Fiddy Watch, Day 2

Well, it's early. I was up late, and I was up early. No kid yet and I'm already tired... Guess I'm getting prepared for that state of being.

So, we were supposed to be due on 12/17. The new, fancy schmancy wing of the Brookwood Medical Center opens on December 2nd, which I thought we would pass by at least a week, even if Fiddy came early... But o never imagined she/he would come this early! What the crap, mini me?!

I'll try to keep this page updated today so you will know what's going on... Website traffic, great suspense, big "reveal" at the end, who loses? No one, that's who!

633a
Up, out and on my way to the hospital! Got my pillow, got some clothes, got my toiletries, got my... Crap

637a
Up, out and on my way to the hospital!
Got pillow, got clothes, got my wallet now and... Crap

643a
Up, out and on my way to the hospital! Got my phone charger now!

658a
At Burger King. Their sausage, egg and cheese croissan'wich is so stinkin good. It's sad, though, when the Cole machine is slightly off kilter--too much syrup or not enough, too much carbonation or not enough, I can never tell what the issue is. I have had enough co-cola, bottled, fountain and other, to know when it's not right.

First world problems for $300, Alex

702a
And finally, on the way. It's a crisp 27 degrees outside, the first real frost of the season, nice and sunny. What a great day to have a baby.

724a
There are a few "Expectant Mothers" parking spaces available. I have an expectant mother in this very hospital. So I parked there. And I felt judgment from an also-parking expectant mother. Don't hate.

754a
Due to a number of (non-serious, mostly) issues, Dr. Babysnatcher just came in and said, "I think it's time to have this baby."

823a
So, the "water" in the "water breaking" part of it... That was one of the oddest, and at the same time, most foul smelling things I've ever olfactored. Whew.

843a
Dr. Babysnatcher has told us that it will likely be some time this morning... The Lovely Steph Leann is dozing and I'm trying to stay awake in this sleepy, dimly lit room.

1056a
So far, the morning has been really nothing more than feeding ice chips (four cups so far) in between her naps (about nine of those so far). We are in that weird "in labor but not yet ready to deliver" phase. Perhaps this afternoon.

1236p
I'm always amused at how fast she falls asleep, especially in times of duress... She will be talking to me, and won't finish before she starts a light snore.

1238p
I'm hungry. Like, really hungry. Mama Ruthless left hours ago, going home to shower and coming back soon. I'm at the bedside of The Lovely Steph Leann, and I won't leave her by herself. Do the math and that equals a hungry d$, but can't do anything about it.

Dr. Babysnatcher is coming back around 130 to check up on her, and we will see what happens then... But all signs are good so far.

1243p
Sitting here in a dark room, listening to The Lovely Steph Leann quietly sleep, and my head nods a little. My fingers relax and the phone slips, but then I awake, my reflexes jump into action and I catch the iPhone in midair.

Cause I'm that good. Boo ya, or something.

145p
Me: I see the look on your face. Soon, isn't it?
Her: Yes

149p
Because of her blood pressure, we have opted for the epidural. She didn't want it, but it's about the safest option now.

211p
CONTRACTION!!!

214p
CONTRACTION!!!!!!

217p
All I know is, I couldn't do this

221p
I'm outside while they do the epidural. Not to be too selfish, but holy crap I'm hungry.

227p
So, now that I'm outside the room with time to reflect, I gotta say... I'm one heck of a good breathing coach. The downside? I'm pretty lightheaded right now. And starving. Not a championship combination.

236p
Because they are in the room and I'm not allowed to be right now, I had to go down the hall to the bathroom. And there are all sorts of bellows and wails coming from various closed doors along the way. I'm not convinced that I didn't just pass a room with a delivering beluga whale. And it might have been singing Beiber.

238p
At this point, when I stop posting for a few minutes means that we--I say "we", when all I'm doing is breathing in a rhythmic fashion--are actually having a baby. Good times.

315p
You ever have that friend that calls you up, in a frenzybusyhurry to tell you that they are coming over, like, RIGHT NOW!!! so you gotta clean up, run around and put things away, hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and get ready...

...only to find out that even though you rushed and took shortcuts to get ready, they arent coming over for a while--only they don't call, they just fail to show up...

Yeah, that's our kid.

328p
Alrighty... Here we go. As Rafiki would say... "it is time."

437p
Campbell Isaiah Dollar is here

446p
He weighs 8lbs, 3oz... 21 3/4 inches. He is perfect.

507p
I know that this is supposed to be magical, and it was amazing... But this was one of the weirder things I've ever seen... Just saying.

552p
Well, there you have it. I wanted to write this blog so our friends and family could follow along and know what's happening, so I can remember the day better and so little Campbell can read about it one day too.

We have noticed that little man... well, he is a crier. But we love him.

Thanks for all the well wishes on Facebook and here, and thanks to all the guys sent me texts and offered food and nursery help and so on...

What a monumental day...

Be My, Be My Baby (be my little baby...)

So I wanted to use a song with the word "Baby" in the title, and thought The Ronettes classic was as good as any.  I considered Amy Grant's "Baby Baby" and even TLC's "Baby Baby Baby", but "Be My Baby" is better.

And for those of you thinking, "Oh geez, another list he isn't going to finish...", speaking of The 100 Greatest Songs of the 2000s, never fear, my dear my dear, as I have finished it.  I've written the entire thing, and was going to finish my links, pics and videos on it, and give it a few tweaks when...

343p
"Hey," I answered the phone when it rang.
"Uh..." came the other voice, belonging to The Lovely Steph Leann, "So, my doctors appointment was today, right...?"
"Yeah.  Did you miss it or something?"
"No, I'm still here.  As a matter of fact, the doctor told me that I can't go home.  They are wheeling me down to Labor and Delivery."
"What?!  Like, right now?"
"Yup.  Like, right now, I'm in a wheelchair, and I'm being taken downstairs.  The baby comes tonight or tomorrow."

Looking at my calendar, I notice that its Wednesday, November 30th, NOT Saturday, December 17th... as in, our due date was 12/17, not 11/30.  Or even 12/1.  So, Fiddy Cent is something like two and a half weeks early.

"So, do I need to come down there now?  What do I do?"
"Well, wait until I get settled in Labor and Delivery.  I'll call you back and tell you if I'm for sure staying, or they are sending me home."

402p and 14 seconds to 402p and 17 seconds
Here are my complete thoughts.

Like holy cow the nursery isnt ready did you see john and ashley wolf's nursery for evalie it was like done two months before she even showed up and we still have a futon couch in our nursery that has to be moved but it cant be moved yet because of all the stuff in the hallway to be sorted through donated recycled and thrown out and we still dont have all of our stuff yet i mean we bought a stroller last night but its still in the back of stephs car unassembled with the car seat so we dont even have a stinking car seat in workable use just yet and apparently we have to have a base for it to go in our car and it has to be installed to be safe what is up with that but it doesnt matter because we dont have it even put together much less installed and survivor is on tonight guess i will miss it though its getting good and we are supposed to get a baby monitor from a family that pledged to buy us one but they haven't bought it yet so do we go ahead and buy it or wait it out because i think it would be rude to say something to them but we kinda need to know and craig campbell what the heck is the bernie dance never heard of it and holy crap my wife might be having a baby right now she is having a baby soon but what if its right now do i want a boy boys are smelly and stinky but drama free for the most part or do i want a girl girls are full of drama and gossip but they smell like lavender and are much more likely to enjoy watching meet me in st louis with her daddy and what if our kid doesnt like disney stuff i mean we can force it on him her whoever but that doesnt mean they will be genetically inclined to like it and i dont even have a tree up yet and there are still like four bouncy seat play pen things up in the uncompleted nursery that aren't even put together yet and did you know there are like nineteen different kinds of bottle nipples that word makes me giggle because im a boy and stephanie is having a baby holy cow we aren't even ready for this...

445p
I start making a mad dash around the house, preparing an overnight bag, not sure what to take and what not to take.  Do I take some of the kids clothes?  I want my first pics of this kid to be in something cool, like the Rocky Balboa onesie I bought for Campbell Isaiah, or the pink princessy job I got for Lorelei Addison, not some drab hospital issued whatever.  What do I take for myself?  Am I coming back?  Will I be able to?

505p
Phone rings.  Its The Lovely Steph Leann.  And the orders are simply, "Come on down.  Dr. Babysnatcher will be in the room in a little while for an update.  I'd like to have you with me."  Yes ma'am!  So, I toss a few more things into the back, including toothbrushes and pastes and clothes and so on and so forth, and shoot out the door.

Now, before I go calling anyone and everyone, I want to make sure this isn't a false alarm or anything.  Don't want Melanie giving away all my own hours at work only to find out Saturday that, yes, I need those hours back, whoops.

552p
In Room 8 of Labor and Delivery.  The Lovely Steph Leann is in the bed next to me, IV in her arm, shooting up magnesium like a boss, and Dr. Babysnatcher comes in.  And yes, this baby is coming tonight.  Or tomorrow.  Probably tomorrow.  But possibly tonight.  Holy crap.

554p
I do get in touch with a few people, including my manager (and best friend) Melanie.  Within a few minutes, she replies back that she's got my shifts covered at work already.  And this is why she rules.  Well, that, and she's gorgeous.  That helps.  Where was I?  Oh yeah, the baby...

631p
The plans are made.  I am going to go out again, get my own self some dinner, come back to The Cabana and get some stuff that I forgot to get for her, then go get her some dinner.  Her mom will come and stay the night with her, and I'll get a few hours of sleep and be back early tomorrow morning (yes, thats in about five hours, sue me)

723p
Finally actually leaving the hospital

741p
Walking around The Cabana, gathering necessary supplies, thinking to myself, "Wow.  So, this will be the last evening I'll spend here without a kid down the hall."  I fail to give myself the reproachful look that she gave me when I told this to her.

821p
Sitting at Chick-fila, eating a chicken sandwich, observing that I'll make it back to the hospital by 9, which is important, because some of the main doors at the Women's Center are locked at 9p, and you have to use a different entrance and a separate parking area.  This is good.

825p
Get a call from Mama Ruthless, the mom-in-law and soon to be grandmother for the 3rd time.  I gotta go pick her up and take her to the hospital.  This kills my 9p plan.  Sighing, I agree, and go back to eating my sandwich.

841p
Arrive at the In-Laws house.  See Mama Ruthless, thinking there's an outside shot we might make it still.

853p
Seeing her get into the vehicle, and realizing that there's no shot that we might make that 9pm cutoff

912p
Pull up at Brookwood After Hours entrance.  Drop off, unload, then go find the parking deck that I can get into

914p
Figure out that the doors that were supposed to be locked are not locked, and I freely move through the sidewalks and corridors.  Whoops

944p
Leave The Lovely Steph Leann with her mom and head home, thinking about all the crap that we really haven't done.  Heck, we got our stroller last night, and until a few minutes later, it was still in the back of Steph's car.

127a
So, I've made a run to Wal-Mart, and then spent the better part of three hours now cleaning up the house, washing baby clothes and assembling a stroller and car seat.  And I'm really, really tired.

So, I'l end this here... I did install a new app on the phone for Blogger, so I'm hoping to be able to update during the day to the website.

Do you want to know if its a boy or girl?  Well, a few special people will know first--Melanie... Wookiee... Mikey... a select few more.  Otherwise, check this site tomorrow... you'll read it here first.

And if you think I'm using the occasion of my child's birth to actually drive traffic to my website... well... you might be right.  So there.

The Best Songs of the 2000s (Part I)

Hey!  Remember me?!  Of course you do!  Heck, I've gained about twenty followers on Facebook since I haven't blogged in a few weeks, so perhaps in order to get to 300 or something, I should never blog again!  But what fun would that be?

So, this is #800.  I had started writing something a bit special, something a little personal, a story I've audibly told to a few people--and a church congregation--but hadn't written, and I thought "wow, for this blogging milestone of mine own, perhaps I should do something such as this..."  And having to write it a bit at a time, its just not getting done.  It might be December before I get this done... and today, I just want to be a little funny.  I'll try, anyway.

A few months back, and by a "few months back", I mean September of 2010, I blogged about a Vh1 countdown on the Greatest Songs of the 90s... Part One is here... and Part Two is here.

Well, flipping the channels one day, looking at the grid on DishNetwork, and see on Vh1 that "The Greatest 100 Songs of the 2000s" is on.  All five hours of it, all five parts, from 100 to the best song of the years 2000 to 2009...

Now, when watching this show, you must understand, I haven't seen this show at all.  So, as I list each song and talk about each one, I'm discovering it for the first time on this countdown.

Without further Gerard Depardeau, let's get this thing going...

#100... "The Thong Song" by Sisquo
This might be one of the dumbest songs I've ever heard.  Like, I enjoy some crappy music... but Sisqo isn't just having fun, he's pouring passion into his lyrics.  About a thong.   A major one hit wonder.  One of the best undie songs, I guess.

#99... "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood
THIS is the "You Oughta Know" of this decade.  Carrie ain't playing, as she dug the keys into the side of the purty little souped up four wheel drive, got her name in his leather seats, took a Louisville Slugger to the headlights, there are now holes in ALL four tires, and perhaps, just maybe, he'll think about it before he cheats... but he ain't cheatin' on her.  She ain't giving him the chance.

The Lovely Steph Leann loves this song.  A little too much, methinks.

#98... "Kryptonite" by Three Doors Down (2000)
Dude!  I freakin' love this song!  I don't really know exactly what it really means, but this song rules.  Three Doors Down is kind of like Nickleback's tribute band... or maybe Nickelback is Three Doors Down's tribute band?  I dunno.

But, I do have a question...

If I go crazy, will you STILL call me Superman?

#97... "It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy, feat. Rik Ross (2000)
The entire appeal of this song is Shaggy and his ridiculous voice.  The moral of this song is, she saw you with that chick, she has the evidence to prove it, and Shaggy just replies "It wasn't me..."  Seriously.  Honestly, I can't really tell you what Shaggy even says, be it here ,or that crazy "Boombastic" song.

#96... "Don't Cha" by The Pussycat Dolls feat. Busta Rhymes (2006)

I'll take the Spice over the Pussycat any day.

Ladies and gentlemen, the 2000s version of The Spice Girls, I give you the Pussycat Dolls!  Whether you think they are attractive or not is irrelevant... they think know they are, and they not only want you to know it, but your chick too.  Don't cha wish your chick was a bra-wearing slut with all sorts of venereal diseases hot like me, don't cha?

You know what?

The Spice Girls > The Pussycat Dolls.

There, I said it.

#95... "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt (2005)
Holy crap was this song annoying.  I mean, can you be a man and still be as whipped as Jimmy Blunt comes across being?  Seriously.  And EVERY girl I knew loved this song, and no wonder, the entire four minutes is nothing but him telling her how good looking she is.  Sheesh.  Its like, they are all saying, "I wish my man would sing this to me."  I feel like the song is a 3 minute theme to The Hallmark Channel. Next.

And James Blunt even says that the song is a sad one, about heartbreak and crap... which makes me happy.  Ha!

Erin the Marine Wife... this one is for you.

#94... "Its Not Over" by Daughtry (2006)
Dude, Chris Daughtry is kinda cool... and just about EVERY woman I know loves them some Daughtry, especially Erin the Marine Wife.  Holy crap does she love her some C-Dah...

This is a pretty good song, and truly, he's kinda easy to like.  And probably the most successful non-winner of American Idol, Jennifer Hudson's Oscar aside, Chris Daughtry has this cool voice that sounds like, if Scott Stapp from Creed and Chad Kroeger from Nickelback hooked up and somehow fathered a child, with some Three Doors Down lead singer guy thrown in there, it would be Chris Daughtry.  Just sayin'.

Seriously, though... is this the 94th best song of the decade?

#93... "Here It Goes Again" by OKGo (2006)
Alright... this speaks to this indy/emo/non-radio kind of bands that became huge in the last ten years, getting fame not from Spinderella kickin' it up one time (that's Disc Jockeys who used to play the songs on the airwaves, to help you young folk with your new fangledy Spotify and Pandora and crap) but rather through digital media, YouTube, websites and so on.  Bands like OKGo, Panic! at the Disco, TV on the Radio, and even artists like Jack Johnson, and such.

I'll be honest with ya... you could toss out ten songs and say, "Nine of these are OKGo and one is Panic! at the Disco, pick the Panic! song" and I'd probably fail miserably.  They all sound alike.

And I'll go on record and say the ONLY reason this song is on this list is because of that dancing treadmill routine in the video.  Very cool routine, song is not memorable.

#92... "Low" by Flo Rida feat. T-Pain (2007)
While I don't have much to say about this song, I like how this one guy on the show discussing this song is wearing a shirt that says, "Negroes On Ice".  Yes, he's black.  But I'm not sure that anyone but a black dude could wear that shirt.

This song was featured in "Tropic Thunder" when Les Grossman (Tom Cruise) was welcoming us to "The Goody Room."

#91... "With Arms Wide Open" by Creed (2007)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No one likes this song.  Stop nodding.  You don't like it either.

If I'm sitting on a hilltop, stretching my arms and singing about Campbell Isaiah, you freakin' punch me in the face, because I'll deserve it.

Oh.  So that's a Mystikal.  Hm.

#90... "Shake Ya A**" by Mystikal (2000)
Wait.. what?

What the heck is a Mystikal?

How did this rank above "Its Not Over" by Daughtry?  This might be the worst song I've heard since #91.

Funnily enough, I looked up the Mystik Man himself on Wiki, and read about his brief career, his feuds with other rappers, and his prison time for extortion and sexual assault of his hair stylist, among other things.

Then I read where, upon release from prison, he talked about how all success he had seemed like a dream, and how he now wants to come back... then he says, "...but now watch how I shake things up -- I want reparations."  Really?  Your forced yourself upon your hairstylist and YOU think you are owed payment?  Really?  What an idiot.

Were I rapper, I think I'd have to find myself a feud to make a name for myself.  I'd probably try to stir some crap up with rappers I know I could out-dis, like Ja Rule, Common and maybe Will Smith, who just seems too nice.  I'd dis them in my rap songs titled, "Ja Rule Ain't No Gangsta" and "Common is a Homo N****".  But I'd stay away from anything having to do with Suge Knight, because I don't want to get shot.  Or eaten.

Let's move on.

#89... "Paper Planes" by M.I.A. (2007)
How old am I?  I've never even heard of this song... what is an M.I.A.?  Is she related to Mystikal?

This makes me fearful that I'm going to hear Ke$ha somewhere on this list, which might shoot the credibility of this entire countdown in the foot.

This is a horrible song!  This is the worst song I've heard since #90... and #91!

#88... "Stacy's Mom" by Fountains of Wayne (2003)
Now THIS is a memorable song.  When you meet someone named Stacy... or Tracy... or Lacy... or Gracie... or any other "acy" name, don't tell me that "...mom has got it going on..." doesn't pop into that head.

I don't know if it works this way in bigger cities, but in small towns it seems like there is one mom that all the guys--from about age 12 to 15--are like, "dude... Mrs. (insert Mom name here) is so pretty!" or "hot!" or "awesome".  Yes, there was one in Samson too.  And my buddies and I, all 13 years old, all thought she was gorgeous.  Her son was/is a good guy, but I always felt bad for him with the whole, "Dude, stop looking at my mom!" thing.

#87... "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" by The Darkness (2003)
This song frakkin' rules.  Its a complete homage and/or parody of all that crazy hair metal from the late 80s... channeling Slaughter and Winger and Warrant and early Poison and Damn Yankees and all that crap, I feel like this song brought a Hair Band Education to the kids of today.  My brother in law Tyler so dug this song.

And the video, with the Freddie Mercury falsetto rocking out, is awesome.

#86... "Jaded" by Aerosmith (2000)
Hey, look, its Aerosmith with a song that sounds like a ton of their other songs!  Probably one of my least favorite Aerosmith songs.  Try "Love in an Elevator".  Much better.

#85... "I Try" by Macy Gray (2000)
I don't even know what to say about this song.  I mean... it sucks.  It just does.  Toss it in the Mystikal pile.  Wait... Macy Gray... isn't her career... M.I.A.?  Ha!  See what I did there?

#84... "In the End" by Linkin Park (2004)
This is a great driving song.  I love how they got the rap going on with the rock... "I try so haaaaard... and got so faaaar... in the end, it doesn't even maaaaatter...."

I really dig this tune... not much of their other stuff, but this one is cool.  Probably one of my 500 favorite songs of all time... wait... I don't own this song?  What?  What the...?

(click over to iTunes... type "Linki" and "Linkin Park" comes up.  Click on "Linkin Park".  Scroll and see "In the End" for $1.29.  Purchase.  Done.)  

Yes I love technology... but not as much as you, you see... yes, I love technology... now and forever...

#83... "Untitled (how does it feel)" by D'Angelo (2000)
So, like, D'Angelo is this one hit wonder from the cusp of the decade that sang this sensual, sexy, somewhat kinda silly song, all R&B and such, nothing you haven't heard from Ralph Tresvant or Johnny Gill or the like.  I'm not saying its a bad song, but its not anything revolutionary.

It was the video, however, that gives this song its popularity.  D'Angelo is cut and chiseled to body perfection, and he shows it off.  All of it.  The video just him singing, black background contrasting his dark skin, and he's pretty much nekkid.  And chicks went crazy over this.  And the dudes were like, "Dude, man, put a freakin' shirt on at least.  Put some pants on, for the love!"

I would imagine if D'Angelo had actually sung "You're Beautiful" while doing this same video, women worldwide would have spontaneously combusted.

#82... "Unwell" by matchboxtwenty (2003)
Perhaps its just my soft-rock preference, perhaps its just that I like a good singer/song writer, perhaps I just enjoy a guitar, a band and a good voice like Rob Thomas has... either way, I dig this tune.

Go back to the Greatest Songs of the 90s, and at #48 is one of my all time favorite, Top 25 songs ever, "3am"... "Unwell" isn't as good as that one, though this is singable, its meaningful and the opening with the banjo is great.

By the way, do you remember when they went from Matchbox 20 to matchbox twenty?   They weren't crazy, they were just a little unwell.  I know, right now, you can't tell.

(in leading to commercial, Vh1 just informed me, during a segment about 2000s artists wearing fedoras, that Ne-Yo has made at least 12 music videos with fedoras in them.  That means that he has done over 12 videos, just a dozen of them have fedoras.  My point is... when did Ne-Yo put out 12 singles?")

#81... "The Rising" by Bruce Springsteen (2002)
See, this is hard because this song came out after, and partly because of, 9/11.  As an homage to the NYFD, its an emotional, powerful song that to me, is a pretty good song, but mostly because of its origins.  However, I must say that the dude from OKGo just tried to tell me that "It was the first musical response to 9/11..." and I say, "Bullcorn to that poppycock..."  I would give that crown to Alan Jackson and his version of "Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning", a much better song.  Dubya Rulz!  Obama's a foolz!

#80... "Get Low" by Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz feat. Ying Yang Twins
When your artist name is six times as long as the song you are singing, it might be time to drop a few ampersands and feature tags.  Just saying.

Didn't Flo Rida already do this song?  Wait, that was "Low"... so this song is helped the birth of Crunk, I guess.  And I think this might be the song that Sandra Bullock was shaking her Mystikal too in "The Proposal" around the fireplace... maybe?

YYEAYAHH.... OHHHKAYYY!!

#79... "Hero" by Enrique Iglesias (2001)
This song sucks.  Got nothing else to say.

The video had Mickey Rourke in it, and he kills Enrique in it, so the video has some redeeming qualities.  And it has Jennifer Love Hewitt.   So, when the video comes on, just hit mute.

#78... "Hey There Delilah" by Plain White T's (2006)
This proves the power of a dude and his guitar.  What a great, great song.  Its catchy, its soft and its fun to sing.

I always thought if Factor 7 would have hit it big, it would have been with a song like this, with Drew Morris plucking a guitar and Brad Latta softly singing.

#77... "This Is How You Remind Me" by Nickelback (2001)
Remember the days before Nickelback became a punchline?  Back when all their songs didn't sound so much alike, because you only had a few songs to compare?  And how crappy do you feel if you are Nickelback and over 50,000 people sign a petition to keep you from singing at an NFL Game halftime show?

Poor Nickelback.

I'VE BEEN WRONG

(bom bom)

I'VE BEEN DOWN

(bom bom)

TO THE BOTTOM OF EVERY BOTTLE

Say what you want, this song rocks.

#76... "Live Your Life" by T.I. feat. Rihanna
Okay, I'll admit it... this song is kinda fun.  Sorta.  Though it makes me think about "The Hangover", in which is was prominently.

Speaking of Mystikal, back to the stupid name thing, I don't have a problem with T.I.... its the fact he has an alter ego named T.I.P.  What does that even mean?  And T.I. and T.I.P., being the same person, are different that T-Pain, right?  I should get my gangstas straight.

#75... "I Don't Wanna Be" by Gavin DeGraw (2004)
Let me tell ya, in 2004, this song was EEEEEEVVVVVEERRRRYYWWWHHHEEEERRRREEE.... you could not turn around without hearing this song.  Every other American Idol contestant sang this song, and I kept expecting Ryan Seacrest to tell us, "And next week, its "I Don't Wanna Be" week, where EVERY remaining Idol will sing this song.  Twice!"

I don't wanna be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately.  Uh... me too?  Me either?  I dunno how to answer that.

Much, much better.  

#74... "Ridin'" by Chamillionaire feat. Krayzie Bone (2006)
I'll be transparent and say that I cannot, for the life of me, hear this song and not only think about, but replace lyrics with, the song "White and Nerdy" by Weird Al, picturing Donny Osmond dancing in the background, Judy Tenuta on the couch and Seth Green showing off his Star Wars figures.

If there is any justice in this world, "White and Nerdy" would be on this list somewhere.

Oh, and shout out to Krayzie Bone, from Bone Thugs N Harmony, representin'... boo ya.  Or something.

#73... "Promiscuous" by Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland
Dude, early Nelly Furtado, that "Fly Like a Bird" and "Follow Me Down" junk--hated it.  It was horrible.  However, Nelly Furtado 2.0 with "Say It Right" and this song... okay, basically anything where Timbaland is involved... I freakin' love me some Nelly Furtado 2.0.

This song Rules with a Capital R.  I think of OKGo joined with Timbaland, I'd listen.  Especially if Nelly Furtado was singing lead.  Love me some Furtado.

#72... Are You Gonna Be My Girl" by Jet (2003)
Awesome song.  Just crazy, funny rock and roll, stupid lyrics, gangly band, and all kinds of a party going on.  This was an awesome driving song.  Makes me want to shake my head around to and fro... well, not while driving, mind you.


(just realized I didn't have this song in my music library... so naturally, I went to iTunes and paid the 69 cents... but along the way, I made an important discovery.  Bob Seger & the Silver Bullet Band now has ALL their major hits available.  This is a big deal because "Rock & Roll Never Forgets" was not available--until now.  And so not only did I pick up a great little rock tune from 2003, I picked up one of the all time classic driving songs ever.  I rule)

#71... "Bubbly" by Colbie Caillat (2007)
Gotta say, I love me some Colbie Caillat.  Like, she makes my life better.  And this song started it all.  She's so darn cute, and she's got this incredible coffee house voice...

And her CDs only get better and better.  Colbie is so great... and did you know she auditioned for American Idol, WITH THIS SONG, and didn't make it!  So, she used MySpace, back when anyone actually used MySpace.  Love love love this song.



#70... "Run It!" by Chris Brown feat. Juelz Santana
Can't beat Chris Brown.  Just ask Rihanna.  Ha!  (too soon?)

Oh, the song?  Eh.  I'm not entirely convinced that he and Ne-Yo aren't actually the same person, kind of like a T.I./T.I.P. thing.

#69... "Bring Me To Life" by Evanescence (2003)
This is a very good song, though it suffered greatly from the "overplay" that happens when great song becomes a very popular great song and radio stations feel the need to play the absolute crap out of it.  I think its a reflection of how short our attention span is--and how we listen to the radio for about, oh, three minutes, so they have to play the popular songs over and over to keep you listening...

So you had this awesome chick singing and this dude rapping and this chick turns around and starts belting out the melodrama, and its just so cool.

#68... "Stand Up" by Ludacris feat. Shawnna (2003)
Holy crap do I love this song.  Don't get me wrong, I like Luda, but I'll admit he's very, very dirty sometimes, and I don't listen to his filthy stuff... but talk about a party anthem?  And that video is freakin' awesome... midgets... chicks eating fried chicken... babies peeing... big afros... and boy does Luda love him some fried chicken and thick women.

#67... "Bleedin' Love" by Leona Lewis (2007)
If music could be a contagious disease, this song would be an epidemic.  Now, that's not to say its bad, but its catchy and it spreads and its AWESOME.  She'll never have another hit like this--this is what she'll forever be known for.  And that's not a bad thing.

Keep bleedin', keep keep bleedin' love... you cut me open and I... (its in your head now, ain't it?  It should be)


#66... "Drop It Likes It Hot" by Snoop Dogg feat. Pharrell (2004)
Catch phrase alert!  Catch phrase alert!

Its like Snoop comes into relevance about every five years with some stupid song that sucks you in and makes you repeat it over and over, then he disappears, then comes back in another five years.  Snoop is a legend.

I feel like Pharrell is a cheaper version of Timbaland.  Get in the welfare line, get your buttah, your cheez, and your rap producer.

#65... "Try Again" by Aaliyah (2000)
More Timbaland!  So, even though I don't know a lot of her music, I dig Aaliyah.  Perhaps it was her Oscar nominated turn in "Romeo Must Die", one of my 250 favorite movies of all time.  No, seriously, I love the crap out of that movie.

RIP Aaliyah.

#64... "I'm Real (murder remix)" by Jennifer Lopez feat. Ja Rule
What in the world happened to Ja Rule?  Wasn't he supposed to be huge?  I feel like that Ja Rule and Mystikal are hanging at a crib somewhere.  And T.I. will join them in the "No Career Anymo'" support group.

This song is kinda fun, but annoying after a while.  Kinda like Jennifer Lopez, who, for my money was at her peak with "Waiting for Tonight" from the album "On the 6".  After that, not so much.

And by the way, should I be disturbed that there is a version of "I'm Real", then there is a remix of "I'm Real" called "The Murder Remix?"  Just curious.

#63... "Party Hard" by Andrew WK (2001)
Who the...

What the heck is...

I mean, I've never heard this song... I've never heard OF this song...

Maybe I'm just old.  The Lovely Steph Leann has joined me in this viewing, and is staring blankly at the television.  She shrugs, says, "Geez..." and turns back to her Nook.

Who is Andrew WK?  Is he related to Louis CK?

#62... "Complicated" by Avril Lavigne
So, I'm not actually equipped to enjoy this song properly.  (A) I'm not a chick... (B) I'm not an 11 year old chick... (C) I don't go to the mall... (D) I don't live in the rough suburbs of Canada...

And I feel like Avril peaked here.  She kinda took herself too seriously after this, and tried to hard to be a "real artist".  It is kinda catchy, though.

#61... "Milkshake" by Kelis (2003)
Holy crap does this song suck.  I mean, like, hard.

However comma

I have been known to drop the line, "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard..." for no apparent reason.

But this song does still suck.

#60... "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha (2009)
Speaking of suck...

Someone told me the other day there was something they liked about Ke$ha... I asked, "What?" and they replied, "She knows she's not very good, but she just does her thing anyway."

Okay, you know what... I kinda like this song.  And I hate hate HATE myself for saying that.  Forget I said that.

(for the record... I just bought the song on iTunes.  I don't even know myself anymore)

#59... "Cry Me a River" by Justin Timberlake (2002)
This song is dadgum awesome... not just the song is cool, but because Timberlake is giving the middle finger straight up to Britney Spears.  I mean, like, "Suck it, ho" with this song... even the video portrays the whole scenario between him and BritBrit, and how it all went bad.

The Lovely Steph Leann just got all philosophical and asked, "If they had stayed together... would he have turned into the playboy he is, and would she have gone off the deep end?"  Deep stuff.

#58... "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz (2008)
Here's the word I use to describe this song:  Pleasant.

Its so pleasant.  It makes me smile, its peppy, its poppy, its happy, life is breezy easy wheezy beautiful and just... just so... pleasant.

I do dig me some Jason Mraz, though I like "The Remedy (I Won't Worry)" and especially "You and I Both", which I just discovered The Lovely Steph Leann had never heard... so guess what we are listening to right now, as the DVR is on pause?

#57... "Family Affair" by Mary J. Blige (2001)
Oh.  This song is called "Family Affair"?  I seriously thought it was called "Dance For Me" or "Let's Dance For Me" or something like that.  "Family Affair".  Well, now you know.

However... "Real Love" is the ultimate Mary J. Blige.  Ultimate.  That is one of my favorite 100 songs of all time.  This song?  Yeah, its kinda okay.

#56... "Party (up in here)" by DMX (2000)
Y'all gon' make me looz my mine... up in heh, up in heh
Y'all gon' make me act ah foo... up in heh, up in heh

Who doesn't love this song?  Well, okay, probably Amarylis by Morning (up from san antone).  And maybe Marky Mark.  And definitely The Lovely Steph Leann, who is trying to ignore the tv.

But I think its fun.

#55... "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers (2004)
Um... OKGo?  Panic?  TV on the Radio?  Same thing?

The Lovely Steph Leann pipes up... "Hey!  They play this in 'The Holiday'!"

#54... "Don't Know Why" by Norah Jones (2002)
Talk about peaceful.  Norah's voice is so sweet and beautiful and happy.  And so is this song.  I can hear this song anytime, and it makes me sway a little, light a candle and find a movie on The Hallmark Channel.

Norah Jones rulez.

#53... "All The Small Things" by Blink-182 (2000)
This was the early part of the decade version of the Panic/Killers/OKGo soundalikes... Blink-182, Sum 41 and a slew of other bands that are sorta punky, sorta poppy, sorta dorky and sorta ska-ish.  I mean, what can I say about this song... I like it when I hear, and now that the segment is over, I already forgot about it.

#52... "Hips Don't Lie" by Shakira feat. Wyclef Jean (2006)
Now, I'm in the minority of people that isn't all into Shakira, nor do I find her hips all that fascinating.  Yes, she can move them, but I know someone who can do belly dancing, and those hips are much better.  Um... should I have said that?  Never mind.

She looks like a hula dancer on a dashboard.

#51... "Pocket Full of Sunshine" by Natasha Bedingfield (2008)
If "Bleedin' Love" was the sad, melancholy song that stuck in your head for a few hours, this song is the peppy one that takes over your mind for flipping DAYS.

It will forever be associated with Emma Stone in "Easy A", a great, great film.

I gotta pocket gotta pocket fulla sunshine I gotta love and I know that it's all mine whoa... oh whoa oh...
(everybody)
TAKE ME AWAAAAAAYYYY
THE SWEET ESCAAAAAAPE
TAKE ME AWAAAAAAYYYY

#50... "You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift (2009)
Here's my man card.  You'll be asking for it anyway when I tell you...

I FRIKKIN LOVE THIS SONG.  Probably in my Top Ten of the entire decade.



And the video?  Snobby Taylor vs. Nerdy Taylor... One of my favorite ten favorite videos of ALL TIME.

And I can sing.  Every.  Single.  Word.  of this song.  Cause I just dig it.

#49... "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga (2009)
I was wondering when we'd getting to Gaga.  This is a great song, a fun song, as long as you don't actually have to look at her.  I'm afraid if I saw this, or any, of her videos in their entirety, I'd have to seek help.

There are all these people trying to give their opinions on the artistry and genius of the video and how its done and the costumes and such, and I wonder if anyone gives thought to the idea that maybe, just maybe, Gaga is like, "Hey, what can we do that makes no sense whatsoever?  Like, the least amount of sense possible.  Let's do that."

So I choose not to watch Gaga videos.  There are some things you can't un-see.

#48... "Sex on Fire" by Kings of Leon (2009)
Oh yeah, its the Kings of Leon and ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

#47... "Lady Marmalade" by Christina Aguilera, Lil' Kim, Mya and P!nk (2001)
First... I liked "Moulin Rouge" very much.  Second, this song has sentimental value because before we even started dating, one of the key things I learned from The Lovely Steph Leann was the exact pronunciation of "Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir (ce soir), voulez vous coucher avec moi".  I couldn't say it for the life of me, and she graciously walked me through it.  Its the little things, really.

The third thing about this song that makes me laugh is at the end, when they are all singing, "Marma-laaaade.... marma-laaade..." and each chick gets her own little riff to let those vocals flow... Christina does it.  P!nk does it.  Mya does it.  And Lil' Kim?  All she gets out is "uh uh uh uh uh uuuuhh...."

And this video?  Its like the word "slut" threw up all over the camera.  Cause they are singing about hookin'.  Decide for yourself how you feel about that.

#46... "Picture" by Kid Rock with Sheryl Crow (2002)
How did this song even work?  Like, Kid Rock is this obnoxious rocker rapper dude that drinks beer and smokes crack and bangs chicks and don't give no rip... and Sheryl is a chick with a guitar.  And yet, this song works.  Works really, really well.

In fact, take out the fact that they played this song 3,877 times a day (in between "Bleedin' Love"), and the fact that they played this on rock stations and country stations and soft rock stations and everywhere else... take that out, and really... this is a great, great song.

#45... "Let Me Blow Ya Mind" by Eve feat. Gwen Stefani (2001)
This song is so stupid.

But I love it.

What can I say?  I dig me some Gwen Stefani.  Even that stupid Hollaback crap--I love it.  So, even though Eve is a no talent cricket biscuit, Gwen makes up for her completely.

#44... "Californication" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers (2000)
These guys have been around for 34 forevers, and will be around for another 34 more, I'm sure.  And this song is awesome.  And even after all this time, Flea is still an idiot.

#43... "I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry (2008)
Ladies and gentlemen, America's favorite Pastor's Daughter Rocker Bad Girl!  Former Christian music singer (and she wasn't that great as Katy Hudson) joined the pop culture identity with this ode to the Lesbaterian Church.  Personally, not a fan of this song, lesbian themes aside.

However...

#42... "Drops of Jupiter (tell me)" by Train (2001)
...this song I am totally all about.  Probably one of my 50 favorite songs of all time, and Top Ten of the Decade for me, easy.  Its so much fun to sing along to, and "Love, Pride, Deep Fried Chicken" was a serious consideration for the name of this here blog.

Now, I can tell you that I'm not sure what its actually about... but ya wanna know how I won The Lovely Steph Leann?  I promised her the best soy latte that she'd ever had... and me.  Too bad she doesn't like soy.

Man I love this song.

#41... "Trapped in the Closet" by R. Kelly (2005)
Where do I even begin with this song?  Like, seriously?  This song is so long, its has CHAPTERS... like, almost two dozen of them.  Its so bizarre, so weird, so rambling, so meandering, nothing but R. Kelly telling a story of infidelity and jail and the ghetto and other stuff from about 40 different perspectives, including the perspective of being trapped in the closet.

Its an R&B soap opera, and I don't say that as a joke.  And somehow, someway, I'm completely entertained by the entire thing.

By the way, Weird Al's "Trapped in the Drive Thru" is even better.

Welp, that's Part 1 of The Greatest Songs of the 2000s, at least according to Vh1... look out for Part II coming very soon, as soon as I watch it and blog it... and I hope for darn sure its got some better stuff than some of this junk we've seen already.  For every Coblie or "Drops of Jupiter", there are like, 5 M.I.A.s and a Mystikal.  Stay tuned.

At 799

So, you are reading Blog Post number 799.  To be honest, I've probably at least 820, maybe 830 or so, but over time, many have been deleted for various reasons... either they just sucked, it was stuff I didn't want posted anymore, or it was no longer relevant.

And where have I been?  If there was a town called Busy, that would be my home at this point... though to say that, its not entirely fair, because I have had some free time--but either I'm wrapped up in The DFC, I'm working on the podcast materials or I'm just not doing anything because I've spent so much time doing all the other stuff that I need a moment to just be.  Just be.

That being said, I'm not neglecting the site, I promise.  I value each and every click I get on the page, and I thank you for it... and one of the reasons I've not posted much is because I'm approaching Post #800 so quickly.  And I want to do something special for Post #800... I just haven't had time to write it yet.

The Lovely Steph Leann is upstairs finishing a packing job, and we leave for a few days of vacation time with some dear, dear friends, and also some family that will already be there.  But when I return, I plan on sitting at this very desk and writing out what I want to say for my 800th "publish" click.

So please bear with me just a bit longer, know I haven't forgotten you, Dear Coffee Drinker, and in fact, this is a good time for you to go back and find some other stuff you may have missed.  To the right and down are tons of "tags" on all sorts of subjects--go for it.

And if you are reading this on Facebook, you should bookmark the Clouds page too.  Oh yeah, I also own cloudsinmycoffee dot com, and will me making that change soon.  Hopefully.  Maybe for number 800.

More to come.

The Silver Apple of Death

I was 28 years old before I got my first cell phone.  I kinda wanted one a few years before that, living at The Deuce, but my credit was so bad that Bellsouth required a $1000 deposit before signing me up.  Well, you can guess that if I needed a grand for a deposit before getting a phone, then I probably didn't actually have $1000 anyway, so that went by the wayside.

When I got married, The Lovely Steph Leann kinda forced one on me.  I say "forced", though I wasn't necessarily opposed to it.  It was a little flip phone Motorola job, said "Cingular" on the front and served its purpose--that purpose not being for the interweb or emails or pics or anything else, that purpose only being for what its name sake says... cellular PHONE.

Like many people, heck, like most of YOU, I am now a little lost without a phone.  I am so used to carrying it around with me, so used to being able to check the interweb for anything and everything, its a little unnerving not having that power, and I can totally concur with the article I posted in July.

So Monday night, when I lost the power in my own iPhone for a good 18 hours, it was weird.  Almost liberating, yet terrifying. 

I usually do update my iPod on a nightly basis, and my iPhone every few days.  When I plugged my iPod into iTunes, iNoticed that there were several apps that needed to be updated, and one of them included... Facebook.  It was called Facebook 4.0, an overhaul of the actual app, and supposedly a new layout and a new design and its going to be easier to use and so on and so forth and heck, I'm going for it! 

So after a little while, I plugged in my iPhone to update, and after ten minutes or so--normally it would be a like, two minutes, but my computer is pretty crappy--it was finished.  I "ejected" and then pulled up Facebook on the phone to see the changes.

The app opened, and the words FACEBOOK stared back at me from a solid blue screen.  And it loaded.  And loaded.  And loaded.  And after about ten minutes of FACEBOOK on a solid blue screen, I hit the home button (the circle button at the front bottom) to go back to the regular screen.  I tried it again, hitting the FB app, and the same thing happened.  And this time, my phone froze.  I couldn't click out of it, I couldn't do anything else, and so after another several minutes, I did what I usually use as a last resort--I rebooted.  Hit the circle home button, and held the power button at the top for a few seconds, and the phone powered down.

I turned it back on again, it opened, and one more time, I hit FB.  And the phone froze.  Again. 

I rebooted once more, then decided I would reload the app.  So with some fancy finger work, I deleted the FB application, and then went to the App Store, found the "update" key, and click on "Facebook" to reload.  It re-installed, yet once again,  I found myself in this loop of FACEBOOK staring, frozen phone, reboot.   As I rebooted, I thought to myself, "Okay, its late, and I'm going to stop this nonsense and just go to bed."

And I did.

I finished brushing my teeth, put on my sleep shorts and shirt, and crawled into bed, with the intention of not checking FB, but just checking email, maybe seeing a few baseball scores and so on, so I clicked the phone back on from the reboot.  Like normal, the little silver apple came up, so I put the phone aside to talk to The Lovely Steph Leann while it took a few seconds to power up.

I turned back to it to see the little silver apple still there.  Turning away, I thought, "That's odd--that's a little longer than normal, but okay."  I did some picking up around the room, straightening the blankets and such, and crawled back into bed, only to find the silver apple still there.  And not moving.

Once more, I did a reboot.  I powered on, and the silver apple came up.  And stayed there.  The Silver Apple of Death.

I crawled out of bed yet again, and this time went downstairs.  I thought I'd do some online research on the iPhone and find out what to do... I found out two things--one, there is this trick you do with plugging it in to your computer, and powering up at the same time, and open up iTunes while singing Nichole Nordeman music, looking at The History Channel International and picking your teeth with the corner of a nearby index card... two, the Facebook app is deadly.

I did a combo of reboots and attempted syncing and other instructions as listed on several sites on the interweb, but nothing.  The Silver Apple of Death still stared at me.  Sighing, I logged onto the Apple Store website and made my appointment for the next afternoon.  It looked like there were lots and lots of appointments available, but having been to this store a few times with iPod and iTouch issues, I knew that a walk-in appointment was something hard to obtain... likewise, I wasn't lulled into a sense of ease when I signed up in a time amongst empty slots for visits.

The next day at work was like most others at The Caffeine Store, other than I had no phone.  I couldn't check the time.  On my break, I was so used to checking my email right quick, looking at Facebook quickly to see anything I missed, to check Twitter to see any news about Disney World, or The Rock, or anything else I subscribe to...

Essentially, it was just like life at 28 years old, before the cell phone.  And it was weird.  Weird and kinda great.  Almost as if I was able to get a small taste of how life would be were I disconnected... well, not completely disconnected, but maybe not as connected.  Remember, there was a time just a few short years ago for many people including myself, when texting wasn't really an option.  My first data plan allowed me 50 text messages per month.  With Melanie texing me about work and life, with Mikey and Matty texting me about The Deucecast, and The Lovely Steph Leann texting me instructions about where I need to go and what I need to do, I go through 50 texts by mid-afternoon many times.

Of course, the novelty of the disconnection was short lived, especially when I needed to check a score, or I needed to find out who sings a certain song, or what a certain lyric might be, or exactly how many movies has D.B. Sweeney done since "The Cutting Edge" (22, I think)--these are things I'm used to finding out at the drop of a hat, but when the smartphone is kaput, your answers are out of reach.

Leaving work, I make my way on Tuesday to The Summit and get into the Apple Store, right at 230, just in time for my appointment.  I check in, then stand off to the side and await my turn.  Like I suspected, a large number of open appointments online is no guarantee that I'll be in and out in a timely matter. 

"ding ding"

I'm standing there, staring at the overpriced accessories (seriously, who thinks $29.99 is a fair price for a rubberized piece of silicone that wraps your phone?) and I hear the familiar ding of a text.  My text.  I pull the phone out of my pocket, and stare at it.  And sure enough, there is a text from my pastor, one that was sent about four hours earlier.  And whats more, the Silver Apple of Death is no longer on my phone... my wallpaper is looking at me.  I open the iPhone, and immediately see what Facebook does when I try to open it--if I'm going to freeze up the phone, I should do it here, right?  If you are going to get sick, the best place to do so is the hospital.

Facebook gives me the blue screen, loads for a minute or two, and opens.  And there it is. 

And of course, after waiting already for 30 minutes, with a working phone in my hand, an Apple Apprentice greets me and asks me my issues.

I smile and say, "Ya know how when your car is making funny noises for a while, and then you decide to take it to the mechanic, but when you get it to the auto shop, it stops making noises?"  When he nods "yes", I reply,"Yup.  That's my iPhone."

I tell him my issues, and how its started working again, and he tells me how this Facebook app has been really causing a ton of issues, and lots of people are bringing in their iPhones and iPads with similar problems.  However, since it started working, it seems like my own iPhone has "broken through" the problem, and has come clean on the other side. 

Maybe soon I should disconnect completely.  Just put the phone down, not have interweb access at all times, just go back to the days when I had to go home to make a phone call, when I had to find an actual computer to check my email...

(laughing hard)

Yeah, I know.  I am so doggone funny!

50/50: 100% Great

This review is written about two hours after the we arrived home from seeing the movie.  Its a little scattered, because I'm sleepy and I'm also distracting by watching ESPN's "Catching Hell", a documentary about the Steve Bartman incident in 2003, which by the way, this doc is cotton picking awesome.  Anyway, hope you get the sense of my thoughts of this movie, even though its all over the place. 

Adam works for Seattle Public Radio, working on a piece about a volcano, living a humdrum life, dating the quite stunning Rachael, best buddies with Kyle and is simply enjoying his life as is.

(cue screeching record needle on record)

Until, of course, he discovers he has cancer.  A serious, excessive, painful cancer that will kill him without chemo and ultimately major surgery that may not even work.

And so is the story of "50/50", a film written somewhat autobiographically by Will Reiser, a guy who had, and beat, cancer.  He is also good friends with Seth Rogen, who stars as Kyle, along side of Joseph Gordon-Levitt's portrayal of Adam.

Adam and Rachael are together, but Kyle hates her.  So things
go bad fast.

Adam tries to keep his life in some semblance of order after he gets his diagnosis, which doesn't help when his girlfriend Rachael, makes some pretty bad choices... I truly don't think I'm ruining anything, because from the very beginning, you get an uneasy sense that this isn't going to go well, and Bryce Dallas Howard's performance as Rachael is just great.

Another surprise in this film is Philip Baker Hall (Alan) and Matt Frewer (Mitch), two That Guys that join Adam in chemo, and add humor, warmth and even more heart as they compare cancer notes and issues.  Their scene in the backyard, perhaps off putting by the weed going around, is still awesome.

The Lovely Steph Leann and I procured free passes to a special sneak of this film, meeting up with my buddy Mikey and my other buddy Shawn, and I gotta tell ya, this film was absolutely fantastic.

Kyle (Rogen) has a hard time adjusting too, but turns it into a positive after learning the cancer helps both of them get digits from chicks, get dates and meet lots and lots of women.  Seth Rogen's last leading role was a disaster ("Observe and Report"), but here in a supporting role in "50/50", he's perfect.

The duo of Rogen and Gordon-Levitt works really well, you believe them as best friends, and though you really don't find out how they became friends or how long, there is a line that tells you they've been friends since high school, giving you the indication that its been a while.  When Adam finally has a realization of what is happening to him, and what might happen to him once that surgery happens, its some of the finest acting on Gordon-Levitt's part that I've seen in a while.  Seth Rogen is also brilliant here, because as the dorky, skirt-chasing but big hearted best friend, he doesn't know what to do, he's just speechless.

Anna Kendrick is awesome.  She's no Amy Adams (whom I'm in love with)
but she is still awesome.

The only two predictable moments in the movie to me really was that Adam's relationship with Rachael would go bad, and that when Adam's therapist, Katherine (played by the wonderful Anna Kendrick), enters the picture, you know there is a spark there.  I won't tell you how, or even if, that spark is played out, but you know there is a connection there, predictably.

Adam's father, suffering from Alzheimer's, is being taken care of by his mother, played well by Anjelica Huston, who goes all emotional when she finds out, and becomes the smothering mother that he has to deal with, amongst other things.

The iconic moment of the movie,
or at least the movie poster.
  As Adam starts to shave his
head, he asks Kyle, "What
do you use this for?"  Kyle shrugs.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt, in a fair world, would be sniffing an Oscar nomination, at the least a Golden Globe nod, because his performance is awesome.  I love this guy in "Inception", as his character is one of the coolest cats out there, but he tops himself in "50/50".  I enjoy Seth Rogen being goofy in any number of movies, but his semi-serious turn that he couldn't nail in "Funny People" is nailed here.  Bryce Dallas Howard doesn't have a huge role, but does it right, while Anna Kendrick shines as Katherine, just like she does as Natalie in "Up In the Air", a movie which is quickly becoming one of my all time favorites.

Loved this film, one of the best I've seen this year... however, this movie is not for kids, as the language flows pervasive and free flowing, and there is a few uses of the Mary Jane plant... there is one sex scene, though you really don't see anything, and it ends a little different than you would think, almost in a sympathetic fashion.  Its about an hour forty-five or so, maybe a little less, but it is paced really well and honestly, its one of those rare movies that I didn't want to end.

The CD Adventures of Winnie the Pooh

First of all, let me say... "Winnie the Pooh" is wonderful.  I mean, absolutely wonderful.

For those fans of classic Disney Animation, or those of you who are fans of the old school Pooh, not this preschool abomination that is on Playhouse Disney, with that stupid Darby chick, where the animation is all computerized and clunky and the stories are on the level of a 3 year old... okay, well, I guess that's on purpose... but anyway, this is Pooh how he should be.  And Eeyore.  And Owl.  And Kanga & Roo.  And Rabbit.  And of course, Tigger... and Christopher Robin is back in his tussled hair, shorty short and yellow shirtyness.


Here's the trailer for "Winnie the Pooh", using Keane's "Somewhere Only We Know".  Even though this song wasn't in the actual film, its use in the trailer is brilliant.

In our story, Eeyore has lost his tail (again).  And so the gang goes on a mission to replace the tail, and Pooh just wants some lunch--that would be in the form of honey.  Along the way, though, due to a misunderstanding (and to Owl's pompousness--Craig Ferguson does a great job here), they end up preparing themselves for a scary creature named The Backson which brings in a memorable and fun musical number.

The characters also utilize the fact that they are in a story, namely in an actual book, as the letters on "the page" are acknowledged and even used in a desperate situation in the film.

If you remember early Pooh stories, mostly from the compilation film "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh", they are simple yet smart, simply drawn yet beautifully drawn, with a story that's easy to understand, yet funny, warm and adult enough to keep the older folk entertained... that is, if you want to be entertained.

Don't go into "Winnie the Pooh" expecting a Pixar movie.  Don't think you'll see "The Incredibles" or "Finding Nemo" here, but in its own way, "Pooh" is just as good.  There's no CGI, though computers were used for some of the animation, but much of it is traditionally hand drawn--and this will grow into an absolute Disney Classic, as it should.  Its wonderful.

I loved this movie, and had this movie come out two years later, I could totally see this being the first movie for Lorelei Addision or Campbell Isaiah, especially with its short 65 minute running time.  And yes, we'll be purchasing this on home video when its available.

The other thing I enjoyed about this movie was the music... actress and singer Zooey Deschanel steps in to sing three songs, and is awesome.  I'm not that familiar with Zooey's music, though I do know she is in a musical duo called She & Him (her partner in S&H is M. Ward, who also helped with music for Pooh), who was featured on a previous episode of The Deucecast.



Anyway, she's great.  My favorite is "So Long", featured in the video, but she also does a super version of the Pooh theme song, and another song called "A Very Important Thing to Do"... and "The Backson Song" is so much doggone fun.  I know that we had a CD Purge a few weeks back, but darn it, I want this soundtrack for my very own.  I want this CD.

I'd been nosing around for it, usually when I go into Best Buy or Target or Wal-Mart, I'll step to the Soundtrack section, or Kids music, and have been doing this since mid-August, but alas, I've seen nary a copy.  Even at 2nd & Charles, my new favorite place to buy and sell used CDs and movies, there have been no sightings of it.  (just as an aside, its somewhat slightly surreal to see a CD that you used to own on a sale rack, with a price tag on it, knowing that since they are selling it for $3.49, you probably were paid about 36 cents for it...)

Tonight, The Lovely Steph Leann and I were enjoying a tasty dinner at Zoe's Kitchen (they returned my man card as I was leaving) at The Summit, and remembered there was a Coconut's nearby.  Coconuts used to be my home for used CDs, but all the locations I knew of closed except for this one single store.  After dinner, I drove over, parked and ran in quickly--The Lovely Steph Leann elected to stay in the car, as I could have run in and out in the time it took her to get from the car to the front door.

I finally found it.  But not used.  New.  And Coconuts, for all the great prices they have on used CDs completely sucks it up when it comes to new ones.  The price?  $17.99.  I cannot remember the last time I paid for than say, $14 for any CD of any kind, much less $17.99 for this.  Disappointed, I sighed and put it back and ambled back to the car.

"Didn't have it?" she asked as I started the car and backed out of the spot.
"No, they did, but it was $17.99, and I wasn't about to pay that for any CD," I replied.
"Can you download it on iTunes?" she asked.
"Well, yeah.. but... " I started... and I guess I should.  But I just don't want to.  I want the actual CD.

Do you know what I mean?  In this digital age where its easy to have 15,613 songs on an iPod (like I do), I sometimes lament the loss of the physical CD.  Not always, but sometimes.  In our CD purge, over 300 CDs lost their cases, with the jackets and the discs going in the CD book, the plastic cases being tossed and recycled.  But sometimes, you just want to hold the case.  While driving in the car, open the case, pull the disc out and insert it into your CD player.

Or, if you are old school, open that case, pull the disc out and insert it into a small stereo, or your computer or your DVD player for playing.  Certain CDs, you just don't want to scroll up and down on your circle pad on the mp3 player, or plug into the AUX port in the car or whatever.

I brought up the fact that The Lovely Steph Leann has a Nook, and she's mentioned before that she sometimes likes have a book in her hand, being able to bend the cover back, break the spine to show that its been read, to flip the physical pages and such... she sighed, and said, "Yeah, but I guess I've made the transition."

Perhaps its the same thing that our grandparents went through, watching our parents pass up vinyl for 8 tracks, or cassettes, or passing up .45s for cassette singles.  Watching some parents, maybe older siblings passing up or transitioning from those same cassettes to CDs.  And now, we are making conscious decisions to move from larger CDs and clunky, space consuming CD towers to music on mp3 players, saved on our computers, all on our hard drive, playable at the click of an iPod wheel or the press of a triangle in iTunes.

I hope that Lorelei and/or Campbell know what its like to put a CD in a CD player.  And if I'm lucky, they'll but putting their copy of The Winnie the Pooh Soundtrack CD in a CD player.

But not for $17.99.

The Silliness of Star Wars

Friday, one of the most beloved--and criticized, perhaps even overhyped--franchises in the history of movie was released on Blu-Ray for the first time. And I though I didn't purchase it (oh, believe me, I wanted to, but I decided to make grown up decisions about my money), it still flew off of the shelves at Best Buy, Target and Wal-Mart, as I was greeted by empty spaces amongst those poorly constructed Empire or Jedi cardboard stands.

But to celebrate the Star Wars release date, I wanted to post the following... I took this from Entertainment Weekly's Darrin Franich, about a love of Star Wars, yet a yearning to see all the hype about vitriol about George Lucas go away--not to defend the man, but to simply say, "Seriously guys... it wasn't that great of a movie..." Hurricane Rhett, this is for you... Franich writes:

When I say that it’s time for us to stop caring so much about Star Wars, I want you to understand: When I was a kid, my obsession with Star Warswas all-encompassing. I had the original trilogy memorized — not just the lines, but the sound effects. I had a massive collection of Star Wars action figures: the Ewok village, the Y-Wing fighters, the Empire Strikes Back-era rendition of Han Solo, when he was wearing that awesome blue jacket. I collected Star Wars comics, Star Wars fan magazines, Star Wars T-shirts. I lost track of how many times I played through Shadows of the Empire on my Nintendo 64. In fifth grade, I had only one real goal in life: To write a series of books for the Star WarsExpanded Universe. The books were going to star Davin Felth, the stormtrooper who says “Look sir, droids!” in the first movie. (I can’t tell you why, exactly, I was so fascinated by such a minor character. Maybe it was his initials.)

What I’m trying to say is that Star Wars simply was my childhood. I didn’t have many friends, and I couldn’t play sports, so my obsession was splashed with a massive dollop of yearning. I wanted so badly to live in the Star Wars universe. Which meant that, for a young me, George Lucas was more than just my idol: He was a walking representation of transcendence.

And, as it happened, I wasn’t the only one who felt that way: When I was an adolescent, the God-Cult of George Lucas was a massive cultural force. There was a Star Wars exhibit at the National Air and Space Museum. You couldn’t walk through a philosophy section of a bookstore without seeing at least five books describing how Star Wars was a modern myth, how George Lucas was heavily influenced by Joseph Campbell, how Carl Jung was all overThe Empire Strikes Back. Since the ’90s were a miserable time for sci-fi/fantasy movies —Lost in Space, Dragonheart, Wing Commander — the promise of more Star Wars films just over the horizon made Lucas seem (to my young, naive eyes) like the anointed savior of the cinema.

Like every other science-fiction-loving movie fan from my generation and earlier, I can pinpoint the specific day that I lost my innocence: May 19, 1999, the day Star Wars: Episode I — The Phantom Menace opened in theaters.

There was already an anti-George Lucas movement growing in the dark corners of the Internet after the 1997 Special Editions: You know, Greedo shooting first, that ridiculous Wampa costume, the bizarre choice to make the Sarlacc Pit look like a refugee from Little Shop of Horrors. But Episode I cemented a whole Star Wars counter-myth, best expressed in the eternal cry of the betrayed Star Wars fanboy: “George Lucas raped my childhood.” That’s a sentiment that returns to the spotlight every couple years, usually when a new version of Star Wars hits DVD with additional “corrections.” Certainly, it’s the most common response to the news — reported yesterday by EW — that the new Blu-ray version of Return of the Jedi will feature Darth Vader melodramatically screaming “Nooooo!”

Believe me, there is a big part of me that wants to join the chorus of betrayed fans. But why? Why am I so angry at the man who was responsible for some of the major formative moments in my existence? Studying various Star Wars encyclopedias was a gateway drug for enjoying actual genuine history books. Watching the films on repeat taught me basic film grammar. Star Wars made me love science-fiction, so I have to thank George Lucas for indirectly pointing me onwards to Philip K. Dick, to Iain M. Banks, to Robert Heinlein and Orson Scott Card and every other great S.F. author. George Lucas can’t ruin my childhood, because my childhood already happened.

And that, I think, is why all the George Lucas hatred is fundamentally misplaced — and, in fact, why my initial gut-reaction (“Screw you, George!”) reflects much worse on me. The reason why our first response is to hate George Lucas is not because Lucas is ruining our childhoods. Far from it. Lucas is, perhaps accidentally, forcing us to admit two things: First, that our childhoods are over; and second, that the things we enjoy when we are children tend to be silly.

Because make no mistake: Star Wars is extremely, extremely silly.

I want to stress: Silliness is not a bad thing. Silly things can be important, and even profound. The first Star Wars film is a near-perfect work of propulsive silliness: funny robots and ninja-priests who speak from beyond the grave and big scary space-weapons that can blow up planets. The second Star Warsfilm is a genuinely perfect Hollywood entertainment, a work of narrative schadenfreude that merrily chops our beloved heroes down to size. And then there’s Return of the Jedi, which is basically an extended episode of The Muppets.

I’m not insulting any of these movies, but you have to understand that Star Wars is the rare long-running science-fiction series that doesn’t really have any Big Ideas at its core. The whole Light Side/Dark Side dichotomy is so vague that it could essentially apply to anything: The Cold War, the American political system, Pong. Lucas famously attempted to sprinkle a Big Idea into the Star Wars prequels — the rise of reactionary fascism in a republican democracy — but the metaphor was simultaneously too on the nose and too cluttered by narrative doggerel. The early movies don’t need Big Ideas. They are fun, and fun can never be overrated. (I guess you could argue that the “Idea” of Star Wars is just very elemental: “You should be a good person, because good is more powerful than evil.” But that’s not an idea; it’s a Sunday School lesson plan.)

But we have to stop confusing the fun of Star Wars with the abstract notion of cinematic perfection. Unfortunately, we live in an era of nostalgia, and nostalgia makes everything look profound, especially the stupid things you enjoyed when you were a kid. Take Return of the Jedi. Jedi is a bad movie by every measure, but I loved it when I was a kid, because when I was a kid I was much stupider than I am now, because kids are stupid. When I saw the Special Editions in theaters, the only tweak that bothered me was the deletion of “Yub-Nub”from the film’s finale. “Yub-Nub” is a terrible song. Kids are stupid. I purchased every issue of Kevin J. Anderson’s “Tales of the Jedi” cycle, even though the characters were all lame and the plot was pretty dull. Kids are stupid. Once, I put my finger on a lit stove just to see what it would feel like. Kids are stupid.

I’m reminded of an incredible section in Sir Alec Guinness’ memoir, My Name Escapes Me: The Diary of a Retiring Actor, in which he describes his feelings on the Star Wars franchise:

A refurbished Star Wars is on somewhere or everywhere. I have no intention of revisiting any galaxy. I shrivel inside each time it is mentioned. Twenty years ago, when the film was first shown, it had a freshness, also a sense of moral good and fun. Then I began to be uneasy at the influence it might be having. The first bad penny dropped in San Francisco when a sweet-faced boy of twelve told me proudly that he had seen Star Wars over a hundred times. His elegant mother nodded with approval. Looking into the boy’s eyes I thought I detected little star-shells of madness beginning to form and I guessed that one day they would explode.

Guinness was a real actor. He was in freaking Bridge on the River Kwai, a thrilling entertainment that is also a bitter, fascinating meditation on war. So we Star Wars fans should, perhaps, pay more attention to him than we typically do. Guinness begged the little fanboy to never see Star Wars ever again; when he wrote the memoir, he expressed his hope that the little boy, “now in his thirties, is not living in a fantasy world of secondhand, childish banalities.”

But in a way, that’s exactly what happened to popular culture. We’ve all become so obsessed with the notion that the original Star Wars films were perfect and wonderful and original, and mean old George Lucas just keeps on changing them. In turn, we all believe that the next great action-adventure franchise is just around the corner. When franchises disappoint us — when X-Men and Spider-Man and The Matrix and Pirates of the Caribbean all descend into big-budgeted inanity — we might be angry at the filmmakers, but we never stop to question our basic presumption: That big, dumb action trilogies can be anything more than big, dumb action trilogies.

I think that it is time to put away childish things. Time to admit that Star Wars — like fruit snacks and Nickelodeon — should perhaps be left behind in our adolescence. There is no shame in changing your mind about something, and come on, can you really trust someone who hasn’t evolved beyond a first-grade level? The reason why we hate George Lucas is because we are George Lucas: Eternally obsessed with putting a spit-shine on films from long ago, insisting that Star Wars is the modern myth, and so it can never stop evolving.

There will always be generations of children who love Return of the Jedi, but there should also be generations of adults who admit that Return of the Jedi is awful — yes, even without the added “Nooooo!” Star Wars was never perfect, and will never be perfect. That dream is already behind us. We will never be kids again, so maybe it’s time to just grow the hell up.

And that's Darren French. Enjoy.

As It Happened

September 11th, ten years later.  I posted the following in 2009, and it was a hugely popular post, and a great reminder of the day.

Click here to go to the "As It Happened" post. 

Note to Facebook users, please click over to Clouds in My Coffee, as the videos will not show up on Facebook.  Thanks

The Eulogy for Mom

This is the eulogy, written by me in room 201 of the Opp Inn Best Western at 1035pm on Thursday, September 8th, for my dear mum, Velma Dollar.  Read at her funeral, Friday, September 9th, at 2pm.

Thanks to all the family and friends who have come out tonight... it's kind of a lose-lose situation for those of us who loved Mom, because while she'd be happy you were here, she would be irritated at all of us for causing such a fuss over her.

Jan asked me to write the eulogy some time ago, and even until yesterday, I was struggling with what to say.  But after talking with the family and the people that loved her yesterday, I was able to do it quickly.

I got the call Tuesday morning that Mom had passed away.

I work in a coffee shop in Birmingham, AL, where my wife and I live.  There had been severe storms in the area over those few days, and the power was out in many neighborhoods, making our little store the place to be for breakfast and coffee... meaning, we were quite busy all morning long.  So when my phone rang, I wasn't able to take the call.  I continued working, intending on checking the message as soon as I could.

But when the phone rang again... and then for a third, then fourth time in a row, I knew.  I knew it had happened.  I asked to leave the floor, and quickly went to call back.  And I heard what I knew I would hear... "Momma just passed away."  It wasn't unexpected, mind you, she had been sick for a while, had been in and out of the hospital for some time now.  But it was still painful.  I sat on the backroom floor, next to a grungy mop sink and I cried for a few minutes.  Because the woman who raised me was gone.

But oh what a life she lived.   At almost 80 years old, she lived a full life, perhaps a hard life sometimes, maybe an unexciting life but a full life nonethless.  But if I could describe her life in one word, and one word only, I would say this word.  Love.  Because, you see, its not a stretch to say she was our family matriarch, she was the center tree in a forest full of kids, grandkids, uncles, aunts, nieces, nephews and more.

She loved.

She loved many things.  She loved her NASCAR.  She loved watching racing on Sunday afternoons, watching grown men making left turns for three hours.  She had the opportunity to go to a race once, and she loved it so, so much, though she told me it was 3 hours of racing, and 3 hours of trying to leave the parking lot.

She loved her sewing and her gardening.  One of the jokes I told my friends was that she could make a stone grow into a beautiful plant, harvest those leaves and knit you a quilt with them, while turning the stems into a casserole that would melt in your mouth.  In her later years, she was unable to sew those quilts, those coasters, those pot holders, and kneel in her garden and it saddened her greatly... because she loved doing those things.

She loved her TV shows... as a kid, I remember sitting up late with her on the couch and watching Night Court, laughing at jokes that I didn't fully understand until years later.  She loved her Wheel of Fortune, she loved her game shows, she loved her country music, she loved her Phase 10 and her Skip Bo.  She loved those things.

She loved being real.  She didn't put up a front for anyone, she was who she was, and she didn't put up with anyone who did try to be fake.  Once, I brought home some friends from college and in a rousing game of Phase 10, one of my friends decided it would be a good idea to skip Mama Dollar--that's what all the friends called her.  She glared at him, then called him a Poop-Butt, only she had a more colorful term for it.  And in those two expletives, he felt love because she said it with such a friendly smile, and such a warm spirit.  She loved being real with people.

She loved walking up to the library and sitting and talking with Mrs. Susie... she loved talking a stroll to the IGA supermarket for some light groceries... she loved sitting on her front porch, waving at cars that would drive by as some teenager she didn't recognize would yell "Hey Mom!"... she loved having my friends like Chris and Greg and Tonya come over so she could laugh with them, sometimes at them... she loved going up to The Wrights for dinner... She loved them.

Love.

She loved her husband.  She loved John, my dad, with all of her heart.  They met later in their life, but she loved him with a ferocity that couldn't be matched.  Despite his flaws, despite his failures, despite his later years where he began to forget, where he began to end, she loved him until his dying day.  She would say that she dreamed about him coming to see her, to the point that she was convinced she was awake when he visited.  Who am I to tell her she's wrong.

She loved her brothers and sisters.  She loved Merva Lee and their days together, as they would ride up to the commissary to buy groceries.  She loved Hilda's singing and Ruby and Earleen, and were so glad when they moved here, so she could see them on a regular basis.  She loved her brothers dearly, too.  When Uncle Opal died and she couldn't be there, she sat in her room and cried for an hour.  She loved them.

She loved her girls.  Betty Joyce... Dinky... Nan... and Bug.  She loved them so deeply.  Perhaps she wasn't always the best mom.  Perhaps she didn't have all the answers.  Perhaps she made mistakes, sometimes big, sometimes small... but she loved Betty, Linda, Jan and Judy.  Maybe it was Mom who taught them to love as well.  She would defend her girls to her dying day over anything and anybody.  She loved them.  Betty, Linda, Judy, Jan... she loves you still, even as she walks streets of gold.

She loved her grandkids.  She loved Linda's girl, April.  She thought April was so beautiful and so smart and when I asked--and sometimes when I didn't--how April was doing, she would brag on April, and how she finished school and how she was working here and how she was doing this.  She loved you, and was proud of you.

She loved Betty's kids, Marty, Frankie Jr and Shannon.  Three separate children, three completely different personalities, but she loved them all just the same.  She loved Marty's ambition, she loved Frankie Jr's loyalty to his family, she loved Shannon and her goofiness.  She loved spending weeks at a time in Virginia with them, grandkids and great-grandkids alike crawling all over their Granny Dollar.

She loved Judy's boys, Steven and John.  She watched them grow up, she watched them become men, and she would tell me frequently where they were in the world, what they were doing, and how proud she was of them, often showing off the things that they would bring back to her from far away lands.  Steven, John... she loved you and was so proud of all you've done.

She loved Jan's boys, Shawn, Chris and Bobby.  She also watched them grow up, and she never judged them for any mistakes that were made.  Instead, she bragged how proud she was of them about what they came through, and what they were becoming.  And how much she loved her great-grandkids too.  Shawn, Chris, Bobby... she loved you three for the men you've become.

Our final picture together.  She passed a week later.

And she loved me.  She brought me into her home when it was just her and Dad, when they were done with kids, when their marriage was quiet and peaceful and they were fine... she loved me enough to take me in when, at the time, it was the only way to know I was being taken care of.  She raised me, she taught me responsibility, and taught me to respect and love as well.

I believe that there is a legacy left behind.  And that legacy is love.  If any of us could love our spouses... love our children... love our grandchildren... love those around us as much as Velma Dollar loved... we could consider ourselves blessed beyond measure.

She loved.  And I know that she would want you to do the same.