Brooke Is She Said (and paula might just be crazy...)

Is it just me, or is Paula Abdul absolutely bonkers? I mean, many people logged on, expecting to find an Idol blog on Wednesday, if not Tuesday night, but combine the business of getting ready for Eco-Sure (more on that later) at Starbucks with something so bizarre and befuddling on Idol Tuesday night, I needed a day or so to figure out what I would say.

First, you have to know this is one episode of American Idol I was not looking forward to. Neil Diamond has never been atop my favorite artists list, not to mention the fact that I can name two, maybe three of his songs... "Sweet Caroline", "America" and I have a .45 somewhere of a song from "ET: The Extra Terrestrial", a song called "Heartlight". Its pretty crappy.

Secondly, I knew that My Next American Idol Brooke White had numbered days. She survived KLC, she survived Simba, she even got past a possibly more talented, yet not loved by me as much Irish Carly, and if not this week, she definitely wasn't going to make the Final Trio, sure to be the all male club of David Rob Thomas Cook, Young Dave and The Dreadlocked One (who I actually pegged to get knocked out in the first few weeks, but lo and behold, here he is).

So, the set up. As host Ryan Seacrest tells us about fifty times, the show is packed and they have to move fast. Each Idol is singing two Neil Diamond songs, and because of the frantic pace of the show, all the contestants will sing their first song, then the judges can give quick feedback, before the second round of songs begins.

Randy gives his quick mark, loving on Young David and David Rob Thomas Cook, not so much on The Dreadlocked One, The Black Julia Stiles and My Next American Idol Brooke White. Then Paula spoke, and this happened:



Now, if you haven't seen it, I hope you soaked in the hilarity and utter chaos of this moment. Watch it again, and when they pan to the contestants around :15 seconds into it, watch their uncomfortable shuffle, and Ryan's quick look to the sidelines (probably to producer Nygel Lythgoe) around the :20 mark. What to do?

The Lovely Steph Leann and I both watched in wonder on Tuesday, then we looked at each other, and we both started laughing, loud and long. I had to pause it (DVR, bay-bee!!) because we lost track of anything going on. After I could breathe, I said, "Let the conspiracy theorists begin!"

And they did.

I usually go to EW Online to get the weekly Idol review, though bear in mind, my blog is typically done during the show, so my jokes are all my own, thank you. Michael Slezak is the EW reviewer, and his weekly post was just as I suspected... questioning the validity of the show.

Think about it... why did Paula critique the second song as forgettable, then say she was reading notes about David Rob Thomas Cook, then when she did get to him, say he was fabulous? Now, the three biggest theories are:

1) The show is actually scripted. The producers know who their winners should be, they let the viewers vote, but unless it jibes with what they want, it doesn't matter, and the notes of proper coaching are given to the judges before hand. VotefortheWorst.com was all over this line of thinking, as were many of the online commenters and bloggers.

2) Paula Abdul is official a member of Team Bats*** with Mirna, Charla and The Honorable Revr'n Jeremiah Wright.

3) The judges are allowed access to dress rehearsals and, with a small bit of #2 in there, Paula did see The Dreadlocked One's second song and did have some notes on it. This is a theory espoused by former Idol contestant Jon Peter Lewis, and the one I actually tend to believe.

Do producers have some say in it? I'm pretty sure they do. I mean, can you imagine what a nightmare for American Idol if a final two consisted of Kristy Lee Cook and Ramiele Malubay? Holy crap that would suck. But the mere fact that Taylor Hicks won American Idol a few years ago, and not Daughtry or My Dear McPheever has got to make a statement that the producers don't control all of it.

That being said, if the producers do script the show and control the outcome, the best thing they could do for the credibility of the show is to have Young David knocked off next week, leaving The Dreadlocked One, The Black Julia Stiles and the eventual winner, David Rob Thomas Cook.

As for the performances themselves, truly, the nights only standout for me was My Next American Idol Brooke White's "I Am I Said".



David Rob Thomas Cook was great, as usual, The Black Julia Stiles was very, very good, and The Dreadlocked One bored me, as he's been doing for weeks now. Young David? Same ol' same ol'. Talented, but he just sounds the same week after week.

When My Next American Idol Brooke White got up with a guitar to sing The Monkees "I'm a Believer", written by Neil Diamond, I told The Lovely Steph Leann, "This is going to be a train wreck." Simon said the same thing, using "Nightmare".

What My Next American Idol Brooke White did on her second song, however, was really good... not only did it make me want to go find that song on iTunes (by Neil Diamond, no less!), but it was worth another viewing. This is song pretty much represents why I'm buying a My Next American Idol Brooke White cd. The Lovely Steph Leann told me that she expects a David Rob Thomas Cook cd from me, though, when its available.

As for the results, it was true to form... the crappy Ford video, the cheeseball group musical numbers, the obligatory new album pushing performances from the mentor (Neil Diamond) and from outta nowhere, Natasha Bedingfield (who Ryan Seacrest said, "Has been dominating the charts!", to which The Lovely Steph Leann asked me, "Really? Since when?" Let's face it... after "Unwritten", she's got nothing else) and of course, the results.

I was guessing The Dreadlocked One and My Next American Idol Brooke White would be the bottom two, cause really, The Black Julia Stiles has only gotten better as the season has gone on, and in retrospect, was really good, but MNAIBW and TBJS were your bottom two. Predictably, MNAIBW said goodbye. I was prepared for this, though, so it wasn't a blow to my system...

Ryan only glossed over Paula's wacky night, which was a little unexpected. I thought he'd say something confirming the show's voting process, or something to give a little more credibility to the house that Paula's words took a sledgehammer to, but all he gave us was "She's a member of our family, we love her." Ryan was blowing sunshine, really.

Being in the midst of all if it, EW also has an on-set columnist, who gave a great on-the-scene report during the results show. Thought you would enjoy it.

Back soon with more than just Idol, I promise!

Idol on Broadway

Its lights… its music… its KT… it’s the Lovely Steph Leann… its Broadway…

This.

Is American Idol.

No kidding… its Broadway night, featuring the music of Andrew Lloyd Webber. If anything, there should be something inspirational for Young David to belt out, and another chance for David Rob Thomas Cook to take a sappy song and turn it into a rock song.

Webber is known for such Broadway shows like Phantom of the Opera, Evita, The Starlight Express (a terrible show) and the highly overrated Cats. Really, really overrated. I have seen it twice. I saw it once with Kate Lewis, a dreamy Kappa Delta, in 1995, and was so bored by the show I fell asleep. So, a decade later, The Lovely Steph Leann and I went to see it. I stayed awake. And it still sucked.

Syesha Mercado
She’s taking on “One Rock and Roll Too Many” from… well, from a show I don’t know. Or maybe I do, but don’t know the song.

The Black Julia Stiles doesn’t have her poofy hair (and actually, she looks pretty hot), so I don’t know if this will be good or not. Actually, it sounds pretty good, almost like it belongs in “Chicago”, though that’s not a Webber show.

Randy declares it her best performance to date. Paula blows sunshine, calling this Broadway atmosphere “your happy place”. What? And then Simon tops it off by saying The Black Julia Stiles was very sexy.

Turns out this song was from Starlight Express, which is why I didn't recognize the song. I've tried to block that two hours out--which means it may or may not be better than Cats. Is it better to be bored to tears and miss some from nodding off, or be fully awake by the dazzling colors but be aghast at how crappy a story made up of toys that come alive on roller skates can be? These are the things that puzzle this great nation.

Jason Castro
So, he’s singing “Memory”. From Cats. I mean, the show was terrible, but the two bright spots were “Memory” and “Gus the Theater Cat”.

Just saw the Pixar trailer for “Wall*E”, and The Lovely Steph Leann just freaked out, and clapped with her feet. I’m not sure I’ve ever gotten her that excited.

The Dreadlocked admits to have never seeing any of the shows by Webber, and is surprised to find out that a cat sings it—an old “Glamour Puss”, according to Andy Webber. And he says he’s nervous about singing this song… and he should be.

I mean, I guess he’s not destroying the song… but really, no new ground has been broken here. The mosh pit was waving their arms, to which I said, “Those kids don’t even know what this song is.”

KT likes to make fun of The Dreadlocked One. She does it so much during this song, the Lovely Steph Leann actually smacks her.

Randy says it was a train wreck. Paula tries to find her way around the grumpy gorillas to give The Dreadlocked One some good ‘ol sunshine. Simon is rolling his eyes, saying it was the longest two minutes of his life.

Brooke White
Here’s a song called “You Must Love Me”, the new song from the “Evita” movie, starring Madonna. A-Webb says, “I’m not sure she had a clue what she was singing about.”

A-Webb gives her the explanation, and My Next American Idol Brooke White finally clicks, and is ready to blow us away!

She starts… and she stops after the first line, and asks the band to start again… KT somehow knew this (I think she was talking to Mrs. KT’s mom), and is quietly snickering at the demise of My Next American Idol Brooke White. Could this be the week that The Black Julia Stiles surpassed My Next American Idol Brooke White, much like she somehow topped Irish Carly and KLC last week?

The song is about death, or at least, a dying woman. And My Next American Idol Brooke White does the song justice, after her trouble at the beginning. And she stands, fearful of what is to come from the judges.

Randy says the vocals were tough, Paula is desperately searching for sunshine. She’s trying so hard. “You must never start and stop,” she says, slowly. Wow, there’s no sunshine, I mean, Paula is doing all she can to find some… My Next American Idol Brooke White doesn’t even get a “you look great!”

Simon says, “It was so dramatic, I love live TV!” He states the obvious, at how My Next American Idol Brooke White became very tense and wound up after starting and then stopping and starting again. She stands with Seacrest, holding back tears, doing her best to stay composed.


And since we're on the subject of Broadway, I figured I'd break out a video. Personally, my favorite show is "Mamma Mia!", followed ever so close by "Les Miserables", but Les Miz features my favorite Broadway tune of all time... "On My Own", sung by Eponine to start the second act. Talk about gut wretching. Like, she loves this guy like crazy, and she ends up dying while taking a love note from him to Cosette, the chick he actually loves. Bad times.


This is taken from the Les Miserables 10th Anniversary Concert, though my favorite version is found on the Highlights (not the Original Cast).

David Archuleta
Young David sings the songs from a guy who has shows that are almost all older than he is. The Lovely Steph Leann predicts “Music of the Night”.

Wow… he is taking “Think of Me”. I mean, that’s a huge one, sung by Christine Diae, the ingénue of the show, and Young David is going to take on a chick song. And for once, the arrangement for Young David strays off the beaten path, with a solo guitarist in the background.

I’ll be honest with ya… this might be the best I’ve ever heard him sing. Like, this song has gone from a classic Broadway showtune to something you’d hear on the former 94.5, when they used to play Michael Buble and Wilson Phillips.

KT is dissing on Young David’s hand motions, apparently motions he’s made many times before. All I know is, I’m marveled that I wasn’t bored.

Randy says “Da bomb! This boy’s the one to beat!!”. Paula, unlike My Next American Idol Brooke White, has plenty of sunshine for Young David. Simon says it was just pleasant, but weak. For one of the few times, I disagree, because I thought it was brilliant.

Young David did David Rob Thomas Cook before David Rob Thomas Cook had a chance to do David Rob Thomas Cook.

Carly Smithson
Irish Carly is taking on “The Phantom of the Opera” again, but until A-Webb hears her. He tells her not to sing “All I Ask of You” and steers her to “Jesus Christ Superstar”, which is one of my favorite, all time Broadway songs.

The version I have on my iPod is sung by a big black man named Clive Rowe, which I believe is the Judas character singing. Irish Carly is not really a big black man, but she’s rockin’ it out.

She took Broadway, threw it in the Heart Barracuda Machine, and out pops a great, great night. KT looks bored to tears.

Randy doesn’t know if its her best, but it was definitely good. Paula loved it so much, she’s dumping sunshine by the bra full on Irish Carly. Simon thought it was a little shouty, but declared it one of his favorite performances of the night. Irish Carly pulls out a shirt that says “Simon Likes Me!! (this week)”.

You know, upon furthe contemplation, she would have rocked out with "Phantom of the Opera", though I guess the duet part would have been hard.

David Cook
From Phantom of the Opera, David Rob Thomas Cook takes on “Music of the Night”, to which A-Webb declares it’s the most sensual song he’s ever written. I think A-Webb actually might be coming on to David Rob Thomas Cook. Awkward, bad times. Seriously.

I mean, he’s no Michael Crawford—who is, really—but he’s not doing too bad. He’s keeping with the traditional performances of the song, as if he stepped straight out of the show, straight off of stage. KT says, “I think its frickin’ awesome…”, but I don’t know whether to believe her, because she said the same thing about Young David and My Next American Idol Brooke White.

Wow. That was feeeee-nominal.

Randy says it was amazing, another molten hot lava bomb right here. Paula + sunshine = blubber. Simon says David Rob Thomas Cook made the most of the song, though admits its not the side of he likes.

I think this was a great step for DRTC, simply because he’s done some great stuff already—“Hello”, “Billie Jean”, and so on—but tonight, he showed us a different side, and proved that yes, he can sing whatever.

Tonight, David Rob Thomas Cook takes my top spot, over Young David, who was almost equally as great. Behind the Davids, Irish Carly and The Black Julia Stiles tied for third, while… okay, The Dreadlocked One was slightly better than My Next American Idol Brooke White, but she is My Next American Idol… so The Dreadlocked One is last tonight.

The bottom three? My Next American Idol Brooke White, The Black Julie Stiles and The Dreadlocked One… and I think tomorrow night is the night we lose My Next American Idol Brooke White. Sigh.

And probably deservedly.

Sigh.

And They Called the Idol Mariah

For those of you who can't see the videos, try just clicking on it. Otherwise... I have no idea.

Tonight is Mariah Carey night. First, let me set the record straight... I really, really like Mariah Carey. I don't love Mariah Carey like I used to... back in the day, when she first came out, especially with "Music Box" and "Daydream" and her self-titled debut, she was awesome... I loved Mariah then.

And then, for some reason, she decided that every song needed to have a (c)rap artist behind it. So instead of "Heartbreaker", we got "Heartbreaker (ft. Jay-Z)". Instead of "Loverboy", we get "Loverboy (ft Da Brat, Ludacris, Twenty II and Shawnna)". I didn't make those up, by the way.

Pre-skank Mariah... incredible. Post-skank Mariah... just okay.

Tonight's crew is KT, The Lovely Steph Leann, Britlicious and myself... earlier, The Lovely Steph Leann had over about eight other women for a Chick-Fellowship. I came downstairs to all the lovely ladies in the house, and remarked, "This reminds me of college".

The Not Quite As Lovely Yet Lovely Still Steph Halpert asked, "Ladies man?", to which I said, "No, not really. Just like now, they were all unattainable."

By the way, Mariah Carey got her name from the musical "Paint Your Wagon", the song called "They Called the Wind Mariah". This is why you keep reading--random crap just like this.

This.

Is American Idol.

Ryan lets you know that you need to vote, lest we see a repeat of last week, where Aussie Michael went and KLC and The Black Julia Stiles stayed.

My favorite Mariah songs? (10) "Someday", (9) "I Don't Wanna Cry", (8) "Without You", (7) "Heartbreaker", (6) "If It's Over", (5) "All I Want For Christmas", (4) "Always Be My Baby", (3) "Vision of Love", (2) "Fantasy" and finally, my favorite Mariah Carey song:



David Archuleta
So I predicted it... I said just a minute or two ago, Young David would sing something inspirational, because let's face it, this is all he can do. Be honest with yourself--he's got a great voice, but really, unless its "lift you up" kind of junk, he's not doing so hot.

Tonight, he's singing "If You Believe", the song from "Prince of Egypt", sung by both Mariah and Whitney Houston. This might be the first time ever that a guy--or a girl for that matter--has taken on both Mariah and Whitney at the same time. Toss in "My Heart Will Go On" and his head might explode. Or mine.

Britlicious dares to say that My Next American Idol Brooke White is just like this. Scandalous.

Randy loves him some Young David. Paula gives her sunshine a large push towards Young David. Simon actually says, "I would have bet you would have chosen that song." He liked it well enough.

Carly Smithson
The big deal tonight is that all the chicks will be compared to Mariah's version of the songs... the guys will get away with it if they just sing it decently enough.

The Lovely Steph Leann and I have a quick exchange about Young David's future, and she says that he might have a great Michael Buble-like career. I reply, "It might be kind of weird, though, to put on an Archuleta record to get in the mood, like a couple would do with Buble. Unless your Michael Jackson, that is."

Irish Carly is singing my 8th favorite Mariah Carey song, "Without You", originated by Harry Nilsson (though Mariah's is better).

KT comments on the cleavage that Irish Carly is busting out, looking like backwards paranthesis really. She has her tats covered, and for the first time, I'm digging me some Irish Carly. She does well with it, I think, hitting the good notes.

Randy thinks its just so-so, pulling out the "started bad, ended good" cliche. Paula blows sunshine. How can anyone talk for ten minutes and not say anything? (yes, yes, I do that here all the time...). Simon didn't like it, saying he thinks she's better than that.

Syesha Mercado
And we're back, now with The Black Julia Stiles trying to take on Mariah. She's got the poofy hair, which is a good thing. She's singing "Vanishing", one of Mariah's old, old songs, off the first album. We all agree this is a good thing, since there's not Da Brat, DMX, Jay-Z, XYZ, LL Bean or anyone else to back her up.

The Lovely Steph Leann shows her musical knowledge by saying she wants to see a Mariah song sung without the runs. Whatever that means.

Randy says, "good job", while Paula rambles about butterflies, glitter, music boxes and rainbows. Simon says that while "technically it was very, very good, however, you run a risk by choosing a song that not many people know." I think she runs a risk by not being named David Rob Thomas Cook, The Dreadlocked One or Young David.

Brooke White
For whatever reason, My Next American Idol took a page from Simba's book and decided to fluffernut her hair up. KT imitates her by doing the same. But, remember, KT is not My Next American Idol.

Mariah is singing not only one of The Lovely Steph Leann's least favorite Mariah songs (and there aren't that many she'd consider favorites--unless you count "Last Night a DJ Saved My Life, ft Busta Rhymes, Fabulous and DJ Clue" from the "Glitter" album.) but also one of her least favorite songs ever.

My Next American Idol Brooke White is at the piano, singing "Hero". KT is mocking the head bobs, Britlicious has a scrunched look on her face, and The Lovely Steph Leann just threw up in her mouth. I, however, am amused and pleasantly pleased by My Next American Idol Brooke White.

Randy liked it... until the bridge. What? He liked the beginning, and didn't like the end? What is happening here?

Paula loved it, of course. Even pausing, perhaps looking for words to describe My Next American Idol Brooke White, perhaps trying not to drool. Who knows with Paula.

Simon says that she didn't have much choice with this song... he says its like a burger without the meat. No meat in the song. Paula is confused. So is My Next American Idol Brooke White. Randy pipes up, "There was meat! Maybe there was no condiments!"

Kristy Lee Cook
This is a song called "Forever". This is an Americal Idol called KLC. This is a performance sure to be interesting.

From the "Daydream" album, arguably one of my favorite discs of the 1990s, KLC is... actually doing it justice. Like, seriously. Like, I want to find this song horrendous, but seriously... not only does she look kinda cute, but she's singing a Mariah Carey song well.

Is this a sign of the rapture? Aussie Michael goes home, Randy likes the beginning of a song and not the ending, KLC does well on Mariah Week... next we'll see earthquakes, volcanos, the dead rising from the grave, human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!! Of course, this might be a result of Global Warming, but who knows...

Randy is surprised that he liked it too. Paula shovels some sunshine her way. Simon even liked it a little bit.

KLC is actually kinda growing on me... she's not my least favorite, that honor now belonging to The Black Julia Stiles. Her sign, "Kristy's Seat", that she made to put on the Bottom Three chair was really funny, and she's done decently well for the last week or two. KLC won't win, but she might last a little longer.

David Cook
When finding out that David Rob Thomas Cook is next, Britlicious responds "This should be interesting."

He's taking on my 4th favorite Mariah song, "Always Be My Baby", fresh from the "Daydream" cd. And wow, DRTC is doing awesome. I love how this guy takes songs and makes his own arrangement... its not like he's just covering a song, its like he's in concert and among his own singles, he sings a cover of another artist in his own style. Fine, I'll admit it... I might consider buying a David Rob Thomas Cook cd, if the music is like this.

That was awesome. The Lovely Steph Leann didn't like the original, but really liked this version.

Randy stands up for the first time this season, with an applause. Paula says of the song, "That could be in a movie soundtrack." A what? Not a single, not a #1, but a movie soundtrack? Simon says, "That was like coming out of a bad karaoke concert to a breath of fresh air." Brilliant.

Jason Castro
And finally, The Dreadlocked One tries to follow up the incredible "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" version. From her first cd in 1990, The Dreadlocked One takes on my 9th favorite Mariah song ever, "I Don't Wanna Cry".


The Dreadlocked One was so good last week, I had to post this. As time goes by, this might join Amy Adams "Sin Wagon", George Huff's "Take Me To the Pilot", Kat McPhee's "Black Horse & the Cherry Tree", Carrie Underwood's "Alone", among others, as one of my favorite Idol performances ever...

Atop a stool, with a bongo drummer and guitarist behind him, The Dreadlocked One does his own little spin on the song. I like it... its a little risky, and yet, his version takes out all the huge notes he'd have to hit (and would undoubtedly miss) if he did a version closer to the original.

Randy says he didn't really love it. He pulls a Simon phrase and says, "I feel like I was at a beach luau, and someone is playing in the distance." Paula says, "I would love to be at that luau." Yes, yes she would.

Simon agrees with... Paula. Shockingly, he says it wasnt the best version, but it definately did The Dreadlocked One well.

So tonight... we all agree that tonight was good. Britlicious liked David Rob Thomas Cook, KT says David Rob Thomas Cook and "KLC, unfortunately." The Lovely Steph Leann liked My Next American Idol Brooke White. My favorites? I gotta go with David Rob Thomas Cook, followed by My Next American Idol Brooke White, and then... KLC? The Dreadlocked One, Irish Carly, Young David (only because I just don't like the song) and then, The Black Julia Stiles.

I put Irish Carly, The Black Julia Stiles and... My Next American Idol Brooke White in the bottom three. KLC stays safe, and The Black Julia Stiles goes home. Just my thoughts.

The World's Wildest Blog Videos Caught On Tape

Hey... big ups to Joey Thornell and Alissa Kelly, who got engaged tonight! Joey is a great guy, and Alissa is a beautiful girl, and together, it seems just right, doesn't it? Congrats!!
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One of the biggest shockers in Idol's history... and I wasn't surprised. Well, okay, I was a little surprised, but inevitably, someone who could potentially win gets voted off before someone who has no business advancing.

Michael Johns fell victim to the same curse that saw Daughtry, Melinda Doolittle, Kimberly Locke, even CheezyDeezy, and countless others get the boot, while watching lesser talented (in this case Syesha Mercado) or less interesting (in this case, KLC) advance, to join Jasmine Trias, Sanjaya, Josh Gracin and even Taylor Hicks in the "Shouldn't Be Still Here" group.

I can actually agree when they say "this is the most talented group ever", because truly, when David Rob Thomas Cook, Young David Archuleta, My Next American Idol Brooke White, Irish Carly Smithson and The Dreadlocked One Jason Castro go head to head as the final five, its going to be awesome... if they all make it that far. Let's face it--I like The Black Julia Stiles. I think she's borderline hot. But she's kinda boring, really. And KLC? There's nothing interesting about her. She seems pleasant, but she's not My Next American Idol.

Bottom line is, Michael Johns deserved to stay. His version of "Dream On", while not perfect, truly wasn't his worst. But that's me.
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I do love my DirecTV. There's a Jewelry Channel. Like, really. Right now, I'm watching truTV (formerly CourtTV), some show called "Bait Car". I don't really know the premise of the reality show, or as TruTV says, "actuality show", other than... well, "bait cars" are placed out to bait car thieves. Apparently, it works, hence, the show "Bait Car".

The in-car dash cam catches this exchange between a father and son:
Son, realizing the cops are behind him: Go! Just go, dad, go!
Father, drunk: Naw, son, they got us
Son: No dad! Just hit the gas! Go!
Father, pulling over: Naw son, they got us. They got us.
Police, in the background and getting out of their car: Put your hands where we can see them!
Son, raising his hands straight up through the open sunroof: I love you, dad

No, KT, I'm not making any of this up.

Another show I dig on truTV is Panama City Beach Patrol, which is just what it sounds like. Cameras follow the Panama City Police during Spring Break. I hail from Samson, AL, which is about 70 minutes north of Panama City... actually, take a left out of my parents driveway, head down Hwy 87, which turns to Hwy 81 when you cross the Florida line, travel another 50 miles, take a left, then take a right, and 15 minutes later, you're at the water. You could literally skip school, enjoy five hours at the beach, then get back before the last bell rang. Not that I did that.

Anyway, its fun to watch Panama City Beach Patrol, because I totally recognize, and have actually stayed, at some of the hotels and motels in the background. I watch the show, and I'm like "Hey, I made out with Labett White there!" or "Hey, I danced in a fire lit circle outside of that hotel!" or "I went to that club!"

Crap like this is a guilty pleasure--though I'm not a big fan of "Cops", cause there's only so much redneck I can take. I love those "World's Wildest Police Chase" shows too... Once, while actually in Panama City, I was about to head out of the hotel room to enjoy the sunshine of a 75 degree day. One of those shows was on, and I ended up sitting down and watching it. Drew Morris came in. He started watching it. Shawn Sharp walked in, and he too was caught. Another guy came in, and was sucked in. So, at the worlds most beautiful beaches, on a nice 75 degree day, when there are scantily clad Christian girls outside in inappropriate bikinis (this was a churchy type retreat), and there are four guys, watching two hours of "World's Wildest Police Chases" on the local Fox affiliate.

On right now? "The Smoking Gun presents The World's Dumbest Drivers Caught On Video", featuring commentary by Danny Bonaduce, Tonya Harding and Leif Garrett. I love my life.

Watching this show, though I did flip through the channels though, and on certain settings, you can see the information about a show as you continue to watch the original show. This is important to know the channel never changes when I tell you that right now on Cinemax is "Bikini Girls From Lost Planet". I only mention this because the info says "Scantily clad women are pleasing to the eye". I laughed.
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I just realized that I've got 9,830 files on my iPod, a collection of songs, videos, TV shows and other fun stuff... and nowhere is Bobby Darin's "Mack the Knife". This is a travesty that must be corrected immediately.

I'll download it tomorrow, at the same time as "Over the Rainbow", the version by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole, as peformed by The Dreadlocked One this past week on Idol. I'd heard this version behind some commercial, but didn't know who was singing it... now I know it, and I'll own it. I rule.
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Seems I have lots of C-list celebrity friends... many of you readers know that Ambre Lake and I, from "Rock of Love 2 with Bret Michaels", were friends in college, went out once, and did children's theater together. I'm also friends with Michael Warren, local musician and on the verge of breaking it big. And now, my buddy Bobby Black (turn up your volume, then click on the top section... its priceless) found me on Facebook, and not only has he done some successful cruise work, he's been headlining with his group The Las Vegas Tenors.


Bobby is the one on screen when you see "A Night To Remember!" splash across the screen.

He also told me he's friends with Paige Davis. I love Paige Davis. Seriously. Now I'm jealous.

Which brings me back to The Panama City Beach Patrol... they rescued some kid from alcohol poisoning at the same Holiday Inn that Miranda Bryant, Mandy Stewart, Bobby Black and I stayed in, when... you know, this is where the circle of fire comes in... you only thought I was kidding about the part, didn't you?
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Last summer, I worked really hard on assembling my favorite 100 movies of all time, in list form. I called it The Dave100. Then, I set out to list them, one by one, starting at 100, all the way to my favorite movie ever. Well, life caught up, as it tends to do, and I never got past the first ten movies or so... in that time, I've managed to see a few more films, such as "The 40 Year Old Virgin" that I absolutely love, and films like "Enchanted" that I know I'll be able to watch over and over and over...

And I've reviewed my original list, and seen a few movies near the bottom that, last summer, I really was crazy about, but upon further review today, perhaps aren't as good as some. I watched half of "To Kill a Mockingbird" today--my pick for the Greatest Film Ever Made--and realized it should be ranked higher. I love that movie.

And... my number one has changed. I have a new favorite movie, really for the first time in about, I don't know, 18 years.

So, with all that in mind, plus a few new people I can call on to commentate, such as KT, or Jason, or even DeLisa and husband DeNick, I'm going to restart the list this summer... restart and finish the list this summer. That's my pledge.
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On the "The Smoking Gun presents The World's Dumbest Drivers Caught on Video", just saw a clip of guy who had stolen a car, veered off the road and jumped out to surrender. Only, he forgot to put the truck in park. He leaps on the ground, puts his hands behind his head, and the truck proceeds to roll over his leg. The funniest thing was, the guy kept his hands behind his head when he started screaming in pain, and rolling around, and the cops just ran up and planted their feet in his back.
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Okay, I just flipped through the channel guide, and saw that "The Last of the Mohicans" is coming on Starz! tonight, at around 130am. I don't plan on being awake, but if I am, I'll end up watching it. "The Last of the Mohicans" is not only in the Dave100, (Spoiler Alert!) its in the Dave25... just an incredible movie.

When Daniel Day-Lewis is holding on to the then-hot Madeleine Stowe in the waterfall cave, you hear one of the greatest Pimp lines ever... "No, you submit, do you hear? You be strong... you survive... you must stay alive, no matter what occurs! I will find you. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you."

It's God's will that I didn't deliver these lines to Kathy Hollingsworth my freshman year of college, because she would have totally been mine had I done so. I'm okay with how it turned out, ya know?

Idol: Inspiration Gives Back

So, its Idol time… Idol Gives Back is this week. And today, we have a room with just The Lovely Steph Leann and KT, but now we are joined by Big Paulie, Sammy C, Croyle 1 and Croyle 2, all ready to enjoy the music and frivolity of the obsession known as American Idol!

Tonight’s theme is “Inspirational Songs”, which isn’t surprising, given the nature of tomorrow’s show.

Michael Johns
“Dream On” by Aerosmith… could this be the first time that Aerosmith has actually been covered on American Idol? Surely “Walk This Way” wouldn’t be family friendly enough to qualify… and so, I guess “Dream On” is inspirational?

He manages to his the shrieks made famous by Steven Tyler, which elicits giggles from KT and a few others in the room. Big Paulie is unfamiliar with the show’s contestants, and the show in general, asking “That’s all they get to sing?”

Randy said it was aight, but a bit pitchy. Paula blows sunshine. KT says, “If she makes a wrong move, her boobs are popping out of her dress.” Ten years ago, I would have been all about that—now? I might throw up in my mouth. Simon says it was good, but it sounded like Aussie Michael was trying to impersonate Aerosmith.

Big Paulie, after Ryan makes a boob joke of his own, says, “Oh, that’s Ryan Seacrest? I’ve heard of him!”

Syesha Mercado
The Lovely Steph Leann points out that The Black Julia Stiles has the Mickey Mouse hair again… she’s singing “I Believe” by Fantasia. First of all, Fantasia does me no good… she’s obnoxious. Big Paulie says, “She looks like she has a Pomeranian on her head.” Croyle 1 adds, “I can’t get past the poof.”

Personally, she only sings well when she has the poof. When she has the straight hair, The Black Julia Stiles can’t get it done. All I know is, I’m inspired.

Randy says, “You took on a tiger!” talking about Fantasia. Croyle 2 points out that The Black Julia Stiles keeps picking out songs by artists you can’t messed with—Whitney last week, Fantasia this week—and she has a valid point. Paula blows sunshine.

Simon says he thought she sang it well, but there wasn’t enough emotion. He wants to find out “who you are…”

Jason Castro
The Dreadlocked One is singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”. KT makes another “he looks retarded” comment. The Dreadlocked One is doing a ukulele version of the song. This might be a hoot.

This now makes me think of that commercial which has this version behind it, which makes me really like that song… I don’t remember the commercial, but I remember this song! I love it!

And The Dreadlocked One is pulling it off quite well. I’ve just made a discovery too… he’s very toothy. Very straight toothy. And he’s wearing a lot of makeup. And he sounded great just now.

Randy says, “The hottest so far of the night!”, out of the three so far. Paula blows sunshine, saying flowers and birds and tweeties and such… Simon says he loved the version of the song, and he thought The Dreadlocked One was awesome.

Kristy Lee Cook
Ryan says she’s determined to stay out of the bottom three this week. She’s singing “Anyway” by Martina McBride… The Lovely Steph Leann sighs, “Aw, I like this song… now you’re going to make me not like it.”

On a side note, we are all thinking that they should get the themes at the beginning of the season… Young David could have sung “Imagine”, The Dreadlocked One singing, “Hallelujahs”, and KLC singing “God Bless the USA”. If only.

Instead, we get to hear KLC butcher a fine, fine Martina McBride song. We can’t figure out if Paula was dancing or pulling her dress up to keep this show from TV-MA.

Randy loved it, though it was pitchy. Paula blows sunshine, while Simon makes a joke about Paula’s Chihuahuas (again). Croyle 1 is waiting for a wardrobe malfunction. There’s a lot going on in this room, and somehow, I heard Big Paulie say the words “Cold Hearted Snake”.

Simon said that KLC looked like a star.

David Cook
So, Our Lady Peace gets some Idol love, finally. Finally. What kind of injustice exists in this world when Our Lady Peace has to wait seven season to get some recognition on this show. The song is called “Innocent”, a song I’ve never heard by a band I’ve never heard.

David Rob Thomas Cook starts out a little weak, possibly the worst I’ve ever heard. This song is terrible. He’s bringing it back, a little, but still, it was pretty bad. Not good times. Bad times indeed.

Randy is a huge fan of David Rob Thomas Cook, but not this week. Paula blows sunshine. Simon didn’t like it at all, cutting Paula’s sunshine blowing off. He thought it was a little pompous, and to his point, I almost agree. Simon says, “It wasn’t anywhere near the last two weeks.” The room agrees.

Carly Smithson
Our Irish Rocker Carly “The Show Must Go On” by Queen, all about the fact that life goes on, except when its cut short by AIDS due to unprotected gay sex. I’m just sayin’.

She looks like she stepped right out of 1984, with a terribly cheesy tank top, very form fitting, which again, I can’t look at Carly in an attracted way unless you cut her right arm off. Just clean cut it. Not even a nub. Or maybe reattach her hand above the wrist to her shoulder. Thumb and all.

The room has no idea how to take this.

Randy says it was just okay for him, disconnected. Paula almost agrees with Randy, but doesn’t, salvaging some sunshine from the depths of negativity. Simon says, “Well, you look good.” He just likes the shirt. However, Simon thinks Irish Carly oversang the song, coming across as an angry performance, out of kilter with the evening.

David Archuleta
He’s picking “Angels” by… “Angels” by… um… what the crap is this song? Who is on this kids playlist?

I keep waiting for The Disney Channel to offer him a starring role in High School Musical 7: High School Musical. Or High School Free or Die Musical. Or High School Musical With a Vengeance. That’s the one that KT loves.

Big Paulie says, “This isn’t inspirational, this is a love song. It’s about a chick.” All I know is the chick who dumped this guy last year, when he was a junior in high school, is kicking herself.

Randy loved it, loved it, loved it. Paula keeps her sunshine brief. Simon liked it a whole lot, though a bit nasally, but he admits he’s nitpicking.

Brooke White
“I’m done with Dave’s Next American Idol Brooke White,” KT pipes up.
“What? You’ve never liked My Husband’s Next American Idol! You can’t be done with her, you never started with her!” says The Lovely Steph Leann.

If I like what I hear, I wonder where I could download these songs? Perhaps URGE from Microsoft? Or some freeware?

My Next American Idol Brooke White is singing “You’ve Got a Friend”, and not the James Taylor version I don’t like, but instead the Carole King version from “Tapestry” that I really, really like.


Here's My Next American Idol Brooke White from a few weeks ago, in one of KT's favorite clips. This is why I would buy a My Next American Idol Brooke White cd.

There’s a dude at the piano, while My Next American Idol Brooke White stands—and unlike Beatles Week, part 2, she’s not trying to dancing.

Randy says, “I like that, yeeah, what what?” And yet, it was okay for him. Paula blows sunshine. Simon says, “Its like a pleasant walk in the park. Original? No. Pleasant? Yes… (pause) Thank you.”

My favorites of the night… I actually think The Dreadlocked One the best tonight. When it makes me want to go find the song on iTunes, then its good times. I also liked Aussie Michael. I'm guessing the bottom three will be The Black Julia Stiles, and KLC. I think KLC was actually better than David Rob Thomas Cook and Irish Carly, but both of the latter has so much support now, they'll be okay... or at least, DRTC will be. Irish Carly might have a nudge to that third spot... or (gulp) My Next American Idol Brooke White.

I don’t know about you… but…

I feel inspired.

Not Planning On Posting, So You Won't Even Read This

I wanted to post on Friday, but this weekend was rather busy, so I didnt get to it, thinking I would get to do so on Monday (today), and then I spent another 12 hours at work, so right now, as I'm flipping back and forth between the NCAA Championship (Go Tigers!) and WWE Raw (Go HHH!), I'm really tired.

I'm going to crawl up on the brand spankin' new futon right behind me, and continue to watch both until both are over.

There really is much to talk about, the least of which is the Wii, and the story of how it came to be in The Cabana, the dealings with Old Neal Graham, the GameStop stop, and the unfounded love for a game I like to call Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga... I call it that, cause that's what its titled.


Can I tell you how excited I am that I finally figured out how to post videos? (Thanks Scotty). Now that I know this, I can show you this fabulous trailer

Anyway, if I did post anything tonight, which I won't, it wouldn't get read as much because Idol is Tuesday night, and this is Idol Gives Back week, which is more than enough unintentional comedy to last a lifetime, much less one post. At least, its the final week for KLC, and then the real contest can begin (though I think Black Julia Stiles is due for a fall soon).

Speaking of Star Wars and Deal or No Deal, there's a Star Wars themed Deal or No Deal on April 28th. And yes, the banker will be Darth Vader.

New blog I've enjoyed... Carla Says. A quick, good read. She's supposed to put up a blog counter, so perhaps you can help her with her numbers...

For those of you who know Jennifer & Justin Glenn, who's romance blossomed at The Deuce, by the way, they are expecting a baby.

Five Actresses I'm In Total Love With (so much so that I'll practically watch them in anything... in somewhat of a particular order): The Goddess, Kate Winslet, Laura Linney, Debra Messing, Amy Adams

Two Who Used to Be On That List, Until They Suddenly Stopped Being Talented: Nicole Kidman, Jodie Foster

A Couple of Actors I'll Watch In Just About Anything (cause they are just cool): Kevin Spacey, Tom Hanks, Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson (and when I say anything concerning Sam Jackson, I mean anything... he's been in some real crap, I tell ya)

One Guy Who Used to Be Ubercool Until He Joined Charla & Mirna on Team Bats***: Tom Cruise

Why did I list that? Topic of conversation, maybe? Maybe because I'm tired and I'm ready to go to bed (thought Memphis is up by 5, and I can't go now, not with 3 and some change left).

But since American Idol is tomorrow night, I'm not planning on posting anyway, cause who will see it? I'll post a non-Idol post on Thursday. How about that?

Idol: Welcome to Dollywood

Hey... have you seen Dolly Parton's new shoes? Neither has she!! Hey, what song does Dolly Parton sing in the shower? "Smoky Mountain Rain"! Do you remember when you were a kid, how poop jokes, fart jokes and boobie jokes were the funniest things in the world? Of course, the words "poop", "fart" and "boobie" were almost taboo... in a whisper, you'd hear someone go, "...you... said "poop"..."

Who am I kidding? To most guys, those jokes are funny now. In the same manner that guys would NEVER point out another guy who has brown shoes and a black belt (mostly cause we won't notice), girls don't find these things funny.

Anyway, I only bring all of it up, because the Country Diva herself, Dolly Parton is on the air...

This.

Is American Idol.

(cue music here)

Ryan starts us out with an unfunny April Fool's Joke... "This week's show has been preempted, due to legal action pending from the American Vocal Coaches Association... April Fools!"

Dolly is one of those icons that everyone loves. I mean, fans of Johnny Cash, Megadeth, Michael Buble, Mariah Carey, Factor Seven... they all either love, or at least respect, Dolly. She's someone that I would just love for The Lovely Steph Leann and I just to sit down and have dinner with. And I'm going to go on a small limb here and say you'll hear two songs: "9 to 5" and "I Will Always Love You".

Brooke White
And one of my favorite Dolly songs, "Jolene", is being taken on by My Next American Idol Brooke White. Guitar in hand, accompanied by a solo drummer, a violinist and a backup singer, she starts off... well, just ehh... I've heard better. This is hard for me, cause I am anticipating the Brooke White cd that will be released sometime in 2009 (I don't have that confirmed, I'm just guessing).

I'm curious as to how Simon will approach this week, not being much of a country fan. Paula might actually be the only one who appreciates this show.

Randy says it was aight, and that this is her style of music. Paula blows sunshine, telling her, "You are Brooke White." Good job, Paula. Simon says My Next American Idol Brooke White lacked emotion, and even says the three backup players looked odd together.

Ryan says, "This is Brooke White!"

David Cook
Much like Chris Daughtry two seasons ago, David Rob Thomas Cook has set himself up to be The Guy. You know, everyone wants to know what he's going to do. This can be good or bad... last season, it was Sanjaya who was The Guy. And that wasnt good at all.

Just saw a commercial for "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader"... a two hour episode on Thursday. Really? I mean, two hours?

David Rob Thomas Cook mentions the band Doxology, who he borrowed an arrangement from... I only mention this because Doxology was kinda mad that David Rob Thomas Cook did in fact borrow their version of a song from a few weeks ago, and not mention them at all. So, he antes up. The band responded today.

He'll be doing "Little Sparrow", one I'm not really familiar with, though in the pre-performance video, he sounds good and Dolly loves him.

DRTC sounds great... seriously, this guy has a great, great voice. When My Next American Idol Brooke White gets voted off, because that's what always happens, I might elect DRTC as the Next My Next American Idol.

Randy liked it, especially the original arrangement of "Little Sparrow". Paula likes his haircut, saying something about his music like flowers, sunshine, birds, rainbows and fluffernutters. Simon liked last week better, but says, "If you can make a song about sparrows good, which you did, then congratulations."

Ramiele Malubay
Perhaps we can do a double elimination... Little Ramy and KLC, gone in one night. Little Ramy is singing "Do I Cross Your Mind", a great little country oldie.

I looked up at the television, and the camera angle almost gave you a straight-up-the-skirt angle. I threw up in my mouth. Little Ramiele is... just not that good. I mean, why is she still here? I'd love to see CheezyDeezy take on some Dolly.

Randy says he wasnt' jumping up and down, but it was aight, pretty good. Paula is proud of Little Ramy, who laughs as Paula is talking. Simon says it was just forgettable. Cute, but cruise shippy.

Jason Castro
Ryan is sharing fanmail with The Dreadlocked One, a bunch of postcards all from the same girl. Do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do (the sound made with a knife slashing motion). Creepy.

The Dreadlocked One is singing "Traveling Through", who Dolly loved to hear. He starts out with a drummer beating a bongo on the side, and guitar in hand. The Dreadlocked One sounds really good here... this seems like the perfect song for him.

FYI... this song, "Traveling Through", is actually about we are just traveling through this world, with Jesus on the other side. Good stuff... Dolly is a believer, from what I gather. Of course, this was the Oscar nominated song from "Transamerica".

Randy says it was pretty good, while Paula says it was one of his strongest. Then she stumbles over the sunshine. Simon didn't like the song at all. Somehow, I thought he might say that. The word "Jesus" was mentioned.

And just a question... has Randy ever heard a song that started awesome, and fell apart at the end? "Like, you did yo' thang at the beginning, but it was just aight for me at the end"?

Carly Smithson
The Irishgirl is actually singing my very favorite Dolly song, "Here You Come Again". The only thing that makes me somewhat of an authority on Dolly's music is that I grew up on this kind of old country... Dolly, Cash, Waylon and Willie, The Statlers, The Oak Ridge Boys, Billy Crash Craddock, T Graham Brown, Mel McDaniel... I remember when "Elvira", "Baby's Got Her Blue Jeans On" and some of this stuff was brand spankin' new.

Anyway, Irish Carly starts out really slow, just a single guitarist and herself. Carly sounds awesome... but I like the pace of the original song, so turning it into a complete ballad leaves a little to be desired for me. So, like, I like the voice, but not the arrangement.

Randy says it was one of the best of the night. Paula says glorious sunshine. She's pherklempt. Simon says it was good, not great. Then he tells her that her outfit isn't good... "At this stage, you have to start looking more like a star--and I'm not seeing that progression at the moment."

Maybe Carly should put a tattooed dress on that chick on her arm.

David Archuleta
His followers are called Arch Angels. Seriously.

He is singing "Smoky Mountain Memories", back to the ballads that got him this far. What's great about this show is that a month ago, Young David was the heir apparent for the next Idol crown, but after a stumble here, a forgotten lyric there, its not a race for second place for everyone else now. Not if David Rob Thomas Cook, Irish Carly, or My Next American Idol Brooke White have anything to say about it.

By the way, Carly Simon's new cd, her first cd of original music, is being released on April 29th, only at Starbucks. That's right... I'm all over it with my discount.

Oh, Young David sings great. Randy says, "Correction... THAT was the best performance of the night!" Paula blows sunshine. Simon says he was absolutely on the money.

The Arch Angels yell "We Love You!" from the front row.

Do you think Michael Jackson is at home, rooting for Young David?

Kristy Lee Cook
Awww... if you've never heard "Coat of Many Colors", you're missing it. It's a story about a girl who's family was so poor, that she didn't have a jacket to wear to school... so her mother gathered up scraps of fabric, and made her a "Coat of Many Colors", which the girl was so proud of. Problem is, when she got to school, everyone laughed at her, and her coat. "They didn't understand it, and I tried to make them see, one is only poor if they choose to be. I know we had no money, but I was rich as I could be, in my coat of many colors my mama made for me." Classic. One of the greatest country music songs, if not any genre, ever. Brilliant.

And its a true story--this happened to Dolly when she was a child. And who better to butcher this amazing song that good ol' KLC?

This is actually up KLC's alley, being a twangy country classic. Randy liked it, Paula blows sunshine, and Simon says "pleasant, but forgettable". She's barefoot too! Another Idol tried that a few years ago... it didn't work.

For all my kidding on KLC and Ramiele, I actually think I like Little Ramy's singing better... but I think I'd enjoy hanging out with KLC more. Ramiele looks much, much hotter though. Either way, they both have to go.


Here's the real song.

Syesha Mercado
And yes, here's the Idol career killer... "I Will Always Love You". Chances are, she's headed to the Whitney version. I like the Black Julia Stiles, but this is dangerous...

Like most of the Idols tonight, Syesha is accompanied with only one instrumentalist, this one being a piano.

The Black Julia Stiles starts out... not bad. I mean, anytime this song is sung by anyone, be it KT or Mikey or Sum42 (41? Who cares, they still suck), its going to be compared to Whitney, not Dolly.

And I'll be honest... The Black Julia Stiles did it right. And that last note was awesome...

Randy admits that was the biggest tiger of the night, and did aight with it. Paula blows sunshine. Simon says what everyone is thinking... the song paled in comparison to Whitney, which is what everyone will think of, so it may or may not help.

The newest Mac commercial has Mac and PC sitting, talking to a therapist. The therapist's name is Corinne Bohrer (her real name, I mean--her character here is not named). Corinne has been featured in several commercials in the last few years, including Tostitos and Walgreens, and that Kay Jewelers's Mother's Day commercial where she opens up the garage and the kids are singing to her.


This chick is going to be 50 this year. Fifty!!


I only mention this because I'm kinda sad she's relegated to tv spots. She's really a good actress... I remember being 12 or 14 and thinking she was totally hot in movies like "Dead Solid Perfect" (of course, anytime you play the love interest to Randy Quaid, it might not be the best thing for your career) and "Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol", and the Judge Reinhold magnum opus, "Vice Versa". I miss Corinne. She did get some airtime in Veronica Mars, but still, someone hire her!

How do I remember this crap?

Michael Johns
A pianist and guitarist behind him, Aussie Michael takes the stage for a bluesy, soulful Dolly cover of "It's All Wrong".

Ya know... aside from a little screeching here and there, this might be my favorite song of the night. I love the blues, R&B swing on it. Its great to hear him do something well, besides Queen.

Randy thought Aussie Michael brought it. Paula blows sunshine. And I'm not sure what Simon said, because the DVR just ended. The show ran late... I'm going to have to start recording Hell's Kitchen, I guess, to make sure I catch the end of Idol.

And you know, not a single mention of Idol Gives Back, for next week.

For tonight... I gotta give to Michael Johns as my favorite, followed closely by David Rob Thomas Cook, Irish Carly, My Next American Idol Brooke White, Young David, The Dreadlocked One, The Black Julia Stiles, and then together, Ramiele & KLC. Take either one of those two. Please, take them.

Freedom

"I've wined and dined with kings and queens, I've slept in alleys, eatin' pork and beans..." --WWE Hall of Famer "The American Dream" Dusty Rhodes

I have a tale to tell, a monetary tale of woe, sorrow, brokedness and redemption. I don’t mind sharing amounts, if only to stress where I was as compared to where I am. This... is my story.

I've been in debt since I was an 17 year old high school graduate. Right after I got my diploma, I signed up for some student loans. When I got to college, in Troy, I got a AT&T Universal Mastercard, with a big limit of $500.

Over the next year or two, I managed a Chase Visa, a Discover card and a Ft. Walton Beach 1st National Bank Visa. My rationale? "I'm a broadcast journalism major. And I'm good at newscasting. I'll get on with a news station in Nashville [where, in 1995, I planned on living after I graduated] or in Mobile [where, in 1996, I planned on living after I graduated, due in no small part to the fact I was dating Chrissy Bullock--Spain Park's Mrs. Roe--and she introduced me to the wonderful town] or in Atlanta [where, in 1998, I planned on living, since I had just graduated]"

Until that time, though, I would be able to pay the minimum payments. AT&T Universal, Chase and Discover was only $10 per month, while 1st National was only $15. Of course, this adds up to $45 in credit card payments... and who has that when you're a broke college student?

As the years went by, the student loan payments racked up, the minimum payments rose from $10 and $15 to $25, then $50, sometimes $75 or $100 per card, each, due to lack of payments, due to overlimit fees, or late fees. When a late fee of $35 took your balance over the $500 credit limit, suddenly you have a late fee AND a over-limit fee. Plus your already growning minimum balance. You read all about this in Rebecca Miller & the Divine Do-Over.

It was depressing. I moved to Birmingham, got into an apartment I couldn't afford, and then my car broke down, so I managed to somehow jig out a National Tire & Battery credit card, and put about $400 on it, and after that, I wrecked my car, so I got another one that I really couldn't afford.

My payments were late, my credit was shot, my stomach was empty, my account was constantly overdrawn, phone calls at work, phone calls at home, my Deucemates were getting calls from creditors, my paycheck got garnished once, when Dubya sent that $300 refund check to every American back in 2000 or 2001, I watched as Tom bought scuba gear, Shawn bought DJ equipment, Ty bought a new cell phone, Michael bought DVDs, and mine never came because I was defaulted on my student loan.

There is not a worse fear than waking up at 2am because you hear a rumble in the parking lot, and you look out the blinds, scared that you'll see a wrecker backing up to repo your car. Its a miserable feeling, one that no one should have to deal with.

To have one of your best friends, Mikey, agitated at you because your rent is late, is pretty crappy. Its also pretty crappy to watch all your friends go out to eat, have a good time together, see a movie together, and have to sit home, broke... or go out, use your debit card for such nights out, wincing because you know there's a good chance tomorrow, you'll see online that something just bounced.

Perhaps the worst was watching your friends head to Evanston, IL, to visit Tommy McLeod, see an incredible Northwestern game versus Michigan, and come home with lots and lots of pictures and memories... and you've got nothing.

I actually did a spreadsheet for the year 2002, looking through my SouthTrust Bank account online, figuring out where my money went. I don't remember what was #1, but I do remember #3 vividly... NSF. Insufficient Funds charges to the total of about $1100, money I had paid to the bank for not keeping my account above $0. I could have just as easily rolled my window down and thrown out $50 bills down Highway 31. This was ridiculous... I had to do something. God had to help me here...

And then two things happened. I discovered that I was going to marry Stephanie Campbell.
I was not desiring to bring all of this debt into my upcoming marriage... so I decided to do something about it... and that's when I met Starbucks. These two things couldn't be seperated, it was God's choosing to put both together to craft my life, even all these years later.


Suddenly, in addition to my day job of 40 hours a week at the radio station, I had a four nights, 25 hours per week job, pulling in an extra $400 or $500 per month... which goes a long, long way.

Working Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday nights (not Thursday... Thursday was Survivor!), every week, suddenly I had money in bank. My rent check was going up on the board 2 weeks early, my cable bill check was up 2 or 3 weeks early, and suddenly, conversations with credit card companies weren't so hard... because I could pay them, at least something.

Through God's guidance, and Stephanie's encouragement, first as my girlfriend, then my fiance, then my wife, little by little, some of the small debt went away. I managed to pay off the AT&T Universal Mastercard (in 2003... remember I opened it in 1993, but hadn't used it since about 1998).

We started working the Dave Ramsey plan, with the debt snowball. With bonuses here, extra money there, we paid close to $3K for my Chase Visa... the same Chase Visa that had a credit limit of $500, and had ballooned about 500% due to over limit, late fees, and anything else they decide to tack on.

Chase Visa... gone. Discover card, suddenly paid off. We started working on paying 50% more on my car payment, then two payments at a time. Lo and behold... the car gets paid off.

The Lovely Steph Leann and I have languished in The Casa de Pesos, watching our friends get houses, and we almost bit at one point... but the student loan was still looming. Like a three headed monster, it was still 5 digits large, and we knew we just had to wait.

All this time, we have been tithing. That's not a bragging statement, not a "look at us!", and I only mention it because I'm totally aware of God's blessing through obedience. Things just... well, they just started working out. We had our small emergency fund saved up, and when my engine blew, the bill was $7 more than our emergency fund. Writing the check didn't hurt because we didn't have it, it hurt because... well, anytime a bill that large is paid, it hurts, but the bottom line is, we had the money.

Sometime last year, The Lovely Steph Leann and I pulled our credit reports, and I noticed something odd... the Ft. Walton Beach 1st National Bank and Trust never got paid. So, I called them, and asked about it.

The guy was pretty surprised when he heard me say, "Okay, what do I owe, so I can pay this off?" The guy told me the bill was about 8 years old, and it was pretty much written off, and the $300 bill had ballooned to over $600 or $700 from... you guessed it, late fees and over limit fees. And interest. Lots and lots of interest. The guy knocked off several hundred dollars of the interest and fees, and after I paid it, he had it completely removed from my credit report.

I owed a friend of mine, from Troy State, some money too... I think it actually ruined the friendship... I told The Lovely Steph Leann about this, and I told her I wanted to pay it back. I owed it. Got in touch with the guy, via Facebook, and offered to pay... and he relieved me of the debt. Said it had been so long, he didn't miss it. Thanks man.

So, finally, the year comes to a close, we go to Disney World with money we'd been saving up, nary a credit card to be used. When we get home, we don't have hundreds of dollars following us back in bills--those Disney pins are mine!!

The student loan is all that is left, and though it seems large, it suddenly doesn't seem insurmountable anymore. Not since we're tossing everything extra we have at it every month. Truth be told, we probably could have paid it off a little faster, but hey, we want to have a little fun before we get married, right?

For me, the hardest part was when our friends flew to Los Angeles for Star Wars Celebration, the convention that happens every four or five years... we could have paid for it, but we just couldn't justify it, not when there were bills to pay off. So we stayed home... and it hurt me, but it was necessary.

When we saw our mortgage guy, it was assured to us that now that our debt was so minimal, we could afford the house we wanted, in the area we wanted... and so we got it!

What's funny is that I've been talking about doing a "Debt Free Party" for a few months now, one big blowout celebration to declare "We're Debt Free!"... but a week or two ago, in the middle of the night, I logged on to Direct Loans website, and made a payment. And after I hit "Make Payment", the orange button at the bottom, I closed the tab. The next day, I checked the website, and saw a beautiful thing...

Balance Owed: $0.00
Payment Due: $0.00

And as I sit here and type this, we are now debt free. Okay, okay, we just bought a house, but beyond the house payment, that's it. We've worked on it for four years, and paid just over $44,000.

For the first time in 14 years, I don't owe a credit card, a student loan company, a car company, a friend, a neighbor or anyone else.

And in the immortal words of William Wallace, in Braveheart:

"FRRRRRREEEEEDDDDDOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I Am Debt Free.

What I Believe, starring Barack, Hillary, McCain and featuring Tammy McLeod

This is a political ramble, that goes nowhere and everywhere all at the same time. Just warning you.

I always get a little nervous when I post something political. I always have this fear that Brad Latta, in his lawyer mentality, is going to throw down on me something either I can't defend, or that it would sound stupid to refute. But, you know, I believe what I believe. And that makes me who I am.

Sometimes its just easier not to pay attention. Seriously, I envy some people who don't pay that much attention, sometimes. Of course, its in my system to try to stay as informed as I can, if not just for me, but also for other people who ask me pointed questions about Barack Obama, or Hillary, or McCain or whatever.

All I know is, as a conservative, these are dark times. Senator John McCain, the presumptive Republican nominee, is not a conservative. He's at best a moderate, at worst a liberal Republican who caters and compromises all too easy "across the aisle" with a party that doesn't return the favor, that being the Democratic side.

I'm a Republican for one simple reason--its the party that most closely represents who I am and what I believe. Well, its supposed to be close to that, though with McCain our possible next president, I dunno.

There's no way I can get behind Hillary Clinton. Absolutely not. Now, am I rooting for her to win the nomination? Definately. Only because she is the one that I think McCain can beat--though I will sadly join the millions who are voting not for someone (McCain) but against someone (Clinton).

Obama is another story. He is so charismatic when he talks, he's so charming and graceful and without much scandal and with his deep, manly voice and good looks, he's got America swooning. But I don't like him. Now, as far as Hillary Clinton goes, I think she's a terrible person. I actually think Barack Obama is a nice guy, and would love to sit down and have a conversation with him. I think he's less prone to blow sunshine in my face, and say stupid things like Hillary probably would.

However, I cannot support him as my President. He is a liberal. And the methods and programs that are being pushed by the Democratic party border on socialism. And I cannot support that. Socialism is an idea that states that everyone has the same amount of everything, no matter how hard you've worked for it. You've got too much, so take some of what you earned and give it to those who didn't earn it.

Healthcare is one of the big deals... what makes you think that this government (I didn't say "administration" because this includes our current president, whom I'll get to in a minute, but goes beyond him, and previous administrations) will do a good job with the health care system in America? The same government that refuses to do anything about the social security mess, the same government that is cramming mercury filled lightbulbs down our throat based on the threat of a science that is neither proven nor accurate (that being global warming), the same government that can't balance their own budget and owes trillions to the world... you want them in charge of your healthcare?

And who's going to pay for it? The rich, yes, yes, I know. Raise taxes, make the rich pay for it, because they have too much money, yes, big corporations that gouge the poor and smoke cigars on their 90 foot yachts and throw $100 dollar bills in the fireplace, because that costs them less than getting up to put a log in, right, right. Just don't give me that bit about Barack and John Kerry, who served in Vietnam, and the Clintons happy to pay their share--realize that most of their earnings are not from a paycheck, which is what would be taxes--its from investment earnings, mutual funds and the like.

Why are big corporations the enemy? Why is the rich the enemy? I mean, we all aspire to do well. I just became the manager at Starbucks, and while far from being rich, my salary did in fact, go up. Suppose I keep climbing in the company, and end up making six figures. At what point do I cross that salary line and become "rich" and "the enemy"? I mean, the top 25% of income earners in this country pay 86%, and the top 50% of income earners pay 97% of all taxes in this country.

See, I feel like there are alot of people in this country that need help. They need someone to reach their hand out and say, "Hey, I know this sucks for you, but let me help you". For those people, I have no problem with my tax dollars funding programs to help such people. But I do have an issue with increasing taxes just to fund programs that keep people in the "you owe me" victim mentality.

There are too many people in this country that believe that not only the government owes them something, but that the government is there to give them stuff. Lots of free stuff, be it welfare checks or TV analog boxes or a rebate check.

This is why I'm a Conservative. Conservatism isn't a "political party", its a way of life. Its believing that everyone is worth something, that you don't need a hand out, you need a hand up. Its telling you that you are not a victim, its telling you that your circumstances are hard right now, but I'm going to help you get out of them, being it through education or whatever, be it through getting a job. And you will do better, to the point where you'll be able to help someone else out.

I've made as little as $4.25 per hour working all nights a radio station. At one point in college, I worked 5 jobs--thats 'five'--and went to school. Two different radio stations at the same time, I catered Marriott, I did children's theater and I worked at Dairy Queen. I went probably 15 years with no Healthcare. I couldn't afford it for a while, but after I graduated and moved to Birmingham, I just chose not to get it. I probably could have, at that time, but I chose to use that money to go to the movies with the group, or take whoever I was dating out to eat or whatever. Bottom line is, I bore the responsibility if something happened, because I chose to live without healthcare. And at no time did I think "If I do break my arm, I'll just call on the government to pay me some money."

I'm pro-life. I think abortion is terrible, and I think any politician on either side of the aisle that actually voted against a ban on partial birth abortions should be roundhouse kicked in the face. Its a terrible thing. That being said, I don't think its possible to put a sweeping, anti-abortion law in place. Personally, I think that should be a state issue. Let the states decide. Let the peopel decide. If 48 out of 50 states vote to ban abortions, then those 2 states will have to deal with abortion laws and regulations, as well as any blowbacks.

I think gay marriage is wrong. See, I think you gay people really should have fought your battles over "civil unions", not "marriage". To you, its a word meaning 'legally together', for Christ Followers, its a sacred concept. However comma I think that a constitutional amendment sanctifying marriage is the wrong answer, and a polorizing concept. Once again, I say give it back to states. Let the people decide. If Vermont and Massachusetts are the only places that recognize gay marriage, then its up to the gay community to change our minds in other states. I would love to have the power to vote against gay marriage and abortion in Alabama, just as I know that woman who wore a "Roe vs Wade 25th Anniversary--Women's Choice" button at Starbucks would probably love to vote for those things. Democracy. Its a cool thing.

The war? Sheesh. I mean, its a cop out to say "doesn't matter how we got there, the fact is we are there now", but its kinda true. Do I agree on the reasons we went in? Yes, I do. Do I think Bush has made some mistakes? Many. Do I think soldiers have died in vain? Some, perhaps. Do I believe in the mission now? Yes, if only because the war was never a "war on Iraq", it was a "war on terror", a phrase that has been used and misused so many times, its a punchline. But Iraq is just a start.

If a democracy can be set up in Iraq, successfully, and can continue, it will change the entire Middle East. "Who are we to impose Democracy on other countries?" is what I hear, but my response now is simply, "Why wouldn't you?" Its freedom. Its liberty. It's every race, every color, every gender, every orientation having a say in the way your country is run. Democracy is a beautiful, wonderful thing, and should be adopted by every country.

I know, I know, there are lots of reports that tell you we are failing in Iraq, and the government there is incompetant and collapsing and so on and so forth and so on... and there are lots of reports that say the exact opposite. It just depends on if you are listening watching CNN or MSNBC, aka DNC-TV, or Fox News. I say that Fox News is actually unbiased, and someone else will tell me the others are unbiased. I think Keith Olbermann is a moron. How about that?

You know what else I believe, because I am a Conservative? I think government should collect taxes, fix roads, build bridges, give me my driver's license, protect this country from enemies, both foreign and domestic via the military, and get the $&#^ out of the $*%&ing way. Pardon my &*$^@#.

Seriously. Don't cram global warming down my throat when you can't prove it. Don't force me to buy a lightbulb that contains mercury that makes me call the EPA when I break it, when Sam's Choice 60 watt bulbs are $1.45 for four. Don't try to control my thermostat if we decide to move to California. Don't raise my taxes to fund your programs that do not work. The war on poverty? Has this really helped?

And you know what else? Don't force mortgage companies to give loans to people who clearly cannot afford a house because (mocking baby voice) "everyone should get a house!" then deride those same mortgage companies when those people who clearly cannot afford a house end up not being able to afford a house. Government, don't step in! Let the market work itself out. This is capitalism. It sucks for those people, it sucks for those companies, but the free market always evens out.

I sit here in my house, on my laptop, listening to my iPod. I look up and I see a bookcase full of books, and there is stuff everywhere. I had a conversation earlier with Nikki Brown and it just reminded me how much I love my friends. The Lovely Steph Leann and I just paid off my student loan, which means that aside from The Cabana, we are debt free completely. Free to save and invest for our future, instead of relying on Social Insecurity.

We're also preparing for a future that might be under Barack Obama. Because he's going to try to put in healthcare for the country. Mandatory healthcare. Which means whether you want it or not, you'll have to pay for it. Which means that if you don't have a job, or don't want a job, I'll have to pay for it. It also means that I better not get wealthy for any reason, because Barry wants to double the capital gains taxes. Has he ever even read an economic book?

As far as his speech the other day goes, I have come to believe one thing about Barack Obama. He's no different from Hillary Clinton, in saying exactly what the room wants to hear, only he says it better and it doesnt sound foolish, like when she says it.

The Reverend Jeremiah Wright thing is haunting him now. Have you heard this guy? He's pretty out there, I'll be honest. He's very anti-government, he hates Dubya (an election stealer and a dumb dixiecrat? any of you liberals answer me this--when are we going to get past the 'stole the election' rhetoric? its on par with global warming as still-not-proven nor even logical--I mean, for pete's sake, Democrats were running the voting centers in the Florida counties in question... its your own fault!!), and, from what I can tell is pretty doggone racist. The white man is the reason the black man is held down.

I've been going to Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship) for almost ten years. Pastor Calvin his sermons have had a profound impact on my life, and if I didn't believe the doctrine that was being taught, I would leave and go elsewhere. I can't say that I've strongly disagreed with much the Pastor has said over the years... and why? I go to that church because he believes what I believe.

Can you tell me how Obama can stand up and say that, while he attended the United Trinity Church of Christ, pastored by Wright, for 20 years, he hasn't been really affected by what Wright says? And why stay at a church where you "strongly disagree with many of his political views" (his words, not mine). Or that after hearing the Reverend Wright blame the US for 9/11, hearing the word "nigger" being used over and over, hearing "God damn America!" several times, he wouldn't have an issue with this? No, actually Obama had Wright on his own staff, until recently.

Yes, yes, I didn't give the proper context, right right. Here's a great article from The Dallas News on Rev. Jeremiah Wright. I know much of the stuff you hear in the news is just snippets, the worst parts, but the double standard is what kills me... if a Republican had said ANY of this, it would be the end of his political career. No questions asked. Done. If a Republican had a pastor who said such things, likewise. Over.

Plus, how can I pull for a guy who throws his own mawmaw under the bus, by calling her a typical white woman who is scared of black people? You can read the reaction here, which, by the way, is the most I've ever linked to the Huffington Post in my life. I think Ariana Huffington is a dork, but sometimes, they get it right.

We're also preparing for a future that might be under John McCain, who loves amnesty ideas for immigration. Which means that millions of illegal aliens in this country will get that healthcare that he might just put in place as well, paid for by you and me. It really ticks me off to hear that illegal aliens get instate tuition, when I know people, citizens of this country, who go to school and pay the astronomical out-of-state tuition.

We're also preparing for a future that might be under Hillary Clinton. In case you thought it was all anti-Obama, there's always Hillary. I don't even have to talk anti-Hillary... if she gets elected, we might just commit a murder suicide, go home to Jesus and be done with it all.

So why conservatism?

Well, because I believe in people. I believe that people can be anything they want to be, some have to work harder than others to get it. It may not be fair, but thats how it rolls. I believe that the United States of America is the greatest, most free country in the history of the world, and we are the last great hope for this world. If America falls, so do the rest. I believe that Brad Latta is a great guitarist and I enjoy reading his political views. I believe that Rush Limbaugh is a great American, and I enjoy his show because he not only talks, he lets me hear Hillary and Obama for myself, and gives me the tools to research on my own, rather than Air America who just tells me to hate Bush and bring the soldiers home now (I believe that someone who sees the name Rush Limbaugh will automatically assume I have no credibility, much like I have trouble giving cred to someone who follows Algore) I believe we should drop this notion of bio-fuels and ethenol--if it doesnt work in the free market, then it shouldn't exist, and the government shouldn't subsidize it. I believe we should drill in ANWR, and in the Gulf of Mexico. What, some 20 million acres in ANWR and our global footprint there would be less than 2,000 square acres if we drilled? Wonderful.

I believe there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, I believe the UN is corrupt and a joke, I believe that tax cuts work, I believe the economy is not as bad as people are making it out to be, I believe that 95% of people who are out of work can find a job somewhere (McDonald's may not be pretty, but its money, and its not forever) freeing up funding for those 5% who really need help, I believe that there's something wrong with forcing English students to learn Spanish but not forcing Spanish students to learn English, I believe that political correctness is a scourge on this society, I believe the government owes me nothing, I believe other people owes me nothing, I believe that just because I'm who I am that doesn't make me entitled to anything, I believe that I should keep what I earn be it money or whatever, I believe that when a Republican screws up its all over the news as to who they are, but if a Democrat screws up, you have to search like crazy to figure out what party they belong to, I believe that if we pulled out of Iraq now, no matter how we got in there, it would be a catastrophic mistake that our country would deal with for decades to come, I believe that Iran has nuclear ambitions and that we'll end up having to take military action eventually, I believe that the feminist movement in America should speak out against Islam for the mere fact that when a Islam man dies, he gets 75 virgins, but when a woman dies, she has to be a servant, I believe that history will prove Bill Clinton to be one of the worst presidents ever, I believe that George W. Bush was a great president in his first term, but only a mediocre one in his second, I believe that the Seattle Supersonics should not move to Oklahoma City, I believe that while this administration should take some blame for the aftermath of Katrina, I believe there are about a dozen people who should be held accountable before Bush, including Ray Nagin (whom they re-elected in New Orleans, God love 'em), I believe that the rebate check program is a terrible idea (but I'll take it), I believe that no matter who takes office in November, they are going to blame only Bush for anything and everything wrong, I believe that no matter who takes office in November, we're going to be in trouble for four years, but the light at the end of the tunnel is that it opens the door for a landslide conservative win in 2012, a la Jimmy Carter losing to Reagan, because I believe that Conservatism Works Everytime Its Tried.

Now. I'm going to Wal-Mart to buy a Wii. If I can find one.

I was actually going to blog on something completely different, but I was at work tonight, and Tammy McLeod came in, just for a minute. We hadn't talked in a while, because she said something politically, and I responded and she responded and a hundred other people responded and so on, and... well, we differ in ideas. We differ in the direction this country should go in, and who should lead it. And you know what? That's okay. I love Tammy McLeod. She sang at our wedding, a great version of "At Last", to which the Lovely Steph Leann and I had our first dance, and for that alone, Tammy will be in heart. So I decided to write about it.

I just ask, Tammy, that when you do put out an album, let the first few be just good, non-partisan, non-political music that I can enjoy. If you feel the need, you can go all Dixie Chicks, and not be ready to make nice later, but I'd love a few "Fly" and "Home" and "Wide Open Spaces" first. Thanks.

Idol: The Year of the Cook

It's another week of Idol, after missing last week (you can figure out where we were instead by clicking here). Even though I didn't blog about it, I did get to see last week's horrendous Beatles butcherings (after the first week of magic), and I was fortunate enough to see Simba get the boot.

As for now...

They made their way into the Top 10, and into the tour. Now, can they make their way to the top of American Idol?

This.

Is American Idol.

Tonight's theme is "Songs from the Year You Were Born", which means Young David Archuleta is picking from... 1990. Like, 17 years ago. Like, when I was a sophomore in high school.

Ramiele Malubay
Singing from 1987, the video shows her parents, who might be from Al-Queda.

Oh no. She's singing Heart's "Alone". Oh no. This will be compared to Carrie Underwood's masterpiece of this song a few years ago. The Lovely Steph Leann, who loves her some Heart, says, "This might not be as bad as I thought she wou... wait, yeah, she's really bad."

This is terrible. J Rob looks at me. "I'm not feeling this at all."

The Lovely Steph Leann adds, "She's wearing off the shoulder, with a strap. And that's not what was popular in the 80s.

I was going to post a video of Heart singing "Alone", for the benefit of people like KT or Scotty Latta to see the brilliance that is under that big hair, but I still can't figure out how to embed videos from YouTube. Anyone?

Randy says it wasn't the right song. Carly did this earlier in the season, much, much better. Paula tries to find something positive to say, and finds some sunshine buried down deep. Simon says he didn't think it was as bad as Randy says, but it was shrieky.

Jason interprets what Simon says, "You suck, but people like you enough that you'll fly under the radar."

The Lovely Steph Leann declares Lil' Ramy this year's Jasmine Trias, who was a Top 3'er that deserved only to be a Top 15'er in Season Three. Latoya London and Jennifer Hudson went hom before Jasmine.

On a sidenote, surprisingly, they are doing the songwriting contest again. This is the same contest that gets us "This is My Now". I'm just sayin'.

Jason Castro
He's singing from 1987 as well. The Lovely Steph Leann says he's kinda hot, but not in a Colin Firth Club kind of way. KT still thinks he looks retarded.

His take is Sting's "Fragile", a song I'm not familiar with. The Dreadlocked One is with guitar, and both KT and J Rob says he looks Princess Leia-ish with his hair done like its done.

By the way, The Lovely Steph Leann gots her hair did tonight, and it looks great. Just so you know.

And even after last week's French disaster, he's singing foreign language again, this time Spanish.

Randy declares this song one of his favorites, which I'm beginning to understand Randy has about 12,833,499,228 favorite songs. Every song is one of his favorite songs. Paula blows sunshine, but still kinda disses him on the "wow" factor. Simon says this is the second bad week in a row, and that its time for The Dreadlocked One to take it more serious.

He says, "I guess I could spend a little more time practicing if I'm going to do this..." He looks like he played outside the subway last week in New York.

Syesha Mercado
The Black Julia Stiles was born in 1987 as well... is this '87 Idol?

Tonight, she's singing "If I Were Your Woman", another song I'm not sure I know much about. The good thing is, she's back to the 'fro, and that means she has a real shot at killin' it tonight.

The Lovely Steph Leann points out that with Syesha's 'fro, its almost a Hidden Mickey. The Black Julia Styles is belting it out, sounding great. My favorite of the three thusfar.

Even Jason thought it was good.

Randy says it was her best performance to date, and it was stellar. Paula is backing up a dumptruck of sunshine, ready to dump on Syesha, somehow calling her "dark" and a "horse." And Simon didnt think it was as good as Randy says. I thought it was great.

CheezyDeezy
The other black person in the show, born in 1985. I was ten. His mom's name is Chika. I don't even have a joke here... yes I do, I just can't decide which one of the dozens in my head.

"Its Only For One Night" is the song of choice, yet ANOTHER song I don't know. What the heck? Am I that igernent on music of the 80s?

I do like CheezyDeezy, cause he sounds like Luther Vandross, and he's singing to the chicks in the audience. I think there has been two or three kids concieved in this last few minutes, due to CheezyDeezy.

Randy says that CheezyDeezy sounds like of old fashioned, and not "hip and cool" like Syesha made hers. Paula disagrees, of course. She says CheezyDeezy is a good throwback, which is funny, because Paula talking is like a good throwup. Simon said it was sung well, but the performance was very cheesy (deezy).

By the way, its a Brenda Russell, who sings my #3 song of all time, "Piano in the Dark", featuring Joe Esposito on piano, from 1988.

Brooke White
My Next American Idol was born in 1983, and she's taking on "Every Breath You Take". For once, her hair is gorgeous, according to KT (which, she's right). On piano, My Next American Idol Brooke White starts out... poorly.

Actually, she just had a little blurp at the beginning, but immediately picked up right after. And she sounds awesome... truly awesome. KT and J Rob both aren't fans. They don't know talent.

Randy liked it just okay, not a fan of the arrangement towards the end. Paula liked it much better. Sunshine. Its blown. Simon agrees with Randy, saying that My Next American Idol Brooke White should've stayed on piano only, with the band not coming in.

They actually liked the fact she messed up and corrected herself professionally at the beginning.

Michael Johns
Born 1978, down in Australia, perhaps we'll hear some 70s rock. Or maybe disco. That would be funny.

Crocomichael Johndee is taking on "We Will Rock You" and since Ryan said "two for the price of one", I'm wondering if he'll transition into "We Are the Champions"... which he does.

For the record, you should never, ever hear "We Will Rock You" unless its followed by "We Are the Champions" immediately. It's like playing the radio-friendly, three verse version of "Lyin Eyes" or the four verse version of "American Pie". Its unacceptable. All or nothing, take it or leave it. This goes for you, Magic 96.5 and Hits 101.1.

Randy says "Finally! You use that big voice!" He declares it the best for Aussie Michael this season. Paula declares it "your shining moment". Simon says he finally saw star-potential, and that he just got it right.

Aussie Michael has been trying to recover his magic since Hollywood Week's "Bohemian Rhapsody", and finally, he did it.

Carly Smithson
Born in Dublin, she came into the world in 1983. Here mom's name is Mary Murray, and Carly's name comes from Carly Simon, who was playing on the radio when they were headed to the hospital during labor.

Carly has a big voice. J Rob says she should sing with The Cranberries.

"Total Eclipse of the Heart" is the song tonight. Can Carly take on The Immortal Bonnie Tyler? By the way, this is one of my 100 favorite songs. Ever.

She looks great on stage, though she looks like she's grinding with no one behind her. But she sounds just awesome. Could be one of my favorites of the night... until that last note. Ow. The Lovely Steph Leann is covering her eyes, KT her ears and Jason his mouth.

Randy didn't like the song choice, though I totally disagree... that's the perfect song for Carly. Paula blabbers for two minutes. And she says absolutely, postively nothing. Simon says it was decent, but that she seemed too intense and wound up... it might be the dress.

David Archuleta
Young David was born in 1990. We've been over this already. I was 15, in 10th grade, in like with Stephanie Phillips, and living the high life in Samson. They are showing some video of Younger David dancing as a kid, which means I was graduating high school at the time.

With "You're the Voice", another seemingly inspirational song. First, "Imagine", the "Another Day in Paradise", now this... is he going to do an entire album of "Songs To Make You Feel Good About Yourself"?

Rebecca St. James did a Christian spin on this song on her incredible album "God", her best ever. One of my favorite 10 Christian albums ever.

Randy says that it was a strange song choice, but he worked it out. Paula blows sunshine. Simon didn't like the performance at all, sounding very theme parky. He actually uses the word "ghastly" in his description.

J Rob says Young David looks like he stepped out of a Toon Disney show.

Kristy Lee Cook
Born in Seattle, Washington, KLC was born in 1984. Pictures of her as a teenager makes her look like she had hot potential, though I don't know what happened exactly. Excuse me, Chris Hanson is at the door.

She's singing "God Bless the USA", a take on Lee Greenwood's megahit. J Rob starts laughing. KT says this is a fireworks song. The Lovely Steph Leann laments that the stupid "mosh pit", the giggly teenagers in the very front, can't even wave their arms the same way.

They do this song in the "frickin' laser" show. And through all this, KLC is taking a big crap on this song. Lee Greenwood is beating his wife because of this performance, and the people at Stone Mountain are angered that this song has disgraced their laser performance.

Randy liked it. Paula says, "Its okay, but I've seen better from you." When? She sucks! Simon says it was her best performance by a mile. And he actually says, "It was the most clever song I've seen performed on this show in years..." and he even name drops Lee Greenwood.

Perhaps I am just completely tone deaf, because that was really crappy.

David Cook
In 1982, David Rob Thomas Cook popped out with a massive head--we just saw pictures. And he's taking on Michael Jackson...

"Billie Jean" is the song of choice... you know, he's right up there with My Next American Idol Brooke White as my favorite. He turned it into just a ballad, with a slow guitar behind it. This is just awesome. Seriously.

This is his Blake Lewis "You Give Love a Bad Name" performance... add it to "Hello" and "Daytrippers" and he's working on an entire album of American Idol performances... and I would buy it.

Randy says David Rob Thomas Cook is the one to win the whole lot, on "that joint right there". Paula is standing up for her sunshine. She offers him her official hotel key. Simon says that was "truly brave. It could have been insane or amazing... and it was amazing."

Jason declares David Rob Thomas Cook his next American Idol.

So running down the night... David Rob Thomas Cook takes the cake, followed closely by Aussie Michael, My Next American Idol Brooke White, Irish Carly, CheezyDeezy, Syesha Mercado, Young David, then KLC, and finally Lil' Ramy.