposal" and "My Life in Ruins", movies that I really, really like, but they are still fairly new.  Either I haven't seen them enough to know if they'll stick with me, or they were released in the last year or so, and I can't make a good judgement on how well they will hold up. 

Case in point... "Sunshine Cleaning".  I loved this film when I first saw it, with my favorite actress Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, and raved about it.  It was, and is, a great, great film.  I watched it recently on cable, over a year since I'd seen it the first time.  And?  It was good.  Not great.  I saw a few problems with it, I saw a few scenes that I didn't like as well, and though I'm sure I'll watch it again, if only for Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, it wouldn't rank in my The Dave100 films. 

Secondly, have I seen it enough times to be familiar with it?  Can I describe it to someone in pretty good detail. 

Third, there are the intangibles... those things that about a movie that make it your own...  will I watch it when it comes on cable?  Now that I have something like 50 or more channels devoted to movies, be it premium cable or AMC, Turner Classic Movies and the like, will it catch my attention for a least a little bit?  Are there characters, scenes, lines that resonate with me?  Even if the movie isn't critically acclaimed, is it a movie I can have fun with, and can watch over and over? 

This is what The Dave100 is all about.  You may like my movie choices, you may love them, or you may tell me how incredibly bored you were with my selections (and my posts on them).  Or you can come up with a list of your own...  but, and I'm making no promises on how fast I can get it down, here are my favorite 100 movies of all time.

35 Things for 35 Years

"And the white line's getting longer and the saddle's getting cold, I'm much too young to feel this dadgum old.  All my cards are on the table with no ace left in the hole, I'm much too young to feel this cotton-pickin' old" -- Garth Brooks


So, as I sit here in my easy chair in The Cabana, new big screen playing one of my favorite movies of all time, the time has passed, that time being 815p.  I'm now officially 35 years old, officially in my mid-thirties.  The years have been good to me, I'm blessed beyond any form of measure, from my upbringing, to my mother taking care of me, to my grandparents adopting me and giving me all that I needed (and a few things I wanted)

So here's my rundown, year by year, of some things I'm blessed with and happy for in all my 35 years.

1975
My mother giving birth.  And keeping me.  That's awesome.

1976
The year that Stephanie was born.  Yeah, I could go with her later on, since I won't meet her for another 25 years, but I'm pretty happy for 1976.

1977
Star Wars is released.  What a great film, what a great

1978
"Garfield" makes it debut.  Who doesn't love Garfield?

1979
The Muppet Movie.  The Muppet Show.  And my affinity for the Muppets begins.

1980
The Empire Strikes Back, one of the greatest films of all time, and one of my first real movie-going experiences.

1981
Adoption is a great, great thing.

1982
"A Dog Called Kitty" by Bill Wallace.  Released in 1980, this was my favorite book as a child.

1983
Scarecrow & Mrs. King.  Man, I loved this show.

1984
Samson, baby!  From Austin, Texas, to what would become my own little home town....

1985
Chris McCall, my first real Samson friend at Samson Elementary School. 

1986
Tonya Windham.  Had to mention her. 

1987
Greg Avant.  Completing my Triad of BFFs in Samson, Greg and I go waaay back.  I saw a ton of really crappy movies with him, riding in this little LTD Ford that, were you to wash it and remove the clay and dirt, would leave nothing but two seats and a steering wheel.

1988
Rush Limbaugh hits the airwaves as a nationally syndicated radio program.  And good thing too, because not only was Clinton around the corner, but He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected was down the pike.

1989
Hollywood Studios!  Yay! Even though it was 18 more years before I could visit, at least it was open!

1990
Discovered the Interweb, sitting at Greg Avant's house.  He had this thing on his little black screened, orange lettered computer called "Prodigy".  We looked up movie reviews.  It tapped into his phone line.  Completely weird.  We were on it for like, five hours.  And I'm sure the phone bill that month at the Avant house was larger than normal.

1991
What a year for movies!  "Silence of the Lambs"... "New Jack City"... "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves"... "The Last Boy Scout"... "T2: Judgement Day"... "Beauty & the Beast"... "Boyz in the Hood"... "Dead Again"... and I'm sure I saw a bunch of them with Greg at some point.

1992
"I'd Die Without You" by PM Dawn is released, off of one of my favorite random album, the soundtrack to the movie "Boomerang".  This would be my favorite song for the next 16 years, only to be slightly replaced by "Possession" from Sarah McLachlan.



1993
Troy State University!  Go Trojans! 

1994
Wookiee.  Wookiee.  Wookiee.

1995
A few days into the year, I met up with Reggie McAllister at a Farmhouse Fraternity Party.  And there, the seed was planted... and a few hours later, in my bedroom at 3am, I accepted Christ as my own Savior.  And the road has been awesome. 

1996
The BCM.  And this is where I would meet some of the most important people in my life, like Jenn Mullturp, Shelby, Troy Mac, Rad a Tad, Hinson and more. 

1997
Farmhouse Fraternity.  Never been a Greek kind of guy, but I did love the social aspect and brotherhood in my frat.

1998
Birmingham!  I just figured out, like, just now, that I have lived in Birmingham, AL, longer than I have lived anywhere else in my entire life.  Seriously... Orlando for two or three years, Austin for about five or six, Samson for nine, Troy for five

1999
Valleydale BAPTIST Church.  It has always been an sbc fellowship, however. 

2000
The Deuce is founded.  Life changing experience.

2001
Common Ground.  It was a church ministry for those in-betweeners who had just left college and really had nowhere to go, and for those in college.  I guess "College & Career" would be more like it, but "Common Ground" sounded better.

2002
WalkAbout.  The drama team of middle schoolers that have enhanced my life in every possible way.

2003
Starbucks.  I loved my job then, I love it now.

2004
Married my life partner, soul mate, best friend. 

2005
My iPod.  Has revolutionized how I listen to music, and finally introduced me to podcasts. 

2006
This site.  Now, I know it started in 2005, but it really got going this year. 

2007
Dave Ramsey.  What can I say?  His plan is difficult. But it works.  We're proof.

2008
Disney.  I loved that job.  I miss it. 

2009
Steven & Calah Ray.  We love these guys, always good for dinner at Mellow Mushroom.

2010
MZ.  My manager and very, very dear friend, and I count it a blessing and honor to have her as both.

This is by no means a comprehensive list... there were a dozen things or more in some years I could have listed.  So, there are 35 things for 35 years, random things I like, love, count as blessings and favorites. 

I'll leave you with this... the video for Toby Keith's "Ain't As Good As I Once Was"...



I used to be Hell on wheels... back when I was younger man, now my body says 'You can't do this boy', but my pride says 'Oh, yes you can.'  I ain't as good as I once was, that's just the cold hard truth.  I still throw a few back, talk a little smack when I'm feeling bullet proof.  So don't double dog dare me now, 'cause I'd have to call your bluff.  I ain't as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was.


Maybe not be good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was...

Burn Baby Burn (Starbucks Inferno)

Don't ever let anyone tell you that Starbucks does not have hot coffee.  In fact, hearing about the woman who is suing Starbucks in NYC because she was served tea that was "unreasonably hot in containers which are not safe", I can't help but think that our drinks are nothing but hot.

Opened this particular morning at Starbucks, there around 5:20, getting set for a 6am Saturday opening time.  Things went accordingly, and around 610, MZ comes in bringing a batch of doughnuts to fill everyone's stomachs and cellulite.  I went to grab an urn of our bold coffee, this week being Three Regions Blend, and that's when everything happened. 

Our urns are metal, with plastic tops, and on the top there is a handle on each side to grasp it with.  I put a hand on each handle, pulled it out and somehow, my right hand slipped.  The urn pivoted in my left hand, practically turned upside down, the lid came off and a gush of what can only be described as 190-200 degree coffee comes pouring out... right onto my right foot.

I dropped the urn, it landed with a thud, I hopped on my left foot and yanked off both my right shoe and then right sock, now soaked in hot coffee.  This all happened in a matter of 2 seconds.  Maybe 3. 

And man oh man, it burned.  Like you would not believe.  In hindsight, I would have gone to the sink, rinsed off my leg and foot with cool water, dried it off and applied some burn cream immediately.  Then wrap it as best I can and then carry on.

What did I do?  Dried off the coffee, massaged the wound for a minute, put my shoe on and went back to work.  Mopped up the spilled coffee, and began to deal with an injured foot while working.  It had already started to blister...

MZ came shouting from the back, holding up a coffee stained sock, "Who left their sock in the floor?!  This is a violation!  We could get in trouble for this!"   I hobbled over to her, "It was me.  I uh.. spilled coffee... on my leg.  Sorry about the sock.  We can probably throw it away."   

MZ's motherly instinct took over, as she looked at my foot with several, "Are you okay?" and "Can I help?" and "What do you need?"  That's why I work for MZ.  She takes care of me.

I got some burn cream, put it on the already fast rising blister(s) on my right foot.  The next five hours were uncomfortable, but manageable.  I quickly adapted to pivoting on my left foot, keeping the weight off of my right.  I had a Starbucks hand towel in my shoe serving as a wrap, using Scotch tape to keep it around my ankle.   At one point, while making a drink, I even sang, "Burn baby burn... Starbucks inferno... burn baby burn, burn that coffee down..."  A customer said, "You should do a dance for that!" and I kindly replied, "Oh, not this morning."

Because I've just finished The Happiest Place in the Mall, and won't have enough hours to get Starbucks benefits until about July, I have no insurance.  You'd think this would be the time I'd wish everyone would have insurance all the time, but no.   But as it is, I had to get it looked at, so I had to suck it up and go somewhere.  MZ was kind enough to let me go early (keeping Garrett on the floor--thanks Garrett!) and around noon, I headed across the highway to American Family Care.

The American Family Care on Highway 280 is located down on the southern end of the main drag of Hoover.  Its before you get to Lee Branch and the mountain, but past the 119 junction.  I've been to one "Doc in a Box" before, back in 2003, also when I had no health insurance.  Back then I was running a high fever and could barely walk... turns out I had strep throat.  Then, as now, I worked anyway cause I got bills to pay.  That Family Care, or whatever it was then/now, was on Hwy 31, close to 65, and was reasonably clean and speedy, and served its purpose. 

This AFC was extremely nice.  The lobby was very nice, comfy chairs, the attendant at the front was very pleasant, and the practitioner was great as well.  Her name was Alice, and she was a little Asian girl who I had a hard time understanding.  She took my vitals, asked lots of questions and make a few jokes that I could barely understand.  I only knew she was joking when she laughed after she said whatever she had said.  I chuckled too, just for posterity.

By the time my right foot had been doctored, there were seven burn blisters, including one huge, bubbling blister covering my ankle.  It was at least an inch thick, and in a rectangular shape--I'm not kidding when I say it was about two inches wide, and about four inches long.  And when I walked, I could feel the fluids inside of it move.  It was kinda creepy.

Another girl came in, took a look at it and told me that it was a 2nd degree burn and that I would be just find.  Alice would be back in shortly.

Alice came back in carrying with her a pile of gauze, an Ace bandage type wrap and... a small scalpel.  She placed a small, blue towel under my foot, then poured peroxide over it and wiped it down to clean it.  She said, in broken English, that she had to lacerate the blisters and drain them.  She told me it wouldn't hurt, and it didn't.  She lightly touched the sharp tip of the scalpel to the surface, and my blister was like a geyser, a fountain of fluids.  It shot through the air in a large arch, like a small child spitting water into a cup.  She pressed the blister down, and it did hurt a little as she got closer to the skin, but not too bad.  She repeated the same process onto the other blisters, each providing their own little water show.

Alice drained all the fluids, leaving my foot in a big pile of peroxide, blister fluid and burn cream atop a blue towel, and then she pulled out a jar of Silver Sulfadiazine, which as best I could tell, looked like a jar of... well, a jar of Kraft's Jet-Puffed Marshmallow Creme.  Okay, the jar didn't look like it, but what was inside looked like it.  She used a tongue depressor stick and slathered it all over my ankle, then carefully wrapped it up in gauze and the bandage.  And, just like that, I hobbled back to the front to pay. 

The pay wasn't bad--about $72 or so, and the attendant at the front told me that everyone loved Alice (apparently, she has a great reputation for giving shots--she spanks the person, then puts the needle in.  No joke).  Went back to the store for a few minutes, went to CVS for my prescription, then got home around 1:30. 

A few minutes ago--8pm--I pulled off the outer bandage.  The Lovely Steph Leann had this "uuggh" look on her face.  Even though there are two pieces of gauze still on my foot, being held on by the sticky sulfadiazine, its red all around.  I'll pull the gauze off in a little while and wash off my foot.

But... what I dread?  That shower in the morning.  Oh em gee that's going to hurt.

What Happened (The Happiest Place Finale Part IV)

 (to read the posts I've written concerning our closing, you can read:

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs:  The Happiest Place Finale Part I
Cold Blooded : The Happiest Place Finale II
The Last Weekend:  The Happiest Place Finale Part III 
 
WHAT'S NEXT FOR d$
Funny thing happened on Tuesday morning, though.  The sun came up.  And later that night, while I was driving the county highways between Samson and Enterprise on the way to Po Folks to meet up with some friends for dinner, the sun was setting.  And Wednesday?  The sun came up again.  The world kept turning, as I knew it would.
 
The next immediate step for me was easy... taking a few days off.  I had already informed The Lovely Steph Leann that after the store closed, I was taking a few days for myself.  I went back to Samson to see Mama $ for a day, I did some stuff around the house like painting baseboards, I ran some errands, finished a book ("Under the Dome" by Stephen King--amazing) and started another that I had to stop because it creeped me out ("The Regulators" by Richard Bachman), renegotiated our DirecTV rate, watched "Con Air" about 4 times, along with "Wall*E", "Cast Away", "Clear & Present Danger" and several other movies as a result of those renegotiations, and slept.  Alot.  Why?  Because I could.  
 

The Happiest Place in the Mall, in full glory at Christmas of 2008

My next step is Starbucks.  I've been with the company for awhile, and I'm very blessed to have a great relationship with MZ, the manager.  She is a dear friend, and she is great to me when it comes to helping me with my schedule... I've committed through the summer, so we'll see what happens from there.  Who knows.
 
As far as where we are, let me just say that The Lovely Steph Leann and I are very, very blessed.  We are by no means rich, unless you ask those who would like to tax us, but we're doing fine.  This is one of the reasons we are debt free--not to just to enjoy the freedom of not owing anyone anything, but also to be ready if one of us loses a job, or has a major pay cut... and that's what happened.  Don't worry about us, though... we'll be just fine. 
 
Alright, before the big question, let's answer some quick questions that were commonly asked... and I'll give you pretty much the questions as they were asked...

"Our store in Huntsville/Montgomery closed recently closed!  Are all the Disney Stores closing?"
First, your store in Huntsville closed almost 2 years ago.   The Disney Stores, though owned by Walt Disney, were sold to The Children's Place retail in the early part of the decade--and it did, in fact, save TDS chain.  But when The Children's Place put TDS up for sale, Walt Disney, in a much better position to do so in 2008 than in 2000, bought them back.  And as part of that change over from TCP back to Disney, about 98 stores-including Huntsville--were closed.  That closing has nothing to do with this closing.   Right now, they are closing about 22 stores, maybe 25, I dunno, for various reasons, including under-performing... you'll find out about our store by reading below.   As for that store in Montgomery, it closed like, 8 years ago.  Stop calling yourself a Disney Store fan.

"Are y'all relocating?  Where y'all going?"
No, we are not relocating.  Those who can do it are transferring to either other stores, or to the parks in Orlando.... well, one Cast Member is going to Orlando.  The rest are just losing their jobs, including myself.

The Happiest Place in the Mall, one week after closing.  Stuck the camera through the metal gate and snapped this photo.  The Lovely Steph Leann and I went by the mall the other day, and the guy who runs the nearby Cheap Sunglasses Kiosk, The Reverend Pimp Daddy, saw us looking at the empty store.  "It done closed.  Shame, too," said The Reverend Pimp Daddy.  I feel the same.

"What y'all doing with that stuff up top?"
Goes back to the company.  Ask me for further explanation when I am not writing it.  Because as Ferb says, "The internet is forever."

"Why are y'all closing?"
That is the question you want to know, isn't it?

WHY WE CLOSED 
Let me be up front here... anything I say is only my opinion.  There is nothing I've read, there is nothing I've heard, there is nothing that I will share that should be construed as speaking for The Walt Disney Company, the Disney Store, or any other entity involved.   Also, there is nothing that I say that should be taken as gospel... again, this is only what I can guess.  And... I'm not going to share everything I know.  Why?  Because the bridges I've built with The Happiest Place in the Mall are precious, and should not be burned. 

To be clear: I don't officially know what happened.  And I probably will never know.  I just give what I think happened based on my own experiences and observations.
 
I have three theories on what might have happened to our magical place of employment.
 
THEORY #1:  THE MALL SUCKS
This is kind of a case of the theory being proved true, cause really, General Growth Properties, who owns The Riverchase Galleria, does, in fact, suck.  Our closing is not necessarily a reflection on the sucktitude of GGP, they will probably continue to bathe in sucktivity long after we are gone, but if Theory #1 is to be believed, then their suckocity added to our demise.
 
I'm guessing all malls work the same way to a point, but when a mall wants to get rid of someone, they raise the rent.  Some businesses refuse to pay, they leave, then the mall can get in whoever they want.  Right now, the hot part of the Galleria is the Sears end... head to the other end, and you got stores like Spencers and Lidz and a few others like such... its got a reputation for more of a "thug" type  go towards Sears, on our end of the food court, the higher end, higher quality stores like Gap, Talbots, Vikki's Secret, The Children's Place and of course, us. 
 
Essentially, we sent the mall a lease, they rejected it.  They've done similar things to other stores... I talked to someone at a shoe store in the Galleria, and they said they had sent a lease to the mall based on fair market value, and it was rejected in lieu of wanting 50% more.   Another store I know of was asked for 75% more.  When the mall wants you gone, they get you gone, or you pay a high price to be there.
 
This theory basically states that mall wanted us gone.  We were a thorn in their side.  We had dozens, sometimes hundreds of boxes on our back dock on a daily basis, we kept driving our U-Haul truck to the sidewalk to load up, they cited us for cardboard in the trash dumpster (which is a whole other ridiculous story)... perhaps they were just ready for us to get out.  And in their incompetence, it happened.
 
THEORY #2:  MICKEY WANTED US GONE
This one is a hard pill to swallow... I mean, for a job that we all loved so much, no one wanted to admit or believe that it was our own company who sold us out.  We were one of the top stores in the company of, at the time, 210+ stores, so if they wanted us closed, it would have to be a good reason.
 
What if they wanted us closed for a while?  You can't justify closing one of your top stores, so what if... what if they just sent a lease to the mall, one that was so ridiculous, that the mall itself would not and could not entertain accepting.  They reject it, Disney throws their hands up and says, "Whoops.  Guess we're out!"  I mention this theory really to play devil's advocate, just to be fair.
 
THEORY #3:  BECAUSE THE MALL SUCKS, MICKEY SAID "WE OUT"
Here's what I think happened.  The Disney Stores have unveiled a new store design that will end up integrating into every Disney Store across the country.  They'll pour about a million dollars into each one, turning it from a magical little store to an Apple-esque interactive magical experience.
 
And we, our Happiest Place in the Mall, the oldest store in the company, would get one of those re-dos at some point.  It might be years down the line, but we'd get one.  Back when Just For Feet was a mega-company, they had a huge store right in the middle of our food court... rumor, unsubstantiated but plausible, had it that Disney lobbied for that spot but was unable to secure it.
 
So what does Disney do with us?  We're a store that will have to be renovated, certainly, but we need a bigger space.  Add in the fact that only one side of the mall is even desirable, and Disney has limited options all around.  Not to mention they are dealing with a mall that is... well, owned by a bankrupt bunch of suits.  It doesn't help when negotiations for a new lease break down, and the mall just flat out rejects the lease agreement sent forth by Disney. 
 
The Disney Store has two options... pay the price asked for, or close up shop.  Pay the price, keep a money making, successful store open, but when the remodeling comes to Birmingham, there are a whole new set of problems... bigger location needed, relocation of the store, transfer of Cast Members, transfer of merchandise... not to mention they've had to deal with a mall giving them grief at every turn, and might possibly be locked into a long term lease they cannot move around in.
 
Or, close up shop.  It will be a little painful at the beginning, but remove themselves entirely of the Birmingham market, step back, and when the time is right--if it ever is--go in fresh, go where they want, hire the Cast Members wanted, and do the new store design from scratch.  All the merchandise will be brand new, all the CMs will be brand new, the store will be brand new... and The Happiest Place in the Mall will be forgotten as it once was, replaced by the Most Magical Coolest Place in the Mall.
 
Yes, yes, there is The Summit, an outdoor mall that is the style of the new trend of malls in the last decade or so.  Its possible The Happiest Place could open there... but I don't think so.  The Disney Store is an indoor-type store, a stroller store, a place where moms and dads bring their kids.  Not a lot of strollers when its July and 98, or when its January and 31 in the sun, or when its driving down rain. 
 
The bright spot is the possible takeover of GGP.  Simon Malls, owner of such malls as Town Center in Kennesaw, GA, is trying to buy GGP.  And from what I understand, Disney and Simon Malls are like, besties.  If that is the case, and Simon Malls buys out GGP, becoming the new owners of The Riverchase Galleria, then who knows?

These are my theories, and what I believe.  And I'm probably a thousand percent off base.  And that's okay too... I'm not important enough to know whats up.

THE FINALE
Another chapter in life, another "season" if you will--and its been a magical season, hasn't it?--has finished.  Clouds in My Coffee has not only been fun, but also therapeutic for me... for some of you who have been longtime sippers of the written Coffee, you might remember my struggle, or lack thereof, to leave NBC13, which put me at Starbucks as a career path.  And many of you remember my struggle to leave Starbucks (Between a Mouse and a Bean Place), and also when I finally did leave Starbucks management for The Walt Disney Company (Taking the Mouse, Leaving the Bean Place, which also deals with a closing).

For me personally, if I'm being totally honest, I'm glad its finally over.  Don't get me wrong, I'd much rather be discussing how I'm overworked by doing both The Happiest Place and Starbucks, and the decisions about what to do... as it is, I'm full time coffee now.  Its hard, though, because if we were closed due to lack of sales, we would hate it, but we could look to ourselves and say, "We didn't get the job done."  But our closing was due to circumstances beyond our control, which is the hardest pill to swallow. 

I loved my job so dearly.  I loved going to work.  I loved seeing the people I saw every day.  The store had true magic, magic to make people smile, to turn grown men and women into little kids by saying to themselves or whoever would listen, "When I was little, I would come in here and..."  The Cast Members were magical.  We cared about one another, like a family, like a bunch of brothers and sisters.  We are like an orphanage now, one that has shut down and has sent all the kids to live with brand new parents, some great (like my new "parents"), some not so great.  I was blessed to not only have one job, but two jobs that I love and am happy to be a part of--The Disney Store and Starbucks.  So, while I'm sad, broken hearted if you will, that I lose one, I'm very happy and excited that I have the other waiting for me. 

People are always saying that change is a good thing. But all they're really saying is that something you didn't want to happen at all... has happened. My store closed last week.  I work in a magical store, did I ever tell you that? It's a lovely store, and in a week it'll be something really depressing, like an Al-Queda run toy store.  Soon, it'll be just a memory. In fact, someone, some foolish person, will probably think it's a tribute to the Riverchase Galleria, the way it keeps changing on you, the way you can never count on it, or something. I know because that's the sort of thing I'm always saying. But the truth is... I'm heartbroken. I feel as if a part of me has died, my Cast has died, and no one can ever make it right.

And with that, head high and smiling, I leave the Mouse and take the Bean Place.

The Last Weekend (The Happiest Place Finale III)

People are always saying that change is a good thing. But all they're really saying is that something you didn't want to happen at all... has happened. My store is closing this week. I own a store, did I ever tell you that? It's a lovely store, and in a week it'll be something really depressing, like a Baby Gap. Soon, it'll be just a memory. In fact, someone, some foolish person, will probably think it's a tribute to this city, the way it keeps changing on you, the way you can never count on it, or something. I know because that's the sort of thing I'm always saying. But the truth is... I'm heartbroken. I feel as if a part of me has died, and my mother has died all over again, and no one can ever make it right.

This is the piece of dialogue that immediately came to mind from the very moment I heard Higher Up say those (un)magical words, "I'm here to tell you that your store is closing." Its a line from one of my top ten favorite movies of all time, "You've Got Mail". Kathleen Kelley's bookstore, "The Shop Around the Corner" has finally closed, mostly due to lack of business because of the recent opening of book megastore Fox Books. Kathleen is AOL IM'ing (remember, this is 1998, hence the name of the movie) NY152 with her story. I decided that when I wrote my last The Happiest Place in the Mall post, this would be the monologue I would lead with.

And that time is now.

THE FINAL WEEKEND
Our store is closed. During the final week, our store had a 40% off sale going those first few days, and on Monday, we began to empty walls. Mostly the back corners that weren't very visible from the front of the store. By week's end, the back walls of the store was empty. When I closed the store on Friday night, we had moved tables to block off the famed Plush Mountain and all that surrounded it.

On Saturday morning, Charlotta came in, as did Bo Peep and Hollipop, then Snow White.  Baloo and Grumpy joined us later.  And the store was open one final time. The crowd came in fast and furious, buying handfuls and armfuls and bagfuls of basketfuls of stuff, this time at an additional 75% off. Irena, a guest who I had known from previous visits, had purchases amassing over $400, but when the discount came in, her final bill was around $130.

Slowly but surely, all of the sweatshirts were on stage. Then were gone. All of the t-shirts were on stage. Then were bought. All of the Sharpay bedroom playsets were on stage. Then were bought. All of the Hannah Montana dolls, all of the Wall*E action figures, all of the mini-snowglobes... all on stage, then all gone.

By the end of the day, this was The Happiest Place in the Mall.  High School Musical water bottles, some Camp Rock picture frames and a few other things that are out of the pic.  This was taken right inside the doorway of the store.

The tables we were using to keep people from going towards the now empty back of the store were moving farther and farther to the center of the store. Snow White and I spent most of the morning pulling out cases of merchandise from backstage, unpacking it then putting it onstage, where much of it would be snatched up almost immediately.

HOLD THIS
One lady came to me, shoving a shirt, a few Cars notebooks and a Hannah Montana doll in my hand. The line was at least 20 people deep, wrapping around much of the store, and she asked me to hold the merchandise. I told her that we couldn't hold it, much like I had told Mom 1 and Mom 2, and that we just wouldn't... and she cut me off, saying she only needed 15 minutes, she needed to go meet someone, can we just hold it for 15 minutes, please please, and I said, "Fine. Fifteen minutes. And then it has to go back out."

So, a quarter of an hour later, maybe a little more, Charlotta calls to me from behind the box office... "d$! Please get this stuff out of here! I'm tripping all over it!" I said, "Yep" and I grabbed it. Before I could take two steps, a gentleman in line said, "I'll take those notebooks!" I nodded and handed them over. I put back the sweatshirt and the Hannah Montana doll. And of course, a few minutes later, the woman comes back in. I simply said, "I'm sorry ma'am, we had to put it back out." She huffed, she rolled her eyes and walked away. On a normal day, I would have been concerned--actually, on a normal day, we would have held the stuff for her--but today? Our last day of business... its gone. No concern. That sounds terrible, doesn't it? Sorry. Only a little. I was nice about, though.

Hollipop and Bo Peep worked feverishly ringing up merchandise for people, Charlotta was bagging stuff as quick as possible... the line grew and grew, with no end in sight. And after about four hours, the end was in sight. The front two walls had stuff on them, a few walls next to them did, a few tables had some items... and that was it. The store was coming to an end. Around 4pm, my time on the floor was done, and I clocked out.

I went into the bathroom, and I unbuttoned my red The Disney Store shirt for the final time. I took it off, laid it on a nearby shelf, and slipped on a t-shirt that I had brought. I gathered my bag, put in my iPod headphones and then slipped out.

THE FINAL DAY
The next day was clean up/party day. I came in around 1pm, helped take down the shelving units that for 21 years had been filled to the rafters with Mickey Mouse, Goofy, Handy Manny, Lizzie Maguire, Aladdin, The Lion King and more. In fact, Lion King stuff was what The Lovely Steph Leann got when she stopped by there in 2003 as part of her engagement day/scavenger hunt.

The shelving was down, I went into the now empty big room that was the stage, with all the empty fixtures shoved off to the side, the empty shelves on the walls collecting dust. The computers were turned off, the black screen of plastic over the main gates and windows. Outside we could even hear some people--kids too--wondering what happened, wondering why The Disney Store was there.

(My buddy Langer just sent me a FB chat message that said 'Hey... my daughter and I went by to see the abyss that was The Happiest Place...')

This past weekend, my friend The Freckled (Re)Becca told me she and her hubby, Bobowen, went by the mall, and some small child was standing in front of The Emptiest Place in the Mall, wailing loudly because he couldn't understand why he couldn't go in. I told The Freckled (Re)Becca that the kid should have gone and wailed in front of the mall manager's office. But... we'll get to that.

Let me finish the weekend... Sunday afternoon, I got ready for the closing party that night, working on things like trivia questions, setting up a prize wall we had for the Cast Members, helping the Magical Manager get ready for what she had planned... around 4:30, the Cast began to show up, one by one. Fauna, Flora, Merriweather. Snow White. Lady Kluck. Bo Peep (featured with me in the pic above). Hollipop. Charlotta. Baloo.  Grumpy.  Dinner. Pictures. Prizes. Videos. Trivia. Games. Memories. And... goodbyes.

THE REALITY OF IT ALL

Let's be real. I'd love to tell you I'll keep up with all of these people, these that I shared 40+ hours per week with for almost two years. I'd love to say that I'll be meeting them for lunch, or Facebooking or calling or whatever... but we all know that tends to go by the wayside as time goes by. People took other jobs, or are back in school, or are retiring, or are just staying at home with kids now... so when I say "goodbyes", I mean it for the most part. Perhaps not completely, but mostly. I'm under no illusions that I'll ever see at least half of these people again. Because that's what happens when the job you love ends. No, not there yet, just be patient.

After the party was over, I met up with Snow White and Hollipop at Sonic, where we enjoyed a few more laughs before saying goodbye again. Afterwards, I got in my car and drove back to The Cabana. The Lovely Steph Leann had already left for a weeklong business trip in Thomaston, GA, so I was alone. In the quiet of my home, I sat on my couch, not turning on the interweb, not turning on the television, not even turning on the iPod... I just sat quietly. I sighed, leaned back and just sat for a few minutes.

And, around 11am or so on Monday morning, I drove up to the Galleria parking lot, parked and walked into the back door of The Happiest Place in the Mall. I said hello to the Magical Manager and on the desk, I laid my Silver Pass (re: admission pass), the Silver Pass held by The Lovely Steph Leann, my Disney ID Card and my store key. And then... I left.

It was over. I was no longer employed by The Walt Disney Company.

Originally, this post here was to be much longer, but I realized it was too long, and would be better served by breaking this final Happiest Place post into 2 parts...  because its already written, its still one post--just in two parts.  Well, okay, its two posts, but the same column.  What I mean is... uh... okay... 

So, check back tomorrow when you'll get the answer to the question "Why did you close?" and "What's next?", or at least the answer I can give you...

Cold Blooded (The Happiest Place Finale Part II)

I'd also like to note two things... first, this is the 600th Post on Clouds in My Coffee.  Second, sometime between this post and the next one, more than likely the 3rd and final part of the Happiest Place Finale, this page will hit 40,000 clicks.  And in about 6 weeks, Clouds in My Coffee will be celebrating five years in existence.  So, for giving me a reason to write 600 articles, for coming to this page 40,000 times and for making this at least popular enough to last five years... thank you, Coffee Drinker, thank you so, so very much. 

And it is also a credit to you that you've shared with me not only getting the job at The Happiest Place in the Mall, but also coming with me until the end... but more on that part next time.  For now, this is the 2nd of my 3 Part Happiest Place Finale... the first, entitled "Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs" can be found by clicking here. 

As we wrap up, I thought I'd share with you a few stories from The Happiest Place...

"THIS AIN'T THE MAGIC KINGDOM"
I'm behind the box office counter with Bo Peep, I believe.  Two moms--I say moms because they look to be about their mid-30s, and they struck me as sisters--had just finished buying a whole lot of stuff.  Mom 1 had three bags worth of merchandise, Mom 2 had only one, but all bags were the large green bags, all full to the edges of stuff.

Mom 1 and Mom 2 were just as pleasant as they could be... and why not?  They had both just saved a bunch of money.  Not by switching to Geico, mind you, but by buying all their stuff at our then-25% off the entire store clearance sale.

Let me backtrack and explain one of our unwritten policies real quick... we don't hold merchandise.  Well, to be exact, as non-closing store, we can hold an unpurchased item for you if you are on your way, or will be to our store in 24 hours or less. Its really up to the manager, and usually, if you were nice to me, I'd be willing to hold it a little longer. 

After you purchase it though, its all yours.  I don't like to hold stuff that you've bought because you don't want to walk to your car--a host of reasons, really... namely, if something happens to it, we're on the hook for it.  If you don't come back that day, or forget about it, then we've got a bag of stuff that is paid for that we don't know what to do with.  Not to mention our store isn't all that big, so frankly, we just don't have the room for it.

I remember getting really irritated over Christmas, as some guests would ask us to hold stuff for, in their words, "just a few minutes while we run to the food court" or "let me run next door to take Junior to the bathroom" or "can you please just hold this for 30 minutes?" and... well, four hours later, we'd have it piled up behind our counter.

So now that our store is closing, we've taken the mentality of "If you don't buy it, someone else will."  That sounds horrible, I know, but with the chaos that overtook our store in our final weeks, we just did not have the space to hold bags for people. 

Back to our story.  Mom 1 and Mom 2 had their bags, M1 holding her three, M2 holding her one, when M1 looked at Bo Peep and said, "Would you mind holding this for us while we go shopping?"  Usually, they give us the "bathroom" or "meet someone" or "food court" line, but she was just straight up.  They wanted to leave their bags with us while they went shopping.  Bo Peep paused, then looked over at me with a "What should I tell them?" expression.

If I know there might be an issue, I usually try to step in early so if the guests get angry, they get angry at me, not my Cast Members, and this of course, is what happened.  "Ma'am," I said with a smile, "I'm sorry, we just aren't allowed to hold anything right now."

It was as if Mom1 had a split personality, and Unreasonable Mom stepped in for Happy Mom, in a matter of tenths of a second.  "I'm sorry?" she asked.  "You can't hold this for us?"

"No ma'am, I'm sorry.  We just don't have the room to hold purchased merchandise."
"BUT THIS IS YOUR MERCHANDISE!" she almost shouted.  What I wanted to say was, "Actually, its YOUR merchandise..." but I bit my tongue.
"I'm really sorry, but our policy doesn't allow us to hold merchandise right now.  Our store is closing and we just don't have the room to keep up with it."
"You mean to tell me I can't just set this behind your counter?" Mom 1 asked, lifting up the three bags with some strain.  Mom 2 stood silent, watching.
"Ma'am, we have about 180 boxes on our back dock at this moment, and nearly all of it will come to the floor.  Not only do we not have the room, we can't be responsible for it either."

Mom 1 turned to Mom 2.  "Well, we should just return all of this.  We could come back and buy it later."
Mom 2, who looked like she just wanted to leave, replied, "Yeah, I guess we could."
Mom 1 turned back to me.  "What if I just return all of this right here?"
I smiled, and in a really-not-being-sarcastic tone, said, "Yes ma'am, you could.  Bo Peep would be happy to do that for you, as I assume you have your receipt.  I would have to put it back on the shelves though."
Mom 1 gave me a very, very unkind scowl.  She turned to Mom 2, who said, "Well, Mom 1.  Do you want to return it?  I'm going to keep mine, but you can if you want."

Mom 1 turned around and started walking out, with Mom 2 behind her.  Then I heard Mom 1 say, "Terrible customer service.  Can you believe this?  You can tell we are in ALABAMA!"  Mom 2 added, "Well, this isn't the Magic Kingdom, ya know."

I looked at Bo Peep and she looked back and me.  I said, though not loud enough for WonderMoms to hear me, "Magic Kingdom wouldn't hold it either.  They'd send it to the front of the park.  Guess I could have volunteered to set it by the mall doors for them."  Bo Peep laughed.

THE SWEATSHIRT HAGGLE
It is funny to me when people haggle over a sale price.  Granted, I've done it before at like, Best Buy, on a high priced item, and sometimes it works--thanks Dave Ramsey!

But when the original price of something is $14.50 and you are getting it for $3.99, then taking an additional 40% off of that... there's not much I can do for you, really.  Thus the lady at the sweatshirts found out for herself.

On our table there were 2 different Cars sweatshirts.  One had just Lightnin McQueen, the other had McQueen and Mater on it.  The one with just Lightnin was a dollar less, as it was an older style.  Because we had neither the time nor resources to go and tag every sweatshirt, we put them all on the table with a $3.99 price point... if you picked up one that was red-tagged a little lower, than awesome for you. 

She stood, looking at the different styles, and said in broken English, "Why... why is different... why different shirts?"  I said slowly--not because she was stupid, but to articulate clearly--"Well, they are two different styles.  That one is a little older, so its a little less."

"You give me both for smaller price?"
"Say again?"
"You give me..." she picks up the higher priced shirt, "...this for same price as this..." she picks up older style.
"I'm sorry, I can't do that.  They are both on sale for a great price, one is just a dollar more than the other."
"So... you can no give me lower price on both?"
"No ma'am."

Another lady of what looked to be Middle Eastern descent came in a few days later, and went straight to the Power Rangers soccer balls.  Originally $12.50, they were on sale for $5.99, and then take an additional 25% off, making it $4.74 plus tax.   She looked at the price sign, then tapped me on the arm. 

"Excuse me," she said, "this is the price on these?"
I looked directly at the sign that said POWER RANGERS, then the white strip under it that read "$4.99", then directly at the tag on the sign that said, "TAKE AN ADD'L 25%!"  I then said, "Yes ma'am, its $4.99, then take an additional 25% off."
"I need four."
"Well, awesome," I smiled, pointing to the fixture by where she was standing. "There are five right there, you can get your four, and have an extra if you like."
"I have birthday party," she started, "and bought 3 last week at this price.  When will they go down in price?"
"I'm not really sure," I lied.  Truth was, I knew they'd go down to 40% off sometime in the next day or two, but I can't say that... if people heard that, no one would buy stuff now.  "I think it will be sometime in the next week, but I don't know for sure."
"Oh, okay" she gets a basket and puts 4 Power Ranger Soccer Balls in the basket.  She comes to the counter. 

"I pay this price for these balls last week.  You can give me better deal?"
"Better deal on... the soccer balls?  As in, take more off the price?"
"Yes!" she smiled, happy I understood her.  Her smile turned upside down, though when I spoke.
"No, I can't take any more off the price.  You're getting it at about 65 or 70% off the original price as it is."
"Oh, you can no lower the price?  Well, who can?"
I smiled, trying not to laugh, and then pointed at my name tag. "Well, I would be the one to ask, but I'm not authorized to take more money off."  Truth be told, I could... but I wasn't going to.  There was no reason to.

COLD BLOODED
As seen in the previous post in this trilogy, just because there are signs everywhere doesn't mean they read them.  Didn't happen when we were a thriving, fully stocked store, and wasn't happening now. 

Two tall gangsta looking dudes--okay, they are black gangsta looking dudes... (why do we always feel so uncomfortable saying someone is black?) came in.  I smiled and greeted them, one waved back, the other gave a deep voiced, "Whas up?"

The two guys walked to the back of the store, they looked around and the Gangsta Lookin' Gangsta came up to me.  "Scuse me... man, my girl likes Mickey Mouse.  You got any Mickey Mouse?"   I shook my head.  "Dude, we've been sold out of Mickey Mouse for two weeks.  We do, however, have Minnie Mouse."
"Where the Minnie Mouse?"
"Right over there, buddy," I Disney pointed to a shelf loaded up with Minnie Mouse plush, all for $5.99 after discount.

Gangsta Lookin' Gangsta walked over and picked up a Minnie plush, seemingly satisfied.  Well Dressed Gangsta, however, is standing in the middle of the store just looking around.   After a few seconds, he says, "Man, my mama used to bring me up in here when I was a little kid, like all the time.  Man, I loved this place.  I feel like I'm a little kid again when I come in here."
I laughed and said, "I know the feeling.  Love working here too.  Feel like a kid too. Enjoy it while you can, man."
He looked at me.  "What do you mean?"
"Well, we're closing in a few weeks."
Well Dressed Gangsta paused, looked confused, then said, "You closing? What?!"
"Yep, unfortunately."
"Why you closing?"
"Its a leasing issue with the mall."
"For real?"
"For real."

He took a few steps, looked around, stopped, looked back and me and said, "Man... that's cold blooded."

I nodded appreciatively and replied, "Indeed."

SORRY SEEMS TO BE THE HARDEST WORD
When you're annoying, I am usually okay with it.  Heck, I'm annoying to many, and I appreciate the courtesy of putting up with me, so I do my best to extend the same to others.  And when you realize you're being annoying, all the better. 

Gardendale Blondie was a short woman from... well, Gardendale.  As noble as I would like to sound by saying I'll give her the name "Gardendale Blondie" to protect her real identity, its really more of a case of not remembering her name.

We have little blue baskets to put your merchandise in while you shop, but that doesn't stop many guests from just piling up their stuff on the counter.  They'll find a Donald Duck shirt or a Buzz Lightyear action figure or a Princess Vanity play set and just stack it on the counter... anyone who wants to actually check out there be darned.  Thus the case with Gardendale Blondie.  She. Had.  So.  Much.  Stuff.

Not only did she have a huge pile of Magic going on, when she finally got to the register, she was still undecided about what she wanted.  What happened in the next few minutes was me holding up one shirt after another, asking if she wanted it, followed by me holding up one toy after another, making sure she wanted it.  She apologized at first, telling me she was so sorry for being a hassle, which was nice... and then...

"I'm so sorry, I know you are so tired of me... okay, I want that shirt.  And that shirt.  Yeah, that shirt.  No, not that one.  I'm so sorry.  I'm sorry.  Okay, I'll take that shirt.  That one too.  I'm so sorry.  I know you are being so patient with me.  I'm sorry.  Yeah, that shirt and that one.  But not that one.  I'm so sorry, what's my total?  Okay, I will take that Princess thing there, and that one there, but you can put that shirt back.  I'm sorry.  Thank you for being patient with me... yeah, give me that shirt.  Can you hold that one up?  Hmm... put that one off to the side and I'll decide on that one.  I'm sorry about this, so sorry, thank you for being patient with me..."

As forgiving as I could be, I started moving faster to get Gardendale Blondie gone a little quicker.  Another five minutes of "I'm sorry", "I'm so sorry" and "Your so patient with me" before I finally gave her her $150+ total.  And then she pulls her checkbook out. 

"Ma'am, I'm sorry, we don't take checks."  I wished so badly that our "check" button worked, because I think I might have truly used it, even though we hadn't taken checks since the previous November.  And, of course, she felt bad.  "You don't take checks?   What?  I'm so sorry.  I'm sorry, thank you for being patient with me, I'm so sorry about this, let me find my credit card.  Sorry."

She was nice enough, though. 

THE LAST OF THE GREAT BIG SPENDERS
The animation up top is not for sale  Nor is the stuff in the windows.  There are a couple of hand made signs that say such things, but that doesn't mean we aren't asked about it fifty or sixty times per day.

Mark the Realtor wouldn't say no for an answer.  I only know him as Mark the Realtor because I found his name was Mark, and he is a real estate agent.  Tall, bald, grayish black beard and glasses, he asked me about the animation in the window and up top.

"So, what about all the stuff up there?  And in the window?  How much is it?" Mark the Realtor asks.
"Sorry, sir, that stuff is not for sale." I replied, stocking coffee mugs on a nearby shelf, not really even looking up at him for this question.
"Well, what are they going to do with it?"
"It goes back to the company."
"If and win they decide to sell it, can I put my name on a list to be called?"
I tried not to laugh.  "Honestly, we don't have any list, because trust me, it won't be for sale."
"But if they do decide to sell it..."

Normally, I wouldn't cut someone off, but you can't tell the tone from my writing it out... it was about as arrogant a tone as you can possibly imagine.

"Trust me on this," I said. "I would bet the life of my own unborn children that Disney will not be selling any of the animation at the top and in the window."
Not being deterred one bit, he pulls out his business card and shoves it in my hand.
"Well, you know, if and when they decide to sell it, you have my card now."
"I gotta be honest with ya, buddy.  If the only reason you are giving me your card [which said Mark the Realtor on it] is for me to call you if they decide to sell the animation, then you are wasting your card because you won't be called.  Probably end up tossing your card."
Big smile. "That's a chance I'm willing to take.  Just know I'll give you a thousand dollars right now for everything in the window."

This almost caused me to bleed as I was biting my lip to keep from laughing out loud.  What I thought was, "Oh, wow, a thousand dollars, huh?  Man, why not make it a thousand and fifty, Mr. Moneybags?"  Never mind that each of those figures in the window could fetch at least a thousand each, if not more, Mark the Realtor will buy the whole thing for... a thousand dollars.  (On eBay, as I type this, there is a Rafiki figure for $1300 right now... and a Golden Mickey, very close to the one we had in our store, can be bought for about $900).

He walked out.  Still had his grand, got nothing from the window.  And when he turned the corner and disappeared, I smiled at Carlotta as I ripped the card in two and tossed it.

AND FINALLY... THE EMPORIUM WE AREN'T
Had a guest walk in, look around, then smile at me saying, "Wow.  This definately is not the Emporium on Main Street.  That place has a lot more stuff.  Y'all don't have hardly anything."

I just said, "That's why they are the Magic Kingdom and we are The Galleria Mall."

Anyway... I do have some stories of people being awesome (I thought the Cold Blooded guy was great) but really, those aren't nearly as much fun.  The anecdotes of people being... well, unmagical, are always a little more entertaining.

Coming shortly... a farewell to The Happiest Place in the Mall.

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs (Happiest Place Finale Part I)

This is the first of a three part post on the final show at The Happiest Place in the Mall...

Part One is a few of the conversations I've had regarding the confusing, poorly worded signs we've had all over the place. 

Guest: "How much is the Minnie Mouse stuff on that wall?"

Yours Truly:  Um... its an additional 25% off

Guest:  "Oh, I didn't know.  I didn't see a sign anywhere."

Guest:  So, I see here that your hardware is for sale, but (pointing at bottom line on sign) is the animation stuff at the top and in the window for sale?

Yours Truly (puzzled, then reading): No sir, animation at top and in window unavailable for purchase

Guest:  Oh. That's too bad.

Guest:  How much is these bunnies?

Yours Truly:  Well, they're $2.99 after the 40% discount

Guest:  Oh, I see that now.  So is that $2.99, then you take 40% off of that?  How much is that going to be?

Yours Truly:  No, ma'am, its $2.99... that's after the discount is taken

Guest:  Oh, so that's the price after the 40% comes off

Yours Truly:  Yes ma'am.  Its $2.99... after the discount is taken

Guest:  Okay.  (pause)  How much is these dogs?

Guest:  I was looking for the snowglobes.  Where are they now?

Yours Truly:  Well, all we have left (doing Disney point to the end of store) is on that fixture.  We're completely out of Belle, though we do have Aurora and Ariel left.

Guest: Oh, I already got Belle and those others.  Any Cinderella?

Yours Truly: No ma'am, we don't have anymore of those.  Sold out.

Guest:  When will you be getting any in?

Yours Truly:  Well, at this point, probably never.

Guest: Never?  Do you guys not carry snowglobes now?

Yours Truly:  No ma'am, and I'd say in about two weeks, we won't be carrying anything any more.

Guest:  Why not?  You guys just selling everything before you get new stuff in?

Yours Truly:  No, we're closing our store.

Guest: Closing?  Closing!  Really?!

Yours Truly:  Yes ma'am.  April 24th.

Guest:  Wow. Too bad.  Have you guys got anything on sale?

Guest:  I bought this Piglet, and my granddaughter already has it.  Can't I just get a refund?

Yours Truly:  Sir, I'm sorry.  All sales are final at this point.

Guest: What?  Why?

Yours Truly: Well, sir, we're closing and we...

Guest: Closing?  Really?  So I can't get a refund on this?  I mean, I don't need it.

Yours Truly:  I'm sorry, we can't take anything back right now.  All sales are final.

Guest:  No one told me that.

AND FINALLY...

Guest, after stopping and staring at this particular sign for 45 seconds, then turning to me:  Are you closing?

And of course,

Guest:  So, tell me why you are closing

Yours Truly:  Its a leasing issue with the mall

Guest:  That's really terrible, I hate that.  When is your last day?

Yours Truly:  April 24th.  Indeed.

Another Guest, who was standing almost right beside me hearing this entire conversation:  You're closing?

Sigh.