The Idol that Saved Pittsburgh

First... shaaaaameless plug.  For those of you who don't know, I co-host a podcast with my buddy Mikey and produced by Tommy Mac, which is downloadable on iTunes, or from our website, The Deucecast (as the podcast is called). I only mention this because last night's show was pretty good, actually, including a heated debate not only on the serious subject of the American education system, but also on the serious subject of whether comedies deserve consideration in awards programs like The Academy Awards.   Click to the site to get the show, and give it a listen.  Mikey and I's nasally drone can wear thin, but we do what we can.


And as soon as I can figure it out, I'd like to some video podcasts on this here site too... and, a change in address is coming.  Great things are afoot at Clouds in My Coffee!  Oy!

Now... just saw a commercial on Fox for a show called "The Finder", with Michael Clarke Duncan.  Its an indication of how much network tv I've avoided when I tell you that I've never, ever even heard of this show.

Seacrusty is strolling along a suspension bridge, telling us its the first time the show has been in The City of Champions, that being Pittsburgh.  You ready?

THIS

IS

AMER

ICAN

IDOL!!!

As usual, the opening montage displays the past Idol winners, and some Idol success stories... thought I am a little surprised when Lee DeWyze shows up--I feel like he's to Idol what the Star Wars Christmas Special is to George Lucas... they just want to forget the whole thing and pretend it never happened.

Right off the bat, its a 22 year old Asian dude who tells the camera he's not sure if he's good enough, and he's not sure if he can be the next American Idol.  He says he likes to sing R&B, but is singing "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You" by Michael Bolton.  His name is Heejun Han, and holy crap... he's actually not bad.  Like, he's pretty good.  I'm a little shocked here, cause Idol usually sets these guys up to fail bigtime.  Wow.

He's better than some of the putzs we heard yesterday, and heck, I'd send him straight to Hollywood.  He's like, William Hung with talent!  Randy the Dawg loves him, Creepy Uncle Stevie says yes and J-Lo approves.

Speaking of Michael Bolton... I'm a fan.  There, I said it.  Okay, well, to be more specific, I'm a fan of 1988 through 1995 Michael Bolton.  Everything he's done from "Can I Touch You There" and on, I didn't like.  But his early solo stuff is fantastic.


I got $90 in iTunes money for Christmas, and this video was one of my first purchases.  


I actually started typing out some Mike Bolton stuff, but thought it would be better served as another post.  You know, so I can discuss in more length my favorite stuff.  Look for that in the next few days, all you Mike Bolton Fans--I'm talking to you, Brad Latta!

We are back from commercial, and the room is filled with those who are ready to sing for Randy the Dawg, J-Lo and Creepy Uncle Steven.  Up next is a dude who has been performing with his family for years.  Reed Grimm, 26, comes in and actually sings a jazzy version of... yes, the "Family Matters" theme song, complete with scatting.  I didn't just make that up.  And it was awesome.

Of course, all three YES votes send Reed to the Holly Wood!  Kinda reminds me of The Eliminated Casey Abrams.

Aaron Marcelles busts out some "Change is Gonna Come" and sounds awesome.  Chase Likens, 20, does some country and isn't as good as the three previous, but still, very good.  We see quick clips of people who have made it, including a spitting image of a 20 year old Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

Two girls, one who is a self-proclaimed singer.  The other is a self-proclaimed "Planker"  Yes, she says that she is planking the other chick to Hollywood.  Which essentially means, she's lying very still and straight.  Thats it.  I dislike both of these girls immediately, one for daring to actually tell the nation she is a Planker, and the other for associating with such riff-raff.

I love the fact that as she is walking out with her Golden Ticket, Idol
plays Carrie Underwood's "Flat on the Floor"

They give her a whole segment, but all she's doing is LYING DOWN!!!  Dear goodness, I freaking plank every night for at least 4 hours.  Geez.

Samantha Novacek sings a little country, with her sister planking in front of her.  I'd give Samantha a Golden Ticket just for kicking her idiot sister in the stomach right now.  J-Lo loved the song.   Creepy Uncle Steven loved the tone, the voice, all that.  Randy the Dawg liked the vibe alot.  Sammy N gets a YES from all three.

Creepy Uncle Steven says what I--and hopefully you the viewer--had been thinking... "Did her sister really come out here to plank?"

So, I'm assuming the next audition will be terrible.  It has to be.  We've had a hot streak of several in a row that have been great.. surely they will give us something for fodder, something I can make total borderline inappropriate jokes about.

So this guy decided to write a song on the way to Idol from NYC... Creighton Fraker sings a little ditty about the judges, and has a really, really, reeeeeally annoying voice.  Like, really.  J-Lo says, "If Timberlake and Jamiroquai had a baby..."  That is a perfect analogy.

Creepy Uncle Steven praises him, then asks for another song.  The judges are lapping this up... but this guy... he's a diva.  He's going to Hollywood and will be a diva.  Maybe the Idol Producers know this will make for great drama, but I'm not a fan.   I put him with obnoxious Braided Hair Sista from Savannah's audition.

By the way, I really want to see Tom Hardy, Chris Pine and Reese Witherspoon in "Spy vs. Spy"... okay, correction, its called "This Means War".  I swear I thought this was called "Spy vs Spy"... anyway, it looks kinda fun.  And, despite my better judgement, I want to see "One for the Money" with Katherine Heigl.  I have not read the books, though they are on my list, and The Lovely Steph Leann is on book six or seven by now.  However, Katherine Heigl has burned me so many times on her movies... yet, I still want to see it. Darn you Heigl!  Darn you for taking my money on your promises of goodness and consistent deliveries of badness!


 Yes, it looks stupid.  But fun and stupid.

And we're back. Evan Franckewitz, 15, is our first Beiber of the year.  Coming from Ohio, we have a BACKSTORY ALERT!  Mom and Dad are so proud--they just said so.  Randy the Dawg says, "Who do people say you look like", and he says, "Justin Beiber".  Evan... excuse me, its EBEN (who does that to their kid?  the only way that name works is if your last name is "flow".  Seriously) is going to sing "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers, one of my top 30 favorite songs of all time.

First, its a respectable attempt.  Not great, but decent.  Secondly, this guy is far, far too white to sing this song.  That is a soul song, and this kid, talented as he may be, has no soul.  Of course, the judges give him a Golden Ticket.  And Idol plays Beiber music as he comes out of the audition room.  I predict he ends up crying at some point during Hollywood Week.

Travis Orlando is back!  He sang last year, didn't make it very far, and this year is here to sing "Isn't She Lovely".   No joke, I think this guy is pretty good.  Not incredible, but good.  And J-Lo is telling him that he's not getting all of his voice out?  Creepy Uncle Steven is saying he's not sure Travis is singing with passion?  Really?

BACKSTORY ALERT!!   Travis' mom walked out on the family for another man after he left Idol last year, then he got evicted, then his dad got sick and lost his job and they moved into a shelter.  Holy crap, really?  Perhaps whatshernuts has room in her tent in the woods.

And... THIS MEANS EVERYTHING TO TRAVIS.  Original.

Randy the Dawg gives a hesitant YES, and so does J-Lo and Creepy Uncle Steven.  This guy sounded better than No Soul Beiber earlier, so I am not sure why the hesitation is there.

Of course, homeless high school drop out Travis is holding an iPhone--and thats at least a 4, if not a 4G, with a very nice case.  Hey Travis, thats my tax dollars at work.  Your welcome.

And we're back, with J-Lo running late, Creepy Uncle Steven and Randy the Dawg kick off Day Two in Pittsburgh with an impromptu jam session for the Idolites.

Up next, a "mobile DJ", who says she moves in and out of bars for a week or so performing, and she does wedding singing.  Erika Van Pelt, 25 , is singing "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow".  Okay, so there is a scene in "Spaceballs" where Lone Star (Bill Pullman) and Barf (John Candy) try to rescue Princess Vespa (Daphne Zuniga).  Before they open the door, however, they hear her inside singing "Nobody Knows the trouble I feel... nobody knows but Jesus..." in a very, very low voice.  Not quiet, but low in tone.  Barf turns to Lone Star and says, "She's a bass!"  That was the first thing that popped in my head when Erika Van Pelt starting singing... however... I like her.

She does sing a bit low, but sounds really good.  I can't decide if I think she's cute or way un-cute.  Its like a mild version of The McGriddle Effect.

She goes on to Hollywood!

Twenty minutes left in this show, and not a single rejection?  Whaaaa?

Oh, here we go... they show the faces and reactions of a few rejections, but mostly to highlight a sound-effect box that Creepy Uncle Steven has obtained.

Here comes Shane Bruce, 19, from West Virginia.  He's a coal miner.  That's miners, not minors.  And he's sporting no less than six earrings.  We see him entertaining the fellow miners with a version of "In the Still of the Night", and I know one of those guys is thinking "This is the pansiest thing I've ever heard.  Pick up a shovel, you wuss."

He's going to sing what he says is a song from "Shrek".  You know, "Shrek", that Hallelujah song that plays in there?  Of course, he speaks of the legendary Jeff Buckley tune "Hallelujah", featured in "Shrek", but also in a disturbing scene in "Watchmen" and has a ton of plays on my iPod, because its a feeeee-nominal song. Jason Castro also did an incredible, show stopping version of this some years ago.

 One of the best Idol performances ever.  Also, one of the most depressing songs ever.

Judging from Randy the Dawg's expression, Shane Bruce ain't cutting it.  J-Lo nervous bites a pen.  Creepy Uncle Steven stares blankly.  He takes the rejection well, though... they tell him to work on it, and come back and audition again.

And in a genuine awwww inducing moment, when he comes out, he looks on the verge of tears, and his mom hugs him and whispers, "You'll always be my Idol."  Wiping tears, he admits he didn't do as well as he wanted, but wanted to try again.  I hope this guy does come back.

Here's the montage of rejections, 53 minutes into the show.  Lots of tears, lots of  "I want this so bad", lots of "I will be back!".

Finally... the last segment of the night... BACKSTORY ALERT.

Hallie Day, 24, from Baltimore just got married six months ago.  She dropped out of high school at 13, moved to New York at 16, became an addict, and finally found her way home, even with no mom or dad around.  And after a suicide attempt with some pills, she hit rock bottom.  Finally, she met a dude who became her hubby, Ryan.

"He's loved me more than anyone else ever has," says Hallie.  That's a pretty good story--good job, Idol.  She has to be good, after all this.  She's singing "I Will Survive"... not my favorite voice of the night, but a darn sight better than some of the stuff they've sent to Hollywood already, so I'm sure she's headed there.

And she's on her way!

All in all, Pittsburgh sends 38 to Hollywood with the Golden Ticket pass.  Next week, on Sunday, its San Diego, California, following the San Fran-NYGiants game... and I'll be there, blogging, with The Lovely Steph Leann on the couch, blanket in hand!  And probably Campbell in the other, but still.

Savannah Idol Smiles

Its a revolution.  Its an American institution.  Its where Kelly Clarkson came from.  Its where Carrie Underwood got her break.  Its where Daughtry got famous.  After 10 years, another journey is beginning... new voices... new styles... new names... new nicknames... one will be crowd My Next American Idol... and one will be crowned the real American Idol.

"American Idol has been in my life since I was 6 years old!" says one chick... holy crap do I feel old.

Randy Jackson, Randy the Dawg returns.  Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler, Creepy Uncle Stevie is back.  And Jennifer Lopez, J-Lo, is here again.  (note:  that's the first and last time you'll see their full names used in this season of American Idol).

Well, here we are again... its January, and you know what that means?  Its 32 degrees Monday through Wednesday, and 73 through the weekend, right?  Its MLK holiday, right?  Its only five months to summer, and hence, five months to "The Avengers", right?!  

AND...

AMERICAN IDOL!!!

Creepy Uncle Stevie in the pimp suit... J-Lo is the only chick... Randy the Dawg is the black dude... and Seacrusty
brings up the right side with the form-fitting black tee

Let's head to Savannah, Georgia, a sleepy Southern town full of old houses, old people and old living... the sight of one of my all time favorite books, "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" by John Berendt.   Thousands of Idoloonies have come to the deep South to make their mark and go through the rigorous audition process to make it to see the judges.

Kicking it off, a youngster who says he's 17... his name is David, but is also called "Mr. Steal Your Girl". He actually hands a chick his cell phone and instructs her to put her number in it.  They show a video where he was 2nd in a musical contest with Scotty McCreery, who won... Deep Voiced Scotty won the whole shebang, of course.

Uncle Stevie looks like a pimp.

David Steal Your Girl throws down with a huuuuuge voice on an R&B classic.  Not bad, though he still looks like he's 12 years old.  Upon request from J-Lo, he sings some obscure Michael Jackson song--the first was better.  He's pretty good, and I feel like with a little work, he could be really good.

Gabby Carrubba is next, she's 16, and she's shaking from being so nervous.  She is a champion tap dancer, so that helps.  And she's excited to meet the dreamy Ryan Seacrest... I mean, who wouldn't be excited for Seacrusty?  I would.

Gabby is singing "Sunday Morning" by Maroon 5.  She hugs Nigel the Producer... she knows who the real power is in the room.  All three judges send her straight up to Hollywood.

Seacrusty then introduces a "Good Singer Montage", including our first Whitney Song of the Year--"I Wanna Dance with Somebody".  Several Yes votes send a number of chicks and dudes out with their yellow ticket... looks like we are on a hot streak in Savannah!

Twenty minutes in and no bad auditions... this is not boding well for Jessica Whitely, 19, is has a strange speaking voice... J-Lo jinxes Jess Whitely's whole audition by stating, "We've had a really good run this morning...".  Were I Jess, I would just leave.

And... its bad.  Its awful bad.  It sounds like a goofy voice I use sometimes when trying out voices for "Mr Frog and Mr Toad" stories that I'll read to Campbell soon.  Bad bad.

Blank stare from the judges, and she knows its over.  "Awful", Randy the Dawg deadpans.  She says, "I'll see you in Texas, then."  Which means she's headed to Texas to audition.  Yikes.

Now there's a montage of people trying to imitate Seacrusty... including one guy named Shawn who really played the part out well... dressed to the nines, hair styled like a boss, and a voice to match--he is shown saying all the catch phrases... "The votes are in!"... "Dim the lights!"... "Call or text 1 866 IDOL 001!"  Its quite funny, actually.

But he is auditioning, of course.  He's singing "Oh Girl" by the Chi-Lites... starts out loud and strong... falls apart halfway through... Randy the Dawg, J-Lo and Creepy Uncle Stevie all say no, complete with a background sound of "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter.

Shannon Magrane, 15, 6 foot tall and looking 22 (Creepy Uncle Stevie has a grin on his face) tells the judges she's the daughter of World Series pitcher Joe Magrane from the late 80s.  Her family comes in, Daddy Joe shakes hands with the judges, and Daddy Joe asks Creepy Uncle Stevie, "How are things in Beantown?", to which Creepy Uncle Stevie replies, "Hot and happening... just like your daughter."

Aaaaaand that's why I like to call him Creepy Uncle Stevie.

She sings some jazzy Etta James, which wins me over just about anytime.  I love it, perhaps my favorite audition of the night thusfar.  Three YESes and she's on her way!

And here comes the bad montage... a big chick ruins a Jessica Simpson song... yes, made it worse... and here's the first butchering of "Rolling in the Deep".

However, in comes Amy Brumfield, 24, hailing from Gatlinberg, TN.  She lives in a tent in the woods.  Literally, in a tent.  Granted, its a large tent, and they have a pretty good set up, but its a tent nonetheless.  A tent.  Her and her man.  Times are tough, but she says, "I'd rather be outdoors and happy than indoors and miserable."  She says her boo's mom dressed her up with the jewelry and dress and such.

"Superwoman" by Alicia Keys is the song, and I really want this chick to be good.  She sounds good enough to go to Hollywood... but I don't think she'll make it out of there with success.  The judges say Yes.

Is it just me or does Amy not seem like she really wants to leave that tent?  Its like she's in Occupy Sherwood Forest or something.

Joshua Chavis has a dream to sing the national anthem at a NASCAR race.  Guess we have to have goals.  And then he just said, "I'm going to leave my nerves out the door with my boyfriend..."  I rewound it just to make sure I heard that.  I did.  He gets gayer every word he says.

You know, its not that he's gay... its that he's obnoxious AND gay.  He says his voice is like that of Brad Paisley or Daughtry.  Somehow, I doubt it.  He's now slaughtering "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz.  He continues to become more and more gay.

Oy.  He's terrible.  And he gets no votes of confidence.  So what does he do?  He does the ol "I'll sing another song and that will impress them!" schtick... and Randy the Dawg is the only one who is really bold enough to say, "Dude, its bad."  But Joshua finds comfort in the arms of his boo.  His just-as-gay boo.

And the camera follows him as he cries on the phone, shoots the finger and throws a fit.

Fifteen year old Stephanie Renae is almost falling apart, being so nervous.  She watched Season 4... when she was 8 years old.  Excuse me while I replace the tennis balls on the bottom of my walker.

"Inside Your Heaven" by Carrie Underwood is her song... and its not bad.  Starts strong, struggles a bit but hits the big notes.  J-Lo tells her to correct the nasally part of her voice, but they tell her they like her voice.  Creepy Uncle Stevie says Yes... Randy the Dawg says Not Yet... but J-Lo says Yes, and Stephanie Renae freaks out.

Now, we get to see Skylar Dixon... sister of Colton Dixon... who both auditioned last year.  This year, only Skylar is doing it.  She's got great hair.  The judges force Skylar to go get Colton, which sucks, because he doesn't want to audition... which means that Skylar's chance at the spotlight solo is ruined.

She sings "Break Even" by The Script.  I love this chick's voice.  And now, they force Colton to sing, which he does.  Honestly, he doesn't sound all that great... he's really mumbly. If they judges give Colton a Golden Ticket and not Skylar, I'm going to... well, be mad.  But keep watching.

And the judges give both of them a Golden Ticket to Hollywood.  So, if Colton advances and Skylar gets cut early... wow, unnecessary drama.

Another montage, this time with tears!  Patsy Cline's "I Fall to Pieces" is a perfect tune to play while all these people whimper, yell and go home thinking they were better than anyone else.

BACKSTORY ALERT!!  Lauren Mink, 25, works with people with disabilities in a home.  I can't tell if I think Lauren is pretty or her face annoys me.  Is that bad?  What's not bad is her audition... its quite good.  Three YES votes and she is on her way!

SAVANNAH DAY TWO

All three judges get back in place for the second day of auditions, and first up, is a dude from South Africa singing "Rascal Flatts".   A black dude from South Africa... I feel like there is only about six of them in that country... is apartheid still going on?  I dunno.

From the lead up, and the "Rhinestone Cowboy" playing, I can tell this is going to be horrible.  Mawuena Kodojo is just that.  I don't even recognize this song...

By the way, The Lovely Steph Leann is not here... she's out of town with Campbell and her mommy, but I can just imagine her on the couch at this second... and I imagine that blanket slowly creeping up to cover the face, and her whispering, "Make it stop!"

Randy the Dawg send him out to find people to say he's a good singer--if a few people will say that, Randy will send him to Hollywood.  An old man asks him if he's a runner... ha!

Seacrusty finds an old grandpa and four small children to tell Randy the Dawg that Mawuena is good.  Randy the Dawg says, "Its still a no."  I was so afraid they were going to send him on, like they did with Dave the Jumper Guy some years back.

Oh no.

Oh no.

Sista with long braids.

Got sassy 'tude.

Big glasses.  I'm afraid this is going to be a train wreck.

Holy crap.

Colton (L) Dixon is forced to sing, and passes, much to the obvious
chagrin of his sister Skylar (Schylar?) (R).  Sista Braided Hair in the middle.

She's... well, she's not too bad.  She is doing this freaky "Joy Hop" dance she created.  She sang "Come Together", which wasn't perfect, but pretty good... and enough to get herself a Golden Ticket.

Oh, its time for some more bad singers.  Though we are only seeing the judges saying no, not hearing the actual auditions.  We see them come out of the door empty handed, usually into the arms of family and friends.

WT Thompson is about to sing now... he had to quit his job to audition for Idol.  This might be bad.  He's got a kid on the way... his wife is 6 and a half months pregnant.  Oh my.

I feel like he goes through, but gets cut Day One.  Creepy Uncle Stevie says no!  J-Lo likes him, says Yes... Randy the Dawg says what I already thought... "Dude, you are going to be eating alive in Hollywood."  However, he says Yes.

One hour and 41 minutes in, there isn't a soul that has blown me away just yet...

Montage of how all the women love Creepy Uncle Stevie, including kisses on the young girls lips, and the grandma's lips... and one equally creepy chick named Erica Nowak who says, "He is my future ex-husband."

Randy the Dawg says, "I think they should hug!" and Creepy Uncle Stevie hugs her... and Creepy Stalker Erica grabs his butt.  Seriously.  She's singing "Super Duper Love" by Joss Stone.  I really want her to be terrible, because I don't like her and never want to see her again.

She then hugs Randy the Dawg and touches his butt.  She gets no's across the board.  Thank the Maker.

NBA Dancer Brittney Kerr comes in, and Seacrusty reminds us that last year, Creepy Uncle Stevie and Randy the Dawg were loving the ladies.  She sings another Joss Stone song, well by the way, and the camera actually starts at her shoes and pans all the way up to her head, slowly.  Randy the Dawg says Yes, J-Lo says No, and Creepy Uncle Stevie says Yes, as we knew he would.

A quick glance at some we haven't seen til now, and another look at Young David Steal Your Chick.  Some dude named Neco killin on some Bruno Mars.  Another look at whatshername... I dont feel like scrolling back up to get her name.  None are that memorable.

Philip Phillips?  

Who names their kids that?  What moron parents... that's like me naming my son Juan or my daughter Anita.  No can do.

Phillip Phillips stole the show.  Kinda has a "John Mayer singing"
vibe about him.

Phillip Squared is our first Guitar Guy of the season.   He's going to do a bluesy almost country version of "Superstition".  Not bad, but a little screechy for my tastes.  He's like something that Taylor Hicks crapped out.

Phillip Squared gets the guitar and then starts playing, singing a country version of "Thriller".  I like this guy alot.  Alot alot.  He wins Savannah for me.  And he's headed to Hollywood!

42 singers get a Golden Ticket in Savannah, GA, while thousands more are told "pump it, nimrod."

Tomorrow night... Idol Auditions head to Pittsburgh, PA!  Backstory Alert from a guy in a mine!  People crying!  Unsuspected talent!  And, for one guy, this means alot to him.

FINALLY!  We find the guy for whom this contest means alot!  See you tomorrow.

The 2012 Golden Globe Running Diary

So here we are, with the Golden Globes once again... in keeping with tradition, I'll blog the show bit by bit... sometimes funny, sometimes boring, rarely funny, mostly boring, it will be a trip nonetheless.

Now, its 9p, and we are starting late.  I could go into detail about how we had a great dinner with Melanie and Family, or how when we got home I had to put sheets on the bed and we had to do this and that and the other... however, I'll just use five words that most of you will understand:

We've got a kid now.

That will explain everything.

So, let's get going... Ricky Gervais is hosting again--last year, he got acclaim and criticism for his harsh joking on the celebrities, and though yes, they are people too, its hard to feel too bad when they can dry their tears with their Benjamins and sob into their silk couch cushions.  Give me a cool few million and make fun of me, I'm game.

9:07p... Yes, you say "it was 9p, why are you starting the DVR'd show at 9:07?  We've got a kid now, that's why.

9:09p... Show has started.  Ricky Gervais is out onstage, and I can tell half the stars in the audience are holding their breath, wondering if they are on target.  And he's drinking right off the bat.  "So, where was I...?" he begins.

909p... "The Golden Globes are just like the Oscars except without all that esteem.  I'm Britain's #1 comedian on the 2nd biggest awards show on the America's 3rd biggest network.  Fourth?  Okay, 4th biggest network..."

909p... Ricky makes a man-parts joke, and the camera shows Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, who are unamused.  Then makes a dirty little joke about the film "The Beaver" and Jodie Foster.  You see where this is going.

914p... The opening monologue is short, and considerably--and I mean really, really--tamer that last year.  Johnny Depp comes out as the first presenter.   Ricky asks him, "Johnny... have you seen 'The Tourist' yet?"  He's got a point... its a bad, bad movie.

915p... "Hugo" is the first of the nominated Best Drama movies shown.  I'm completely on the fence about seeing it, though I've heard its great.

916p... Gerard Butler and Mila Kunis comes out... besides "300", I don't know that Gerard Butler has done anything worth watching.   Mila Kunis has actually done some great work, though, "The Book of Eli" and "Friends with Benefits" are great examples.

917p... Best Supporting Actor in a Film.  Right before we heard his name, I said aloud "Christopher Plummer gets this".  Plummer is nominated for "Beginners", a movie where an old man (Plummer) comes out of the closet after a long, hetero life.  He's a legendary actor, but I feel like this movie is this years "The Kids are Alright"... that is, this year's Gay Movie.  I expect Plummer to be on the fast track to the Best Supporting Actor Oscar.

920p... Chris Plummer is still talking.  No "get off the stage" music.  I have a feeling that he is on the short list of people that the producers say, "Don't you dare play him off stage..."

How awesome would it be for him to work in how much he hates "The Sound of Music"... because in many interviews, he says just that very thing.

921p... Ashton Kutcher and Elle McPherson come out, doing the award for best actress in a Comedy or Musical.  So far, we've got Enlightened, Parks and Rec, 30 Rock, The Big C and something else that I don't watch... Laura Dern gets it for Enlightened, an HBO show that I've never seen, but I'm sure is enjoyed by dozens of people every week.  Expect HBO to rack the heck up tonight.  Personally, I'd like to see Laura Linney get it, because I do like me some Laura Linney.

923p... "I like this dress she's got on.  Not the belt".  Thanks to The Lovely Steph Leann for the insight.

Julianne Moore is on my short list of people, along with Amy Adams,
DiCaprio, Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise that deserve an Oscar at some point.

924p... Something for each of us.  Rob Lowe, a member in good standing of The Colin Firth Club, while for me, Julianne Moore and her awesome red hair.  The prompter fails, and someone hands the banter script to Julianne Moore.

925p... The nominees for Best TV Movie or Mini-Series.  "Cinema Verte"... "Downton Abbey"... "The Hour"... "Mildred Pierce"... "Too Big to Fail"...  I've only seen the last of those films, and it was pretty good, but not a major masterpiece to me.  I kinda feel like "Too Big to Fail" was that movie "New Years Eve" except with a smarter cast.  The winner?  "Downton Abbey", some show on PBS about old school England, which can pretty much guarantee that I will NEVER watch the show.

927p... The producer from "Downton Abbey" is speaking, and he's saying that ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

928p... Rob and Julianne are back for Best Actress in TV Movie or Mini-Series.  Who will win this?  Kate Winslet for "Mildred Pierce".  That's my guess... and?  Kate Winslet.  Anytime my dear Kate wins an award, I'm all for it.  She deserves 293 Golden Globes and about 102 Oscars.  Perhaps one of the top five most talented actresses alive today.

930... Christopher Plummer gets as long as he wants to talk.  Apparently Kate Winslet hasn't gotten to that status yet... she is played off stage.  Frieda Pinto comes out to introduce "Midnight in Paris".  The only reason I haven't seen this movie is that Woody Allen directed it--and I am not a Woody Allen fan at all.

933p... Jeremy Irons escorts the Hollywood Foreign Press Prez Dr. Something Somethingsomething.  The HFP is the group that does these awards every year, but I couldn't tell you anything else about them.  The camera pans to Madonna, leading The Lovely Steph Leann to say, "Why is Madonna there?  What the heck?"

934p... Jake Gyllenhaal.  He's out to introduce "My Week With Marilyn", another nominated film in the Drama category.  Another one I haven't seen.

This picture doesn't do Paula Patton's dress justice, as here
its muted.  It looked like a highlighter machine threw up
all over her.

936p... Ricky Gervais comes out again, making a joke about his agent and God, sparking an uncomfortable chuckle in the room-here and there.  Melissa McCarthy and Paula Patton come out, and the TV is filled with Paula's bright yellow dress.  Best Actor TV Series Drama.  All five shows I don't watch.  And the winner?  Starz gets one!  Kelsey Grammar wins for "Boss"!  Take that HBO!!

937p... Wait... does the Hollywood Foreign Press know that Kelsey Grammer is not playing "Frasier" anymore?  Is this why he won?

939p... Now the nominees for Best TV Series Drama.  Another set of shows I don't watch, though I think "Homeland" will be something we pick up... And "Homeland" wins!  I'm going to stick that in our Netflix queue.

942p... Adam Levine ("The Voice" plug!!) and Jimmy Fallon come out now.  The award for Best Song and Best Score is up.  Levine and Fallon are doing a schtick, and the camera shows George Clooney, who isn't even cracking a slight smile.  Best Score is first.  All five movies I've never seen.  My guess is "The Artist" and... I'll be right.  The Lovely Steph Leann remarks, "I'm a little disappointed in all of those nominees..."

945p... The winner is a Frenchman, and he says in broken English, "I'm sorry... I'm French..." and then tries to make a joke in broken English.  Doesn't work.  Best Song award is next... Gnomeo and Juliet's song... Machine Gun Preacher's song... Albert Nobbs' song... The Help's song... W.E.'s song... which is from Madonna, which makes both of us go, "Ahh... thats why she's there."

947p... Madonna wins.  Leads to this exchange:

Her:  What is "W.E."?  I haven't heard of half these movies!  When did that happen!
Me: Uh... we have a kid now.
Her:  And her dress?  Its horrible.

950p... Who the heck is this chick?  Upon seeing this foreign chick's dress, The Lovely Steph Leann doesn't say a word... she just slightly gasps.

951p... Debra Messing AND My Girl McPhee?  Holy crap.  Best Actor in TV Movie or Mini-Series.  Winner?  Idris Elba in... "Luther"?  Is that the name of it?  I know this guy as the Gatekeeper guy in "Thor".

953p... Brad Pitt walks out.  Millions of women my age collapse in a tizzy.  He introduces "The Ides of March", which was a great movie.

Beckinsale's face is genuine--she had no idea Seth was going to say it

955p... Seth Rogan and Kate Beckinsale walk out together... and Seth deadpans, "I'm Seth Rogan and I'm currently trying to conceal a..."... well, he says he's turned on.  Kate is cracking up, so I'm not sure that line was planned.  Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy, winner is Michelle Williams.  She will now be the second-runner to Meryl Streep in the Best Actress Race.  A chick from Dawson's Creek takes home a Golden Globe.

955p... Seth Rogan's one inappropriate joke > Ricky Gervais' entire monologue thusfar.

958p... Piper Perabo and Sarah Michelle Geller come out for Best Supporting Actor in TV Series, Mini Series or TV Movie.  Winner?  Peter Dinklage for Game of Thrones, for which he also won the Emmy some months back.  That's awesome... Short People Rule!  Dinklage says, "My mom said to me 'Have you seen Mildred Pierce?  Its so good!  Guy Pierce is going to win!'"

1001p... Ricky comes back out, drink in hand, introducing George Clooney, who walks out with a cane.  He introduces "Moneyball", another fantastic movie... like "The Ides of March", I think its a movie that gets better the more I think about it, and I'm looking forward to seeing both of them again.

1003p... Channing Tatum and Jessica Alba come out--I'm not sure putting both of their talents together would equal the right fingers of Kate Winslet or Colin Firth.  But hey, Channing was awesome in "She's the Man", right?  Right.

1003p... Best Animated Film, and honestly, I don't think there was a whole lot of strong animated movies.  "Cars 2" is nominated, but without a strong Pixar movie to win, I don't know who takes it.  "Rango", maybe?  The winner?  "The Adventures of Tintin", a movie that could care less about seeing.

1004p... I would imagine this award means as much to Steven Spielberg as his Blockbuster Entertainment Awards.

1006p... Ewen McGregor comes on the stage, introducing a wonderful movie as a best comedy nominee, "50/50".  I think more people should see this movie.  Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Seth Rogan and Anna Kendrick are awesome, and this movie appears on the first post of The Coolest 100 Things of 2011.

1008p... Clive Owen and Nicole Kidman for Screenplay.  "Midnight in Paris"... "The Ides of March"... "The Artist"... "The Descendants"... "Moneyball".  And the Golden Globe goes to... Woody Allen for "Midnight in Paris", who isn't there.  Uncomfortable.

1009p... Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy, a real life couple, does a little song together that gets a huge applause.  Very cute.  Best Supporting Actress in a TV Series, Mini-Seires or TV Movie.  The winner is... Jessica Lange for "American Horror Story", a show I've never seen, but I've heard its scary and weird and awesome.

The Lovely Steph Leann:  Her dress is an American Horror Story on its own.

Another American Horror Story?  The fact that Jessica Lange also won a Golden Globe for the 70s version of "King Kong".  Wow, what a crappy film.

1013p... Back with Ricky, who introduces "The queen of pop... no, not you Elton John...  she's 'like a virgin", then coughs loudly.  Madonna comes out, saying "If I'm like a virgin, come over and do something about it--I haven't kissed a girl in a while."  There is laughter, but not much.  Foreign Film nominees.  The winner?  "A Separation" from Iran.  I wonder if they checked the cast and producers for bombs as they came in.   I also wonder if he publicly calls the US "The Great Satan", if Sean Penn would hop on stage and hug him.

1016p... Dustin Hoffman, Hollywood legend!  This is Best Actress TV Series Drama.  The Lovely Steph Leann and I both cheer when Callie Thorn is announced as a nominee for "Necessary Roughness"... what a great show.  Claire Danes wins for "Homeland"!  I like Claire Danes.  What a lovely lady.  

1022p... Emily Blunt comes out to introduce "Bridesmaids", one of my favorite films of 2011.  Absolutely hysterical.

1023p... Jane Lesbian Lynch and Tina Fey come on stage to do Best Actor TV Series Comedy or Musical.  Or as Jane says, "Music-Cal".  The winner is... Matt Le Blanc for "Episodes", as he plays a parody of himself. Four nominations, all for Friends, but no wins... good times.

Dr. Drake Remore gets a Golden Globe.  I love it.

1026p... People's "Sexiest Man Alive", Bradley Cooper is here to introduce the Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture.  Octavia Spencer will win this... and the winner is... Octavia Spencer.  She looks humble, but she had to know she was the front runner for this--and the Oscar now.  She gets a partial standing ovation from the crowd, and is stopped by like, 9 people on the way to the stage.

Me: This is going to be a speech about black women everywhere.
The Lovely Steph Leann:  Of course it is.

Yup.  Four seconds in, and we get a Martin Luther King reference.

For anyone who has seen that movie, would you be a little apprehensive if she served chocolate pie at her award party?

1030p... Reese Witherspoon.  Yeah!  Let me tell you, I'm guessing she won't be doing the Bend & Snap in that dress.

She introduces "The Descendants", a movie that I really, really want to see, mostly because I know its one of maybe two leads for Best Picture for the Academy Awards.  And with George Clooney at his table?  Stacy Kiebler, former WCW and WWE Diva.  Rock on!

1031p... Sidney Poitier comes out to award Morgan Freeman with the CC DeMille Award... Sidney is given a huge standing ovation.   I know I'm getting old because no longer are these lifetime awards given to the 50s and 60s stars like Deborah Kerr or Spencer Tracy or Burt Lancaster... no, we are watching actors that we've grown up with get LIFETIME Achievement Awards. Wow.

And Morgan Freeman is so deserving of this very thing.  What a phenomenal actor, and what an incredible narration voice.  Helen Mirren comes out and says, "I have had a few glasses of wine, so excuse me when I complain that Morgan Freeman has been in over 50 films and I've only been in one."

I wonder if they asked Morgan Freeman to narrate the Morgan Freeman
tribute.  I want him to narrate my funeral.  Can anyone help with that?

Among the many awesome movies Morgan Freeman has done, here is My Favorite Morgan Freeman Roles:

10) Lucius Fox in "Batman Begins" & "The Dark Knight"
9) Azeem in "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves"
8) Hoke Colburn in "Driving Miss Daisy"
7-tie) Jim in "Hard Rain"
7-tie) Joe Matheson in "Red"
6) God in "Bruce Almighty"
4) Ned Logan in "Unforgiven"
3) Det. William Somerset in "Se7en"
2) Rawlins in "Glory"
1) Red in "The Shawshank Redemption"

He truly is one of the Greatest American Actors Ever.  Hats off to you, Mr. Freeman.

The Lovely Steph Leann also points out that he does the voice of The Hall of Presidents--true.  And despite the presence of He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected, that makes it great.

1046p... Robert Downey Jr is here to introduce "The Artist", a movie I think I want to see, but I'm not sure.

1048p... Angelina Jolie comes out, and hardens my resolve that I not find her attractive, ever.  She looks ghastly.  Best Director... Ides of March... Midnight in Paris... The Descendants... Hugo... The Artist... and the winner is... Martin Scorcese for Hugo.  Very interesting...

The Lovely Steph Leann:  Angelina's arms are so teeny.  Like, the size of Campbell's arms.

1051p... Ricky again.  "I can't wait to introduce Salma Hayek and Antonio Banderas!  I think they are interesting, I'm not sure because I [NBC bleeps out what he says]".  Salma and Antonio come out, and the entire bit by them is silenced.  Even the nominees for Best TV Series Comedy or Musical is quiet.  The picture goes haywire... and Modern Family wins the award.  What the heck?

1054p... Michelle Pfieffer, a legendary Hollywood beauty, comes out to introduce "War Horse".  With no desire to see this film, I think I've realized I'm not a fan of horse movies.  I've never seen, nor do I care to see, "Secretariat", "Sea Biscuit", "Sand Biscuit Hidalgo", "Black Beauty" or any of those.  "Hot to Trot" was kinda funny, though.

I put Jessica Biel in the Angelina Jolie All Stars for me--that is,
those chicks who the world tells me that I'm supposed to be
all hot for, but I don't see the appeal.  Sorry.

1055p... Mark Wahlberg and Jessica Biel comes out, and The Lovely Steph Leann gives the line of the night... "Ugh!  That dress!  Its like she has a third boob!"  Its true.  Its like Jess Biel is a Sister Wife.

The winner for Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical goes to Jean Dejlua?idh for "The Artist".

1058p... Queen Latifah is introduced, and she's introducing "The Help" as a nominee for Best Movie.

1101p... Ricky is out again, introducing Colin Firth.  The Lovely Steph Leann swoons.  Ricky Gervais then makes fun of the fact that Colin Firth is talented, acclaimed and loved by all.  "But what you don't know is that he's very racist.  Here's the evil Colin Firth!"  Best Actress in a Drama Movie... the winner is... Meryl Streep of course.  That's my prediction, anyway... so, the actual winner is:  Meryl Streep.  We knew this.  She says, "I'm so glad that Ricky Gervais' deal fell through and they came to me to play Margaret Thatcher..."  I think she curses again, because the sound cuts out.  This is NBC, though.

1105p... Meryl is still talking.  She gets that "extra long speech time", though the music just kicked in.

1106p... Jane Fonda follows suit onto the stage, now is giving the award for Best Musical or Comedy.  50/50... The Artist... Bridesmaids... Midnight in Paris... My Week with Marilyn... and we know this.  The Artist picks up another win.   I dunno if a dog has anything to do with the movie, but there is a puppy onstage that some of the cast is playing with.

1110p... Ricky Gervais now brings out Natalie Portman, who won last year for Black Swan, a movie I haven't seen and am on the fence about.  Best Actor Movie Drama.  George Clooney... Leo DiCaprio... Michael Fassbender... Brad Pitt... Ryan Gosling... the Golden Globe goes to... George Clooney for "The Descendants".   Another predictable winner tonight.

1114p... This must be the final award of the night, because it brings out cranky Harrison Ford, and they are rushing through this list of Best Drama Movie... and the winner is... "The Descendants".  Right here, right now, I call it--a two film race for Best Picture at the Academy Awards between this and The Artist, with The Descendants getting it.

And that is your 2012 Golden Globes!  I know, I know, its a day late, its hurried, and I'm sure I missed some stuff... but hey...

We've got a kid now.

Shaking Finebaum's Hand

Its 342p on a Thursday when I type this.  My story takes us way back, back about three hours to about 1245p today.  The day that I met Paul Finebaum. 

Now, to say I'm a full fledged Finebaum fan is a bit of a stretch.  I enjoy his show, and because many days I get off around 2pm in the afternoon from my job, I listen in the car.  Sometimes I don't go straight home, making errand runs to the library or Target or Wal-Mart or wherever else I need to go before coming home... and in those times, I will flip the SiriusXM over to 94.5 Jox Sports Radio.

And let me tell ya, after a big win or a big loss for any of the state's big college teams, like Auburn, or ESPECIALLY Alabama, The Paul Finebaum Show might be the most entertaining time anywhere.  Because those fans that most people would prefer to remain hidden, even if they are rooting for the same team, come out of the woodwork to either complain about the officiating which caused the loss, about the sore loserdom of the other team, especially if its Auburn, or to congratulate their own team, coupled with bad officiating that almost cost them the game, plus the sore loserdom of the other team.

Many of these callers are people who call just about every day--heck, I can't even find time to blog more than two or three times per week, and some of the fans sit on hold for what must be an hour or more two, three, five times a week just to get on the air and share sometimes what amounts to 40 seconds with Finebaum.  And sometimes they call just to answer, even challenge, each other.  Occasionally, it gets personal. 

So, I'm in the store, standing behind a big espresso machine, making some mocha, steaming some milk, pulling some perfectly timed shots, and a spindly, short guy with glasses and a smooth dome came in.  He stood in line behind two women who were taking their time ordering, yet he seemed to be fine with the wait.

That looks like... wow... is that... ?

I had on a headset, so I pressed the button to talk to my fellow baristas, Melanie and Scotty2Hottie.  I whispered, "Is that Paul Finebaum?"

Melanie came back and said, "Whaaaa?" in a way that wasn't "Finebaum? What?!" but more of a "what did you say?"

I whispered a little louder, a little slower, a little more articulate, "Is... that... Paul... Finebaum?"

Melanie:  Whaaa?

So, here's how I felt...

Here's Chandler Bing.  Trapped in an ATM Vestibule.  With Jill Goodacre.

You know that episode of Friends, the one that came on in November of 1994, the one called "The One with the Blackout"?   Chandler Bing is in an ATM vestibule (is it a vestibule? maybe its an atrium?  Well, Jill says "vestibule", we go with "vestibule") when then-supermodel Jill Goodacre (who then, and now, is Mrs. Harry Connick Jr) comes in.  A blackout happens, trapping them both, as the automatic doors are locked.  Surprised by his good fortune, he calls Monica, but not wanting to alert Jill Goodacre that he's talking about her, he says in a voice that can only be duplicated if you clinch your teeth together, talk low and do your best to not move your lips while saying the follwing line:

I'm trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre

Monica replies, "What?"

Chandler sighs and says, "I'm trapped... in... an ATM vestibule... with Jill Goodacre.."

Monica replies, "Chandler, I have no idea what you are saying?!"

Chandler shouts, "Oh, put Joey on the phone!"

Joey gets on the phone, says, "Whats up buddy?" and when Chandler says, "I'm trapped... in an ATM vestibule... with Jill Goodacre!" Joey says to Ross, Rachel, Monica and Phoebe, "Chandler's trapped in an ATM vestibule with JILL GOODACRE?!?" 

Yeah, that was me today. 

Is that Paul Finebaum?

What?  Whaaa?


Is that Paul Finebaum?

Finally, Melanie says, "Yeah!  That's Paul Finebaum!  He comes in here alot in the midday."

Wait... what?  Paul Finebaum frequents the store I spend 45 hours in per week, and this is the first time I've seen him?  How did I miss this?!

Anyway, the visit was brief... he bought a grande cup of Pike Place, though I did manage to go over and shake his hand, introduce myself and tell him I enjoyed catching the show, especially days after big games for Alabama.  He laughed and said, "You shoulda heard Tuesday's show", and I replied, "Oh, I did... thats why I said that." 

He chatted for what was less than 45 seconds or so, I noticed it was close to 1, and I assumed he was headed to the station to get ready for his show.  Sad, though, because there is one question about the Bama nation I wanted to ask him.

This is a question I've posed to several Bama fans and have gotten varied answers from "you might be onto something" to "there's no way...", but if I have three minutes to talk to Finebaum, here's what I want to ask him:

We know that Roger Staubach, Bart Starr and Terry Bradshaw were fantastic quarterbacks.  We know this from stories, from anecdotes, from marred highlight reels and scratchy video, from stories told by commentators that we know and trust.  We cannot know their greatness from watching them play, because either they played before some of us were even born, or at least before we were old enough to be congnizant of what a good QB looks like.

Conversely, we know that Tom Brady, Drew Brees and Aaron Rodgers are fantastic quarterbacks.  We know this not only from those stories, from those anecdotes, from HD highlights run 40 times each on SportsCenter, but also from watching them play.  We know their greatness, because we've seen it with our own eyes.

Now, take Bear Bryant.  My generation knows nothing of The Bear except for what we've been told.  We read the books, we see the movies, we hear the stories told by those who were there, or by those who knew someone who was probably there.  We trust these sources, but we cannot really speak to our own witness, as we were too young, or maybe not alive.

Finally, here is Nick Saban.  Two championships in three years, fielding teams that are arguably some of the most dominant ever (did you see what they did to LSU's supposed juggernaut?).  He does not have a team that lucks out with one great player leading them to a title, a la Auburn, he has built a team that frankly, as a fan of The Go Gators, worries me a bit, because as Alabama and Florida meet in the next five straight SEC Championship games, Alabama will probably win 3. 

We don't just hear of his greatness, the evidence is there.  Like him, love him, hate him, he's got skillz. 

So, my question for Finebaum, and for you, Bama Nation, is this:  How many titles does Saban have to bring home to Tuscaloosa before the next generation looks at and reveres Saban based solely on what they have heard about him like this generation looks at and reveres Bear Bryant?  And, do you think this generation already looks at Saban as a Bear Bryant equal, even if they don't want to admit it, lest they be committing blasphemy?

Deep discussion and hard hitting questions is why you read Clouds in My Coffee... well that, and the uncanny ability to link Finebaum, Saban and Chandler Bing in the same post.  I rule.

Things I Think I Think

Here are my thoughts while putting up ornaments and listening to "The Social Network" on Starz West, playing in the background...

Okay, well, "The Social Network" was about nine hours ago... now I'm watching "Cedar Rapids", with a B-List cast of Ed Helms, John C. Reilly, Anne Heche and Milton from Office Space.

Honestly, I really thought this movie would be funny... it was billed as an independent comedy, with Ed Helms playing a naive, nerdy insurance agent being sent to Cedar Rapids, Iowa, for a conference, where he meets other agents, some good and bad, who influence him in good and bad ways... the movie has been on for about 50 minutes, and I honestly haven't laughed one single time.  Ed Helms is so dorky in this movie its almost unbearable, John C. Reilly, normally someone who delivers, is way over the top as the crude, raunchy Dean Z, and Anne Heche is the only likable person in this entire movie.  And though I have nothing against Anne Heche, when Anne Heche is the only likable person in your movie, its not a good time.  Bad times.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Wanna make a billion dollars?  Invest in a McDonald's or Chick-fila franchise.  Then make breakfast available all day.  Or even until 1032am, because that seems to be the time I arrive there wanting my McGriddle combo, or a 4 count chicken mini pack... I've even heard a chick at Chick-fila tell a customer who asked about breakfast--at 1032 no less--"We cut it off right at 1030".   Seriously?  Can you not just sell me the biscuit you are about to throw out like, right now?

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

So now its 2012.  According to the Mayan calendar, or at least what everyone tells me the Mayan calendar says, the world will end in December.  Right now its not so bad... but come October, the amount of times you'll hear something about "the end of the world" and/or Mayan calendar is going to be close to 1,397 times per day.

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Saw a Facebook picture that said this, and its glorious:

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Okay, enough with the rich people suck deal.  When EVERYONE who should be paying taxes is paying taxes, then we can discuss whether the "rich" should pay more than they are paying right now.  So get the other 49% of non-taxpayers on board doing their fair share, and we'll talk.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Once socks come off my feet, they are done.  I can wear a pair for a 9 hours shift at Starbucks, have them spotted, maybe even wet with everything from mocha splatter to mop water, and when I get home, just change from my black work sneaks to my regular sneaks, same socks.  But when I take them off, I cannot put them back on.  However, if I toss on a pair of socks just to give me a padding between my bare feet and shoes just for the 10 minute trip to CVS and back, when they are off the feet... they are done.  I don't put on a pair of socks that I have worn previously, since the last wash.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

First world problem. My earbuds broke.  I don't use the iPod earbuds that came standard, I choose to use a pair of Sonys that I got hooked on some years back.  They just fit.  However, a quick dinner at Milo's proved to be fatal... with a fumble of the hands, my earbuds slipped, crashed onto the hard tile floor, and the left one came apart.  I managed to put it back together, but now the sound difference in the left and right is unbearable.  Went to Wal-Mart tonight, almost settled for a pair of JVCs as they were out of the Sonys, but I will hold strong.  Target is in my immediate future, at least tomorrow.  First world problem indeed.

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That awkward moment when standing in a Wal-Mart check-out line, your thirsty, you grab a drink from the nearby cooler, and before you even get to the cashier, you realize its not Mello Yello.... its, in fact, Mello Yello Zero.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

That new fad of describing awkward situations by using a sentence that doesn't have a subject, and only begins with the predicate, making it more of a clause than a sentence.

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I have yet to hear a Nicki Minaj song.  And I'm quite fine with that.

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I also had yet to hear "Friday" by Rebecca Black until about two hours ago, listening to The Adam Carolla Podcast, it was playing in the background as a humorous addition to a humorous bit.  So now I've heard at least part of "Friday".  Yup, its that bad.

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So have you seen the Alumi-Wallet?  Its simply a hard shell wallet, made of supposed aluminum, and supposedly indestructible.  I'm here to tell you--its a piece of crap.  Retailing for about $10, it does in fact have that hard shell, almost looking like a teeny tiny metal briefcase, you know, those ones that drug dealers put $1,000,000 in cash inside of before passing it off to the undercover agent who is wearing a wire... got me?  Good.  Anyway, you open it up with this little plastic clasp, and its like an accordion file, with maybe 10 pockets.  Each can hold a card or two, maybe a bill or two, but you dare not put too many cards (or too many bills, which is not a problem I have) in at one time--it wont close.

Plus, knock it over while its open and everything falls out... there's nothing to secure the wallets contents.  And the worst part is, the commercials show a car rolling over it and everything inside staying safe... well, I didn't roll Red Robin over it.  But I did drop it once, the clasp broke and now it won't close.   I don't recall my old wallet, a cheap leather job, failing to close or be secure when dropped.  Not a fan.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

And finally... when I take down this Christmas tree in our house, I find myself thinking over and over that this tree is more trouble than its worth, and that I don't ever want to put it up again... does anyone else feel this way?  Anyone?  Just me?  Okay.

Ethan Hunt Runs Funny, and Alot (aka, MI4)

When I'd heard that they were doing a 4th MI movie, I was a little worried.  The first film, simply titled "Mission: Impossible", was awesome.  The scene where Jean Reno's character is lowering a harnessed Ethan Hunt into a secure room to get the secret files (aren't they always secret files?  and they used to be on a floppy disk!) is one of the most intense, enjoyable, well executed scenes in action moviedom.



The second film wasn't all that great for me, while JJ Abrams' take on the series, MI3, was passable, if not pretty good.

"Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol" surpasses the 3rd film, far surpasses the 2nd film, and in some ways, beats the first one.  I daresay that MI4GP might be the best of the entire series, and I don't say that lightly, because again, I really enjoyed the first one.

I like Tom Cruise.  He features prominently in not one, not two, but three of my 100 favorite films... "A Few Good Men" (25th)... "Minority Report" (36th)... and "Jerry Maguire" (87th)... and on The Dave250 list, he's got a few more, like "Collateral" (102nd, though upon further examination, this might end up in The Dave100)... "The Firm" (152nd)... and of course, the original "Mission Impossible", listed as my 246th favorite film of all time.

Of course, I do love Fun Tom Cruise, like I discussed in my review of "Knight and Day", and I think in MI4, action Tom Cruise merges with Fun Tom Cruise, making Ethan Hunt's return much welcome.

Ethan leads off with his team, this time with tech nerd Benji (an impish Simon Pegg, picking up where his young Scotty in "Star Trek" left off), Jane (Paula Patton who I'll get to in a minute) and agent turned desk jockey turned agent Brandt (Jeremy Renner) who, as they always do, has something to hide, something that's revealed later in the film...

The Kremlin is all blowed up and the IMF team is blamed, then "disavowed" from the US government.  Essentially, they have no back up, no support, no help, and are now on the run from those wanting to arrest them and bring them in.  As they try to clear their name, they travel the Middle East from Moscow to Dubai, getting involved with nuclear codes and Russki bad guys--and I'm so happy that we have Russians as the bad guys again, like in every 80s action movie ever, and like those movies, the Russkies have nuclear codes!

There is a vicious sandstorm to deal with, Ethan Hunt runs alot, great fight sequences, and an incredible scene where Ethan is using power-adhesive gloves to stick to the outside of a window near the top of one of the tallest buildings in the entire world.

Hey MI5 filmmakers... we need Luther in a prominent role

My two faults with the movie are simply this... I think Paula Patton is a good actress, as noted in my review of "Just Wright" and "Jumping the Broom", but my problem--and this is me, not her acting--is that I've seen her in a few movies playing the spoiled princessy brat chick.  Its hard watching her make a transition to action star.  Every time she talks to a member of the IMF team, I pictured her cozying up to Common.

Secondly, where the heck is Ving Rhames?  His character of Luther was a mainstay in this franchise!  I'm not going to spoil it for you and say he is or is not in the film, but we should have lots of Luther.

Overall, this is a great movie, and more importantly for a movie like this, its a FUN movie.  One of my favorite ten films of 2011.  Loved it.

Jumping the Broom

One problem I faced while working at The Happiest Place in the Mall all those years ago (its been almost two years?  wow...) was defending the honor of Pixar... many times someone would come in asking for a piece of crap like "Valiant" or "Doogal" or "Happily N'Ever" after, and when I tell them that first of all, those movies suck, secondly, they are idiots for wanting those movies because their kids would never, ever want those movies (unless they are in a coma...) and third, those aren't Disney movies anyway, someone would invariably go "Oh, that's not a Pixar movie?  I thought it was."  After I punched them in the throat and begged them not to cast a ballot in the next presidential elections, I explained that no, those aren't Pixar.

No ma'am, "Doogal" is not Pixar.  Please get out of my store.  Don't ever
come back.  

Sidebar--"Valiant" is not a Disney film, per se--it was produced by British movie company Vanguard--it was released in the US by Walt Disney Pictures.  Full disclosure and all.

It is this same "guilty by only slightly similiar" mentality that I think plagued black filmmakers when doing comedies or black family movies.  Its quite possible that if I worked for the BET store in the mall, any and all black films that we sold would be immediately thought of as Tyler Perry movies, no matter what.  I personally have never seen a Tyler Perry movie, but only because I just never got to it.  I always thought "I Can Do Bad All By Myself" looked like an interesting story, but never enough to make me seek it out. 

And Tyler Perry has two camps... people who like 'em and people who don't.  Unfortunately for movies like "Jumping the Broom", I think people will avoid this because they think Medea is going to pop up somewhere out of a wedding cake... and thats sad, really, because this film is actually quite charming.

"Jumping the Broom" tells the story of a brotha', Jason (Laz Alonzo), who comes from a poorer side of town, and his fiance, Sabrina (Paula Patton), who comes from a well to do family that seemingly has a whole lotta money.  The movie takes place over the course of the weekend of their wedding, and not only shows the struggle of Jason and Sabrina, but also their mothers, Mrs. Taylor (Loretta Devine) and Mrs. Watson (Angela Bassett).  

Its a family movie, with TD Jakes playing a small role as the reverend, and even shows Sabrina doing her best to wait until marriage for she and Jason to consummate.  Kinda refreshing, actually.  Matter of fact, the names of God and Jesus are used frequently, and... okay, get ready for this... some of the characters... PRAY.  

Like, not silly, stupid, mocking prayers... but actually, talking to God, asking for help, giving praise kind of prayers.  

The ensemble cast also includes Julie Bowen (the token white girl, as a wedding coordinator in over her head), Gary Dourdan as Chef (its nice to see Warrick Brown getting some work after his untimely death on CSI), Romeo as a young Romeo no longer "Lil", and Mike Epps, as Uncle Willie Earl in a surprising role--he plays the wise, sage uncle.  The Lovely Steph Leann even said, "I expected Mike Epps to be the thug, but he's actually kinda cool in this..."

Paula Patton

The story is light and fun, it moves along quickly and has several great laughing moments, though I will say what Mrs. Taylor does towards the end of the movie isn't met with enough consequences--her actions are horrible, and I'd like to think in the real world, she would get flat out shunned from the wedding.  Just sayin'.

Anyway, the title itself comes from an old wedding ceremony custom where a new bride and groom literally jump over a broom-type article laid at the alter to officialize their union.

By the way, Paula Patton?  A great romantic comedy lead.  She was perfectly bratty in "Just Wright" and here, she's a great almost-bratty bride.  However, I'm really struggling with her as an action star in "Mission: Impossible: Ghost Protocol".

But we'll get to that review in a few posts.

Anyway, check out "Jumping the Broom", its worth the 90 minutes.

An Amanda Seyfried Double Feature

I really, really wanted to like this movie.  Justin Timberlake is turning into a fine actor, while I really am beginning to dig Amanda Seyfried, and this movie's premise seemed pretty cool.

In the not so distant future, there is no money used for the procuring goods--its time.  Notably, minutes and seconds, sometimes hours and days.  A car will cost you a few months.  When you are born, you are given unlimited time until age 25, then you are given one year.  If you are of great wealth, you have lots and lots of time.  If you are poor, then you have little.  Once your time runs out, you have nothing.  And then you die.  And the time is kept in some sort of digital countdown clock embedded on your arm.

JT plays Will, who, like many people in his poor side neighborhood, lives day to day, sometimes getting only enough hours to last until the next day.  He runs into a dude who has nothing left to live for, and manages to give JT a few hundred years to work with before he offs himself.  The police think that JT murdered the guy, and the chase is on.

Will ends up in the rich district, where he meets up with Amanda Seyfried's Sylvia, and up until now, its an imaginative movie with great effects, great story and really solid premise.  And somewhere around the halfway point, it just turns into a getaway-chase film, where Will and Sylvia try to avoid the task squad set up to find them, led by Cillian Murphy's detective Raymond Leon.

The cast is good, and again, I do like Timberlake, and he gives a good performance as Will.  Seyfried's Amanda is just quirky enough to be really cute, and Murphy's Detective Leon makes a great adversary for our main characters.

Don't avoid Amanda Seyfried.  Just avoid this movie.  Or
both of them.

The movie just mires itself down in becoming something it shouldn't, going from a creative movie to a standard, predictable romantic action movie.  Too bad.

And speaking of Amanda Seyfried... "Red Riding Hood"?  Bad movie.  Just a crappy film all around.  The premise was good, a dark retelling of the legend of the Big Bad Wolf and Red Riding Hood, but unlike "In Time", it doesn't even start good.  I don't even want to tell you how this movie unfolds, mostly because its late and I don't want to rehash it.  Just avoid it.

Battle Los Angeles

This is the second of what I called the Calm Campbell Double Feature. While The Lovely Steph Leann got some much sleep, I took Campbell and held him while he slept. And while he was sleeping, I was watching movies. The first was "Rubber", the second was this glorified war movie that replaced Russkies or Germans with alien beings, that being "Battle Los Angeles".

It tells the story of Sgt. Michael Nantz (a growly, grizzly Aaron Eckhart) who has a past (they always have something that went wrong) and has submitted his retirement, yet is pulled back in when a large legion of aliens storm Earth's atmosphere, ID4 style.

Nantz finds himself helping a platoon of soldiers, led by a guy fresh out of boot camp, as they weave their way through Los Angeles in a desperate attempt to find a weakness to the oncoming swarth of sentient beings.  There are lots of explosions, several deaths of characters you've been introduced to, and we meet the token citizens that the troops are expected to rescue.

Michelle Bridget Moynahan (sorry, I can't keep up with the Moynahans) pops up as a vet (of animals, not of wars) and Michelle Rodriguez does her usual tough chick schtick, this time as a special ops soldier who has a plan to get rid of the enemy.

Of course, we find out the secret that Nantz is hiding, and how one of the soldiers in the squad resents Nantz for that mistake long ago, which is a misunderstanding, of course.

Anyway, the movie is just eh. Its a war film with aliens, really, and nothing more.  The story is predictable, the characters are mostly uninteresting and the whole movie is drab and grainy.  The battle scenes, however, are glorious and the effects are spectacular, and I like how they portray the aliens as simply an invading force to be defeated.

If you want to see alien battles, though, skip this and go straight to Independence Day.  Its funnier, its more lively and Will Smith is a far better lead than Aaron Eckhart, at least in this type film.

However, R&B superstar Ne-Yo does play a decent role in this movie, so if you love you some Ne-Yo like I know you do, then by all means, partake.