Five Years Later: Where Some of You Were

On Monday, I sent out a simple email to random people in my email address book and on my myspace page: Amidst all the tributes and specials about 9/11, tell me where you were on that day. I asked that there be no political jargon, just a simple “here’s what was happening with me when I found out” kind of thought. And I got a lot of responses. Below are some of the best, some of them have been edited for space, but none so much as to lose the sentiment behind it. To you who responded whom I didn't quote here, I say, Thank You... and to you who allowed me to post your thoughts, I say Thank You even more.

It’s one of those things that, to use a much over-used cliché, “you’ll always remember where you were.” For the greatest generation, that was Pearl Harbor. For the baby boomers, it was when JFK was shot. For our generation, it was 9/11.

Katy Sexton, then some chick I didn’t know, now one of my favorite people in the world – My friend Allison and I had planned a short vacation together to San Antonio and then Austin, Texas. The morning of the 11th we were in our hotel room in San Antonio and I was in the bathroom and Allison was watching TV in the room. She was just glued to the TV staring at it not saying anything. I came into the room and she said "look at this"! And then I saw one of the towers on TV on fire and smoke pouring out of it. We were speechless, far away from home. It was very depressing and very sad. We didn't cry about it then though. We weren't scheduled to come home for several days so we just stayed there and hung out. We flew home with no problems. Once I landed at the B’ham Airport I just broke down and sobbed like a baby.

Meredith Watkins, then Meredith Tisdale, a student at Belmont University, now Meredith Watkins and a good friend of mine from Valleyd Church (an sbc fellowship) – I walked into my dance class (college elective) and over heard people talking about it. My first thoughts were trying to sort through recent movies I had seen and trying to figure out which one it was. As conversation continued I realized it was not a drama on the screen but a live act in play. Second thought, which airline. First emotion, horror. My brother had just started to fly as a flight attended. Praise the Lord he was not flying. As I watched the two towers collapse along w/ a hundred other students and teachers in the library, my thoughts were "Is this the worst of it, or has a nation wide attack just begun?..."

Personally, I have a few of these events… the first was probably the Challenger exploding in 1986 (I was in Mrs. Wikel’s social studies class when they told us). Next was the Berlin Wall tumbling down in 1989 (I was in my room, watching tv when the news broke—sadly, I missed the performance by The Hoff). I was in a Bible study at Lisa Turk’s house when we heard about the Oklahoma City bombing in 1995. I was two blocks away from the tragedy when the Olympics were bombed in 1996. And in 2001, I was in a radio station, like you, watching it unfold live on tv.

Kourtney Kelley, now freshman at Carsen-Newman College, then a 8th grader at Oak Mountain middle school – I was on a school field trip at a camp during which the faculty and administration decided to hide the attacks from us so as to not upset us while we climbed walls, did trust falls and other team building exercises. I think they should have packed us all up and taken us back to the school because not only did we not know what was going on, our parents could not get a hold of us either. While the rest of the country watched it piece by piece, I had everything thrown at me at once as I stared at the TV screen of my room, alone and bewildered.

So, I wanted to know where you were. I’ve told you my story, which you can actually read much more in depth here, a posting I actually wrote in 2002 after I visited Ground Zero 11 months after 9/11, and I put it this site last year at this time. It also features several people giving their story of where they were, including Stephanie’s.

Tyler Campbell, then a 7th grader, now a senior at Spain Park High School – I remember exactly where I was: 7th grade in Mr. Coker's English class. The day was going pretty good until some one came knocking on the door to turn the TV on. Something about the World Trade Centers being hit. I had no idea what the World Trade Centers were or where they were... I remember Mr. Coker explaining some it to us when we saw the 2nd airplane hit the other tower. The only thing I could think to do at that moment was to pray. I had no idea who these people were or what was really going on, but I knew it wasn’t good and that they needed God more than ever.

You know, its funny, that question. No other question can be asked to get the kind of response than “Where were you?” Everyone says almost the same thing, that they turned on the TV, saw the second plane, saw the towers fall and such… yet, everyone has a different take on it. Everyone on this page was at a different point in there life, some in college, some in high school, some were not parents then, maybe even not married, and yet, through this one tragic event, we were all united under a similar circumstance.

Brooke Smith, then student at Alabama, now reporter for NBC 13 – I was in bed…off at college at the University of Alabama. I was awakened by my mother’s frantic voice…”Our nation is under attack”. I woke up and turned on the news…just in time to see the second plane hit. My first thought was…this is it…WWIII. I went to class that day…some didn’t…some where thinking the same thing as me.

Cindy Warner, friend of mine from Valleydale – I was on my way back to Birmingham from a very early morning meeting and as I was coming back into Birmingham, the FAA had grounded all planes and they were just swarming over I-20 coming in to land at the airport. The wings were casting these spooky looking shadows over the interstate - it was very scary. I couldn't help but wonder if they were really going to land at the airport, or whether one was going to go crash into the SouthTrust or Harbert Plaza building downtown. Once I got back to my office, I watched, as most people did, in total amazement as the two towers came crashing down. I learned later that a good friend of mine, Pam West, had lost her New York firefighter boyfriend, Denis Germaine, 33, that day. He had just visited her in July and they had come over to our house for dinner. We had grilled steaks and sat out on our deck and talked for hours. Just three months later... he was gone. A true hero of 9/11, he had rushed into those buildings to save others. They never found him, nor any evidence of him. He just vanished that day in those buildings.

Many of the people that responded to my email I didn’t even know five years ago. Some I barely knew two years ago. And yet, out of everything, this is the one event that we all share. So here are the rest of the responses… some short, some long, some leading to lifelong decisions, others just leading to reflections and tears. Some of my favorite people in the world answer the question “Where were you when the world stopped turning?”

Paula Mackey, then dating Ken Mackey, now married to Ken Mackey – I was driving to Ga. for some job training at a big paper mill and when I heard the news, I hesitated on whether to turn around and come home closer to my children or not, but decided to go on. If I had seen this on TV, I would have chosen to go home. I was stunned and moved and inspired by those involved who were doing what they could in the midst of this tragedy. I realized how much I loved my then “boyfriend” and needed to make that commitment of marriage with him. We were engaged in Nov. 01 and married March 16th 2002 and Nicole was born that following November (My blessings that came from 9/11)

Paula Maddox, mother of one my kids in WalkAbout middle school drama – I was in my car driving to work listening to the Rick and Bubba show when Mark Prator said something just happened to one of the Twin Towers in New York. The one major memory that sticks out most, is the people who made the decision to jump out of the windows from the top of the towers. What despair they must have felt, what they must have felt to think that was what they needed to do to get away from the fire. The other will be the phone conversations from the towers or the planes to loved ones telling them good-bye.

Gary & Margie Eubanks, one of my most admired couples in the whole world – (Margie) We were getting ready for school/work and Gary's business partner called. I answered the phone, and he just said "Margie, turn on the TV. A plane just crashed into the twin towers". I thought it was a joke at first so I turned on the TV. We watched as the second planed crashed into the second tower. We saw it when they fell. We almost could not believe what we were seeing. A friend of ours was working in Manhattan that day. All we could do was pray.
(Gary) I remember seeing the images for the first time and although not understanding at the time the full scope of what was actually happening, I had this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that life wouldn't just go on as "normal" from this point forward. I also remembering questioning everyday things for a short period of time, like "Should we even take our kids to school-are they safe?" I showed my kids, Josh and Meagan (7 and 6) the footage of 9/11 for the first time several months ago...they do not fully grasp the magnitude of the disaster, and could not understand why someone would do that. They do not understand just yet how evil the ruler of this present world is! Praise God we know how the story ends!

Nikki Preede, then a friend from TSU and reporter at Fox 6, now a friend and reporter at WJXT in Jacksonville, FL – I was working the night shift at WBRC in Birmingham at the time so... I was sleeping. My mom called to tell me to turn on the TV... that a plane had just flown into the Twin Towers. This was really scary because 1) my dad was a commercial pilot and 2) I grew up just outside NYC and have friends that work in the Towers. At first, I was certain that it was some sort of crazy accident... then the 2nd plane hit the 2nd tower. I called my mom back and told her that I loved her... then I called in to work. It was a really long couple of days on the job... and I've never cried so much at work –

Ben Caver, then student and fledgling musician, now musician and fledgling firefighter - I was in class in Birmingham, AL when the first plane hit. I started getting messages from friends telling me to find a TV… I got up and turned it on just as the second plane hit. I didn't know what to think other than it just didn't seem real. I basically camped out with the news the rest of the day watching as much of everything as I could, wishing I were there. The whole day inspired me to start volunteering with my local fire dept and that has now grown into what I hope is a long career.

Jennifer Atchison Dale, friend of mine from TSU, now a WKRG news producer in Mobile, AL - At the time, I was producing the noon show. I was told to come on in if possible, a plane had crashed into the WTC and it was going to be a busy news day. I assumed it was some two-seater… and to my shame, I remember thinking, “At least I will have something to put in my show.” When I pulled into the parking lot, our assignment editor was getting out of his car. He yelled, “Another plane just hit the other tower!” I walked in, and we all stood in front of the bank of televisions watching the news. The worst moment was when the first tower collapsed. I heard screaming down the hall. Our sales manager's brother was inside. After the plane hit, he had called her to tell her he was fine, but he was the emergency director, or something similar, for his floor and had to get everyone out before he could leave. He died. You know something? When a hurricane is headed our way, the phones in the newsroom ring off the hook. I don't remember the phones ringing that day. For the next three days, no crime. Everyone was watching TV.

Matt Latta, then a student at Lee University, now married to Ginger and a new proud father - I will never forget how that day unfolded. I was beginning my sophomore year at Lee University and I lived in an apartment near the campus. Ginger was teaching some autistic children on campus that morning for part of her internship and she was going to come to my apartment at 9:30 for us to go to Tuesday chapel. I was still asleep that morning when my cell phone rang. I looked and saw that it was my mother. She told me that I better get up and turn on the TV, that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center. Still kinda dazed, I went downstairs and turned it on Fox News to see what was going on. As soon as I started watching, the second plane flew into the towers and I knew that something was going on.

A few minutes later, Ginger walked in… She sat down with me and we watching in horror as the first tower collapsed, and then the second. We were completely stunned and didn't know what to do. While we didn't want to leave the TV, we felt like we really needed to go to chapel. We sat down with hundreds of frantic students, wondering what was going on and if everyone's families and friends were ok. We spent the hour praying, as a university, for everyone in New York and Washington and for our President.
When the service was over, I went to my Microbiology class… the teacher cancelled class so we all hurried home to watch the events unfold. I arrived back at my apartment to find my three roommates, all having just returned from US Marine Boot Camp over the summer packing their things thinking that they were about to be called into active duty.
The University had planned a candle-light vigil for that evening to pray again for the people involved and we felt compelled to attend. As I stood in the dark, holding a candle, listening to the prayers and songs of so many dedicated people crying out to God, somehow I knew we would be ok.
After the service, I rushed to my car to hear the President Bush's primetime speech on the radio, since I would not make it home in time to see it on TV. I will never forget the scene as I opened all of the doors of my car and people from all walks of life, many of us strangers to each other only moments before, began to crowd around the radio to hear our President tell of the day's events. It was like a scene from a movie- all of us joined together by our identity as Americans and as Christians.
I had a hard time falling asleep that night, yet somehow, through my anxious anger and heavy heart, I knew that God was in control. My roommates never got called into active duty, but we all knew we would never be the same. The world was a different place now.
As I sit here, five years later, holding my newborn daughter and thinking about that night I am overwhelmed with the same feelings I had that day. Sometimes I wonder what kind of world we have brought this precious child into. But then I am reminded that our God is greater than this world, and we have an amazing kingdom awaiting us after this world fades away. Thank God for perspective.

I think I might make this a yearly thing. Perhaps next year, I'll ask about twenty other people, and see what they have to say. Thanks for reading. We'll lighten the mood next time, I promise.

Five Years Later: Today's Thoughts

Not like you can miss it.

Today, of course, is the 5th anniversary of the Attack on American Soil, and I've just finished watching ABC's behemoth "Path to 9/11", with 2 hours and 45 minutes last night, plus 2 1/2 hours tonight (not to mention a twenty minute speech from the Prez right in the middle of it). There were no commercials--I think that was because no one would sponsor it.

First, I have a lot I want to say... I have my thoughts on Clinton sending his lawyers to ABC to block airing the movie because he didn't like how he was portrayed, and there are thoughts on what went wrong and how stupid our government--Dubya included--can be...

...but I'll hold it for later. Not today. No politics today. Just thoughts on five years ago.

I've told the story before, but I'm sure I have a lot of new readers, at least five more now, so I'll share my little tale... I was working at Oldies 106.9 (first The Point, then The Eagle) with Rob & Shannon, who are now working at Magic 96. I was an intern producer, learning the ropes of the board and such, and we had just finished discussing old record albums with some guy from San Francisco (found out my King & I soundtrack vinyl record is worth about $8), when Ericka Woode, also then at Oldies 106.9 now back with Magic 96, called in and said "Hey guys... turn on the television. The World Trade Center is on fire."

We turned it on, and sure enough, there is one of the largest buildings in the world with smoke billowing out of the one of the top floors. Needless to say, no one was prepared for the plane that came along a few minutes later, crashing into Tower 2, and of course, what followed that morning. I won't get into all of it, because if you've watched any tv today, you've relived it already--and you should. I think a problem we are having in this country is we don't see images anymore. We don't see what happened, because "its too horrible... we need to heal... we need to not see those terrible things", while I contend that sometimes--maybe not often, maybe not all the time--but just sometimes, we need to be reminded what happened, why we are at war and what we went through.

That's all I will say about that, at least for now. What I do want to do, though, is give you some of my favorite 9/11 tributes. Entertainment Weekly did something on their page today, so I thought I would echo. Here are a few videos, books, shows and other things that I have really found introspective, informing, and just great.

"In Memoriam" on HBO. This is an amazing documentary. It chronicles the events as they happen, following Mayor Guiliani that morning as he, like the rest of the world, begins to realize how big the events are. Its pulled from 100+ sources, like audio, video, phots and such. Perhpas the most gut-wretching scene is the unknown man who is hanging out one of the top floors of the WTC. The fire is raging about 20 stories below him, and he's just waving a white towel, awaiting rescue. And the NYFD can do nothing, and they know it.

In one shot from a helicopter, you see a tower collapsing. The pilot is just shouting "It's gone! It's gone! HO-LY CRAP!!". Because its on HBO, you can already know some of the things you are see are very, very disturbing... and very, very real.

"United 93". Never has a movie pumped me up and ticked me off at the same time. This film is brilliant. I went to see it last April when it came out, all by myself, because I knew I couldn't watch it with anyone, not even Stephanie. It deals almost exclusively with United 93, and its passengers that took back the plane (crashing in Shanksville, PA), and the FAA. Some of the air traffic controllers and administrators actually play themselves, and even though you know the outcome, you are still just as shocked as everyone slowly discovers what is going on around them. And in one thing you've not seen, you see the terror in the terrorists eyes... they believe in what they are doing, but then again, they are still scared, especially when the passengers stage an uprising.


You know the ending, but you get goosebumps anyway

And in a funny moment, if you can find one, one single passengers begs the other passengers to just sit, and perhaps talk to the hijackers, to understand whats going on... a total "just sit back and they'll leave us along" mentality. The funny part? The guy is French.

102 Minutes by Jim Dwyer and Kevin Flynn... chronicles the 102 minutes that transpired between Tower 1 being hit, then it falling (Tower 2 was the 2nd to be hit, but the 1st to fall). It gives first person accounts of everyone from business people to police, fire and port authority officers, and great stories of survival, with heartbreaking stories of loss. One story that sticks out is Ed Beyua, who was confined to a wheelchair from a pre-existing medical condition, and was working on the 27th floor with his friend Abe. Abe could have left at any time... but stayed with his friend Ed. Because the elevators were down, there was no way for Ed to get out. They both died when the tower collapsed.

It gives you history of the towers, good and bad, and some of the problems that existed between the NYPD and the NYFD which was magnified with 9/11. There is a list in the back of people, people accounted for in the book that perished somehow in the towers, or in Tower 7, the Marriott hotel in between 1 and 2. Everytime I read a new name, I would flip to the back to see if they made it. Sometimes they did... sometimes they didn't, and when they didn't, you would read on to determine how they died. Sometimes in the blaze. Sometimes from jumping. Sometimes you'd read their last phone call to their loved one. While its an easy read, its not a breezy read.

"The Path to 9/11", on ABC. It should be available on iTunes in the very near future. Watched part 1 last night, part 2 tonight, and I gotta tell ya... its pretty good. To keep from playing politics, I'll only say thing... ABC has always contended this is a "dramatization of events, based on the 9/11 commission report, interviews and some parts have been fictionalized." And the left went nuts, because this movie does not portray the Clinton administration in a very good light.

The fact that NYTimes hated it, Washington Post said it was a factual mess and Clinton sued ABC to keep from airing it proves that you should see it. Yes, much of it was fictionalized... but the parts where we had chances to catch and/or kill bin Laden, but didn't due to the bumbling of Clinton's guys... yeah, that happened. The movie only shows it happening two or three times. It actually happened about 8 to 10 times. Not kidding.

Even if you don't agree with my assessment of Clinton, what the movie truly does is put the blame where it really belongs--on the terrorists. They are evil men who's only passion it to kill Americans because "its God's will", and that is truly frightening. And frighteningly true.

Of course, its okay to make a film called "Death of a President", where President Bush is assassinated--that's art--but don't you dare question the Clinton administration. That's hate speech. Wait, I'm talking politics...

"Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning?" by Alan Jackson. It was one of the country music award shows, and Alan Jackson was slated to perform. I think it was October. He sat on a stool with his acoustic guitar, and sang this simple song. And it was moving. What I liked about it is that it pretty much represented everyone--it wasn't vengeful, it wasn't angry... it was just a ballad asking "Where were you?". Because we all know.

David Letterman's Monologue. In the first "Late Show with David Letterman" after the attacks, he quietly asks for our patience and indulgence as he starts just... well, talking out loud, really. It's known he's a liberal, but not this night. This night, he's a New Yorker, an American and he's upset and grieving. And I grieved with him.

and finally...

The Amazing Spiderman, issue #36. Commonly known as The World Trade Center issue, it's Marvel's response to the attack. They just stopped a cliffhanger storyline from #35 (they pick it back up in #37) and this issue was done in about a week. It shows Spiderman, perched atop a building, head in hands, overlooking the flaming rubble of both towers. He simply says one word: "...God..."

As he lands on the street to help, one woman screams at him "Where were you? How could you this happen?" And in just an instant, the powerful Spiderman is just like the rest of us... helpless to understand. And as Spiderman holds a little boy who sees his father being pulled from the rubble, dead, you feel helpless to do anything.


Even the cover, just plain black, is haunting

You see heroes like Captain American moving rubble, Daredevil pulling out survivors and Wolverine (wearing a FDNY hat) slicing through steel and wood, all ending witha tribute to the real heroes, the FDNY, NYPD and NYPA... I have two copies of this, one to save, one to read. Maybe it's just a little boy's silly comic book, but this one issue is more powerful than most 9/11 tributes that I've ever seen.

Coming Wednesday: Some of my best friends answer the question "Where were you on 9/11?"

Politics & the Evening News

So, I found out that Rush Limbaugh is going to be on CBS' Evening News with Katie Couric tonight, in a segment called Free Speech". To watch Rush, I'm actually watching the CBS Evening News with Katie Couric. Its entertaining how much I actually know about politics at this point, that I can actually shout back at the tv saying "That's crap and you know it!!" So I thought I'd keep a running diary.

531pm... Katie, 50, is still cute as a button. Not as cute as when she was hitting on me back in 2002.

532pm... Its a segment on the new tapes from Al-Qaeda. It shows Osama bin Laden from 2001, apparently working with the highjackers of the planes on 9/11, discussing with them what will happen on that day. How does the news spin it? "As President Bush is giving speeches on the war in terror, telling the country how we must stay the course, this new tape is a slap in the face of his rhetoric, like their own celebration of 9/11"

WHAT?? If anything, this should be a reminder of what's going on. WE ARE IN A WAR WITH PEOPLE WHO WANT TO KILL you, me, Tommy McLeod, Paris Hitlon, Michael Nipp & his family, Howard Dean, Nancy Pelosi, Sean Hannity and anyone else who is an American. What is it that you liberals don't get? You're a bunch of idiots.

534pm... A segment on how President Bush's support is waning, even in southern states. They do interviews in Jackson, NC, where a Marine base is located, giving the town a heavy military presence... one guy, a soldier is not asked "What do you think about the war and President Bush?", but instead is asked "Do you think the war is going badly?" The guy answers "No, I think we should stay there until we finish the job". A waitress is asked "Do you support the President?" She hesitates and then says "Yes, I do." The reporter asks "Five years ago, would you have hestitated?" What?

Next, they talk to a retired Marine officer who says plainly he doesn't support the president, he thinks the President has made too many mistakes. You know what? I don't agree, but I can respect that... but then the reporter asks him "How will plan on voting?" and the Marine says," I've been voting Republican all my life, but I'm voting straight Democrat this time around" WHAT??? WHAT??? You actually think having the Dems in power is going to make things better? Holy crap... I feel like I need to go kick a tree or something. While he is a soldier, and I honor his military service, I have to say either this guy is the biggest idiot in North Carolina or he's lying through his teeth. I personally think the latter.

537pm... So, a New York Times/CBS Poll now says that President Bush's approval rating is down to 36%, and that his handling of war effort is down to 30% agreeable. New York Times & CBS Poll? You mean the paper that has spilled military secrets, twice, and the CBS News, who knowingly ran a false anti-Bush story days before the election in 2004? Yeah, thats reliable. Believe that.

538pm... Richard Armitage is talking. For those of you who missed this story, let me tell you... In 2004, Washington Post reporter Bob Woodward uncovered that there was a leak in the government, and that a CIA agent's identity was revealed. Normally, this would be a bad thing, because most are covert, possible overseas, and having the name revealed could endanger not just that agent's life, but the lives of others and the mission. So, Valerie Plame was the agent, and her husband Joe Wilson went crazy, touting a theory that Bush's administration leaked it in retaliation for Wilson's writing of a NYT column saying his study found that intelligence that led us to war in Iraq was false (which we find out later that Wilson was full of crap, and his sources were as useful as a poopy flavored lollipop, but thats another column)

Okay, so Patrick Fitzgerald, special counsel from Chicago, is given the case and the investigation as to who outed a covert CIA agent. Over the next year, 2005, Fitzgerald goes after Scooter Libby, who is VP Cheney's chief of staff, and Karl Rove, counsel to the President. After trying FIVE times to find a jury that would indict Scooter Libby, he finally pools a jury to get an indictment on obstruction of justice and perjury--remember, an indictment is a charge, not a conviction, though according to Democrats, it might as well have been. Bob Woodward tells Fitzgerald that the source who revealed Valerie's name was not Scooter Libby. Fitzgerald still charges him with it. After five different testimonies, Karl Rove is not indicted.

Keep in mind, that Joe Wilson is a moron who has completely fabricated all his "pre-war" research, we learn that Valerie Plame was not only never a covert agent, but mostly an office worker, and that by trying five times to find a jury to indict Libby, Fitzgerald is totally breaking the law--of course, this is the same Fitzgerald who gave oodles of money to John Kerry (who served in Vietnam) Presidential Campaign.

Well, lo and behold, former Deputy Sec. of State, Richard Armitage, announces he was the one who leaked the name. Wow! Should we charge him? Of course not.

We went from "Scooter Libby and Karl Rove did this! Those Republicans! They did this because Joe Wilson wrote something bad about Bush--throw them in jail! Throw away the key! You can't out a CIA agent!" all the way to "Oh... Armitage did it? He's not a part of the Bush administration anymore... he can't do us any good. Oh, well, okay then. No harm done. But... we're still going after Libby!" I wish I were kidding.

540pm... Great. Silver fillings are safe. But the FDA says it needs to be studied more. Perhaps they should just release a list of the four things that cannot do you any harm.

543pm... So there is a shot for teenagers called the HPV Vaccine. It protects girls from cervical cancer... doctors are recommending girls get it between 9 and 12... to get it before they become sexually active. Sigh. I miss innocence.

550pm... Here's Rush. His point is simply this... For those of you who want to try diplomacy, tell me, how do you negotiate with people who's starting point is wanting to kill us? Peace follows victory.

Plain and simple... if you believe in the Democratic values right now, that means you are invested in the defeat of American, and you would rather see President Bush take a dive than see the US win the war on terror. Debate me on this. I dare you.

553pm... Illegal drug use among teenagers is going down... but with baby boomers? Its going up.

556pm... Chicago's Schaumberg Flyers is a minor league team that has allowed the fans to create the lineup. Democracy on the diamond. Its part of an expirament, and is on video for a web based reality show. And the manager doesn't really like it.

559pm... And that's the way we here at CBS spin the news and give you what we want you to hear... doom, gloom we suck, the President is creating terrorists, before 2001 there was no threat to anyone, and so on.

Okay, so, if you are anxious about the upcoming elections, you should be. Let me give you what will happen if the Democrats win the House back... Impeachment. Impeachment. Impeachment. Impeachment. Investigations. Investigations. Investigations. Hearings. Hearings. Hearings. Impeachement.

Tell you what... if you are on the fence, thinking "Man, I want to support the Presdient, but he's just sucking it up right now... maybe Democrats will do a better job of this whole thing" or maybe you are thinking "I'm voting emocrat unless I get a good reason to vote otherwise" or even "I'm voting Republican, but its only because I can't vote Democrat in good faith" (which, admittedly, is partly me), don't decide yet...

Make sure you read this blog the week before the election. I'm working on a four or five part series of how the Democrats have screwed up this country, with hard facts and links of how you can read for yourself. ... and we'll start with Jimmy Carter, the lamest of them all, and we'll make sure we cover Bill Clinton, which is possibly the worst president we've ever had. Then, with what you'll know by then, you can decide who to vote for.

Yes, Hank Jr, I'm Ready for Some Football

Sigh.

I'm so happy.

Football is here. Its September. Give it another month or so, I'll be wearing long sleeve t-shirts with my shorts, the average temperature will be around 65 or so, and the games will just get bigger and bigger.

I watched South Carolina beat up on Mississippi State on Thursday--it wasn't a great game, because the final score was 15-0 and probably should have been 35-0, but Carolina isn't all that great either. No, it was that State is terrible... simply terrible. I'm glad that Sylvester Croom is there, I think give him three or four years (which MSU is going to do) and I have no doubt that State will be in a bowl game (of course, in three or four years, everyone but Vanderbilt will be a bowl game), but right now, they are just terrible. It was fun to watch, I was happy college football was back, but it was Thursday, not Saturday. Not the same.

Well, earlier today, I had to move a washing machine. Well, much earlier, I worked at Starbucks, but afterwards, I coordinated with my dad-in-law, Ron Campbell, to rid the Dollar duo (dos pesos?) of our old machine and then pick up a new one. I won't say where, or who, we got it from, because they gave us a really good deal on a new washer, and I don't want those expectations to be set for somone else, but finally, no more washing clothes at our in-laws house, or next door at the apartment laundramat.

We got the washer in and installed just in time to see the beginnings of Tennessee's throttling of California. I'll admit it, I picked Cal to win it. But, as much as I don't like Fulmer, UT has been absolutely dominating of Cal today.. though I don't know if that's because Tennessee is better than anyone thought (which the announcers are saying) or if that Cal, ranked 9th (at least 'til Monday), just isn't that good.

Auburn scares me. Three of the last four openers have been poops. Twice to USC, then last year to Georgia Tech (which the announcers keep bring up, over and over and over)... I mean, they beat La-Monroe, but then again, both Lattas, myself and Mikey Nipp could do that. That was the year they were robbed of a chance to play USC for the title (admit it, Bama faithful... no, they probably wouldn't have won... but they deserved to be there).

Anyway, the Tigers are ranked highly, the media is going nuts over them, they are 12-1 odds to win not just the SEC, but the whole shebang... Notre Dame and Ohio State are the only ones with better odds. And Washington State is pretty crappy. And all this is to say, this is the perfect opener for Auburn to just lay a big steamer on the 50 yard line, then go on a 11-0 tear, win the SEC, but be denied a chance to play Texas (yes, I said it) for a chance to win the national champion because of this one night. Maybe I'm wrong.

As I type this, Washington State leads Auburn 7-6 at the end of the first quarter. I think I'll go test my reflexes with a brick.

I've been an Auburn fan since 1986. I moved to Alabama, from Texas (which explains my allegiance to Texas), in October of 1984. About six weeks later, Bama won the Iron Bowl, as they did in 1985 (thank you Van Tiffin). By 1986, I realized I had to claim sides, one or the other. I didn't understand that yes, you could actually be a Gators fan, or a Georgia Bulldogs fan or whatever, what I understood was that my 6th grade class was divided down the middle, and I had to go to one or the other, whether I even cared or not. So, I declared the winner of the next Iron Bowl to be my team of choice. Auburn won 21-17, thank you Lawyer Tillman, so there you go.

I will say this, though... it took years, perhaps decades to fully understand--or maybe see a glimpse of--the history of the two teams. I read Warren St. John's "Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer", and in just that book, I realized how deep the Bama faithful run... deep. So, I can only say this... while I think Alabama fans cam be obnoxious, though not to Tennessee's caliber, I respect the heritage. I'll never, ever, ever say "Roll Tide" and mean it, but I think I have a deeper respect for Bama's history than I do Auburn's. Of course, Alabama has 12 titles to draw from, while Auburn really, truly only has the last 15 to 20 years or so to claim as "history", because really, they've had that to be proud of.

It didn't help that I married into a Bama family. Stephanie went there, her sister, her dad, her little bro Tyler has considered it. My connection to Auburn? 1986. War Eagle.

I went to Troy State, of course, so I've learned the easy thing to do is just holler "Go Troy!" Unfortunately, Alabama and Auburn won't play Troy, especially after their trouncing of Missouri in 2004--which was the greatest college game I've ever seen. I would say "live", but besides Troy games, I've only seen Auburn play Arkansas and Alabama play Ole Miss, and thats it. Being in the student section of the Bama game, though, was pretty awesome. I didn't say "Roll Tide" then either, but I cheered them on (mostly because I picked them over Ole Miss in the DFC, but also to impress Amy Wible, my date that night). Oh, I got to see the Iron Bowl in 2000, that offensive slugfest that Auburn won, on the frozen tundra of Bryant-Denny.

The Troy/Mizzu game also led to my ticking off Eli Gold at Starbucks... after the Troy game, Eli goes on and on about "yes, they beat Missouri, but they still stink... blah blah blah..." so when he came into Starbucks one night, I asked him about it. "Why you gotta be all up on Troy, man? Let them enjoy their night," I said. He got mad and left. Made me smile.

Yes, I root for the Gators. And the Ducks. Not a fan of Ohio State. I personally think UAB is a joke (yes, they beat Troy, but still...). I only root for FSU or Miami if the situation suits me. I can handle Michigan, and can deal with Notre Dame, though I'd root against them easily, especially tonight, as I cheer for the Ramblin' Wreck to beat the Fightin' Irish (that is a whole lotta gold on the field, though). And I think Coach Fran is an absolute pud. So I easily cheer against Texas A&M.

I almost opened up my window hearby just to feel the fall breeze. Then I remember its only September 1st, it still a blamy 88 degrees outside, and there is no fall breeze. Not until September 20th, anyway.

Sigh.

I love football.

The Discovery of Big Head Todd: How the Hoover Public Library Is Overloading My iPod

I never considered myself a Big Head Todd & the Monsters fan... I knew of the band, but didn't know any of their music. Heck, I don't know anyone that considers themselves fans of BHT&TM. But there I was, at the Hoover Public Library tonight, staring at the 1993 album "Sister Sweetly" by... Big Head Todd & the Monsters. So, I thought "Why not?" and picked it up.


Think Hootie + Sister Hazel + The Nixons = Big Head Todd & the Monsters

I love my iPod... unless something just incredible happens, my iPod will be a shoo-in to be #1 on this year's list of the 100 Coolest Things of 2006 (like last year's list, only this year). And I've got tons of music on it, and always adding more... and always looking for new stuff that I might like. So, imagine my joy and happiness when I re-discovered the Hoover Public Library and all of its resources. I say "re-discover" because I'd been there only once before... well, actually, to the theater, when Hillary Kelly and I saw a play once on a date--yes, that Hillary Kelly. See, it was a... I mean, it happened... you know what? Never mind.

Anyway, I went in not too long ago, and I'm not even sure why... and found their section of CDs and their section of audiobooks... so I made sure my info on my library card was correct--which it wasn't. It was two addresses and three phone numbers ago, but no matter. I updated it, then surfed through the CDs and audiobooks. I checked out a stack of stuff, including Sean Hannity's "Deliver Us from Evil" and a 10,000 Maniacs cd (another band I didn't know I liked, outside of "These are Days" and the unplugged "Because the Night" cover).

So, I would load my rentals into my computer, then onto the iPod, and then once a week or two, I'd return my stuff back to the library, and check out a few more. I've managed to load audiobooks like Tom Brokaw's "Greatest Generation", this book for work I'm supposed to read but will end up listening to and, the one I can't wait to listen to soon, Ann Coulter's "How to Talk to a Liberal (if you must)".

I haven't returned Lisa Beamer's "Let's Roll" and Trisha Meili's "I Am the Central Park Jogger", because I'm loading them in the next few days. Yes, I agree with what you are thinking--"why not just read the book", and I say to that "I plan to. I just have this in case I don't get to it."


Is it bad I think she's hot? Is it still too soon?

As for CDs, I've loaded in Jessica Andrews, Taylor Dayne, Sara Evans and Sting. Granted, I don't usually load the whole CD in, I usually just find the songs I like and grab them--sometimes, as with the case of Sting, I pretty much have all the songs already, but I'd much rather have a CD quality version than one I downloaded...

...which brings me to a point... yes, I download music. And I'm sure that some of it is not exactly on the up and up. And yes, you might be questioning me on the ethics of copying a CD that I don't actually own.. and to you, I say, I've heard your argument. When I stand before Him, if He says to me, "You know, David, you made Me proud, you did what I asked of you... except for one thing. The music downloading..." then you know, I can live with myself for eternity. So don't email me or comment to me to rebuke. I won't like it. =)

Just got back a few minutes ago, with said Monsters CD. I also picked up the Ocean's Eleven soundtrack, Dave Matthew's "Crash", Nirvana's "From the Muddy Banks of Wishkah" and Bonnie Raitt's "Nick of Time". Also managed to get Stephen Bishop's Greatest Hits, so I can get a better copy of "On and On" and the love theme from Tootsie, "It Might Be You". No, I'm not kidding.

And I'm not kidding either when I say I grabbed Gwen Stefani's "Love.Angel.Music.Baby" Hey, lay off--Gwen is awesome. She's everything Fergie wants to be, including good looking, but can't quite get there. Have you heard Fergie's new song, "London Bridge"? Its terrible! Holy cow... not even good bad like "Hollaback Girlz" or "My Humps"... I mean, its awful...

...speaking of Fergie, did you know she was in a band called Wild Orchid, before the Black Eyed Peas? Guess who actually has a Wild Orchid CD? Yep.

Oh, and I got the audiobook to Stephen King's "LT's Theory of Pets", and this time, I actually checked out a book.... Mike Greenberg's "Why My Wife Thinks I'm an Idiot: The Life and Times of a Sportscaster Dad". Read an excerpt not too long ago, and its really funny. So, this can be the third book I'm reading at one time, after this one and this one. I thought I was abnormal, but apparently, lots of people do this.

By the way, Big Head Todd & the Monsters? I like 'em. Apparently, they opened for Al Franken, so they obviously can't be too bright, but I know lots of stupid people that can play guitar.

Snakes on a Cotton Pickin' Plane!

I am about one hour removed from seeing what might have been the best movie I've seen all year... certainly it was the most fun. Probably the most fun I've ever had at a movie was "Scream" because I saw it in Troy with all of my good friends... but tonight, I had the honor of hanging out with Michael Nipp to watch... Snakes on a Plane.


And you thought "Roadhouse" was craptastic good fun

Quick background about this movie... it was written about... well, a bunch of snakes on a plane, but was originally called "Venom", then changed to "Pacific Air Flight 121." The guy the studio was courting, Samuel L. Jackson, had issues with it. First of all, it was to be rated PG-13, and secondly, the title was awful. So he basically demanded that the movie push for an R rating to allow for more gore and the use of his favorite word, a four letter word often used in conjunction with a mom (of which I'll refer to here as "cotton pickin'", simply because I like that phrase, always have).

They added more gruesome snake related deaths and attacks, beefed up the scripts with lots of "cotton pickins" and then change the name to "Snakes on a Plane." Sam Jackson said yes imediately.

Samuel L. Jackson is one of those legendary actors that is just... well, cool. He's been in some awesome flicks (See Jurassic Park, Unbreakable, Pulp Fiction and The Incredibles), he's been in films that were pretty bad, but were so good (see The Negotiator, Star Wars Episode II, DieHard With a Vengeance and Deep Blue Sea), had random bit parts (do you remember him from Coming to America, Goodfellas or Out of Sight?) and of course, he's had his share of absolute crap... that being Loaded Weapon I, The Long Kiss Goodnight, The Man and Amos & Andrew, among others. Yet, he's still just cool. Somehow.


Sammy Jackson holding a cotton pickin' snake

The movie was set to be a goofy, quiet little film, until the power of the internet took over. Fans started producing their own videos and trailers to it, most of which you can find on YouTube, and blogs were set up to talk about the film, the most notable being Snakes on a Blog. Instead of ignoring fan hype, the studio embraced it, even as far back and January of this year.

New Line Cinema partnered with CafePress.com to allow fans to produce SoaP shirts, and one of the more famous stories floating around now is how Chris Rohan of Maryland created a mock video of the movie, featuring a Samuel L. Jackson sound-alike, uttering the phrase "I'm tired of these cotton pickin' snakes on this cotton pickin' plane!" Fans went nuts over the possibility of hearing the great Sam Jackson say these words, so the studio reshot a scene just to add that line in.

As for the movie itself, the title pretty much sets up the plot... Sam Jackson plays Nevill Flynn, an FBI agent who is escorting Sean Jones (Nathan Phillips) from Hawaii to Los Angeles, so that Sean can testify against mob boss Eddie Kim (who Sean conveniently saw murder another man). Well, Eddie Kim can't have that, now can he? So he rigs a crate full of poisonous snakes to open while the jetliner is flying over the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

And the movie is a hoot... it starts well, and then when the snakes go crazy, we have a good solid twenty minutes of creative and fun death-by-snakes. There is a "mile high" scene with boobage (warning) but they pay for their transgressions courtesy of a fork-tongued judge, jury and executioner. If you are squimish about snakes, as my buddy Ryan Sherman is (wuss), then this isn't the best way for you to spend $9 and two hours... lots and lots and lots of snakes, all hissing and striking and biting and slithering and so on and so forth. There's a wound being cut open and venom seeping out, there's someone being squeezed to death, there's eyes being taken out, there is drool from a tongue that gets bit... family entertainment.

Watching Sam Jackson do his thing is a blast, too. From the moment he enters the movie, he just entertains... Michael and I were sitting there quietly uttering other movie phrases we've seen him do, stuff like "I killed the snake and I hope they burn in hell!" and "do you think this snake will fulfill the prophesy and bring balance to the force?" and "I wonder if he'll read the snakes Ezekial before he shoots?" (from A Time to Kill, Star Wars Episode II and Pulp Fiction, respectively)

The only time the movie drags is during the middle third, after the snakes have done their initial damage, it slowly becomes a typical "the odds are against us, we all could die, what are we going to do?!" kind of movie... it does keep its unpredicability in that some really likable characters get snipped, while others live on. Plus, it was nice to see Anchorman's Champ Kind do some stuff, as well as seeing Dick from High Fidelity working again. Heck, even Kenan gets involved, though there's no Kel to be seen.


Sans Kel, Kenan gets a juicy role

You'll also see Julianna Margulies, who I must admit is looking pretty good for her 40ish age... though she had it in her contract that she wouldn't be near the snakes at any time (which, thinking back, I don't think she was...) so that's not fun. I know some of you might be thinking ER, and you're right, but most of you probably know her as Rica from Out for Justice, or Maureen from Ghost Ship.

Of course, when Samuel L. Jackson says the money line, "That's it! I've had it! I'm tired of all these cotton pickin' snakes on this cotton pickin' plane!" the whole theater went nuts, and truly, that line alone was worth the price of admission. If you decide to go see this movie, please have the mindset of "This is gonna be really crappy", and I think you won't be disappointed. Its as fun as you make it, truly.

My fear is that they'll take something fun and run it into the ground (see Ghostbusters, Police Academy) by making "Rats on a Plane" or "Snakes on a Speed Yacht" or "Rabid Beavers on a Louisiana Air Buggy"... but until then, I just say to you... Enjoy the crapfest goodness that is Snakes on a Plane.

The French Military History Lesson

So, I heard today that the cease fire between Israel and Lebenon, taking place soon, was being headed up by Kofi Annan, and that France was going to send troops to help keep peace in the regions. France. Yes, that France. After I stopped laughing so hard, I thought about it...

I don't know anyone of French descent, but I can't help making fun of them. Their leader, Jacques Chirac is a pud, plain and simple... not only did he condemn Israel for defending itself against attacks from Hezbollah, he consistantly condemns the US, and Dubya, for the war on terror, a war he is known to despise mostly because his oil contracts are in danger...

Someone came into Starbucks the other day and bought a pound of Frnehc Roast. I smiled and said "to truly enjoy the fullness of French Roast, you need to hold up your hands and surrender after every sip." He laughed.

The Official French Military Magazine


With that, I decided to dig up a gem from the web, something I've loved glancing over for a while. So, without further delay, I give you The Official French Military History:

Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

Norse Invasions - Lost. King Charles the Simple buys peace with the Norsemen by giving them Normandy.

Moorish Invasions - Lost. Charlemagne scoots behind the Pyrennes.

Third Crusade - Philip Augustus gets mad at Richard the Lion Heart and goes home.

Seventh Crusade - Lost. St. Louis' crusade to Egypt resoundingly crushed.

Eighth Crusade - Lost. St. Louis goes to Tunis.

Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare, "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchmen."

Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country ever to lose two wars when fighting Italians. Interestingly enough, I found a liberal site that refutes much of this, but this is what they had to say about the Italian Wars... “Dumb, dumb, dumb. Get your facts straight -- the French didn't lose the Italian Wars to the Italians, they lost to the Spanish (and, on a smaller scale, to the Swiss), with whom they were attempting to parcel out Italy. In the end (in 1559, sixty years after the wars' start in 1494), Spain controlled the country.”

Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.

Thirty Years' War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

War of Devolution - Tied; Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

The Dutch War - Tied.

War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Due to 3 ties in a row, deluded Frogophiles the world over label the period as the height of French Military Power.

War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlboro, which they have loved ever since.

American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the
Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting".

French Revolution - Won, primarily due to the fact that the opponent was also French. France introduces the world to the guillotine and the Terror.

Chirac's Real Reason for Being Against the War

Quasi-War - Tied. France, angry that the US normalized relations with the British, seizes US ships in the Caribbean and decrees war on American shipping worldwide. France conveniently ignores that the US and France have a treaty of alliance that effectively makes the US a subject state of France. American envoys in Paris are told that they must pay a $250,000 bribe to the French Foreign Minister and a $10,000,000 "loan" to France before the French will even consider negotiations (XYZ Affair). US refuses to pay, builds up a navy which promptly seizes 80 French ships, and continues to sue for peace. Delighted British offer aid to the US against the French. Ends when Napoleon seizes power in Paris and abandons North America. Napoleon also agrees to abrogate the unequal treaty of alliance, making the US truly independent for the first time. Produces the First Rule of American Diplomacy: You'll regret making any alliance with the French. The US makes no other treaties of alliance for nearly 150 years.

Haitian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a European army by African slaves, and produces the First Rule of African Warfare: We can always beat the French.

The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

India - Lost, to the British.

Mexican Empire War - Lost. Napoleon III takes advantage of US Civil War to invade Mexico. Collapse of the Confederacy dashes plans to invade Louisiana. Saber-rattling by reunified US leads to hasty French withdrawal, leaving puppet Austrian "Emperor of Mexico" to face a Mexican firing squad.

The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

Panama Jungles - Lost to vegetation and mosquitos

World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like not only to sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

World War II (first act) - Lost to the Germans. Conquered French liberated, against their will, by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

World War II (second act) - Lost to the Italians. True, the Germans already had France on the ropes, but nevertheless France is the first and only country to ever lose three wars when fighting Italians!

World War II (third act) - Won, primarily due to the fact that the opponent was also French, which was its Jewish population. Vichy government consistently gives Germans more than the Germans ask when it comes to anti-Semitic policies.

World War II (fourth act) - Won, due to the fact that the opponent was a French woman. In what is perhaps the vilest act ever committed by any French government, the Vichy government guillotines Marie Latour for the having an abortion.

World War II (fifth act) - Lost, this time to the Americans in North Africa. Ostensibly independent collaborationist Vichy government immediately occupied by Hitler, putting to an end the myth of "unoccupied France." Vichy remains popular with the French people until it became clear that Germany was losing the war.

World War II (sixth act) - Reminiscent of the American Revolution, France claims a win even though the British and Americans did all the work (remember the Second Rule!) of liberating France, and the British, Americans, and especially the Russians did all the work of defeating Germany. France demands (and, amazingly, gets) a spot as one of the victorious Allies; and even more amazingly gets a permanent seat on the UN Security Council.



War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with Dien Bien Flu. The US, forgetting the First Rule of American Diplomacy, steps into the mess and spends the next 20 years getting out.

Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a Western army by a Non-Turkish Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare -"We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, Africa, Haiti and Eskimos.

Ivory Coast Conflict - On the way to losing (remember the First Rule of African Warfare!).

War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe.

Today - The French government raises its terror alert level from run to hide. The only two higher levels in France are surrender and collaborate. The raise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed one of France's white flag factories, disabling their military

So sayeth Donald Rumsfeld: Going to war with the French is like going deer hunting with an accordion. You’re forced to leave behind a lot of noisy baggage.

The Macchiato Rules of Engagement

Starbucks is a fun job. No, it really is... I mean, think about it... its flexible hours, good pay for a barista, much less an assistant manager, full benefits just for working part time, and you get to interact with lots and lots of people.

That being said, it can be taxing. I work on the Highway 280 store, close to Inverness, right in front of the Jason's Deli and the Fresh Market, where I'm the ASM, heir apparent to getting my own store one of these days.

This is a drive-thru store as well... for the longest time, Starbucks wasn't going to be a drive thru type place, but back some time ago, they gave in--and now the biggest money makers for the company are pretty much DTs. I started with Starbucks back in 2003, opening the store in Vestavia Hills, which was Alabama's first DT... and its first $1 million dollar store. Other stores have followed suit with that achievement, but we were the first.

If you've ever been to a drive thru anywhere, say, McDonald's, you know how much room there is for improvement... alot. I went to Wendy's the other day, bought my combo, and the lady was actually on her cell phone, talking away. She took my money, handed me my food, handed me my drink (which I had to wipe off because of the cola running down the side) and then shut the window, all while telling Kamisha she shouldn't take that from ReyRey, and she better not catch her man Shatheed doing that stuff.

Taco Bell is even worse--I waited in the DT line for over twenty minutes--not kidding--to order (I couldn't leave, because the one by my apartment has a closed lane... when you are in, you are in) because the guy forgot to turn his headset on. Forgot to turn the stupid thing on.

Starbucks as a whole, and myself as well, personally prides itself on bringing service to you at the counter, or in the drive thru, service that you won't find anywhere else... did we get your drink wrong? Its on us. You ordered a tall? Well, we made too much... here, you get a grande instead. Tried the vanilla bean and didn't like it? Tell me what else you'd like, and we'll make that for you instead, free of charge.

I think everyone in our store realizes that at one time or another, EVERYONE had a first time in Starbucks... mine was in Manhattan in 1998. I ordered a grande mocha... I had no idea what I was drinking. Not a clue.

However, there are 16 things I'd like to tell you in the drive thru, some things that will make your Starbucks experience much easier... pay attention... this will make your barista love you:

1) When ordering, there are two things you must identify first... size is the first thing. Size matters because the barista needs to grab the right cup. If you order a "cafe mocha with three equals, two pumps of mocha, two pumps of caramel, light whip, skim milk and can you make it half-caf?" but don't specify a size, the barista is standing there trying to remember everything, and wondering what cup to mark it on. And when you do say size, with an order like that, you'll have to say it all again.

2) If your drink is iced, you must say so. Don't order a venti vanilla latte, then get upset when they give you a hot drink. You didn't say "iced". And yes, people are drinking hot drinks even though its 113 degrees outside... you don't say "iced", chances are, you aren't going to be asked, and you aren't going to get what you want.

3) Starbucks can be pricey. We recognize that. Thats why we try so hard to make your drink just how you like it. If you are in the DT, don't get upset if we ask you a few times what you just said. We might repeat it back to you five times--don't be alarmed... if you are paying four bucks for a 16 ounce drink, we want to make sure its exactly what you want... we'd rather repeat it to you five times and give you what you want than make it wrong, and hae you bring it back.

4) Having said that, when you order a drink--especially when you have multiple drink orders-- don't spit it out like "yeah, I want a grandemochadecafwith1splendaandlightwhip and then I want a ventivanillalattewith..." We have to do two things with each drink: put it into the register and mark the cup. Take a breath, give the size first (is it iced??) then give your drink order in a calm and collected fashion. If you have another drink, wait two seconds and then start--don't be upset if your barista says, "Okay, hold on one second... you had a decaf grande 1 splenda light whip mocha, right? Alright, go ahead with the next drink."

5) If you a smoker, and like to hold your cigerette in your left hand so the smoke drifts through the open window, we hate you. Nothing personal, but we hate you and talk bad about you when you leave. Hold your cigerettes in your right hand when you get to the window. If you keep it in your right hand so smoke doesn't get in your car, then you know what? Put the darn thing out for two minutes while you are in our drive thru.

6) You are in our drive thru line. We enjoy you coming to visit, but no one forced your hand. So if you are on your cellphone, don't talk to us like its an inconvenience to give your order. We've actually had one customer in the DT on their cell phone sigh, "Hold on, the Starbucks guy wants my order..." That's why you are here. Now, sometimes emergencies happen... sometimes phone calls are just too important not to take, and we understand that. But you'll have a happy barista for life if you tell them at the window, "I apologize for being on the phone... I know its rude, but it couldn't be helped..." One lady said that to me once, I still remember it to this day.

7) Passengers, either tell your driver what you want and let them repeat it, or speak very loudly from the passenger seat. You know what? Don't even talk. Just let the driver do it.

8) If you hear us say "Welcome to Starbucks, we'll be with you in one moment", that does not mean you should go ahead with your order. It can be very hectic inside, and we want to give you our full attention, so let us get to the point where we can. If you don't hear us say "we'll be with you in a moment" because you're on your cell phone, then thats your fault.

9) Its okay to ask questions. Its okay to ask how many shots come in a grande latte (2), or do we put whipped cream on the regular coffee frappuccinos (no), but please don't sit there for five minutes at the speaker wondering. You could easily say "I'll come to the window" and we'll be happy to answer your questions... this will also let the line that will have built behind you move a little.

10) Quick lessons... a latte is espresso with lots of steamed milk and some foam. A cappuccino is espresso with half steamed milk, half foam. It becomes a vanilla latte when you add vanilla to a regular latte. It becomes a cafe mocha when you add chocolate to the latte. It becomes a hazelnut cappuccino when... that's right, you had hazelnut to a... you got it. Cappuccino. You'd be surprised the number of people who struggle with this.

11) Frappuccinos are easy too. We have three kind of frappuccinos... with coffee, and without coffee (also called a cream base) and the new juice blends. We can make your coffee frappuccino decaf, or light (less carbs & calories) and by itself its just a coffee frappuccino... but when you add chocolate it becomes a... mocha frappuccino. If you want to play at home, guess what you'll have if you add caramel or java chips to a coffee frappuccino....

12) Cream based frappuccinos are made with just that... a cream base. Yes, we make it with nonfat milk, but do not get the idea this is good for you... this is the base we use for strawberries & cream, double chocolate chip (the same as java chip, just not a coffee base), vanilla bean and others. If you are concerned about fat grams, either leave off the whipped cream, or try our triple filtered ice water.

13) I mention #9 thru #12 only because you have to know, we can do just about anything. We have over a dozen syrups, and we can add any of it to your latte, your cappuccino, your frappuccino or whatever. Want a raspberry cream frappuccino? Done. How about a cinnamon & toffee nut latte? Got it. Perhaps a sugar free hazelnut frappuccino light or how about a iced latte flavored with melon syrup and made with soy? Yep. If you don't see it on the menu (and you might not--our board is only so big) then just ask. If we can't do it, we'll tell you.

14) None of our coffee is flavored... not saying flavored coffee is bad, but its a cheaper bean that Starbucks does not buy. Typically, there are three brews in the morning--bold, mild and decaf. You want stronger coffee? Go bold. You want more caffeine? Go mild. If its the afternoon, many stores will not have mild brewed... just ask for it, but you'll have to wait about five minutes. Which means you should just come in the store, and not in the DT for five minutes.

15) Starbucks is not for everyone. And if you don't like it, that's fine. But don't make it a point to tell me how awful your Starbucks coffee is, how its burned and all, and then tell me how you like your Folgers flavor crystals. If you'd rather have Southern Home mac and chesse and never the Kraft, then that's all you baby.

16) And finally... remeber what you are doing. You are paying five bucks for a pimped out cup of coffee. If we make a mistake, if we put whipped cream on your drink when you asked us not too, or we didn't stir your macchiato when you wanted us to, don't get mad. Yes, you may have had a hard day, but you have to keep in mind ITS JUST COFFEE. We are not delivering babies, we are not performing neurosurgery, we are giving you a cup of coffee. If the drink is wrong, let us know... chances are you'll get a free drink out of it. The barista might have just been yelled at five minutes before you came in the DT... your smiling face, even after we make a mistake, might be the best thing to happen to us.

I hope this helps better your relationship with your local barista. Smile and talk to your barista, have fun at the DT because truly, 99% of them want to have fun with you. And if I know you--even if I don't--depending on the time or day, you might just get your coffee for free...

Ramble Time

If you are looking for the New York City Blog, you can start by clicking here.

For the rest of you, I guess its time I talk about something else, isn't it?

Have you ever had a song rolling around in your head, yet couldn't figure out what it was or who sang it? Yeah, me too.

So there's this one song that has been bothering me for about five years. No, really... five years. I've heard it before, but it never really hit me until one day my buddies Mikey and Shawnifer Sharpenious were visiting K-Mart, the one down on Hwy 31. Olde Time Pottery is there now, and this was actually when it was closing and liquidating all its crap. I heard the song on the overhead muzak system... I thought "Hmm... this is kind of a fun song. I wonder who sings it. I'll have to find this."

And years went by. Turned it to the classic rock station here in The Ham a few times, hoping they would play it, but no avail. When I worked at the radio station, I talked to the program director... see, the problem was, I didn't know any of the words. Not a single one. Even from two words, I've managed to find a song's info by googling, but all I had was the tune... and when I hummed it out for the program director at the station, he looked at me like I was a moron.

Then, a few months ago, I'm sitting at Jason's Deli, and it plays overhead. At my request, one of the employees spent ten minutes looking at their own muzak system, trying to find an artist or title. Nothing.

So, the other day, I'm at Starbucks. I'm in the drive thru, doing my thing, and faintly, I hear a familiar rhythm. I block everything else out, and listen closely... yes... maybe? Maybe? THAT'S IT!!!!! I practically run over little Courtney and race back to the cd player to figure out the song that has been haunting me for five years. And now, I have my answer. Its almost anti-climactic, really.

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Speaking of Mikey, I saw him tonight. He and Reverend Ty came over, went to Wings then came back to the apartment... and we watched this for about twenty minutes. And for a donation of only $110, you can watch it too on dvd! I wish I were making this up.

The Reverend left, and Mikey and I watched WWE: Raw... Its a male soap opera, its stupid, its hokey, its just plain bad acting... and its a guilty pleasure that I can't shake. The Nature Boy Ric Flair and Terry Funk might as well wrestle with walkers. Looks like they are washing clothes.

And John Cena is the man. So there.

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Stephanie is in Minneapolis, MN, for the annual Creative Memories Showcase, which is like the big conference for nationwide consultants. I, being the loving husband and attempting to out-serve her (yeah, right... like I could do that) drove her and her cousin Karen, also a consultant, to Atlanta Sunday morning to the airport early, early. Left at like, 430am. Way too early.

Supposed to pick them both up at the airport early Wednesday morning, but luckily for me, I found a college friend of mine on MySpace, so I'm going to stay with her and her friends Tuesday night so I don't have to get up so early Wednesday. So, basically, in the last 19 days, I've been without my wife for 11 of them.

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Speaking of MySpace, I think I'm addicted to it. You might remember I had a column about being caught in

MySpace's tractor beams, but it really is an addicting thing. I mentioned several pages I had found... well, I found even more! I mean, I've got like, 45 friends now, which rocks! I'm still waiting for Sheryl Crow & The Rock to approve my friend request, but I know its coming!

Here is a page for Tyler "the Sexy Beast" Campbell, while here's a page for Ben Caver (who performed at our last Deuce Christmas Party, just fyi), and here's the page for New York's Kid Sister.

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Is anybody else just giddy about this movie? I mean, the sheer ridiculousness of the movie itself is going to have me there on opening night. (I'm still imagining Julianna Margulies yelling at her agent "I was in freakin' ER, and you got me THIS???" and the agent replies "Yeah, well, you didn't mind this when you needed rent money, did ya?")

I'm pumped.

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I've always had a celebrity crush on Elisabeth Hasselbeck--you might know here from Survivor. Entertainment Weekly posted some thoughts on her conservative views she spouts on The View. The best part about it is, though, is not the revelation that she's against the morning after pill, or that she calls out a bad babysitter on national tv, but the comments that follow. No logical arguments opposing her views... just name calling and the like. Typical liberals. That's why I love you people... gives me something to laugh about.

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Finally, here's another "Black Horse & the Cherry Tree" mention... have you seen KT Tunstall do this song live? It is just amazing... she does all the back up vocals and music herself. You can watch here on YouTube.

.....you don't see me.....