Robert Mueller: So, we found that Trump is guil--
Dems: YES! GUILTY! WE KNEW IT!
Mueller: No, he's--
Dems: YES!! Guilty! We always knew he was guilty. He and his followers are too stupid to win that election over the honorable Hillary Clinton. She had this election stolen from her! She won the popular vote!
Mueller: You know that the Electoral College elects our president, right? Dems: Who cares. We'll get rid of that as soon as we can.
Mueller: But you've never had a problem with it until Hillary lost...
Dems: Your point?
Mueller: (shrugs) Back to the report... I think you misunderstand me. In the report there is very lit--
Dems: Sure, only a little evidence, that's fine. We only need a smidge of evidence to impeach him!
Mueller: You may want to do more inves--
Dems: No, no... we are done investigating. He's guilty. If we look further, we may find things that don't support our cause.
Mueller: So you are done with this investigation?
Dems: We don't need any more. You said he was guilty. We're ready to kick him out! Socialism, open borders, killin viable born babies and calling it the "right to choose", free college for errbody! It's time we let the world know how we really need to be ruling this place (massages fist and grins evilly)
Mueller: No, you idiots. I was trying to say in this Russian collusion, Trump is guilt FREE. There is no evidence to support any claim of such.
Dems: Wait... what? You said there was a little evidence in there...
Mueller: No, I was trying to say there was very little in there that even pointed that direction, much less connected him to Russia...
Dems: Wait. You are telling me that idiot and his redneck, racist followers actually beat Hillary fair and square?
Mueller: Yes. He won the election lawfully and by the rules set forth in our Constitution
Dems: Oh, come on, you know we only use the Constitution when it suits our narrative.
Mueller: So like, hardly ever? Dems: Whatever. This is an outrage! We demand an investigation! You aren't looking hard enough, Robby!
Mueller: Um... I looked for 2 years and spent $35 million dollars. Millions of pages of documents. Usually a special council is given a special crime to investigate... we weren't even given that. I was just told to go find something. No one gave me any limits. Trump had every right to fire me and he didn't do it. Bottom line is, Trump didn't work with Russia to rig any election.
Dems: LIAR. We demand an investigation.
Mueller: Ok, like... we just finished an investigation
Dems: We demand an investigation into your investigation to investigate what your investigation didn't find!
Mueller: Face it. Trump won because Hillary sucks. As a candidate. And frankly, as a person.
Dems: NO! HE DID IT! HE DID SOMETHING... He colluded... with... Russia to collude the election. He election colluded with the Soviets to elect... I mean, to collude... whatever. HE IS GUILTY! We won't stop until we find out what happened!
Mueller: You mean like Cory Booker swore to not stop until he discovered the truth behind Kavanaugh with Dr Ford? And how we haven't heard anything about it since?
Dems: No, we actually care about this issue. We'll tell the media! They'll keep reporting that the Mueller report is bunk, and that there is obviously something there.
Mueller: But you have no proof. The media has never really had any proof of what they have been reporting
Dems: Bob... (stares blankly) When has a lack of evidence ever stopped any charge we make? Or any life we ruin?
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