Idol Night... Chicks Dig It

It's 938pm on Thursday night... due to a meeting that is directly related to the three hour shutdown of Starbucks on Tuesday night... and I don't know who got hoisted from Idol. I'll be watching it on DVR in about 20 minutes or so, as soon as The Lovely Steph Leann finishes watching "A Walk to Remember". This is my life.

But here is what I wrote on Wednesday, during the girls night...

Once again, its plausibly live from The Cabana, this time in the room where The Lovely Steph Leann, wrapped in a blanket, and joining us are KT and Jason!

KT’s first remark? “I don’t think Paula should ever be allowed to talk in public.” We first visit the recaps of all the chicks who made it through the auditions, and now its revealed that Jason hates American Idol… so for him, this is torture.

KLC…
Kristy Lee Cook is up first, KLC who already has a record contract (or at least had one… if she still had one, she wouldn’t be on Idol). She looks like someone I should find really pretty, but somehow doesn’t. She sold her horse to make it on Idol.

“She’s too skinny to be pretty. Skinny people are disgusting,” so sayeth KT. KLC is singing “Rescue Me” by Fontana Bass. Jason says, “This song has no pop… no crackle… no snap…”

KLC is rather boring, if I do say so. She looks okay, she sounds okay, but really… she’s kind of forgettable. Randy didn’t like it that much, while Paula will now blow sunshine. Apparently, the flu bug has hit Idol, and KLC is sick. Simon says, “What are you made of? Not a lot.” I agree.

This exchange:
Steph Leann: “She should have had sung that… you know that song where the guy jumps off the bridge? You know that one where…”
Jason: “…jumps off the Tallahassee Bridge…”
Me: “Ode to Billy Joe by Bobby Gentry?”
Steph Leann: “Yeah, that’s it!!”

Joanne Borgella
A plus size model (KT replies, “Whatever… she is a plus, plus size model”) from New Jersey is 2nd tonight. Joanne starts out with really the only thing that Dionne Warwick ever did right, “Say a Little Prayer”, which really was outdone by Rupert Everett in “My Best Friend’s Wedding”.

Joanne: “I just want to help music touch other people’s lives like…”
Jason: “…the way food has touched my life?”
KT: “JASON! Be careful! He’s blogging!”

Randy says, “The first was a little weird for me, but you got it at the end,” while Paula blows sunshine. Simon didn’t like it a’tall. A very average, cabaret song, he says, and I agree.

Alaina Whittaker
The youngest contestant in the show comes up next, and Jason makes a crude joke about the gap in her teeth. KT shouts at him, then pauses, and says, “Wow… her teeth are kinda bad.”

She’s pretty in a jailbait sort of way, but not really. Actually, she’s kinda pretty in a Jennifer Herndon sort of way. She’s singing that “I love you more today than yesterday, but only half as much as tomorrow…” song from last night. We found out its from Spiral Staircase, a one hit wonder from the 60s.

I’ll be honest… I didn’t think I’d like Alaina, and I actually did. So did KT, Jason and the Lovely Steph Leann, who says, “I think she did her thang.”

Randy liked it. Paula has lots of sunshine, and is serving it up on a platter. Simon actually hated the song itself, but liked her performance.

Amanda Overmyer
The rocker of the chicks, she kinda scares me a little. I think she could actually beat up everyone in this room. If you take her hair out, Amanda has a plump-Full-House-Candice-Cameron look about her, so sayeth Jason. KT and I think Kelly Osbourne.

None of know what she’s singing. Actually, I can’t really understand anything she’s saying. I know the song, and can hear the original in my mind, and it sounds better in my mind—I heard it in “Good Morning, Vietnam”.

Randy likes the performance. Paula says “flowers, clouds, ponies, puppies”. Simon likes her as well. Steph Leann and I both said, “What was that?” We still don’t know.

Amy Davis
Yet another that I don’t remember in the audition process. Her eyebrows are kind of weird. Pointy. She’s singing “Where the Boys Are” by Connie Francis.

I’m bored already. Jason fell asleep the moment Amy opened her mouth. Not only is the song boring, the performance is boring. KT just lapsed into a coma. Steph Leann is getting caffeine injections, though with that final note, we all woke up.

Randy didn’t like it. Paula is looking for something positive, so she naturally regressed to how pretty Amy looks, which is a stretch too. Amy’s okay. Simon didn’t like it, either.

Brooke White
One of my preseason hopefuls, the chick who reminds me of Carly Simon, and I luvs me some Carly Simon. She’s almost got the mouth for it.

Brooke is taking on “Happy Together” by the Turtles. Maybe I’m biased, but I kinda like her. David Cook may have done it a little better last night, but Brooke is doing her thing.

Randy liked it by the middle. Paula blows sunshine. Simon liked the song, but considered it all average. One thing I can say is, Brooke has great hair, and is very toothy. Her eyebrows are normal, though.

Alexandrea Lushington
Alex gets the award for being the most likely to look like she belongs in Destiny’s Child. Gosh, my pop culture vein runs empty again… she’s singing “Spinning Wheel” by… by… by… crap. She’s pretty soulful, and KT and I both kinda like her.

I dig it because she’s fun. She’s bouncing all over the stage, though Jason observes the suspenders looks like Rerun from “What’s Happening” and subsequently, “What’s Happening Now”. Randy says, “You blew the doors off a’dat”.

Its Blood Sweat & Tears, by the way.

Paula has a wheelbarrow of fluff and she’s dumping it out on the stage, complete with a “dope outfit” compliment. Simon didn’t get it. He says it sounds musical-esque, but darn it, I really liked it. It was the most fun of any chick tonight.

Kady Malloy
Jailbait alert! Before the age shows up, I just want to go on the record and say she’s kinda hot. And then it flashes up that she’s 18. I sorta feel creepy now, but at least she’s legal.

She’s the one who can imitate Britney Spears, without the bald head and bi-polar disorder and kids and crappy ex husband and all that.

Kady is singing “Groovy Kind of Love” by The Mindbenders. Unlike Amy Davis, she’s actually doing well with the ballad. If you’re going to do a ballad, you gotta wail, and though Kady isn’t wailing, per se, at least I’m awake. Maybe its because she’s hot.

Jason is yawning, but KT, Steph Leann and I can dig it. Randy says “okay”, while Paula tosses up some fluff on butterfly wings, headed straight for Kady. Simon didn’t like it at all. And Kady looks as if she’s holding back the tears.

Her problem was she did the Phil Collins version from the 80s and not the 60s original version.

Asia’h Epperson
Right off the bat, Jason tosses out, “Her eyebrows make her look like she’s always surprised”. Asia’h is the chick who lost her father a few days before the auditions.

She’s tossing some soul in the frying pan and cooking up a big plate of Janis Joplin, sprinkling it with “A Piece of My Heart”, and you know, her dinner tastes good. She did some good work with it, and I really liked it. KT and Jason are having an eyebrow conversation, while Steph Leann just nods.

Randy loved it, Paula has sunshine, and Simon says it was the best of the night. And, truly, she’s got some great hair. She actually is cuter than Kady Malloy. Asia’h is the new hotness.

Ramiele Malubay
She’s just shy of five feet tall, and she’s very tiny and very cute and very fun. Not as cute as Asia’h or Kady, but still.

She’s singing some Dusty Springfield, which is some big shoes to fill. “You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me” is her song of choice, and Steph Leann is singing along. Now THIS is how you sing a ballad.

Me: She looks like an Asian porn start
Steph Leann: David!
Jason: I think she looks like she works at a nail salon
KT: Or a sushi bar

I am totally impressed with Rami, as is the rest of the room. Jason declares her his favorite. The fact that Steph Leann was clutching her blanket and singing is a good sign.

Randy loved her, Paula loved her, and Simon? He didn’t like her in the auditions, but tonight, “you outsung every single person”

Syesha Mercado
So, this chick looks like a black Julia Stiles with a fro, and what’s weird is that I don’t think Julia Stiles is all that pretty… but Syesha is. She’s the one who had a terrible throat infection, and talked via notepad for two days, and then belted it out in the performance.

“Tobacco Road” is her song of choice, and once again, the artist has left me. I don’t really like the song all that much, but her performance is pretty good. She nails it, actually.

Randy liked it, and Paula fluffs it up. Simon liked it too, declaring her one of the most talented chicks in the competition.

Steph Leann liked it, as did Jason and KT.

Carly Smithson
Our Irish chick closes out the show. Tattoos all over her arm, she had a record contract at 17, but the company went bankrupt. So here she is, and she’s got a cute face, but I could not handle the tats on the arm. Too much. I’m lucky that all of Steph Leann’s tats are hidden. I do like the replica of the $100 bill with my face on it that she has on her back. Perhaps I shouldn’t have said that. Its better than KT’s “88” tat, or Scott Latta’s “3” on his butt (don’t ask me how I know that)

She’s singing something I’ve never heard of… perhaps it’s a 60’s Irish folk song. She looks like a reformed Goth chick.

Randy reveals that Carly has bronchitis, but declares it the best vocal of the Top 24. I don’t agree. Paula puts sunshine in a needle and shoots Carly up with it. Simon didn’t like it. I don’t know that I did either, and most of the room didn’t.

So, who’s going home? Amy Davis, for sure. And I’m guessing Amanda Overmyer, or possibly (gulp) Kady Malloy.