A Captive No More

Believing there's freedom in a life lived forgiven.

Tonight, in my quiet time, I was reading Jeremiah 29:11 & 12. I've been working through the "31 Days of Prayer" book that my church, Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship) has been sending us through, preparing us for the Worldreach Missions Week.

For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. Thats verses 11 and 12.

Even though it didn't say it, I read on to verse 13... You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Is that why I'm having a hard time finding him? Not seeking with all my heart?

Then I read 14 and it all came home. It says "I will be found by you and will bring you back from captivity." My commentary in my Bible's footnotes say "God may be preparing you, as he did the people of Judah, for a new beginning with Him in the center."

Somehow it clicked. No more NBC. New life at Starbucks. Struggles with habitual sin, only to be broken free by Him. A feeling of restlessness for months now, like there is something else, like there is something more for me to do... something... something. One day. Perhaps not now, but God has a purpose for my life, for my life with Stephanie, for my life at Valleydale, for my life in Hiim. Something. Something. I dont know what, but something.

Sin is such a captor. It keeps you from learning, it keeps you from seeking, it keeps you from desiring. From growing. From being in his will. Let sin be, it won't let you be. Suddenly, you just feel complacent. Then one day you just wake up and decide, "you know what? this sucks. life is more than this." Then you pull out the Sword and begin to go through it. Then prayer becomes more prevelant. Then Scripture becomes more necessary. Then things begin to click, at least with whats happened so far.

Its really late, I'm really tired, but I felt I had to share what God was sharing with me. "I will bring you back from captivity."

A captive no more, I delight in You, God. I desire in You, Lord. I want to see Your face, I want to lead Stephanie with an open heart and a faithful spirit. Here I am at freakin' 12:21am, just typing aimlessly (if this isn't what a blogsite is for, I dont know then)... I'm sleepy, but I can't sleep because I know I haven't been in the Word so far today. And I'm guessing that for the first time, something clicked. Something in the Word is filling me with Joy. Even just a small taste of the freedom, learning to live in the freedom that is Christ's forgiveness...

Here's some lyrics to one of my all time favorite Christian songs, one by Jill Paquette.

Throwing off the fetters and working on a smile.
Because its time that I felt better oh than I have in a while
I want to say I need You, don't leave until I try
Because I've been holding onto shadows, holding them inside

And they come from what I've learned in life and they put my faith to the test
Testing my drive, pulling me under, but hope won't be kept down forever

Lift my eyes, I've seen light lost to darkness, but You made a promise
So lift my eyes, trusting You wil be faithful, I'll do all that I'm able
Believing there's freedom in a life lived forgiven.

No room here for the both of you, but who should I ask to go?
One holding out my Pardon, one holding all I've ever known
Love tells me without speaking, resonating in my soul
With a light that's ever reaching, ever letting me go

And some things make me want to hide from life, and some things put my faith to the test
Testing my drive and it's not over, oh no, its not nearly finished yet

Lift my eyes, I've seen light lost to darkness, but You made a promise
So lift my eyes, trusting you will be faithful, I'll do all that I'm able
Believing there's freedom in a life lived forgiven.

Believing there's freedom in a life lived forgiven.

I believe it.

How about you?