After mentioning about a month ago that I really need to lose some weight, I really wasn't sure what to do. I mean, I have a membership to the Hoover Rec and all it's workout facilities, but beyond the cardio room, I have no direction. By that, I mean I could go and lift weights randomly, work out on the nautilus machines and whatever, but I really just needed someone knowledgeable to say "Okay, on Monday, you do this and this... on Tuesday, work on this by doing these things..." I even tried to get one of those $35 an hour personal training sessions, but I never found anyone at the desk nor would they ever answer the phone.
So, the weight stayed. Sure, I could have just run around our big parking lot a few dozen times a night, but honestly... who's going to do that? Not me.
Then, I began to think, what if I just did something. I mean, anything. Perhaps not the treadmill--the treadmill leaves me exhausted and discouraged. I feel really weak and crappy after I get so winded so quickly, and it takes me 15 minutes to run a mile... when I was in 7th grade, I busted out a 7 minute and 3 second mile, no joke. I had to be fast when running from Drew Snell and Shane Gillis, 'cause they chased me on the their bikes.
Anyway, the stairmaster thing also leaves me wiped out after a few minutes... but what about the bikes? The stationary bikes? I love bike riding, always have. If we lived in an area that's more conducive to bike riding, I think Steph Leann and I would both have them, but since we live about a half mile from Alabama's biggest mall, and all the traffic and surrounding major highways that go with it, bike riding here is about as safe as Cindy Sheehan in a VFW meeting. Again, we could ride big circles around our parking lot... but no.
However, the stationary bikes are cool. Sit, pedal fast, watch the miles go by, work up a sweat, and actually keep going for a good 30 or 40 minutes, not just 10 or 15. But, should I just ride? For how long? I need a goal. I always need a goal.
I'm a goal/checklist kind of person. Even when I'm closing at the store, I make a checklist of stuff that has to be done. I enjoy marking off accomplished things. Sitting around the desk, even right now, I've found random scratch sheets of paper that have crudely drawn squares with words like "fold laundry" or "return movie" or "finish blog", sometimes with a big X in the square, sometimes the square is empty... but a checklist, nonetheless.
I've always wanted to bike across the country. How neat would it be to toss on a backpack, climb on a 10 speed, and just go? Travel from city to city, try local fare, sleeping in run down motels or in open fields, meeting random people, making random friends along the way.
I went to Barnes & Noble and found the Harley Davidson Ride Atlas, and began to decide where I wanted to "travel". Should I go west? Perhaps the length of I-10, the interstate that runs cross country, the interstate that is 30 minutes from where I grew up, and I always looked at it in awe and wonder (before I ended up living a minute from an interstate, that is). Maybe go to the beach, and just navigate the whole of the coastline of Florida?
No, I want to go east and then north. New York City, at least. Then New England. Maybe back across Pennsylvania, Ohio, and head south again, through Kentucky and Tennessee. NYCJenni lives in... well, NYC. Maybe stop and meet her for lunch. My buddy Jess is in Kentucky, maybe we can meet up for ice cream. Tons of people in Tennessee I know.
Thus was born "Dave's Virtual Bike Tour".
Using Google Maps, the Harley atlas and a road map from Steph Leann's car, I've officially mapped out a route to Washington DC (1016.7 miles). I've drawn out a way to Allentown, PA, but don't have the mileage for that just yet.
Essentially, each day, I hope on board the bike and ride. As the miles add up, that's a little farther down the road I've gone. And here's the "details" of my first week...
Week One of Dave's Virtual Bike Tour...
23 miles to Leeds, AL. Almost got run over by a big Yellow Freight truck that weaved out of his lane. Not that I really have a lane. Alabama highways aren't known for their "bike-friendly" highways and byways. Was pretty tired, met up with Ken & Kerry Brasher who live out that way. We had a quick lunch, and I was on my way.
Cook Spring was 11 miles down Highway 78. Ah, the memories of Cook Springs... retreats and conferences. Actually, I don't remember Cook Springs at all, it was Shocco Springs I've stayed at a dozen times or more, but I'm not in Shocco, I'm in Cook. So, ah, the memories of Cook Springs.
Nine more miles later, its Pell City. Stopped at the gas station where Steph Leann broke down years ago. Ate some really bad, stale chicken fingers. This won't help my weight loss program.
Riverside is 7 miles down the road. The beauty of a bike tour... never even heard of Riverside until I passed through it on my 13-speed. Seems like a nice town. Don't stop.
Eastaboga. Yes, there is a town called Eastaboga. The first time I heard the name, it sounds like one of those fictional town names you make up when describing a place that's way out in the middle of nowhere. "Yeah, I had to park my car in freakin' Eastaboga!" Its probably not too far from EBF.
Sign says Oxford, 11.2 miles. Looks like I'll get there by tomorrow.
How soon will Dave be in Atlanta? And who will he get to see? Tune in Monday on the next episode of "Dave's Virtual Bike Tour"
Monday, July 16, 2007
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
The Americans Who Risked Everything
Because I love this country so much, I thought this would be a good read if you're willing to commit the 15 minutes...
"Our Lives, Our Fortune, Our Sacred Honor"
It was a glorious morning. The sun was shining and the wind was from the southeast. Up especially early, a tall bony, redheaded young Virginian found time to buy a new thermometer, for which he paid three pounds, fifteen shillings. He also bought gloves for Martha, his wife, who was ill at home.
Thomas Jefferson arrived early at the statehouse. The temperature was 72.5 degrees and the horseflies weren't nearly so bad at that hour. It was a lovely room, very large, with gleaming white walls. The chairs were comfortable. Facing the single door were two brass fireplaces, but they would not be used today.
The moment the door was shut, and it was always kept locked, the room became an oven. The tall windows were shut, so that loud quarreling voices could not be heard by passersby. Small openings atop the windows allowed a slight stir of air, and also a large number of horseflies. Jefferson records that "the horseflies were dexterous in finding necks, and the silk of stockings was nothing to them." All discussing was punctuated by the slap of hands on necks.
On the wall at the back, facing the president's desk, was a panoply -- consisting of a drum, swords, and banners seized from Fort Ticonderoga the previous year. Ethan Allen and Benedict Arnold had captured the place, shouting that they were taking it "in the name of the Great Jehovah and the Continental Congress!"
Now Congress got to work, promptly taking up an emergency measure about which there was discussion but no dissension. "Resolved: That an application be made to the Committee of Safety of Pennsylvania for a supply of flints for the troops at New York.
"Then Congress transformed itself into a committee of the whole. The Declaration of Independence was read aloud once more, and debate resumed. Though Jefferson was the best writer of all of them, he had been somewhat verbose. Congress hacked the excess away. They did a good job, as a side-by-side comparison of the rough draft and the final text shows. They cut the phrase "by a self-assumed power." "Climb" was replaced by "must read," then "must" was eliminated, then the whole sentence, and soon the whole paragraph was cut. Jefferson groaned as they continued what he later called "their depredations." "Inherent and inalienable rights" came out "certain unalienable rights," and to this day no one knows who suggested the elegant change.
A total of 86 alterations were made. Almost 500 words were eliminated, leaving 1,337. At last, after three days of wrangling, the document was put to a vote.
Here in this hall Patrick Henry had once thundered: "I am no longer a Virginian, sir, but an American." But today the loud, sometimes bitter argument stilled, and without fanfare the vote was taken from north to south by colonies, as was the custom. On July 4, 1776, the Declaration of Independence was adopted.
There were no trumpets blown. No one stood on his chair and cheered. The afternoon was waning and Congress had no thought of delaying the full calendar of routine business on its hands. For several hours they worked on many other problems before adjourning for the day.
"Much To Lose"
What kind of men were the 56 signers who adopted the Declaration of Independence and who, by their signing, committed an act of treason against the crown? To each of you, the names Franklin, Adams, Hancock and Jefferson are almost as familiar as household words. Most of us, however, know nothing of the other signers. Who were they? What happened to them?
I imagine that many of you are somewhat surprised at the names not there: George Washington, Alexander Hamilton, Patrick Henry. All were elsewhere.
Ben Franklin was the only really old man. Eighteen were under 40; three were in their 20s. Of the 56 almost half - 24 - were judges and lawyers. Eleven were merchants, nine were landowners and farmers, and the remaining 12 were doctors, ministers, and politicians.
With only a few exceptions, such as Samuel Adams of Massachusetts, these were men of substantial property. All but two had families. The vast majority were men of education and standing in their communities. They had economic security as few men had in the 18th Century.
Each had more to lose from revolution than he had to gain by it. John Hancock, one of the richest men in America, already had a price of 500 pounds on his head. He signed in enormous letters so that his Majesty could now read his name without glasses and could now double the reward. Ben Franklin wryly noted: "Indeed we must all hang together, otherwise we shall most assuredly hang separately."
Fat Benjamin Harrison of Virginia told tiny Elbridge Gerry of Massachusetts: "With me it will all be over in a minute, but you, you will be dancing on air an hour after I am gone." These men knew what they risked. The penalty for treason was death by hanging. And remember, a great British fleet was already at anchor in New York Harbor.
They were sober men. There were no dreamy-eyed intellectuals or draft card burners here. They were far from hot-eyed fanatics yammering for an explosion. They simply asked for the status quo. It was change they resisted. It was equality with the mother country they desired. It was taxation with representation they sought. They were all conservatives, yet they rebelled.
It was principle, not property, that had brought these men to Philadelphia. Two of them became presidents of the United States. Seven of them became state governors. One died in office as vice president of the United States. Several would go on to be U.S. Senators. One, the richest man in America, in 1828 founded the Baltimore and Ohio Railroad. One, a delegate from Philadelphia, was the only real poet, musician and philosopher of the signers. (It was he, Francis Hopkinson not Betsy Ross who designed the United States flag.)
Richard Henry Lee, a delegate from Virginia, had introduced the resolution to adopt the Declaration of Independence in June of 1776. He was prophetic in his concluding remarks: "Why then sir, why do we longer delay? Why still deliberate? Let this happy day give birth to an American Republic. Let her arise not to devastate and to conquer but to reestablish the reign of peace and law.
The eyes of Europe are fixed upon us. She demands of us a living example of freedom that may exhibit a contrast in the felicity of the citizen to the ever-increasing tyranny which desolates her polluted shores. She invites us to prepare an asylum where the unhappy may find solace, and the persecuted repost.
"If we are not this day wanting in our duty, the names of the American Legislatures of 1776 will be placed by posterity at the side of all of those whose memory has been and ever will be dear to virtuous men and good citizens."
Though the resolution was formally adopted July 4, it was not until July 8 that two of the states authorized their delegates to sign, and it was not until August 2 that the signers met at Philadelphia to actually put their names to the Declaration.
William Ellery, delegate from Rhode Island, was curious to see the signers' faces as they committed this supreme act of personal courage. He saw some men sign quickly, "but in no face was he able to discern real fear." Stephan Hopkins, Ellery's colleague from Rhode Island, was a man past 60. As he signed with a shaking pen, he declared: "My hand trembles, but my heart does not."
"Most Glorious Service"
Even before the list was published, the British marked down every member of Congress suspected of having put his name to treason. All of them became the objects of vicious manhunts. Some were taken. Some, like Jefferson, had narrow escapes. All who had property or families near British strongholds suffered.
· Francis Lewis, New York delegate saw his home plundered -- and his estates in what is now Harlem -- completely destroyed by British Soldiers. Mrs. Lewis was captured and treated with great brutality. Though she was later exchanged for two British prisoners through the efforts of Congress, she died from the effects of her abuse.
· William Floyd, another New York delegate, was able to escape with his wife and children across Long Island Sound to Connecticut, where they lived as refugees without income for seven years. When they came home they found a devastated ruin.
· Philips Livingstone had all his great holdings in New York confiscated and his family driven out of their home. Livingstone died in 1778 still working in Congress for the cause. · Louis Morris, the fourth New York delegate, saw all his timber, crops, and livestock taken. For seven years he was barred from his home and family.
· John Hart of Trenton, New Jersey, risked his life to return home to see his dying wife. Hessian soldiers rode after him, and he escaped in the woods. While his wife lay on her deathbed, the soldiers ruined his farm and wrecked his homestead. Hart, 65, slept in caves and woods as he was hunted across the countryside. When at long last, emaciated by hardship, he was able to sneak home, he found his wife had already been buried, and his 13 children taken away. He never saw them again. He died a broken man in 1779, without ever finding his family.
· Dr. John Witherspoon, signer, was president of the College of New Jersey, later called Princeton. The British occupied the town of Princeton, and billeted troops in the college. They trampled and burned the finest college library in the country.
· Judge Richard Stockton, another New Jersey delegate signer, had rushed back to his estate in an effort to evacuate his wife and children. The family found refuge with friends, but a Tory sympathizer betrayed them. Judge Stockton was pulled from bed in the night and brutally beaten by the arresting soldiers. Thrown into a common jail, he was deliberately starved. Congress finally arranged for Stockton's parole, but his health was ruined. The judge was released as an invalid, when he could no longer harm the British cause. He returned home to find his estate looted and did not live to see the triumph of the Revolution. His family was forced to live off charity.
· Robert Morris, merchant prince of Philadelphia, delegate and signer, met Washington's appeals and pleas for money year after year. He made and raised arms and provisions which made it possible for Washington to cross the Delaware at Trenton. In the process he lost 150 ships at sea, bleeding his own fortune and credit almost dry.
· George Clymer, Pennsylvania signer, escaped with his family from their home, but their property was completely destroyed by the British in the Germantown and Brandywine campaigns.
· Dr. Benjamin Rush, also from Pennsylvania, was forced to flee to Maryland. As a heroic surgeon with the army, Rush had several narrow escapes.
· John Martin, a Tory in his views previous to the debate, lived in a strongly loyalist area of Pennsylvania. When he came out for independence, most of his neighbors and even some of his relatives ostracized him. He was a sensitive and troubled man, and many believed this action killed him. When he died in 1777, his last words to his tormentors were: "Tell them that they will live to see the hour when they shall acknowledge it [the signing] to have been the most glorious service that I have ever rendered to my country."
· William Ellery, Rhode Island delegate, saw his property and home burned to the ground.
· Thomas Lynch, Jr., South Carolina delegate, had his health broken from privation and exposures while serving as a company commander in the military. His doctors ordered him to seek a cure in the West Indies and on the voyage, he and his young bride were drowned at sea.
The Bennington Flag of the Vermont Militia
· Edward Rutledge, Arthur Middleton, and Thomas Heyward, Jr., the other three South Carolina signers, were taken by the British in the siege of Charleston. They were carried as prisoners of war to St. Augustine, Florida, where they were singled out for indignities. They were exchanged at the end of the war, the British in the meantime having completely devastated their large landholdings and estates.
· Thomas Nelson, signer of Virginia, was at the front in command of the Virginia military forces. With British General Charles Cornwallis in Yorktown, fire from 70 heavy American guns began to destroy Yorktown piece by piece. Lord Cornwallis and his staff moved their headquarters into Nelson's palatial home. While American cannonballs were making a shambles of the town, the house of Governor Nelson remained untouched. Nelson turned in rage to the American gunners and asked, "Why do you spare my home?" They replied, "Sir, out of respect to you." Nelson cried, "Give me the cannon!" and fired on his magnificent home himself, smashing it to bits. But Nelson's sacrifice was not quite over. He had raised $2 million for the Revolutionary cause by pledging his own estates. When the loans came due, a newer peacetime Congress refused to honor them, and Nelson's property was forfeited. He was never reimbursed. He died, impoverished, a few years later at the age of 50.
"Lives, Fortunes, Honor"
Of those 56 who signed the Declaration of Independence, nine died of wounds or hardships during the war. Five were captured and imprisoned, in each case with brutal treatment. Several lost wives, sons or entire families. One lost his 13 children. Two wives were brutally treated. All were at one time or another the victims of manhunts and driven from their homes. Twelve signers had their homes completely burned. Seventeen lost everything they owned. Yet not one defected or went back on his pledged word. Their honor, and the nation they sacrificed so much to create is still intact.
And, finally, there is the New Jersey signer, Abraham Clark.
He gave two sons to the officer corps in the Revolutionary Army. They were captured and sent to that infamous British prison hulk afloat in New York Harbor known as the hell ship Jersey, where 11,000 American captives were to die. The younger Clarks were treated with a special brutality because of their father. One was put in solitary and given no food. With the end almost in sight, with the war almost won, no one could have blamed Abraham Clark for acceding to the British request when they offered him his sons' lives if he would recant and come out for the King and Parliament. The utter despair in this man's heart, the anguish in his very soul, must reach out to each one of us down through 200 years with his answer: "No."
The 56 signers of the Declaration Of Independence proved by their every deed that they made no idle boast when they composed the most magnificent curtain line in history. "And for the support of this Declaration with a firm reliance on the protection of divine providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor."
--Rush H. Limbaugh, Jr., father of talk show host Rush Limbaugh
ps... if you've never read David McCollough's "1776", get it. Its an amazing account of a revolution that was filled with mistakes, cursed with bad luck and led by a man that only years later was recognized as being great.
"Our Lives, Our Fortune, Our Sacred Honor"
It was a glorious morning. The sun was shining and the wind was from the southeast. Up especially early, a tall bony, redheaded young Virginian found time to buy a new thermometer, for which he paid three pounds, fifteen shillings. He also bought gloves for Martha, his wife, who was ill at home.
Thomas Jefferson arrived early at the statehouse. The temperature was 72.5 degrees and the horseflies weren't nearly so bad at that hour. It was a lovely room, very large, with gleaming white walls. The chairs were comfortable. Facing the single door were two brass fireplaces, but they would not be used today.
The moment the door was shut, and it was always kept locked, the room became an oven. The tall windows were shut, so that loud quarreling voices could not be heard by passersby. Small openings atop the windows allowed a slight stir of air, and also a large number of horseflies. Jefferson records that "the horseflies were dexterous in finding necks, and the silk of stockings was nothing to them." All discussing was punctuated by the slap of hands on necks.
On the wall at the back, facing the president's desk, was a panoply -- consisting of a drum, swords, and banners seized from Fort Ticonderoga the previous year. Ethan Allen and Benedict Arnold had captured the place, shouting that they were taking it "in the name of the Great Jehovah and the Continental Congress!"
Now Congress got to work, promptly taking up an emergency measure about which there was discussion but no dissension. "Resolved: That an application be made to the Committee of Safety of Pennsylvania for a supply of flints for the troops at New York.
"Then Congress transformed itself into a committee of the whole. The Declaration of Independence was read aloud once more, and debate resumed. Though Jefferson was the best writer of all of them, he had been somewhat verbose. Congress hacked the excess away. They did a good job, as a side-by-side comparison of the rough draft and the final text shows. They cut the phrase "by a self-assumed power." "Climb" was replaced by "must read," then "must" was eliminated, then the whole sentence, and soon the whole paragraph was cut. Jefferson groaned as they continued what he later called "their depredations." "Inherent and inalienable rights" came out "certain unalienable rights," and to this day no one knows who suggested the elegant change.
A total of 86 alterations were made. Almost 500 words were eliminated, leaving 1,337. At last, after three days of wrangling, the document was put to a vote.
Here in this hall Patrick Henry had once thundered: "I am no longer a Virginian, sir, but an American." But today the loud, sometimes bitter argument stilled, and without fanfare the vote was taken from north to south by colonies, as was the custom. On July 4, 1776, the Declaration of Independence was adopted.
There were no trumpets blown. No one stood on his chair and cheered. The afternoon was waning and Congress had no thought of delaying the full calendar of routine business on its hands. For several hours they worked on many other problems before adjourning for the day.
"Much To Lose"
What kind of men were the 56 signers who adopted the Declaration of Independence and who, by their signing, committed an act of treason against the crown? To each of you, the names Franklin, Adams, Hancock and Jefferson are almost as familiar as household words. Most of us, however, know nothing of the other signers. Who were they? What happened to them?
I imagine that many of you are somewhat surprised at the names not there: George Washington, Alexander Hamilton, Patrick Henry. All were elsewhere.
Ben Franklin was the only really old man. Eighteen were under 40; three were in their 20s. Of the 56 almost half - 24 - were judges and lawyers. Eleven were merchants, nine were landowners and farmers, and the remaining 12 were doctors, ministers, and politicians.
With only a few exceptions, such as Samuel Adams of Massachusetts, these were men of substantial property. All but two had families. The vast majority were men of education and standing in their communities. They had economic security as few men had in the 18th Century.
Each had more to lose from revolution than he had to gain by it. John Hancock, one of the richest men in America, already had a price of 500 pounds on his head. He signed in enormous letters so that his Majesty could now read his name without glasses and could now double the reward. Ben Franklin wryly noted: "Indeed we must all hang together, otherwise we shall most assuredly hang separately."
Fat Benjamin Harrison of Virginia told tiny Elbridge Gerry of Massachusetts: "With me it will all be over in a minute, but you, you will be dancing on air an hour after I am gone." These men knew what they risked. The penalty for treason was death by hanging. And remember, a great British fleet was already at anchor in New York Harbor.
They were sober men. There were no dreamy-eyed intellectuals or draft card burners here. They were far from hot-eyed fanatics yammering for an explosion. They simply asked for the status quo. It was change they resisted. It was equality with the mother country they desired. It was taxation with representation they sought. They were all conservatives, yet they rebelled.
It was principle, not property, that had brought these men to Philadelphia. Two of them became presidents of the United States. Seven of them became state governors. One died in office as vice president of the United States. Several would go on to be U.S. Senators. One, the richest man in America, in 1828 founded the Baltimore and Ohio Railroad. One, a delegate from Philadelphia, was the only real poet, musician and philosopher of the signers. (It was he, Francis Hopkinson not Betsy Ross who designed the United States flag.)
Richard Henry Lee, a delegate from Virginia, had introduced the resolution to adopt the Declaration of Independence in June of 1776. He was prophetic in his concluding remarks: "Why then sir, why do we longer delay? Why still deliberate? Let this happy day give birth to an American Republic. Let her arise not to devastate and to conquer but to reestablish the reign of peace and law.
The eyes of Europe are fixed upon us. She demands of us a living example of freedom that may exhibit a contrast in the felicity of the citizen to the ever-increasing tyranny which desolates her polluted shores. She invites us to prepare an asylum where the unhappy may find solace, and the persecuted repost.
"If we are not this day wanting in our duty, the names of the American Legislatures of 1776 will be placed by posterity at the side of all of those whose memory has been and ever will be dear to virtuous men and good citizens."
Though the resolution was formally adopted July 4, it was not until July 8 that two of the states authorized their delegates to sign, and it was not until August 2 that the signers met at Philadelphia to actually put their names to the Declaration.
William Ellery, delegate from Rhode Island, was curious to see the signers' faces as they committed this supreme act of personal courage. He saw some men sign quickly, "but in no face was he able to discern real fear." Stephan Hopkins, Ellery's colleague from Rhode Island, was a man past 60. As he signed with a shaking pen, he declared: "My hand trembles, but my heart does not."
"Most Glorious Service"
Even before the list was published, the British marked down every member of Congress suspected of having put his name to treason. All of them became the objects of vicious manhunts. Some were taken. Some, like Jefferson, had narrow escapes. All who had property or families near British strongholds suffered.
· Francis Lewis, New York delegate saw his home plundered -- and his estates in what is now Harlem -- completely destroyed by British Soldiers. Mrs. Lewis was captured and treated with great brutality. Though she was later exchanged for two British prisoners through the efforts of Congress, she died from the effects of her abuse.
· William Floyd, another New York delegate, was able to escape with his wife and children across Long Island Sound to Connecticut, where they lived as refugees without income for seven years. When they came home they found a devastated ruin.
· Philips Livingstone had all his great holdings in New York confiscated and his family driven out of their home. Livingstone died in 1778 still working in Congress for the cause. · Louis Morris, the fourth New York delegate, saw all his timber, crops, and livestock taken. For seven years he was barred from his home and family.
· John Hart of Trenton, New Jersey, risked his life to return home to see his dying wife. Hessian soldiers rode after him, and he escaped in the woods. While his wife lay on her deathbed, the soldiers ruined his farm and wrecked his homestead. Hart, 65, slept in caves and woods as he was hunted across the countryside. When at long last, emaciated by hardship, he was able to sneak home, he found his wife had already been buried, and his 13 children taken away. He never saw them again. He died a broken man in 1779, without ever finding his family.
· Dr. John Witherspoon, signer, was president of the College of New Jersey, later called Princeton. The British occupied the town of Princeton, and billeted troops in the college. They trampled and burned the finest college library in the country.
· Judge Richard Stockton, another New Jersey delegate signer, had rushed back to his estate in an effort to evacuate his wife and children. The family found refuge with friends, but a Tory sympathizer betrayed them. Judge Stockton was pulled from bed in the night and brutally beaten by the arresting soldiers. Thrown into a common jail, he was deliberately starved. Congress finally arranged for Stockton's parole, but his health was ruined. The judge was released as an invalid, when he could no longer harm the British cause. He returned home to find his estate looted and did not live to see the triumph of the Revolution. His family was forced to live off charity.
· Robert Morris, merchant prince of Philadelphia, delegate and signer, met Washington's appeals and pleas for money year after year. He made and raised arms and provisions which made it possible for Washington to cross the Delaware at Trenton. In the process he lost 150 ships at sea, bleeding his own fortune and credit almost dry.
· George Clymer, Pennsylvania signer, escaped with his family from their home, but their property was completely destroyed by the British in the Germantown and Brandywine campaigns.
· Dr. Benjamin Rush, also from Pennsylvania, was forced to flee to Maryland. As a heroic surgeon with the army, Rush had several narrow escapes.
· John Martin, a Tory in his views previous to the debate, lived in a strongly loyalist area of Pennsylvania. When he came out for independence, most of his neighbors and even some of his relatives ostracized him. He was a sensitive and troubled man, and many believed this action killed him. When he died in 1777, his last words to his tormentors were: "Tell them that they will live to see the hour when they shall acknowledge it [the signing] to have been the most glorious service that I have ever rendered to my country."
· William Ellery, Rhode Island delegate, saw his property and home burned to the ground.
· Thomas Lynch, Jr., South Carolina delegate, had his health broken from privation and exposures while serving as a company commander in the military. His doctors ordered him to seek a cure in the West Indies and on the voyage, he and his young bride were drowned at sea.
The Bennington Flag of the Vermont Militia
· Edward Rutledge, Arthur Middleton, and Thomas Heyward, Jr., the other three South Carolina signers, were taken by the British in the siege of Charleston. They were carried as prisoners of war to St. Augustine, Florida, where they were singled out for indignities. They were exchanged at the end of the war, the British in the meantime having completely devastated their large landholdings and estates.
· Thomas Nelson, signer of Virginia, was at the front in command of the Virginia military forces. With British General Charles Cornwallis in Yorktown, fire from 70 heavy American guns began to destroy Yorktown piece by piece. Lord Cornwallis and his staff moved their headquarters into Nelson's palatial home. While American cannonballs were making a shambles of the town, the house of Governor Nelson remained untouched. Nelson turned in rage to the American gunners and asked, "Why do you spare my home?" They replied, "Sir, out of respect to you." Nelson cried, "Give me the cannon!" and fired on his magnificent home himself, smashing it to bits. But Nelson's sacrifice was not quite over. He had raised $2 million for the Revolutionary cause by pledging his own estates. When the loans came due, a newer peacetime Congress refused to honor them, and Nelson's property was forfeited. He was never reimbursed. He died, impoverished, a few years later at the age of 50.
"Lives, Fortunes, Honor"
Of those 56 who signed the Declaration of Independence, nine died of wounds or hardships during the war. Five were captured and imprisoned, in each case with brutal treatment. Several lost wives, sons or entire families. One lost his 13 children. Two wives were brutally treated. All were at one time or another the victims of manhunts and driven from their homes. Twelve signers had their homes completely burned. Seventeen lost everything they owned. Yet not one defected or went back on his pledged word. Their honor, and the nation they sacrificed so much to create is still intact.
And, finally, there is the New Jersey signer, Abraham Clark.
He gave two sons to the officer corps in the Revolutionary Army. They were captured and sent to that infamous British prison hulk afloat in New York Harbor known as the hell ship Jersey, where 11,000 American captives were to die. The younger Clarks were treated with a special brutality because of their father. One was put in solitary and given no food. With the end almost in sight, with the war almost won, no one could have blamed Abraham Clark for acceding to the British request when they offered him his sons' lives if he would recant and come out for the King and Parliament. The utter despair in this man's heart, the anguish in his very soul, must reach out to each one of us down through 200 years with his answer: "No."
The 56 signers of the Declaration Of Independence proved by their every deed that they made no idle boast when they composed the most magnificent curtain line in history. "And for the support of this Declaration with a firm reliance on the protection of divine providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor."
--Rush H. Limbaugh, Jr., father of talk show host Rush Limbaugh
ps... if you've never read David McCollough's "1776", get it. Its an amazing account of a revolution that was filled with mistakes, cursed with bad luck and led by a man that only years later was recognized as being great.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Taking Alabama Adventure For a Spin
As I sat in the little gold car, snuggled up next to the lovely Steph Leann, with only a small metal bar across our laps to protect us from centrifical forces, I closed my eyes. I closed my eyes to perhaps stop the spinning. The little gold car, with its metallic sheen and blinky lights, spun rapidly on it's base. The base itself was attached to an arm which led to a small hub, where three other arms spread out in opposite directions, all arms spinning, each with its own gold car attached. The bigger hub of four cars was attached to a giant arm, which led to the central hub, the big fancy thing in the middle, the big thing that itself was spinning, creating for me not just on immediate spin, but two others occurring at the same time.
And this was all on an incline.
On thought went through my mind... Toby Keith. Well, not Toby Keith himself, but a Toby Keith lyric....
"I ain't as good as I once was... and that's just the cold hard truth. I still throw a few back, talk a little smack, when I'm feeling bulletproof"
When the ride stopped, and the lovely Steph Leann and I slowly made our way off the platform and wobbled into the walkway, we decided that would be the last time we'd ride the Mind Spinder again. I looked at Steph Leann and grimaced "Wow... I'm not 20 anymore."
But that's okay, we were at the Park Formerly Known as Visionland, that being Alabama Adventure Amusement Park. That's right, it was Birmingham's own Miracle Strip. If you're standing in the welfare line, and you ask for Land O'Lakes butter, Kraft cheese and Six Flags, they had you gubmint butter, gubmint cheese and Alabama Adventure.
Sidebar: I cannot express to you how my heart sunk when I discovered a few years back that Miracle Strip Amusement Park was being torn down for a high rise condo (of which the deal, rumor has it, has fallen through). I grew up in Samson, right across the Florida line, about 70 minutes from Panama City, and Miracle Strip Park was a yearly destination. They had all the rides Alabama Adventure has, only fancier, and admission was cheaper, and darn if the Starliner Coaster wasn't one of the scariest coasters ever... not because it was built scary, but because it was so old, you knew one day it would collapse.
Miracle Strip has become Miracles Condos. I weep for the future.
In our yearly trip to the beach with the Campbell Family in 2004, I drove by in horror as some of the rides had been removed, weeds grew in the parking lot and a construction fence was surrounding the lot. It actually hurt me. RIP, Miracle Strip Park.
Steph Leann works for Southern Company, and they sometimes do "team building days" where everyone from a SoCo department gets together has lunch somewhere (in this case, Alabama Adventure) and has fun "team-building" exercises and games. Late in the afternoon, after everyone else has left the team building un, I drove out to meet Steph Leann for some Visio... er, Alabama Adventure fun!
For those of you unfamiliar with the park, its really set up like any other park... when you enter, you have several shops and snack bar areas on either side before you get to any rides. There are actually two parks--Magic City USA (named for Birmingham being "The Magic City") and Splash Beach, the water park next door. Our tickets actually included admission to both, and part of me wanted to visit the water park, but just not tonight.
Go down the steps at the end of "Celebration Street", where all the shops are, and you enter into the game area, where you can pay five dollars to toss a ball and miss for the chance to win an oversized Shrek that if you did win, you'd have to carry around all day.
The big thing happening tonight is the Summer Concert Series, which this summer features such superstars as Aly & AJ, Jesse McCartney, Darryl Worley and tonight, megastar Bo Bice. Bo is from Birmingham, so his audience is a bit bigger than usual. For my money, though, I'm ready to ride the two roller coasters, the Rampage and the Zoomerang.
We tackle the ferris wheel first (which I hate ferris wheels, so I won't be doing that again), then go to the Log Flume, a ride that seems to take, oh, about 9 seconds. Seriously, in a fiberglass log, you go up a big hill, drop about a foot, go around two small curves and then down a hill. A little water splashes and that's the ride.
We go up the hill to the big swings... like the ferris wheel, I hate the swings. Just can't do it. So I sit this one out... Steph Leann loves it, though, and I see her smiling as she rides.
Immediately after the Mind Spinder, we gather ourselves and decide to ride something a little less spinny, The Scrambler. It doesn't spin quite as much, but still, it spins. Perhaps too soon after the Mind Spinder. After the Scrambler, we figure to play through the pain and just knock out the spinny rides. The Himalaya.
I ain't as good as I once was, my how the years have flown, but there as time back in my prime when I could really hold me own...
If you've never been to a county fair or festival, or have never seen the Mind Spinder (or rides like it) or the Scrambler (which is the universal name for this--or should be), you will probably know The Himalaya. Its a bunch of cars crammed together in a big circle, and the whole things spins. You go up an incline and down an incline. Then, about two minutes later, the whole thing sping backwards. Haven't been on the Himalaya in a while, and this one was missing something... The Unintelligible DJ.
At county fairs and festivals, there is an Unintelligible DJ in a booth next to the ride, playing loud music like "Pour Some Sugar On Me" or "Sweet Emotion" really loudly. This time there was music playing, but I think it was an OutKast cd. Anyway, the DJ is talking, but perhaps due to the ride spinning or the DJ having biscuit dough crammed in his mouth, I dunno, but you can never understand a word he's saying... save for two words. "Go Backwards". That's the announcement that now the ride will in fact be reversing its course. Here's what you hear:
mmphmmph mpm pmmph mp mmp Go BACKWARDS!!
Miracle Strip called it the Muzik Express, and they had The Unitelligible DJ.
We had a chance to meet Bo Bice, because I knew a few people that worked there from working with them in a previous job, but Steph Leann and I stood there in the meet and greet tent and just stepped out of line. I mean, what do I say to Bo Bice? I don't own his CD, I am not planning on buying it, and that terrible song "The Real Thing" that came out last year doesn't make me a fan. I'm sure he's a nice guy and all, but we shrugged and headed for the coasters.
Steph Leann had ridden them both earlier, and it kinda gave her a headache, so I ventured solo onto the Zoomerang, a big metal coaster that resembled the late Viper in Six Flags Over Georgia.
I used to be hell on wheels back when I was a younger man. My body says "you can't do this boy" but my pride says "oh yes you can"
I have a firm belief that every coaster should be ridden in the front and back (NYC Jenni, insert your own joke here) so thats what I did. Front row, then climbed back in line and sat in the back seat. As coasters go, its not bad, but I can name several that are better than the Zoomerang. Someone liked it, though, as I passed by a triangular patch of hurl on the sidewalk on the way down. I was excited about the Rampage, though, as I've ridden it before--its a wooden coaster, and wooden coasters are awesome.
The reason I wanted to come to Visio... er, Alabama Adventures.
I've been on the Rampage before, a few years ago, riding it four or five times in a row, but I was excited to revisit the ride. The Travel Channel even listed it as one of the country's Top 10 wooden coasters, and its right here in Birmingham!!
Its never a good sign, however, to see four guys with harnesses and toolboxes walking up and down the tracks of the coaster. This led me to believe that I wouldn't be riding it tonight.
We hit the pirate ship and then the log ride again, battling swarms of gnats along the way, and decided it was time to get going. I missed The Rampage, though.
It's probably a good thing. After multiple spinny rides, and too many twists and turns when all I'd eaten was some soft serve ice cream and some of Steph Leann's funnel cake, I was about done. Heck, when climbing out of the back seat of the Zoomerang, the chick asked me if I wanted to ride it again. I politely declined. After all...
I ain't as good as I once was... I gotta few years on me now... but there was a time back in my prime when I could really lay it down...
And this was all on an incline.
On thought went through my mind... Toby Keith. Well, not Toby Keith himself, but a Toby Keith lyric....
"I ain't as good as I once was... and that's just the cold hard truth. I still throw a few back, talk a little smack, when I'm feeling bulletproof"
When the ride stopped, and the lovely Steph Leann and I slowly made our way off the platform and wobbled into the walkway, we decided that would be the last time we'd ride the Mind Spinder again. I looked at Steph Leann and grimaced "Wow... I'm not 20 anymore."
But that's okay, we were at the Park Formerly Known as Visionland, that being Alabama Adventure Amusement Park. That's right, it was Birmingham's own Miracle Strip. If you're standing in the welfare line, and you ask for Land O'Lakes butter, Kraft cheese and Six Flags, they had you gubmint butter, gubmint cheese and Alabama Adventure.
Sidebar: I cannot express to you how my heart sunk when I discovered a few years back that Miracle Strip Amusement Park was being torn down for a high rise condo (of which the deal, rumor has it, has fallen through). I grew up in Samson, right across the Florida line, about 70 minutes from Panama City, and Miracle Strip Park was a yearly destination. They had all the rides Alabama Adventure has, only fancier, and admission was cheaper, and darn if the Starliner Coaster wasn't one of the scariest coasters ever... not because it was built scary, but because it was so old, you knew one day it would collapse.
Miracle Strip has become Miracles Condos. I weep for the future.
In our yearly trip to the beach with the Campbell Family in 2004, I drove by in horror as some of the rides had been removed, weeds grew in the parking lot and a construction fence was surrounding the lot. It actually hurt me. RIP, Miracle Strip Park.
Steph Leann works for Southern Company, and they sometimes do "team building days" where everyone from a SoCo department gets together has lunch somewhere (in this case, Alabama Adventure) and has fun "team-building" exercises and games. Late in the afternoon, after everyone else has left the team building un, I drove out to meet Steph Leann for some Visio... er, Alabama Adventure fun!
For those of you unfamiliar with the park, its really set up like any other park... when you enter, you have several shops and snack bar areas on either side before you get to any rides. There are actually two parks--Magic City USA (named for Birmingham being "The Magic City") and Splash Beach, the water park next door. Our tickets actually included admission to both, and part of me wanted to visit the water park, but just not tonight.
Go down the steps at the end of "Celebration Street", where all the shops are, and you enter into the game area, where you can pay five dollars to toss a ball and miss for the chance to win an oversized Shrek that if you did win, you'd have to carry around all day.
The big thing happening tonight is the Summer Concert Series, which this summer features such superstars as Aly & AJ, Jesse McCartney, Darryl Worley and tonight, megastar Bo Bice. Bo is from Birmingham, so his audience is a bit bigger than usual. For my money, though, I'm ready to ride the two roller coasters, the Rampage and the Zoomerang.
We tackle the ferris wheel first (which I hate ferris wheels, so I won't be doing that again), then go to the Log Flume, a ride that seems to take, oh, about 9 seconds. Seriously, in a fiberglass log, you go up a big hill, drop about a foot, go around two small curves and then down a hill. A little water splashes and that's the ride.
We go up the hill to the big swings... like the ferris wheel, I hate the swings. Just can't do it. So I sit this one out... Steph Leann loves it, though, and I see her smiling as she rides.
Immediately after the Mind Spinder, we gather ourselves and decide to ride something a little less spinny, The Scrambler. It doesn't spin quite as much, but still, it spins. Perhaps too soon after the Mind Spinder. After the Scrambler, we figure to play through the pain and just knock out the spinny rides. The Himalaya.
I ain't as good as I once was, my how the years have flown, but there as time back in my prime when I could really hold me own...
If you've never been to a county fair or festival, or have never seen the Mind Spinder (or rides like it) or the Scrambler (which is the universal name for this--or should be), you will probably know The Himalaya. Its a bunch of cars crammed together in a big circle, and the whole things spins. You go up an incline and down an incline. Then, about two minutes later, the whole thing sping backwards. Haven't been on the Himalaya in a while, and this one was missing something... The Unintelligible DJ.
At county fairs and festivals, there is an Unintelligible DJ in a booth next to the ride, playing loud music like "Pour Some Sugar On Me" or "Sweet Emotion" really loudly. This time there was music playing, but I think it was an OutKast cd. Anyway, the DJ is talking, but perhaps due to the ride spinning or the DJ having biscuit dough crammed in his mouth, I dunno, but you can never understand a word he's saying... save for two words. "Go Backwards". That's the announcement that now the ride will in fact be reversing its course. Here's what you hear:
mmphmmph mpm pmmph mp mmp Go BACKWARDS!!
Miracle Strip called it the Muzik Express, and they had The Unitelligible DJ.
We had a chance to meet Bo Bice, because I knew a few people that worked there from working with them in a previous job, but Steph Leann and I stood there in the meet and greet tent and just stepped out of line. I mean, what do I say to Bo Bice? I don't own his CD, I am not planning on buying it, and that terrible song "The Real Thing" that came out last year doesn't make me a fan. I'm sure he's a nice guy and all, but we shrugged and headed for the coasters.
Steph Leann had ridden them both earlier, and it kinda gave her a headache, so I ventured solo onto the Zoomerang, a big metal coaster that resembled the late Viper in Six Flags Over Georgia.
I used to be hell on wheels back when I was a younger man. My body says "you can't do this boy" but my pride says "oh yes you can"
I have a firm belief that every coaster should be ridden in the front and back (NYC Jenni, insert your own joke here) so thats what I did. Front row, then climbed back in line and sat in the back seat. As coasters go, its not bad, but I can name several that are better than the Zoomerang. Someone liked it, though, as I passed by a triangular patch of hurl on the sidewalk on the way down. I was excited about the Rampage, though, as I've ridden it before--its a wooden coaster, and wooden coasters are awesome.
The reason I wanted to come to Visio... er, Alabama Adventures.
I've been on the Rampage before, a few years ago, riding it four or five times in a row, but I was excited to revisit the ride. The Travel Channel even listed it as one of the country's Top 10 wooden coasters, and its right here in Birmingham!!
Its never a good sign, however, to see four guys with harnesses and toolboxes walking up and down the tracks of the coaster. This led me to believe that I wouldn't be riding it tonight.
We hit the pirate ship and then the log ride again, battling swarms of gnats along the way, and decided it was time to get going. I missed The Rampage, though.
It's probably a good thing. After multiple spinny rides, and too many twists and turns when all I'd eaten was some soft serve ice cream and some of Steph Leann's funnel cake, I was about done. Heck, when climbing out of the back seat of the Zoomerang, the chick asked me if I wanted to ride it again. I politely declined. After all...
I ain't as good as I once was... I gotta few years on me now... but there was a time back in my prime when I could really lay it down...
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Chris Benoit? What the...?
My top ten favorite wrestlers/tag teams of the last forever...
10... The British Bulldog, Davey Boy Smith
9... Jake "The Snake" Roberts
8... Demolition
7... Chris Benoit
6... "The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase
5... John Cena
4... Degeneration X (Triple H & Shawn Michaels)
3... Rowdy Roddy Piper
2... Sting
1... Bret "The Hitman" Hart
I've been a wrestling fan for twenty three years, back when Andre the Giant and Hulk Hogan was in their heyday, back when Hulk Hogan's "Rock & Wrestling" was on Saturday morning cartoons lineup.
I watched all through the years, back when USA featured WWF's Primetime Wrestling, hosted
by Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, not with live shows but with taped matches around the country. Then I watched the rise of the NWA, as it turned into the WCW on the back of Sting and Ric Flair's Four Horseman, and all through the 90s, I bore witness to the WWF vs WCW Monday Night War...
WWF lost the lawsuit to the World Wildlife Foundation for the WWF acronym, then changed its name to the WWE, and all the while, I enjoyed this silly man-opera, scripted, as they officially declared their "sport" as "sports entertainment".
And usually, I get to watch WWE Raw on Monday nights, featuring my current favorites John Cena and Randy Orton and Triple H and Shawn Michaels and, until this weekend, Chris Benoit (ben-WAH).
In the history of wrestling, there is an alarming number of former stars that aren't here anymore... this list is disturbing because I recognize alot of these names (and didn't know some were dead)... but none is more disturbing than Chris Benoit.
Came home from work last night around 930, turned on the last half of Raw, expecting to see more of the current goofy storyline featuring "the death" of Chairman Vince McMahon, only to see footage from the Wrestlemania XX match with HHH, Shawn Michaels and Benoit. I watch a little while longer, confused, as I check my email and the news online... then I see something about Chris Benoit's death.
During Raw, weekly announcers Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler appear, in an empty arena, both somber, both speaking softly, with Lawler actually looking like he's going to cry. And then they drop the bombshell... Benoit, his wife Nancy and his 7 year old son Daniel were dead.
To the 'net I go, finding out that Benoit had not shown up to this past weekend's big event, WWE Vengeance, due to "personal reasons". Early Monday, the Benoit family was found dead their Atlanta home. And on my way home today, I heard what I pretty already knew... Benoit killed his family, then himself.
The details are simply... well, not "simply", there is no "simply" here... he strangled his wife on Friday night, smothered his son on Saturday, laying a Bible by both bodies, and then sometime early Sunday, he hung himself using pulley cables from his free weight machines. Authorities found steroid medication at the home.
First of all... Benoit? WTF? If I were a cursing man, I'd spell that out, but for now, WTF? I checked the WWE website today for any more updates, and all the video montages, all the wrestler voices and comments and affections, all gone. The WWE store took all Benoit merch out, and they even took his name off the WrestleMania XX dvd, even though he was one of the headliners.
Even if it was a Roid Rage event, I can't imagine someone taking enough juice to take out his wife and kids... in one moment of rage, maybe, but over three days? It could have been steroid rage, or it could have been another issue, or a combo of both. His wife was bound and gagged, an act of deliberation. Truth is, I don't know, and it sucks. This guy was a magnificent wrestler, he was a technical wrestler to a tee, and was a great athlete, even at 40.
This is a huge, huge, huge blow to the WWE. For someone who only knows the name "Chris Benoit" from the news stories you've heard today, understand that Benoit was one of the top five to ten wrestlers in the WWE's entire company. With the departure of such celebrities of The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin, and the repeated injuries of Triple HHH and Shawn Michaels (who comprise one of the most popular teams in history, Degeneration X), the WWE was looking to leaders and veterans like Benoit to continue to train new talent and up and coming personalities.
Not to mention the perception of wrestling that you have. Trust me, long gone are the days that only two-teeth, wife beater wearing, beer guzzling rednecks named Clint and Brooks were fans... those guys still exist, but wrestling is BIG. I mean, really BIG. But now, the popular opinion that everyone in wrestling is a steroid monster will only be fueled by this, the latest death of dozens that is, at least indirectly, linked to the juice.
Eddie Guerrero's death in November 2005 was a big blow to the WWE. Eddie was much beloved by fans and by the league, and he was the poster child for where you can go when you give up the drug lifestyle. Clean for years, he died of heart failure, a heart weakened by his former years of steroid and drug usage.
Chris Benoit is a murderer, a disturbed man troubled by something we'll never fully know. And the WWE has to do what it can to distance itself from a guy they were set to push hard.
Benoit was rolling in dough. It wasn't as if he was a washed out has-been, hitting the bottle and needles, he was set for a huge push in part of the WWE (a push is when the writers--yes, the writers--set up a certain wrestler or personality for main events, success and feature him prominently in shows, "pushing" him to the forefront of the league). For whatever reason, Benoit decided that wasn't enough. And it was over, not just for him, but for his wife and son. No respect for you now, Benoit, none.
I guess when wrestlers are at the end of their rope, they do one of three things--they end it all, they find God, or they continue their fame somehow. My top ten above?
Some just keep being famous...
Bret Hart is a freakin' icon on par with Hulk Hogan
Triple HHH is recovering from a knee injury
Some found God...
Jake Roberts
Sting, who balked at a WWE contract when the WCW folded, despite being one of the most popular wrestlers in history, because the then-trashines of the league offended his faith
Ted DiBiase, who put me in the Million Dollar Hold once. It rocked.
Shawn Michaels, who is still famous, has a great autobiography out, charting his rise to fame and faith.
Lex Lugar, who was messed up like you wouldn't believe, even possibly being implicated in the death of Miss Elizabeth
And some ended it all... like Davey Boy Smith (painkillers and steroids), "Mr Perfect" Curt Hennig (cocaine and steroids), "Ravishing" Rick Rude (GHB and steroids), and now, Chris Benoit.
The difference is, when Smith, Rude and Hennig had enough, they were the only bodies at the scene.
10... The British Bulldog, Davey Boy Smith
9... Jake "The Snake" Roberts
8... Demolition
7... Chris Benoit
6... "The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase
5... John Cena
4... Degeneration X (Triple H & Shawn Michaels)
3... Rowdy Roddy Piper
2... Sting
1... Bret "The Hitman" Hart
I've been a wrestling fan for twenty three years, back when Andre the Giant and Hulk Hogan was in their heyday, back when Hulk Hogan's "Rock & Wrestling" was on Saturday morning cartoons lineup.
I watched all through the years, back when USA featured WWF's Primetime Wrestling, hosted
by Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, not with live shows but with taped matches around the country. Then I watched the rise of the NWA, as it turned into the WCW on the back of Sting and Ric Flair's Four Horseman, and all through the 90s, I bore witness to the WWF vs WCW Monday Night War...
WWF lost the lawsuit to the World Wildlife Foundation for the WWF acronym, then changed its name to the WWE, and all the while, I enjoyed this silly man-opera, scripted, as they officially declared their "sport" as "sports entertainment".
And usually, I get to watch WWE Raw on Monday nights, featuring my current favorites John Cena and Randy Orton and Triple H and Shawn Michaels and, until this weekend, Chris Benoit (ben-WAH).
In the history of wrestling, there is an alarming number of former stars that aren't here anymore... this list is disturbing because I recognize alot of these names (and didn't know some were dead)... but none is more disturbing than Chris Benoit.
Came home from work last night around 930, turned on the last half of Raw, expecting to see more of the current goofy storyline featuring "the death" of Chairman Vince McMahon, only to see footage from the Wrestlemania XX match with HHH, Shawn Michaels and Benoit. I watch a little while longer, confused, as I check my email and the news online... then I see something about Chris Benoit's death.
During Raw, weekly announcers Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler appear, in an empty arena, both somber, both speaking softly, with Lawler actually looking like he's going to cry. And then they drop the bombshell... Benoit, his wife Nancy and his 7 year old son Daniel were dead.
To the 'net I go, finding out that Benoit had not shown up to this past weekend's big event, WWE Vengeance, due to "personal reasons". Early Monday, the Benoit family was found dead their Atlanta home. And on my way home today, I heard what I pretty already knew... Benoit killed his family, then himself.
The details are simply... well, not "simply", there is no "simply" here... he strangled his wife on Friday night, smothered his son on Saturday, laying a Bible by both bodies, and then sometime early Sunday, he hung himself using pulley cables from his free weight machines. Authorities found steroid medication at the home.
First of all... Benoit? WTF? If I were a cursing man, I'd spell that out, but for now, WTF? I checked the WWE website today for any more updates, and all the video montages, all the wrestler voices and comments and affections, all gone. The WWE store took all Benoit merch out, and they even took his name off the WrestleMania XX dvd, even though he was one of the headliners.
Even if it was a Roid Rage event, I can't imagine someone taking enough juice to take out his wife and kids... in one moment of rage, maybe, but over three days? It could have been steroid rage, or it could have been another issue, or a combo of both. His wife was bound and gagged, an act of deliberation. Truth is, I don't know, and it sucks. This guy was a magnificent wrestler, he was a technical wrestler to a tee, and was a great athlete, even at 40.
This is a huge, huge, huge blow to the WWE. For someone who only knows the name "Chris Benoit" from the news stories you've heard today, understand that Benoit was one of the top five to ten wrestlers in the WWE's entire company. With the departure of such celebrities of The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin, and the repeated injuries of Triple HHH and Shawn Michaels (who comprise one of the most popular teams in history, Degeneration X), the WWE was looking to leaders and veterans like Benoit to continue to train new talent and up and coming personalities.
Not to mention the perception of wrestling that you have. Trust me, long gone are the days that only two-teeth, wife beater wearing, beer guzzling rednecks named Clint and Brooks were fans... those guys still exist, but wrestling is BIG. I mean, really BIG. But now, the popular opinion that everyone in wrestling is a steroid monster will only be fueled by this, the latest death of dozens that is, at least indirectly, linked to the juice.
Eddie Guerrero's death in November 2005 was a big blow to the WWE. Eddie was much beloved by fans and by the league, and he was the poster child for where you can go when you give up the drug lifestyle. Clean for years, he died of heart failure, a heart weakened by his former years of steroid and drug usage.
Chris Benoit is a murderer, a disturbed man troubled by something we'll never fully know. And the WWE has to do what it can to distance itself from a guy they were set to push hard.
Benoit was rolling in dough. It wasn't as if he was a washed out has-been, hitting the bottle and needles, he was set for a huge push in part of the WWE (a push is when the writers--yes, the writers--set up a certain wrestler or personality for main events, success and feature him prominently in shows, "pushing" him to the forefront of the league). For whatever reason, Benoit decided that wasn't enough. And it was over, not just for him, but for his wife and son. No respect for you now, Benoit, none.
I guess when wrestlers are at the end of their rope, they do one of three things--they end it all, they find God, or they continue their fame somehow. My top ten above?
Some just keep being famous...
Bret Hart is a freakin' icon on par with Hulk Hogan
Triple HHH is recovering from a knee injury
Some found God...
Jake Roberts
Sting, who balked at a WWE contract when the WCW folded, despite being one of the most popular wrestlers in history, because the then-trashines of the league offended his faith
Ted DiBiase, who put me in the Million Dollar Hold once. It rocked.
Shawn Michaels, who is still famous, has a great autobiography out, charting his rise to fame and faith.
Lex Lugar, who was messed up like you wouldn't believe, even possibly being implicated in the death of Miss Elizabeth
And some ended it all... like Davey Boy Smith (painkillers and steroids), "Mr Perfect" Curt Hennig (cocaine and steroids), "Ravishing" Rick Rude (GHB and steroids), and now, Chris Benoit.
The difference is, when Smith, Rude and Hennig had enough, they were the only bodies at the scene.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
My Favorite Movies (preface)
Okay... the challenge was to not only come up with a list of my favorite movies, but narrow it down to 100, and rank them top to bottom. One hundred movies, out of the thousands and thousands that I've seen.
Essentially, before I made my "nomination list", I ask myself two questions:
1) Can I watch this movie over and over? Can I see it again and again, and not tire of it, still find it funny, or still find it heartwarming, or at last have scenes in the movie that give chills or take my breath away?
2) When I pass by this movie as I'm flipping channels, do I stop? At least for a minute?
Now, because this list & ranking is in its early early stages, I still have much further to go. My plan is to ask some of you to comment on several of the movies (not yet, I'll let you know) and do a Vh1 mixed with an AFI Top 100 commentary. I know that my friends NYC Jenni, Paula Maddox, Scotty Latta, Matta Latta, Mikey Nipp, Wendi Deckermiller, K-Dub and several more could give great insight to movies they love.
So, here are the movies in contention for Dave's Top 100 Movies of All Time:
The Abyss, Adventures in Babysitting, Air Force One, Airplane!, Aladdin, Alien, Aliens, Almost Famous (the directors cut), American Graffiti, American Pie 2, The American President, An Affair to Remember, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burghundy, Apollo 13, The Aristocats, Armageddon, Back to School, Back to the Future, Beaches, Beauty & the Beast, Beavis & Butthead Do America, Beetle Juice, Big , The Big Chill, The Birds, Black Dog, The Bodyguard, Born in East LA, Bowfinger, Braveheart, Breakdown, Breakfast at Tiffany's, The Breakfast Club, Broken Arrow, A Bug's Life, Cars, Casablanca, Castaway, A Christmas Story, Christmas Vacation (National Lampoon's), City Hall, Cliffhanger, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Collateral, Coming to America, Con Air, Crimson Tide, Dave, Dazed & Confused, Deuce Bigalow, Die Hard, Die Hard 2: Die Harder, Die Hard with a Vengeance, Dirty Dancing, The Dirty Dozen, Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, Dogma, Dumb & Dumber, Election, Erin Brockovich, Ever After, Evolution, Face/Off, A Few Good Men, Fight Club, Finding Nemo, The Firm, A Fish Called Wanda, For Love of the Game, Forrest Gump, The Fugitive, Full Metal Jacket, Galaxy Quest, Get Shorty, Ghost, Ghostbusters, Gladiator, Glory, The Godfather, Gone in 60 Seconds, The Goonies, Grease, The Great Muppet Caper, The Green Mile, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, Gung Ho, Happy Gilmore, Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets, Heist, Hercules, High Fidelity, Hoosiers, The Incredibles, Independence Day, Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom & the Last Crusade, Inside Man, It Takes Two (starring Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen... no Chris Hansen hasn't visited my house, shut up), The Italian Job (the new one), Jaws, Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, The Jerk, Jerry Maguire, Jumanji, Jurassic Park, The Karate Kid, The King & I (the one with Yul Brenner being a pimp), The Last Boy Scout, The Last of the Mohicans (the one with Daniel-Day Lewis being a pimp), Legally Blond, Lethal Weapon 1, 2, 3 and 4, License to Drive (Corey Haim & Feldman's magnum opus), The Lion King, Lord of the Rings: Fellowship, Towers, King, The Lost Boys, Major League, The Man in the Moon (the Reese Witherspoon one), The Manhattan Project, The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, Mary Poppins, The Matrix, Maverick, Mean Girls, Meet Me in St. Louis, Men in Black, Midnight Run, Minority Report, Misery, Mission Impossible, Mo' Money, The Money Pit, Monster's Inc, The Muppet Movie, The Muppets Take Manhattan, My Best Friend's Wedding, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, My Cousin Vinnie, My Life, Mystery Men, National Treasure, Necessary Roughness, The Negotiator, New Jack City, The Night They Saved Christmas, North By Northwest, Notting Hill, Oceans 11 and 12, Office Space, One Crazy Summer, Out of Sight, Panic Room, The Paper, The Parent Trap (with Hayley, not Lindsey), Patriot Games, The Pelican Brief, Philadelphia, Philadelphia Story, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, Pleasantville, Point Blank, Poltergeist, Predator, Pretty Woman, Primal Fear, Primary Colors, The Princess Bride, The Princess Diaries, Psycho, Pulp Fiction, Pure Country, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Raising Arizona, Remember the Titans, Reservoir Dogs, Revenge of the Nerds, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, The Rock, Rocky I, II, III & IV (we know and accept that V never happened), Roman Holiday, Roxanne, Rudy, The Rundown, The Running Man, Ruthless People, Sabrina (the old one), Say Anything..., Scream, Scrooged, Se7en, Sea of Love, Sense & Sensibility (the lovely Steph Leann is raising her eyebrows, but yet, I really did like this movie a lot), The Shawshank Redemption, Short Circuit, Signs, The Silence of the Lambs, Singing in the Rain, Sixth Sense, Sleepless in Seattle, Snake Eyes, Soapdish, Spaceballs, Speed, Spiderman 2, Stand By Me, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, All six Star Wars episodes will be considered, State & Main, Steel Magnolias, Strictly Ballroom, Superman, Superman II, The Terminal, The Terminator, The Terminator 2: Judgment Day, There's Something About Mary, Three Kings, Titanic, To Kill a Mockingbird, Tombstone, Top Gun, Total Recall, Toy Story, Toy Story 2, Trading Places, Training Day, True Lies, The Truman Show, 12 Angry Men (the 1997 version), Twister, UHF, Unbreakable, United 93, The Usual Suspects, Wall Street, WarGames, The Waterboy, The Wedding Crashers, Wet Hot American Summer, When Harry Met Sally.., While You Were Sleeping, Witness, The Wizard of Oz, Working Girl, X-Men, X2: X-Men United and You've Got Mail.
All in all, 260 or so movies to think about, weed out and enjoy. I'm sure a few more will come to me (I just thought about Dumb & Dumber today, which is a movie I am pretty sure will be on the final list) and I'll add them as they do.
You might wonder where the classics are, like Network or Godfather II, or Apocalypse Now... well, I only listed movies I've seen at least twice, and I had to have seen them the first time last summer or before (which cuts out Knocked Up, 40 Year Old Virgin, The Holiday and a few other movies that have potential to really be a Dave Fave)... Steph Leann and I are going to try to catch up on some classics like Dr. Strangelove and 2001: A Space Odyssey this summer, and they may make the list in my five year revision, but this is only movies I've already seen and had a chance to really get to know and love.
You're comments, omissions and suggestions are welcome, nay, expected.
Essentially, before I made my "nomination list", I ask myself two questions:
1) Can I watch this movie over and over? Can I see it again and again, and not tire of it, still find it funny, or still find it heartwarming, or at last have scenes in the movie that give chills or take my breath away?
2) When I pass by this movie as I'm flipping channels, do I stop? At least for a minute?
Now, because this list & ranking is in its early early stages, I still have much further to go. My plan is to ask some of you to comment on several of the movies (not yet, I'll let you know) and do a Vh1 mixed with an AFI Top 100 commentary. I know that my friends NYC Jenni, Paula Maddox, Scotty Latta, Matta Latta, Mikey Nipp, Wendi Deckermiller, K-Dub and several more could give great insight to movies they love.
So, here are the movies in contention for Dave's Top 100 Movies of All Time:
The Abyss, Adventures in Babysitting, Air Force One, Airplane!, Aladdin, Alien, Aliens, Almost Famous (the directors cut), American Graffiti, American Pie 2, The American President, An Affair to Remember, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burghundy, Apollo 13, The Aristocats, Armageddon, Back to School, Back to the Future, Beaches, Beauty & the Beast, Beavis & Butthead Do America, Beetle Juice, Big , The Big Chill, The Birds, Black Dog, The Bodyguard, Born in East LA, Bowfinger, Braveheart, Breakdown, Breakfast at Tiffany's, The Breakfast Club, Broken Arrow, A Bug's Life, Cars, Casablanca, Castaway, A Christmas Story, Christmas Vacation (National Lampoon's), City Hall, Cliffhanger, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Collateral, Coming to America, Con Air, Crimson Tide, Dave, Dazed & Confused, Deuce Bigalow, Die Hard, Die Hard 2: Die Harder, Die Hard with a Vengeance, Dirty Dancing, The Dirty Dozen, Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, Dogma, Dumb & Dumber, Election, Erin Brockovich, Ever After, Evolution, Face/Off, A Few Good Men, Fight Club, Finding Nemo, The Firm, A Fish Called Wanda, For Love of the Game, Forrest Gump, The Fugitive, Full Metal Jacket, Galaxy Quest, Get Shorty, Ghost, Ghostbusters, Gladiator, Glory, The Godfather, Gone in 60 Seconds, The Goonies, Grease, The Great Muppet Caper, The Green Mile, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, Gung Ho, Happy Gilmore, Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets, Heist, Hercules, High Fidelity, Hoosiers, The Incredibles, Independence Day, Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom & the Last Crusade, Inside Man, It Takes Two (starring Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen... no Chris Hansen hasn't visited my house, shut up), The Italian Job (the new one), Jaws, Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, The Jerk, Jerry Maguire, Jumanji, Jurassic Park, The Karate Kid, The King & I (the one with Yul Brenner being a pimp), The Last Boy Scout, The Last of the Mohicans (the one with Daniel-Day Lewis being a pimp), Legally Blond, Lethal Weapon 1, 2, 3 and 4, License to Drive (Corey Haim & Feldman's magnum opus), The Lion King, Lord of the Rings: Fellowship, Towers, King, The Lost Boys, Major League, The Man in the Moon (the Reese Witherspoon one), The Manhattan Project, The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, Mary Poppins, The Matrix, Maverick, Mean Girls, Meet Me in St. Louis, Men in Black, Midnight Run, Minority Report, Misery, Mission Impossible, Mo' Money, The Money Pit, Monster's Inc, The Muppet Movie, The Muppets Take Manhattan, My Best Friend's Wedding, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, My Cousin Vinnie, My Life, Mystery Men, National Treasure, Necessary Roughness, The Negotiator, New Jack City, The Night They Saved Christmas, North By Northwest, Notting Hill, Oceans 11 and 12, Office Space, One Crazy Summer, Out of Sight, Panic Room, The Paper, The Parent Trap (with Hayley, not Lindsey), Patriot Games, The Pelican Brief, Philadelphia, Philadelphia Story, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, Pleasantville, Point Blank, Poltergeist, Predator, Pretty Woman, Primal Fear, Primary Colors, The Princess Bride, The Princess Diaries, Psycho, Pulp Fiction, Pure Country, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Raising Arizona, Remember the Titans, Reservoir Dogs, Revenge of the Nerds, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, The Rock, Rocky I, II, III & IV (we know and accept that V never happened), Roman Holiday, Roxanne, Rudy, The Rundown, The Running Man, Ruthless People, Sabrina (the old one), Say Anything..., Scream, Scrooged, Se7en, Sea of Love, Sense & Sensibility (the lovely Steph Leann is raising her eyebrows, but yet, I really did like this movie a lot), The Shawshank Redemption, Short Circuit, Signs, The Silence of the Lambs, Singing in the Rain, Sixth Sense, Sleepless in Seattle, Snake Eyes, Soapdish, Spaceballs, Speed, Spiderman 2, Stand By Me, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, All six Star Wars episodes will be considered, State & Main, Steel Magnolias, Strictly Ballroom, Superman, Superman II, The Terminal, The Terminator, The Terminator 2: Judgment Day, There's Something About Mary, Three Kings, Titanic, To Kill a Mockingbird, Tombstone, Top Gun, Total Recall, Toy Story, Toy Story 2, Trading Places, Training Day, True Lies, The Truman Show, 12 Angry Men (the 1997 version), Twister, UHF, Unbreakable, United 93, The Usual Suspects, Wall Street, WarGames, The Waterboy, The Wedding Crashers, Wet Hot American Summer, When Harry Met Sally.., While You Were Sleeping, Witness, The Wizard of Oz, Working Girl, X-Men, X2: X-Men United and You've Got Mail.
All in all, 260 or so movies to think about, weed out and enjoy. I'm sure a few more will come to me (I just thought about Dumb & Dumber today, which is a movie I am pretty sure will be on the final list) and I'll add them as they do.
You might wonder where the classics are, like Network or Godfather II, or Apocalypse Now... well, I only listed movies I've seen at least twice, and I had to have seen them the first time last summer or before (which cuts out Knocked Up, 40 Year Old Virgin, The Holiday and a few other movies that have potential to really be a Dave Fave)... Steph Leann and I are going to try to catch up on some classics like Dr. Strangelove and 2001: A Space Odyssey this summer, and they may make the list in my five year revision, but this is only movies I've already seen and had a chance to really get to know and love.
You're comments, omissions and suggestions are welcome, nay, expected.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Um...
Ya know, sometimes there just isn't much to say... that's why I just haven't posted a thing lately...
Um... "Ratatouille" is awesome. We saw the sneak preview this past Saturday night, and its well worth the price of admission. Its funny, charming, great voices, great story... right up there with "Finding Nemo" and "The Incredibles"...
Speaking of which, how do you pick a favorite Pixar movie? "Nemo", "Incredibles", "Cars", "Monster's Inc", "Toy Story 1 & 2", "A Bug's Life"... I mean, its like standing at the cheesecake counter at The Cheesecake Factory, being asked to pick the best. Its tough.
Watching WWE Raw. They have a storyline where the Chairman, Mr. Vince McMahon got all blowed up in a limo. Not sure if I like it or not.
"The Starter Wife" is great. It's a new USA Network series with Debra Messing, who could have been my Ashley Judd in a different universe. Anyway, sh'es the wife of a rich Hollywood mogul who gets dumped... and its really funny... and sweet. Sure to make my "Coolest Things of 2007 List".
Other things that will probably make the list so far:
"Pirates 3", Jenny Ross, Psapp's "Cosy in the Rocket", "Barack the Magic Negro", Robot Chicken's Star Wars Special, Stephen King's "Cell" and Andrea Brobst gettin' hitched. Yeah, I have been keeping a list all year. Don't want to forget anything.
Okay... here's my new challenge. My Favorite 100 Movies, Ever. Like, making a list of movies that I like, that I watch over and over, that I consider the best movies, to me, ever made. So I've got 194 movies on the nominated list... I'm sure I'll add 50 or 60 more before I begin to whittle it down then rank them. And then post them of course.
Alright... so what are your favorite movies? What are movies that when you're flipping channels, you stop immediately when you see it on? I'm not talking about the greatest movies ever made... I mean YOUR favorite movies, no matter how bad the quality... ("Mo' Money" with Damon Wayans? Stupid movie. Love it)
Send me an email, leave me a comment... I might ask you to help me when I start posting my own list... I want to do an online ranking with a Vh1-type commentary from all over.
You down for the struggle?
Um... "Ratatouille" is awesome. We saw the sneak preview this past Saturday night, and its well worth the price of admission. Its funny, charming, great voices, great story... right up there with "Finding Nemo" and "The Incredibles"...
Speaking of which, how do you pick a favorite Pixar movie? "Nemo", "Incredibles", "Cars", "Monster's Inc", "Toy Story 1 & 2", "A Bug's Life"... I mean, its like standing at the cheesecake counter at The Cheesecake Factory, being asked to pick the best. Its tough.
Watching WWE Raw. They have a storyline where the Chairman, Mr. Vince McMahon got all blowed up in a limo. Not sure if I like it or not.
"The Starter Wife" is great. It's a new USA Network series with Debra Messing, who could have been my Ashley Judd in a different universe. Anyway, sh'es the wife of a rich Hollywood mogul who gets dumped... and its really funny... and sweet. Sure to make my "Coolest Things of 2007 List".
Other things that will probably make the list so far:
"Pirates 3", Jenny Ross, Psapp's "Cosy in the Rocket", "Barack the Magic Negro", Robot Chicken's Star Wars Special, Stephen King's "Cell" and Andrea Brobst gettin' hitched. Yeah, I have been keeping a list all year. Don't want to forget anything.
Okay... here's my new challenge. My Favorite 100 Movies, Ever. Like, making a list of movies that I like, that I watch over and over, that I consider the best movies, to me, ever made. So I've got 194 movies on the nominated list... I'm sure I'll add 50 or 60 more before I begin to whittle it down then rank them. And then post them of course.
Alright... so what are your favorite movies? What are movies that when you're flipping channels, you stop immediately when you see it on? I'm not talking about the greatest movies ever made... I mean YOUR favorite movies, no matter how bad the quality... ("Mo' Money" with Damon Wayans? Stupid movie. Love it)
Send me an email, leave me a comment... I might ask you to help me when I start posting my own list... I want to do an online ranking with a Vh1-type commentary from all over.
You down for the struggle?
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
5 Movies, 5 Days
It's been a movie kinda weekend for me... you know, where somehow the planets align, the stars twinkle just right, the time falls where it may, and you get the chance to watch several movies you've been wanting to see, all in a few days...
Friday Night -- "Ocean's Thirteen"
Loved "Ocean's Eleven". Thought it was clever, at the time it was original, and its funny. And its one of the few movies that I can totally recommend the commentary on the DVD (Pretty boy or not, Brad Pitt is a really funny guy)
"Ocean's Twelve" was different. I walked out disappointed. Didn't watch it again until it came on HBO a year later, then I gave it another shot... and liked it. Then I saw it again a few days later... and really liked it. It grew on me quickly, and though I don't consider it on par with the first, I can watch it and not be disappointed now.
So, "Oceans Thirteen" is out, and I wasn't sure what to expect. Reviews were really good, so I hoped it would live up... and it did. The gang is back, out to avenge the injuries suffered by Reuben at the hands of Willy Banks (a smarmy good Al Pacino). I won't go into detail about the plans, but know that Linus (a great Matt Damon) gets a main part this time, Turk & Virgil lead a workers strike in Mexico, Basher channels his inner Apollo Creed mixed with Evel Kneviel, someone cries over Oprah, you feel great sympathy for That Guy Hall of Famer David Paymer, and both Bruiser and Toulour make appearances, as does Terry Benedict. What happened to Tess? You find that out too. And only because I had a huge crush on her in 1989, I'm taking Ellen Barkin over a combined Catherine Zeta-Jones and Julia Roberts (For, like, two months, "Sea of Love" was my favorite movie of all time in 1989).
Like Twelve, Thirteen is like one big inside joke, but unlike Twelve, Thirteen lets you in on the joke so you can laugh too. And like Eleven, you may not laugh all the way through Thirteen, but you'll find your self amused the whole time.
Saturday -- "Knocked Up"
If you didn't liked "The 40 Year Old Virgin", then you won't like this. Directed by the same guy, Judd Apatow, it has a lot of the same people, including Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann, and Seth Rogan is promoted to leading man. Steve Carell even makes a cameo.
Hotness Katherine Heigl is an up and coming E! news reporter who, while hanging out with her sister, gets a little too drunk. She has a foolish one night stand with Ben, a guy that it would take a very drunk hot chick to be with, and kicks him out the next day. Eight weeks later, she discovers she's going to have a baby. Ben's baby.
So the movie progresses as Alison and Ben try to make a relationship work, at first just for the baby, and then after finding out they really do like each other, for each other. This movie is rude, crude, lots of F-bombs, a couple of boobage scenes (though only one is real, the others are the guys watching boobage on tv, which is part of Ben's job. You'll find out why when you see it) and is actually lots of fun. Several things I liked about this movie...
Sidebar: Speaking of Paul Rudd, if you ever have the chance to rent or watch Neil LaBute's "Bash: Latter-Day Plays", do so. It premiered on Showtime in 2001, shot as it was being performed onstage. Three separate pieces, one each with Calista Flockhart (who knew she could do more than Ally McBeal?) and Ron Eldard, both engaging in violence in different ways. The jewel, however, is the middle one with Calista and Paul Rudd portraying a couple attending a wedding. The night drags on, with the girls hanging at the hotel, and the boys going out for a night on the town... and end up precipitating a vicious hate crime. Paul's story telling, and the evil in his character, is chilling. If ever I was to direct theater outside of church, I'd do this in a heartbeat. You can pick up a copy of the script online.
Monday -- "The 40 Year Old Virgin"
I might have been one of nine people in the world who had not seen this movie, and I laughed all the way through it. If you don't like American Pie humor, this is not for you. I say American Pie, but the humor is not as directed at teenagers, as it is directed at the side of us that laughs at things we know we shouldn't laugh at.
Steve Carell, in his star making turn, plays Andy. Andy works at SmartTech, collects valuable toys and though 40, has never had sex. When his buddies Dave (Paul Rudd), Cal (Seth Rogan) and Jay (Romany Malco) discover this, they make it their mission to... well, make him not a virgin. One attempt includes a funny turn by Leslie Mann, but it, like others, fail miserably. Enter Trish (Catherine Keener, who we'll get to in a minute), who works across the street at the eBay store
Though very crude, with lots of F-bombs and lots of crude terms for various things, this is, at its heart, a sweet movie. And oh, its funny... I laughed for ten minutes when Dave used the phrase "Man-o-lantern". First, the fact he's a virgin is met with very little ridicule, which is great considering this world wants you to have as much sex as possible. Secondly, though morons they may be, his friends turn out to be pretty loyal in the end. And third, Catherine Keener.
I really liked this film, even better than "Knocked Up"... Seth Rogan was funnier here, and Katherine Heigl is no Catherine Keener, who delivers a Sydney Ellen Wade performance.
What can I say? I really like Cat's part in this movie. She sparkled.
Sidebar: "Sydney Ellen Wade Performance". Its time we had a term for this. Every so often, when watching a movie, there is a leading lady who just shines. I mean, maybe not just acting wise, like Charlize Theron in Monster, but perhaps a performance that just... glows. As in, she lights up every scene she's in. Charlize, who was devastatingly good in "Monster" does not, at any time, glow.
This might be subjective, but the epitome of this was Annette Bening in "The American President". Her character, Sydney Ellen Wade, made me love this movie. Annette never looked as good before, or since, that movie. She just... glowed. Lit up the screen with every step, every word. No, its not subjective... I'm right.
Now, I was tempted to call this rare phenomenon an "Audrey Hepburn Performance", but that was too broad a term--Audrey was in a class all by herself, so I use Sydney Ellen Wade to describe such a performance. Other Sydney Ellen Wade performances? Meg Ryan in "You've Got Mail" and Brittany Snow in "John Tucker Must Die" (I didn't say the movie had to be good... but she owns that flick). Oh yeah, and now Catherine Keener in "the 40 Year Old Virgin".
Tuesday -- "Breach"
If you don't know the story, in early 2001, Robert Hanssen, a top dog in the upper crust of the FBI, was arrested and charged with treason. He had been selling US government and military secrets to the Soviets and Russians for the better part of 16 years. On the outside, he looked like a great family man and patriot, but the truth was he was a total jerkweed in every way. Wikipedia has his story here.
"Breach" is the film version of that story, starring Chris Cooper as Hanssen, and Ryan Phillippe as Eric O'Neill, a young FBI agent wannabe assigned to be Hanssen's aide, and to be undercover for the FBI to swipe Hanssen's palm pilot, copy documents and so on.
Based on a true story, and with the real O'Neill serving as film advisor, this is pretty close to how it went down, if I understand it correctly. This is not a film to watch when you are sleepy, but it is a great movie. It builds slowly, with the first 45 minutes showing you what a great guy Hanssen is, almost wanting you to play the part of all the people that knew him before the truth was known. After that, however, you begin to see how... well, evil Hanssen is. His actions and spying ended up putting dozens of US undercover agents in danger, including three who were executed in Russia as a direct result.
This picture of the real Robert Hanssen always creeped me out. Either he looks like too nice of a guy to do these things, or he looks like a child molester.
One thing the film does is portray Hanssen as a brilliant mind who spied not for the money, but for the game, because he felt unappreciated and underused by his own country. Gary Cole (whom I feel bad for, because no matter what he does, he'll always be Lumbergh), President Palmer and an always fantastic Laura Linney (one of my top ten favorite actors... though I can't decide if she's pretty in a Jennifer Herndon sort of way, or just pretty...) are supporting roles, while Chris Cooper is awesome, and Ryan Phillippe makes me believe in his character, something I'm not sure he's ever done. Well, except for maybe in "Antitrust".
Sidebar: If you get the dvd, make sure to watch the "Dateline" segment in the special features. It originally aired in 2001, right after Hanssen had been arrested, and Chris Hanson is the host. He's got huge hair, and the segment is grainy (what, NBC didn't preserve its film six years ago?), but you still expect Robert Hanssen to be sitting at the counter eating cookies, with Chris Hansen appearing, asking him to sit down. "Um... I didn't know they were Russians, sir"... "I know you knew they were Russians--I've got the documents right here. What are you doing??"
Tuesday -- "Ghost Rider"
By the time "Breach" was over, my mind was wiped out. Tense, taut political thriller, I needed something light and campy. Enter "Ghost Rider".
Based on the Marvel comic, "Ghost Rider" tells the story of Johnny Blaze, who sells his soul to the devil to save his father. Well, the devil's son is loose and trying to take over, and so the devil will let Johnny Blaze out his contract if he'll take on the son and... does it matter?
The skull guy was Nic Cage's original costar in Face/Off, but he dropped out and was replace by Travolta weeks before shooting. Somewhere, at least one of three Lattas is laughing.
Lots of cartoony violence, a skull on fire riding a chopper on fire, Nic Cage at his "I've got my Oscar, I don't care anymore" best (see: "Capt. Crap's Mandolin", "Lord of War", "The Wicker/Weather/Family Man"), and... Sam Elliott. You cannot go wrong with any movie that has Sam Elliott in it, especially if he's narrating. When they make the movie of my life, I want Sam doing the intro.
It's hard for me to root for an ingenue that I don't find attractive (which is why I avoid Angelina Jolie movies... well, that and most of them suck), so it was hard to root for Nic Cage and Eva Mendes to get together... beyond that, however, I found "Ghost Rider" to be fun, breezy, not too serious and likable. And that's important.
And hey... I'm off Wednesday and Thursday... who knows what I'll get watched by then...
Friday Night -- "Ocean's Thirteen"
Loved "Ocean's Eleven". Thought it was clever, at the time it was original, and its funny. And its one of the few movies that I can totally recommend the commentary on the DVD (Pretty boy or not, Brad Pitt is a really funny guy)
"Ocean's Twelve" was different. I walked out disappointed. Didn't watch it again until it came on HBO a year later, then I gave it another shot... and liked it. Then I saw it again a few days later... and really liked it. It grew on me quickly, and though I don't consider it on par with the first, I can watch it and not be disappointed now.
So, "Oceans Thirteen" is out, and I wasn't sure what to expect. Reviews were really good, so I hoped it would live up... and it did. The gang is back, out to avenge the injuries suffered by Reuben at the hands of Willy Banks (a smarmy good Al Pacino). I won't go into detail about the plans, but know that Linus (a great Matt Damon) gets a main part this time, Turk & Virgil lead a workers strike in Mexico, Basher channels his inner Apollo Creed mixed with Evel Kneviel, someone cries over Oprah, you feel great sympathy for That Guy Hall of Famer David Paymer, and both Bruiser and Toulour make appearances, as does Terry Benedict. What happened to Tess? You find that out too. And only because I had a huge crush on her in 1989, I'm taking Ellen Barkin over a combined Catherine Zeta-Jones and Julia Roberts (For, like, two months, "Sea of Love" was my favorite movie of all time in 1989).
Like Twelve, Thirteen is like one big inside joke, but unlike Twelve, Thirteen lets you in on the joke so you can laugh too. And like Eleven, you may not laugh all the way through Thirteen, but you'll find your self amused the whole time.
Saturday -- "Knocked Up"
If you didn't liked "The 40 Year Old Virgin", then you won't like this. Directed by the same guy, Judd Apatow, it has a lot of the same people, including Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann, and Seth Rogan is promoted to leading man. Steve Carell even makes a cameo.
Hotness Katherine Heigl is an up and coming E! news reporter who, while hanging out with her sister, gets a little too drunk. She has a foolish one night stand with Ben, a guy that it would take a very drunk hot chick to be with, and kicks him out the next day. Eight weeks later, she discovers she's going to have a baby. Ben's baby.
So the movie progresses as Alison and Ben try to make a relationship work, at first just for the baby, and then after finding out they really do like each other, for each other. This movie is rude, crude, lots of F-bombs, a couple of boobage scenes (though only one is real, the others are the guys watching boobage on tv, which is part of Ben's job. You'll find out why when you see it) and is actually lots of fun. Several things I liked about this movie...
- Paul Rudd. This guy is really funny. He's been in "Clueless" (which Steph Leann loves), "Wet Hot American Summer" (a highly underrated comedy), "Anchorman" and much more, and each time, he's fantastic.
- Katherine Heigl. I'm so glad she's more than Izzie from "Grey's Anatomy", and "Nicole" from "My Father the Hero"
- Abortion was never really considered. It is mentioned as an option, but without explaining how she came to the decision, Alison decides to keep the baby, as if its the only thing she could do. I respect that.
- Ben's buddies. Several no-names, including Jonah Hill, who was in "40 Year Old Virgin" and "Accepted", make up Ben's entourage, and its classic. If the Deuce Guys weren't Christ-followers, and were into weed and bongs, this might be them. I'd be Ben, of course, with the hot chick.
- Ryan Seacrest. Hearing the "American Idol" host curse is just about the funniest thing in the movie.
- Leslie Mann. Also in "Virgin", where has she been? Why am I just now discovering her?
- It's good that Steve the Pirate is still working
- Maggie Seaver! We missed you!
- The pop culture references. From Meg Ryan's boobage to Matthew Fox ("You know whats interesting about Matthew Fox? Nothing!") to a hilarious Steely Dan dis to various other movies and celebrities that are randomly dropped in, it sounds like the Deuce guys sitting around. Without the weed and bongs.
Sidebar: Speaking of Paul Rudd, if you ever have the chance to rent or watch Neil LaBute's "Bash: Latter-Day Plays", do so. It premiered on Showtime in 2001, shot as it was being performed onstage. Three separate pieces, one each with Calista Flockhart (who knew she could do more than Ally McBeal?) and Ron Eldard, both engaging in violence in different ways. The jewel, however, is the middle one with Calista and Paul Rudd portraying a couple attending a wedding. The night drags on, with the girls hanging at the hotel, and the boys going out for a night on the town... and end up precipitating a vicious hate crime. Paul's story telling, and the evil in his character, is chilling. If ever I was to direct theater outside of church, I'd do this in a heartbeat. You can pick up a copy of the script online.
Monday -- "The 40 Year Old Virgin"
I might have been one of nine people in the world who had not seen this movie, and I laughed all the way through it. If you don't like American Pie humor, this is not for you. I say American Pie, but the humor is not as directed at teenagers, as it is directed at the side of us that laughs at things we know we shouldn't laugh at.
Steve Carell, in his star making turn, plays Andy. Andy works at SmartTech, collects valuable toys and though 40, has never had sex. When his buddies Dave (Paul Rudd), Cal (Seth Rogan) and Jay (Romany Malco) discover this, they make it their mission to... well, make him not a virgin. One attempt includes a funny turn by Leslie Mann, but it, like others, fail miserably. Enter Trish (Catherine Keener, who we'll get to in a minute), who works across the street at the eBay store
Though very crude, with lots of F-bombs and lots of crude terms for various things, this is, at its heart, a sweet movie. And oh, its funny... I laughed for ten minutes when Dave used the phrase "Man-o-lantern". First, the fact he's a virgin is met with very little ridicule, which is great considering this world wants you to have as much sex as possible. Secondly, though morons they may be, his friends turn out to be pretty loyal in the end. And third, Catherine Keener.
I really liked this film, even better than "Knocked Up"... Seth Rogan was funnier here, and Katherine Heigl is no Catherine Keener, who delivers a Sydney Ellen Wade performance.
What can I say? I really like Cat's part in this movie. She sparkled.
Sidebar: "Sydney Ellen Wade Performance". Its time we had a term for this. Every so often, when watching a movie, there is a leading lady who just shines. I mean, maybe not just acting wise, like Charlize Theron in Monster, but perhaps a performance that just... glows. As in, she lights up every scene she's in. Charlize, who was devastatingly good in "Monster" does not, at any time, glow.
This might be subjective, but the epitome of this was Annette Bening in "The American President". Her character, Sydney Ellen Wade, made me love this movie. Annette never looked as good before, or since, that movie. She just... glowed. Lit up the screen with every step, every word. No, its not subjective... I'm right.
Now, I was tempted to call this rare phenomenon an "Audrey Hepburn Performance", but that was too broad a term--Audrey was in a class all by herself, so I use Sydney Ellen Wade to describe such a performance. Other Sydney Ellen Wade performances? Meg Ryan in "You've Got Mail" and Brittany Snow in "John Tucker Must Die" (I didn't say the movie had to be good... but she owns that flick). Oh yeah, and now Catherine Keener in "the 40 Year Old Virgin".
Tuesday -- "Breach"
If you don't know the story, in early 2001, Robert Hanssen, a top dog in the upper crust of the FBI, was arrested and charged with treason. He had been selling US government and military secrets to the Soviets and Russians for the better part of 16 years. On the outside, he looked like a great family man and patriot, but the truth was he was a total jerkweed in every way. Wikipedia has his story here.
"Breach" is the film version of that story, starring Chris Cooper as Hanssen, and Ryan Phillippe as Eric O'Neill, a young FBI agent wannabe assigned to be Hanssen's aide, and to be undercover for the FBI to swipe Hanssen's palm pilot, copy documents and so on.
Based on a true story, and with the real O'Neill serving as film advisor, this is pretty close to how it went down, if I understand it correctly. This is not a film to watch when you are sleepy, but it is a great movie. It builds slowly, with the first 45 minutes showing you what a great guy Hanssen is, almost wanting you to play the part of all the people that knew him before the truth was known. After that, however, you begin to see how... well, evil Hanssen is. His actions and spying ended up putting dozens of US undercover agents in danger, including three who were executed in Russia as a direct result.
This picture of the real Robert Hanssen always creeped me out. Either he looks like too nice of a guy to do these things, or he looks like a child molester.
One thing the film does is portray Hanssen as a brilliant mind who spied not for the money, but for the game, because he felt unappreciated and underused by his own country. Gary Cole (whom I feel bad for, because no matter what he does, he'll always be Lumbergh), President Palmer and an always fantastic Laura Linney (one of my top ten favorite actors... though I can't decide if she's pretty in a Jennifer Herndon sort of way, or just pretty...) are supporting roles, while Chris Cooper is awesome, and Ryan Phillippe makes me believe in his character, something I'm not sure he's ever done. Well, except for maybe in "Antitrust".
Sidebar: If you get the dvd, make sure to watch the "Dateline" segment in the special features. It originally aired in 2001, right after Hanssen had been arrested, and Chris Hanson is the host. He's got huge hair, and the segment is grainy (what, NBC didn't preserve its film six years ago?), but you still expect Robert Hanssen to be sitting at the counter eating cookies, with Chris Hansen appearing, asking him to sit down. "Um... I didn't know they were Russians, sir"... "I know you knew they were Russians--I've got the documents right here. What are you doing??"
Tuesday -- "Ghost Rider"
By the time "Breach" was over, my mind was wiped out. Tense, taut political thriller, I needed something light and campy. Enter "Ghost Rider".
Based on the Marvel comic, "Ghost Rider" tells the story of Johnny Blaze, who sells his soul to the devil to save his father. Well, the devil's son is loose and trying to take over, and so the devil will let Johnny Blaze out his contract if he'll take on the son and... does it matter?
The skull guy was Nic Cage's original costar in Face/Off, but he dropped out and was replace by Travolta weeks before shooting. Somewhere, at least one of three Lattas is laughing.
Lots of cartoony violence, a skull on fire riding a chopper on fire, Nic Cage at his "I've got my Oscar, I don't care anymore" best (see: "Capt. Crap's Mandolin", "Lord of War", "The Wicker/Weather/Family Man"), and... Sam Elliott. You cannot go wrong with any movie that has Sam Elliott in it, especially if he's narrating. When they make the movie of my life, I want Sam doing the intro.
It's hard for me to root for an ingenue that I don't find attractive (which is why I avoid Angelina Jolie movies... well, that and most of them suck), so it was hard to root for Nic Cage and Eva Mendes to get together... beyond that, however, I found "Ghost Rider" to be fun, breezy, not too serious and likable. And that's important.
And hey... I'm off Wednesday and Thursday... who knows what I'll get watched by then...
Friday, June 08, 2007
The Real Global Problem
Our planet is in danger. Our planet is dying. Bottom line... our climate is changing so much, due to our recklessness and stupidity, and though I refused to admit it, I am forced to do so at this time.
Have you noticed the facts?
First, in the last 100 years, our global temperature has risen a fraction of a degree? Secondly, Tropical Storm Andrea emerged in the Atlantic Ocean one month before the official start of hurricane season? Third, scientists agree on it, as a consensus.
That's right. I'm talking about... Global Cooling.
I got up yesterday morning, here in Birmingham, AL, in the beginnings of June, and the wind was blowing. And it was only 74 degrees. That's just unnatural! It should be, what, at least 80, even by 515 in the morning?
Did you know that here in the heart of the Southern Heat Belt, I was wearing long sleeves a couple of times in early May? I mean, its ridiculous! May is HOT! May is not supposed to be in the 50s! Ever!!
And this past winter, for the northeast? Whew! One of the coldest on record, ever. I mean, ever.
Plus, check this out... Tropical Storm Andrea appeared a month before any hurricanes were supposed to. I mean, we set this June 1st date on hurricane season, and God has the nerve to allow some weather activity to appear? Who does He is, ruler of all and creator of all? Not to mention the fact that the tropical storm appeared due to unnaturally COLD AIR pushing it down from the Arctic.
Finally, if that doesn't do it, then this will. Our temperature has risen over the last century about a half of a degree. I mean, this past century has brought the boom of civilization, from cars to factories to power plants to everything else... and we could only make it rise ONE HALF OF ONE DEGREE??? That means right now, it's 85 degrees... and 100 years ago, it was 84.5 degrees. Crazy! We're in sooooo much trouble!
We've got to act now against this threat. I mean, in 1997, only 17 percent of Meteorological Society and the American Geophysical Society thought global warming was the problem, which means that 83 percent must think its the opposite--GLOBAL COOLING!!
Remember, consensus equals science, right? Doesn't matter if the facts support it or not, as long as there is a consensus to an idea, then it MUST BE TRUE! If I can convince some of you that global cooling is real, then it will become so! Of course, to make it real, I have to get the Hollywood types involved, because only Martin Sheen (who was president for 8 years on tv, so he knows what he's talking about), Sean Penn and Alec Baldwin (who, thankfully, has not moved out of the country even after promising to do so) and Sheryl Crow (you might not want to shake her hand...) have had scientific training in weather patterns, so they know.
Thankfully, there are people leading the way...
Algore is a pioneer in the efforts to stop global cooling. Even though the United States is trying to stop the solution, he refuses to condemn China for their carbon emissions, and thereby is allowing China to help heat this planet. Go Chi-Coms!
Escapism from the problem is effective too. What better way to stop thinking about the dangers of Global Cooling than to sit for two hours at the comedy he put out last year? I mean, the fantasy took my mind off things.
And the fact that Algore and his family live in the 10,000 square foot, 20 room, 8 bedroom home in Nashville (the one that has the annual $30,000 power bill), plus another 4,000 square foot home in Virginia, plus, he refuses to buy into this whole "wind power" argument, nor has he (or will he) dumped his stock in Occidental Petroleum (he owns 100s of thousands of stock dollars here) means tha Algore is living a warming lifestyle. And I thank him for that.
Thank you to Paula Maddox, Matt Latta and a number of you that drive SUVs. You are helping to warm this planet, though admittedly, not much. But my friend, Daniel Powell, who drives a Prius? You, Daniel, are allowing this planet to cool, and should be admonished.
Thanks to Europe, who's global emissions are up 16.4%, and to Canada, 23.6%, both estimates from 1990 to 2002. Other countries who deserve admiration for their efforts to warm the planet? Ireland, 40.3%. Portugal, 59%. Spain, 46.9%. As for the United States, our global emissions only rose 16.7%. We deserve the condemnation done by Algore, Leonardo de Caprio, John F Kerry (who served in Vietnam) and others... with what has been said about our country worldwide, you'd think our percentage rise would be 50 or 60%, but no... only 16.7%, despite being essentially the economic drive behind the entire world. We can do much more to warm this planet and we must.
I do appreciate the mass media giving us feel-good reporting. Not a peep about global warming during the cold, cold winter suffered in the northern United States, but they are so great about letting us know every single day about global warming now that its getting warmer. Who knew that summer would bring about hot temperatures? I mean, it caught me off guard too.
Plus, taking that picture of the polar bears on the ice, and telling us all that the bears were trapped on the ice, ice that had melted because of global warming... good effort to warm our spirits. I mean, its not hard to know that picture was misrepresented, especially when the photographer came out and admitted the two bears weren't trapped on melting ice, they were playing on that ice, and the original story the picture was from had nothing to do with global warming.
If only Global Warming was real! Then we'd have a fighting chance against this deadly cooling!
Personally, I think the best way to do this is to get the President to fire up his hurricane machines, and head for minority areas. I mean, since he doesn't like black people, and he (and not School Bus Nagin and Gov'nr Mary in LA) is solely responsible for everything that happened in New Orleans (but not Mississippi, who was hit just as hard, but has a Republican Gov'nr, so they don't count), he's the best person to get this global cooling fight underway. Do something, now, Mister President. Screw this stupid protecting America conflict in Iraq. GLOBAL COOLING is the real fight.
We've got to act now. I beg of you, my dozen or more readers, will you help me?
Have you noticed the facts?
First, in the last 100 years, our global temperature has risen a fraction of a degree? Secondly, Tropical Storm Andrea emerged in the Atlantic Ocean one month before the official start of hurricane season? Third, scientists agree on it, as a consensus.
That's right. I'm talking about... Global Cooling.
I got up yesterday morning, here in Birmingham, AL, in the beginnings of June, and the wind was blowing. And it was only 74 degrees. That's just unnatural! It should be, what, at least 80, even by 515 in the morning?
Did you know that here in the heart of the Southern Heat Belt, I was wearing long sleeves a couple of times in early May? I mean, its ridiculous! May is HOT! May is not supposed to be in the 50s! Ever!!
And this past winter, for the northeast? Whew! One of the coldest on record, ever. I mean, ever.
Plus, check this out... Tropical Storm Andrea appeared a month before any hurricanes were supposed to. I mean, we set this June 1st date on hurricane season, and God has the nerve to allow some weather activity to appear? Who does He is, ruler of all and creator of all? Not to mention the fact that the tropical storm appeared due to unnaturally COLD AIR pushing it down from the Arctic.
Finally, if that doesn't do it, then this will. Our temperature has risen over the last century about a half of a degree. I mean, this past century has brought the boom of civilization, from cars to factories to power plants to everything else... and we could only make it rise ONE HALF OF ONE DEGREE??? That means right now, it's 85 degrees... and 100 years ago, it was 84.5 degrees. Crazy! We're in sooooo much trouble!
We've got to act now against this threat. I mean, in 1997, only 17 percent of Meteorological Society and the American Geophysical Society thought global warming was the problem, which means that 83 percent must think its the opposite--GLOBAL COOLING!!
Remember, consensus equals science, right? Doesn't matter if the facts support it or not, as long as there is a consensus to an idea, then it MUST BE TRUE! If I can convince some of you that global cooling is real, then it will become so! Of course, to make it real, I have to get the Hollywood types involved, because only Martin Sheen (who was president for 8 years on tv, so he knows what he's talking about), Sean Penn and Alec Baldwin (who, thankfully, has not moved out of the country even after promising to do so) and Sheryl Crow (you might not want to shake her hand...) have had scientific training in weather patterns, so they know.
Thankfully, there are people leading the way...
Algore is a pioneer in the efforts to stop global cooling. Even though the United States is trying to stop the solution, he refuses to condemn China for their carbon emissions, and thereby is allowing China to help heat this planet. Go Chi-Coms!
Escapism from the problem is effective too. What better way to stop thinking about the dangers of Global Cooling than to sit for two hours at the comedy he put out last year? I mean, the fantasy took my mind off things.
And the fact that Algore and his family live in the 10,000 square foot, 20 room, 8 bedroom home in Nashville (the one that has the annual $30,000 power bill), plus another 4,000 square foot home in Virginia, plus, he refuses to buy into this whole "wind power" argument, nor has he (or will he) dumped his stock in Occidental Petroleum (he owns 100s of thousands of stock dollars here) means tha Algore is living a warming lifestyle. And I thank him for that.
Thank you to Paula Maddox, Matt Latta and a number of you that drive SUVs. You are helping to warm this planet, though admittedly, not much. But my friend, Daniel Powell, who drives a Prius? You, Daniel, are allowing this planet to cool, and should be admonished.
Thanks to Europe, who's global emissions are up 16.4%, and to Canada, 23.6%, both estimates from 1990 to 2002. Other countries who deserve admiration for their efforts to warm the planet? Ireland, 40.3%. Portugal, 59%. Spain, 46.9%. As for the United States, our global emissions only rose 16.7%. We deserve the condemnation done by Algore, Leonardo de Caprio, John F Kerry (who served in Vietnam) and others... with what has been said about our country worldwide, you'd think our percentage rise would be 50 or 60%, but no... only 16.7%, despite being essentially the economic drive behind the entire world. We can do much more to warm this planet and we must.
I do appreciate the mass media giving us feel-good reporting. Not a peep about global warming during the cold, cold winter suffered in the northern United States, but they are so great about letting us know every single day about global warming now that its getting warmer. Who knew that summer would bring about hot temperatures? I mean, it caught me off guard too.
Plus, taking that picture of the polar bears on the ice, and telling us all that the bears were trapped on the ice, ice that had melted because of global warming... good effort to warm our spirits. I mean, its not hard to know that picture was misrepresented, especially when the photographer came out and admitted the two bears weren't trapped on melting ice, they were playing on that ice, and the original story the picture was from had nothing to do with global warming.
If only Global Warming was real! Then we'd have a fighting chance against this deadly cooling!
Personally, I think the best way to do this is to get the President to fire up his hurricane machines, and head for minority areas. I mean, since he doesn't like black people, and he (and not School Bus Nagin and Gov'nr Mary in LA) is solely responsible for everything that happened in New Orleans (but not Mississippi, who was hit just as hard, but has a Republican Gov'nr, so they don't count), he's the best person to get this global cooling fight underway. Do something, now, Mister President. Screw this stupid protecting America conflict in Iraq. GLOBAL COOLING is the real fight.
We've got to act now. I beg of you, my dozen or more readers, will you help me?
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Hey... Lionel Richie Is Universal
We're sitting at The Purple Onion, a great Greek place here in The Ham, and just having great conversation like best friends do. Over head, we hear "You are the sun, you are the rain, you make my life a foolish game...", so turn to Steph Leann and say "Hmm... kinda weird we'd hear Lionel in The Purple Onion.
Say you. Say me. Say it for always. Lional Richie.
Without missing a beat, she says, "Hey... Lionel Richie is universal". So, then, a few weeks later, I'm sitting and watching Vh1's Most Softsational Songs, and during "Hello", one of the commentators says "Did you know Lionel Richie is huge in Iraq?" Cut to L-Rich himself who says "It's weird, because they know every word to every song...", and then you see an Iraqi woman who says, in broken English, "Allo... is it me you look for? I wonder where you are..."
So, yes, Lionel Richie truly is universal.
Here's some links and stories to pass the time today...
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I just discovered Scott Baio has his own reality show, coming on Vh1. The title? "Scott Baio is 45 and Single"
Okay, so when I said "Scott Baio raise your hand if the first thing you thought of was "I want Charles in charge of my days and my nights..."? And I'll bet 90% of you who did not raise your hand haven't ever heard of Scott Baio, and that saddens me.
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Unfortuntely, I don't have many font options here on Blogger. Though I prefer Trebechet, it doesn't transfer well to MySpace, so I just use Georgia, the default font. When doing documents and spreadsheets, my font of choice is Arial Narrow. Count me in the crowd that thinks Comic Sans is overrated and overused. However, I must beg the question, what's up with Helvetica?
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Ever bought a CD because of a great song, only to find out its the only good song on the whole album? This happened to me in 1992 when I picked up The Proclaimers "Sunshine on Leith", because "500 Miles (I Would Walk)". Terrible album, save for one single good track. Rolling Stone has issued their own list of the 25 greatest songs from bad albums. Elton John is listed twice.
Along the same lines, Spinner Magazine listed its choices for the 25 Most Monumental Album Flops. I was a little shocked, yet amused, that U2 was first band on the list. (By the way, I totally own "Fairweather Johnson" and think its awesome. So there. Of course, I also own "Glitter", but... um, next link)
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Here's something fun... what would Lilly Rush from "Cold Case" make? Or, what about Lynette from "Desperate Housewives"? As in, what would they make in the real world? And Meredith Grey makes far less that I would have imagined...
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And speaking of Grey's Anatomy, Katherine Heigl is a smoker. That turns me off totally... of course, as the episodes have rolled by, and Steph Leann and I have watched them season by season, I'm beginning to think that I find Meredith more attractive than Izzie. My lovely wife, however, is still a McDreamy fan.
Shouldn't the twentysometing hot blonde be preferrable to the late 30s brunette? Perhaps not. Maybe is a sign 'm getting older. I mean, thirtysomething Steph Leann is preferrable any blonde I know.
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FYI... just saw this story on Fox News. Because I know her, I actually knew this months ago. I've seen them together. It was so odd, I called my wife and my sister to tell them so. Personally, I am surprised it took this long to hit the news, but really don't think its a big deal.
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Want a way to kill, like, an hour when you should be working? I got four words for ya...
Celebrity Mustache dot com
It has a great picture of a mulleted Michael Bolton AND a Stamos sighting
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Crap! I can't believe we missed it! Bidding ended on June 1st! (well, it cost $5,000 to ship, so I guess its okay that I didn't win it)
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Went to Wal-Mart earlier tonight, and three things caught my attention...
1) As I was driving through the parking lot, the ice cream truck was pulled over. Next to it were three police cars, officers walking around the truck, and some dude being interrogated. I was expecting Chris Hansen to walk out holding chat transcript and say "why don't you have a seat right there". (by the way, I'm totally buying his book)
2) I stopped by Sonic (settle down, settle down, I had a grilled chicken sandwich and a Coke. No tots. For those who know me well, "no tots" is a big sacrifice). While I waited for the food, I heard Gwen Stefani's "Sweet Escape" over head. Now, I like this song, I really do... but I have heard it SIX times this weekend, none on the radio--its in restaurants, gas stations and on tv shows. And I always hear Akon's "woo-hoo! wee-hoo! woo-hoo! wee-hoo!"
3) Every Wal-Mart has this aisle they just throw various crap like books, toys, electronics, socks, baby gear, and slap a red sticker on it with a "get this crap outta here!" price on it. While perusing the aisle, I noticed a radio/cassette Walkman. When I was in 8th grade (in 1989), I wanted one soooo badly. It was like, $40, and no 8th grader has $40 lying around. So I never got one. Tonight, however? $4. Four dollars. I almost bought it just on principal.
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As reported to me first by my friend Nikki, they are planning to build a Harry Potter theme park in Orlando's Universal Studios. How much fun will that be? Perhaps it will be done by Thanksgiving, when we head that way.
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Watching some of MTV's Movie Awards, and like it has been the past few years, its pretty boring. Of course, Sarah Silverman's really dirty (but really, really funny) jab at Paris Hilton was great, if only because they cut to Paris in the audience, and she was not happy.
Mike Myers got the Generation Award, or whatever they call it, and though I like Mike Myers, it surprised me that when he came out to accept it, he got a good applause... but no standing ovation. They always give standing O's when getting a special award like this... but not this time. The Sports Guy said it once, and I agree... has any series of movies held up worse over time (as in, we just don't quote or talk about them like we did when they were new) than the Austin Powers movies? Except maybe the Wayne's World movies?
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Two songs I just downloaded... "What a Fool Believes" by The Doobie Brothers (with Michael McDonald singing lead), and "This Is It" by Kenny Loggins.
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New movie called "Good Luck Chuck" coming out this summer. Starring Dane Cook, its about a guy who finds himself the victim of some curse because when he sleeps with a girl, she finds the man of her dreams. This makes him very popular with the ladies who are looking to settle down.
The only reason I mention this is because this has been done before... well, not exactly, but I found myself in the midst of a similar situation. Like, from 1993 to 1996, I was in this streak where six out of seven girls I dated married the guy they dated after me, including Chrissy Bullock, Heather Howell and Melanie Jackson, (whom I count because she didn't really date Reggie McCallister).
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Because I've always loved her, even since college, I naturally try to see any movie featuring The Hollywood Goddess. Her latest flick, "Bug", stars said Goddess and some guy named Michael Shannon, who starred in the stage play the film is based on.
The Hollywood Goddess plays Agnes, who, for whatever reason, actually lives in a rundown Oklahoma middle-of-nowhere motel room. She works in a lesbetarian bar with her friend R.C., and one night R.C. brings into Agnes' room a strange guy named Peter Evans (Michael Shannon). He actually sounds like Peter Weller, to be honest.
Anyway, long story short, Peter gets paranoid that he is crawling with bugs, internally and externally, and Agnes is so lonely and desperate for anything to believe in, she hangs on his every word... and slowly, the couple... (wait for the cliche)... descends into madness.
This movie was weird. I'm not even sure if this qualifies for The McGriddle Effect, to be honest with you. As soon as the lights came on at the end, this brother and his boo in the front row both stood up, and he shouted "We gotta get up outta here".
"Bug" makes for another entry into a unfortunately growing longer line of crap that The Goddess has found herself a part of. Perhaps after I finally do my Nic Cage blog, I'll do one about my love and devotion to Ashley Judd.
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And finally, my favorite Lionel Richie song is "Stuck On You". Its a great little that says "Im stuck on you, I got this feelin' down deepin my soul that I just can't lose... I guess I'm on my way. I needed a friend, and the way I feel now I guess I'll be with you 'til the end... I guess I'm on my way. I'm mighty glad you stayed."
Story goes that Lionel was on tour in the early 80s, and he was at a truck stop. Big trucker dude came up, and told Lionel how much he loved that "Once, two times, three times my lady" song. Lionel smiled, accepted the compliment, and the trucker followed it up with, "Yeah, reminds me of my ol' lady. We been together a long time. I shore am stuck on her."
The phrase "stuck" with Lionel and he went back to his hotel room and wrote "Stuck On You" in about thirty minutes. And now you know.
And knowing is half the battle. (GI JOE!!! Woo-hoo! Wee-hoo! Woo-hoo! Wee-hoo!)
Say you. Say me. Say it for always. Lional Richie.
Without missing a beat, she says, "Hey... Lionel Richie is universal". So, then, a few weeks later, I'm sitting and watching Vh1's Most Softsational Songs, and during "Hello", one of the commentators says "Did you know Lionel Richie is huge in Iraq?" Cut to L-Rich himself who says "It's weird, because they know every word to every song...", and then you see an Iraqi woman who says, in broken English, "Allo... is it me you look for? I wonder where you are..."
So, yes, Lionel Richie truly is universal.
Here's some links and stories to pass the time today...
_______________________________________
I just discovered Scott Baio has his own reality show, coming on Vh1. The title? "Scott Baio is 45 and Single"
Okay, so when I said "Scott Baio raise your hand if the first thing you thought of was "I want Charles in charge of my days and my nights..."? And I'll bet 90% of you who did not raise your hand haven't ever heard of Scott Baio, and that saddens me.
______________________________________
Unfortuntely, I don't have many font options here on Blogger. Though I prefer Trebechet, it doesn't transfer well to MySpace, so I just use Georgia, the default font. When doing documents and spreadsheets, my font of choice is Arial Narrow. Count me in the crowd that thinks Comic Sans is overrated and overused. However, I must beg the question, what's up with Helvetica?
_______________________________________
Ever bought a CD because of a great song, only to find out its the only good song on the whole album? This happened to me in 1992 when I picked up The Proclaimers "Sunshine on Leith", because "500 Miles (I Would Walk)". Terrible album, save for one single good track. Rolling Stone has issued their own list of the 25 greatest songs from bad albums. Elton John is listed twice.
Along the same lines, Spinner Magazine listed its choices for the 25 Most Monumental Album Flops. I was a little shocked, yet amused, that U2 was first band on the list. (By the way, I totally own "Fairweather Johnson" and think its awesome. So there. Of course, I also own "Glitter", but... um, next link)
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Here's something fun... what would Lilly Rush from "Cold Case" make? Or, what about Lynette from "Desperate Housewives"? As in, what would they make in the real world? And Meredith Grey makes far less that I would have imagined...
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And speaking of Grey's Anatomy, Katherine Heigl is a smoker. That turns me off totally... of course, as the episodes have rolled by, and Steph Leann and I have watched them season by season, I'm beginning to think that I find Meredith more attractive than Izzie. My lovely wife, however, is still a McDreamy fan.
Shouldn't the twentysometing hot blonde be preferrable to the late 30s brunette? Perhaps not. Maybe is a sign 'm getting older. I mean, thirtysomething Steph Leann is preferrable any blonde I know.
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FYI... just saw this story on Fox News. Because I know her, I actually knew this months ago. I've seen them together. It was so odd, I called my wife and my sister to tell them so. Personally, I am surprised it took this long to hit the news, but really don't think its a big deal.
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Want a way to kill, like, an hour when you should be working? I got four words for ya...
Celebrity Mustache dot com
It has a great picture of a mulleted Michael Bolton AND a Stamos sighting
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Crap! I can't believe we missed it! Bidding ended on June 1st! (well, it cost $5,000 to ship, so I guess its okay that I didn't win it)
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Went to Wal-Mart earlier tonight, and three things caught my attention...
1) As I was driving through the parking lot, the ice cream truck was pulled over. Next to it were three police cars, officers walking around the truck, and some dude being interrogated. I was expecting Chris Hansen to walk out holding chat transcript and say "why don't you have a seat right there". (by the way, I'm totally buying his book)
2) I stopped by Sonic (settle down, settle down, I had a grilled chicken sandwich and a Coke. No tots. For those who know me well, "no tots" is a big sacrifice). While I waited for the food, I heard Gwen Stefani's "Sweet Escape" over head. Now, I like this song, I really do... but I have heard it SIX times this weekend, none on the radio--its in restaurants, gas stations and on tv shows. And I always hear Akon's "woo-hoo! wee-hoo! woo-hoo! wee-hoo!"
3) Every Wal-Mart has this aisle they just throw various crap like books, toys, electronics, socks, baby gear, and slap a red sticker on it with a "get this crap outta here!" price on it. While perusing the aisle, I noticed a radio/cassette Walkman. When I was in 8th grade (in 1989), I wanted one soooo badly. It was like, $40, and no 8th grader has $40 lying around. So I never got one. Tonight, however? $4. Four dollars. I almost bought it just on principal.
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As reported to me first by my friend Nikki, they are planning to build a Harry Potter theme park in Orlando's Universal Studios. How much fun will that be? Perhaps it will be done by Thanksgiving, when we head that way.
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Watching some of MTV's Movie Awards, and like it has been the past few years, its pretty boring. Of course, Sarah Silverman's really dirty (but really, really funny) jab at Paris Hilton was great, if only because they cut to Paris in the audience, and she was not happy.
Mike Myers got the Generation Award, or whatever they call it, and though I like Mike Myers, it surprised me that when he came out to accept it, he got a good applause... but no standing ovation. They always give standing O's when getting a special award like this... but not this time. The Sports Guy said it once, and I agree... has any series of movies held up worse over time (as in, we just don't quote or talk about them like we did when they were new) than the Austin Powers movies? Except maybe the Wayne's World movies?
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Two songs I just downloaded... "What a Fool Believes" by The Doobie Brothers (with Michael McDonald singing lead), and "This Is It" by Kenny Loggins.
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New movie called "Good Luck Chuck" coming out this summer. Starring Dane Cook, its about a guy who finds himself the victim of some curse because when he sleeps with a girl, she finds the man of her dreams. This makes him very popular with the ladies who are looking to settle down.
The only reason I mention this is because this has been done before... well, not exactly, but I found myself in the midst of a similar situation. Like, from 1993 to 1996, I was in this streak where six out of seven girls I dated married the guy they dated after me, including Chrissy Bullock, Heather Howell and Melanie Jackson, (whom I count because she didn't really date Reggie McCallister).
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Because I've always loved her, even since college, I naturally try to see any movie featuring The Hollywood Goddess. Her latest flick, "Bug", stars said Goddess and some guy named Michael Shannon, who starred in the stage play the film is based on.
The Hollywood Goddess plays Agnes, who, for whatever reason, actually lives in a rundown Oklahoma middle-of-nowhere motel room. She works in a lesbetarian bar with her friend R.C., and one night R.C. brings into Agnes' room a strange guy named Peter Evans (Michael Shannon). He actually sounds like Peter Weller, to be honest.
Anyway, long story short, Peter gets paranoid that he is crawling with bugs, internally and externally, and Agnes is so lonely and desperate for anything to believe in, she hangs on his every word... and slowly, the couple... (wait for the cliche)... descends into madness.
This movie was weird. I'm not even sure if this qualifies for The McGriddle Effect, to be honest with you. As soon as the lights came on at the end, this brother and his boo in the front row both stood up, and he shouted "We gotta get up outta here".
"Bug" makes for another entry into a unfortunately growing longer line of crap that The Goddess has found herself a part of. Perhaps after I finally do my Nic Cage blog, I'll do one about my love and devotion to Ashley Judd.
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And finally, my favorite Lionel Richie song is "Stuck On You". Its a great little that says "Im stuck on you, I got this feelin' down deepin my soul that I just can't lose... I guess I'm on my way. I needed a friend, and the way I feel now I guess I'll be with you 'til the end... I guess I'm on my way. I'm mighty glad you stayed."
Story goes that Lionel was on tour in the early 80s, and he was at a truck stop. Big trucker dude came up, and told Lionel how much he loved that "Once, two times, three times my lady" song. Lionel smiled, accepted the compliment, and the trucker followed it up with, "Yeah, reminds me of my ol' lady. We been together a long time. I shore am stuck on her."
The phrase "stuck" with Lionel and he went back to his hotel room and wrote "Stuck On You" in about thirty minutes. And now you know.
And knowing is half the battle. (GI JOE!!! Woo-hoo! Wee-hoo! Woo-hoo! Wee-hoo!)
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