The American Idol Top 12

Welcome to yet another week of The Idol… the American Idol. And as weeks before, I’ll take you through each performance as I watch it, then the results. Now, its actually Thursday night at 10:52, and because our email has been spotty over the last week (a whole other conversation), coupled with the fact Stephanie and I were at a missions meeting tonight, I haven’t a clue as to who is gone—and I can’t log on to find out. So, we’ll be finding out right here, right now as we go.

My VCR is kind of sketch, too… or maybe it’s the tape. Its not playing very well, every few seconds the video is fuzzing out, even though the audio is fine. I hope its going to be okay with My Girl McPhee and Pickles. Maybe its because I recorded it on Lengthened Play to get in the Amazing Race two hour season premiere. Darn it.

First up is Paris Bennett. I don’t want to like Paris. I don’t want to like Paris. I don’t want to like Paris. And she’s singing “Conga”. I love Gloria Estefan. I don’t want to like Paris. I don’t want to like Paris.

Lisa Turtle is singing a song that I can’t remember who sings it, or what its called. All I know that the fuzz is killing me. Alright, she sounds okay. Fast forward. Paula, Randy and Simon all agree that Lisa should pick songs that fit her for being 16, not that sound as if her mum was choosing them.

I was going to fast forward straight through Melissa McGhee, because, whatever, but she did “What About Love?” from Heart. Not too bad, really. She looked like Ann Wilson’s body double from 1987, minus about 150 pounds. Randy and Paula loved it… Simon hated it, guaranteeing a plane ticket home for that. I would kind of agree with Simon.

Ryan just interviewed My Girl McPhee about the rumors that not only was she quitting the show, but that she was quitting because she was pregnant. WHAT? My Girl McPhee? What?? Ryan then said “Is there something we need to know about you and Chicken Little?” What? Chicken Little? I will now go swallow battery acid.

I just fast forwarded through Kinnick Sky. Who gives a rip?

My Girl McPhee took the stage. She does her rendition of “Think” by Aretha Franklin. The judges love it. How does she look? Let me just say that I will now go look re-read my copy of “Every Man’s Battle” and remind myself of my covenant with my eyes. Whew.

In the category of “Idol Artists I Would Buy an Album From”. In the previous four seasons, that would only include Kelly Clarkson.

This year? Taylor Hicks, Chris Daughtry, Pickles and now, after this performance, My Girl McPhee.

Yes, yes. I have contracted a case of the McPheever.

So, Ayla Brown. I can’t figure this chick out. She’s like… The Contestant Most Unlikely To Be Here. And Unlikely Ayla just came out and did a bang up job on Natasha Beddingfield’s “Unwritten” (not so sure she didn’t better the original). Randy and Simon both liked it, but want to hear more, and Paula is a flake.

MANDISA!!! MANDISA!!! She just came out and NAILED IT with “I’m Every Woman”. I mean, NAILED IT. She’s just hella good, man, hella good. Simon said it’s the only one he’d rewind and watch again (though I’m fighting the temptation to watch My Girl McPhee again, I’d have to agree). Brilliant. The other girls must hate her flippin’ guts.
And finally, there’s Pickles. I love me some Pickles. And tonight, I definitely love me some Pickles. She comes out singing “I’m The Only One” by Melissa Ethridge, a song that Steph just loves (I prefer “Come to My Window” a thousand times over, if we're talking Melissa Ethridge) and to me, she did better than the original. And she looked good doing it. And the judges love her, and Simon even called her a Minx, to which Pickles said “A mink?”. Classic. He then said, “I think I might prefer you to last year’s winner.” Carrie Underwood, as cute and talented as she is, has a CD out. I don’t own it. I would go out tomorrow and buy a Kellie Pickler album. Totally.

See, that’s the problem with Kinnik, Melissa, perhaps at this point Lisa Turtle and maybe even Paris… no one remembers them beyond a performance. Ayla is on the edge. Right now you’ve got Cutesy Fun (Pickles)… Sexy Hot (My Girl McPhee)… and Hella Good (Mandisa). Everything else is just somewhere there.

Now for the dudes.

And here comes Gedeon, singing Percy Sledge. I should only have to say “Percy Sledge” for you to know what he’s singing. I liked last week’s “Shout” better.

Just like Pickles, I would go out and buy a Chris Daughtry album. He’s doing a Seether song, and again, sounding good. I would agree with Simon though… it was a softer song, could be counted boring. Again, last week’s Fuel song was ROCKIN. This week… pretty good.

Chicken Little just admitted he loves Kanye West’s music, and it inspires him. He’s now officially a dork. I don’t know what he’s singing, but he sucks at it. Let’s be honest. Paula says “You make people say attention.” Yeah… a car wreck on 65 makes me pay attention. A kick in the groin makes me pay attention. Chicken Little makes me pay attention, as in “What the crap? Where’s the remote??”

Bucky. Bucky. The Welfare Bo Bice doesn’t have a bad voice… he’s just so weird trailer-trashish looking. He even has a twin. Paula says he’s “unpretentious”. Bucky.

Just saw a commercial for The O.C.’s final ten episodes. Somewhere, Michael Nipp is wetting his pants in glee.

Okay, so I’ve been calling him Jon Peter Lewis, Version 2.0 (JPLV2.0 for short), but Will Makar actually has a name. And Will is singing “How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You”. I didn’t like it. Randy didn’t like it. Paula, of course, loved it. And, rightly so, Simon hated it. JPLV2.0 will probably go home.

One thing I love about Taylor Hicks is that he’s just goofy. In a great way. He could have easily hung at The Deuce. He’s just so much fun to watch sing. And he’s singing another White Guy Soul Song, the Michael McDonald classic “Takin’ It to the Streets”, and I think he nailed it. And his White Guy Dancing is absolutely CLASSIC. I don’t know whether to applaud or laugh my head off. Maybe both. Paula did too, apparently. Randy liked it… and for the first time, I think, Simon liked Taylor. T-Hicks rocked it.

And now here’s Elliott Yahmean. I think he has a second set of teeth behind his bottom row. “Heaven” by Bryan Adams. Not even close. How do Randy and Paula love this guy?

And here come’s Steph’s Man Ace, with the Ace Hair. Yes, she is an Ace Highroller. I don’t know what he’s singing, but he’s singing it really high pitched and weird. Complete with beanie and all. I can see why she loves this guy, same reason I love Pickles and My Girl McPhee. Good eye candy with talent.

And now, we pop in the Idol Results… remember, I don’t know who got kicked off, but I’m guessing its Kinnik, Melissa, Bucky and JPLV2.0.

Just like last season, Ryan Seacrest points to 12 empty seats—seats that will be filled with this year’s American Idol Top 12. Up until now, they’ve been knocking off 2 guys and 2 girls per week, from 24 total to 16 left—they’ll drop 2 guys and 2 girls tonight, leaving 12, which will then compete against one another, losing one per week until My Girl McPhee… I mean, um, a winner is crowned.

Bo Bice (the real one, not the Welfare Bo, Bucky. Bucky.) is singing. You know, I’m not that captivated with Bo… if he were from Topeka and not The Ham, I’d probably not be that interested. I’m fast forwarding.

And the girls are first. The chick with the lowest number of votes will be called out first. Lisa Turtle is safe for now. Melissa is also safe (for now). Ayla is also safe. And here goes Kinnik… dropped like a bad habit. I told you. And she’ll be singing whatever she sang on Tuesday—I don’t know, because I fast forwarded then… just like now.

Now here are the guys… the lowest number of votes. Chicken Little is safe. Gedeon is next… and is safe. And here’s Bucky. Bucky. He’s safe (again, for now). Elliott Yahmean is safe. And JPLV2.0 is gone. TOLD YA!!! But of course, this means that we’ll either have Elliott Yahmean or Bucky… Bucky… in the Top 12. Go figure.

Let’s go back to the Chicks… One more goes home, the rest goes to the Top 12. Paris is now in the Top 12, taking her seat in the Row of Silver Chairs. When asked if it felt good, she said “Oh, it do!” I don’t want to like Paris. I really don’t.

My Girl McPhee is up… and of course she’s in the Top 12. Looking hot as ever. Right after that, is Pickles. And she’s in the Top 12. Which means I don’t have to go pimpslap America for not voting. And of course, she hugs My Girl McPhee, her roommate, leaving Paris to try that side, “third wheel” hug. Awkward.

Mandisa can give her a hugh, though, as she busts up in the Top 12. Lisa Turtle is next, with two spots left. And she’s in. Leaving Unlikely Ayla and Melissa Whatshername. Oh, like you know it.

It cracks me up that all the other stations will preempt their programming (like ABC with James Spann) to deal with tonight’s crazy weather… but Fox dare not interrupt their cash cow. They keep doing teasers, saying “tonight at 9!”.

Back to Unlikely Ayla and Melissa. And Ayla gets cut. TRAVESTY!!!! Melissa McGhee is destined for a Amy Adams/Vanessa Olivarez fate—as in, one of the first ones out that no one will remember. And Ayla is about to cry onstage… and its making me sad. I really was beginning to like this chick! She’s like my friend Michelle Carr… so tall and thin, really talented and passionate and really, really pretty. I feel sad.
Stephanie always wonders how in the world they can sing when they are so emotional, and that its just wrong to make them do so. And Ayla’s voice is cracking, and she’s forcing smiles when she’s singing. I feel sad.

Okay, not so sad that I didn’t fast forward it.

The guys… Taylor Hicks is up… and in the Top 12. Steph’s man Ace with the Ace Hair (Steph being an Ace Highroller and all) is also in the Top 12. And of course Chris Daughtry is in it.

And unfortunately, Chicken Little is in. Sigh. There’s always one. Dork.

Elliott Yahmean is in the Top 12 (I guessed it when you saw where they were sitting, and how Ryan was doing the order). Leaving Bucky… Bucky… and Gedeon. I’m really hoping Gedeon goes through. And Bucky… Bucky… BUCKY makes it. How the? What the? And how did Crash win Best Picture?

And next week is the music of Stevie Wonder.

I call it right here, right now. Your American Idol Top Six: Taylor, My Girl McPhee, Pickles, Chris, Mandisa and Ace Young. There. I said it. Paris may make it, not Ace, but that’s the only one I’m willing it give on.