The Semi Finals Begin: Guys Night

According to the stats that Seacrusty and Fox likes to toss up, there are less grains of sand on this world's beaches than people who auditioned this year.  There are fewer stars in the sky than the average amount of hopefuls who showed up to try and make it.  There are less screw-ups in ObamaCare than the number of people who tried out... well, there are a lot of screw-ups in ObamaCare... maybe the number might be equal.

Needless to say, right here on this here Coffee blog here we have chronicled, night by night, the auditions, who to watch for, who sounded good, who sounded great, who is overrated and who is underrated.  And, of course, Bayley Brown! came back.  We've whittled it down to only 24 people, 12 dudes and 12 chicks... and tonight, the dudes start the show...

THIS IS 

AMERICAN

IDOL GUYS NIGHT

Some weird announcer voice comes up, and invites us to welcome the judges... Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler... Jennifer Lo... and Randy Jackson, the Dawg... and here comes Ryan Seacrusty himself, telling us its The Big Time!

On Thursday, we find out who joins the Idol Finals, as the Top Five Guys and Top Five Chick vote getters will advance, and each judge gets a Wild Card Pick, rounding out a Top 13 Finals.

And remember, Seacrusty informed us that one of the previously cut dudes was coming back--Big Jermaine.. Jerkweed Cowboy... Lil Pimp... or Johnny Keyser will come back tonight, through some magic of "we are Fox and we'll do it how we want to..."  And who is that?  We'll find out later...

The Idol dudes could pick any song they want (though I'm sure it had to be approved due to rights), and tonight, Reed Grimm gets the pole position, going first.  Singing "Moves Like Jagger," Reed kicks off the semi-final round.  His version is very bluesy, and he does a bit on a small drum set on stage.  And he flails so much, his mic pops off at the end.

Randy the Dawg thought it was a great kick-off to the show, as did J-Lo, and Creepy Uncle Steven loved his little fancy footwork shuffley thing.

In the 2nd spot, here comes 27 year old, Pittsburgh native White Chocolate!  And strangely enough, he goes right after the "didn't expect you to sing that song" vote, as he takes on Aretha's "Think".  Though he might have a large black woman trapped in his body, sorta like Tyler Perry, to me, its just not coming out tonight.  This is kind of a boring performance.  Sad.

However, the judges feel differently.  They loved it.

And now is a guy that we saw very little of until like, last week.  That's right, its D'Kenny G.  Sorry, this kid just bores me.  Not interested.  Campbell is crying a bit in the background of the room, and his swingy chair is playing some music... I'm only guessing it is enhancing D'Kenny G's song.  He's got some chops, but I'm just not impressed.

However, the judges feel differently.  They loved it.

Now, here comes one of the guys that The Lovely Steph Leann is rooting for... Colton Dixon.  The dude who's sister auditioned, had the judges coerce him into auditioning (again) and he ends up making it, after his sister gets cut.  Singing some Paramore, he sits at a piano... and in addition to The Lovely Steph Leann, I genuinely like this guy.

However the judges feel, they loved it.

And now, Jeremy Risotto is doing some Sara Bareillis, the song being "Gravity".  I'm a little torn, as I don't know that I would have picked this song, but I'd feel bad if Jeremy messed up one that I really like, like "Love Song", probably my favorite song of the last ten years.

However, the judges feel differently.  They loved it.

Good to get some color in here!  And now its Aaron Marcellus Wallace!  He's a regular dude with a big dream, because this means everything to him.  He's singing The Jackson 5's "Never Can Say Goodbye", and he's got an advantage over most of the other guys, being black and all.  Personally, out of five auditions that were just pretty good, this one feels like my favorite thusfar.

However the judges feel, differently.  They loved it.

This season's country crooner, as Seacrusty called him, is Chase Likens... singing "Storm Warning", he's got a voice made for country radio, flat out.  And the name, "Chase Likens", sounds like a country name.  He's not blowing me away, but I can see him being successful at some point.

However the judges feel, they loved it.

The stage now belongs to The Welfare Justin Timberlake, aka, Creighton Fraker.  He wins the award for Most Likely To Come Out During the Run of Idol This Season... and Welfare Timberlake is keeping the ballad trend going by doing one of my least favorite Cyndi Lauper song, "True Colors".   And it kinda put me to sleep. No joke, I just nodded off three times.

However, the judges feel differently.  They loved it.

Phillip Phillips, the pawn shop worker, has joined us now.  Phillip2 is doing Phil Collins' "In the Air Tonight", and I dig it.  Its dirty, its raw, its bluesy and I can dig it.  Best so far tonight, I thought.

However, the judges... sensing a pattern here?

The little girls go crazy as Eben Beiber is up next!  He sat next to Lil Pimp and was chosen over said Lil Pimp on the last Hollywood show.  Eben Beiber is doing "Set Fire to the Rain" from Adele.  Can you imagine how a 15 year old would sing a grown up song like "Set Fire to the Rain"?  That's how Eben Beiber is doing right now.  But I'm guessing he'll make it through, due to the legions of little girls who will follow him incessantly.  Eh, it was okay.  Seems like he's taking it just one step at a time.

However, the judges feel differently.  They loved it.

I think the producers are split on Hey Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better) because on one hand, he's funny, and fun, and cutie patootie and you never know what he'll say and talented and on and one... but on the other hand, do they want THIS GUY to be their American Idol?   Seriously?   So, Hey Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better) is doing "Angels", as she shows off his sensitive side.  Good vocals, but I'm bored, again.

The judges felt like it might be the wrong song.

However, the judges loved it.

And the Pimp Spot, the final spot of the night, here's Joshua Lidet doing some Jennifer Hudson, as in, "Pull Me Through."  Geez!  I'm freakin' bored!  I mean, great voice, sounds good, but the song is a ballady type song, crossed with an inspiration song, and it equals I'm sleepy.

However, the judges feel differently.  They loved it.

Just like they loved every other song sung tonight.  Every.  Single.  Tune.  Could we get Simon to just phone in for a few minutes?

And finally... who comes back?  Well, its not other than Big Jermaine... which makes me very, very happy.  I love this dude.  He's doing Luther's ballad "Dance with My Father", and its not perfect, but I want this guy to go on to the next round.

Of course, the judges loved it.

My favorites of the night... Phillip2... Aaron Marcellus Wallace... Colton Dixon... Joshua Lidet... Big Jermaine... Hey Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better)... Reed Grimm... Chase Likens.... White Chocolate...Eben Beiber... Jeremy Risotto... The Welfare Justin Timerlake... D'Kenny G


My predictions on who will advance:  Phillip2... Colton Dixon... Joshua Lidet... Hey Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better)... Reed Grimm.  Possible wild card selections might be Big Jermaine... The Welfare Justin Timberlake... D'Kenny G.  

TOMORROW NIGHT... THE CHICKS TAKE OVER

The 2012 Oscar Live Blog Running Diary Thing Post Column

Before we get started, you must note two things... (1) I got a new laptop.  I'm not typing on that laptop at this second, I'm still on my old one, but for reasons I'll explain later, I got a new laptop.  (2) My Internet connection worked fine at 550pm.  Because I had a simple problem with a forgotten password on my router, meaning to connect to the interweb on the new laptop I had to get it reset, it seemed like a simple fix.  However, combine that problem with an idiot from AT&T named Chris McBride (yeah, you) telling me to do something stupid which shut my entire wireless system down...

...90 minutes later, two router resets, a page scribbled with random multi-letter and number passwords and about 982 visits to "control panel", I finally got connected.  My old laptop and the new one.  However, The Lovely Steph Leann's laptop is not connecting at all, no matter what we do.

So now, there was over an hour on the phone with some chick named Angel, then the dinner dash I made that was supposed to be made around 6pm, not at 748p, and here it is, 820p, and we are 50 minutes behind the program's starting time...

SO... that being said, lets get the Oscar Blog On!

821p... From the Hollywood Center, formerly the Kodak Theater though Kodak got its name off of it due to its bankruptcy, its the 84th Academy Awards.

833p... Now we finally get to start it.  And due to the DVR limitations of recording a certain amount of time, plus a hollerin' three month old, we are finally starting.  Plus, we have missed part of the opening of Billy Crystal's Oscar hosting.  That dude Chris McBride?  He sucks. 

836p...  Billy comes out and calls the arena the "chapter 11 theater..." Wonderful!   We missed Billy.

840p... Its his 9th time hosting, and he refers to himself as a "war horse", and I'm glad he's back.  He does his traditional all-best-pic-nom-inclusive opening musical number, and with camera pans to Clooney, Pitt and many others, they are glad he's back too.

841p... The first award of the night!  Tom Hanks comes out to Cinematography... what is cinematography?  I dunno.  I think landscapes, but who knows.  I picked "Hugo" and I won!   Hanks is now giving out Art Direction, and I can tell this is a night where the Oscar producers are like, "Hey, lets go go go... get this thing moving now."  I picked "The Artist", and it looks like "Hugo" wins again. 

847p...  Billy says, "At the 'Your name here' theater..."  Another funny shot at Kodak. 

849p... Being a movie fan, I love love looooove these movie clip montages, because I know I've seen most of them--this one has everything from "Jaws" to "Cape Fear" to "There's Something About Mary".  Its gotta be cool as an actor to watch other movies too, to truly understand the craft and the effort. 

851p... Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lopez come out, both in white, willowy dresses.  J-Lo and Cam-D give a nod to 8 time Oscar winner Edith Head, and are here to give Costume Design... I chose "The Artist" in this.  And the winner is... "The Artist"!  That's 2-1 for me tonight...

853p... J-Lo and Cam-D are racing through this category, now for "Best Makeup".  I went with "Albert Nobbs", a movie that I can almost certainly guarantee by 103% that I will never, ever, never, never, ever see.  Nothing about that movie interests me at all.  Just sayin'.

855p... And the Oscar goes to "The Iron Lady", the Margaret Thatcher movie that again, I will be very unlikely to ever see.  Not that I'm anti-Thatch... just doesn't interest me.  Sorry if you are a M-Thatch fan.   So I'm 2-2 thus far.

I guess its time to tell you about our Oscar Challenge... myself, my buddy Mikey, my buddy Drewski and Hurricane Rhett have this little thing going, as described on the latest episode of The Deucecast.  We all picked our winners, and whoever comes out first wins.  And the winner will require the other three to watch whatever movie the winner chooses... which means I could easily make Hurricane Rhett watch the Amanda Bynes' classic "Sydney White", and make Drewski watch the immortal "First Daughter" with Katie Holmes, and of course, Mikey would get to see Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen shine in "It Takes Two".  I hope I win.

857p... Various celebrities are telling us their first movies they've ever seen.  I can tell you the few that I remember first... "Every Which Way But Loose", with Clint Eastwood and Clyde the orangutan... "The Muppet Movie"... and "The Shining".   Yep.  At 5 years old, I'm sitting at a drive-in watching an evil hotel possess Jack Nicholson. 

The Lovely Steph Leann says she remembers "ET" and "Annie" first.  "ET" is fabulous.  "Annie"... not so much.

859p... Sandra Bullock is out to give the Best Foreign Film award, and she gives it in Mandarin Chinese.  Sorta funny.  I picked "A Separation" from Iran, though that's a crapshoot.  And I win!  Rule!

903p... Christian Bale, who won last year's Supporting Actor Award for "The Fighter" and deservedly so, is here for Best Supporting Actress.

The Lovely Steph Leann:  Its so weird hearing him talk in his native British. 

I feel like former divas Chyna, Lita and
Melina are thinking "why not me?!"

906p... And in one of the first least-suspenseful moments of the night, Octavia Spencer wins for "The Help".  We knew this would happen.  She gets a part standing ovation, and Octavia actually seems surprised.  Really?  Really?  Come on, Octavia... you knew this was coming.  And the rest of the audience stands up, including big smiles from George Clooney, and his boo, the former WCW Nitro Girl and WWE Diva Stacy Keibler.  Dig it!

The Lovely Steph Leann:  I love Melissa McCartney.

907p... Octavia spits out a charming speech as fast as she can, as she says, "I know the screen says to wrap up, I'm trying!"

909p... Billy: "I loved 'The Help'... when I saw it, I wanted to hug the first black woman I saw.  Which in Beverly Hills, was about a 45 minute drive..."   And now we see a big on "focus groups", starring the Christopher Guest troupe with Eugene Levy, Fred Willard, Catherine O'Hara and Guest himself.   Oh, and Stifler's mom.

913p... Tina Fey and Bradley Cooper come out is out for Film Editing, to which I picked "Hugo". And the Oscar goes to... "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo".  Crap.   And for Sound Editing, I went with "Drive".  And the winner?  "Hugo". 

I feel like, when this night is all over, "Hugo" will have won more Oscars than any other movie tonight... maybe nothing big, but all the smaller ones will add up to like, 7 Oscars.  Should I see this movie?

918p... Tina and Bradley keep going, this time with Sound Mixing, to which I picked "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo".  I feel like this award should be called Best Sound, and one movie should win all three of these.  And "Hugo" gets two of the three.  Stupid "Hugo".  I'm 3-4 right now.

920p... Pause to fix a baby bottle

924p... Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy!   And Cirque de Soleil!  Two members of the troupe were sitting in the audience in between Sandy Bullock and Meryl Streep, who were both grinning big to be there.  Its a performance that shows us "what its like to go to the movies", and its kinda fun.  And it gets a standing O.

929p... Billy:  "I pulled a hamstring just watching that... we got puppets, acrobats, we are one pony away from being a bar mitzvah!"

930p... Robert Downey Jr and Gwyneth Paltrow are out now, with RDJ doing some sort of funny walk out from backstage.  He says, "I'm filming a documentary called 'The Presenter'".  The category is Documentary... I had to go with "Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory", mostly because the story is incredible, but also because of Hollywood's fascination with the story.

933p... So naturally, "Undefeated" wins, a film about high school football. 

933p... Wait... what?

934p... The "Undefeated" guys become the first ones of the night to get played off stage for taking too long.

934p... Chris Rock comes out for Animation, and I'm digging his afro.  He then does a great schpeel about how easy it is to do animated film... hilarious.  My pick for this category is "Rango", though I'm intrigued by "Chico & Rita".  And the Oscar goes to... "Rango"!  Finally!  I get another one! 

937p... I don't know if "Rango" is worthy of the best animated film of the year, though there wasn't a ton of competition this year (Pixar's usual contender wasn't contending this year, not with Cars 2)... but "Rango" is drawn really, really well. 

939p... I know my buddy Mikey is excited... there's a bit with Melissa McCartney, who he loves. 

Just as cute as a bucket of puppies... though I can't
say that bow did her much good.

939p... Emma Stone and Ben Stiller come out now to present Best Visual Effects... can I say I just love me some Emma Stone?  Like, in practically everything she has done I've been happy about.  I used to say that Emma Stone is who Lindsay Lohan should have been... now its almost like Lindsay Lohan is the bad version of Emma Stone. 

942p... I selected "Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows Part 2" to win this.   But I'm afraid "Hugo" will take this one too.  I think that Hurricane Rhett will wet himself if "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" wins, though, just because he will be able to say, "I love that Oscar winning movie, 'Transformers: Dark of the Moon'"...

943p... "Hugo".

The Lovely Steph Leann:  Really?  Is this going to win everything?  Why can't Harry Potter win something? 

I agree.

945p... Billy:  Harry Potter made 7.7 billion dollars.  Yet, he only paid 14% income tax...

945p... Melissa Leo, who won Supporting Actress for "The Fighter", is out to give the Best Supporting Actor award.  Christopher Plummer will win this for one main reason... he plays an old man who comes out of the closet.  Hollywood frikkin' love this kind of crap.  Last year, the "gay" movie was "The Kids are Alright", which sucked.  This year, its "Beginners".  Plus, throw in the fact that Chris Plummer, a Hollywood icon and legend, has never won an Oscar, AND he's playing an elderly gay man--for the win.

948p... And in the second "Foregone Conclusion" of the night, Christopher Plummer wins an Oscar at the age of 84, becoming the oldest actor to ever win one.  And he gets the standing O, as per usual.

950p... I imagine this exchange:
Tech guy:  Plummer's been talking for several minutes... should I cut him off?
Producer:  Crap no... don't you dare cut off Plummer.  If Jonah Hill wins, you give him 30 seconds... but when Plummer starts talking, you let him talk.

950p... How the heck does Milla Jovavich end up sitting in the first few rows of the freakin' Academy Awards? 

953p... Billy Crystal is about to do his "what is the audience thinking" segment... the camera flashed to a celebrity, and Billy says what they are thinking... they show Brad Pitt, and Billy says, "I hope this doesn't run to late, I have six parent teacher conferences tomorrow..."  Brad doesn't seem amused, but the audience cracks up.

955p... Does anyone else hear some random beeping or musical tones?  Its like, their mics are jacked or something... I know its not my tv, because when I pause it, I don't hear it...

957p... And here comes Owen Wilson and Penelope Cruz, out for Best Score.  I'm thinking "The Artist" in this is probably a foregone conclusion moment, since the entire movie is just music.  And, as per usual, I'm right!  I'm dead even at 6-6... not a good record thusfar.

1001p... Will Ferrel and Zach Galifianakis are out, rising from the orchestra pit, both clanging cymbals.  Zach says, "One of these Song nominees will join such winners like 'The Way We Were' and 'Over the Rainbow' and 'Its Hard Out Here for a Pimp'".   Of course, I chose "Man or Muppet"... and the Oscar goes to... "Man or Muppet" from "The Muppets". 

1004p... Pan to Jason Segel, who is as pleased as punch.  Part of the reason I like him is that he is such a genuine Muppet fan.  And he was the best, perhaps only good part, of "Bad Teacher".

1006p... Billy:  Looking at all of you here, why don't we all just chip in and buy the Dodgers?

1006p... Angelina Jolie comes out to give the award for Adapted Screenplay.  I think I'm supposed to find her really attractive, and I actually find her mildly cute.  Maybe.  Give me Kate Winslet, The Goddess, Reese Witherspoon or Amy Adams (whom I'm in love with) any day.

1008p... I picked "Moneyball" in this category, thinking it would be the one award that it would win.  But I'm afraid "Hugo" will pick this one up too.  The winner is... "The Descendants".  In fairness, I'm okay with it, because I really, really want to see that film.

1010p... Original Screenplay?  I picked "Midnight in Paris", which is coming tomorrow via Netflix, and I'm kind of excited.  "Bridesmaids" would be a fun winner, but I think Woody Allen's "Paris" is the sentimental choice.  The winner? "Midnight in Paris"!  And Woody never comes to the Oscars, so Angelina accepts it for him and walks away.

1012p... A montage of actors and directors answering the question, "What makes a great movie?" and The Lovely Steph Leann is thrilled when Reese Witherspoon says, "When I don't feel good I love watching Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell in 'Overboard'... its my favorite movie.  No kidding."

1014p... How the heck does Milla Jovavich get to be a presenter at the Oscars?  Have you seen anything she's done?  Holy crap?  Milla presents the montage for the Techie Awards that aren't important enough to be broadcast. 

1016p... Billy:  "This has been a strong year for female characters... some wore high heels, like The Iron Lady or J. Edgar...."

1016p... All of the Bridesmaids come out together, with Kristen, Maya, Melissa and the other three.  Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph tosses out a bunch of innuendos for Live Action Short... I picked "Time Freak".  And in seeing the clip of "Time Freak", I knew I had lost.  "The Shore" wins. 

1019p... Best Documentary Short... I went with "The Barber of Birmingham: Foot Soldier of the Civil Rights Movenent" for two reasons... (1) the word "Civil" and (2) the word "Rights"... and who wins?  "Saving Face".  Really?  I guess Hollywood figures it is getting its white guilt reparations on giving awards to "the Help".  Dang it.

1022p... Because I like long titles since they seem more impressive, I picked "The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore" for Best Animated Short.  The Oscar goes to?  "The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore"!  Long titles win! 

1025p... Here comes Michael Douglas to give out Best Director, telling an anecdote about a guy named Leo who tried to finance a movie.  And then he calls out the nominees... I went out on a limb and picked Woody Allen  for "Midnight in Paris", but I feel like Michel Hazanavicius for "The Artist" will pick this up.  Unless "Hugo" wins it, though I think "Hugo" is done for the night.

1027p... The Oscar goes to... Michel Hazanavicius for "The Artist".

1029p... The Lovely Steph Leann:  Great.  Campbell waits all day, and now... he poops.  He's pooping right now. 

1030p... Another Hollywood icon, Meryl Streep, comes out, and tells us about The Governors Awards, celebrating the special contributions of three very special members of The Academy... Oprah!  James Earl Jones!  And a guy named Dick, who did makeup for a long, long time.

1032p... Oprah won a Humanitarian award, though right now she's Skinny O.  Good thing.. it would have been awkward to give Fat O two awards, one for each of her.  Oh! 

1034p... In Memorium.  I don't think we'll see Jack-A** star Ryan Dunn, who died in a drunk driving accident caused by himself.

1035p... Whoever is singing "What a Wonderful World", this chick has a huge afro... like, huge.  Huge.  Love it.

The image you didn't see in the Oscars dead people montage.  Rest in
peace, Ryan... even though you were an idiot, and your own drinking
and driving while doing 80 got yourself and another dude killed. 

1036p... We do see Whitney Houston, though.  And some of them, like Sidney Lumet and Steve Jobs, get sound bites and/or film clips... and Elizabeth Taylor predictably gets the last shot.  Well, other than Big 'fro Lady.

1039p... Three awards left... but first, we have a poopy diaper to change.  Back in a sec...

1046p... The Lovely Steph Leann:  You know, I don't really know all the ingredients in baby formula... but I just don't understand how his poopy can actually be flourescent green.

1049p... Actors answer the question "What do you see in movies?" Ed Norton, Julia Roberts, Phil S. Hoffman, RDJ, Jonah Hill, Bobby DeNiro, Tom Cruise and Patton Oswalt, who I'm a big fan of. 

1051p... While I kid when I say my buddy Mikey loves Melissa McCarthy (he doesn't), I am not kidding when I say he loves loves loooooves Natalie Portman (he does).  I mean, like, restraining order kinda love.

1057p... Oh yeah, Best Actor... I picked, correctly as we find out, Jean Dujardin for "The Artist" takes the Oscar home. 

11p... The Lovely Steph Leann almost drops Campbell as her main squeeze and namesake of The Colin Firth Club comes out to give the Best Actress award. 

1102p... I'm not trying to be mean...but Viola Davis looks terrible.  Thats not a race thing, thats a she-looks-awful thing.  Her hair is just bad. 

1105p... The only SHOCKER of the night... Meryl Streep wins the Academy Award for Best Actress, and Viola Davis loses.  Well, its not so much a shocker as a mild surprise, because I think Viola was the odds on favorite, maybe heavy favorite...

1108p... This is happening...
Techie:  Okay, do I start the music?
Producer:  If Chris Plummer can keep talking, you'd better dang straight let Meryl Streep talk until Tuesday if she wants to...

1109p... Tom Cruise comes out to give away Best Picture... and I already know the answer.  See, stupid MSNBC keeps popping up "alerts" on my phone, even though I have turned them off 1000 times--and it just dinged, and as I looked over, I saw MSNBC say "The Artist" wins Best Picture.  Stupid MSNBC

1111p... And for one of the only times, MSNBC doesn't tell a story or manipulate the truth--"The Artist" wins Best Picture. 

1115p... So, I'm counting the awards and picks and such... and I'll have to count again, and get a second opinion... but I think I won the Oscar Challenge.  Its a poor showing, with only 12 of the 24 awards picked correctly, but I might be enough...

1124p... Final score.. Hurricane Rhett - 12... d$ - 12... Mike - 11... Drewski - 6. 
Looks like Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen will get their Oscar moment after all.  At Mikey's house.

There's Only 24 Idols in a Day

So here we are, the final night of the Idol preliminary rounds.   We jumped ahead a second or two to find out that White Chocolate had made the cut...

In addition to the just added White Chocolate, we've Jen Hirsh... The Welfare Justin Timberlake... Joshua Lidet... Haley Johnson... Elise Testosterone... Reed Grimm... EVP... Chelsea Somethingorother... Bayley Brown!... Hey Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better)... Phillip2... Jessica Sanchez... Colton Dixon... and Brielle Von Hugel...

Now, let's fill those other 9 spots.  Again, here's the bullet points...

First up, here's Jeremy Rosado... he's been hanging out with Young Pimp David Leathers... Eben Beiber... and Ariel Spray (?)... and his final performance brought us a smooth version of something I have no clue what it is.  We notice his tongue is yellow.  I speculate it from the smokes.  The Lovely Steph Leann thinks it might be from a lozenge.

J-Lo brags on him and says, "There's no way we don't want you in the Top 24 this year."  Sort of a double negative, but her smile says he makes it.

Eight Spots Remain.

Shannon Magrane, 16, the object of Creepy Uncle Steven's "hot and happening" remark from way back a few weeks ago.  She sings "Love is a Many Splendored Thing" and sings it quite well as her solo song.  And Shannon Magrane makes it.

Seven Spots Remain.

Scott Dangerfield, one of those guys we've seen very little of this entire season, is up next. They show his solo performance as a hip, cool rendition of "Folsom Prison Blues", though his little clip was very brief, making me think they didn't spend much time on him for a reason.  As in, he won't matter after this episode.  As in, he won't make it past this spot.  As in, I was right.  He's gone.

Said earlier this episode by me... "I'll be Eben Beiber and Young Pimp David Leathers face off at the end with one spot left, for dramatic effect..." and The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Oh no way!  That would be horrible!"  Just now, as a clip of Eben and Pimp (sounds like the world's worst law firm) sitting together as Seacrusty says, "Our two youngest contestants face off for one spot remaining..."  Told ya.

Now, its Skylar Laine, a country chick who did "Fancy" on solo performance sing-for-your-life-day.   Of course, I hate that song, so I'm not a good judge of how she did.  Either way, SkyLaine makes it.

Six Spots Remain

Hallie Day makes it.  Chase Likens makes it.  Aaron Marcellus Wallace makes it.  Its like Idol decided to get through this quickly.

One chick spot remains.  Two guy spots remain.  

Last year, Deandre Kenny G made it all the way to the Final Judgement round.  This year, Deandre Kenny G has made it again to the Final Judgment round.  He sounds alot like the 90s R&B star D'Angelo that was in that video naked.  Just sayin'.   Anyway, this year, Deandre Kenny G takes another spot.

One chick spot, one guy spot left.

We see Jermiane Jones now, but this is anti-climactic, because we know this final spot will go to either Lil Pimp or Eben Beiber, so now its just to hear how they let him down.  We see the video of his solo performance, of which I could not pay attention to as I was staring at his hideous vest.  If Randy the Dawg says, "Dude, that vest was terrible", I'd understand it.  And we see a clip of him finally breaking down in the waiting room, barely able to handle the pressure.  Vest notwithstanding, Randy the Dawg gives him the bad news.

One chick spot, one guy spot left.

Shelby Twitter... Aerosol Spray... Hollie Cavanagh... three young chicks left, all making the walk to their final judgement, all to see which one will advance, and which two will go home.   The winner is Hollie, while Shelby and Aerosol go home with nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  Losers.

All chick spots filled.  One guy spot left.

Back to The Final Judgement.  Two guys left.  Eben Beiber... Lil' Pimp... two young dudes, one final spot.  This is it.  Frankly, I'm surprised that Hey Jun! (he'll take a sad song and make it better) wasn't saved for last, because Idol kept doing that to him, but here we are.

In the final solo performance, Lil Pimp did some old school Michael Jackson, while Eben Beiber went with an alto Joe Cocker... they both want this more than anything.  This means everything.  This is all they want to do.

And the results?  Lil Pimp doesn't make it... Eben Beiber does.  Hugs all around, and I think Eben Beiber has the tears, and not Lil Pimp. The Lovely Steph Leann groans and makes, for the 927th time this episode, a comment about how hard this is, and how tough this must be, and sounds like "wow" and "humph..."

Seacrusty has been telling us that there was some news to hear, something that will shake up the whole thing... apparently, the judges felt that there was a need to reinstate one of the guys to make a Top 13.  Either Johnny Keyser, Jermaine Jones, Jerkweek Cowboy or Lil Pimp will be joining the show.  We'll find out who, live on Tuesday!

Idol's Final Judgement (part one)

Now... its time.  Its real.  Its real time.  Its Idol Judgement.  Next week, the voters decide.  The live shows begin, and the voters take over.  But tonight, we have 42 Idols to deal with.  Those 42 must be transposed, and will turn into 24.

Tonight, the Final 42 are back in Las Vegas, and after being treated to some Cirque type show, in which half the Idols look disinterested and bored, they return to this same stage for one final song, backed by one single instrument.

And after those performances, they will be judged by J-Lo, Randy the Dawg and Crazy Creepy Uncle Steven.

THIS


IS


AMERICAN IDOL


FINAL JUDGEMENT

Idol is calling them one personality at a time, and as they walk to find their final fate down the walkway, up to the deus to sit in the lonely chair, facing the judges.  And American Idol apparently will recap those solo performances along the way to getting our 12 guys and 12 girls selected for The Semi Finals.

• Jen Hirsh is up first.  Firsch?  Her final song is some song called "I Need You" or "I Want You" or "Baby I Need and Want You" or something like that... it was very breathy.  And Jen becomes the first into the Semis.
• Up next... Creighton Fraker, aka, The Welfare Justin Timberlake.  His solo song was "A New York State of Mind", and to me, sounds a little self-indulgent.   BACKSTORY ALERT!!!  Wait, what?  He found out his biological dad was the lead singer of the 80s band Flotsem & Jetsom.  Seriously.
• I like the fact you can call his dad's wife "Mother Fraker".  And looks like I'll be typing "The Welfare Justin Timberlake" over and over, as he makes it through.  

This could be Lauren Grey's future--she could do worse,
I guess.

• Lauren Grey is coming up next.  She has a very lounge-singery kind of voice... that's a good thing.  I see her in a sexy red dress atop a piano, singing "Making Whoopiee", a'la Michelle Pfieffer in "The Fabulous Baker Boys", in some smokey jazz bar named "The Blue Martini" or something.  And the judges tell her she didn't make it this year.  The Lovely Steph Leann gives a slight, disheartened, "Mmm..."
• Joshua Lidet, the PK, makes the long walk to destiny.  Randy the Dawg starts out with the whole "we have to say goodbye to so many people and its hard on us to tell people no" schpeel, before giving him the predictable "you made it, bro."
• Some chick named Blaire didn't make it... and Naomi, that I only slightly remember seeing, ever.  And I guess that's okay, because Idol gave them so little airtime, we had no chance to even like or dislike them.  
• Haley Johnson moves in next.  And Creepy Uncle Steven stretches it out before telling her she goes through.  Before he could even say it, though, The Lovely Steph Leann says, "She goes through."
• And now, Neco Starr, who sang some ballad to J-Lo in his solo performance... how come I'm having trouble figuring out what some of these songs are?  His hair is awesome, having definitely been enhanced by Soul-Glo (let yo' soooooouulll glow!!!!).  Randy the Dawg tells Neco that his soul didn't glo.  Neco goes away.
• Clayton Farhat (who?) says goodbye.  So does River St. James.  (WHO?!)  And rocker Caleb Johnson totally screws up his solo song and thus, he's done too.
• Elise Testosterone now makes the journey to the stage.  She kinda reminds me of a younger Maria Bello, if Maria Bello was battered by her man at a young age.  J-Lo does the "I'm going to talk to you and make you think you didn't make it, but then tell you that you did" bit... Elise Testosterone moves to the Idol Semis.
• Reed Grimm now moves on deck.  He's like, if Taylor Hicks and Casey Abrams had a baby, it would be this dude.  He sits in the Seat of Destiny, and he makes it through.
• And now, wedding singer and gummy Erika Van Pelt is featured.   Whatever song she sang in her solo performance, J-Lo openly says, "I don't like this song for her."  So, this might bode unwell.  J-Lo tells EVP that they had their eyes on her because of that voice, but the solo song really blew it.  However, EVP makes it to the Idol Semis
• And here comes country girl Chelsea SomethingorOther, who forgot her words in one of her earlier rounds--but is prompted to continue by Creepy Uncle Steven, which must infuriate those who forgot their words and were excoriated by the judges.  Chelsea Sorrell now faces the judges, who stretch it out again... she makes it.
• Baylie Brown!  Baylie Brown!  Baylie Brown!!!  Baylie Brown! sang "Here Comes Goodbye" in her solo performance, and when I question the song, The Lovely Steph Leann immediately says, "Lady A".  That's Lady Antebellum for you uninitiated.  In the same way that Death Cab for Cutie is really "Death Cab" for the real fans, Lady Antebellum is just "Lady A" for the real fans like The Lovely Steph Leann.  
• Anyway, Baylie Brown! makes it through!  
• And now its Cowboy Jerkweed Richie, who I kinda hope not only fails to make it, but also trips and falls off into the water on the way back from getting the bomb dropped on him.   Idol shows us a very boring version of "Ring of Fire" done in his solo performance.  And thankfully, Cowboy Jerkweed doesn't make it.  Unfortunately, he makes it back to the waiting room fully dry.
• Heejun Han  sits with Seacrusty, who asks him "So, what are you sweating?" to which Heejun says, in all seriousness, "Water."  And he does a far superior version of "A New York State of Mind" than The Welfare Justin Timberlake.  Does he make it?  Yes he does... and we shall call him Hey Jun.  He took a sad song, and made it better.  Wiping tears away and crying, Hey Jun walks back to the waiting room.
• Here comes Jessica Sanchez, who has been watching the show since she was 5 years old.  The same show I started watching at like 26 years old.  Oy.  And as she faces the judges, she's already crying.  And even more so as she's told she's going through.
• In the background, some tech dude crawls across the floor in a poor attempt to not been seen.
• Philip Phillips has a turn next.  And Philip2 gets his admission to the Idol Semis.
• Now, Colton Dixon made it to Hollywood last year and got cut... he wasn't going to audition this year, but when his sister Schylar came before the judges, they also asked, even demanded, that Colton try out too... and they both made it.
• And now, Schylar was cut last week, but Colton has made the Top 42.  And The Lovely Steph Leann digs her some Colton.  And so do the judges, as Colton Dixon moves on.  
• Up next, its Brielle Von Hugel and her mom, Camille.  Overbearing Mom?  Abso-smotherin'-lutely.  And Mama Camille will be around a little while longer, and Brielle flies through to the Semis.

By now, 14 spots are taken... there are 10 left.  The final showcase of the night is Adam "White Chocolate" Brock.  He does a slow rendition of "You Don't Know Me", but J-Lo is concerned a bit that White Chocolate doesn't quite know who he is.   And do we find out if he makes it?  Well, if it were Wednesday, we wouldn't, because this aired on Wednesday.  His fate was shown on Thursdays episode... so before the $ clan heads to bed, screaming child in tow, we start the DVR on tonight's show to find out.

White Chocolate's fate?  He makes it.  After stretching it to what, two nights?  Yeah, he makes it.

The Rest of the Top 24 Coming Friday Evening...

Those Frustrating Frustrations

I seldom get frustrated... yes, traffic, or more importantly, stupid people in traffic, frustrates me, but that's only a few minutes at a time.  When my computer gets wack (is it whack?  or wack?  what do y'all young folk say?  does anyone even use that word anymore?), it also frustrates me, but again, only a few minutes at a time.

But let's talk about little Campbell Isaiah.  That kid is as cute as a bucket of puppies, but sometimes, he gets more more frustrated than I've ever been.  Now, this is the part where you email me back and say, "Oh, I know!  That's part of it!" or "I told you it would be like that!" or "Let me tell ya, it only gets worse when they go mobile!" or some variation of that, so its okay, you can save such responses.  I have already heard them.

As all infants of his size and age do, or so I'm told, he cries when he's hungry.  And he cries when he is feeling a little gassy.  And when he gets that poop out, he cries.  And sometimes, he just cries for no reason at all.  Just because, methinks.  And its frustrating.

The Cabana is the third house on the left when you turn on our street.  As in many subdivisions, there are plenty of houses close together, and there happens to be a tall white fence between each house, near the front.  Thats important to note because it means you can't just walk out our door and walk around the house--you have to walk around the block.

So, Campbell Isaiah is having a complete meltdown... I unlock my front door, then open my garage, and walk out through the garage onto the street.  I walk a few houses down, take a left, walk up the block, take another left, walk the front of these same three houses, and then into my front door.  I walk through the house, then back out the garage again... wash, rinse repeat.  I repeat this same circle about 9 times, cradling Camp, patting him lightly on the bum, and he calms.  The moment I go inside again, say to him softly, "Okay little man, I'm going to sit for a minute", well, he ain't having none of it.  So, I get up and make the Campbell Circle again.  And again.  And again again again...

I'm a guy who wants to fix it.  I want to figure out what ails him, and make it better.  Give him some mylacon, or his pacifier, or just bounce him up and down for a little while, or change his diaper and clean him up or, oh its been two hours and 39 minutes, lets feed him, then burp him or whatever it takes to make him stop crying... not because the crying is driving me nuts, but I know he's crying because he's uncomfortable, and I want to make it better.  So I give him every comfort and benefit I can... yet sometimes, you'd think I'd put on a Streisand CD and made him watch "Jack & Jill" (the latest Sandler movie) because he's crying so much and is pitching such a fit. 

And its so frustrating.  He won't let me fix it, he won't tell me what's wrong, he just cries anyway.  

God's like that.

I find myself with every benefit and blessing I could ask for.  I have a house. I have a car.  I have a laptop and an iPod (two, actually) and an iPhone.  I have a great church.  I have a job, gainfully employed with an awesome manager and full benefits and access to warm cheese danishes at will.  My friends rule, both outside and inside of the church family.  The Lovely Steph Leann is amazing.  And of course, I got Campbell too.  

When Camp does this, I sometimes get frustrated.  But when I
do this, God loves me even more

And yet, I cry.  I cry because I don't get my way.  I wail because the book of James is too black and white when it comes to sin, and I don't want to read it.  I moan because I'm reading "The Resolution" and it strikes hard and is uncomfortable.  I whimper because what sometimes what God wants is not what feels good.  I cry and I cry and I cry because I don't get my way... I'm even so selfish that I have used the word "I' over 23 times in the last two paragraphs!

In the same way I hold Campbell tightly, pat him on the bum and back gently, rock him and quietly tell him how much I love him and how much I want him to be okay, God squeezes us in the same manner.  He pats us gently, rocks us, keeps us safe and warm, and though we wiggle, writhe and sometimes scream our heads off in what many times are fruitless and pointless fits, He tells us that He loves us.  I'm sure He is a little frustrated too, but He doesn't show it.  

And like my own son, when we finally realize that we are safe, when we finally realize and understand that even being a little uncomfortable is okay, we can stop wriggling, writhing, crying and wailing, and perhaps just relax into His arms.  Maybe suck on a proverbial paci, however that works.  

And its thoughts like this that keep me sane when I do have a screaming child in my arms... keeps me from being so frustrated.  Cause frustration is whack.  Wack?  Whax?  

Yeah.

Idol Hits The Vegas Strip

The Pepsi can is opened, and the voiceover says, "Enjoy the show".  The Lovely Steph Leann whispers to no one in particular, "Oh, we will..."

Over 742 million people auditioned, according to Seacrusty and Idol's stats... but now, we are down to only 70.  And tonight, we will trim that number even further.  Tonight, the Idols travel to Las Vegas to perform on the big stage... because they can't do that in Los Angeles, apparently.

THIS IS

VEGAS

IDOL,

BABY

Tonight, they'll be singing music from the 1950s & 60s, performing on the Viva Elvis stage, traveling by bus.  The groups have been instructed to form groups of three or four, and will be working with vocal coaches.  Like Peggy.  Remember mean Peggy? She's back!

And here are the highlights:

• Skylar Laine is having all kinds of trouble... she says, "All my friends got cut, so I'm lost without a group..."  She was placed in a group with Colton Dixon and two others.
• A quick look at the judges, and The Lovely Steph Leann merely says, "Wow.  Randy the Dawg's argyle sweater..."
• We also find out immediately that Colton's Sister is still in the group--first we've seen of her in weeks!
• Cari, Chase, Colton and Skylar are all dressed in their fancy 50s garb, and sound great.  I guess being in Vegas affords them the chance to dress up, and they've got an old Ford Mustang and 50s props behind them.  And the cuts are made immediately.  Chase, Colton and Skylar make it through... Cari Quoysnerourour goes home, just like that.
• The next group features four of the youngest contestants who have all been friends since they met in the Savannah audition line... and they are singing a song that seems easy enough, "Rockin' Robin", yet is turning out to be really hard.  
• The trick on doing these songs is that each person wants equal time to showcase their vocal talents... so "Rockin Robin" is divided up four ways, each taking random lines here and there, all trying to really shine.  And all four, including Little Pimp David Leathers, make it through.
• White Chocolate is leading three chicks in doing "Great Balls of Fire", jamming on the piano.  They all doing their thing all over the stage, looking kinda weird.  Angie Gaga freaks me out.  Erika Van Pelt didn't sound that great, and some chick named Shelby also kinda soured.  And they all live to sing another day.
• Dressed as USO Nurses, Schylar Dixon (Colton's missing sister), Brielle Von Hugel and some other chick do "Why Do Fools Fall In Love", though its not awesome.  Its decent, I guess.  Doesn't matter the other name, as she gets cut.  
• Seacrusty runs through a list of names we should know that were cut, like Wayne Wilson?  Aubrey Deckmayer?  Like, I vaguely remember these names... Stephanie Renae?  Ah, who cares.  They are gone.  
• Reed Grimm channels his inner Michael Buble with his group performance, doing Bobby Vee's "The Night has a Thousand Eyes".  Also in the group is Elise Testosterone!  Love this chick!  Haley Johnson sounds great!  And Lil Eban, who is a prime candidate for becoming The Lovely Steph Leann's Next American Idol, brings it to a close, and this is the best performance by any one Idol or group so far this season.
• And Jerkweed Cowboy Richie has joined up with Big Jermaine to make the only duo of the round.  And they are both baritones.  Ebony and Ivory.  And their song is proving to be difficult... Vocal Coach Debra sends them away to learn the melody of the song before practicing with the piano.  Cowboy Jerk is, of course, blaming Big Jermaine.  He says, "I didn't come here to recycle music.  I came here to make it."
• The Lovely Steph Leann and I both like Big Jermaine... "But I hope this doesn't screw Jermaine over", she says.
• Big Jermaine sounds great... but Jerkweek Cowboy sounds like Kermit the Frog is trying to do an imitation of himself.  But the judges liked it lots.  And they both make it through.
• Baylie Brown!!!!  
• Seacrusty shows us Chelsea Sorrell, and both The Lovely Steph Leann and I go, "Who?"
• One of our vocal coaches is Piesha McPhee... that's right, the mom of My Dear Kat McPhee!  
• We've got three Idols that have gotten virtually no screen time so far, and I seriously think that Kenny G is auditioning as a singer.  
• About Candice Glover, The Lovely Steph Leann says, "She's good, but her outfit is not.  A woman of size should not wear pants like that without a top that compliments it.  Dress your body to look good."

We've been hearing about a "twist", and its revealed... with 10 more groups coming on Day Two, if they find great groups, they might make more cuts to those who made it through on Day One. 

The Lovely Steph Leann and I debate the merits of this, and we both agree this is a little unfair to tell an Idol that you are through, then tell them that no, they didn't make it to the end of the round after all.  We shall see.

More highlights:

• The dude that just spelled "Vegas" by saying "V-A-G-A-S"... cut him now.  And the guy who said, "We will be singing 'Jailhouse Rock' on the same stage that Elvis sang on!", referring a stage that was built what, ten years ago?  Right.  
• The Neopolitans, as they call themselves, include Jessica Phillips, Brittany Kellogg and Courtney Whatshernuts have made the confident proclamation, "We didn't need to practice with the band.  We sing for a living."  This isn't going to be good.  And its not stellar, by any stretch.
• And the judges all catch them on the chances they took in the song--"if you are going to take those chances, you need to be unbelievable, and you weren't...", says J-Lo.  Brittany Kellogg makes it through.  Courtney Whatshernuts makes it through.  Jessica Phillips gets cut.  She's the chick with the special needs boo... and its sad, because I really liked her.
• I say I liked her... and then Jessica becomes a brat on camera... "They aren't looking for real artists... there are people who are making it through that aren't as good as me," spoken while standing next to Courtney and Brittany, who reaches over and grabs Jessica's hand--and Jessica blows her off.
• Finally, we get to Vocal Coach Peggy, who drills her people with a hammer.  And insults them.  And chides them.  And warns them, "Do not NOT sing it..." Kinda reminds me of the "Again" scene in "Miracle" when Coach Brooks makes his team skate about forty times back and forth on the rink.
• Lauren Grey starts off "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow", with Wendy Taylor, who, at 28, is on her last chance, and Mathenee Treco (who?  what?), who gets some screen time.  Lauren and Wendy get cut, Mathenee (he's a guy) gets cut.
• So, I can't spell Asian Guy's name, so I will call him Asian Guy for now--if you watch this show, you know who I mean.  He says, "Do we have scary vocal coach?"  And the answer is Yes.  Vocal Coach Peggy is in full effect.
• Neco Starr, who already has a Hollywood name, is with Asian Guy, Jairon Jackson and Phillip2 doing "I Only Have Eyes for You" by The Flamingos.  Flamingoes?  Heejun!  That's his name!
• Poor Heejun... he's now such an Idol favorite to showcase his humorous moments and such, he has to wait til the end of every round to perform, so American Idol can tease his performances with funny clips and soundbites.  They all four make it through to the next round.
• Or do they?  
• The Final Group calls themselves Lady & the Spectacles, which is a fun name... and they are doing "Sealed with a Kiss".  Nick Boddington, Jen Hirsh, The Welfare Timberlake and Aaron Marcellus Wallace are featured here, and though they all sound good, the whole thing is sort of boring. Aaron Marcellus Wallace, The Welfare Timberlake and Jen Hirsh make it through... Nicky B says goodbye.

Day Two Idols have finished.  So all of Day One has been brought back to the stage for another round of cuts... and Day Two have been asked to join them.  J-Lo breaks it down, and they have to get down to 40 people.  

Little Pimp David Leathers makes it.  Colton Dixon makes it.  Schlyar, the sister, doesn't make it.  And Colton cries on camera, and tells us how much he thinks it sucks.  Eben makes it.  Reed Grimm moves on.  Jerkweed Cowboy, Big Jermaine make it.  Angie Gaga says goodbye.  And Brittany Kellogg gets cut, and has a breakdown.  "I worked my butt off, every performance was perfect, I dont get it."  

Lauren Grey moves on.  The Welfare Timberlake moves on.  But a total of 27 other people said goodbye... leaving a Top 40.

And next week, each of the 40 get one final performance, then the judges cut 16 out... then, our Top 24 head to the voters.  

Plus, Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler moons us.  Cant wait!

Group Night Idol Highlights

Well, its been quite a day today... Our little man has been fussy, so we don't even start Wednesday's episode until Thursday around 7pm or so... but The Lovely Steph Leann is on the couch, feeding Camp, and we are ready to go...

THIS 

IS

AMERICAN

IDOL GROUP NIGHT

Rather than going note by note, due to lack of time and energy, I'll touch on the highlights...

• Everyone keeps forgetting the words.  We get a montage of people who keeps forgetting the words, including a few people who just make up lines like, "I can't believe... I blew my shot..."
• Some of our favorites get knocked out, including the dude who quit his job to audition.
• The Bettys, who had part of the group go to bed and part who kept working, had a bad audition... the one who stayed made it through, one who went to bed made it through, and the one who came back got cut.  So goes it.
• The Idolites are dropping like flies, as we have no less than three who faint and/or throw up, including one chick who passes out on stage, causing Seacrusty to shout a word that has to be deleted.  The worst part about it was one of the dudes kept singing, you know, just in case, 'til Randy the Dawg shuts him down.
• Symone Black, the fainter from our previous episode, doesn't make it either.
• A standout group early in the show, busting out some "Hold On (i'm coming)", and all four dudes and the chick, Jen Hirsh, sail through.
• We see some entire groups get cut, mostly due to lack of lyric memorization.  Maybe I'm just dreaming, but you ask me to learn any song, I've got 24 hours to do so, and my entire career is on the line, I'm freaking learning that song.  Every last note.  I mean, I'd do the entire 14 minutes of "Rapper's Delight" if I had to.  All seven verses of "Lyin' Eyes".  Or the quick lyrics of Eminem's "Without Me"... I'd get it down.
• The MIT (multi international talent) group, with a black dude, two white dudes and an Asian guy, has been the feature of several segments due to one of the white dudes--the cowboy--taking over and running the show, and the other guys not being happy about it (but not speaking up to Cowboy).  And they all make it through.
• Asian Dude (I forget his name) says on camera, "I'm sorry I talks alot of craps about Richie (cowboy), since you will see it on TV".  Hilarious.
• Elise Testosterone makes it through!  I hope she makes the Semis, because I like the idea of typing "Elise Testosterone" over and over.  Its a better name than Peepee Tuscany!

Now, the group round is over, and 98 are left.  Each will perform a single song, either alone or with the house band, and they wont get their results until the end of the day--this is when they move the Idols into groups, into the waiting rooms, and they go to each room and tell the entire room Yay or Nay.

More highlights

• Dude named Joshua just killin' it with "Jar of Hearts", bringing the soul and the house down.  You want to be in the room with this guy.  J-Lo, Creepy Uncle Stevie and Randy the Dawg gave him a standing O
• We see Colton Dixon, who didn't want to audition again after last year, making it to the solo round, but we are wondering what happened to his sister, who was the one who actually did want to audition, and was overshadowed by her reluctant brother.
• Phillip Phillips?  We need him too.  I'm thinking of just calling him Phil2.  Or P2.  Or maybe Phillip2.  
• Jen Hirsh is doing the only version of "Georgia on My Mind" that I actually could tolerate.  Except for Michael Bolton, natch.
• The Welfare Justin Timberlake, by the name of Creighton Fraker, sings "What a Wonderful World".  Don't want him to make it.  "The Welfare Justin Timberlake" is a lot to type every time I reference The Welfare Justin Timberlake.  Heck, last season's America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina almost killed me. 
• Seacrusty tells us "So far, its been a great start to Solo Day".  Which means we'll now get the bad auditions.
• With thunder crashing in the background and rain pelting outside, its throwing people off apparently.  Like, Reid Grimm, who was going to do acapella, so he didn't practice with the band.  And then Seacrusty tells him that he can't do a capella.  So he has 30 minutes to get a song ready with the band, though he only has the vocal coach to work with, not the band.  Not good times. 
• And in the middle of it, he asks to call his mom... he's headed for a breakdown.
• Shannon Magrane is doing "What a Wonderful World", garnering cheers and yelps from the audience and a good deal of head bobbing from the judges.  
• Back to Reid, he's, in effect, having a breakdown.  And is in tears to his mom, wondering if all of this is even right for him.  You know what?  There are 97 other people who want this, without question.  Go home, you pansy.
• Reid gets onstage, and gets behind the drums.  And will audition while playing such.  He starts singing, and immediately Randy the Dawg looks at J-Lo and says, "We got another Casey there."  She agrees. Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler gives the slight head shake, with a satisfied smile, eyes closed.  Either he loves this, or he's still thinking about Shannon Magrane, who was just on.
• And here comes the clips of those emotional because they know they might have blown it.  
• Sklyar Laine woke up at 4am, ended up at the hospital to get fluids for dehydration, and is back onstage, singing a little twangy country.  Not bad.
• Rachelle Lamb forgets her words, but recoups nicely, while Adam "White Chocolate" Brock ends the day with a tone that makes The Lovely Steph Leann quietly go, "Mmmm..."  I don't even make her do that.  What the...?

Now, the 98 must go into the Holding Room and wait.  Wait to die.  Wait to live.  Wait for an absolution that will never come.  The 98 are split into four groups, into four rooms.  Two rooms will advance. Two will go home.

Where the crap is Baylie Brown?  I'm wondering if she gets cut, thus the reason Idol has forgotten all about her... 

Room 1 contains The Welfare Justin Timberlake.  Room 2 has Phillip2.  Room 3 has Rachelle Lamb.  And in Room 4, Baylie Brown sits.

Looks like Room 1 will get the call... Colton Dixon is in there. That Joshua guy is there, as is White Chocolate... J-Lo, Randy the Dawg and Creepy Uncle Steven come in, and tell them that they are all through.  Jermaine Jones makes it!   Lauren Grey makes it!  The screams erupt, and can be heard down the hall in Room 3. 

Because they now feature Room 3, I'm guessing this room doesn't make it.  And the Idols in that room know it, as some start crying before knowing anything.  And we even have a slight cat-fight between two chicks who aren't getting along to well.  

Room 2 makes it, with Reed Grimm, Shannon Magrane, Jessica Phillips and Phillip2.  They scream in celebration... 

And this means two rooms won't make it.  And now we definitely know which ones.  Room 3 gets the news, including Kid from Kid N Play, Rachelle Lamb and NBA Dancer Brittany Kerr.

Finally, Room 4. Including my dear sweet Baylie Brown, who gets cut.  Again.  Is there no justice in this world?  Here comes the judges, and Randy the Dawg goes on and on about how tough it was... then tells them... THEY MADE IT!  

THREE ROOMS MAKE IT!  Baylie Brown Lives!!!

Which has to suck for Room 3... that's like, 24 people out of 98 that didn't make it!  

So, the remaining contestants head to Las Vegas, for another group night with full band.  And you will read it all here...

Just Another Sad Love Song Part 1

"Its just another sad love song, racking my brain like crazy. Guess I'm all torn up, be it fast or slow, it doesn't let go or shake me... and its all because of you..." -- Another Sad Love Song by Toni Braxton

Some years ago, say, 2006, I did a post called "Sad Songs Say So Much", where I listed what I felt was the 20th Saddest Songs Ever.


Well, here we are, six full years later, and its time to revisit. So for this Valentine's Day, I wanted to give you my new list, this time, The 25 Saddest Songs Ever... many of the songs are the same, just lower or higher, but since in six years I've gained several new readers, this is new to you!

Broken into 2 parts for length and time (I've got just long enough to finish this before The Lovely Steph Leann wakes up, meaning Campbell wakes up on the couch and I've got to feed him. And her), here is numbers 25 through 11... the top ten will be listed in a day or so. I promise.

Note... these are all about heartbreak. There are many songs out there about abuse and suicide and death and tragedy and destruction and such, but I centered only on the loneliness, despair and ache that can only be felt with a broken heart... except for one song, which will be explained when we get there. So no "Its So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday" by Boyz II Men, a song about death.

Honorable Mentions... "She's Always a Woman" by Billy Joel (too much like #23)... "Unbreak My Heart" by Toni Braxton (overplayed to the point that its lost its punch)... "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins (too easy)... "Superstar" by The Carpenters (too stalkery).... and "Whiskey Lullaby" by Brad Paisley & Alison Krauss (too drunky)


(25) "Somebody Lied" by Ricky Van Shelton 
"Hello? Yeah, this is me. Lord, its been a long, long time. I know this ain't no social call, so go ahead, get it off your mind. You heard what? Well, it ain't true. I was here most all last night... I got over you the day you left, could it be somebody lied?"

Talk about a gut wrenching song... this dude gets a call from his ex-chick, and his ex is like, "Dude, I heard you been asking about me too all our friends... what the crap, yo?" and he is like, "Naw, that ain't me. Somebody been lying to you." And then she's like, "Man, I been done heard you been like, crying and all to all of our peeps, yo." And then, he is like, "Naw, I ain't shed a tear in years. And that I talked about you? That is crazy... I ain't even noticed you be gone, yo."

Then, he asked, "... so, if they were true, what would it matter to you, would it change the way you feel? If the rumors were right, would you be here tonight, to help this old heart heal? But, don't worry, it wasn't me. Just someone who's world was torn in two. Someone who looks alot like me, and loves someone like you."

(24) "I'll Be There For You" by Bon Jovi
"... I guess this time your really leaving... I heard your suitcase say goodbye... and as my broken heart lies bleeding... you said true love is suicide..."

Ouch. Jon Bon Jovi's growly voice kicks in after a memorable twangy opening, then spends the next five minutes or so simply begging and pleading for her not to leave.

But she ain't having it. She says she's cried a thousand rivers, but now she's swimming for the shore.

(23) "Secret Garden" by Bruce Springsteen, the "Jerry Maguire" version
"...I was just about to tell you... that I love him. I DO! I love him! And I don't care what you think, I love him for the man he wants to be, and I love him for the man... he almost is! I love him, Laurel. I love him. I love him."

That line is spoken in the depths of the movie "Jerry Maguire", one of my 100 favorite films of all time, and also at the very beginning of this version of the highly underrated Bruce Springsteen song. Its a song all about a chick who is distant, who is secretive, who lets her man in only so far, then pushes him away... while the dude himself yearns to be closer to her. "She lead you down a path, there'll be tenderness in the air. She'll let you in just far enough so you'll know she's really there..." Sad, sad.


I frakkin' love this movie. No joke.

(22) "Don't Close Your Eyes" by Keith Whitley
"...don't close your eyes, let it be me, don't pretend its him in some fantasy. Darling, just once let yesterday go, you'll find more love than you'll ever know. Just hold me tight, when you love me tonight, and don't close your eyes..."

So, not only does this guy have to suffer through having a chick, being in love with this chick even, that he knows has a previous man... but he has to suffer with the knowledge that even though she is with him, she's thinking of her previous man! What!? What what?! So rather than telling her to hit the bricks, he actually just begs her to just stay awake, because if she closes her eyes or goes to sleep, she'll think of her old boo. Sad. And even worse, I've been there.

And its even worse that Keith Whitley ended up drinking himself to death a few years after this monumental hit.

(21) "With or Without You" by U2
"see the stone set in your eyes, feel the thorn twist in your side, and I wait... for you."

I echo my sentiments from six years ago... You chicks are evil. Seriously.

(20) "Separate Lives" by Phil Collins and Marilyn Martin
"Oh, its so typical, love leads to isolation. So you build that wall (build that wall), you build that wall, and you make it stronger... you have no right to ask me how I feel. You have no right to speak to me so kind. Someday I might find myself looking in your eyes. But for now, we'll go on living... separate lives."

Whew. Written by Stephen Bishop (a soft pop guy from the early 80s, had a hit with "It Might Be You" from "Tootsie"), he dated Karen Allen, who we know as the love interest from the first and fourth Indiana Jones movies. They had a bad breakup, and Bishop wrote this song after actually calling her from his hotel room--which is in the song. Ouch.

(19) "I'll Never Get Over You (getting over me)" by Expose
"...I try to smile so the hurt won’t show… tell everybody I was glad to see you go…"

Talk about someone who can’t let go! Here’s a chick who is just watching her man go about and have a good time, she has watched him not only move on, but also forget about her. From 1992, its Expose’s last hit on the charts.

By the way, Expose falls under that Pat Benetar category of "Artists that you never realized had so many songs that you like"... I mean, Expose was a pretty big deal in the late, late 80s and early 90s... "Point of No Return" and "When I Looked at Him" and of course, their biggest hit of all, "Seasons Change", which is an awesome song.

FYI... I played this song as I broke up with a girl my freshman year in college.  What a douchey move, I admit it.  Sorry.  I was 18.    


(18) "Can't Let Go" by Mariah Carey
"...you even realize the sorrow I have inside, every day of my life? Do you know they way it feels when all you have just died? I try and try to deny the way that I feel but still you remain on my mind…"

From the 1991 album “Emotions”, here’s Mariah Carey’s ode to losing someone… not just losing someone, nay nay! Losing someone and not being able to move forward! Losing them and watching them be with someone else! Now this song was Mariah’s 6th single ever, but the first to not make it to #1, as it stalled at #2. The song that kept it from #1? All for Love by Color Me Badd.

(17) "I Can't Stay Away from You" by Gloria Estefan & The Miami Sound Machine
"...and I don’t wanna be your second choice, don’t wanna be just your friend… you keep telling me that you’re not in love, you wanna throw it all away…"

From 1988, the album Let It Loose, its Gloria Estefan AND the Miami Sound Machine. This one is heartbreaking because not only does she lose her boo… not only is he moving on… not only can she not move on… but she can’t stay away from him. She can’t stop thinking about him. She wants him to call her up and say “I need you too”. Its just so… so painful.

Is there a better band name that "The Miami Sound Machine"? That's an awesome name. I think if the Miami Dolphins ever had a good defense, they could call it "The Miami Pound Machine". Wait... that sounds wrong. Never mind.

(16) "Nothing Broken But My Heart" by Celine Dion
"If you ask me how I'm doing, I'm fine. All I needed was a little time.... so if you think I still need you, baby, I really don't know why... but if you see me, nothing's broken... nothing's broken but my heart."

Here's my absolute favorite song by Celine Dion… from her self titled album released in 1992, it’s a tune about a bad breakup. She herself has moved on, just like her man. She’s gotten herself together, she’s started a new life and all that rot. But still… she finds herself reflecting and says, “you know, you might think my world has ended, but really… nothing is wrong. Except for the fact I have a broken heart.” And there it is.

Dig the Vh1 logo in the corner. Old school.

(15) "No One Is to Blame" by Howard Jones
"You can see the summit, but you can't reach it. The last piece of the puzzle, but you just can't make it fit... doctor says your cured, but you still feel the pain, aspirations in the clouds but your hopes go down the drain..."

Its all about being attracted to someone you just can't be with. The entire song is filled with contradictions--you can be the fastest runner, but you aren't allowed to win. You can dip your foot in the pool, but you can't have a swim. And you want her, and she wants you... but it just ain't happening. And guess what? No one, no one, no one ever, is to blame.

Howard Jones got the idea for this song in 1985 on a trip to San Francisco, when a friend asked him about the women in San Fran. When Jones said he found them great, the friend said, "Well, you can look at the menu, but you don't have to eat." And it was a song after that.

(14) "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston
Oh Whitney. Oh, dear, sweet Whitney. I'm not ready to discuss this yet--I truly do feel, no joke intended, that a piece of my music loving soul passed.

Moving on.

(13) "There's a Light In Your Eyes" by The Blessid Union of Souls
"It's been a while since I've seen you, how have you been? Did you get my letter I wrote you that I did not send?"

To me, a quite simplistic, yet painful line. Its about a guy who is fondly remember his woman, the one who left. Perhaps she left because he was a jerkweed, perhaps she left because she knew she herself was a jerkweedette, or perhaps its over because... well, sometimes things just don't work out. Sometimes relationships just don't happen. "I've been thinking and here's what I've come to conclude... sometimes the distance is more than two people can use..." And the dude singing has this great melodic voice that just fits perfectly. Perfectly painful. There's a light in your eyes, did you leave that light burning for me?

(12) "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers
"Ain't no sunshine when she's gone. Its not warm when she's away. Ain't no sunshine when she's gone, she's always gone too long, anytime she goes away."

Such a simple song. Maybe two verse, an undefined chorus and 25 uses of the words "I know". Yet, Bill Withers in his soulful smoothness sings the pain of the heart, the missing of the woman he loves. Because when she's gone, its dark everywhere, especially in the heart. One of my 25 favorite songs of all time.

(11) "I'll Be Okay" by Amanda Marshall
"...I want you to be happy, you're my best friend. But its so hard to let you go now, and all that could have been. I'll always have the memories, she'll always have you. Fate has a way of changing when you don't want it to."

From the soundtrack of a pretty good movie, that being "My Best Friend's Wedding", this is a little known artist named Amanda Marshall... like many artists, big in Canada, not well known here. Its all about the fun of watching your best friend, the one you are in love with, the love of your life, not only love, but end up with someone else. I only know of one other song by Amanda Marshall, that being "Birmingham", but this one is the one to remember.

Next... The Police, sort of.  Gloria returns.  A Broadway staple.  A reverend.  The Top Ten Saddest Songs Ever.

Group Idol... Hollywood Week Part 2

So, we see dejected, rejected, objected, deflected, subjected, detected, froblected and saddened Idols leaving. Over a hundred made the flight to LA, only to sing less than 45 seconds and be told "no".  Or as J-Lo says, "I'm sorry baby, but no."

But for those who have made it, now comes the first part of the entire audition process where its not entirely on you.  I've seen great Idol after great Idol audition, get into a sucky group and be held accountable for their lame partners, then get cut.  Or in Baylie Brown's case, be as good as the other two, then forget your own words, and watch the snobby, uppity prisness get rewarded with another day, while you go home.

Thus... my favorite part of Idol so far.

THIS IS


GROUP WEEK

But let's remember how we left the previous show... Symone Brown fell off the freakin' stage.  Like, took a step forward where there was nothing to plant her feet upon and gravity took over.

While Creepy Uncle Steven, J-Lo and Randy the Dawg look on, Seacrusty comes out for a look-see, and the other 9 left onstage say a quick prayer together.  She is finally helped up, Symone and Daddy head to the hospital, seemingly okay though.

But, as Seacrusty reminds us, the Show Must Go On!  Lauren Mink is in this group, as is Jeremy "Dirty" Rosado with the weird yellow tongue, and Ethan Jones, who I do remember liking a bit.  And who makes it?  Symone Black makes it!  And the show gets a little more Dirty, but Ethan and Lauren go home.

So, to the group round we go, with 185 Idolees now.  And here comes the drama, because by the end of the next night, about 90 of them will be cut.  Remember last year?  Deep Voiced Scotty wandered around, singing "Baby lock them doors and turn the lights down low..." about 35 times before finding a group that wanted him... then he got a little teary eyed, when the group that he was in was extremely mean to another contestant...

...the words "to another contestant" were written on Thursday evening about 915p, right before I got a call to go to my in-laws home to deliver some medicine for Campbell, who was staying there overnight since The Lovely Steph Leann was out of town... and Friday came and went, as did Saturday, with little sleep, lots of work, a visiting Aunt Becky, a dinner with some guys and, of course, the death of Whitney Houston.  Now its Sunday afternoon, and we finally get back to the show, this time with The Lovely Steph Leann on the couch...

And so we begin, with the Idols filing into the theater for further instructions.  The Idol producers come in and tell them they have to get together of 4 or 5, a mixture of Day One and Day Two contestants which is hard, because naturally, people already bonded with others from the same day... and of course, some have already formed groups--which is silly, because this is what they did last year.   Wouldn't someone go, "hey, maybe we should be careful about planning too much for this..."?

Amy, the chick who lives in a tent, is sick, but is pushing through.  A couple of Idols get on the stage and shout out who they are, what they want and call out for people.

We see a series of people getting together, rejecting each other, begging for groups and even some groups that are formed and have begun practicing.

And a chick named Brielle, who as in Peepee Tuscany's group doing one of the best of the round, "Grenade", is back and is taking charge of her group, but a dude named Kyle is "supervising" and making sure its going smooth... and Brielle's Mom isn't happy about this.

And the Falling Symone Black has returned... and now has to find a group.  She finally hooks up with a group, and then we flash over to Woodsy Amy, who not only is sick, but apparently has been infecting other people... including a chick named Gabby, who has a throw-up bag in front of her while she practices.

Another dude group has the typical guy who says, "I'm the only one who knows what is going on, I HAVE musical theory training...", which the other guys aren't taking too well.

A dude, the only one in an all girl group, has walked away sick, catching the Idol Bug of Puking.  He returns to many hugs and cheers, though the chicks are very stressed.  The dude, Christian, still can barely stand.

As the night progresses into the wee hours of the morning, we see some groups who feel comfortable with what they can do and are headed for some rest... but for other groups, they are still practicing, continuing to work... and some groups argue over whether they should stop and rest or not.

We see a heart warming moment when one chick comes back to the other, saying, "There are so many people still practicing!  I'm not leaving!" and they embrace, and then the two of them go to work.

I love Group Night!

Now, its after 7 in the morning, and the judges arrive.

And who is first?   The Bettys, the group that split up with half going to bed and half practicing.  And as the song starts, the show ends...

Next week, we see even more collapsing on stage!  More fainting!  Solo performances!

I love Group Night!!

A Fallen Idol... Hollywood Week Part 1

Okay, let's be real here... I frikkin' love me some Hollywood Week on American Idol.  I love watching the potential divas flame out, I love watching the dynamic between the individuals and groups, and especially love watching the Idols who piddle around, maybe even go to sleep instead of practice, get shot down when they blow their Hollywood Auditions.

More tears will be shed, more lives will be changed, more stakes will be raised, more drama will be unstoppable, more passion will be unbelievable, more talent will be... well, talented out.

THIS IS HOLLLLLLLYYYWOOOODDD WWWEEEEEEKKKK, yo.

So this year, 309 are headed to Southern California... yes, I wrote that right, its THREE HUNDRED AND NINE Idolites, or as Seacrusty tells us, "the nation's elite".  Or something.

Now, its hard to discuss this first part of Hollywood Week, really, so I'll try and hit the highlights.  We see our judges, Randy the Dawg, Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler and J to the Lo  from the Block grace the stage for a goofy pep talk.

Contestants come out in groups of 10 and sing a song of their choosing, and the judges will give no reaction or feedback.  Then, they immediately look at the group of 10, discuss each one right there, then give them the "you are through" or the "you are done"... or as J-Lo would say, "not this year, baby".

And I'll be honest with ya, I remember these faces, but I don't remember alot of these names--unless I can see them on the graphic.

Johnny Keyser is doing "Dreamin'" by Amos Lee, who I really like.  And during the song, despite the no-feedback rule, we see the judges smiling and nodding and such.  Up next is Heejun Han, who admits that the guy before him--Johnny--is a good looking dude, and he wonders himself, "Why am I even here?  Everyone here is so tall and pretty... I have to figure out how to overcome the beauty!"  Well said, sir.

Heejun does some music by The Bolt, singing "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You", garnering some judges smiles and even some Woos! and Hoos! from the audience.  It is kinda funny, though, you can pick up on his Asian accent slightly as he sings.  Good thing he didn't try Shawn Mullin's "Lullaby".  That one was for you, Hurricane Rhett!

Johnny and Heejun are the only ones in this group featured, so our cameras focus on them.  Johnny and Heejun and some chick named Gabby make it through... the 7 behind them, the 7 that we will never ever see or hear from again, are sent home.

Elise Testosterone is shown, as is Baylie Brown... she made it this far already, it was the group round that killed her.  Hallie Day is shown again, doing "You Make Me Feel (like a natural woman)", and doing it well.  And the entire group of 10 gets sent through to the next round.

Seacrusty hows us some contestants backstage, discussing sweaty palms and shaky nerves and twitchy fidgets and such.  Jen Hirsh is up, singing some obscure (and its obscure to me because I've never heard of it) some by Patti Griffin, called "Up to the Mountain".  She belts it out strong, but then hits some crazy notes that make Randy the Dawg wince.

Her line performs, including Lauren Grey from St. Louis, who keeps singing, even though Randy the Dawg is waving for her to stop.  Jen Hirsch and Lauren Grey made it.

And someone named Heather just butchered "Crazy on You" by Heart--my favorite Heart song, by the way--and we hear other tunes being slaughtered, including the usual pleading of "can I sing a little more?  please?  I started off bad, but can I start again...?"

Phil Phillips is back!  Sounds like a disc jockey name.  I used my real name when I was on the air, which is a rarity for many DJs, but it didn't matter, because no one believed it was my real name.  "Your name is d$?  No way.  You are lying!"  Phillip Phillips is doing "Papa's Got a Brand New Bag", while Reed Grimm is scatting "I've Got a Golden Ticket" from the movie Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory... which, by the way, was great when I was a kid, but now is a little creepy and strange and makes me feel like I should have used some acid before watching it.

Travis Orlando is back after being cut last year, as we get a BACKSTORY RECAP ALERT!!!   Truthfully, I kinda like this guy.  He does need to find a job, though.  Phillip Phillips and Reed Grimm get the okay, while Travis Orlando gets the "I'm sorry baby, not this year" from J to the Lo.  Tearfully, he tells us that he goes back to "nothing", which is kinda sad...

Romerio Garcia goes home. So does mechanic Wolf Hamlin.  Jenny Schick also is sent packing.  Sixty-eight go home at Day One's close.  And who cares how their names are spelled?  They are gone.

At Day Two, the judges arrive, ready and raring.  Inside the "holding room", everyone is freaking out.  Adam Brock, who we have not seen in one single frame up until now, admits that he's been told, "There is a large black woman trapped inside of me."  BACKSTORY ALERT!!!  He is sad that he will be away from his daughter for a few days for the first time.  Really?  I mean, The Lovely Steph Leann is out of town for three days and she's fine.  Seriously.

The Unseen Adam Brock is soul'ing up "Walking in Memphis" quite nicely.  One of my favorite songs.  And here comes Lil' Jim Carrey, that being Jane Carrey!  She's doing a chick rendition of CCR's "Looking Out My Backdoor".  Not sure this is legal, according to the laws of Rock n Roll--you know, the same laws that include "You Must Play ALL Verses of 'Lyin Eyes' and 'American Pie' or risk stiff FCC fines up to and/or including suspension of your radio license."

Adam Brock makes in, while Jane Carrey, doing a Scooter Girl'esque flash in the pan, goes home, as does a big Samoan looking sum'gun in the corner.

We see a montage of those accepting defeat and walking away with dignity, and more begging and pleading for one more shot... because THIS MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME!!!

So, 17 year old David Leathers, Jr, is a short little guy... kinda reminds me of the lead kid in Another Bad Creation.  And when he talks, they've added subtitles.  Is it a good thing when you speak English, yet you need subtitles?   Oh, here's Shannon Magrane, who Creepy Uncle Steven earned the "Creepy" title by opening calling her "hot and happening"... in front of Daddy Magrane.  Yowzers.  She is taking on a hard song, "Fallen", while Little David Jr is singing Celine Dion's "Because You Loved Me".  I can't wait to hear The Lovely Steph Leann's take on his performance.

And following Little David Jr is Jessica Phillips, who's boo had the stroke--BACKSTORY RECAP ALERT!  Seriously, though, I really liked her and liked her story, and hope she does well.  She sings "All the Man That I Need"...



Oh, I do love me some Pre-Crack Whitney.  No stinkin' joke.  He fills me up!  He gives me love!  More love than I've evaaaa seeen!  He's all I gots!  He's all I gots in this world!  But he's all the man... all the man that I neeeeeed!!!  Dig it.

So, out of that group, Little David Jr, Shannon Magrane and Jessica all make it to the next round.   More auditions including Erika Van Pelt, the DJ chick, and New Yorker Creighton Fraker.  And here's Aaron Marcellus, the music teacher from Atlanta.  Okay, who doesn't think "Marcellis Wallace" from "Pulp Fiction" when they hear the name Marcellis?  All these sail on to the next round.

Savannah auditioner Lauren Mink is the chick who works with adults with disabilities, and she breaks out more Heart with "Alone".  After Carrie Underwood did this, it should be retired from rotation.  Jeremy Rosado, being nicknamed "Dirty" by Randy the Dawg, works as a front desk clerk at a Infection Disease Clinic.  Wait, what?  It gives me pause knowing that, because for whatever reason, his tongue is yellow.

And here's Symone Black, 16, trying out "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay".  This song makes me think of the old Root Beer commercial for Hines (or is it Hires?)... sitting on the dock of the bay, drinking Hines.  And then...

...SHE FALLS OFF THE STAGE!!!

Someone yells "get the medic!!!!"

What the... I mean... what?  

Shouldn't she have sung "Fallen"?

(was totally watching the next episode and was going to blog it and post it tonight altogether, when I get a call from one mother in law, Mama Ruthless... with The Lovely Steph Leann out of town and me getting up at 355am for work, Campbell is staying with the grandparents... however, they are missing some medicine.  So I'm out the door, headed to deliver some medicine, and will recap Group Week tomorrow. I know you can't wait...)