(Authors note... while this post was written in 2009, this particular paragraph is written on 10/3/14... I'm working on the blog itself, weeding through posts, deleting some things that don't make any sense, and so on. At this point, I've gotten rid of about 35 posts--I was at 996 before today. That means that even though this is declared at Post 500... if you do the math, it's actually somewhere around 460 or so. But at the time, it was 500... so just go along with it =)
Not too long ago, I found a website that would print your blog. You can upload it, and within a few seconds, you'd get your blog in a book form that you can print! For a small fee, of course.
Anyway, I did the necessary steps to see what it would look like. And I waited. And I waited. And I waited. And I waited some more. I flew to NYC, saw a Broadway play, flew back, drove to Gadsden, had a nice Waffle House breakfast with NYCJenni, on the way back, stopped and played some gin rummy with KT, found Hurricane Rhett broken down on the side of the road, so I gave him a lift to Tupelo, Mississippi, came back, had dinner with The Lovely Steph Leann while conferencing Erin the Marine Wife on her new book, "Semper Wife", played tennis with Mikey and Jim Courier, then had a six movie marathon starring Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with. And I waited some more.
FINALLY, it came up. And for the low, low price of only $606.45, YOU can order your own copy of Clouds in My Coffee's Blog Book, and enjoy all 1709 pages of it. None of that was a typo.
Whether I'm any good or not is subjective--I'm sure there are some that would never visit this page other than to mock me, and there are others that visit every day... I know that at least 130 people have this page bookmarked in their browser, and many of you have this site linked on your own webpage (though Amy Mc, you don't. And we're going to have to change that somehow). None of that is trying to be all braggadocious, its just a pride of after four years of work, this page has some legs, and keeps growing.
I thought long and hard about what to do for this particular posting... I mean, you don't do your 500th blog every day, and it will be another 3 to 4 years before I get to 1,000, so I wanted to mark the occasion with something a little extra special. I went back and forth on ideas, thinking about actually introducting a website, then thinking I'd do a page of my favorite columns or maybe your favorite columns and then I thought of doing pictures, or music or something... but a few days ago, when The Lovely Steph Leann and I were driving through Vestavia Hills, it hit me. I'd tell a story.
I'd tell a story that hasn't been told online. I'd tell a story that several people know, but perhaps had forgotten... or had heard in second or third hand. I'd tell a story that The Lovely Steph Leann has told me her parents don't even know. Yet, anyway.
Its April 2003. I started at Starbucks on February 1 of that same year, and had been at the brand new Vestavia store for two months. The reasons for working at Starbucks were two fold... first, I had a girlfriend that I really liked a whole heckuva lot. So much so that I wanted to buy this chick a ring. Second, I had debt. I mean, we've covered this in previous blogs here and here, but anyone who knows me knows that in my younger day, I didn't do so very good with money.
Starbucks, at the time, was paying me a nice $6.55 per hour to hustle lattes, sling coffee, grind some beans and truly have a good time. And Starbucks is a good time, don't let anyone ever tell you differently.
Part of my debt was credit cards, part of my debt was personal loans, the majority was student loans, another big chunk was the car payment, and another chunk was the car insurance that I had gotten, finally. (June 2000 was when they mandated that all Alabama drivers have car insurance... guess who just got some?). But, at Starbucks, I was starting to make some headway. I was close to having my first card paid off, my AT&T Universal, and was saving some money up for this ring idea that I had.
The Deuce Guys were happier, especially Mikey, cause suddenly, instead of getting my rent and utility checks up last, or a few days late, I was plopping my power bill check on the bulletin board a good ten days before it was due. I mean, I was pulling at least $300 extra per month, after taxes and it was glorious.
So, its a Friday night. I pull out of The Deuce Parking Lot and onto Southland Drive. Its probably around 515ish or so, I have to be at work at 530ish, and I'm wearing my red Starbucks shirt, apron in my front seat. I leave behind Wookiee on the couch, Mikey on the other couch, Tom in his room and Shawn-Fu on the computer.
Being a Friday, traffic seems a little heavier that normal, and I pull to a stop behind another car at a red light. For those of you unfamiliar with the area, or have been gone so long from it that you barely remember this, Southland Drive is a little road that spills into Highway 31.
Highway 31 is one of the major highways in Birmingham, and if you turn right onto 31, you'll head towards the main Hoover area of the Galleria Mall and towards the towns of Pelham and Alabaster. If you turn left, which I was going to do, you'll pass turn lanes to Interstate 65, you'll go under the 65 overpass, and head into Vestavia Hills.
As I sit on Southland Drive, to my right is a small shopping center that contains Ellis Piano, the Purple Onion (to this day still a fave eatery of myself and The Lovely Steph Leann), David's Bridal (which in the years has since moved down 31) and a few other shops. To my left is a hotel that has gone through several name changes, only being a "brand name" you'd recognize just once, a long time ago. There's a restaurant there called... something or other, but Mikey and I went there once and I remembered it being terrible. The Where We Eatin' Blog would take it down, I'm sure. In the years since, the hotel has been torn down and... well, I'm trying to remember what is even there now.
So, to my right is the shopping center, to my left is the motel... and behind me at this very moment? A police officer. In a police car. And it is at this very moment that I remember... my tag is expired. Its April. I'm a "D", so that means I renew in January. Do the math.
The officer did the math, and before I could utter any sort of profanity that only I and God would hear that I might feel bad about later, the lights came on. The red light changed to green, and I wheeled over into the parking lot of the motel and turned the car off. Another ticket. This will suck. And my girlfriend, the Dating Steph Leann, who has been reminding me of getting this taken care of, will not be happy. However, my thought is to pay it off quickly, and just not mention it. That would be easier, right? Right.
Sighing, I pull my wallet out, or my dayplanner, or whatever it was that I was carrying at the time and set it on the passenger seat, and put both hands on the steering wheel. The big, black, behemoth of an officer came to my window and smiled. He looked like Eddie George, the then-Tennessee Titan running back.
"License and registration, please," he said. Then added, "Proof of insurance."
"Yes sir," I replied, friendly enough. I pulled out my license and my Geico insurance information.
"Do you know why I pulled you over, d$?"
"I am guessing it has something to do with my tag being a couple of months overdue, right?"
"Yep," he nodded, writing on his little tablet. Not looking up, he said, "Normally, if its a month late, I don't worry about it, but yours is three months past. I just couldn't let it slip." He looked up, nodded again and turned to his car. "Just sit right there for me, I'll be right back."
Eddie George got back in his police car, and I looked down at the clock. It was 5:42. I was going to be late, and I hated being late. And even worse, Eddie George was taking forever... finally, he got out of his vehicle, and walked back to the car.
"I'm going to ask you to step out of the car, d$," Eddie George said, suddenly sounding very official. Uh... okay...
I unbuckled my seatbelt, opened the door and stepped out. "Can I ask what the problem is, officer?" That is always such a cheesy movie line, until you are forced to ask it for real.
"Are you aware that you have a speeding ticket that is outstanding from 2000?"
"Uh... no. But I have a feeling I'm aware of it now."
"Please turn around, sir. I'm going to have to take you into custody."
"Seriously? Like, you are seriously going to arrest me?"
"I'm afraid so."
I turned around, and like something out a comedy, Eddie George grabbed my wrists and I felt the metal around my arms snap into place and the handcuffs were squeezed tightly. Eddie George led me to his car and opened the backseat. He nodded toward the backseat, and I climbed in.
"Well," I asked, looking up at Eddie George. "Now what happens?"
"I am a Hoover Police Officer. I've called Vestavia, someone's going to come and take you to their police station."
"Okay, officer, seriously... are these handcuffs necessary? I mean, I'm in a Starbucks shirt. You have my keys. Where am I going to go?"
"Sorry, man. Its policy. I gotta keep you there."
I then glanced over and looked at my car. Where would it go?
"Can I ask what will happen to my vehicle?"
"It's going to be impounded."
"Impounded? Like, I live right there," I nodded my head toward a clump of trees. "See those trees? I live on the other side of them. We could walk there in six minutes. Can I not leave the car here?"
"Sorry about that... its the rules. This is a private business, so it can't stay here."
"What about if... I dunno... you let me drive it, and you follow me back to my apartment. Take me in there. If I try to drive away, you know where I live, or you can just shoot my tires or something."
This got a chuckle out of Eddie George, who had had a half-smile on his face already. He seemed as if he knew I was just a guy who made a mistake, was no real harm, but he was just following the rules he had to follow. Didn't fault him for that.
"Man, if you did that and something happened, do you know how much trouble I'd be in? Gotta leave it here."
"Oh, I got it... my roommate Tom can just get the keys. I can leave them in the floorboard, he will just drive it back. Seriously, man, if you impound the car, its going to cost me like, a hundred bucks when I could stand on my hood of where my car is right now and throw a baseball through my bedroom window." Now this was a lie, because my arm strength has never been very good, but you get the point.
Again, he chuckled, but shook his head. "No can do, my man. No can do."
Finally, it was time to bring up the elephant in the room, so to speak. Say the awkward thing that was there... let's just say it.... "Did you know you look like Eddie George?"
Eddie George smiled again, "Yeah, I've been told that a few times."
"They won 11 last year. Think they'll pick up what they need in the draft?"
"Dunno, man. They need some offensive help, McNair can't do it all by himself."
"They'll be fine. They got a big year ahead."
"Oh, I agree. I see at least 10, 12 wins next season." He pushed a button on his walkie-talkie and took a few steps back.
I sat back as much as I could, though it was harder when your hands are behind your back, pressed against the plastic seat. It was a bonafide plastic bench. I looked around, traffic whizzing by, knowing that I was going to be all kinds of late, or not show up, and I glanced over toward Southland Drive. I couldn't help but grin as I saw a red Ford Explorer, with four faces glued to the window, almost like a scene in a comedy.
In the front, Wookiee, while driving, was staring out the window. Next to him I saw the face of Shawn-Fu, and behind them, I saw the face of Tom Johnson and Mikey. The Explorer was going about seven miles per hour, all faces glued on the red car that they knew was mine parked in the parking lot, and probably the shape in the backseat of the police cruiser that they knew was me.
Mikey called The Rev'rn Ty, and said only, "Ty. The (fecal matter) has hit the fan."
Coming Thursday... Arrested Development's Conclusion...
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Rather Unimpressive Illegitimate Children
Just so we are clear, when I discuss a movie that I have seen, I in no way "endorse" the movie, nor do I say "you have to go see this movie right now!" or suggest to you that you won't be offended by anything that is in the movie, whether it bothered me or not. I merely tell you what I thought about the movie, some stuff in the movie, perhaps caution you as to what to expect when you see it...
...I say all that in telling you that Saturday night, I watched Quentin Tarantino's new film, "Rather Unimpressive Illegitimate Children". This is the film that, in the trailers, you see Brad Pitt with this crazy southern accent, telling a line of soldiers that he wants men who will torture and kill Nazis... well, it's "Nah-Zee", and he is demanding 100 Nah-Zee scalps from each man. Smashcut to Hitler slamming a table saying "Nein nein nein nein" over and over, and then the title.
So, here's what I thought the movie was going to be about... a group of Nah-zee hating Jew soldiers who was going into Germany occupied France during WWII to torture and kill Nah-zees. And scalp them. I figured we would see the exploits of this group, as they go from Nah-zee battalion to Nah-zee battalion, torturing and killing, and being a Quentin Tarantino film, I expected plenty of blood and gore.
And then Mikey, Matt Rector and myself watched the film.
Lt. Aldo Raines wants him some men to kill some Nah-zees
You know, I take pride in the fact that I'm pretty good with films. I've seen thousands of movies over the years, and many of them are the same, or at least the same type, and you can kind of predict patterns, kind of see where a movie will go, sometimes have a good clue as to "whodunit" before the blood dries on the ground...
however comma
I have to be honest in saying that this film went in a COMPLETELY different direction than what I was thinking it would. The trailer, which was very cleverly uninforming by Tarantino, tells you nothing of what this movie holds and where its going to go.
The Basterds, as they are called, is a group led by Lt. Aldo Raines, played by Brad Pitt, and he wants to kill Nah-zees.
Aldo Raines recruits a group of soldiers to do just that very thing, but along the way, we also see the story (and backstory) of Shoshanna (a wonderful--and gorgeous--Melanie Laurent), who's entire Jewish family is butchered by infamous Jew Hunter, Col. Hans Landa. Landa is played by Austrian actor Christoph Waltz, and the character is played to unsympathetic perfection. You want to absolutely hate Landa for who he is and what he does, but you almost find yourself liking him just because he is so "I'm just doing the job they asked me to do, and I'm going to do it well" blaise about it. Only the job isn't tiling a bathroom or fixing a transmission, its hunting and killing Jews in France.
I've heard a possible Oscar nomination mentioned with Christoph Waltz, and I would fully support it in this film.
In fact, the story of Shoshanna, and her run-ins with Landa, almost overshadows the parallel story of The Basterds until both stories intersect at the very end of the film. And the end of the film is glorious... Tarantino is not one to follow history by the book, so I'm sure there are a few things that happen in this film (like, the entire film) that really didn't happen in real life--and this is never more true than the last fifteen minutes of the movie.
I will say I am a little disappointed by a few events at the end... after the journey the movie takes you on, you see a character or two do some things that you just wouldn't expect or believe that character would do... its asking us to buy into one personality, then expect us to go along when the other personality rears its head... I know I'm being very, very vague, but I'm trying to be careful as I know there are a few people reading this that will actually see this movie.
(top) Shoshanna flees from Nah-zee execution. (bottom) Then later, she cleans up real nicelike.
And... I know there are a few people reading this that will shake their head that I went to see this movie. Understandably so, as its a Tarantino film, the same guy who did both volumes of "Kill Bill", and the bloody and violent (and magnificent) "Reservoir Dogs" and the language and violence filled "Pulp Fiction"... and yes, this movie displays all the QT charms. Random narration to explain plotlines, big writing on screen to tell you whats what and who's who, and the film is broken up into "Chapters" as it goes back and forth between The Basterds and Shoshanna, and a hilarious turn by Mike Myers as well. It almost makes you forget about "The Love Guru". Almost.
And we musn't forget Diane Kruger, who shows up as actress & spy Bridget von Hammersmark... you might also remember her from both National Treasure movies, the good one and the crappy one. And speaking of crap, she was also in "Troy". Man, that movie sucked.
Honestly, though, there weren't nearly as many blood and gore parts as I expected... now, the blood and gore parts were very bloody and very gory... but they were few and far between. The language was there, but there were more F-Bombs in the first ten minutes of Reservoir Dogs than this entire movie, so its not as bad as you'd think. As a matter of fact, I actually think that, if she could handle the few squeamish parts, The Lovely Steph Leann would actually enjoy this film...
Anyway, I enjoyed it quite a bit. On QT's movie rankings, I'd still ranking Dogs as my favorite, followed closely by "Pulp Fiction"... and then this one. I look forward to watching it again, enjoying all of Tarantino's eccentricities that he dashes throughout his films.
...I say all that in telling you that Saturday night, I watched Quentin Tarantino's new film, "Rather Unimpressive Illegitimate Children". This is the film that, in the trailers, you see Brad Pitt with this crazy southern accent, telling a line of soldiers that he wants men who will torture and kill Nazis... well, it's "Nah-Zee", and he is demanding 100 Nah-Zee scalps from each man. Smashcut to Hitler slamming a table saying "Nein nein nein nein" over and over, and then the title.
So, here's what I thought the movie was going to be about... a group of Nah-zee hating Jew soldiers who was going into Germany occupied France during WWII to torture and kill Nah-zees. And scalp them. I figured we would see the exploits of this group, as they go from Nah-zee battalion to Nah-zee battalion, torturing and killing, and being a Quentin Tarantino film, I expected plenty of blood and gore.
And then Mikey, Matt Rector and myself watched the film.
Lt. Aldo Raines wants him some men to kill some Nah-zees
You know, I take pride in the fact that I'm pretty good with films. I've seen thousands of movies over the years, and many of them are the same, or at least the same type, and you can kind of predict patterns, kind of see where a movie will go, sometimes have a good clue as to "whodunit" before the blood dries on the ground...
however comma
I have to be honest in saying that this film went in a COMPLETELY different direction than what I was thinking it would. The trailer, which was very cleverly uninforming by Tarantino, tells you nothing of what this movie holds and where its going to go.
The Basterds, as they are called, is a group led by Lt. Aldo Raines, played by Brad Pitt, and he wants to kill Nah-zees.
Sidebar... I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I marvel at how good of an actor Brad Pitt actually is. Like, he's the perennial Pretty Boy, but his IMDB page is across the board, from comedies to action to action comedies to drama to crap to brilliance, he is truly great. And the scene where Aldo Raines is attempting to converse in Italian is absolutely hysterical.
Aldo Raines recruits a group of soldiers to do just that very thing, but along the way, we also see the story (and backstory) of Shoshanna (a wonderful--and gorgeous--Melanie Laurent), who's entire Jewish family is butchered by infamous Jew Hunter, Col. Hans Landa. Landa is played by Austrian actor Christoph Waltz, and the character is played to unsympathetic perfection. You want to absolutely hate Landa for who he is and what he does, but you almost find yourself liking him just because he is so "I'm just doing the job they asked me to do, and I'm going to do it well" blaise about it. Only the job isn't tiling a bathroom or fixing a transmission, its hunting and killing Jews in France.
I've heard a possible Oscar nomination mentioned with Christoph Waltz, and I would fully support it in this film.
In fact, the story of Shoshanna, and her run-ins with Landa, almost overshadows the parallel story of The Basterds until both stories intersect at the very end of the film. And the end of the film is glorious... Tarantino is not one to follow history by the book, so I'm sure there are a few things that happen in this film (like, the entire film) that really didn't happen in real life--and this is never more true than the last fifteen minutes of the movie.
I will say I am a little disappointed by a few events at the end... after the journey the movie takes you on, you see a character or two do some things that you just wouldn't expect or believe that character would do... its asking us to buy into one personality, then expect us to go along when the other personality rears its head... I know I'm being very, very vague, but I'm trying to be careful as I know there are a few people reading this that will actually see this movie.
(top) Shoshanna flees from Nah-zee execution. (bottom) Then later, she cleans up real nicelike.
And... I know there are a few people reading this that will shake their head that I went to see this movie. Understandably so, as its a Tarantino film, the same guy who did both volumes of "Kill Bill", and the bloody and violent (and magnificent) "Reservoir Dogs" and the language and violence filled "Pulp Fiction"... and yes, this movie displays all the QT charms. Random narration to explain plotlines, big writing on screen to tell you whats what and who's who, and the film is broken up into "Chapters" as it goes back and forth between The Basterds and Shoshanna, and a hilarious turn by Mike Myers as well. It almost makes you forget about "The Love Guru". Almost.
And we musn't forget Diane Kruger, who shows up as actress & spy Bridget von Hammersmark... you might also remember her from both National Treasure movies, the good one and the crappy one. And speaking of crap, she was also in "Troy". Man, that movie sucked.
Honestly, though, there weren't nearly as many blood and gore parts as I expected... now, the blood and gore parts were very bloody and very gory... but they were few and far between. The language was there, but there were more F-Bombs in the first ten minutes of Reservoir Dogs than this entire movie, so its not as bad as you'd think. As a matter of fact, I actually think that, if she could handle the few squeamish parts, The Lovely Steph Leann would actually enjoy this film...
Anyway, I enjoyed it quite a bit. On QT's movie rankings, I'd still ranking Dogs as my favorite, followed closely by "Pulp Fiction"... and then this one. I look forward to watching it again, enjoying all of Tarantino's eccentricities that he dashes throughout his films.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Colby Curtain's Wish
For your weekend, from the "God's blessings are sometimes unusual" department... here's a story I've been holding onto for a few weeks, waiting to post. Thought it would be good for the weekend. Originally found on MSNBC in June.
The 10-year-old girl desperately wanted to see the new Disney-Pixar movie, “Up.” But the cancer-stricken girl was too sick to go to a theater.
Thanks to a family friend who got in touch with the movie studio Pixar, an employee of the Emeryville-based company arrived at Colby’s home with a DVD copy of the movie, The Orange County Register reported Friday. The girl died later that night.
Colby’s mother, Lisa, said she had asked her daughter if she could hang on until the movie arrived.
“I’m ready (to die), but I’m going to wait for the movie,” she said her daughter replied.
“Up” is the animated tale of a grumpy old man who, after his wife’s death, tries to fulfill their joint dream of visiting South America by tying thousands of balloons to his house and floating away.
“When I watched it, I had really no idea about the content of the theme of the movie,” Colby’s mother told the Register. “I just know that word ’Up’ and all of the balloons and I swear to you, for me it meant that (Colby) was going to go up. Up to heaven.”
Colby, who was diagnosed with vascular cancer in 2005, saw previews for the film in April.
“It was from then on, she said, ’I have to see that movie. It is so cool,”’ family friend Carole Lynch said.
According to The Orange County Register, Colby Curtin couldn’t keep her eyes open to see “Up” because of the pain of her disease, so her mother narrated what was happening as the movie played.
But the girl’s health began to deteriorate. On June 4, Curtin asked a hospice company to bring a wheelchair so that her daughter could go to a movie theater but the chair was not delivered over the weekend, Curtin said.
By June 9, Colby was too sick to go anywhere.
Another family friend, Terrell Orum, called both Pixar and Disney, which owns the animation studio. The message was received by Pixar officials, who agreed to send someone to Colby’s house the next day with a copy of “Up” for a private screening, Orum said.
The employee arrived with the DVD, stuffed animals of characters and other movie memorabilia.
Colby was unable to open her eyes to see the movie so her mother described the scenes. When her mother asked if she enjoyed it, the girl nodded, Curtin said.
The Pixar employee left after the movie, taking the DVD, which has not been released. Lynch, who was with the family during the screening, said the employee’s “eyes were just welled up.”
A call to Pixar seeking comment was not immediately returned Friday. Colby, with her parents nearby, died later that night.
Colby Curtain got her final wish
Her mother said one of the memorabilia left by the Pixar employee was an “adventure book” based on a scrapbook that, in the movie, is kept by the wife of the main character.
“I’ll have to fill those adventures in for her,” Lisa Curtin said of her daughter.
The 10-year-old girl desperately wanted to see the new Disney-Pixar movie, “Up.” But the cancer-stricken girl was too sick to go to a theater.
Thanks to a family friend who got in touch with the movie studio Pixar, an employee of the Emeryville-based company arrived at Colby’s home with a DVD copy of the movie, The Orange County Register reported Friday. The girl died later that night.
Colby’s mother, Lisa, said she had asked her daughter if she could hang on until the movie arrived.
“I’m ready (to die), but I’m going to wait for the movie,” she said her daughter replied.
“Up” is the animated tale of a grumpy old man who, after his wife’s death, tries to fulfill their joint dream of visiting South America by tying thousands of balloons to his house and floating away.
“When I watched it, I had really no idea about the content of the theme of the movie,” Colby’s mother told the Register. “I just know that word ’Up’ and all of the balloons and I swear to you, for me it meant that (Colby) was going to go up. Up to heaven.”
Colby, who was diagnosed with vascular cancer in 2005, saw previews for the film in April.
“It was from then on, she said, ’I have to see that movie. It is so cool,”’ family friend Carole Lynch said.
According to The Orange County Register, Colby Curtin couldn’t keep her eyes open to see “Up” because of the pain of her disease, so her mother narrated what was happening as the movie played.
But the girl’s health began to deteriorate. On June 4, Curtin asked a hospice company to bring a wheelchair so that her daughter could go to a movie theater but the chair was not delivered over the weekend, Curtin said.
By June 9, Colby was too sick to go anywhere.
Another family friend, Terrell Orum, called both Pixar and Disney, which owns the animation studio. The message was received by Pixar officials, who agreed to send someone to Colby’s house the next day with a copy of “Up” for a private screening, Orum said.
The employee arrived with the DVD, stuffed animals of characters and other movie memorabilia.
Colby was unable to open her eyes to see the movie so her mother described the scenes. When her mother asked if she enjoyed it, the girl nodded, Curtin said.
The Pixar employee left after the movie, taking the DVD, which has not been released. Lynch, who was with the family during the screening, said the employee’s “eyes were just welled up.”
A call to Pixar seeking comment was not immediately returned Friday. Colby, with her parents nearby, died later that night.
Colby Curtain got her final wish
Her mother said one of the memorabilia left by the Pixar employee was an “adventure book” based on a scrapbook that, in the movie, is kept by the wife of the main character.
“I’ll have to fill those adventures in for her,” Lisa Curtin said of her daughter.
Monday, August 17, 2009
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to 25K
I was trying to coincide post #500 with crossing the 25,000 page loads, but its not going to happen. I'd have to churn out three posts, with one of them being something extra special, in the next 24 to 36 hours, and its just not going to happen... but hey, if you come to the page and you notice the numbers "25,000" on the counter, let me know. Using the honor system, maybe I can get you a prize or something... I've been thinking of doing some sort of Clouds in My Coffee contest or gift or whatever.
FREDDIE ON MY TV
WWE Raw has had this ongoing thing the last several weeks where they've invited special "guest" hosts to run the program, ergo, the script writers just tell the celebrities what matches to announce, as opposed to telling the announcers what match to announce.
This is the reason that Freddie Prinze Jr has been on my television screen for the first time since the first (and thankfully, last) viewing of "Scooby Doo". He's the guest host on Raw tonight, and he's chumming it up with a guy named Santino Morella, which, I'll be honest, is one of the greatest parts about this show... he's stupid, he's hilarious and he's willing to look stupid in an effort to be hilarious.
MOVIE REVIEW!!
"Julie & Julia"... Oh, man I loved this movie. It helped quite a bit that it has Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, but Meryl Streep is also fantastic... as always. It tells two stories, one being Julia Childs' beginnings in France as a cook and chef, while paralleling the story of Julie Powell, who is looking for something more in her life, and decides to take on the task of cooking all 524 of Julia Childs' recipes in "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" in a single year... and she blogs about it. And both stories are true, with Julia Childs being... well, Julia Childs, and Julie Powell actually having a real blog telling this adventure.
Its Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with. Even with short hair. At one point, I leaned over to The Lovely Steph Leann and said, "I think she's my Colin Firth".
The movie is great, it moves fast (despite its 2:04 running time) and is fun. The Lovely Steph Leann and I laughed throughout, there were a couple of "awww..." moments when I think The Lovely Steph Leann found the theater to be a little dusty, and I think I can now watch Amy Adams in just about anything. And call me old fashioned, and I guess this was only portrayed in the movie because that's how it was in real life... but I like the fact that Julie and Eric, her significant other, are married. Not just dating and living together, but married. Somehow that means something. Chris Messina is awesome as Eric, who goes through just as much as Julie does, trying to cope with his wife under this massive undertaking.
The main Julie Powell story is based on a book called "Julie & Julia", which I have on audio and look forward to listening to. She also has her own blogsite she still keeps up, which does have a colorful use of the English language, so beware.
THE JOY OF STANLEY TUCCI
So this guy might be creeping up the list of my favorite actors. I don't know that he'd ever top it, cause I'd never mancrush on The Tuch like I mancrush on The Rock, but Stanley Tucci is in everything. And I don't mean "everything" like, Jon Voight and Samuel L. Jackson will take ANY job and is in EVERYthing, I mean "everything" as in, he's extremely versitile.
Check this out... amongst the 82 links he has on his IMDB resume, he's been an assassin ("The Pelican Brief"), he's been an elf ("A Midsummer Night's Dream"), he's been a gangter ("The Road to Perdition"), he's been a jerkweek airport administrator in the movie ranked 17th on TheDave 100, he's been Stanley Kubrick ("The Life & Death of Peter Sellers"), he's been a gay magazine assistant ("The Devil Wears Prada"), he's been a scientist (an abomination), and now, he's been the supportive and loving and loyal husband to Julia Childs, in another excellent performance.
You'll next see The Tuch as a very bad man in the upcoming adaptation of "The Lovely Bones", which, if the movie is as 1/4 as good as the trailer, I'm excited...
WE WAS PO' FOLKS LIVIN' IN A RICH FOLKS WORLD
...We sho' was a hungry bunch. If the wolf had ever come to our front door, he'd a had to brought a picnic lunch... Bill Anderson, 1961
Growing up on old country, when I see a Po' Folks restaurant, this is the song I think of--and why shouldn't I? This is where the restaurant name comes from. Po' Folks is one of those down home country eatin' places that serves collards and hamburger steak and (probably frozen) fried shrimp and fish and greens and not mashed potatoes, but mash'n taters and such.
Essentially, Hurricane Rhett & Lily B mentioned Po' Folks on their blog, and we had this exchange...
So naturally, what did I do on Wednesday? I went on down to Pelham and visited not a Po' Folks... but a Po' Folks EXPRESS. Being a fast food conessouir that I am, I immediately recognized the building as an old Captain D's, first by the two front doors facing opposite sides, then by the long bar you have to walk around to get to the counter. It was around 2pm or so when I went, so there wasn't much traffic.
THIS was not the Po' Folks I visited, as this one looks like its in an old Bahama Breeze building. But I looked for the PFE online, and I got nothing.
I got called "sweetie" and "sugar" by the older lady behind the counter, which I not only expected, but welcomed. The server at Quizno's calls you "sweetie" and "sugar", walk away. The server at Po' Folks, however, it perfectly fine doing so. I studied the menu, considered the fish, thought about a burger, but elected to go for the All Day Buffet for only $5.99, which included the lunch bar, the salad bar and dessert.
What is on the buffet, you ask? Well, fried and baked chicken, fried fish, mash'n taters with thick brown gravy, green beans, fried chicken livers and a few other vegetable options. I loaded up my plate with a few pieces of chicken, a piece of fish, some green beans and some mash'n taters (no gravy) and decided to skip the salad bar. Not cause I don't really like salad much, but more because it didn't look too appealing.
While the mash'n taters were exceptional (I had seconds), the rest was... well, eh. It was pretty good. Not great. The dessert wasn't all that great either, with the only dessert option being banana pudding. Banana pudding is something that's hard to win me over on, having grown up with my mother's banana puddin' laced with whole Nilla Wafers. Is there anything better than unbroken, perfecting circular Nilla Wafers lining the edge of your helping of banana puddin'? Number one, baby, number one.
Go for the price, not for the food. Remember this was an "Express", not a real Po' Folks, though I'll be honest with you, I don't know the difference.
And if I told you that I wasn't waiting for someone to ask me a question that I could answer intelligently, and then respond to the question, "Are you a genius?" with "No, but I did eat at a Po' Folks Express last night", and was disappointed when no one did... then I'd be lying.
MOVIE REVIEW!!
"District 9"... I sorta kinda knew what this movie was about, having read about it in EW, but I didn't fully comprehend the storyline, which is as follows: Twenty years ago, a huge spacecraft appeared and permanently hovered above Johannesburg, South Africa. After no response or movement from anyone in the ship, the South African government finally flew up, broke into the ship and discovered hundreds of thousands of aliens living in poverty and malnourished in the bowels of the ship. They were brought down, cared for and put in an area that is called District 9.
In the present day, District 9 is now like an alien ghetto, so the government makes a plan to move the now million-plus aliens to another location, District 10. A mild, meek official named Wikus is put in charge of the re-location project... but of course, all does not go as planned. I won't go any further so as not to spoil the plot for you, but you can read the full synopsis here.
I thought the film was excellent. And The Lovely Steph Leann really liked it, which is unusual for a science fiction/alien film, though she did throw her caveat on it, the dreaded, "Yeah I liked it, but its not something I want to see again", ensuring that she'll never watch the film. Ever. There's a lot of talk about the modern day parallels on apartheid in the film, and even the immigration issues and so on, and yeah, hearing that I can stretch the film's plotline to fit those parameters, but really, just enjoy the movie.
I will caution you, though... the violence is really alien violence (some of the weaponry makes people blow up on site), but there is a lot of language. The F-bombs are in South African English, so the "U" and the "C" sound like they are two "O"s in the middle, but you get the word anyway.
TAX EVASION
While watching WWE Raw, they like to show this Taco Bell commercial where this guy runs around collecting pennies from the "Give a Penny Take a Penny" jars scattered about the city. He's trying to save up 89 cents to buy a taco or whatever, and when he plunks his change down at the Taco Bell, and starts to walk off with his chicken burrito. The girl then says, "There's only 88 cents here", and he reaches over and grabs a penny from the penny jar, and says, "89!".
I have a problem with this. Like, where this guy lives, is there no tax? Do they not charge tax on food? You do that here, you pay 96 cents, not 89. Next, you'd better have the 96 cents, cause there ain't a Taco Bell in this city of Birmingham that would have ANY change not stolen in a "Take a Penny" cup. Finally, how does this guy get his taco before he finishes paying for it?
At the Taco Bell near my home, after paying for your food, you'd actually have time to drive to the airport, catch a plane to Tijuana, have authentic Mexican tacos, fly back, make it through customs with the tequila you smuggled in, then fight 280 traffic before getting the tacos you paid for in the first place. They are not known for their speed at this particular location.
Granted it does say "prices exclude tax", and I really like the fact that the whole basis for the commercial is to advertise how cheap an 89 cent chicken burrito is, and then the fine print says "prices may vary".
LET ME E'SPLAIN... NO THERE IS TOO MUCH, LET ME SUM UP...
I don't really have an ending here. I've kinda goofed on the interweb for the last few minutes just thinking of a clever ending to the this here blog post, and I got nothing. So I'll just tell you that one of my all time favorite group/duos, Watermark, split up a few years back. Well, the wife of the husband & wife duo, Christy Nockels, has just put out her first solo CD. Family Christian Stores has it for $7.99...
...and though I haven't listened to it yet, I look forward to it. So there.
I'll see you on the other side of 25,000... and by the way, dear Coffee Drinker, thank you. Thank you for coming back again and again. In borrowing my dear friend Erin the Marine Wife's own phrase, many kind regards to you.
FREDDIE ON MY TV
WWE Raw has had this ongoing thing the last several weeks where they've invited special "guest" hosts to run the program, ergo, the script writers just tell the celebrities what matches to announce, as opposed to telling the announcers what match to announce.
This is the reason that Freddie Prinze Jr has been on my television screen for the first time since the first (and thankfully, last) viewing of "Scooby Doo". He's the guest host on Raw tonight, and he's chumming it up with a guy named Santino Morella, which, I'll be honest, is one of the greatest parts about this show... he's stupid, he's hilarious and he's willing to look stupid in an effort to be hilarious.
MOVIE REVIEW!!
"Julie & Julia"... Oh, man I loved this movie. It helped quite a bit that it has Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, but Meryl Streep is also fantastic... as always. It tells two stories, one being Julia Childs' beginnings in France as a cook and chef, while paralleling the story of Julie Powell, who is looking for something more in her life, and decides to take on the task of cooking all 524 of Julia Childs' recipes in "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" in a single year... and she blogs about it. And both stories are true, with Julia Childs being... well, Julia Childs, and Julie Powell actually having a real blog telling this adventure.
Its Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with. Even with short hair. At one point, I leaned over to The Lovely Steph Leann and said, "I think she's my Colin Firth".
The movie is great, it moves fast (despite its 2:04 running time) and is fun. The Lovely Steph Leann and I laughed throughout, there were a couple of "awww..." moments when I think The Lovely Steph Leann found the theater to be a little dusty, and I think I can now watch Amy Adams in just about anything. And call me old fashioned, and I guess this was only portrayed in the movie because that's how it was in real life... but I like the fact that Julie and Eric, her significant other, are married. Not just dating and living together, but married. Somehow that means something. Chris Messina is awesome as Eric, who goes through just as much as Julie does, trying to cope with his wife under this massive undertaking.
Sidebar... I did watch Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, in a movie called "The Last Run", a movie I only watched because she was in it and I thought since she's emerged as my favorite actress, I'd catch up on her earlier work... it looked promising, with the two stars billed, in this order, Fred Savage and Amy Adams. It is absolutely terrible. Revolting. Horrible. Despite her name appearing 2nd in the credits, she's in it for about 8 minutes, if that. The rest of the movie is a grown up Kevin Arnold from the Wonder Years gettin' it on with random chicks, which none are Winnie Cooper so therefore, its disturbing.
The main Julie Powell story is based on a book called "Julie & Julia", which I have on audio and look forward to listening to. She also has her own blogsite she still keeps up, which does have a colorful use of the English language, so beware.
THE JOY OF STANLEY TUCCI
So this guy might be creeping up the list of my favorite actors. I don't know that he'd ever top it, cause I'd never mancrush on The Tuch like I mancrush on The Rock, but Stanley Tucci is in everything. And I don't mean "everything" like, Jon Voight and Samuel L. Jackson will take ANY job and is in EVERYthing, I mean "everything" as in, he's extremely versitile.
Check this out... amongst the 82 links he has on his IMDB resume, he's been an assassin ("The Pelican Brief"), he's been an elf ("A Midsummer Night's Dream"), he's been a gangter ("The Road to Perdition"), he's been a jerkweek airport administrator in the movie ranked 17th on TheDave 100, he's been Stanley Kubrick ("The Life & Death of Peter Sellers"), he's been a gay magazine assistant ("The Devil Wears Prada"), he's been a scientist (an abomination), and now, he's been the supportive and loving and loyal husband to Julia Childs, in another excellent performance.
You'll next see The Tuch as a very bad man in the upcoming adaptation of "The Lovely Bones", which, if the movie is as 1/4 as good as the trailer, I'm excited...
WE WAS PO' FOLKS LIVIN' IN A RICH FOLKS WORLD
...We sho' was a hungry bunch. If the wolf had ever come to our front door, he'd a had to brought a picnic lunch... Bill Anderson, 1961
Growing up on old country, when I see a Po' Folks restaurant, this is the song I think of--and why shouldn't I? This is where the restaurant name comes from. Po' Folks is one of those down home country eatin' places that serves collards and hamburger steak and (probably frozen) fried shrimp and fish and greens and not mashed potatoes, but mash'n taters and such.
Essentially, Hurricane Rhett & Lily B mentioned Po' Folks on their blog, and we had this exchange...
Me: Not gonna lie, I love me some Po’ Folks. They have one down in Enterprise, and used to have one in Dothan (maybe they still do). I took dates there. They had this deal with a BOWL of popcorn shrimp and a hamburger steak for $8.95. And it was good.
Lily B: Well I have good news for you d$! There’s one that just opened in my ‘hood, Pelham. It’s right on Hwy 31. Y’all come on down, ya hear?
So naturally, what did I do on Wednesday? I went on down to Pelham and visited not a Po' Folks... but a Po' Folks EXPRESS. Being a fast food conessouir that I am, I immediately recognized the building as an old Captain D's, first by the two front doors facing opposite sides, then by the long bar you have to walk around to get to the counter. It was around 2pm or so when I went, so there wasn't much traffic.
THIS was not the Po' Folks I visited, as this one looks like its in an old Bahama Breeze building. But I looked for the PFE online, and I got nothing.
I got called "sweetie" and "sugar" by the older lady behind the counter, which I not only expected, but welcomed. The server at Quizno's calls you "sweetie" and "sugar", walk away. The server at Po' Folks, however, it perfectly fine doing so. I studied the menu, considered the fish, thought about a burger, but elected to go for the All Day Buffet for only $5.99, which included the lunch bar, the salad bar and dessert.
What is on the buffet, you ask? Well, fried and baked chicken, fried fish, mash'n taters with thick brown gravy, green beans, fried chicken livers and a few other vegetable options. I loaded up my plate with a few pieces of chicken, a piece of fish, some green beans and some mash'n taters (no gravy) and decided to skip the salad bar. Not cause I don't really like salad much, but more because it didn't look too appealing.
While the mash'n taters were exceptional (I had seconds), the rest was... well, eh. It was pretty good. Not great. The dessert wasn't all that great either, with the only dessert option being banana pudding. Banana pudding is something that's hard to win me over on, having grown up with my mother's banana puddin' laced with whole Nilla Wafers. Is there anything better than unbroken, perfecting circular Nilla Wafers lining the edge of your helping of banana puddin'? Number one, baby, number one.
Go for the price, not for the food. Remember this was an "Express", not a real Po' Folks, though I'll be honest with you, I don't know the difference.
And if I told you that I wasn't waiting for someone to ask me a question that I could answer intelligently, and then respond to the question, "Are you a genius?" with "No, but I did eat at a Po' Folks Express last night", and was disappointed when no one did... then I'd be lying.
MOVIE REVIEW!!
"District 9"... I sorta kinda knew what this movie was about, having read about it in EW, but I didn't fully comprehend the storyline, which is as follows: Twenty years ago, a huge spacecraft appeared and permanently hovered above Johannesburg, South Africa. After no response or movement from anyone in the ship, the South African government finally flew up, broke into the ship and discovered hundreds of thousands of aliens living in poverty and malnourished in the bowels of the ship. They were brought down, cared for and put in an area that is called District 9.
In the present day, District 9 is now like an alien ghetto, so the government makes a plan to move the now million-plus aliens to another location, District 10. A mild, meek official named Wikus is put in charge of the re-location project... but of course, all does not go as planned. I won't go any further so as not to spoil the plot for you, but you can read the full synopsis here.
I thought the film was excellent. And The Lovely Steph Leann really liked it, which is unusual for a science fiction/alien film, though she did throw her caveat on it, the dreaded, "Yeah I liked it, but its not something I want to see again", ensuring that she'll never watch the film. Ever. There's a lot of talk about the modern day parallels on apartheid in the film, and even the immigration issues and so on, and yeah, hearing that I can stretch the film's plotline to fit those parameters, but really, just enjoy the movie.
I will caution you, though... the violence is really alien violence (some of the weaponry makes people blow up on site), but there is a lot of language. The F-bombs are in South African English, so the "U" and the "C" sound like they are two "O"s in the middle, but you get the word anyway.
TAX EVASION
While watching WWE Raw, they like to show this Taco Bell commercial where this guy runs around collecting pennies from the "Give a Penny Take a Penny" jars scattered about the city. He's trying to save up 89 cents to buy a taco or whatever, and when he plunks his change down at the Taco Bell, and starts to walk off with his chicken burrito. The girl then says, "There's only 88 cents here", and he reaches over and grabs a penny from the penny jar, and says, "89!".
I have a problem with this. Like, where this guy lives, is there no tax? Do they not charge tax on food? You do that here, you pay 96 cents, not 89. Next, you'd better have the 96 cents, cause there ain't a Taco Bell in this city of Birmingham that would have ANY change not stolen in a "Take a Penny" cup. Finally, how does this guy get his taco before he finishes paying for it?
At the Taco Bell near my home, after paying for your food, you'd actually have time to drive to the airport, catch a plane to Tijuana, have authentic Mexican tacos, fly back, make it through customs with the tequila you smuggled in, then fight 280 traffic before getting the tacos you paid for in the first place. They are not known for their speed at this particular location.
Granted it does say "prices exclude tax", and I really like the fact that the whole basis for the commercial is to advertise how cheap an 89 cent chicken burrito is, and then the fine print says "prices may vary".
LET ME E'SPLAIN... NO THERE IS TOO MUCH, LET ME SUM UP...
I don't really have an ending here. I've kinda goofed on the interweb for the last few minutes just thinking of a clever ending to the this here blog post, and I got nothing. So I'll just tell you that one of my all time favorite group/duos, Watermark, split up a few years back. Well, the wife of the husband & wife duo, Christy Nockels, has just put out her first solo CD. Family Christian Stores has it for $7.99...
Does anyone remember when CDs and DVDs were like, crack expensive? I mean, this CD a few years ago would have been minimum $16.98... I went into a Blockbuster the other day for the first time in forever (I'm not a fan of this place, fyi) and saw brand new DVDs for $4.99 and up. And not really crappy ones, either. Okay, they were crappy movies, but not really crappy, so its an improvement. I was a little shocked.
...and though I haven't listened to it yet, I look forward to it. So there.
I'll see you on the other side of 25,000... and by the way, dear Coffee Drinker, thank you. Thank you for coming back again and again. In borrowing my dear friend Erin the Marine Wife's own phrase, many kind regards to you.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Hannah Montana: The Movie: The Blog
Alrighty... in an effort to be the one who sacrifices for his readers, who does what he doesn't expect the audience to have to go through, I'm going to do a "running movie diary" blog tonight. Its a movie that I didn't necessarily care about seeing, but at the same time, I was kind of curious. So, its a movie that I procured a copy of, and am about to watch. You ready?
I pop the disc in, and hear the familiar narrator say, "This DVD is equipped with Disney's Fast Play", which to me is a crock. I always end up someway, somehow diverting to the previews, and let me tell ya, on Disney's DVDs, they have a LOT of previews. Like any movie coming out in the next year, any movie in production, any movie that Jorge the Mexican Janitor is imagining that might become a panel idea in seven years--there's a preview for it. And its on the Disney DVDs.
We get to Fast Play, and to the main menu... and the opening castle sequence. And finally... "Hannah Montana: The Movie"...
0:01... The music kicks in, Robbie Ray (Billy Ray Cyrus) stands, with his almost mullet, staring at a mannequin head holding a wig. At the window is Miley and Lilly--apparently she's late for her own concert! But never to worry, they just steal a golf cart.
0:03... So, I'm not a jailbait kinda guy, though The Lovely Steph Leann might tell you different with my affections for Ashley Tisdale..
The Lovely Steph Leann: She's a baby.
Me: Dear, she's 24.
The Lovely Steph Leann: She's a baby.
...but I think Emily Osment is really kinda good looking. Miley has put on the Hannah Montana wig, and then slips on a dress that looks familiar. Its one we sold in The Happiest Place in the Mall last Spring.
Oh, come on, she's kinda cute. I especially like the words "Tiger Beat" in the corner of this picture. Why is there a Dateline NBC camera crew in my kitchen? What the heck?
0:05... Hannah Montana is on stage and launches into "The Best of Both Worlds", which is the them song of her show. Not that I know this. She doesn't have a perfect voice, but its not bad. Somehow we've gone from the stage to her singing on a beach, and there's a coconut on the beach and she's at a video shoot and... oh, I get it. Its showing her crazy life! Clever.
0:08... Weird guy in her tent. He's from a tabloid, trying to get some pictures, and out comes Vanessa Williams who plays her publicist. Wait! The sleazy reporter left his camera on record! Oh no, he's got some footage! Nothing I'm sure he can't get in Vanity Fair. He knows there's a secret, but he doesn't know what! Intriging...
0:10... Here is the gist for those who don't know. Miley Stewart is the daughter of Robbie Ray Stewart, and a singer. But the world doesn't know Miley Stewart... they know Hannah Montana, one of the most popular pop stars in the world. But Miley & Hannah... they are the same person, just one wears a blond wig.
Miley has an older brother named Jackson, and her best friends are Lilly and Oliver.
0:11... Hannah is in a shoe shop (this is the expostion part), and spots a pair of shoes that she wants for Lilly's birthday present--but Tyra Banks also wants them. So they have a fight in the store... and the skeezy reporter gets the footage. And Miley is freaking out now because she's dressed like Hannah, but can't show up to the party looking like Hannah. But she can't get out of the car looking like Miley.
0:13... Just know that Lilly, who is turning 16 at this part--which makes me feel skeezy now--loves her BFF Miley, but sometimes not so much Hannah. So when Hannah Montana shows up, everyone suddenly ignores Lilly on her own birthday... and runs to Hannah. You girls are so sensative. And now she sings, "Let's Get Crazy".
I hate that I know this song, but I do. The Happiest Place int he Mall has it on their video screen, along with among other things, "The Climb", which I'll get to later. I hear "Let's Get Crazy" (and "The Climb") about two to three times an hour, eight hours per day, five to six days per week. That's a lot of Crazy Climbin'.
0:18... Oh, the troubles of Miley Stewart. Robbie Ray is furious! Her and Tyra's fight is on the front page of every paper (cause that makes the news nowadays), plus she missed her brother's going-away to Tennessee University (Really? The U of T wouldn't sign off on using their name?) and has now humiliated her bestie, Lilly. And now she wants to go to New York City and miss her grandma's party... unacceptable!
0:22... They are in the truck, Miley demands it stops, she gets out, pouts, a horse takes off her wig and its revealed that this was her horse as a kid--Blue Jeans? The horse bucks her off, and enter... the love interest.
Just a note... this movie is registering a 3.1 out of 10 on the IMDB movie scale rankings.
Travis Brody is his name. He's played by Lucas Till... sheesh, this kid was born in 1990. I was heading into the 9th grade. But, he was born on August 10th--my own birthday, so rock on.
0:26... If I had a nickel for every time I walked into The Cabana and saw Rascal Flatts sitting and jamming, I'd be a rich man. Miley's grandmom reminds me of my own mom, especially when she places an oversized collectable Elvis plate on the wall, next to her collection that includes George Jones, Dolly Parton and Ernest Tubb.
0:29... There's a black dude in the living room. How did that happen?
0:30... Robbie Ray spots a good looking woman in the parlor (he's single, by the way) and goes to talk to her, ends up getting flustered and knocks into the cabinet with all the plates on it. Hilarity ensues.
0:32... If I had a nickel for every time Rascal Flatts was randomly on my porch, crooning out a soft ballad, I'd add it to my Rascal Flatts in the Living Room Jammin nickels and I'd be even richer.
0:33... She is in her overalls and plaid shirt, which looks familiar. We sold the doll of her in this outfit, along with a pony, at The Happiest Place in the Mall. Regularly $29.50, but it went down to $19.99, then you could take an extra 40% off. Miley is swinging from a rope, tossing out chicken feed. Hilarity ensues.
0:35... Miley's grandmom sounds like my mom. "How come you don't visit me more often?" They are out shopping, and Miley displays her attitude. So Grandmom throws down, "Look missy, you may be Hannah Montana in New York, but here its just boots and britches."
0:36... Jackson, Miley's brother, is working at the local zoo. He has to feed the alligators. The camera pans to the bum, you see the snapping jaws. Hilarity ensues.
0:39... The skeezy reporter is in the country town, looking for Hannah Montana. Miley sees him. She switches the mild and hot pepper bowls. Skeezy reporter tastes the hot pepper bowl. Hilarity ensues.
0:42... There's another subplot about a rich developer in town that wants to buy off land and put in a mall. It has to be more than just one scene, because Barry Bostwick is playing the developer. Also, the skeezy reporter gets directions to Hannah Montana's country home, directions given by Miley Stewart and Grandmom, which puts the skeezy reporter in a mud puddle in the middle of the woods. Hilarity ensues.
Barry Bostwick sounds like one of those potetially legendary actors because his name sounds regal, and familiar, and you feel like he's been around forever and must have been in some big movies in his day, you just can't think of any. Really, though, in surfing his IMDB page, he hasn't done much to speak of.
You've seen this guy, right? Right?
0:44... You know, Miley Cyrus has a weird smile. Like, her teeth are odd. And there's like, 7 inches of gum above the teeth. I mean, I guess she's pretty enough for a 16 year old, but I'd put up Courtney Maddox over Miley Cyrus any day.
0:46... Travis the Love Interest tells her "life's a climb". I feel a song coming on. Now, he takes her on a ride through the country, so we get a Hannah song, or a Miley song--I don't know who gets the credit for it--over a Miley rediscovering her roots montage.
Okay, so I predict she won't want to leave, eventually she will with a promise that she won't forget who she is, and the skeezy reporter discovers the Miley/Hannah secret, but agrees not to tell, in exchange for some autographs for his daughters who are in a convent in England.
0:47... There's a benefit for Crowley Corner (the name of the town we're in) to save it from the developers. Robbie Ray is singing... holy crap, I would give anything--ENN-EE-THING--for him to start singing, "You can tell the world you never was my girl, you can burn my clothes when I'm gone..."
It starts out black screened, but give it a second. The joy awaits. By the way, the fancy footwork around the 3:48 mark--I totally could do that in 1992. Seriously.
0:48... Taylor Swift? Where'd she come from? Lucky she has appeared to sing a ballad, so that Miley and Travis the Love Interest can slow dance! And it gives Robbie Ray a chance to slow dance with Lorelai, the love interest of his own.
By the way, the chick playing Lorelai is Melora Hardin. You may not recognize the name, but the body of work is arguably better than Barry Bostwick's. She also played the principal in "17 Again", but I didn't really notice as I was too busy crushin' on Leslie Mann.
0:52... Miley gets tossed onto the stage, and she says she's going to add a little "hip hop to this hoedown". Boom boom clap, boom de clap de clap. Its "Hoedown Throwdown", which is not just a WWE Diva's Match... its a dance song.
Okay, okay, I admit it... I like this song. Its stupid fun. I barely know any of the words, but I still get a kick out of it. When it played at The Happiest Place in the Mall, there were little girls AND adults--mostly women, but a few boys and guys--that I would notice singing along under their breath. Hilarity ensued.
0:54... Oh dear... the skeezy reporter just came in! AND the developer comes in... and Barry Bostwick and Grandmom have it out... Barry Bostwick tells them that they have no chance of saving this town! And Travis the Love Interest says, "Miley knows Hannah Montana... maybe should could give us a benefit concert."
Oh, this could be bad, folks! This could be terrible!
0:57... Vanessa Williams and Lilly have both arrived. Miley and Lilly say their apologies and all, and suddenly, Lorelai walks in! Lilly puts on the wig, gets under a blanket and Lorelai thinks she's talking to Hannah Montana! Hilarity! Its ensuing!
1:02... Miley, figuring she's getting nowhere with Travis the Love Interest, gets Hannah'd up. Because when Miley Stewart tosses on a blond wig and becomes Hannah Montana, she looks COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
1:06... Oh no! Hannah promised Lorelai she'd make an appearance at the mayoral (the black dude, by the way) luncheon, but agreed on a date with Travis the Love Interest, who is awaiting Miley across the street... and we can see where this is going. The classic "be one person here, change quickly, be someone else, run back and be the first person, change quickly..." bit.
1:09... Mayor Token is serving lobster. Hannah, and Lilly, have trouble eating the lobster. Jackson has a ferret in his pocket. On both counts, hilarity ensues.
1:12... After all this, I actually kinda feel bad about Travis the Love Interest. If The Lovely Steph Leann were watching this, she'd say, "aww... poor Travis the Love Interest!" and have a pouty look on her face. The ferret just bit Mayor Token on the leg. The ensuing hilarity is hilarious.
1:14... The slow music kicks in, Travis the Love Interest walks away with that "you lied to me, you been makin' fun of me" conversation. Once again, the chick screws it up. Sigh. And now comes the part where she doesn't know if she can do this anymore. And somehow, Shannon Compton makes it into the movie as the girl who keeps seeing Hannah/Miley run past.
1:16... Robbie Ray and Lorelai have a falling out because of whats going on. Miley breaks down. I know he had his own show, "Doc", but really, Billy Ray Cyrus is a terrible actor. I mean, terrible. I know there aren't many Oscar winning performances in this film, but Miley Cyrus and Emily Osment can hold their own.. but Billy Ray is not one to be remembered.
1:18... Obiligatory father/daughter duet between Miley and Billy Ray. Did you know her real name is Hope Destiny Cyrus, but when she became famous as Miley Stewart in the show "Hannah Montana", she changed her name for real to Miley?
1:22... Time for the concert! Grandmom gives Miley a bracelet owned by her mom (who... died in a car crash? Unsure). Cut to Travis the Love Interest, and we see that maybe he is having second thoughts about ditching Miley... hmm...
1:24... Where is skeezy reporter guy? Right in the middle of "Rock Star", she stops singing... uh oh... is this the reveal? Is this where the secret comes out? She pulls off the wig! The crowd gasps! Lorelai looks over at Robbie Ray with a "Oh no! You weren't just being a jerk!" and he looks back in a "See, I told you, woman!" Mayor Token looks taken aback.
1:28... Lilly looks completely bored. The only person who looks happy with this entire turn of events is Travis the Love Interest... so essentially, she's thrown away her lifetime of secrecy and stardom for a dude she met a week or so ago. And here comes... "The Climb".
Holy crap I'm tired of this song. I mean, like, really. Cast Members at The Happiest Place in the Mall tell me they love it, they can't get enough of it, but me? I've heard it--and this is not an exaggeration--at least 100 or more times in its entirety. If you count a verse here or a chorus there as I'm walking through the store going or coming from backstage, I'd put it at over 200. Seriously. No more climbs.
1:30... So, the only part of the movie that actually makes me laugh out loud just happened... Miley is singing, and they cut to Robbie Ray, who has his hand in the air, hand making a "Number 1" gesture with his index finger pointed up, moving it up and down, back and forth, eyes closed, head bobbing. He looks ridiculous. And I laughed really hard just then.
I'm old enough to remember when Billy Ray's mulletopia he had going on was a glory to behold. I mean, it was majestic.
There is a good chance this song will get nominated not only for a Golden Globe but for an Academy Award. Think about it. Bono and U2 were nominated a few years back, but lost. That means that Three 6 Mafia and Miley Cyrus would have Oscars, but Bono would not. Mikey just kicked a small child.
1:32... Its good that in a small country town like Crowley Corners, they had a full set of violin players to play, on the off chance that Hannah pulls her wig off and sings a soft ballad as Miley, requiring violin strings.
1:33... Shannon Compton, in the audience, asks for Hannah. They all promise to keep her secret. So, on goes the wig. Skeezy reporter shows up, takes a photo and runs away... but here comes skeezy reporters daughters! Vanessa Williams had them flown over! Skeezy reporter tells his editor off, quits his job and agrees to keep the secret for his daughters getting some pics and front row seats.
Told ya.
Speaking of Vanessa Williams, this is an excellent album. Everyone knows "Save the Best For Last", but "Dreamin'" and "Runnin' Back to You" are fantastic R&B anthems.
1:35... Travis the Love Interest catches up with her. Finally, they kiss. Robbie Ray and Lorelai kiss. The money needed to save Crowley Meadows is raised! Lilly finds her a cowboy! Vanessa L. Williams enjoys cotton candy!
1:37... The end. This was a pretty terrible movie. Seriously.
I pop the disc in, and hear the familiar narrator say, "This DVD is equipped with Disney's Fast Play", which to me is a crock. I always end up someway, somehow diverting to the previews, and let me tell ya, on Disney's DVDs, they have a LOT of previews. Like any movie coming out in the next year, any movie in production, any movie that Jorge the Mexican Janitor is imagining that might become a panel idea in seven years--there's a preview for it. And its on the Disney DVDs.
We get to Fast Play, and to the main menu... and the opening castle sequence. And finally... "Hannah Montana: The Movie"...
0:01... The music kicks in, Robbie Ray (Billy Ray Cyrus) stands, with his almost mullet, staring at a mannequin head holding a wig. At the window is Miley and Lilly--apparently she's late for her own concert! But never to worry, they just steal a golf cart.
0:03... So, I'm not a jailbait kinda guy, though The Lovely Steph Leann might tell you different with my affections for Ashley Tisdale..
The Lovely Steph Leann: She's a baby.
Me: Dear, she's 24.
The Lovely Steph Leann: She's a baby.
...but I think Emily Osment is really kinda good looking. Miley has put on the Hannah Montana wig, and then slips on a dress that looks familiar. Its one we sold in The Happiest Place in the Mall last Spring.
Oh, come on, she's kinda cute. I especially like the words "Tiger Beat" in the corner of this picture. Why is there a Dateline NBC camera crew in my kitchen? What the heck?
0:05... Hannah Montana is on stage and launches into "The Best of Both Worlds", which is the them song of her show. Not that I know this. She doesn't have a perfect voice, but its not bad. Somehow we've gone from the stage to her singing on a beach, and there's a coconut on the beach and she's at a video shoot and... oh, I get it. Its showing her crazy life! Clever.
0:08... Weird guy in her tent. He's from a tabloid, trying to get some pictures, and out comes Vanessa Williams who plays her publicist. Wait! The sleazy reporter left his camera on record! Oh no, he's got some footage! Nothing I'm sure he can't get in Vanity Fair. He knows there's a secret, but he doesn't know what! Intriging...
0:10... Here is the gist for those who don't know. Miley Stewart is the daughter of Robbie Ray Stewart, and a singer. But the world doesn't know Miley Stewart... they know Hannah Montana, one of the most popular pop stars in the world. But Miley & Hannah... they are the same person, just one wears a blond wig.
Miley has an older brother named Jackson, and her best friends are Lilly and Oliver.
0:11... Hannah is in a shoe shop (this is the expostion part), and spots a pair of shoes that she wants for Lilly's birthday present--but Tyra Banks also wants them. So they have a fight in the store... and the skeezy reporter gets the footage. And Miley is freaking out now because she's dressed like Hannah, but can't show up to the party looking like Hannah. But she can't get out of the car looking like Miley.
0:13... Just know that Lilly, who is turning 16 at this part--which makes me feel skeezy now--loves her BFF Miley, but sometimes not so much Hannah. So when Hannah Montana shows up, everyone suddenly ignores Lilly on her own birthday... and runs to Hannah. You girls are so sensative. And now she sings, "Let's Get Crazy".
I hate that I know this song, but I do. The Happiest Place int he Mall has it on their video screen, along with among other things, "The Climb", which I'll get to later. I hear "Let's Get Crazy" (and "The Climb") about two to three times an hour, eight hours per day, five to six days per week. That's a lot of Crazy Climbin'.
0:18... Oh, the troubles of Miley Stewart. Robbie Ray is furious! Her and Tyra's fight is on the front page of every paper (cause that makes the news nowadays), plus she missed her brother's going-away to Tennessee University (Really? The U of T wouldn't sign off on using their name?) and has now humiliated her bestie, Lilly. And now she wants to go to New York City and miss her grandma's party... unacceptable!
0:22... They are in the truck, Miley demands it stops, she gets out, pouts, a horse takes off her wig and its revealed that this was her horse as a kid--Blue Jeans? The horse bucks her off, and enter... the love interest.
Just a note... this movie is registering a 3.1 out of 10 on the IMDB movie scale rankings.
Travis Brody is his name. He's played by Lucas Till... sheesh, this kid was born in 1990. I was heading into the 9th grade. But, he was born on August 10th--my own birthday, so rock on.
0:26... If I had a nickel for every time I walked into The Cabana and saw Rascal Flatts sitting and jamming, I'd be a rich man. Miley's grandmom reminds me of my own mom, especially when she places an oversized collectable Elvis plate on the wall, next to her collection that includes George Jones, Dolly Parton and Ernest Tubb.
0:29... There's a black dude in the living room. How did that happen?
0:30... Robbie Ray spots a good looking woman in the parlor (he's single, by the way) and goes to talk to her, ends up getting flustered and knocks into the cabinet with all the plates on it. Hilarity ensues.
0:32... If I had a nickel for every time Rascal Flatts was randomly on my porch, crooning out a soft ballad, I'd add it to my Rascal Flatts in the Living Room Jammin nickels and I'd be even richer.
0:33... She is in her overalls and plaid shirt, which looks familiar. We sold the doll of her in this outfit, along with a pony, at The Happiest Place in the Mall. Regularly $29.50, but it went down to $19.99, then you could take an extra 40% off. Miley is swinging from a rope, tossing out chicken feed. Hilarity ensues.
0:35... Miley's grandmom sounds like my mom. "How come you don't visit me more often?" They are out shopping, and Miley displays her attitude. So Grandmom throws down, "Look missy, you may be Hannah Montana in New York, but here its just boots and britches."
0:36... Jackson, Miley's brother, is working at the local zoo. He has to feed the alligators. The camera pans to the bum, you see the snapping jaws. Hilarity ensues.
0:39... The skeezy reporter is in the country town, looking for Hannah Montana. Miley sees him. She switches the mild and hot pepper bowls. Skeezy reporter tastes the hot pepper bowl. Hilarity ensues.
0:42... There's another subplot about a rich developer in town that wants to buy off land and put in a mall. It has to be more than just one scene, because Barry Bostwick is playing the developer. Also, the skeezy reporter gets directions to Hannah Montana's country home, directions given by Miley Stewart and Grandmom, which puts the skeezy reporter in a mud puddle in the middle of the woods. Hilarity ensues.
Barry Bostwick sounds like one of those potetially legendary actors because his name sounds regal, and familiar, and you feel like he's been around forever and must have been in some big movies in his day, you just can't think of any. Really, though, in surfing his IMDB page, he hasn't done much to speak of.
You've seen this guy, right? Right?
0:44... You know, Miley Cyrus has a weird smile. Like, her teeth are odd. And there's like, 7 inches of gum above the teeth. I mean, I guess she's pretty enough for a 16 year old, but I'd put up Courtney Maddox over Miley Cyrus any day.
0:46... Travis the Love Interest tells her "life's a climb". I feel a song coming on. Now, he takes her on a ride through the country, so we get a Hannah song, or a Miley song--I don't know who gets the credit for it--over a Miley rediscovering her roots montage.
Okay, so I predict she won't want to leave, eventually she will with a promise that she won't forget who she is, and the skeezy reporter discovers the Miley/Hannah secret, but agrees not to tell, in exchange for some autographs for his daughters who are in a convent in England.
0:47... There's a benefit for Crowley Corner (the name of the town we're in) to save it from the developers. Robbie Ray is singing... holy crap, I would give anything--ENN-EE-THING--for him to start singing, "You can tell the world you never was my girl, you can burn my clothes when I'm gone..."
It starts out black screened, but give it a second. The joy awaits. By the way, the fancy footwork around the 3:48 mark--I totally could do that in 1992. Seriously.
0:48... Taylor Swift? Where'd she come from? Lucky she has appeared to sing a ballad, so that Miley and Travis the Love Interest can slow dance! And it gives Robbie Ray a chance to slow dance with Lorelai, the love interest of his own.
By the way, the chick playing Lorelai is Melora Hardin. You may not recognize the name, but the body of work is arguably better than Barry Bostwick's. She also played the principal in "17 Again", but I didn't really notice as I was too busy crushin' on Leslie Mann.
0:52... Miley gets tossed onto the stage, and she says she's going to add a little "hip hop to this hoedown". Boom boom clap, boom de clap de clap. Its "Hoedown Throwdown", which is not just a WWE Diva's Match... its a dance song.
Okay, okay, I admit it... I like this song. Its stupid fun. I barely know any of the words, but I still get a kick out of it. When it played at The Happiest Place in the Mall, there were little girls AND adults--mostly women, but a few boys and guys--that I would notice singing along under their breath. Hilarity ensued.
0:54... Oh dear... the skeezy reporter just came in! AND the developer comes in... and Barry Bostwick and Grandmom have it out... Barry Bostwick tells them that they have no chance of saving this town! And Travis the Love Interest says, "Miley knows Hannah Montana... maybe should could give us a benefit concert."
Oh, this could be bad, folks! This could be terrible!
0:57... Vanessa Williams and Lilly have both arrived. Miley and Lilly say their apologies and all, and suddenly, Lorelai walks in! Lilly puts on the wig, gets under a blanket and Lorelai thinks she's talking to Hannah Montana! Hilarity! Its ensuing!
1:02... Miley, figuring she's getting nowhere with Travis the Love Interest, gets Hannah'd up. Because when Miley Stewart tosses on a blond wig and becomes Hannah Montana, she looks COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
1:06... Oh no! Hannah promised Lorelai she'd make an appearance at the mayoral (the black dude, by the way) luncheon, but agreed on a date with Travis the Love Interest, who is awaiting Miley across the street... and we can see where this is going. The classic "be one person here, change quickly, be someone else, run back and be the first person, change quickly..." bit.
1:09... Mayor Token is serving lobster. Hannah, and Lilly, have trouble eating the lobster. Jackson has a ferret in his pocket. On both counts, hilarity ensues.
1:12... After all this, I actually kinda feel bad about Travis the Love Interest. If The Lovely Steph Leann were watching this, she'd say, "aww... poor Travis the Love Interest!" and have a pouty look on her face. The ferret just bit Mayor Token on the leg. The ensuing hilarity is hilarious.
1:14... The slow music kicks in, Travis the Love Interest walks away with that "you lied to me, you been makin' fun of me" conversation. Once again, the chick screws it up. Sigh. And now comes the part where she doesn't know if she can do this anymore. And somehow, Shannon Compton makes it into the movie as the girl who keeps seeing Hannah/Miley run past.
1:16... Robbie Ray and Lorelai have a falling out because of whats going on. Miley breaks down. I know he had his own show, "Doc", but really, Billy Ray Cyrus is a terrible actor. I mean, terrible. I know there aren't many Oscar winning performances in this film, but Miley Cyrus and Emily Osment can hold their own.. but Billy Ray is not one to be remembered.
1:18... Obiligatory father/daughter duet between Miley and Billy Ray. Did you know her real name is Hope Destiny Cyrus, but when she became famous as Miley Stewart in the show "Hannah Montana", she changed her name for real to Miley?
1:22... Time for the concert! Grandmom gives Miley a bracelet owned by her mom (who... died in a car crash? Unsure). Cut to Travis the Love Interest, and we see that maybe he is having second thoughts about ditching Miley... hmm...
1:24... Where is skeezy reporter guy? Right in the middle of "Rock Star", she stops singing... uh oh... is this the reveal? Is this where the secret comes out? She pulls off the wig! The crowd gasps! Lorelai looks over at Robbie Ray with a "Oh no! You weren't just being a jerk!" and he looks back in a "See, I told you, woman!" Mayor Token looks taken aback.
1:28... Lilly looks completely bored. The only person who looks happy with this entire turn of events is Travis the Love Interest... so essentially, she's thrown away her lifetime of secrecy and stardom for a dude she met a week or so ago. And here comes... "The Climb".
Holy crap I'm tired of this song. I mean, like, really. Cast Members at The Happiest Place in the Mall tell me they love it, they can't get enough of it, but me? I've heard it--and this is not an exaggeration--at least 100 or more times in its entirety. If you count a verse here or a chorus there as I'm walking through the store going or coming from backstage, I'd put it at over 200. Seriously. No more climbs.
1:30... So, the only part of the movie that actually makes me laugh out loud just happened... Miley is singing, and they cut to Robbie Ray, who has his hand in the air, hand making a "Number 1" gesture with his index finger pointed up, moving it up and down, back and forth, eyes closed, head bobbing. He looks ridiculous. And I laughed really hard just then.
I'm old enough to remember when Billy Ray's mulletopia he had going on was a glory to behold. I mean, it was majestic.
There is a good chance this song will get nominated not only for a Golden Globe but for an Academy Award. Think about it. Bono and U2 were nominated a few years back, but lost. That means that Three 6 Mafia and Miley Cyrus would have Oscars, but Bono would not. Mikey just kicked a small child.
1:32... Its good that in a small country town like Crowley Corners, they had a full set of violin players to play, on the off chance that Hannah pulls her wig off and sings a soft ballad as Miley, requiring violin strings.
1:33... Shannon Compton, in the audience, asks for Hannah. They all promise to keep her secret. So, on goes the wig. Skeezy reporter shows up, takes a photo and runs away... but here comes skeezy reporters daughters! Vanessa Williams had them flown over! Skeezy reporter tells his editor off, quits his job and agrees to keep the secret for his daughters getting some pics and front row seats.
Told ya.
Speaking of Vanessa Williams, this is an excellent album. Everyone knows "Save the Best For Last", but "Dreamin'" and "Runnin' Back to You" are fantastic R&B anthems.
1:35... Travis the Love Interest catches up with her. Finally, they kiss. Robbie Ray and Lorelai kiss. The money needed to save Crowley Meadows is raised! Lilly finds her a cowboy! Vanessa L. Williams enjoys cotton candy!
1:37... The end. This was a pretty terrible movie. Seriously.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Politically Cartoony
Pardon me, but I wanted to post this for quite a while. So I thought I would...
I think political cartoons are awesome, and truly, there is no finer example of the First Amendment... like these I found...
This was done by a guy named Alex Ross, appearing on the cover of The Village Voice on October 6, 2004... see, Dubya is sucking this country dry of liberty! Hilarious!
Oh, and this one that Shepard Fairey did in 2004, appearing on the cover of LA Weekly. Its fearless. Its one of the finest cartoons you find. Bush. Satan. Same thing, really. Hilarious!
Oh, and here's a great one of Justice Scalia "puppeting" Justice Thomas. Cause like, Clarance Thomas is really nothing more than a stupid brotha' from the streets, right? Just doing what "The Man" says to do, right? Just a mouthpiece! I be knowin' dat's right! Oh no he di'int! Hilarious!
And speaking of Uncle Toms, what about Aunt Toms?! Here's Condi Rice just bowing down to "The Big Man in Charge", you know, doing whateva' the good massah say to do, right? What you say massah, what you say! She ain't nothing but a stupid bird, doing whatever she told! Hilarious!
Kind of reminds me of when Harry Belafonte called then-Secretary of State Colin Powell a "House N*****". I'm sure glad there wasn't a media uproar about it, because our country has bigger issues than a legendary singer poking fun at someone.
This is a great example of freedom of speech... an actual movie was made about not just the assassination of a president, but the Assassination of George W. Bush! Wow! Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!
And for you literary people out there, a book was made about the assassination of the president! But not just any president, mind you, but the assassination of George W. Bush, even going into detail about how it could be done, if you so chose! Wow! Brilliant!
Artist Drew Friedman submitted this to Vanity Fair in 2007. Its called "No Joke". See, it depicts Dubya as an evil villain, a terrible person who is hellbent on the destruction of our country and its Constitution, which is nothing more than a "g****mn piece of paper". (warning--link has quotes using Non Emmy Turnbow Safe language) Wow! Hilarious and brilliant!
Oh, and this?
See, this just offends me. When are we going to stop this bigotry and vitriol? We have to realize that such racism is outdated, such hatred has no place in the unified society we are trying to build not only for ourselves, but our children, and even our children's children. You may not agree with him, but you owe him your support as he is your President, and the office of the Presidency MUST BE RESPECTED. Now I'm ticked off and saddened.
Just sayin'.
I think political cartoons are awesome, and truly, there is no finer example of the First Amendment... like these I found...
This was done by a guy named Alex Ross, appearing on the cover of The Village Voice on October 6, 2004... see, Dubya is sucking this country dry of liberty! Hilarious!
Oh, and this one that Shepard Fairey did in 2004, appearing on the cover of LA Weekly. Its fearless. Its one of the finest cartoons you find. Bush. Satan. Same thing, really. Hilarious!
Oh, and here's a great one of Justice Scalia "puppeting" Justice Thomas. Cause like, Clarance Thomas is really nothing more than a stupid brotha' from the streets, right? Just doing what "The Man" says to do, right? Just a mouthpiece! I be knowin' dat's right! Oh no he di'int! Hilarious!
And speaking of Uncle Toms, what about Aunt Toms?! Here's Condi Rice just bowing down to "The Big Man in Charge", you know, doing whateva' the good massah say to do, right? What you say massah, what you say! She ain't nothing but a stupid bird, doing whatever she told! Hilarious!
Kind of reminds me of when Harry Belafonte called then-Secretary of State Colin Powell a "House N*****". I'm sure glad there wasn't a media uproar about it, because our country has bigger issues than a legendary singer poking fun at someone.
This is a great example of freedom of speech... an actual movie was made about not just the assassination of a president, but the Assassination of George W. Bush! Wow! Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!
And for you literary people out there, a book was made about the assassination of the president! But not just any president, mind you, but the assassination of George W. Bush, even going into detail about how it could be done, if you so chose! Wow! Brilliant!
Artist Drew Friedman submitted this to Vanity Fair in 2007. Its called "No Joke". See, it depicts Dubya as an evil villain, a terrible person who is hellbent on the destruction of our country and its Constitution, which is nothing more than a "g****mn piece of paper". (warning--link has quotes using Non Emmy Turnbow Safe language) Wow! Hilarious and brilliant!
Oh, and this?
See, this just offends me. When are we going to stop this bigotry and vitriol? We have to realize that such racism is outdated, such hatred has no place in the unified society we are trying to build not only for ourselves, but our children, and even our children's children. You may not agree with him, but you owe him your support as he is your President, and the office of the Presidency MUST BE RESPECTED. Now I'm ticked off and saddened.
Just sayin'.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
The Six Milk Rotation (a Starbucks tale)
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Gotta tell ya, I'm pretty tired. I'm giving myself about 30 minutes to blog out what I wanted to say, then I'm going to go up to my darkened bedroom (due to the cloudy skies outside) and take a two hour nap, so I can recharge before zipping off at The Happiest Place in the Mall.
My b'day weekend was great, and I'll probably talk about that on Thursday or Friday, when I have some free time, and though I worked all day Sunday and Monday (my actual birthday--and 816pm is my actual birth minute, if you must know, though that's Central time, as it was 916pm on Orlando on that fateful day long ago), it was still a good weekend. Monday night, The Lovely Steph Leann and I invited over two of our besties...
My b'day weekend was great, and I'll probably talk about that on Thursday or Friday, when I have some free time, and though I worked all day Sunday and Monday (my actual birthday--and 816pm is my actual birth minute, if you must know, though that's Central time, as it was 916pm on Orlando on that fateful day long ago), it was still a good weekend. Monday night, The Lovely Steph Leann and I invited over two of our besties...
...by the way, I think the word "besties" is one of the most ridiculous, silliest words I've ever heard. I mean, "BFF" is bad enough, but "besties"? So, because I think its so stupid, I use it liberally now. Of course.
...James and Jessica Hawbaker, winners of the 2008 Hannah Pruitt Cool Award on this very blog. We grilled out Omaha steaks, had baked potatoes, some Milo's tea and after dinner, we just sat and chatted for a while, like friends who don't get to see each other are wont to do, this time over 2 day old, yet still delicious, birthday cake and ice cream.
And as I cuddled up next to The Lovely Steph Leann later that evening, falling asleep, I was bracing myself for the whirlwind that would be the next three days. I woke up at 420am, rolled out of bed, dressed, brushed my teeth and left The Cabana around 445am to head to Starbucks. I left there around 1040am, got home, made some lunch, rested for a few minutes, did my email and such, took a long, hot shower and was at The Happiest Place in the Mall by 130pm.
Left The Happiest Place in the Mall around 1010p, got home around 1030p, crawled into bed around 1115p, then was up again around 420p. And back at Starbucks by 5a, getting off about a half an hour ago. Later, this time at a request time of 3 instead of 130, I'll be back at The Happiest Place in the Mall until at least 10pm, only to get home, go to bed and be back there by 830 in the morning. If I can last until tomorrow around 5pm, I've got 3 days off. And I'm smiling to myself, thinking of how I'm probably going to turn my phone off on Thursday night and sleep on Friday until my eyes cannot possibly stay shut any longer... I say that, but I'll be up by 930 or 10, just cause as I get older, I don't like wasting my days off... that's not to say I don't want to sleep, or like to sleep, because I do, but I do want to do other stuff. Important stuff. Like watch WWE: Raw on DVR, or sort through The DFC, or organize my Disney pins or sit and surf the interweb for hours on end with no real purpose... you know, vital things to do.
Anyway, we were busy this morning at Starbucks... really busy. Early busy. That's not atypical for a Starbucks sitting along the busiest highway in the state of Alabama, that being Hwy 280, but at the same time, it can be stressful.
Let's be clear... I'm good at some things, I'm not so good at others. I excel in certain areas, and I fail in many others to the point of not even trying. Making drinks when its busy? I'm good. I'm very, very good.
As much as Starbucks would like to have every store uniform, every drink the same at every store, its just not possible. There are too many people who all make drinks for it to be the same--thats not to say the recipe changes, as it doesn't. A grande caramel macchiato recipe is simply 3 pumps of vanilla syrup, steamed milk to about an inch below the cup line, layer it with about an 1/2 inch of foam, pour your shots atop the milk and put a caramel syrup crosshatch on top. Lid it, pass it out. But I'll bet anything that my caramel macchiato would taste slightly different than the one that Lil Sister Ashley makes. And this isn't to say its a bad thing--sometimes people prefer certain baristas make their drinks, cause they just know how much of what to put in there. A half pump difference here, a fourth scoop of foam less there, and you've got a slightly different tasting drink.
To that end, everyone sets their bar up different too. Most baristas I know, and I'm included in this category, want their bar set up a certain way. Me? For slower times, I've got an gallon of nonfat milk and a gallon of 2% milk on the ready. My thermometers are in one single pitcher off to the side, along with my pouring spoon and my stirring spoon. Two rags sit under the machines, one for wiping the steam wands, the other for wiping the front of the counter, lest I spill some milk. Since I work in front of two espresso machines, I have four glass shot glasses, two on each side, turned upside down, side-by-side, ready to be grabbed at a moments notice. Under the machines, in the fridge, I've got a nice stash of apple juice, whole milk, soy, signature hot chocolate, berry chai and other fun things. One addition I've recently made is having a sleeve of grande hot lids tucked away, but within arms reach, for when (not if) I run low during a rush.
When we get busy? Its imperative to have some sort of organization. I typically will use the slower time to prep and stock and get ready for the busier times, those times when you have seven cups lined up down the side, and one is a a venti very dry cappuccino (you probably will have to steam some new milk just to have the foam available) and another is a grande no water soy chai (not hard, but now you have to steam soy) and another is a Caramel Apple Spice (once again, having to steam apple juice) and another is a regular nonfat latte, but with five shots, taking up valuable time at your bar...
Milk is essential. The best and fastest way to get behind in a rush, the quickest way to get all out of whack is to not have enough milk steamed. Espresso shots by themselves only last around 10 seconds before they become dark and bitter, so if you don't get some milk or water on them, your drink is altered. Its a terrible, terrible thing to have four cups in front of you, each with shots in them, some with syrup, and just waiting on milk to steam.
When the rush hits, I start out with my Four Milk Rotation. I have two pitchers labeled 2%, two pitchers labeled nonfat. Off to the side, I have a pitcher labeled "Half-N-Half", one labeled "Soy", one labeled "whole milk" and two pitchers with no labels at all. And ready at the call is another pitcher of nonfat, and another pitcher of 2%. I keep steaming milk constantly. I typically press the "X-Hot" button, just to give it a few extra minutes of life, though its never enough to make a drink undrinkable. Even when I've cleared out the drinks in front of me, I will steam more milk, and have all four pitchers with fresh milk, ready to pour.
And one some mornings, like today, I call in the reserves... and go to the Six Milk Rotation. Three pitchers of nonfat, three pitchers of 2%, continally steamed. I only have four thermometers to work with, so I would put one in 2 of each milks. When I steamed a new pitcher of milk, I moved it to the back of the line. As the pitcher in front emptied, I refill it with cold milk, steam it, move the other two to the front, and put the thermometer in the next pitcher. When the new pitcher finishes steaming, I put it in the back, and grab the milk in front for pouring.
Several times I had three and four venti drinks in a row, so it wasn't uncommon to use up two pitchers of nonfat milk at one time, then have to steam two more. This morning I probably went through about 12 gallons of milk, just filling a pitcher, steaming, pouring up a latte, filling a pitcher, steaming, pouring a misto, filling a pitcher, and so on and so on. Each thermometer has a red area on it, and when the needle drops out of that red area, you have to pour the milk out, as its now "out of temp"... this only happened twice in three hours. When you are on a Six Milk Rotation, there's very little chance of wasted milk...
I did spill a pitcher of milk, though. It was kinda comical, as it was early, and I was still waking up. The music overhead was whimsical, not quite "The Entertainer" but along those lines, and I almost felt like if the music were loud enough, watching me would be like one of those Chaplin old silent films with the music synced with all the pratfalls and hi-jinks. And then I knocked over a pitcher filled with cold, nonfat milk. And the song that started playing overhead? "I Fall to Pieces" by Patsy Cline. Fitting.
I'm not nearly the greatest barista, I'm sure there are many, many more ahead of me. But I do know there are many, many, MANY more behind me, if only for the fact I've got close to seven years of Starbucks bar experience, enough time to have seen the changes in the way we do things, learning things that we weren't supposed to do are now things that we have to do, and finding out things we based our learning on were wrong, and we have to change it now... such is Starbucks life.
Just like baristas want their bar set up a certain way, most are territorial when we get busy. As in, "give me the drinks, let me do them, if I need your help, I'll tell you." And really, most of the time its easier to just do the drinks you need to do, than to explain to someone else. So, when you see a barista behind the counter and there is a line of drinks, remember... it might be helpful for someone else to walk up and start making drinks with them. Or it might be hurtful, as the barista at the bar would be forced to say something like, "okay, I've already put the splenda in those two, but not in the grande mocha, which needs another pump of toffee nut because the bottle ran out, and there's a venti misto, but they want it half-caf, and since we are still brewing the decaf, I don't have it in there yet, and I'm steaming the soy for that, and for this chai with no water and oh, can you add equals to that venti misto there that needs the decaf which is almost finished brewing..."
You know what. Back up. Back off. Let me do it. When I need some help, I'll say, "Fellow barista, could you assist me?" You'll get your drinks quickly enough--another person adds another minute to your wait time, I promise.
Finally, rushs are great. Line the cups up, there is a line at the counter, the drive-thru is backed up, your pumping vanilla syrup as fast as that plastic pump will spit it out, and the white mocha is flowing hot and heavy and the pitchers are in full Six Milk Rotation (I seriously had an Eight Milk Rotation once--holy crap) and there is chai on your apron and your finger has cinnamon dolce syrup on it and people are hollering to each other, "Hey, I need the Pike Place" and "Can you get me a blueberry muffin for the DT?" and "Please run back and grab some more milk" and so on... its awesome.
And when its over, I always think of one thing... I'm Triple H and I lean over the rush we just had, and say, "Rush, you can't see me!". Then I do the move that says, "I just killed it." I never do the full move, as it might be kinda rude, but you'll see me sometimes do a slight, quick hand cross up and out in front of me.
Then I walk away. Cause (courtesy of The Miz) I'm Dave. And I'm awesome (too bad you can't see my arms outstretched).
And now? I'm going to enjoy a nap. Cause I'm The Dave... and I'm... Sleeeepppy
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Hot Sister Cheney Meets Hootie
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Finally... a week and a half of promising, I'll deliver the new music on Clouds in My Coffee. Its always hard not just doing the same songs over and over, cause frankly, I know what I like. I'm a repetitive person, to a point--like, I'll eat the same cereal over and over for two or three months, then after that, I don't want cereal for six months.
Music is like that with me. I have my famous "Hannah Pruitt" playlist (the story of that name is listed in a previous post) which gets changed out every month... artists should consider it an honor to get on this list, as these are songs--new and old--that I will listen to over and over for weeks on end. Then, I'll punt them out of the list. All of the following songs are from this current edition of Hannah Pruitt.
"You're So Vain" by Carly Simon... this stays on the website. It just does. Get over it.
"You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift... my current favorite song of the year, and should rank quite highly in the Coolest Things of 2009. I think what makes this song for me, though, is the video. Unfortunately, for some unknown copyright reason, its hard to find. But me, being as awesome as I am, have it here...
I think they'd give special permission to have it appear here on Clouds in My Coffee. Right? Right.
"Good Intentions" by Toad the Wet Sprocket... You know where I found this song? On the FRIENDS Soundtrack CD, one of the first five CDs I've ever purchased. I remember its also from 1995... because back then, I was going out with Julie Haynes, and I made her a couple of mix tapes with my favorite songs of that year, and this was my 2nd favorite song of 1995. The first? "Dreamlover" by Mariah Carey. Or was it "Fantasy"? Either one.
"Love Song" by Sara Bareilles... She gets the award for the last name thats hardest to remember how to spell. I've written a post that I haven't put up here yet (until just a few minutes ago, I think I forgot I had it) and its basically how to dissect a Romantic Comedy. I think I need to add one more step... when you make the trailer, you need to put this song over it. Why not? 104 other Rom Coms do it. By the way, I think I've heard this song so much, I've tried to get tired of it... and I can't. Love it.
"Just Started Lovin' You" by James Otto... This should have been on the Coolest Things of 2008, but I didn't know the name of it, nor who sang it, so I had no point of reference other than "that cool country song where the guy sings like this and..." I plan on putting it on the end of this year's list, with an honorable mention, a la "Bourne Ultimatum".
"Steel Bars" by Michael Bolton... Sigh. That's fine. Laugh. Make fun of me. I don't care. I dig this song. Heck, I dig Michael Bolton, puffy Kenny G hair and all. This song is cool. Okay, maybe "cool" is not the right word, but seriously, from 1988 to 1996, he had one heck of an 8 year run.
"Running From an Angel" by Hootie & the Blowfish... my favorite song from one of my all time favorite CDs, "Cracked Rear View". I was riding with Hootie with Hot Sista' Cheney (another name with a story, lest you think Chris Hansen and I are BFF) recently, and I took a gander at her iPod. I think a person's iPod can tell you as much about them as just about anything else (unless you've got 10,000 songs on it, like mine, in which you would probably deduce I'm either OCD or bipolar... or maybe ADOS... you know, Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!) and I saw that she only had two or three Hootie songs on it. She's a bit younger than I, so naturally, why would she have more than "Let Her Cry" and "Hold My Hand"?
That's the problem with today's younglings... all they care about is Eminem and Lady GaGa and anything with a beat that talks about the po-po and smackin' up my beeyotch and so on and so forth. I would love a radio station that played some good 90s stuff. Sheryl Crow, Boyz II Men, pre-skank Mariah, pre-crack Whitney, even early pre-crazy Britney Spears would be fine. Am I the only one? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!
Anyway, in our conversation, we discussed how she needed to learn more Hootie, and for that matter, early, good Sheryl Crow. Before she went all "use one piece of toilet paper" crazy enviromental.
Later she said she was kidding. I'm not sure I fully believe that she was kidding.
Found these two magazine covers online... Sister Cheney, meet Hootie. Hootie, Paige.
Anyway, I ended up making Hot Sista' Cheney a couple of CDs, one being Hootie's entire "Cracked Rear View" album and a few songs from "Fairweather Johnson" and "Musical Chairs, and other with Sheryl Crow, most of her great stuff from the first several excellent albums, with emphasis on "The Globe Sessions", one of my favorite CDs.
Where was I?
"My Life Would Suck Without You" by Kelly Clarkson... This song makes a 2nd month appearance on the list. I don't dig all of her stuff, some of it is really silly and monotonous... but what I do enjoy, I really enjoy. Her song "Behind These Hazel Eyes" made the Top 100 (#25) in 2005, where she herself ended up the 6th Coolest Thing of that year. And this song? Bound for the Top 20, perhaps even a Top 10 appearance, if not for the emergance of "You Belong With Me", as listed above. Kelly and Taylor, slug it out. I knew a girl named Kelly Taylor once. She was pretty.
"Hard Luck Woman" by Garth Brooks... This was featured on the KISS tribute album entitled "KISS My A$$", which though the use of "$" doesn't disguise the words true intentions, its still a comical and clever title anyway. Garth doesn't sound like Garth here, but he does sound awesome. I actually, and this might be sacrelige to some, like this better than the original.
"Dream Lover" by Mariah Carey... I've often lamented my sorrow at how Mariah has turned into a string wearing punchline. She used to be so great, when every song didn't have a subtitle of "(featuring T-Pain)" or "(featuring Common)" or "(feat. insert stupid common word or acronym based rapper gangsta name that will forgotten in a year other than bloggers using it as a joke here)". But I digress. I was tempted to post a few pictures of Mariah, one from 1994 and one from last year, but any picture of Mariah in the last few years is bound to not be Emmy Turnbow safe.
"Motownphilly" by Boyz II Men... This song never gets old. However, I'm sure there aren't many below, say, 28 years old who will understand the line "A-B-C, BBD, the East Coast Family..." in this song.
"I Guess the Lord Must Be in New York City", by Harry Nilsson... Finally, this song is available on playlist.com, where is where I pull my playlist from. I tried to link to it before, and wasn't able to so do, but viola! Here it is. One of the classic 70's Songwriter's Tunes, its also featured in one of my top 15 movies in The Dave100.
"Basic Instructions" by Burlap to Cashmere... This is the album version, I believe, and still a great song. The better one, though, is the live version from "Live at the Bitter End", a five song EP released shortly after their first (and only?) album... it might not have been their only album, but it was really the only one with any relevance. The live version is a brilliant driving song, wedged in between "La Grange" and "Everything Zen" on my driving playlist. By the way, it took stupid me forever to figure out the "Basic instructions before leaving Earth" reference.
"Fingerprints of God" by Steven Curtis Chapman... Its underrated. But awesome. Simply fantastic. One of those "Let me sit back, listen and remember and praise how awesome God is." Well, those were the words I used to describe "Speechless", which was originally on here... however, even though it stays "Speechless", it plays "Fingerprints of God". Which is great too, so we'll go with it.
And thats our new list. You like it? Tell me what you think.
Finally... a week and a half of promising, I'll deliver the new music on Clouds in My Coffee. Its always hard not just doing the same songs over and over, cause frankly, I know what I like. I'm a repetitive person, to a point--like, I'll eat the same cereal over and over for two or three months, then after that, I don't want cereal for six months.
Music is like that with me. I have my famous "Hannah Pruitt" playlist (the story of that name is listed in a previous post) which gets changed out every month... artists should consider it an honor to get on this list, as these are songs--new and old--that I will listen to over and over for weeks on end. Then, I'll punt them out of the list. All of the following songs are from this current edition of Hannah Pruitt.
"You're So Vain" by Carly Simon... this stays on the website. It just does. Get over it.
"You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift... my current favorite song of the year, and should rank quite highly in the Coolest Things of 2009. I think what makes this song for me, though, is the video. Unfortunately, for some unknown copyright reason, its hard to find. But me, being as awesome as I am, have it here...
I think they'd give special permission to have it appear here on Clouds in My Coffee. Right? Right.
"Good Intentions" by Toad the Wet Sprocket... You know where I found this song? On the FRIENDS Soundtrack CD, one of the first five CDs I've ever purchased. I remember its also from 1995... because back then, I was going out with Julie Haynes, and I made her a couple of mix tapes with my favorite songs of that year, and this was my 2nd favorite song of 1995. The first? "Dreamlover" by Mariah Carey. Or was it "Fantasy"? Either one.
"Love Song" by Sara Bareilles... She gets the award for the last name thats hardest to remember how to spell. I've written a post that I haven't put up here yet (until just a few minutes ago, I think I forgot I had it) and its basically how to dissect a Romantic Comedy. I think I need to add one more step... when you make the trailer, you need to put this song over it. Why not? 104 other Rom Coms do it. By the way, I think I've heard this song so much, I've tried to get tired of it... and I can't. Love it.
"Just Started Lovin' You" by James Otto... This should have been on the Coolest Things of 2008, but I didn't know the name of it, nor who sang it, so I had no point of reference other than "that cool country song where the guy sings like this and..." I plan on putting it on the end of this year's list, with an honorable mention, a la "Bourne Ultimatum".
"Steel Bars" by Michael Bolton... Sigh. That's fine. Laugh. Make fun of me. I don't care. I dig this song. Heck, I dig Michael Bolton, puffy Kenny G hair and all. This song is cool. Okay, maybe "cool" is not the right word, but seriously, from 1988 to 1996, he had one heck of an 8 year run.
"Running From an Angel" by Hootie & the Blowfish... my favorite song from one of my all time favorite CDs, "Cracked Rear View". I was riding with Hootie with Hot Sista' Cheney (another name with a story, lest you think Chris Hansen and I are BFF) recently, and I took a gander at her iPod. I think a person's iPod can tell you as much about them as just about anything else (unless you've got 10,000 songs on it, like mine, in which you would probably deduce I'm either OCD or bipolar... or maybe ADOS... you know, Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!) and I saw that she only had two or three Hootie songs on it. She's a bit younger than I, so naturally, why would she have more than "Let Her Cry" and "Hold My Hand"?
That's the problem with today's younglings... all they care about is Eminem and Lady GaGa and anything with a beat that talks about the po-po and smackin' up my beeyotch and so on and so forth. I would love a radio station that played some good 90s stuff. Sheryl Crow, Boyz II Men, pre-skank Mariah, pre-crack Whitney, even early pre-crazy Britney Spears would be fine. Am I the only one? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!
Anyway, in our conversation, we discussed how she needed to learn more Hootie, and for that matter, early, good Sheryl Crow. Before she went all "use one piece of toilet paper" crazy enviromental.
So sayeth Sheryl: "I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares [sic] of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required. When presenting this idea to my younger brother, who's judgement [sic] I trust implicitly, he proposed taking it one step further. I believe his quote was, "how bout just washing the one square out."
Later she said she was kidding. I'm not sure I fully believe that she was kidding.
Found these two magazine covers online... Sister Cheney, meet Hootie. Hootie, Paige.
Anyway, I ended up making Hot Sista' Cheney a couple of CDs, one being Hootie's entire "Cracked Rear View" album and a few songs from "Fairweather Johnson" and "Musical Chairs, and other with Sheryl Crow, most of her great stuff from the first several excellent albums, with emphasis on "The Globe Sessions", one of my favorite CDs.
Where was I?
"My Life Would Suck Without You" by Kelly Clarkson... This song makes a 2nd month appearance on the list. I don't dig all of her stuff, some of it is really silly and monotonous... but what I do enjoy, I really enjoy. Her song "Behind These Hazel Eyes" made the Top 100 (#25) in 2005, where she herself ended up the 6th Coolest Thing of that year. And this song? Bound for the Top 20, perhaps even a Top 10 appearance, if not for the emergance of "You Belong With Me", as listed above. Kelly and Taylor, slug it out. I knew a girl named Kelly Taylor once. She was pretty.
"Hard Luck Woman" by Garth Brooks... This was featured on the KISS tribute album entitled "KISS My A$$", which though the use of "$" doesn't disguise the words true intentions, its still a comical and clever title anyway. Garth doesn't sound like Garth here, but he does sound awesome. I actually, and this might be sacrelige to some, like this better than the original.
"Dream Lover" by Mariah Carey... I've often lamented my sorrow at how Mariah has turned into a string wearing punchline. She used to be so great, when every song didn't have a subtitle of "(featuring T-Pain)" or "(featuring Common)" or "(feat. insert stupid common word or acronym based rapper gangsta name that will forgotten in a year other than bloggers using it as a joke here)". But I digress. I was tempted to post a few pictures of Mariah, one from 1994 and one from last year, but any picture of Mariah in the last few years is bound to not be Emmy Turnbow safe.
"Motownphilly" by Boyz II Men... This song never gets old. However, I'm sure there aren't many below, say, 28 years old who will understand the line "A-B-C, BBD, the East Coast Family..." in this song.
"I Guess the Lord Must Be in New York City", by Harry Nilsson... Finally, this song is available on playlist.com, where is where I pull my playlist from. I tried to link to it before, and wasn't able to so do, but viola! Here it is. One of the classic 70's Songwriter's Tunes, its also featured in one of my top 15 movies in The Dave100.
"Basic Instructions" by Burlap to Cashmere... This is the album version, I believe, and still a great song. The better one, though, is the live version from "Live at the Bitter End", a five song EP released shortly after their first (and only?) album... it might not have been their only album, but it was really the only one with any relevance. The live version is a brilliant driving song, wedged in between "La Grange" and "Everything Zen" on my driving playlist. By the way, it took stupid me forever to figure out the "Basic instructions before leaving Earth" reference.
"Fingerprints of God" by Steven Curtis Chapman... Its underrated. But awesome. Simply fantastic. One of those "Let me sit back, listen and remember and praise how awesome God is." Well, those were the words I used to describe "Speechless", which was originally on here... however, even though it stays "Speechless", it plays "Fingerprints of God". Which is great too, so we'll go with it.
And thats our new list. You like it? Tell me what you think.
Saturday, August 01, 2009
Eight Doses of John Grisham
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Don't ask me why, but I've managed to read 7 John Grisham books this year. Officially, I've read 5, and re-read 2, and because its the weekend and there aren't many people reading right now, and its my blog site, I figured I'd talk about them...
I find his books titles to be boring and predictable nowadays. I am expecting "The Indictment", and maybe "The Pardon" and perhaps "The Litigate". Name your legal term, chances are its a John Grisham book.
Let's discuss the bad...
"The Appeal"
So, there's a big verdict against the the fictional Krane Chemical company, a la Erin Brockovich, and the company CEO is determined to do whatever he can do get the courts to overturn the verdict. Aside from the CEO's tactics, the book has parallel plots concerning Wes and Mary Grace Payton, who are realistic in the fact that even though they won the case, its going to take a lot more money (that they don't have) and a lot more time (that they are out of) to get the money awarded.
The book has a great start, and is filled with suspense and intrigue, but the ending? Sucked. Absolutely sucked.
"The Summons"
Law professor Ray Atlee and his deadbeat brother Forrest are called home to Mississippi to discuss their dying father's will and estate. Ray arrives first, finding his father already dead, and boxes containing over $3 million dollars in it, money that he has no idea of the source. He assumes he is the only one who knows of the money, but as he discovers later, someone else knows he has it... and wants it.
The book has a great start, and is filled with suspense and intrigue, but the ending? Sucked. Absolutely sucked.
"The Last Juror"
This book isn't necessarily long, but it takes place over 10 or 12 years, but it seems like 50. This guy named Willie Traylor goes home, buys his hometown newspaper, and ends up turning it into a respectable paper. Well, there's a high profile murder in the town, Willie becomes friends with one of the jurors, some stuff blows up and so on and so on. It feels like there are 187 characters to keep up with, and 185 aren't even remotely worth remembering.
The book overall is not bad. The problem is, it goes in about fifteen different directions... the book has a great start, and is filled with suspense and intrigue, but the ending? Sucked. Absolutely sucked.
Let me say this... fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I probably voted for Obama. Well, we know the truth on that, so after reading the first two books and getting all into the stories, only to have the last chapters of each practically yell at me, "SUCKAAA!!!!" I stopped reading "The Testament" after 50 pages. It has a very, very good beginning, one that got me in the bookstore, and I purchased on impulse.
I put it down, then went to Wikipedia, and read the entire synopsis. I'm not one of those who will just die if I already know the ending before I read it (see "Leann, The Lovely Steph") and I wanted to make sure I wasn't wasting my time... and sure enough, according to the Wiki synopsis, the ending sucks. Absolutely sucks.
How about we go back to the early stuff?
"Runaway Jury"
A jury is needed to try a case where a widow is suing a tobacco company, because she holds them at least partly responsible for the lung cancer death of her husband. The defendants hire Rankin Fitch, a rough and tough jury consultant with just the right amount of sleaze in him, and they work on that jury selection, taking in particular a guy named Nicolas Easter. Easter then begins to flex his muscles as he shows to both Fitch and to prosecuting attorney Wendall Rohr that he, along with an outside associate, can guarantee a verdict... for the right price.
Thought it was great. The characters are interesting and different, the mystery and motivation behind Easter's power over the jury is slowly revealed through a series of revelations. And the ending? Very well done. Skip the movie.
"The Firm"
Ah, well, you've probably seen the movie, but if you haven't, its a simple book about a young lawyer named Mitch, who accepts a position at a Memphis based firm based on its focus of family values and morals. But of course, all is not as it seems, as Mitch finds out that some of the firm's clients aren't on the up-and-up, and some of them are downright... well, deadly.
This book is brilliant, and is not only my favorite Grisham book, but sits among my favorite 10 or 15 books ever. I re-read this one every few years, and this year's read was my 4th. It just moves fast, tells the story, the bad guys are bad, the good guys are good and its a great read all the way around. The movie is good, but there are several elements changed. The Quaker Oatmeal Man drops the F-bomb though, and its rather scarring.
"The Pelican Brief"
Two Supreme Court Justices are murdered in the span of a few hours... one was much hated, and surprised no one, the other perplexes everyone. Everyone has a theory, no one gets it right until... Darby Shaw puts together her own theory that has a far fetched suspect and a way-out-in-left field conspiracy based on the Louisiana wetlands and the pelican's habitat. Its ridiculous... and when it finds its way into the wrong hands, she finds out its right on point.
When I read this book for the first time in 1993, I didn't notice how liberally biased it was written, and didn't really realize how left-wing John Grisham is. Its probably because in 1993, I didn't really pay attention to much, I watched CNN alot, and thought Clinton was a great guy--in short, I was a uninformed liberal (oxymoron?)
Anyway, in this book--and in his others as well--the word "Republican" and "Conservative" are dirty words, and all the rotten, evil jerkfaces in this book fall into those two categories. The good guys, the ones who are compassionate and care about people and such are the Democrats and libs... so, if you can get past all this (or, depending on who you are, relish this), the book is all kinds of awesome, and runs a very close second to "The Firm" to being my favorite. The movie is pretty good, but after seeing it, its hard to see Grey Grantham as anything other than Denzel. In the book, he's a white guy who hits on Darby, alot.
This trailer is so dated--it made me laugh how cheesy the narrator sounded back in the day...
The Verdict is Still Out On...
"The Broker"
Joel Backman has been in prison for a long, long time because of stolen satellite software and charges of treason. The outgoing president (who Grisham refers to as "..an idiot... but a clean one...") delivers him a pardon on the urging of some of consultants. The idea is, pardon him, take him overseas and see which country kills him because of the satellite software he still possesses and has hidden.
I'm usually not big on novels that take place primarily on foreign soil--this one pretty much takes place in Italy--but I kinda liked this. The book is light and breezy, it goes fast (I finished it in a two days) and though only the main characters are remotely interesting, the story is kinda fun. The ending isn't all that great, but it isn't terrible.
"The Innocent Man"
This is John Grisham's first work of non-fiction, and if you are a Investigative Discovery/Dateline/truTV junkie like I am, I ate this book up. In the morning of December 8, 1982, the body of Debra Sue Carter, a 21-year-old cocktail waitress in resident of Ada, OK, was found beaten, raped and suffocated in the bedroom of her garage apartment. After five years of false starts and shoddy police work by the Ada police, Ron Williamson—along with his "drinking buddy", Dennis Fritz—was charged, tried and convicted of the rape and murder charges in 1987-1988. Williamson was sentenced to death. Fritz, meanwhile, was given a life sentence.
The book centers around said shoddy police work and its failure to interrogate much more likely suspects (including the guy who actually turned out to be the real killer), the claimed incompetence of the lawyers surrounding the case on both sides and the efforts to free both Williamson and Fritz from The Innocence Project.
It is very obvious from the first 1/3 of the book that both guys are wrongly accused (if the title didn't give it away) but I had to definitely take some of Grisham's criticisms of our legal system and death penalties with a grain of salt. I did a little background Googlation on the subject, and came up with a few sites disputing much of the facts in the book, including a site from Bill Peterson, the prosecuting attorney in the case. Grisham does a bang up job of blasting Peterson through most of the book, and Peterson's site retaliates. Peterson has a huge write up contradicting much of the book, and a fun little webpage where he and Grisham exchange heated letters.
Also, in my looking around the interweb, I think I've discovered that as talented as he is, John Grisham may be a real tool in real life.
Just picked up "The Chamber", and I'm hoping it will be good, since its one of his early novels... however, knowing Grisham now as I do, I have a feeling since much of it revolves around a death row inmate, it will be a scathing indictment on the death penalty.
Either way, its my final Grisham for the year. Nine is enough.
Don't ask me why, but I've managed to read 7 John Grisham books this year. Officially, I've read 5, and re-read 2, and because its the weekend and there aren't many people reading right now, and its my blog site, I figured I'd talk about them...
I find his books titles to be boring and predictable nowadays. I am expecting "The Indictment", and maybe "The Pardon" and perhaps "The Litigate". Name your legal term, chances are its a John Grisham book.
Let's discuss the bad...
"The Appeal"
So, there's a big verdict against the the fictional Krane Chemical company, a la Erin Brockovich, and the company CEO is determined to do whatever he can do get the courts to overturn the verdict. Aside from the CEO's tactics, the book has parallel plots concerning Wes and Mary Grace Payton, who are realistic in the fact that even though they won the case, its going to take a lot more money (that they don't have) and a lot more time (that they are out of) to get the money awarded.
The book has a great start, and is filled with suspense and intrigue, but the ending? Sucked. Absolutely sucked.
"The Summons"
Law professor Ray Atlee and his deadbeat brother Forrest are called home to Mississippi to discuss their dying father's will and estate. Ray arrives first, finding his father already dead, and boxes containing over $3 million dollars in it, money that he has no idea of the source. He assumes he is the only one who knows of the money, but as he discovers later, someone else knows he has it... and wants it.
The book has a great start, and is filled with suspense and intrigue, but the ending? Sucked. Absolutely sucked.
"The Last Juror"
This book isn't necessarily long, but it takes place over 10 or 12 years, but it seems like 50. This guy named Willie Traylor goes home, buys his hometown newspaper, and ends up turning it into a respectable paper. Well, there's a high profile murder in the town, Willie becomes friends with one of the jurors, some stuff blows up and so on and so on. It feels like there are 187 characters to keep up with, and 185 aren't even remotely worth remembering.
The book overall is not bad. The problem is, it goes in about fifteen different directions... the book has a great start, and is filled with suspense and intrigue, but the ending? Sucked. Absolutely sucked.
Let me say this... fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I probably voted for Obama. Well, we know the truth on that, so after reading the first two books and getting all into the stories, only to have the last chapters of each practically yell at me, "SUCKAAA!!!!" I stopped reading "The Testament" after 50 pages. It has a very, very good beginning, one that got me in the bookstore, and I purchased on impulse.
I put it down, then went to Wikipedia, and read the entire synopsis. I'm not one of those who will just die if I already know the ending before I read it (see "Leann, The Lovely Steph") and I wanted to make sure I wasn't wasting my time... and sure enough, according to the Wiki synopsis, the ending sucks. Absolutely sucks.
How about we go back to the early stuff?
"Runaway Jury"
A jury is needed to try a case where a widow is suing a tobacco company, because she holds them at least partly responsible for the lung cancer death of her husband. The defendants hire Rankin Fitch, a rough and tough jury consultant with just the right amount of sleaze in him, and they work on that jury selection, taking in particular a guy named Nicolas Easter. Easter then begins to flex his muscles as he shows to both Fitch and to prosecuting attorney Wendall Rohr that he, along with an outside associate, can guarantee a verdict... for the right price.
Thought it was great. The characters are interesting and different, the mystery and motivation behind Easter's power over the jury is slowly revealed through a series of revelations. And the ending? Very well done. Skip the movie.
"The Firm"
Ah, well, you've probably seen the movie, but if you haven't, its a simple book about a young lawyer named Mitch, who accepts a position at a Memphis based firm based on its focus of family values and morals. But of course, all is not as it seems, as Mitch finds out that some of the firm's clients aren't on the up-and-up, and some of them are downright... well, deadly.
This book is brilliant, and is not only my favorite Grisham book, but sits among my favorite 10 or 15 books ever. I re-read this one every few years, and this year's read was my 4th. It just moves fast, tells the story, the bad guys are bad, the good guys are good and its a great read all the way around. The movie is good, but there are several elements changed. The Quaker Oatmeal Man drops the F-bomb though, and its rather scarring.
"The Pelican Brief"
Two Supreme Court Justices are murdered in the span of a few hours... one was much hated, and surprised no one, the other perplexes everyone. Everyone has a theory, no one gets it right until... Darby Shaw puts together her own theory that has a far fetched suspect and a way-out-in-left field conspiracy based on the Louisiana wetlands and the pelican's habitat. Its ridiculous... and when it finds its way into the wrong hands, she finds out its right on point.
When I read this book for the first time in 1993, I didn't notice how liberally biased it was written, and didn't really realize how left-wing John Grisham is. Its probably because in 1993, I didn't really pay attention to much, I watched CNN alot, and thought Clinton was a great guy--in short, I was a uninformed liberal (oxymoron?)
Anyway, in this book--and in his others as well--the word "Republican" and "Conservative" are dirty words, and all the rotten, evil jerkfaces in this book fall into those two categories. The good guys, the ones who are compassionate and care about people and such are the Democrats and libs... so, if you can get past all this (or, depending on who you are, relish this), the book is all kinds of awesome, and runs a very close second to "The Firm" to being my favorite. The movie is pretty good, but after seeing it, its hard to see Grey Grantham as anything other than Denzel. In the book, he's a white guy who hits on Darby, alot.
This trailer is so dated--it made me laugh how cheesy the narrator sounded back in the day...
The Verdict is Still Out On...
"The Broker"
Joel Backman has been in prison for a long, long time because of stolen satellite software and charges of treason. The outgoing president (who Grisham refers to as "..an idiot... but a clean one...") delivers him a pardon on the urging of some of consultants. The idea is, pardon him, take him overseas and see which country kills him because of the satellite software he still possesses and has hidden.
I'm usually not big on novels that take place primarily on foreign soil--this one pretty much takes place in Italy--but I kinda liked this. The book is light and breezy, it goes fast (I finished it in a two days) and though only the main characters are remotely interesting, the story is kinda fun. The ending isn't all that great, but it isn't terrible.
"The Innocent Man"
This is John Grisham's first work of non-fiction, and if you are a Investigative Discovery/Dateline/truTV junkie like I am, I ate this book up. In the morning of December 8, 1982, the body of Debra Sue Carter, a 21-year-old cocktail waitress in resident of Ada, OK, was found beaten, raped and suffocated in the bedroom of her garage apartment. After five years of false starts and shoddy police work by the Ada police, Ron Williamson—along with his "drinking buddy", Dennis Fritz—was charged, tried and convicted of the rape and murder charges in 1987-1988. Williamson was sentenced to death. Fritz, meanwhile, was given a life sentence.
The book centers around said shoddy police work and its failure to interrogate much more likely suspects (including the guy who actually turned out to be the real killer), the claimed incompetence of the lawyers surrounding the case on both sides and the efforts to free both Williamson and Fritz from The Innocence Project.
It is very obvious from the first 1/3 of the book that both guys are wrongly accused (if the title didn't give it away) but I had to definitely take some of Grisham's criticisms of our legal system and death penalties with a grain of salt. I did a little background Googlation on the subject, and came up with a few sites disputing much of the facts in the book, including a site from Bill Peterson, the prosecuting attorney in the case. Grisham does a bang up job of blasting Peterson through most of the book, and Peterson's site retaliates. Peterson has a huge write up contradicting much of the book, and a fun little webpage where he and Grisham exchange heated letters.
Also, in my looking around the interweb, I think I've discovered that as talented as he is, John Grisham may be a real tool in real life.
Just picked up "The Chamber", and I'm hoping it will be good, since its one of his early novels... however, knowing Grisham now as I do, I have a feeling since much of it revolves around a death row inmate, it will be a scathing indictment on the death penalty.
Either way, its my final Grisham for the year. Nine is enough.
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