four snows whites and 29 dwarfs

I'm a Disney history buff... I love learning about the parks, about the building of, I love learning about the animated classics and the stories behind them, and of course, learning about Walt Disney himself.  A fascinating, driven cat that Walt was. 

So it makes me appreciate a movie like "Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs" all that much more, reading and knowing what went into the film, and the efforts it took to get it made. 

One of the original movie posters from 1937

Walt Disney had made a name for himself doing the short Silly Symphony cartoons, a series of live action & animated shorts called "The Alice Films", when he decided it was time to do a full length animated film.  History will tell you there were one or two full length animated movies done before Snow White, but they are obscure, foreign and perhaps even lost forever.  So this was essentially new ground.

Ground that no one, including Walt's brother Roy and wife Lillian, didn't want to tread, as they tried to talk him out of it.  Budgeted at $250,000, the film's cost spiraled out of control, ending up in the neighborhood of $1.5 million, which in the mid-thirties was just about insane.  The project was so derided by the film industry, Hollywood bigwigs referred to it as "Disney's Folly".

Like most Disney animated classics, the original story has a fairy tale origin, but in the original tale that Disney drew from, the dwarfs did not have personalities.  Walt Disney felt that even though the story revolved around Snow White and The Queen, the Seven Dwarfs should be the star of the show. 

Out of over 50 names suggested by animators--including Jumpy, Deafy, Titsy (!), Dizzey, Hickey, Wheezy, Baldy, Gabby, Nifty, Sniffy, Swift, Lazy, Puffy, Stuffy, Tubby, Shorty and Burpy--five names were chosen by process of elimination... Doc, Grumpy, Bashful, Sleepy and Happy.  Sneezy and Dopey were also considered, though Jumpy made the cut instead.  Eventually, as you probably can guess, Jumpy got cut.  Sneezy and Dopey made the list.

As time passed, and more the story came together, Walt began to realize that the story of Snow White and the Queen had to be the main focus.  Original story boards had a much larger role for the prince, aptly named The Prince, but animators just could not get his features and face right, thus his role was significantly diminished. 

Because of the shift in focus, several scenes were cut from the final film, mostly involving the dwarfs... including Doc and Grumpy arguing over Snow White, a dining room scene where the dwarfs were noisily eating soup (this one had been completely animated before it was cut), and another elaborate scene where they build Snow White a bed.  Having spent so much time on the dwarfs, animator Ward Kimball was completely distraught and was looking to leave the company.  Walt Disney persuaded him to stay, in part by promoting him to the character animation of Jiminy Cricket on the upcoming production of Pinocchio.

The Disney Company had to work through Bourne Company Music to create the songs for the movie, including the famous "Heigh Ho" and "Whistle While You Work"... back then, soundtracks for films were not done much, and considered useless.  Bourne held the publishing rights to other movies music as well, and in the years since, Disney has been able to acquire that music back (I've read, however, that Bourne still holds the rights for Snow White)

The line to get in became a Standing Room Only event

The film opened on December 21, 1937, at the Carthay Circle Theatre in Hollywood, to stellar reviews and audience raves.  Among the star studded audience was Judy Garland, Marlene Dietrich, Charlie Chaplin, Milton Berle, George & Gracie, Cary Grant and more.  The film was lauded at the following Academy Awards, with Walt picking up a full size Oscar and seven miniature statues for achievement.   The film was also profitable, giving Disney the money to finance a new studio in Burbank, where it remains today, and pushed productions of Pinocchio and Fantasia into high gear.  Its legacy of history continues today, as the American Film Institute listed it as the #1 animated movie of all time, and it ranks #34 on AFI's greatest films of all time.  It is also the first animated feature to be selected for the National Film Registry.

Personally... I had not seen this film since 1983.  Jaws 3 (IN 3-D!!) had just been released, and I wanted to go see it so, so bad... but my mom felt like this movie was a little much for my 9 year old eyes.  So, we went to see Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs.  (in hindsight, mama knew best, because Jaws 3D is a train wreck)

A few years ago on this very website, I challenged myself to watch all then-51 movies in the Disney Movie Canon in a year's time... well, like many of my self-challenges, that fell short really before I got going... but today, on a lark, 30 years later, I decided it was worth a re-watch.

Being a fan of Disney History, I can appreciate this movie greatly.  I cannot imagine what audiences must have felt in 1937, watching a full length movie completely animated, with music and story and laughs and gags and a princess and a prince and an evil queen... watching it on Blu-Ray in HD, the colors are brilliant, and the sound is exceptional.

But, can I be honest with you?  Seriously... its a chore to get through.  Perhaps my expectations are automatically high, beyond my own conscious control, but the story just... lagged.  Adriana Caselotti, voicing Snow White, has this shrill voice with this annoying falsetto, so every song she sang made me cringe.   The song at the wishing well is perhaps the worst to me, so I'm glad its over early.

The dwarfs are comical and funny and charming, and I'm glad Walt put some focus on them.  The Queen is evil, as she's supposed to be, but I found myself liking her more than Snow White.  She's at least more interesting.  I know this is heresy, because being a Disney fan I'm supposed to like all things Disney, right?   Well, I'm not a Snow White fan, and I've never seen an attractive Snow White in any of the theme parks either, so sue me.  I don't like Stitch's Great Escape, I steer clear of most Disney Channel afternoon programming and have eaten three times at Mama Melrose in Hollywood Studios, and don't care for the either.  So there.

Anyway, if you have never seen Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs, you need to.  If only to experience Disney history in animated form.  Its not a bad movie, its just not for me.

By the way, if you get the Blu-Ray, make sure you watch the "Snow White Returns" special feature.  Apparently, in 2001, Disney Archivists found storyboards for a possible sequel to "Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs"... no one knows why they started it, and no one knows why production was halted.  But it would have incorporated two of the deleted musical sequences, which are also featured on the Blu-Ray.  The "Noisy Soup" is alot of fun, but the "Bed Building" really drags.

Speaking of Snow White, let me mention the other three Snows that have appeared in the last few years...

Why yes, its that chick from The Blind Side.  And her eyebrows.  And its
that dude from The Social Network.  Both of the Winklevii.

"Mirror, Mirror" came out in 2012, with Julia Roberts as The Queen, Lily Collins as Snow White and Armie Hammer as Prince Alcott.  This film loosely follows the story of Snow White, with the characters, but the dwarfs have names like Grimm, Half Pint and Chuckles.  I thought this movie was silly, but also fun, though it helps that I really, really like Lily Collins. 

"Snow White & the Huntsman" was released a few months after "Mirror Mirror", with Charlize Theron as The Queen, Thor as Eric the Huntsman and the always cheerful Kristen Stewart as Snow White.  This film had potential, turning the tale into an action film and making the dwarfs (all 8 of them) warriors.  My problem?  Kristen Stewart.  Not since "Panic Room", one of my own 50 favorite films of all time, have I liked Kristen, and after the Twilight movies, she really has no place in my heart.  Personally, take her out, put Lily Collins in this action role (she can do action--she was the only, ONLY, good thing about "Abduction"), and this film is markedly better. 

Of course, there is Ginnifer Goodwin's "Snow White" on the excellent TV show "Once Upon a Time", but Snow is just one character in a whole slew of fairy tale characters.

However, do me a favor and go find 2007's "Sydney White".  It starts Amanda Bynes, in the years when she was cute and sweet and not crazy and Lohanesque.  Starring a bunch of people you've never seen (except for Bo Duke), its a fun take on the Snow White tale set in a modern college campus, featuring seven dorks.  Not a typo.

And make sure you catch the original.

a sacred delight (a bronx tale)

When I was at the end of my college experience, in the spring of 1998, I took my first mission trip to New York City.  I had done missions work here and there, usually a week at a time, before, but this was NYC... I'd never been, and I couldn't turn down the chance to go.  Problem was, this trip happened to come before, during, and after the Winter Quarter Graduation Ceremony at Troy State University.  Mind you, this was when Troy State was Troy State, and it was in quarters, not semesters--semesters came the following fall.

The problem really wasn't a problem, because I had missed the deadline for renting my cap and gown for graduation anyway.  I mean, it was like, $50.  I couldn't come up with $50 on the fly... now, if you ask me how I afforded a trip to NYC, I can tell you... I have no clue.  I'm trying to think back, and I really have no idea how I paid for that trip, or had the money to spend while on it.  Who knows.  Then again, with my credit card history, I might have just paid that trip off a few years ago.

Anyway, to finish that part of the story, on the Friday of trip, I glanced down at my watch, noticing it was after 2pm.  I was walking down 7th Avenue, and turned to my friends Melanie Jackson, Allyson Guy and Troy McConnell and said, "Hey, I just graduated college..."   My fellow graduate Dixon Brock told me some time later that they did say my name aloud.  I never even saw a program with my name on it.  Such is.

Sunday Drive "Doors Wide Open'  A pretty good CD, and only $2.99
on Amazon

Well, while in New York City, one of the plans we had for the ministry we worked with was to plan a neighborhood coffeehouse in the Bronx, and we had music, and skits and snacks and coffee and so on...

SIDEBAR!!!  I worked at a local radio station in Troy, and produced my own Christian music show on Sunday nights, called Sunday Night Power--every Sunday, 7p to 11p, and with contacts from various record labels and promotions, I got all kinds of CDs and backstage passes and interviews and so on... and ended up meeting this band named Sunday Drive. They were your typical Christian music band of the late 90s... a few dudes, drums, guitars, some fast stuff, some slow stuff, and a few albums that were forgotten within a few years. And frankly, their music, while good, was mostly forgettable.

However comma there was one song that I singled in on, namely "Sacred Delight".

 

"Did you smile when you made the moon, and gave the sky its color? Did Creation dance in rhythm to Your song of life, I wonder? Did the angels know You knew my name before I existed? Did you tell them out of all You made, why You gave me Your image? Is it true, I'm Your heartbeat? And You love me more than anything...?"

 

I loved that song. Love that song.

 

 

And in the weeks leading up to the mission trip, I felt it important to make one request... "Can I... can I sing 'Sacred Delight'?" Now, its important to note I am not a singer. I sing. I wail. I warble. I can't remember half of a sermon two hours after its over, but I can nail every word to Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back" or "Jump" by KrisKross or "3am" by Matchbox 20 or even most Whitney Houston songs (pre-crack, of course)... but a singer I am not.  The Lovely Steph Leann can attest.

 

 

Back then, it was just as true.

 

 

My buddy Troy McConnell didn't care. He said, "Dude. I love it. Let's do it." We practiced, and I know he gave of himself alot in listening to me warble and such. In my defense, it was in my key, and overall, it wasn't too terribly bad... but still, he encouraged me.

 

 

The trip comes.  We are in New York City, spending our days in the community of Brooklyn and the Bronx, our nights in a little community church.  And its cold... there is snow, not Alabama snow, mind you, but real snow.  For me, it was the first real snow I'd ever seen.  It was like powder, and when you threw it at someone, it disintegrated into a spray of fine flakes, leaving very little moisture on your clothes--unlike snow in Alabama... throw a snowball here and you are likely to give someone a concussion with a good head shot.

 

So, the day of, it was cold and rainy. It was snowy outside, and I woke up with a head full of allergies and congestion. I could barely breath, my nose was so clogged. I thought of cancelling my little tune, but just wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do. This wasn't even about other people worshipping, this was about me telling God that I will praise Him no matter what. In a little empty church sanctuary in Brooklyn, I sat listening to both Troy and our friend Claire Baldwin simply tell me, "You do what you feel you should. But if you feel the urge to praise Him, then you do it. Who cares what anyone else says?  You are performing for an audience of One.  Its His worship."

Troy and I, in mid-song.  Well, Troy in mid-song, me in mid-song-butcher.

And so I did. That night, in the Bronx, I gave my first--and last--public singing performance. I had to start the second verse over at one point, as I lost my place. Troy on guitar was as patient as ever. I made it through it, as off key as I ever was... and felt proud of it. Not sure anyone else got anything out of it, especially the Puerto Rican family in the front row... they didn't know Sunday Drive from Reese Witherspoon, but for me, it was courage. And humbling before God.

 

 

What sacred delight. What infinite wonder, that I'm precious in Your sight. You love me like no other, not other. Sacred delight.

 

 

So, this coming Sunday, I'll sit down with my notes, my Sword, my lesson book and we'll discuss the proper ways of taking on Hell with a water pistol. I'm sure I'll "uh" and "um" and "...you know..." and "...so..." alot. Count on it.

 

 

But, if like that night in the Bronx, if can get my fat head and large ego out of the way, God just might say something important. Something delightful. Something sacred.

 

Did you think of me the day you died, and know that I'd intend this... did you know one day I'd come to you, in search of your forgiveness... is it true, I'm your heartbeat... and you choice to die than to live without me...  

Word.

 

Of course, it wasn't all serious... in one of many skits, Kendrick and I
do something a little more comical--a two person, five character skit
called something like "No No Not Today"

 

fresh fries make the difference

Yes, we are fast food fans.  We always have been, and like it or not, we might always be.  I can eat just about anywhere, but I do enjoy Arby's, Sonic, Whataburger, Milo's and Wendy's.  I do eat McDonalds sometimes, but its lower on my list.  The Lovely Steph Leann really only likes Wendy's, and sometimes Burger King... but our Burger King here is just terrible. 

I speak of the one on Hwy 280, right down the way from The Cabana, maybe a mile or so away.  They closed it and refurbed the entire thing a year or two ago, and it looks great.  But the service took a downward spiral fast.  Yes, the Caramel Bacon Sundae is almost worth it... but after ten years of working for Starbucks, plus another 15 years of eating at and experiencing the service at Chik-fila, I don't dig on bad service. 

I kinda quit going to Burger King on 280 altogether... food is not great, and the service team is full of people that just don't give a crap.  Yeah, you can experience "just don't give a crap" in most places, but it seems like they actually work on, and take pride in, their "just don't give a crap"ness.

So, when I went to Wendy's tonight, I was pleasantly surprised.  Their service is just average.  That's not really a knock on Wendy's, as ho-hum service is generally what you get elsewhere... tonight, I walk in and order.

The Lovely Steph Leann gets her burger with ketchup and mustard only.  Value fries and a small drink.  I get my burger with mayo, mustard and ketchup, with cheese.  When I order these meals, it usually blows the mind of whoever is behind the counter.  I get home with the food, and her burger will have cheese and mayo on it, I'll be missing cheese and mustard... or there will mayo on both and cheese is nowhere to be found.  I've actually taken to ordering and paying for them separately, just to keep confusion to a minimum. 

The guy behind the counter was as nice as could be.  He was chatty, friendly, and though I'm not sure of his name, it said "Dakota" on the receipt.  In conversation, I mentioned that our burger had unwanted cheese on it last time, and he said, "Well, let me check to make sure its right..."  He did, and it was, then he replied, "Yeah, our girl working the grill really knows what she's doing." 

He came back with two things of fries, but then stops before placing them in the bag.  He looks at me and says, "Ya know... we have fresh fries cooking.  Two minutes.  Would you like to wait?"  I said, "Sure, I'll wait for fresh fries!" and he says, "Yeah, you don't want these.  They have been sitting there for a while."  Then he just chunks the fries in the trash. 

Perhaps its a small thing, but it was a great gesture.  I feel like most people would have just said "Whatevs", tossed the old fries in the bag and sent me on my way.

Dakota, I thank you.  You made my Wendy's experience actually enjoyable.   

Its the little things, really.

straight white girl wasted

Just a quick one... sometimes things are funny, and need to be seen...

Best. Apology. Letter.  Ever.

(in case you can't read the text, and/or the picture doesn't appear)

Dear Bike Owner,

On Saturday April 20 I graduated From University and got straight white girl wasted.  After the bar it was too late to catch a bus , and I am too broke to afford A cab, so I borrowed your bike withoutasking.  It was a lusciously smooth ride from what I remember.

Anyways I am very sorry I did not ask to borrow your bike, and have so I have returned it with a coupOn for a free lava cake at Domino's as an apology.

Cheers,

Bike TheiF

 

lifted from one of my favorite sites, Sports Illustrated's Hot Clicks

the guy at 7:12

Campbell Isaiah, or as the hip hop community in our house calls him, "Pocket Change" (word), turned 16 months today. He's a little behind on stuff... he's finally walking at a quicker pace, he's still not talking, and he still worships his bottle full of (homemade) formula. 
 

One of our nighttime rituals is to give Campbell his final bottle before going to bed. We can lay him on one side of the bed, hold the bottle with the other, and he will turn over, get on his hands and knees, and heaven help you if you stop him from getting to that bottle. His face contorts, his crawling becomes rapid, he gives a squeak of excitement mixed with anxiety... he's chasing that bottle. Before he can get to it, he's already got both arms out, stretching as far as he can, to put his hands on that nectar of goat milk.

 

If you've ever seen The Blind Side, its like when Phil Fulmer sees the video of Michael Oher's manhandling of an opposing player... "I want him. I want him bad." If Campbell could talk, he would deadpan that about his bottle. "I want it. I want it bad."

 Let me bring this around a bit.

 I had the honor and pleasure of going to Passion's conference, "One Day" in May of 2000. This was about six months before I changed Stephanie's life forever by, you know, entering into her life. Ironically, The Passion Movement has had several "One Day" conferences since then, but this was the first. 50,000 college students and young adults on a hillside on a farm in Tennessee, all worshipping God, fellowshipping and trying to circumnavigate the overflowing porta-potties. Pee for JC, I always say.

 

It was incredible and wonderful... I've got the DVD, and watch it from time to time. Beth Moore, John Piper, Voddie Bocham, Louie Giglio all speaking, while Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, and Christy Nockel leading worship. Doesn't get much better than that...

 Anyway, one of my favorite modern worship songs is the re:imaginging of "The Wonderful Cross"... and after this past weekend's rememberance, its fitting. If you go on the YouTube, you can see a 13 minute clip of the worship during this song. 

 

This is a big deal because during this song, a couple of students helped to bring a large wooden cross down from the hill, walk it through the crowd and place it close to the stage. Whether moved by the Spirit or felt obligation, people began to approach it, and kneel to pray at the foot of The Wonderful Cross.

 

At the 6:27 mark, something happens. A dude in green shorts and a white shirt enters from the right side of the screen, walks slowly, almost an amble, and kneels down at the foot of The Wonderful Cross. I like this guy. I can relate to this guy. A slow walk and a "yeah, this is good...", followed by a slow kneel and prayer. Please understand I'm not judging this guy at all--I'm pretty sure he just came to worship, I'm merely saying that I am like him... I get to The Wonderful Cross when I get to it, and I'll pray while I'm there. That's me.

 

Then... at the 645 mark, a dude comes up on the left side, plants his whole body on the ground, glances up, then face down prays. Which is cool, I guess.

But then... the one I love... from out of nowhere, at 7:12 in, from the left side, this guy in orange shorts and a white shirt comes flying from out of nowhere, hurling himself to the foot of The Wonderful Cross. I mean, this guy probably started slowly from way up the field, but gained speed and momentum, and was probably going full speed when he just threw himself to the ground. He just fliesthrough the air and lands a few feet from The Wonderful Cross.

Take this image, and imagine it to the left and to the right, and triple it,
then you'll have how big this was.

I love this guy.  I want to be this guy. Its great to be the guy to walk in at my own pace, kneel and pray like normal. But to be the guy who cannot stand still, the guy who is running full speed towards the Cross--towards Jesus... running full speed because you want to get there as fast as possible, because every second you aren't there is a second not spent in His presence. I want to be the guy who loves Jesus so freakin' much that no matter what I do, it results in racing to Christ, in running to His side, to His arms, to the foot of The Wonderful Cross as fast as my legs will carry me. I want to be the guy who cannot stand to be away from Him.

 

I like being the guy who walks up and kneels. I want to be the guy at 7:12.

 

And when I cant run? When I can't even walk (without someone holding my hand), I hope to be like Campbell chasing his bottle... this look of determination, nay, desperation to get to what he so craves. Crawling, reaching before he can even get there just to get it a second faster.

 

Psalm 42:1 says "as the deer pants for steams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. Where can I go and meet with God?"

Usually I will just try and find God when I can. The guy at 7:12 says "Where is He? I want to meet with Him... watch me get there as fast as possible..." And he does.

 Lets be the guy at 7:12.

another dozen movie dash

Back in October, I did a "Dozen Movie Dash", where I gave quick reviews on 12 films that I had seen recently. Its been a while since I gave any sort of real movie review, so I thought I'd bounce back with Another Dozen Movie Dash... ready? Here we go...

"GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE"
This movie is terrible. With Nic Cage starring as Marvel anti-hero Johnny Blaze, who, with a deal from the devil in the first movie (just called "Ghost Rider"), turns into a flame headed, fire cycle riding crazy monster guy who feeds off of the souls of bad people, this movie isn't nearly as good as the first one. And the first one was pretty bad. As a matter of fact, I'm still watching this film, and I can already tell you, this movie is awful.

When these three show up, you know its going to be a little different
than most horror/slasher flicks

"CABIN IN THE WOODS"
A horror slasher film for the modern day "been there/done that" horror film society. Five college students head out to a cabin... located in the woods, conveniently enough... belonging to a relative of one of the teens. From there, they get picked off one by one, which isn't a spoiler because you would expect that from a movie like this.

Its the way it happens, and the why that is intriguing. Bradley Whitford and Richard Jenkins appear almost randomly, it seems, setting up a system of games and death for our heroes that is unexpected... and fun. If you like suspense and scary type of films, but want something different, then check this flick out. There is a needless boobie scene in the middle, and lots of language... plus slasher violence, so get ready for that.


"JEFF, WHO LIVES AT HOME"
Jeff, played by Jason Segel, does in fact, live at home. In his mom's basement. And he's in his mid 30s. He spends his days watching TV--notably, repeated viewings of his favorite film, the Mel Gibson starring and M. Night. Shamallama directed "Signs"... and he also spends an inordinate amount of time looking around the room, the neighborhood and the universe for "signs" to tell him why he is here, and what is fate is. After getting a phone call for someone named Kevin, he takes this onto himself to discover what the universe is telling him. On the other side of the story is his older brother, Pat (Ed Helms), a different kind of loser, but a loser still, is in a failing marriage to wife Linda (Judy Greer) due to his laziness and apathy. Both Pat and Jeff are also dealing with their mom (Susan Sarandon), who is dealing with her own little issues.

Jeff and Pat, in an important meeting about life.

Expecting a comedy, I was quite surprised when I discovered it was more of a drama... a dramedy, if you will. And, I was also quite surprised how much I enjoyed this film... it all rests on the charm of Jason Segel, who I'm a fan of, and his portrayal of good guy, if not deeply flawed, Jeff. I think Ed Helms is usually dependable and funny, and I really love Judy Greer (also in "13 Going on 30" and "Love and Other Drugs") in the way I love Marisa Tomei and Emma Stone, that is, I'll watch whatever they are in. There is a lot of language, but thankfully, no dirty scenes... the cast brings this together and makes it work.


"THATS MY BOY"
Ok, so this is Adam Sandler's 2012 entry into his catalog of crap (see also "Little Nicky". And "Mr. Deeds". And "Jack & Jill". And that "Zohan" movie. Better yet, don't see any of those movies). The story goes that back in the day, a teenage Donny had an improper relationship with his teacher, Ms McGarricle, and ended up fathering a son named Todd. And due to Ms. McGarricle's incarceration, Donny, 13, gains custody of his son. And when Todd gets older and is getting married, having told everyone that his parents are dead, here comes daddy Donny--Adam Sandler.

This film is not good. It has its funny moments every now and again, and the addition of Vanilla Ice as a major character, playing a parody (though its probably close to real life) of himself, is a major plus. Maybe more films should have Vanilla Ice in them.

I would totally watch Ghost Vanilla: Spirit of Ice, probably with more gusto and enthusiasm than what's on now.

Anyway, "That's My Boy" has way too much language, and F-bombs everywhere. The material is very suggestive, the jokes are very raunchy, and really, its just all around bad. Maybe wait a bit, catch the somewhat edited version on Spike TV or USANetwork in 2014.


"PROJECT X"
Don't watch this movie. Its a "found footage film" about a party that gets way out of control... and I got through the first 10 minutes of it and couldn't deal with it. Three teenagers who use the F-Bomb, and much worse, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and it's crap. If I want that language from teenagers, I'll watch "Superbad". At least its entertaining.


"HERE COMES THE BOOM"

If you can get past Kevin James as an MMA fighter, than you might
get a kick out of this film.

DO watch this movie. Seriously. This movie is fantastic. Well, I say that being a Kevin James fan... yes, he's kinda dopey, and yes, his movies won't win any awards ("Zookeeper"? Its awful. But awesome. And I love it), but this is a delightfully fun story.

Kevin James is Scott Voss, a high school teacher who is kinda just getting by... but gets a new fire when he finds out that his friend Marty (Henry Winkler) is going to lose his job when the school district cuts out the music program in the school. So, Scott does what any hard working joe would do when needing to earn $48,000... he turns to MMA fighting.

And yes, things turn out exactly like you'd think. Its a silly premise, but Kevin James' charm makes this movie happen. Its completely family friendly... I'm sure there is a bit of language in it, but I don't remember it at all. No sex, and only boxing style violence. Loved it.

The Lovely Steph Leann sez: It was cute.  I liked "Zookeeper" better, if we're ranking Kevin James movies, but it was cute.


"FLIGHT"
Talk about your downer. This is not one to watch when looking for a comedy or something to lighten the mood. Not. At. All.

For starters, Whip Whitaker (Denzel Washington) is an alcoholic. He's also a pilot, and the movie is a snapshot of his life over a few weeks following the opening of the film... when he pilots a jet airliner stoned and drunk out of his mind. And in a well shot, harrowing opening sequence, he lands the plane in a field, becoming a hero to America... until they find out he was high and stoned. Did this cause the plane crash in the first place? And does it matter if it did?

Denzel does what he does... takes the role, makes it his, makes it believable, and makes it awesome. That being said, this is in no way a family film... or a nice film... or an easy film to watch. Its got language, its got tons of drug use, some boobies right off the bat, and a depressing downward spiral of a man who seems like a good man. A good man doing very bad things.

Verdict? If you can handle it, its definitely worth a watch, just once. I'll probably never see it again.

The Lovely Steph Leann sez:  Wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.  Pretty good, but not something I want to watch again.

SIDEBAR: "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance" just ended. Frankly, I wanted all of them to die in a fiery inferno. It never got better, just worse.


"THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER"
Some films you go into knowing you're going to like it... and if you don't, its a bigger disappointment than if you "thought it would be better". This is one of these films that I knew I was going to like. And thankfully, I wasn't disappointed.

You just can't help but like Sam

Charlie (Logan Leman) is your typical high school loner... he's a freshman, and on his first day of 9th grade, he only makes a single connection: his English teacher (the always awesome Paul Rudd). He meets two high school seniors, Sam (Hermione Granger) and her step-brother Patrick (Ezra Miller)... and from there, its a high school movie. Romance, conflict, bullying, forbidden love, betrayal and so on.

Though this has all of the aforementioned high school movie characteristics, its also fun. And its got heart. Charlie and Sam have an instant connection, and you want them to be together, despite the freshman/senior difference, and though you may not agree with Patrick, you still feel for him and what he ends up going through. Mostly, its about friendship. And its also awesome to see Emma Watson in something that doesn't involve magic wands and a shouted "stupify!" spell.

Rated PG-13, it does have a few things that are for teens and up, so I probably wouldn't let Campbell watch it.. but its cute and quirky, and I loved it.

The Lovely Steph Leann sez:  I really liked it. 


"LINCOLN"
This was movie that I should love... but wasn't sure if I would.

Much heralded, highly anticipated, Daniel Day-Lewis personifies the 16th president, Abraham Lincoln. The film covers the final four months of Lincoln's life, as he is desperately trying to get the 13th Amendment ratified... the one that bans slavery and involuntary servitude.

Lincoln did well in theaters.  Typically, Lincoln's outcome in theaters
has not been very good.

The all star cast includes Tommy Lee Jones as Thaddeus Stevens, a fierce abolitionist... Sally Field as Mary Todd Lincoln, Abe's wife who turns out is a bit batty... JoGo Levitt as Robert Lincoln, the eldest son... Jackie Earle Haley as Confederate VP Alexander Stephens... and in a part that could have easily been nominated for Best Supporting Actor, David Strathairn as Sec of State William Seward... and what seemed like a billion bit parts for various congressmen, soldiers and so on.

Also among the cast, James Spader as Republican operative William Bilbo, one who is given a task of rallying support for the 13th Amendment. Spader is very recognizable, but its such a juicy role, a part that I don't think he's had in a long, long time.

Its definitely a talkie.. a lot of talking. A lot of talking. A lot. So, don't go into it sleepy, as you will lose yourself amongst the chatter of slavery and freedom and government and war. Even Danny D-Lewis' immaculate performance as Lincoln becomes secondary to the story after a while. Highly recommended, minimal language, and historical war violence.

The Lovely Steph Leann sez:  I really liked it.  Alot.


"MADEA'S WITNESS PROTECTION"
Oy.

Yeah, somehow I ended up watching this with The Lovely Steph Leann. Amusing at times, but silly. And stupid.

Oy.

The Lovely Steph Leann:  (when asked, she laughed).  Um... it was okay.  I liked "Here Comes the Boom" better. 

Oh look... another picture of Amy Adams.  Go figure.

"THE TROUBLE WITH THE CURVE"
An aging baseball scout (Clint Eastwood) has been told by the Atlanta Braves, who he's been with for forever, that he's just not cutting it in this modern day society of technology and so on. So, Gus is given one last assignment by his boss (the underappreciated John Goodman), but also asks Gus' daughter Mickey (Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with) to join him to keep him straight. They scout a prospect in North Carolina, meet a young rival scout, played by Justin Timberlake, who also becomes interested in Mickey, and also has to fight off Braves executive Phillip Sanderson (Matthew Lillard, who is becoming pretty good at playing the sleaze) who wants Gus' job.

That's the movie. And its pretty good. Slow at times, but the story in engaging, and having a grizzly Eastwood, a really good Timberlake and Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, on screen doesn't hurt. PG-13 for language.

The Lovely Steph Leann sez:  I liked this movie. 


"PITCH PERFECT"
Yes, yes, this seems like Glee-Lite. Or Glee: The Non Concert Yet Still Musical Movie. It does seem like that. Don't be fooled... this movie is wonderful. An absolute delight of a film.

Anna Kendrick (r) and Rebel Wilson (l).  Rebel plays "Fat Amy".  Just
the name itself is hilarious. 

I love Anna Kendrick, which was the main reason for watching this film, and it made me happy that it was such a good movie. Kendrick is Beca, a student who is forced to go to college by her father, and ends up taking an internship at the college radio station. She ends up joining The Bellas, an all girl acapella group, who through much strife and drama (all girls, remember?), make it to the regional competition, taking on other groups like The Treblemakers, High Notes and my favorite name, Pitch Slapped.

Its quirky, its fun, co-star Rebel Wilson steals every scene she's in, and in a subtle shot at Glee, one of the categories of songs during a competition includes "Songs that Glee Ruined".

Some language gives it the PG-13 rating. Its one of those rare movies that I liked the more I thought about it, and am looking forward to watching it again.

The Lovely Steph Leann sez:  I LOVED THIS MOVIE... this movie was freakin' awesome. 


"PREMIUM RUSH"
So what happens when a bike messenger in New York City gets a package who's contents are so valuable, someone is trying to kill the messenger to get it? Thus is the question answered in "Premium Rush", this came-and-went-at-theaters little movie that feature JoGo Levitt, That Guy Michael Shannon and a few others that you might recognize, but won't remember their names.

Taking place in the span of 90 minutes, its this adrenaline rush of a film that takes place all over Manhattan, featuring chase scenes with bikes and cop cars and lots of action, even if the plot is a little predictable and unbelievable.

This is much like the Denzel film "Unstoppable"... its enjoyable from start to finish, and I liked the heck out of this movie. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is fun, Michael Shannon is a perfect creep, and the supporting cast is likable enough to keep the film going. Again, the plot is a bit far fetched, especially when you actually learn the contents of the bag, but still... check it out. PG-13 for language.


And finally... here's a few bonus quick reviews:



Why yes, Karl Urban does have this scowl during the entire movie.  And
that's part of its awesomocity.

"DREDD"... Great action flick. A billion times better than that Sly Stallone crap from the 90s. Violent, language, but well shot and lots of fun.

"AMERICAN REUNION"... The fourth in the American Pie series, and perhaps the best since the first one. The entire cast is back, and though its more of the same, its fun watching the characters try and act like adults for once. Rated R for lots of bad things, like the first one.

"WANDERLUST"... I wanted to like this movie alot, with Paul Rudd and Jennifer Aniston, as a couple who ends up in a strange commune in Georgia. Mildly funny, but it wasn't what I wanted it to be. Eh.

"BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD"... Really? Nominated for Best Picture? If I had stumbled across this quirky little flick on Netflix, I might have thought "well, that was kinda fun". But because its so ballyhooed and beloved by critics, I didn't expect it to be so... well, blah. Personally, I think it was acclaimed for only a few reasons: New Orleans. Post-hurricane. Poverty. Skip it.

"PIRANHA DD"... Run. Run from this movie. If someone holds a gun to your head, then take the bullet and hope for the best. Just sayin'.


So there ya go.  Hope you enjoyed our little dash through recent filmdom.  I tried to warn you what to expect in terms of language and boobage and the like, so please watch with caution.  And yes, I watch a ton of movies.  Don't hate. 

no one ever told me...

So, Campbell has his very first ever fever.  I say "first ever", as its the first one I know about... he might have had one here and there, but nothing noticeable and substantial...

...a few days ago, he was a little sluggish and even turned away his food--and just know, he NEVER turns away food... yesterday he coughed all day and had a fever... last night, he slept off and on for most of the day... we took him to the doc today, and naturally, he's pretty fine. 

He has his daddy's immune system, methinks. 

Fatherhood has been an interesting ride, and its no secret that I call Campbell Isaiah our "inconvenient blessing".  He's a definite blessing. And tax write off.  He smiles and you melt, he giggles and it makes you laugh with him, and when he is all cuddly, its the best.  He's a blessing.

But he is darn inconvenient... you know how many movies I saw at the theater in 2011?  38.  You know how many I watched in the theater in 2012?  Less than 10.  Seriously.  I've heard other parents say "Less than 10?!  I would be happy with 5 per year!" but I'm an avid movie goer and movie watcher...

He is darn inconvenient.  Never realized how inconvenient he would be.  There are a few other things that people didn't tell me... for instance...

No ever one told me...

...kids can hate car rides?  ALL I ever heard was "Oh, when Junior is upset, we just drive around the block a few times and he goes to sleep" and "Oh, when Little Mary is crying, we don't go home, we just keep driving and she just goes right out" or "Oh, when Bon Qui Qui is cranky, we just put her in the car seat and she just nods off immediately..."

Somehow, someway in my feeble little mind I just had this image of putting little Campbell, bawling his tiny little eyes out, and him just quieting down immediately, and then after a few miles in the Red Robin, he is just snoozing away...

Not so.  Oh, nay.  Nay. Nay, he say.

Matter of fact, Campbell hated that car seat, especially for the first few months.  He wailed and cried and screamed and went nuts... if you are familiar with Birmingham, and Highway 280 in particular, you'll know where I'm headed with this...

Usually after work at The Most Caffeinated Coffee Shop in Birmingham, I take a ride up the mountain to the Greystone area to pick up Little Pocket Change to bring him home (grandparents help to take care of him during the week).

Most of the time he is fine in his carseat... but as we crest the Brookhighlands Hill and get into the turning lane to leave 280 and turn onto Valleydale Road, somehow that is his 15 minute threshold.  And that is where he'd go nuts. In his own little baby squeal, he tells me, loudly, "Get me outta this carseat.... like, five minutes ago, Dad.  Now." 

I thought they loved carseats.  Not so.

No ever one told me...

...I'd have to be a chemist.  We make our own baby formula now, which we feed Campbell, along with fruits and veggies puree'd or chopped into tiny, soft cubes for consumption... but before, in his first few months of life, we used Enfimel, then Gerber's Gentle baby formula.

My bathroom counter for the first five months of my son's life

He had this schedule of waking up around 1am for a bottle... and around 330 or 4am for a bottle... so somehow, The Lovely Steph Leann and I had an unspoken system that just came to be... Campbell cried, I would roll out of bed, stumble into the nursery, pick him up, bring him to the groggy The Lovely Steph Leann, then trundle downstairs to the kitchen to make his bottle... a few scoops of powder, a little bit of water, tighten the cap, shaky shaky shaky, and pour into the bottle.

Then I would stumble back upstairs, hand the bottle off and go back to sleep.  Or stay awake, depending on The Lovely Steph Leann and if she needed me.  Finally, I wised up, and kept the water and powder and ingredients in our upstairs bathroom... so when I handed him off, I could just stumble into the bathroom...

And yet, I found myself at 128am measuring powder and pouring water into narrow bottles, all with sleepy eyes that sometimes let my hands pour powder onto the sink, or water onto the counter... once, I dumped the contents of the newly made formula into a bottle... one without the liner in it, so it went straight through the plastic cylinder and onto the counter and floor with a kersplash. 

I had to be a chemist in the middle of the night.  Really?  Seriously?

No one ever told me...

...that formula was so darn expensive!  Holy crap!   Like, 15 bucks a can, and not even a big can.  And diapers?  FORTY BUCKS FOR 176.... that seems like a lot of diapers, but when Chunk Monkey is filling it up five times per day, that doesn't last as long as you'd like. 

Not just diapers and wipes and bibs, oh my... oh no... nay... we got toys.  And onesies.  And pants.  And shorts.  And shields for the BluRay player.  Which don't work ($14 gone).  And baby gates.  And toy leashes.  And pacifiers.  And paci leashes. And bottles.  And nipples.  Fast nipples.  Slow nipples.  Medium nipples.  And drying mats.  And car seats.  Not one, but three.  One for when he's little.  One for when he's bigger.  One for the in-laws as well.  And the one that was for when he was little now has to be replaced by one since he's bigger.  And strollers.

Is there any need for a stroller to cost $300?  Three.  Hundred.  Bucks.  I was floored.

And don't even get me started on smocked outfits that cost $40 and $50 each, outfits that he will not be able to wear by May.  I don't own a stitch of clothing that cost me anywhere near $50...

No one ever told me...

... that I would so freaking tired.  All.  Of.  The.  Time. 

I don't mean lack of sleep... combined, my hours of sleep are almost normal.  In the years BC--before Campbell--I only slept 4 to 6 hours per night... Combined, in the early days of the kid being in our lives, I'd get that, 4, 5, sometimes 6 hours per night. 

But they were never consecutive.  Sometimes, it would be 3 hours, then wake up, then 2 hours, then wake up.  Sometimes, I'd get 2 hour stretches of sleep 3 seperate times during the night, each interrupted by 20 minutes of baby care. 

In my job, I'm rolling into work around 430 in the morning several days per week.  The Lovely Steph Leann doesn't get much more, as she has to get up many days around 5 or 530, so she can get ready and then deliver Campbell to our caretaker--namely, his Pops and GG. 

So, I'd get to sleep around 10.  I'd wake up at midnight.  Then I'd close my eyes again around 1230.  I'd sleep til 230.  I'd get to sleep around 245, then be awakened around 345.  Then its 4.  And I have to get up.

Campbell Isaiah was born in December 2011.  No joke--I literally did not dream, or at least remember any dream I had, until about April or May.  I could never get enough deep sleep to dream. 

And The Lovely Steph Leann had it worse.  She is used to 7, 8, maybe even 10 hours in the night.  She loves to sleep... well, I do too, but I do like getting stuff done too... and she will sleep anywhere and everywhere she can.  So for her to get cut down to 4 or 6 non-consecutive hours of sleep was pretty much devestating.  Yeah, I was tired... poor her, she was a zombie for 7 straight months.  And still has zombie-like moments, even with Campbell at 15 months old.

And finally...

No one ever told me...

...about night terrors. 

What the what? 

All you people told me about not having a life anymore, and how we'll give up things in our lives, and how we'll have to watch the same TV shows over and over and how we'll have to stop going to the movies and so on and so on and so forth...

But NONE of you people told me about night terrors.

Its 1245 in the morning.  I awake to Campbell screaming his fool head off.  The Lovely Steph Leann turns the lamp on.  Campbell Isaiah is absolutely going bonkers... and yet... no tears.  He is just wailing, but in some weird way, he's not even awake.  He's just looking around, making loud, screaming, crying sounds.  He's not looking at us, and all efforts to console him are completely ineffective...

Of course, we do the parent thing where we wonder if he's hurting, and whether he's hungry, and maybe when he fell off the bottom step and banged his head, you know, two months ago, maybe that is now coming back to hurt him...

So, I Google it.  And I come up with "Night terrors".  The kid begins to cry uncontrollably, but is not fully awake, so therefore won't produce tears many times.  Efforts to calm them down usually increases the problem, so the solution is to let them cry it out.  Or so I read.

The Lovely Steph Leann held him for about 10 minutes, then passed him to me.  I stood by the bed and held him while he squirmed and wiggled and cried and wailed... and in about 15 minutes... he laid his head on my shoulder and went back to sleep, as if nothing ever happened.

She and I looked at each other with a "What the crap was that?" look, shrugged, and went back to bed. 

I would have appreciated one of you, out of the hundreds, nay, thousands of people I know, telling me about this. 

Epic fail on all of you.

And as this kid gets older, I'm pretty sure this list will grow. 

the 2013 oscar blog

(scroll down for updates)

7:25... Here we are... the first blog of February, and its the Academy Awards... I love the Oscars, because I love movies, so once again, I'm excited to be watching it...

...And unlike the Golden Globes, its not a monsoon outside, which means the chances of satellite going out are slim to none. 

Me: The Lovely Steph Leann, what are you wearing?
The Lovely Steph Leann (blank stare)

Five minutes to GO!!!

728... I kinda feel like "Splash", aka "Celebrity Diving", is on the air because there was a bit too much vodka in the planning meeting...

Joseph Gordon-Levitt (is it Joseph-Gordon Levitt?) (l) and Harry Potter (r)
join Seth MacFarlane for a soft shoe dance as part of his opening monologue

730... And we begin.  Seth MacFarlane begins with a shout out to Tommy Lee Jones' grumbling... who ends up chuckling.

731p... Seth tells us that this years theme is celebrating music in film. Something tells me Annie 2 won't be mentioned.

732p... The obligatory "Win an Oscar, disappear from the industry" joke...

734p... Seth is trying, and mostly succeeding... you can tell he's testing his waters, getting a "oooh" from a Chris Brown & Rihanna joke.

735p... SHATNER!!!  SHATNER!!! SHATNER!!!

738p... What the... what is happening?  Boobs? 

739p... I'll admit it... "We Saw Your Boobs".. funny.  Really funny. 

739p... I just typed "We Saw your Boobs" for the first time in the history of this blog.  Ever.

741p... Another first.  "A Denzel Movie with Sock Puppets" (left)

742p... This is the best Oscar show in years. 

744p... Seth looks like a walking Easter Seal symbol... or a gay pope. 

745p... A real "Smokey and the Bandit" reference... in the Oscar monologue.  The first time Oscars and Smokey & the Bandit have ever been used together.

747p... Let's get to some awards!! 

748p... Octavia Spencer won last year for "The Help" for Best Supporting Actress... and she is out to give Best Supporting Actor to either Alan Arkin (Argo)... Bobby DeNiro (Silver Linings Playbook)... Phil Hoffman (The Master)... Tommy Lee Jones (Lincoln) and Chris Waltz (Django Unchained)...

My pick?  Tommy Lee Jones. 

Last year I did horribly at the Oscar picks...  this time?  Christoph Waltz for Django Unchained.... wow.  Wow.  He has now TWO Oscars for Tarantino Films.

This is good, though... Tommy Lee Jones didn't win, so he got the smiling out of the way.  No more grins for the rest of the evening.

752p... So... as he walks off, they play the theme from ET:  The Extra Terrestrial.  What the what??

Commercial Break

755p... Paul Rudd!  I love Paul Rudd!!  Even though he was in "My Idiot Brother", which is terrible.  Melissa McCarthy looks like a beluga whale in her grey dress, and her too-much-blush-cheeks.

756p... Paul Rudd looks like he stepped out of a 1977 Scorsese film

757p... Paul and Melissa pick up the Best Animated Short for "Paperman", a delightful little movie... I go 1-1 so far.

759p... The popular choice is "Brave" for Best Animated Film because its Pixar... but I went with Wreck-It-Ralph.  "Brave" wins.

Here's my original review of "Brave"

8p... Reese Witherspoon. 

Wow. 

Wow.

That is all.

801p... Because there are 114 films nominated for Best Picture, they are doing away with the "Famous Actor Introducing One Nominted Film" thing, having Reese present "Les Miserables", "The Life of Pi" and "Beasts of the Southern Wild".

804p... Quavenzene Wallace, nominated for Beasts of the Southern Wild, looks up as Seth MacFarlane gives her a shout out.

Quavenzene:  Why is that white man saying my name?

805p... Hulk, Iron Man, Captain America, Hawkeye and Nick Fury come out to banter and do Cinematography...

806p... SAMUEL L. JACKSON'S JACKET--FOR THE WIN

807p... I chose Life of Pi... and it wins.  Life of Pi will rack up several of these lesser awards tonight, I predict.

809p... I think Lucius Malfoy is giving an Oscar speech

810p... Visual Effects... I again chose Life of Pi... I love being right.

811p... So the "Get Done With Your Speech Music" is... Jaws?!  That's HILL-AIR-EEOUS

Commercial Break

816p... Seth introduces Channin Tatum and Jennifer Aniston, two people so beautiful that somehow, I almost think their kids would be butt-ugly.

817p... And the award for Costume Design goes to Anna Kareninninanninana... when do you stop the last name...?

819p... "Hairstyling" added to the "Makeup" category... and there is only three films nominated... I guess they would either have to add "Hairstyling", or "Les Miserables" would run unopposed...

820p... I wonder how much of Les Mis' win was for the butchering of Anne Hathaway's hair...

821p... Halle Berry out now.  Does it make me a bad person, or gay, if she doesn't appeal to me? 

822p... My buddy Mikey Nipp is peeing himself right about now... Bond Tribute time. 

We are treated to an extended Bond Tribute, full of clips and snips from all 23 James Bond movies.  I'm just not a huge fan.  I mean, I liked a few here and there, but none are considered "favorites" of any kind. 

826p... I think I'm too young to appreciate Shirley Bassey... and probably 1/3 of the crowd is clapping because they don't want to be on camera not clapping. 

Commercial Break

830p... I know Connery is retired, and maybe Daniel Craig is too busy... but Dalton, Lazenby, Moore and probably Brosnan were free, I'm sure.  They couldn't have been recruited for that video montage? 

831p... Kerry Washington and Jamie Foxx, stars of Django Unchained, come out, looking almost as beautiful, though not quite, as Channing and Jen earlier.

832p... K-Wash and J-Foxx are here to give us the Best Live Action Short Film winner... I chose Buzkashi Boys, a shot in the dark.  I feel like Oscar ballots should give you a five or six word description about these short films... "Curfew" wins.  Whatever that is.

835p... Winners are now talking fast, in fear of the "Jaws" music..

835p... Best Documentary Short.  The Oscar goes to Inocente... I picked Redemption.  Again, who knows?! 

837p... Seth MacFarlane is back up now, introducing Liam Neeson, the original Darkman. 

837p... Liam has a very special set of skills

838p... "Argo"... "Lincoln"... "Zero Dark Thirty"... the films that Liam is introducing.

FYI.... Here's my review of "Argo"

841p... Seth tells us the other actors who played Lincoln... and said "the actor who really got into Lincoln's head is John Wilkes Booth... too soon?"

842p... Ben Affleck comes out to present the Documentary Feature...

843p... Not gonna lie... I liked Reindeer Games.  Its a big more watchable than Good Will Hunting.

844p... Searching for Sugarman takes the Oscar.

Commercial Break

849p... Jennifer Garner... gorgeous or hideous?  I just cannot tell.  I don't know the answer.  I struggle with it.

849p... Jessica Chastain?  Elegant.  Not gorgeous, but elegant. 

850p... Best Foreign Film.  Not sure how "Amour" can be nominated for Best Picture and NOT win this award.  Aaaaand... I'm right.

852p... Christoph + this guy for Amour = 2 Austrian Oscar Wins! 

852p... Seth tells us about the Oscar Orchestra... who are performing down the street for the show! 

852p... John Travolta comes out... I mean, onstage, not out-out...

853p... Travolta has a harder time saying "Miserables" than I do.  I didn't add the "s" on the end, he added four more syllables. 

855p... Catherine Zeta-Jones, singing a song from "Chicago"... and not sounding nearly as good as she did in "Chicago" 10 years ago...

857p... Zeta-Jones... a member of the "Angelina Jolie Chicks That I'm Supposed to Find Hot But Don't" Club...

858p... Jennifer Hudson is singing "And I Am Telling You That I Am Not Going", from DreamGirls... notably, the song that probably won her the Best Supporting Actress Oscar.  American Idol, anyone?

9p... Holy schmoly crap.  Jennifer Hudson just smacked that song around and said "I'm your mama, now shut up".  That was freakin' awesome.

9p... The Lovely Steph Leann just perked up as Colin Firth Member Hugh Jackman came on stage, singing. 

The Colin Firth Club:  Those that The Lovely Steph Leann would consider leaving me for... see:  Downey Jr, Robert... Whitford, Bradley... Firth, Colin... Bon Jovi, Jon

903p... The cast of Les Mis comes out to sing "One Day More'... including Russell Crowe. 

I imagine this conversation a month ago:

Agent:  Russ, you have to sing again
Russell Crowe:  What?  What do you mean? 
Agent:  In your contract
Russell:  People made fun of me singing!!
Agent:  Its in your contract, Russ
Russell:  #*&&#  (throws phone)

908p... Chris Pine and Zoe Saldana, from Star Trek, and according to Seth, "Future Priceline.com spokespeople" are out... discussing the Tech Awards.

910p... Mark Wahlberg... and Ted, from the movie "Ted"... I haven't seen it.. sheepishly, I want to.

911p... Sound Mixing... I chose The Life of Pi.  The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Wrong.  Les Mis.  Its the live singing." 

912p... And its Les Mis.  "I told you!  Live singing!  Live singing, baby!"

914p... Two presenters... one is funny and animated and fake... the other is Ted, the teddy bear.  Oh!

915p... Sound Editing... I picked Zero Dark Thirty.  THERE IS A TIE?!?!

916p... Skyfall and Zero Dark Thirty pick up the Oscars... a Tie!?!

915p... Like, two Oscars?  A Tie?  Couldn't they do a run-off?  Or a vote tonight, with the audience, with just these two films in the running?

917p... Last tie?  Streisand and Hepburn in 1969 for Best Actress, for (I think) Funny Girl and Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, respectively...

(screaming kid... not at The Oscars, but at my house...)

922p... Seth is making some Sound of Music references... but we have a screaming kid.  Kinda killing the joke for me.  Darn you, Campbell Isaiah.

922p... Christopher Plummer comes out to present the award for Best Supporting Actress... he won Best Supporting Actor last year for the family comedy "I'm Old and Gay", or something like that. 

925p... So, they gave out the award for Supporting Actress just now.. but we are 3 minutes behind.  Campbell is just going bonkers. 

925p... Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, is nominated... I love her.  I really do.  She'll win hers one day, a la Kate Winslet.

925p... And the award goes to... Anne Hathaway.  The award should actually go to whoever said "Hey, let's just keep the camera on her for one, long single shot..."

I dreamed a dream that theeeeey... would stop talking about... my haaair...

927p... PRINCESS MIA GOT AN OSCAR!!! SHUT!!! UP!!!

930p... Didn't notice it til just now... must be... well, cold in there. 

The summation of the last few minutes... Campbell Isaiah woke up, screaming... I had to run and get the cookies we were cooking out of the oven... then toss in his dinner... making peas... sweet potatoes... plums... and a bottle of prune juice/water... some older dude is speaking about student films... and... we're about 10 minutes behind.  Sigh.

I love my kid.  But we are only having one.  That's all I can deal with.  Sigh.

944p... Sandra Bullock is onstage... Best Film Editing is the award she's giving out... William Goldenberg for "Argo"...

946p... 13 awards given, I've gotten 7 right.  This night is a disaster.

947p... Jennifer Lawerence is exquisite.  Not sure I have any other words for it...

948p... Adele is singing "Skyfall"... its nominated for Best Original Song... I chose "Pi's Lullaby" as the winner of that category, and this is what I regret the most--I should have gone "Skyfall". 

949p... Adele is 24 years old.  I cannot tell you what a bumbling no-direction hunk o'junk I was at 24.  Or 34.  Or now, actually.

Commercial Break

950p... Nicole Kidman comes out to present the final three Best Picture Nominees... "Silver Linings Playbook"... "Django Unchained"... and "Amour"

953p... Harry Potter and Bella from Twilight are onstage together.   Kristen Stewart looks miserable, all the time.  All.  The.  Time.

955p... Daniel Radcliffe, they are called tweezers.

956p... Seth calls out Salma Hayek... I think her neck has been lengthened by 8 inches due to that dress.  Like, her dress is a volcano, and her face erupted.

959p... I think Salma was honoring those who won special awards.  Then again, she could have been telling me a great recipe for Guadalajara bacon crispers, and I wouldn't know it.

Commercial Break

1001p... And here comes George Clooney. 

1001p... The In Memorium segment... and Campbell quiets down.  He knows how to respect Michael Clark Duncan and Ernest Borgnine.  Re-cah-nize.

1003p... Adam Yauch from The Beastie Boys gets a nod.  As does one half of the Sherman Brothers. 

1004p... Barbra Streisand.  Blech.

1006p... She is honoring the late composer Marvin Hamlisch.  If I were Marvin, I'd be rolling in my grave.  Any a'yall play Barbra at my funeral, and I'm coming back to knock some teeth out.

1007p... This exchange:
Me:  Since we are still a few minutes behind, we can definitely fast forward this
The Lovely Steph Leann (dirty look)

1009p... Seth MacFarlane comes back out, Campbell cries.  Maybe he just doesn't like Family Guy like I hoped he would.

1010p... The cast of "Chicago" comes out--Gere, Latifah, Zeta-Jones and Jewel!

1010p... Renee Zellweger looks like she's perpetually trying to hide pain. 

1011p... And the winner for Best Score is... The Life of Pi...

1012p... I was secretly hoping John Williams would win for "Lincoln" so the Jaws theme could play him off stage.

1013p... Queen Latifah tells us the Best Song category is up now...

1014p... Why didn't someone tell me "Chasing Ice" was about our melting glaciers and how American Republicans are destroying the Earth?   And whats more, why isn't that winning everything?

1017p... So now, the award goes to "Skyfall" from "Skyfall", sung by Adele.  The first Academy Award to go to a Bond film. 

1019p... "Gotta fank the acahdummy..."

Commercial Break (and finally back on live TV!)

1022p... Charlize Theron comes out with Dustin Hoffman...

1022p... This probably happened:

Charlize:  So, cut my hair like Anne's in that Les Mis movie
Stylist:  Before the cut or after?
Charlize:  After

1023p... And its time for the Final Six--Picture, Director, Acting and Writing...

1024p... For Adapted Screenplay... the winner is Argo.  I'm a little shocked that Beasts didnt get it. 

1026p... For Original Screenplay... the winner is Django Unchained.  That's fantastic.  No, seriously... that's awesome. 

1028p... The Oscars are only 2 minutes from ending!  Or supposedly ending.  Looks like it might not end on time.  But it will probably end before next year's start.

Commercial Break

1032p... Seth introduces Hollywood Legends, Jane Fonda and Michael Douglas--who starred together in The China Syndrome... not a bad movie. 

1033p... Best Director Award.  And its...

1034p... ANG LEE for Life of Pi.  What the what?

1034p... They should give him 3.14 minutes to accept the award.

1035p... Campbell is crying again.  He must have known Ang was the same dude who not only directed "Brokeback Mountain", but also "Hulk".

Commercial Break

1040p... Jean Deajunana (sp?) from The Artist is out to give the Best Actress Award... camera cuts to Kristen Stewart, who looks unhappy and unimpressed--meaning, her usual self.

1042p... Great goodness... please don't let Quivenzhannena win this.  Not because I dislike her, but because Beasts of the Southern Wild is NOT A GOOD MOVIE

Whoops

1043p... Jennifer Lawrence wins for "Silver Linings Playbook"!!!  And she trips on the way up...

1044p... Hugh Jackman rushes to help her.  The Lovely Steph Leann:  He's so gallant.  Happy sigh.

1045p... So Katniss can shoot a precise arrow, but can't climb a staircase? 

1045p... Seth just says "Our next presenter needs no introduction", and drops mic and walks off.  That was a great move

1046p... Everyone all together:

Daniel

Day

Lewis

For Lincoln

That was easy.

1046p... During the nomination readings, The Lovely Steph Leann sighed, "Oh... Hugh Jackman was so awesome... so... so awesome..."

1048p... Out of all the "Flight" clips, they show the one from the end?  That's like showing a Bruce Willis clip from "The Sixth Sense" when he realizes he's dead... geez.

1049p... Watch closely.  Meryl Streep doesn't even open the envelope. No joke.

1050p... "Before Lincoln, I was committed to playing Margaret Thatcher... and Meryl was scheduled to play Lincoln..."  The delivery is fantastic.

1051p... Daniel Day-Lewis has reached Spielberg & Streep status... that is, "Don't dare play them offstage..."

1052p... Seth introduces Jack Nicholson to present Best Picture. 

1053p... And Jack sends it up to... Michelle Obama at the White House?  What is the point of...?  What?

1054p... So, Michelle just talks about movies, and then asks Jack to do the nominees?  Seriously?  That was pointless.

1055p... If Les Mis wins this, The Lovely Steph Leann's head might explode with Hugh Jackman glee

1055p... And Michelle Obama opens the envelope, and its.. Argo!

1058p... So three producers--Affleck, Clooney and Some Guy... and since Ben didn't get a directing nomination (for which Ang Lee is thankful), you'd think Some Guy would let him talk... and finally, Some Guy lets Ben talk.

1059p... Argo is a great, great film. 

11p... If directly following Gigli, you knew an Affleck film would win Best Picture, raise your hand... (crickets chirping)

1104p... Kristen Chenoweth and Seth MacFarlane sing us off into the night, nodding to the losers of the evening... and thats our 2013 Academy Awards... thanks for reading!

1105p:  Argo to bed now...

Seth is being brutalized by the press for a terrible Oscar hosting job.. first, I think he did pretty good.  Secondly, I know
even know who would do a good job... even Billy Crystal's return was met with bad reviews.  And, I do love Kristen
Chenoweth, all 4ft 9 inches of her.