And that means that the formatting here will be all kinds of jacked up, to' up from the flo' up. Lots of random spacing, so please just be patient. I'll fix it as I can.
And as usual, I'm putting the latest update on the bottom.
So, without further Ado.... The Academy Awards, 2014...
730... Its America's Favorite Lesbian, Ellen DeGeneres!
732p... The Lovely Steph Leann laughed heartily at Ellen's old joke about June Squibb... I'm waiting to laugh. I'm hoping it comes soon.
733p... Calling out a Liza Minnelli impersonator... it was the real Liza. Now THAT is funny.
735p... Amy Adams sighting. Sigh. Heart beating fast.
735p... Oh hush. When Colin Firth comes on screen, The Lovely Steph restraints herself from licking the screen.
736p... Even with a Beiber haircut, Jennifer Lawrence looks good...
737p... Half the women I know wishes their hair could be as silky smooth as Jared Leto
739p... Ellen's monologue. Amusing, but safe.
740p... Anne Hathaway out to do the Best Supporting Actor Award! I wonder if she's thinking, "I'm being judged on my horrible Oscar hosting duties with Jimmy Franco, after everyone just saw Ellen kill it..." I picked Jared Leto as the winner here, though how much would I love to see Bradley Cooper get this.
742p... When a cross dressing dude sings "I'm pretty" while putting on makeup, I immediately think of Buffalo Bill in The Silence of the Lambs
742p... Jared Leto, Oscar Winner, Supporting Actor. I'm 1-0 for the night.
745p... Is it just me, or are they giving Jared Leto like, forever to speak? Is it because he's discussing transgender AIDS?
746p... Ellen just did a selfie live on stage. I went to follow her on Twitter, and it shut down on me...
747p... Jim Carrey, who has never been nominated (he deserved it for The Truman Show) says, "It must be tiring to be a nominee..." Hilarious. Honestly, I'm not sure if he'll ever win an Oscar, unless he has a once-in-a-lifetime performance... like, Matthew McConaughey...
He introduces animated Heroes, with "Heroes" being the theme tonight... Mr Incredible was first, as he should be.
750p... I just saw Dax Shepard. How did Dax Shepard get into the Oscar seating? As a seat filler? (later I remembered that he's married to Kristen Bell... so that's how he gets there...)
750p... Pharrell is up to perform "Happy" from Despicable Me 2, a song nominated for Best Song.
751p.... The Lovely Steph Leann: What kind of hat is THAT?
754p... I think Meryl shimmied better than Amy Adams, but I'm in love with the latter, so she wins anyway.
755p... This tweet from @RickyBrigante: So how long before there's a Pixar Theory that Pharrell is Andy's dad and gave him the hat?
757p... From the "Everyone predicted this pair" department, its Samuel L Jackson and Naomi Watts!
Why Ellen didn't introduce him as Laurence Fishburne, I'll never know. Unless he was too ticked off about it still... maybe she should have just said, "Its the BMF"
The award is Costume Design... I picked American Hustle. The Oscar goes to? The Great Gatsby. I'm 1-1 so far.
8p... Now, Makeup and Hairstyling... I picked Dallas Buyers Club... The Oscar goes to? Dallas Buyers Club. At 2-1, I felt like that was a lock.
802p... That British narrator saying "Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa" somehow gives it 0.02% more legitimacy...
802p... Harrison Ford, Hollywood's real life version of Grumpy Cat, is out to introduce American Hustle, Dallas Buyers Club and The Wolf of Wall Street as the first three of nine Best Picture nominees.
805p... That sound you hear is all the women in the country swooning. Channing Tatum just took the stage.
807p... Judy Greer in an OJ commercial? What? What the what? I freakin' love Judy Greer... one of my favorite actresses... how did she end up in an OJ commercial?
810p... Ellen is getting funnier as this night goes on...
811p.... Kim Novak, for the 30 and up group, is in the "she's still alive?" category... fpr the younger set, its a "Who is Kim Novak and why does she look all freaky weird?" category.
812... Kim is out with Matthew McConaughey to announce Best Animated Short... which didn't go to Get a Horse, the Mickey Mouse short that I naturally picked. It went to Mr Hublot, whatever that is. I'm 2-2 for the night.
814p... I'm mildly amused at the French guy's hands shaking while giving his speech... thats how you know he's legit and actually honored and surprised.
814p... Best Animated Feature Film! It goes to Frozen... Kim Novak tried to make it suspenseful, but I think we all knew this. At 3-2, its time to go on a run!!
816p... Ellen makes more jokes, and brings out Sally Field, who is out to intro a montage of "everyday heroes"
819p... In this montage, I've already seen like, 7 movies in my #Dave100, and another 4 or 5 in my #TheDave500...
820p... JoGo Levitt and Emma Watson! Hermione is an Oscar Presenter! Out to give Best Visual Effects, of which I picked Gravity, of which it wins! 4-2... I picked Gravity to take many of these technical awards
823p... Every girl that was 14 five years ago is now swooning with Zac Efron on stage... he's introducing, and stumbling all over his words, the theme from "Her". Talk about "That Awkward Moment"...
828p... I just saw The Muppets in one commercial, followed by Tina Fey in another. I'm so blessed to be me.
830p... Ellen sits with a guitar, coming back from break, then introduce Jason Sudeikis and Kate Hudson... that looks like a bit that got cancelled at the last minute
830p... Live Action Short Film. I picked "Helium". And the Oscar goes to "Helium"!!! 5-2... I'm rolling now, baby.
832p... The winner just thanked "My fella nomineeth..."
833p... Best Documentary, short subject... I went with Prison Terminal... and the Oscar goes to... The Lady in #6. Boo. Back to 5-3.
835p... John Stamos sighting!
835p... Ellen back in the audience. Walking around, talking to various celebrities. Ellen offers to order pizza, and all the celebs raise their hand for some. Then she intros Bradley Cooper...
836p... I remember when Bradley Cooper was that guy from Wet Hot American Summer... he's out to introduce Documentary Feature. The Oscar goes to 20 Feet from Stardom, and I picked it just right... 6-3 for the night.
839p... Darlene Love, from 20 Feet from Stardom just threw down on The Sparrow... a gospel tune... Bill Murray was the first up for a Standing O... Boom.
840p... Kevin Spacey out now for a previous ceremony jibber jabber.
842p... Why aren't we watching an entire Steve Martin tribute? Instead of just this clip show of tributes to him and Angela Lansbury and others...
847p... The Lovely Steph Leann is mad with me that I won't pause the show for her to give little Campbell Isaiah a bath. The Oscars wait for no one!
848p... Viola Davis and Ewan McGregor out for Best Film Ain't From 'Merica... I chose Italy's "The Great Beauty"... the clip looks like a winner to me.
849p... And the Oscar goes to? "The Great Beauty", like I... uh, I uh... knew it would. Either way, 7-3 so far!
851p... Tyler Perry comes out to introduce another Best Picture nominee, "Nebraska", then "Her" and finally "Gravity".
853p... Shouldn't Tyler Perry come out as Madea and introduce Dallas Buyers Club?
854p... Ellen comes out in her best BeeGees outfit, and introduces Brad Pitt, who introduces U2, singing a song from a Mandela movie...
...sidebar... I might be the only one in the world to say this... but I don't think Mandela was that great of a dude... he favored socialism, he disliked America and he wasn't that nice of a guy. Just sayin'. Back to the Oscars...
858p.... @hlpatterson just tweeted:
I haven't seen the movie Gravity but I saw Space Camp in 1986, so I get the main idea
HAHAHAHHAHHAHHA
901p... Also... I don't think U2 is as great as they are made out to be..
902p... Ellen back in the audience. She does a selfie with herself and Liza Minnelli, makes a L'pata/Pizza joke, then goes to Meryl to take another selfie, asking for a retweet record on Twitter. She then invites Julia Roberts, Jared Leto, Jennifer Lawrence, Bradley Cooper, Angelina and others to join in the pic... I'm Retweeting that right now.
904p... Michael B. Jordan and Kristen Bell come out to intro the pre-ceremony Techie awards. They sound like they are actually interested, but we know they aren't.
905p... Ellen brings out Chris Hemsworth and Charlize Theron... Charlize's dress looks like the devil, but she still looks amazing. Here's the Oscar for Sound Editing and Sound Mixing... I picked Gravity on both...
907p... Charlize pronounces "Smaug" as "Smowg". Makes me laugh. Gravity wins one of the two... I'm at 8-3 now.
910p... Gravity wins again, to put me at 9-3. I don't think I've gotten more than 13 right in like, four years... I'm rollin...
911p... Christoph Waltz, two time Oscar winner, to give out Supporting Actress Award. I picked Jennifer Lawrence to win, though Lupita Nyong'o for 12 Years a Slave is the front runner...
914p... And the Oscar goes to... Lupita. First time nominee, first time winner, and she gets a standing ovation from the crowd and hug from Liza Minnelli.
918p... That was a great Oscar speech, Lupita. Not kidding.
921p... And the pizza arrives! Ellen brings Pizza Boy into the audience, and starts handing out slices... Brad Pitt starts handing out paper plates, and Ellen says, "Kerry Washington is pregnant! She needs some food!" (we find out later that this pizza guy was real, the shop is real, and he got paid for delivering pizza...)
923p... The President of the Academy comes out to talk about whatever it is they talk about, as I don't really listen. Except they are building a spaceship as a movie museum.
926p... AMY ADAMS AMY ADAMS AMY ADAMS AMY ADAMS AMY ADAMS
926p... Amy Adams (whom I'm in love with) is with Bill Murray for Cinematography... I picked Gravity. Bill gives a huge nod to Harold Ramis too...
927p... And the Oscar goes to... Gravity. I'm at 10-4!
929p... Gabourey Sidibe and Anna Kendrick (swoon) are out for Film Editing... I chose American Hustle on this one... and Gravity gets this one too... dang it. 10-5. I think this is where the wheels come off.
932p... Whoopi, Oscar winner for #TheDave500 film "Ghost", is out to discuss "The Wizard of Oz"... so that's why Liza has been so prevalent...
933p... The Lovely Steph Leann: Whoopi... oh, she looks terrible.
934p... P!nk out to sing a salute to The Wizard of Oz... what.
942p... Ellen comes out dressed as Glinda the Good Witch... hahaha... and now she brings out Jennifer Garner and Benedict Cumberbatch
943p... Jenny and Benny are here to present Production Design... I picked American Hustle. And the winner is The Great Gatsby. I fall to 10-6...
946p... Chris Evans is out here to tell us more Hero tales... Harry Potter... The Searchers... Men in Black... Lord of the Rings.. Star Trek... Jaws.... love this.
953p... "Multiple Oscar Nominee" (re: can't win it) Glenn Close comes out, to give us the In Memoriam
957p... In Memoriam was rough this year... Harold Ramis... Philip Seymour Hoffman... Sid Caesar... Paul Walker... Hal Needham... man.
10p... Bette Midler singing "Wind Beneath My Wings". Why didn't they just let her sing this while showing the pics?
1001p... Are Bette Midler's eyes dilated? Is that why she can't open them?
1004p... Ellen, all in black now, back in bragging about crashing Twitter, in the BEST SELFIE EVER. That was a fantastic segment...
1004p... Goldie Hawn is out now to present the final three Best Pic noms... "Philomena", "12 Years a Slave" and "Captain Phillips".
1005p... I was just about to say "Goldie looks nice", when The Lovely Steph Leann says, "She looks really horrible..."
1008p... Two time Oscar nom John Travolta is out now to present the song "Let It Go", sung by Idina Menzel. Who did John Travolta just say? Adele Dazim???
1012p... Jamie Foxx and Jessica Biel out now, ready to give out the music awards... apparently the teleprompter is giving a little trouble to the presenters. Jamie being funny by scatting Chariots of Fire. Best Score award, I picked Gravity... the Oscar goes to Gravity... finally, get another win for myself tonight, now at 11-6...
1016p... If Let It Go doesn't win this, it will be a huge upset... not to many times has U2 winning been an upset... The Oscar goes to "Let It Go" from Frozen. As it should. 12-6.
1019p... By the way, Idina Menzel and Three Six Mafia have Best Song Oscars. U2 has zero. Just a note.
1023p... Ellen has Pharrell's hat and is asking for donations for the pizza guy... El Oh El.
1023p... Robert DeNiro and Penelope Cruz come out together to give Oscars for writing... Best Adapted Screenplay... I actually picked Wolf of Wall Street. I'm a dolt.
1024p... And the Oscar goes to... 12 Years a Slave. 12-7.
1026p... For Original Screenplay... I picked Her. It should win, anyway... the winner is HER!!! Finally, hit 13 wins, 7 losses so far...
1028p... Its the only one HER will win... but I'll take it. Spike Jonze deserves this one for a wonderful, original film.
1031p... By the way Adele Dazim already has a twitter account. Just saying.
1032p... Angelina Jolie and a true icon, Sidney Poitier out to present. He's the man. And deserved the standing ovation he just got.
1032p... The Oscar for Best Director is here... I went with Alfonso Cuaron, which is the probative favorite. The Oscar goes to... Cuaron for Gravity. 14-7, I am guaranteed to finish over .500, which is nice.
1036p... My wife just informs me that she has met Sidney Poitier and has his autograph. What?
1038p... Ellen trying to wrap up comically... by the time the show is over, they'll have to do the In Memoriam over to show June Squibb and Bruce Dern.
1041p... Ellen in the audience talking to Matthew McConaughey about weight loss... and then, Daniel Day-Lewis.
1041p... Best Actress nominees... of course, I want Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, to win. However, I think Cate Blanchett will get it, so I picked her.
1044p... And the Oscar goes to... Cate Blanchett for Blue Jasmine. In her speech she gives mad props to everyone, especially Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with.
1046p... Cate can go from hideous to gorgeous from movie to movie. That's quite a feat.
1048p... Ellen brings out Jennifer Lawrence to give Best Actor... though I picked Chiwetel Ejiofor to win... looks like Dave Wooderson will get the Oscar
1051p... And the Oscar goes to... Matthew McConaughey. Did I just write that?
1055p... Ellen now ends the show with introducing Will Smith, who will presumably give out Best Picture
1056p... And 12 Years a Slave wins the Oscar for Best Picture.
1058p... So, I wrap up at 16-8 for the year. Sigh. Better year, but one away from winning my Oscar pool... my record all time was like, 20-4 or something, but I haven't seen that in a long, long time. Boo.
So there you are... Ellen, I want you back as Oscar host. The Selfie stole the show... great show...
 |
| This is the greatest selfie in the history of Selfiedom. The black dude on the right side is Lupita's little brother, Junior... and Kevin Spacey's face in the very back is my absolute favorite of all time. |
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